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It's typical for young
people to admire rock stars.
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For my sister, it was Cyndi Lauper.
3
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For my brother, it was Bon Jovi.
4
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Well, Jon, we look good.
5
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♪ Oh, we're livin' on... ♪
6
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For me, the rock star
I admired most was...
7
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Albert Einstein.
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Did you know Einstein
loved playing the violin?
9
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So?
10
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He believed music helped him
formulate his theories.
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So?
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Einstein was arguably the
greatest scientific mind
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of the 20th century.
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If music helped him,
maybe it could help me.
15
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,020
So?
16
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,240
I got to go talk to my mom.
17
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,069
- Everything okay?
- Yeah,
18
00:00:49,070 --> 00:00:50,940
she's just got some problems
she's dealing with.
19
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,000
Kind of personal. Will
you make the kids lunch?
20
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,959
- Ah, do I have to?
- George?
21
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,319
Happy to.
22
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,800
Be right back.
23
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,660
What do y'all want for lunch?
24
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,480
Peanut butter and jelly, please.
25
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,510
Great. Missy?
26
00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:08,179
Tuna salad on rye toast,
27
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:09,840
with sliced pickles and...
28
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,560
Two PBJs, got it.
29
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,149
What is going on?
30
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:16,150
- Well...
- Well, what?
31
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:18,820
- I'm trying to say it.
- You woke me up.
32
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Spill it or I'm going back to bed.
33
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I'm pregnant.
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I'm awake now.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
36
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,959
Are you sure?
37
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,379
Yes. I'm late.
38
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- How late?
- Two days.
39
00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:50,099
Oh, two days. That's nothing.
40
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:53,019
Last time I was two days
late, I had the twins.
41
00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:55,859
Last time I was two days
late, I had menopause.
42
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:59,080
Just trying to lighten the mood.
43
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,149
So do you have...
44
00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:05,279
reason to think that you might be?
45
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,460
Well, we try to be
safe, but... you know,
46
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,900
heat of the moment.
47
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,569
Still? After three kids
and that beer belly
48
00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,329
- hanging over his pants?
- Mom?
49
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:17,879
I think you might be getting
way ahead of yourself.
50
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,200
I'm telling you, I just know.
51
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,970
You were also convinced that
Georgie was gonna be a girl.
52
00:02:23,980 --> 00:02:26,089
That's true.
53
00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:29,200
Although he does have very pretty hair.
54
00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:32,950
Hello.
55
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,149
Hi, Sheldon.
56
00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,100
I'd like to learn to play the violin.
57
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,649
Really? Well, that's terrific.
58
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:42,349
Do you have any experience
with stringed instruments?
59
00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:43,989
Stringed instruments, no.
60
00:02:43,990 --> 00:02:45,760
String theory, yes.
61
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,910
That was a joke. I'm a joker.
62
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,249
I think I have an old
violin you can take home
63
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:53,359
and get the feel of.
64
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,830
That's great.
65
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:55,920
Thank you.
66
00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:57,420
But I have to warn you,
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00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,519
it can be a frustrating
instrument to learn.
68
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,520
- Can you play it?
- Yes.
69
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:02,780
I'll be fine.
70
00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:15,469
I don't see them.
71
00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:16,889
Excuse me.
72
00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,649
Where do you keep your pregnancy tests?
73
00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:19,670
Mom.
74
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,340
Behind the counter at the pharmacy.
75
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,810
Thank you.
76
00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:24,810
Would you please be a
little more discreet?
77
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,559
She doesn't know it's for you.
78
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,559
Well, it sure isn't for you.
79
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,279
Come on.
80
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,200
Ow. No.
81
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:33,450
Well, go ahead.
82
00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:34,839
- I can't.
- Why not?
83
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,919
His daughter goes to Missy's school.
84
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,300
You are being ridiculous.
85
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,480
I don't need the world
knowing my business.
86
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,560
Okay, fine.
87
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,540
- Hello!
- Oh!
88
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,299
Excuse me.
89
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,049
- Hi, can I help you?
- Yes.
90
00:03:49,050 --> 00:03:51,559
Uh, I need a... pregnancy test.
91
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,639
Sure.
92
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,719
We have a few options.
93
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,309
Hey, Connie.
94
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,380
Oh, hey, Brenda.
95
00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:59,229
Oh, you-you pick.
96
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,720
Is that a pregnancy test?
97
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,279
Uh, yeah.
98
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,650
It's for me.
99
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,520
- Really?
- Yes.
100
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,450
I come from a long line
of really fertile women.
101
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,489
My mother had me when she was 57.
102
00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:13,580
Can you believe it?
103
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,659
I don't think I can.
104
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,180
Dr. Sturgis and I have been dating
105
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,400
for some time and we
really try to be careful,
106
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,749
but you know how it is.
107
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,700
Heat of the moment.
108
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,080
Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
109
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,010
Hi, Billy.
110
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,010
Are you playing hide-and-seek?
111
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,179
Um, yeah.
112
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,220
Don't tell anybody. Shh.
113
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,260
Bye, Mrs. Cooper!
114
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,599
Oh!
115
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Thank you so much. Bye.
116
00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:45,440
Wish me luck.
117
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:48,700
It's a bit worn. But it's
fine for a beginner.
118
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,619
That was unpleasant.
119
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,780
It just takes some practice.
120
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,169
Very well. When is my first lesson?
121
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:01,940
I'm... pretty busy right now.
122
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,500
But I can give you this in the meantime.
123
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,880
Anyone Can Play Violin.
124
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,900
They don't set the bar very high.
125
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,519
You know what you need to do?
126
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,700
Yes.
127
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,559
How's it going?
128
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,199
It'd be a lot easier to pee
if you'd stop talking.
129
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,600
Sorry.
130
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,520
Now it's too quiet. Say something.
131
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,039
I know you didn't expect this,
132
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,829
and you still might not be, but...
133
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:40,159
but if it turns out you are...
134
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,460
I'm here for you.
135
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,840
Thanks, Mom.
136
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:47,469
You're not the one I'm worried about.
137
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,089
If I'm pregnant, George
is gonna flip out.
138
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:52,679
I'm sure he would at first.
139
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,809
Then he would calm down.
140
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,760
Take a few beers.
141
00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,399
Maybe some malt liquor.
142
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,989
I suppose.
143
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:06,409
The truth is, he and I were both
144
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,239
freaked out about having twins.
145
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,249
But now I can't imagine
life without them.
146
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,159
Well, see, there you are.
147
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:17,029
So, no matter what that test says,
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00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:18,949
you're gonna be okay.
149
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:20,000
You're right.
150
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,500
What's it say?
151
00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:27,220
I'm gonna go buy that malt liquor.
152
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,499
To get started,
153
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,939
place your violin in rest position.
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00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:37,560
Your feet should be together.
155
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,240
Your right arm should be
156
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:40,619
over your instrument,
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00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:43,560
not touching the strings or the bridge.
158
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,760
- Put your left hand...
- What are you doing?
159
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,480
What does it look like?
160
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,200
Like you're looking for another excuse
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00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,739
for kids to pick on you.
162
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,880
Now, you are ready to
position your feet.
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00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:55,850
Zip your feet open and step forward
164
00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,940
with your left foot.
165
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,520
- Your feet should...
- What are you doing?
166
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:02,520
I was gonna watch DuckTales,
but this looks funnier.
167
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,759
... procedure for positioning
the violin on your shoulder.
168
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,220
Hold your violin above the left foot
169
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,229
with the neck of the
instrument pointing up.
170
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,099
Left foot, neck up.
171
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,019
Now rotate the neck of the instrument
172
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,840
counterclockwise, so
that the neck points
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00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,440
at your left foot.
174
00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,740
- Oh, boy.
- I was right.
175
00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:23,189
Bend your left elbow so that the violin
176
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:24,880
rests on your shoulder
177
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,800
and place your head on the chin rest.
178
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,860
Now try dropping your left hand.
179
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,480
See if you can hold your instrument
180
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,180
without your hands.
181
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,300
- Time yourself at this...
- What's going on?
182
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,120
I'm learning to play the violin.
183
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:40,020
It's my new favorite show.
184
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,679
Once you feel you have
control of your instrument,
185
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,900
try moving your hands around.
186
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,490
Repeat this procedure
until you can position
187
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,100
your instrument comfortably and quickly.
188
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,260
He'll just be another minute.
189
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,940
Thank you.
190
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,620
- What's that about?
- Oh...
191
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,480
just trying not to breathe the smoke in.
192
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:16,929
Come on.
193
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,549
It already went through
the filter and my lungs.
194
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:22,049
This stuff is squeaky clean.
195
00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:23,820
Well, still.
196
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:27,439
He's all yours, your highness.
197
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,860
All right.
198
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,459
Hey, Mare, what's up?
199
00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:34,110
Other than the big guy.
200
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,309
God joke.
201
00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:39,899
Actually, um, I could use some guidance.
202
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,369
I got some news today,
203
00:08:41,370 --> 00:08:44,140
and I'm not quite sure
how I feel about it.
204
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:46,440
Of course. Sit.
205
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:53,719
Well... I am...
206
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,669
um...
207
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:57,169
with child.
208
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,979
That's wonderful!
209
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,500
Congratulations!
210
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,160
How far along are you?
211
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,089
Uh, could you keep it
down just a little?
212
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,759
I haven't exactly told George yet.
213
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,929
Got it. And why not?
214
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,340
It is his, right?
215
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,019
Of course.
216
00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,700
Apologies.
217
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,649
Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town.
218
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:18,180
You wouldn't believe the
juicy things I hear.
219
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,609
This just wasn't part of our plan.
220
00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:25,329
Well, luckily... it's
part of God's plan.
221
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:27,499
And let me tell you about another Mary
222
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,249
who didn't know how to tell her
husband she was expecting.
223
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,200
And her story is way weirder than yours.
224
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,429
In order to practice this, move your bow
225
00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:41,759
in a counterclockwise direction.
226
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,460
Keep your hand moving right
with the tip of the bow.
227
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,560
For our next song,
228
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,080
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,"
229
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,080
remember, posture is our
most important thing.
230
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,609
Set, play.
231
00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:07,320
Did you hear that? I did it!
232
00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:08,990
I don't think you did.
233
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,780
And now we see how it helps my science.
234
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,380
Hmm.
235
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:19,060
Hmm...
236
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,460
Come on, think.
237
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,160
Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle."
238
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:28,860
... for learning new songs.
239
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,899
You can play them along with me.
240
00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:41,689
What the hell is that?
241
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:44,609
Sheldon's learning to play the violin.
242
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,940
Oh. Well, that's unfortunate.
243
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,109
Mm-hmm.
244
00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:50,180
I'm gonna go change.
245
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,220
Hey, Dad.
246
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,789
Can you believe I only
started playing today?
247
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,540
I really can.
248
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,889
Hey, so there's something
249
00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,689
I've been meaning to talk to you about.
250
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:15,889
Sure, what's up?
251
00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:19,609
Now, before I say it, um,
252
00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:22,649
I want to tell you a
story of another Mary.
253
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,369
Um...
254
00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:25,979
Okay, anytime...
255
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,539
Are you kidding me?
256
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,159
Keep your voice down.
257
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,540
Are you kidding me?
258
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:34,440
Look, I was a little thrown,
too, but Pastor Jeff said...
259
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,989
Pastor Jeff?
260
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,680
Pastor Jeff knows before me?
261
00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:40,540
Well, yeah, I needed someone to talk to,
262
00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:42,660
- and, you know, my mom...
- Your mom?
263
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,780
Shh!
264
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,480
Does the whole damn town know?
265
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,940
No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff.
266
00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:52,220
And maybe Brenda Sparks.
267
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:54,140
Probably Peg...
268
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,899
and whoever she told, but that is it.
269
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:58,929
Oh, is that it?
270
00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:01,099
Great news!
271
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,399
Not a good time, Sheldon.
272
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,360
But it's really important.
273
00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:05,880
Ugh.
274
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:10,850
I figured out why the
violin worked for Einstein
275
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,329
and not for me.
276
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,600
I need to become a Jewish person.
277
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,480
- Sheldon, dinner!
- Coming.
278
00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:28,800
Sorry I'm late. Shalom.
279
00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:33,809
What's on your head?
280
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,980
- A yarmulke.
- A yama-what?
281
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,660
It's a special Jewish hat.
282
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,519
It reminds the wearer that
God is always over you.
283
00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,269
Mom.
284
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:44,880
Oh, come on, it's funny.
285
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,040
It's not funny and it's not a yarmulke.
286
00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,400
It is a coaster I
crocheted at Bible camp.
287
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:52,409
Are you gonna say something to him?
288
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:55,420
Normally I would, but I got
bigger problems right now.
289
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,119
- Let's just say grace.
- Hold on.
290
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,199
Are these hot dogs kosher?
291
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,190
Over the next few days,
292
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,280
I continued to play the violin
293
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:15,120
in an effort to replicate the
mental prowess of Einstein.
294
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:18,100
I was asked to confine my
practice to the garage
295
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,140
by my father, mother,
sister and brother.
296
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:23,600
Meemaw was fine with me
practicing in the house,
297
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,120
but why would she care?
She doesn't live with us.
298
00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:29,559
Hey, George.
299
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,369
Hey, Herschel.
300
00:13:31,370 --> 00:13:32,960
Let me guess, you're here to complain
301
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,500
about Sheldon's violin playing.
302
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,630
Under normal circumstances,
I'd say yeah,
303
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:37,959
but since he started,
304
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,120
my chickens been dropping
eggs like crazy.
305
00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,010
- That's weird.
- Hey, uh,
306
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,380
I hear congratulations are in order.
307
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:47,880
What's that you hear?
308
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,139
Maybe I didn't hear it. Never mind.
309
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,339
It's all right.
310
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,759
Seems like everybody knows.
311
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,169
You don't seem terribly enthusiastic.
312
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,509
It's the money, Herschel.
313
00:13:59,510 --> 00:14:01,179
It's all about the money.
314
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:04,429
Well, there's only one solution to that.
315
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:05,900
Which is?
316
00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,519
You got to make more money.
317
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,620
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
318
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,109
Hey, I got to ask,
319
00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:14,739
did that fiddle playing increase
the fertility in all the females
320
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:17,779
around here or just my chickens?
321
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,249
I was just throwing it
out there, never mind.
322
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,669
Wait here, I'm-a go get you some eggs.
323
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,340
- That's okay.
- You're getting eggs.
324
00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:27,760
Guess I'm getting eggs.
325
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,800
All right, George,
326
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:33,129
- what's so damn important?
- Well...
327
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:35,709
I don't want to get into
the why's and wherefore's,
328
00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:38,299
but I'm gonna need a raise.
329
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,019
Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
330
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,189
You got to be kidding me.
331
00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:44,439
Does everybody in this damn
town know my business?
332
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,389
I just... it was taking a guess.
333
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,660
- Tom.
- My wife told me.
334
00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:52,229
Doesn't matter. What do you say?
335
00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,570
Are you threatening to
quit if you don't get it?
336
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,600
No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank.
337
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,140
Okay. All right, well,
let's not do that.
338
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,869
$100 a week do the trick?
339
00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:05,840
Yes. Thanks. Bye.
340
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,339
Temple Judea,
341
00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:14,499
how can I help you?
342
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,469
Hello, I'd like to become Jewish.
343
00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:18,309
Who would be in charge of that?
344
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,640
How old are you?
345
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,139
- I'm ten.
- Please hold.
346
00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:30,149
Hello, this is Rabbi Schneiderman.
347
00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:31,650
To whom am I speaking?
348
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,609
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
349
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:37,189
Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you?
350
00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:38,674
I'm currently a Baptist
351
00:15:38,675 --> 00:15:41,000
and I'd like to convert to Judaism.
352
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,669
A Baptist named Sheldon.
353
00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:45,869
Okay.
354
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,699
And why do you want to convert?
355
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:48,780
Very simple.
356
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,000
It's my intention to
become a great scientist
357
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:52,254
and I couldn't help but notice
358
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,360
most of the great scientists are Jewish,
359
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:57,560
so logic dictates it's
time to switch teams.
360
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,209
Well, I'm sure there are
361
00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:02,429
many Baptist scientists
you could emulate.
362
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:03,769
That's kind of you to say,
363
00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:06,219
but other than Cornelius
Drebbel in the 1500s,
364
00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:07,769
it's pretty slim pickings.
365
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:12,279
Well, Sheldon, you sound
like a very smart young man.
366
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,059
Oh, you have no idea.
367
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,899
Can I ask how your
parents feel about this?
368
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,480
Well, when I presented
them with my plan,
369
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,780
the words "over my dead body" were used.
370
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,659
I'm not surprised.
371
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,780
But they were similarly resistant
372
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,209
when I wanted to get an ant farm
373
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,989
and eventually they came around.
374
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:34,049
All right, here's what I'm
gonna tell you to do.
375
00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:35,550
Read your Bible.
376
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,389
Already did, cover to cover.
377
00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:39,339
- Really?
- Quiz me.
378
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:42,669
No, that's okay, I believe you.
379
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,889
All right, my advice to you
380
00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:49,099
is to stay with the
faith of your parents.
381
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,429
- What else you got?
- Okay.
382
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,899
Then I'm gonna tell you
383
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,769
to be your own man.
384
00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:58,939
But I want to be a great
scientist like Albert Einstein.
385
00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:00,109
Sheldon,
386
00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:02,409
when your days are over,
387
00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:05,199
God will never ask you,
388
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,779
"Why weren't you Einstein?"
389
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,660
But he might ask you,
390
00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,100
"Why weren't you Sheldon?"
391
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,549
What's going on? You all right?
392
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:27,360
I'm not feeling great.
393
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,860
Is it a pregnant thing?
394
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,060
'Cause I got some good news on that.
395
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,690
I got a decent raise.
396
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,340
It doesn't matter.
397
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,859
What do you mean it doesn't matter?
398
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,540
We can pull this off now.
399
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,140
I lost the baby.
400
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,700
Oh.
401
00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:00,520
You're probably relieved, huh?
402
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,280
Actually...
403
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,920
... no.
404
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,269
I love the first three.
405
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:17,440
Fourth one's a charm, right?
406
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,940
Dad?
407
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,160
Mom?
408
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,419
Yeah, Shelly?
409
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:32,225
I just thought you should know
410
00:18:32,226 --> 00:18:33,749
I'm not going to be Jewish.
411
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:37,420
I'm going to remain the atheist
Baptist you've come to love.
412
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,539
Good to hear.
413
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:43,340
Are you crying?
414
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:48,520
Yeah, but don't worry,
everything's okay.
415
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,220
Good.
416
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,760
Once again,
417
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:00,699
I brought my mother so much joy
418
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,560
she was moved to tears.
419
00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:04,960
I don't know how I do it.
420
00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:12,990
Tom, George Cooper's here for you.
421
00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,839
Send him in.
422
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,160
Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
423
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,149
Pretty busy.
424
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:20,820
Make it quick.
425
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,240
It turns out I don't need that raise.
426
00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:25,899
What happened, you win the lottery?
427
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,020
No, no.
428
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,340
Aw, George, I am so sorry.
429
00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:39,020
Well, what can you do?
430
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,340
Listen, I cleared your raise already,
431
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,599
why don't you just keep the money.
432
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,689
- Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
- No.
433
00:19:45,690 --> 00:19:48,480
No, I mean it. It's yours.
434
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,860
Okay.
435
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,400
Thanks. Bye.
436
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,540
Thank you, but I will no
longer be needing these.
437
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,520
You're giving up so soon? What happened?
438
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,159
- Did it hurt your fingers?
- No.
439
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,079
I'm following the advice of a
very wise Rabbi Schneiderman
440
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,960
from Temple Judea in Houston.
441
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,840
Is this another one of your jokes?
442
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,380
No. If it were a joke,
your mouth would be open
443
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,510
and the sound "ha-ha"
would be coming out.
444
00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:23,970
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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