All language subtitles for The Big C s03e07 How Bazaar.eng

Sync & corrections by into-the-light,
www.addic7ed.com

[wind blowing]

- Whoa.
- Mm, yeah.

I got a little excited.

Kind of hard for me to wait
for things to happen these days.

That makes me worry
you're going to cut the baby out

of Maxine's stomach
before the due date.

Oh, God, no.

Do not be scared of me.

I just... I want this room to be
beautiful and full of light,

so the baby can enjoy the view when
her little eyes start to focus.

I can't tell you
how thrilled I am

that this baby's a girl, Dave.

Oh, yeah, they're cute
when they're little,

but, man, girls
get complicated.

Oh, please.

Adam is so much more complicated
than any girl.

He was also my first, which is,
you know, it's so overwhelming.

I didn't know what to do
with a boy.

So I kind of let him
take the lead.

[Inhales]

But with this one...

with this girl, I'm going
to be so much more hands-on.

I'm so grateful I get
a chance to do it again.

She's one lucky girl.

She's going to be one frozen,
unlucky girl

if we don't get this fixed.

[Shivers] How long
do you think it'll take

to get winter back outside
where it belongs?

Uh, well,
the window that I ordered

will be here next week,
but I'll bring some plywood

over tomorrow after
Maxine's doctor's appointment,

get this covered up for you.

Good, 'cause our heating
bill's going through the roof.

Or through the wall, rather.

Let me write you a check
for the window.

And do you want a sandwich
before you go?

No, I gotta run
and catch the bus.

Maxine's waiting for me
at the motel.

She says, uh, she's
craving a burger

with two steaks as the bun.

[Chuckling]

Protein cravings.

I remember those.

Well, you tell Maxine...
That lunch is on me. And dinner.

And cab fare.

You don't need to take
the bus everywhere.

Aw, come on.
The bus is awesome.

You meet all
these great people.

Like, there's this guy...
he hawked a loogie into his hand,

and then he just stared at it
for a real long time.

Aw, come on.

That's very generous.

You're very generous.

[Chuckles]

Hey, mom.

Ah!

Hi.
I didn't know you were here.

Is that a problem?

Of course not.

It's never a problem for you
to be in this house.

Yeah, well, I'm giving away
these baseball cards.

You mowed thousands of lawns
for those.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

They're having this fundraiser
bazaar thing at the church,

you know, to raise money
to help hungry people.

Like, charity and stuff.

Oh, that sounds great.
I love bazaars.

Yeah, please don't come.

It's bad enough
you crashed my bible group

at Uncle Sean's.
I apologized for that.

We got off on the wrong foot
with your church.

I still want to be supportive.

Oh.

Oh, your Frankie Viola card.

Aw.

You used to say,
"Fwankie Viowa."

Go ahead, say it.

Say...
say "Fwankie Viowa."

Frankie Viola.

Look, do you care
if I get rid of these?

No, you... you do what you want.
They're yours.

Great.
Thank you.

Fwankie Viowa.

[Moaning]

[Sighing]

Oh, my... that was incredible.

You're amazing.
He's amazing.

We're all amazing.

Wow, that was a fucking
metaphysical experience.

I'm still trembling.

My refractory period is
a refractory exclamation point.

[Laughter]

He's funny.

- Much funnier than Gerry.
- Gerry.

- Oh.
- Gerry was a pill.

It was impossible
to get him to go

to the movies or to the art
gallery or even out for dinner.

Well, I am happy to be the
third wheel to your marriage,

the third leg to
your relationship tripod,

the trio to your duo.

Ooh.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

I... Am going to make us
some breakfast.

Huh?

Maybe a spinach omelet
with bulgarian feta.

That sounds great, Tim.
Hey, I'll help.

No.

No, you are going
to stay right here,

and we'll make it
and bring it to you.

Seriously?

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

My parents never
let me have a dog,

but I guess this gave me
almost as much love.

And I never had to worry about
it peeing on all my stuff.

You're a freak.

No one's making you
give up your iPad.

I know.

But I really feel
called to help.

How hard is it to give up
your baseball cards?

Uh, really, really, really, really...
Not that hard.

Well, is there anything else
you could give?

Uh, my kidney.

[Scoffs] Come on.
Be serious for one second.

Seriously, there's
nothing else for me to give.

I'm just saying, if you can top an iPad...
I'm thinking.

[Chuckles]
I'm still thinking.

[Chuckles]

[Horn honks]

Jamie, hit me with a little
extra joy here, please.

Sure thing.

Little more. Good.
Good.

All right.
Thank you.

Now don't tell,
because part of the deal

I have with the juicer that
I endorse is that, in public,

I'm not supposed to drink
anything but kale juice.

But sometimes, you know,
a lady needs a little cocktail.

Or a kale-tail.

[Laughs]

Cheers. No, ah...
ojos.

You have to look in my eyes,
or it's seven years bad luck.

Especially if you're Mexican.
Or Cuban.

I can't remember which one,
because I fucked them both.

[Laughs]

Jeez, you don't have a filter,
do you?

Fuck filters.

Mm.
You know what?

You should get
an endorsement deal.

You just have to figure out
what company's

the best synergy
with your brand.

- You think I have a brand?
- Yeah.

Well, your spiel is all
about seeing into the light,

so an L.E.D. company.
How about that?

I mean, green products are
the wave of the future, right?

- Flashlights.
- Yeah.

- Fl... lightsabers.
- Mm-hmm.

Flip that switch on your
damn lightsab... Bic lighters.

No, can't encourage smoking.

- No, no, no, no.
- Uh...

but you... you know,
once you get sponsorship,

it is like sitting
on a gold mine.

The other day...
it only took me four hours...

I did an instructional DVD
for the horum juicer,

paid off my lake house.

Damn it!

- Yeah.
- I want a lake house.

And then to pay it off.
[Laughs]

Well, I can probably
help you with that.

What would you say to headlining
with me in Puerto Rico

over Easter?
Puerto Rico?

In Puerto Rico.

Are you kidding me?
That sounds like a gas.

[Laughs] It is.
It's a great venue.

It's huge.
Lots of press.

And I'm a ton of fun on rum.

I bet you are.

[Slurps]
Mmm.

You know, all of this... different
city every night and hotels

and Puerto fucking Rico...
it's fabulous.

But in order to stay sane...

And happy, you have to make sure
you have a few things.

Uh-huh.

You have to have a good pillow.

You need to have cable TV,

and you need to have a reliable...
fuck buddy.

Wow.

- Yeah.
- That... is so... unexpected.

And flattering.
Mm.

Very flattering, Joy.

But here's the thing.

I...
I love my wife.

I'm deeply in love
with my wife.

That's cool.

If we lived in
a parallel universe,

I would take you...
[Clears throat loudly]

Hey, beddy-bye time.

Uh, your schedule
tomorrow is nonstop,

and you know what happens when
you don't get your beauty sleep.

- Yep.
- You get ugly and cranky,

and it's way too much
for one Ababuo to handle.

Thanks, Ababs, you the best.

Mm, don't ever
call me that again.

But speaking of best,
have you spoken

to your much better half?

You know, it is so funny
that you mention that.

I was actually just
about to call her.

Well, tell Mrs. J
not to freak.

I'll get to my term paper
after some room service.

Okay.
Night, ladies.

Good night.

You don't want to get
on the wrong side of Mrs. J.

Good night, Ababuo.

[Knock at door]

Coming!

[Sighs]

- Hey.
- Wow!

I guess this is officially
a construction site.

Well, temperatures are
really starting to drop.

I wanted to cover
that hole up asap, so...

he told me about your path
of destruction upstairs.

It's...
it's impressive.

It felt impressive
until it felt stupid.

Please tell me you didn't have
to carry that on the bus.

Oh, yeah, we did.
But, you know,

like kids under five,
wood rides free.

Here, check this out.
Oh.

We got, uh, Maxine's
latest test results.

Her iron's looking great,

and the kid's, like,
the size of a cucumber.

Ah, that's fantastic news.

Always wanted a cucumber
to call my very own.

[Laughs]

It's great to see you, Maxine.
How are you feeling?

Good, you know?

Aside from the 2:00 A.M.
boxing matches in my gut,

I'm good.

Well, looks like you're bringing
a fighter into the world.

Yeah, sure feels that way.

Just make sure she swings
a hammer like she means it.

Well, look, she's going to
have her own set of hand-tools,

and she's going to learn
how to use them.

Oh, and, Maxine, I have
something for you.

You know, I was collecting
things for a bazaar

at Adam's church,

and, you know, I found
these old flowy tops.

They're not maternity,
but they'll fit you,

and they're... they're...
they're kind of cute.

It's fine, re...
it's just one more month.

And, as long as my shirts
just keep stretching,

it's...
it's okay.

That's kind of done.

Thank you.

Oh, and, um, look.

If you don't like those,
or even if you do,

here's just a little mad money

for you to just get something
you feel great in.

Either for now
or for after the baby comes.

Cathy, that's too much.

I-I can't...
I can't take that.

[Quietly]
Yeah, you can.

[Sighs]
[Sighs] Thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

Okay, what are you doing?

I'm, uh, going through
Marlene's cupboards,

seeing if she has something that
can double as deodorant.

[Sniffs]
And she does.

Deodorant?

Since when do you care
what you smell like?

Oh, I don't really care.

But, uh, the couple I'm dating

suggested they might care
a little bit.

Did you just say "couple"?

Yep.
I'm dating a couple.

Which makes us a thruple.

Okay. Y-you're saying that
like it's a thing.

I doubt it's a thing.
Oh, no, it's a thing.

[Scoffs] Married couples like
you and Paul are so 1998.

Now the new paradigm
of true relationship fulfillment

lies in the power of three
like-minded people coming together

to form a social, sexual, you
know, six-legged octopus

of love and camaraderie.

And who are these people

who want you to be a part
of their octopus?

Well, there's Tim,

the bicurious therapist
who called my sex line,

and his beautiful goddess

of a pilates instructor
wife Giselle.

Giselle and Tim.

I call them "Gism" for short.

We, uh, we tell each other
how great the others are.

We cook meals.
We make each other laugh.

But we all need each other
1/3 less

than the average person
in a prehistoric couple.

Let me put it to you this way,
Cath.

What's easier to ride, a
bicycle or a tricycle?

So are you...
you half gay?

Eh, it's, uh, it's very dark
under the covers.

I just kind of go
with the flow.

What's in your box?
Oh, it's just...

More stuff
for Adam's church bazaar.

Thought maybe I could donate
my way back into his heart.

Oh, he's already gone, but I
could take it with me when I go.

You're going?
Why are you going?

Well, he invited me.
I'm taking Gism with me.

What, the thruple's invited,
and I'm not?

Come on, now.

Don't you think
this is ridiculous?

Ah, no, getting involved
in this little mother-son fracas

is a lose-lose situation.

Now playing the part
of Switzerland, me.

Hey, does Paul have any old
cologne bottles in here maybe?

Like some Brut, Old Spice,
little Drakkar Noir maybe?

Bye.

[Overlapping chatter]

Can I help you?

Oh. I... I just have
some clothes and things

I thought might be useful.

Nothing too fancy, I'm afraid.
Everything helps.

Would you like a tax-deductible
donation receipt?

Think I'm good.

Aw, come on.
Try it.

You're missing out.

Oh, oh, oh, okay.
Maybe I'll compromise.

[Giggles]

- Mmm.
- Aw, that looks good.

That looks good.
Can I have some?

Mmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
Mmm, mmm.

Oh, hey!
[Giggling]

Hey, sis.

Oh, is this the famous Cathy?

Oh, am I famous?

Sean talks about you
all the time.

And judging by the nature
of his stories,

I suspect some severe
codependency issues.

Uh, doctor, our session's up.

Cathy, this is my better 2/3,
Giselle and Tim.

Giselle, Tim, my
uptight sister Cathy.

So nice to finally meet you.

And you too.
You all.

[Laughs]

Have your eye
on anything special?

Uh, it's a little
disappointing actually.

You know, dinners for two,
couple's massage,

a pair of ski tickets.

For a church that promotes
so much equality,

our thruple feels
woefully underserved.

We should have you over
for a meal sometime.

Tim and I make
a great baked salmon.

There was always something
missing, right, honey?

Do you know what was missing?

Sean's glaze.

Aw, come on, guys.
It's really simple.

Just a little lemon juice
and brown sugar.

Hey, Mrs. Jamison!

This is so awesomely good.

Adam, look who's here!

I'm gonna buy you one.

To die for.

This year's raffle
committee went above and beyond.

Show them how much
you appreciate them

and dig into your pockets
and buy a ticket or a...

Mom, what are you doing here?

Look, I know
you asked me not to come,

but I want to support you.

So why don't we just
forget everything

that happened
and start over, okay?

Why can't you just
leave me alone?

Seriously, you should go.

Dude, what's...
what's the big deal?

Just let her stay.
Hey, everybody.

Quick announcement.

First of all, thanks for
your awesome donations so far.

You guys have been rocking
the raffle tickets,

and we are well on our way

to smashing last year's numbers
out of the water.

[Cheers and applause]

To that end, prepare
to have your minds blown,

'cause we're about to blow
this bazaar bitch up, yo.

Chelsea, show them what our grand
prize ticket holder will win!

Yeah!
[Cheering]

What?
That's a car.

That's right.

[Cheers and applause]

That's funny.
That car looks kind of like...

thanks again to Adam
for the generous gift.

You're the bomb, Jamison.

[Cheers and applause]

Official drawing starts
in T-minus three hours,

so get those tickets now.

When did you steal the keys
to my storage locker, Adam?

I didn't steal anything, okay?
I found them.

And all that stuff in there
has my name on it.

All that stuff is mine.
No, no, no!

Actually, it's not.
It's for future Adam.

It's for when you're
older and I'm dead.

And I'm not dead yet.

Yeah, but I'm giving it away
to help people.

Well, you have
no right to do that.

No right!

It's not what I wanted.
Not at all.

Excuse me.
I'm sorry.

There's been
a terrible mistake.

My son donated that car
without my permission.

Oh.

Well, that's not good.

Adam, I thought you said
the car was yours to give.

No, it...
it w...

well, he may have thought
that it was, but it's not.

I'm saving it as a...

as a gift for him
for when he's older.

Way older.

Oh, so it is a gift for him.

You're just upset
because he's not using it

the way you intended?
Is that it?

Well, I don't think
you quite u...

You know, Cathy, I...
I really don't want to get

between a boy and his mom.

I just...
I really think Adam

was just trying to learn
from Jesus' example

of generosity
and be an example himself.

I don't know many kids his age

who would be willing to give up

such sweet wheels to help
their fellow man.

And the money we collect
for this car

is going to go a long way
to help a lot of people.

Just something to think about?

You know?
Thanks.

Thank you.

What the hell was that?

What... if he thinks that he can
shame me into giving up a car,

he's got another thing coming.
Yeah.

'Cause God forbid you do
anything nice for anybody else.

Excuse me?

You left me that car

when you thought you
were going to die, okay?

And now that
you're doing better,

you should want to give back.

All that stuff isn't doing
anyone any good

just sitting in that
stupid storage locker.

Okay? Be fucking grateful
for a change.

Hey!

Do not talk to me like that!

Look, I...
I give back.

[Scoffs]

In my own way.

III give a lot.
Really?

Really? 'Cause to me, you
seem pretty fucking selfish.

[Rock music]

[Phone vibrating]

Shake me up
another one of these, maestro.

Wow, you sure are
thirsty today.

More angry than thirsty.
Sorrow you can drown.

Rage floats.
In my experience,

gin and vermouth
only make things worse.

There's only one thing to do
if you're angry.

[Gunshots]

Maybe I need a Martini
in my hand.

I mean, did I hit anything?

Well, those bottles are cocky.

But those logs over there
are scared shitless of you.

Oh, good.
I shot winter.

I'm sick of fucking winter.

Here, can I do that?

Yeah.

You're doing great
for your first time out.

- [Laughs]
- Just take your time.

The secret to shooting
is patience.

Oh, well, then I'm fucked,

'cause patience is something
I don't have a whole lot of

right now.
Did I forget anything?

Perfect.
You got it down.

Let's blow shit up.

[Gunshots]

I don't let anyone
guilt me into shit.

[Gunshot]

I'm not afraid
of anything or anyone.

[Gunshot]

[Laughter]

That was pretty badass.

[Phone vibrates]

Oh, shit.

Honey, could you just see
what that is?

I swear to God, if I don't eat,
I'm going to pass out.

Being inspirational 24 hours
a day is making me anemic.

Okay, you have exactly
1 hour and 43 minutes...

- Mmm.
- To be dressed, pressed,

and ready to help
another ballroom full of losers.

Awesome.
I get to squeeze in a power nap.

If you fall asleep in
your good jeans one more time,

I'm going to kill you.

I'm not going to have you up
onstage all wrinkly and mussed.

[Gasps]

Oh, no, she didn't.

Ooh, she is shameless.
What? What's up?

Joy has a "package" she wants
you to come and get in her room.

Well... I guess I, um...

I guess I better go
get it then, right?

No, no, no, no, no.

You know and I know that

she wants to take her package,
mix it up with your package,

and make some sort
of package deal.

Ababuo, just so you know,
there ain't nothing going on

between me and Joy and any
of our packages, okay?

And I'll also remind you
that that's our boss,

and you should probably
speak about her

with a little bit more respect.

Boss or no boss,
I don't trust her.

And don't you mess up
them jeans.

[Door slams]

[Knock at door]

Aha!
I knew it.

Is this the package
that you wanted Mr. J

to come down here and get?

Well, I'm returning it
due to lack of interest.

Shame on you, girl,
standing there

with all your lady business
hanging out every which way.

He is a married m... oh!
There's a naked man there.

Is that room service, babe?
I'm famished.

Yeah, I'll feed you
in a minute, sweetheart.

Look, um, the only...

Package that I have
for Paul is this one.

Okay, okay.

And a romantic dinner for two
at the Garlic Haus goes to...

The holder of ticket 743687.

743687.

Here we go.
Yep.

This is bullshit!

No matter how we
position ourselves,

one of us always gets cut out.

All right, Katie Lancaster's
going to the Garlic Haus.

Look at this.

This is photo-booth
discrimination.

- Mm-hmm. - Who do I complain to...
- Hey, guys. - Jesus?

This is the most awesome bazaar

we have ever had.
We totally killed it, everybody.

[Cheers and applause]

Give yourselves
a big round of applause.

I'm rocking the pride
in everybody here.

Thanks again for all
of your donations.

I mean, look at all
of these amazing raffle prizes.

We've got the drum sets and
some guitars, the ski package,

an iPad, I mean,
come on, are you kidding me?

Dude, you played drums
for 13 years?

Yeah, man... For the record,
I help who I want to help.

All right, should we, uh...

should we draw
another ticket here?

[Cheering]

What do we got next here?

Uh, the espresso machine.

Very cool.
And that's only ten more

to go until we get
to our grand prize, everybody.

[Cheers and applause]

[Engine starts]

Holy shit.

God be with you.

[Engine revs, horn honks]

[Tires squeal]

[Rock music]

Hey, you've reached Dave.
Leave a message.

Dave, throw away your bus pass.

Your commute just got
a whole lot easier.

Most store brand juicers
don't fully extract

all your juices from your fruits
and vegetables.

Cut them up first.

Then you just feed it
into your juicer

using your pusher
if it gets stuck

to slide it in ever so gently.

Look at the way those juices
just come squirting out, mmm.

Mmm, that's the nectar
of the gods, people.

Mmm, sweet nectar.

I love that.

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