All language subtitles for Love.on.the.Air.2015.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪ ♪

Some womenchoose to follow men,

some follow their dreams.

If you're not surewhich path to take,

just remember, ladies,

your career will neverwake up one morning

and tell youthat your thighs are too fat.

Gentlemen, "I haveenough clothes and shoes

I don't need to go shopping,"

said no woman ever.

You're on.

But here's the thing, Sonia...

We have three kids,

and my husband expects meto have dinner ready

every night at 6:00.

For men who think

that a woman's placeis in the kitchen,

just remember,

that's where the knives are.

Ladies,

getting married does not meangiving up your identity.

The question isn't "who's going to let you?"

The question is "who's going to stop you?"

The rules are simple, gentlemen...

Don't spend a loton a first date,

because you might not wanta second one.

If you want to buy her flowers, pick 'em from the yard,

preferably someone else's yard.

Whatever you do,

make them need you more.

You don't need them.

Don't give all of you.

This is Sonia meyrick.

Thank you evanston, Illinois,

and until tomorrow,

be an island!

So, that's it for tonight.

You're listening towcb Chicago talk radio.

I'm Nick lyndon,

and until tomorrow night,

all options open, my friend.

Nice ratings.

Yeah, well, you know, I look at numbers like that,

and I think, "why am I not in daytime?"

Nick, you're the only thingkeeping this time slot alive.

I've got to getout of night time, man.

These hours are killing me.

I have no life.

You talk to Brad?

Yeah, I talked to Brad.

The guy's a brick wall.

He's not going to changemy slot.

Well, let merun it by him.

He owes me.

♪ ♪

Let me sendthe paperwork over

and we'll take care of it.

You won't be sorry.

That's awesome, man.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

Look, could wejust text her

and tell herwe're running late?

I just signedthe blackhawks new winger.

-What?-yes!

Aw, congratulations.That's awesome.

Everyone in townwas after this guy.

You know whatthis means, right?

Yeah, seats on the ice.

And a view of the lake.

I put an offer in.

Look, I knowyou think it's too big,

but we'll grow into it.

...shut the door

and thank heaven you've been saved...

I hate that guy.

He's hilarious.

He's a neanderthal.

"Nick's man cave"

is obviouslyhis parents' basement,

he lives there, a dateless quasimodo,

doing bitter radio.

Yeah, well, you're good-looking

and you dobitter radio.

I do not dobitter radio.

Telling all womento be an island?

Yeah, they're nevergoing to keep a guy.

I did.

That's beforei knew any better,

but seriously, no guy'sgoing to put up with that.

You have been listeningto "the man cave,"

haven't you?

Well, it's eitherhim or you.

Well, I will rememberyou said that

when I writeour wedding vows.

Hey.

Okay, so, as the bride'sbest friend

and someonewho's never been married,

I say go with for lilies,

but you know, it's your wedding.

Yes, tonight. The clientsare bringing their wives.

Absolutely, I'll bring Sonia.

You're coming, right, hon'?

Yeah, I'll be there.

Yeah, she's coming.

He wants red velvet, I want chocolate.

But I agree with you, I think those are perfect,

and I think they'd...

Oh...

What's wrong?

Oh, it's a work thing.

You have to go.

I do.I'm so sorry, honey.

-It's okay.-Okay, I love you.

-Love you.-Hey, see you.

Yeah.

Hey, so, Scott, I really love these flowers.

I think they're perfect, what do you think?

What?

Flowers?

'Cause we're ina flower shop.

To plan our wedding?

Sorry.

I'm just stressedabout this deal.

I understand.

The perils of success, right?

Well, better to bestressed than broke.

I don't know.

Remember how we used toeat ramen and peanut butter?

Yeah.

Okay, flowers, um...

Well, I like the...

-Lilies?-roses.

♪ ♪

Thanks, man.

Hey, buddy.

How you doing, Clooney?

Hi, Nick.

Janey, how you doing?

How you doing, Clooney?

Sometimes, I don't knowif I rescued him

or if he rescued me.

Hey, if you're not busy tonight,

I have ticketsto the cubs game.

I'd love to,

I just, I got a dinner thing,

and then the show.

Okay, well, how about a day game?

I have seasontickets.

Janey, you'reextremely attractive.

Here's the thing,

we have to walkby each other every day,

and if ends badly, which it eventually will,

it's just going to makefor some awkward dynamics.

It's just a baseball game.

It's neverjust a baseball game.

Let's go, Clooney.

Hey, Julia.

Hey. I just got my flowers.

They are beautiful.

Aw, good.

Happy birthday, sis.

Hey, taxi!

You going out tonight?

Oh, hey, Gus.

Yeah, I'm meeting Scott.

Him again, huh?

See you later, Gus.

Yeah.

Excuse me, I'm looking forthe Ryder party?

Hey, hey, hey, you made it.

Oh, yeah. Hi.

Uh, I thought you weregetting dressed up.

I thought I did.

Well, it's...

Oh.

...sorry, uh...

I could just...

Sorry, one sec.

Here.

Is that better?

Yeah, it's great.

That's my phone, sorry.

I'll just be a second.

Tanya? That's...

Hey, sweetheart, what's up?

Dr. Lynne's appendix burst.

She's out for at least a week.

We needed a subwith a female audience.

I pitched you.You're in.

Are you serious?

I'm not a doctor.

Neither is she.

And you're doing your showexactly as it is now,

only more people will hear it... a lot more people.

Get a succulentthat you don't have to water.

"Girl-friend" is a misnomer.

Thank you.

Tanya pitched me

to replace Dr. Lynne

at wcv tonight.

Tonight-tonight?

Yeah, tonight.

But I'll stay.

I mean, I could stayfor, like, 15 minutes,

and I will be very charming,

that's great.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I knowthat it is awful timing.

It always is, isn't it? I mean...

Hey, guys, come on!

Join us, don't be shy.

We're right there, one sec.

Why is it every timei need you to be here for me,

something moreimportant comes up?

That is just not true.

-Staff Christmas party?-I was sick.

Super bowl?

Oh, come on, I was there by the kickoff.

Look, this is an important,

once-in-a-lifetimeopportunity...

Hi!

Hey, everyone,

this ismy fiancee, Sonia.

Sonia, this is Jim, Keith, Keira,

and Kyra.

Nice to k-k-k-know you.

I'm sorry forhow I look tonight.

Usually it's worse, though.

Oh, you're fine.

So, babe, Keith and Keira

have invited usdown to south beach.

Apparently, their house is insane.

They say it's likepractically in the water.

Keira willtake you shopping.

This girl right here, she is a professional.

-She would love that.-I would love that.

Can we have another roundof drinks, please?

What are you having?

I'll have an ice water.

Actually, just a coupleof g&t's would be great.

So, Sonia, what is itthat you do?

Except makingthis guy look good.

I host a radio show.

No kidding.What's it about?

-Relationships.-man-bashing.

Actually, she'son wcv tonight.

So, instead of airingour dirty laundry

on a little stationno one listens to now,

now she'll be tellingeverybody in Chicago about it.

Wcv.

They got that "man cave show," right?

I freakin'love that guy.

Well, I'll be onright after him,

repairing the two hoursof damage that he's done.

Am I right, ladies?

♪ ♪

Oh, hey!

Oh, Tanya, this is amazing.

I know.

Oh, you look great.

Oh, thanks.

You're the only onewho thinks so.

You are the bestfriend ever.

And I'm alsothe best producer ever.

Chicago is going to love you.

The men won't.

Ah, well, but the women will.

Now, Dr. Lynnehas a huge following,

and it's a perfectaudience for you to target.

Alrighty, guys, let's talk about

the biggest mistake any of you will ever make,

a.k.a. Marriage.

I know.

Right afterthis commercial break.

"Nick's man cave."

He has a verystrong demographic.

I guess

there's no accountingfor taste.

Sonia! You'rea lifesaver!

Helen, get me the numberson the morning show.

Back in 10, Nick.

Yeah.

Brad conyer.Station manager.

Sonia meyrick...

No intro needed.

Tanya's played meclips of your show.

It's terrific stuff.

Perfect for the Dr. Lynne crowd.I'm a fan.

Well, that's nice to hear.

I don't havea lot of male fans.

So, you've heardwe're in crisis mode.

Thanks fordigging us out.

You'll fill inthe 9:00 to midnight slot.

It's when the housewivesare doing dishes

after putting the kids to bed.

9:00 to midnight, I thought

that's when the house-husbandswere doing the dishes

and putting the kids to bed

while the wivesare skyping

their business partnersin Tokyo.

She's funny.

Welcome aboard, Sonia.

You'll be on in 10after the news break.

-Good luck.-Great.

You're going to be great, just be yourself.

Don't they want more?

No, no, are youkidding me?

Trust me, you are more than enough.

...marriage is likea death sentence,

only it lasts longer.

Guys, if you're thinking about taking the plunge,

ask yourself this question,

do you really want to spend the rest of your life with her?

And for those of you

that already have one foot in the grave,

look her in the eye...

Or better yet the phone...

And say these words,

"we're just at differentjunctures in our lives."

What does it mean?

Not much.

But it's irrefutable,

and, while she's thinking about it,

you can simply leave or hang up.

This is Nick lyndon signing off,

and, until tomorrow night,

all options open, my friends.

Wcv, talk radio, how may I direct your call?

Goodnight, Rebecca.

-Okay, how you feeling?-Good.

Oh, you gotyour phone off?

'Cause it messeswith the audio.

Yeah, yeah, I turned it off already.

Wcv, talk radio, how may I direct your call?

My mother was marriedfour times.

She depended on my dadfor everything,

and when he left, she replaced him,

over and over again.

Ladies, getting marrieddoes not mean

giving up your identityand taking on his.

Be an island.

Let's take a call.

Ashley, you're on.

Wcv, talk radio, how may I direct your call?

Uh, yeah, I need to speakto Sonia meyrick.

Her cell phone's turned off.

Sorry, I don't know that name.

She's filling for doctor, uh... something or other.

-Who's calling?-Scott.

I'll patch you in.

It is a directive forhow to live your entire life.

"Be an island" should be your true north.

Line two.

Scott, this is Sonia.

Yeah, I know.

Scott!

My fiance is calling me at work, that's so sweet.

Here's the thing...

We're at different juncturesin our lives right now.

Junctures?

And it just became so clear to me tonight.

What?

We want different things, okay?

I don't want 50/50.

I want someone

who will drop everything and be there for me, okay?

I mean, I want to vacationon an island,

I don't want to marry one.

♪ ♪

You're breaking up with me...

On the air?

We're on the air?

Yes.

I'm sorry, Sonia, I didn't know, but...

Look, at this juncture...

Juncture again?

Why do you...

Why do you keep saying that?

I'm sorry, Sonia.

Dead air.

Are you okay?

Do you want me to put onan old Dr. Lynne tape,

or...?

Being dumped can be empowering.

Eleanor Roosevelt once saidthat a woman is like a tea bag.

You never know how strong she isuntil she's in hot water.

So, if you find yourselfunexpectedly single,

you gotta go for your dreams...

Because I sure am.

This is wcv, talk radio,

and you're listening to Sonia.

♪ ♪

How could hebreak up with me on the air?

I mean, why didn't he justtake out an ad in the paper?

He could have tried sky-writing.

You know whowe should call is Dr. Lynne.

Or better yet, Dr. Phil.

What about Dr. Seuss,

because as it turns out

I've been datingan infant for five years.

You know, I thinkyou're better off without him.

I know.

You know what you should do,

you should go home,

throw all his stuffin a box,

and burn it.

Or if you justwant to let it out

and have a good cry, do that

I don't want to cry.

I just... want more chocolate sauce.

Hey, can we get some morechocolate over here?

Yeah, you got it.

Honey, you're in shock.

I mean, you've been "Scott and Sonia" forever...

"Sonia and Scott."

Right.

And now...

Just Sonia.

I ran it by Brad.

And what did he say?

I'm sorry, man.

He won't change your time slot.

I thought you saidhe owed you a favor.

Apparently, this one's too big.

All right, thanks for trying, man.

I'm going nowhere, Clooney.

Wanna go for a walk?

Can't even get my dogto talk to me?

That's awesome.

No, no, by all means, you stay there.

Make yourself at home.

I'll just go do it by myself.

♪ ♪

Hi, Tanya.

Hey.

I'm just checking in. You okay?

I'm just getting rid ofa few things.

I really think you should pack up his stuff and dump it.

I have.

Good.

See you later.

♪ ♪

Hey, I heard it.

What?

I heardthe whole thing.

On the radio.

I gotta say,

I never reallyliked that guy.

Never liked him.

He never looked mein the eye.

He nevershook my hand, ever.

What are you doing?

Wow, that'sto the point.

You can do better.

Thanks, Gus.

Here you go, ma'am.

Thank you.

Oh!

Ah!

Oh, I'm so...

Wow, that's... that's cold.

I'm sorry.I'm really sorry.

I didn'tsee you there.

Yeah, you were twalking.

"Twalking?"

Texting and walking.

Oh.

Can I getsome napkins, please?

Here, let me help you.

I'll get somenapkins right here,

and I'm really sorry...

It's okay, I got it, I got it.

Thank you.

Uh, I will takethat popcorn, though.

Thanks.

I'm not usuallythis clumsy,

I'm just...

Upset?

Yeah.

That obvious?

Oh, just a little bit.

What?

Well, that's whatafternoon movies are for,

right?

That and you got yourkatharine hepburn.

Actually, it'saudrey hepburn.

They're notthe same person?

I'm kidding.

I know whoaudrey hepburn is.

I was actually justcoming for the popcorn,

but, um, maybe I'll seea couple minutes.

It's about to start,

so we should probablyget in there.

I consider it a felonyto get into the theatre

after the lightshave dimmed.

No argument there.

I'm sorryabout your shirt.

Oh, it's all right, life happens.

Nick.

Sonia.

I feel like I know you.Have we met before?

I don't think so.

I live inthe neighborhood.

Me too.

Oh, yeah, wabash and Ohio.

The row of townhouses?

I'm right at the endof the street, at the El.

That's close.

Nice to meet you, neighbor.

Nice to meet you, too.

We're not going to sitnext to each other, are we?

Oh, no, no, no, that would be weird.

A little.

I'll just sitone row behind you,

and, you know, hand you napkins.

That's funny.

♪ ♪

Did you notice

that I was the onlyman in there?

Well, there was one other,

but he had a flashlightand a broom.

I'm picking the movienext time.

Next time?

Our second date.

Wait, this wasn't a date.

You sat a rowbehind me.

I was meaning to talkto you about that.

You have a freakishlylarge head.

I do not.

What hat size is that, is that, like, a jumbo?

7 1/2.

What are youtalking about?

Now there's definitely notgoing to be a second date.

Besides, I'm not dating.

Boyfriend?

Fiance.

Ex.

How ex?

Yesterday.

At least you've hadtime to get over it.

Here's your cappuccino.

One minute, we're picking outflower arrangements

for our wedding,

the next minute, he tells me

that, you know, we've grown apart.

Must have beensome toxic flowers.

What are you drinking?

I mean, uh...

An ice-blended mocha.

Ice-blended mocha.

Yeah, he wanted meto drop everything

so I'd be on his armat parties, and dinners,

and south beach,

and I had to change my hair, and my clothes,

and live in someover-priced penthouse

with the... you know, that was too big.

Sounds like a jerk.

Can I get one ofthose crullers, too, please?

Crullers hereare amazing.

I've done enough damagetoday, thanks.

Thank you.

Well, I thinkyou dodged a bullet.

I should know, I've dodged many.

I've even been grazed once.

You survived.

Yeah, I only think about heronce a year now.

Aw. Valentine's day?

Black Friday.

I think I want a cruller.

Yes.

I'm going to needa cruller.

Good choice.

Yeah, all right, let me get this.

My treat.

-I insist.-No.

Don't make a big thingout of it.

You're the one that's makinga big thing out of it.

What is this, like a power thing?

Well, yeah.

You buy me coffee,

the next thing you know, I'm indebted to you.

You've got to be kidding me.

It's just coffee.

It's not just coffee.

Coffee is never just coffee.

Right? It becomes drinks,

then it becomes dinner, and dates,

and the next thing you know,

you're trying to take overmy entire life.

Thanks.

Okay, you know what, you want to pay, pay.

While you're at it, why don't you pay for this?

And, uh...

Here's my dry cleaning bill, you could pay for that...

You thinkthis is funny?

Yeah, I do, kind of.

It's not funny to me.

Tell you what, we'll split it.

That way, you don'thave to feel indebted to me,

and I don't have to be, uh...

What?

-Nothing.-say it.

Emasculated.

Like your fiance.

Ex-fiance.

Keep the change.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry I let yousit behind me!

Yeah, you and me both.Unbelievable.

Our Twitter is blowing up.

You're trending.

What?

"Dumpedon the radio girl"?

Hashtag excruciating?

-Great.-it is.

You're gettingmore publicity

than Dr. Lynne ever did.

It's awesome.

So, I went to the movies

this afternoon

to get some popcorn,

and I met this bereft woman,

who had been dumped by her fiance,

and I gotta admit my heart went out to her

for a minute.

Apparently, I have found the way

to get the woman to pay for the date.

Just offer to get it.

She'll get all defensive

and want to payfor the check herself.

I was not defensive!

Guys, why do we insiston getting engaged to someone

we know we don't want to marry?

Is there not a way to say no

before we get to the florist?

You!

What? Uh...

I know you.

What is happening here?

Sonia?

You're Nick lyndon?

That would be me, on air, doing a show.

You mean telling yourcave-dwelling listeners

about me.

Listeners, I believewe have a stalker

live in the studio.

What makes you thinki would stalk you?

You're in my studio?

Ever heard ofthe Dr. Lynne show?

I'm not the onewho needs therapy.

No, no, no, Nick, she's subbing for Dr. Lynne.

What?

I'm subbing for Dr. Lynne.

We're gonna takea short break.

This is Nick's man cave.

You're listening towcv talk radio,

and we'll be back

after we sell you some... stuff.

No, no, this is gold.

I was lookingto buy some popcorn.

At my theater.

Your theater?

What gives you the right

to talk to your listenersabout me?

It's my show,

I can pretty much talk aboutanything I want.

Then you won't mind

if I talk to my listenersabout you.

I've got nothing to hide.

Black Friday?

Audrey hepburnnever got married, did she?

That's Katharine hepburn.

Who cares.

I couldn't see herbecause of your giant head.

My head's biggerthan your future.

No wonder

your fiance left you.

Nick was burnedby a woman,

so he creates a showcalled "the man cave"

where he gives terrible advice

to unsuspecting men

about how they should avoidrelationships and commitment,

all from the safetyof his glass-enclosed booth.

I think we're done here.

Oh, we areso done here.

So completelyand irrevocably done.

Sonia, come in.

Brad, thank you so much for...

Why is he here?

Brad asked me infor a meeting.

Yes, I did.

I can wait outside.I'll...

No, you are the meeting.

Why?

Who walks inwhen someone's on the air

and starts yelling at them?

I'm sorryabout that...

And you, you've beeninterested in morning hours...

Yeah, I've been...

The show justwent viral.

The owner of the stationjust called...

Look, I apologize...

...loving it.

So, you're going to getthe new time slot

that you want,

because I'm puttingthe two of you together

on the morning show.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

And if the attentionthat you've gotten

is any indication,

you two are going to beworking together

for the rest of your lives.

Okay, well, hear me out.

So, what is the worstthing in radio, hmm?

Come on.

Dead air.

Now, with you and man cave, we will not have that problem.

Oh, hey, sir, can I have another one, please?

Keep them coming.

Sonia, it's not that bad.

It's not the end of the world.

When I gave Scott back his ring,

I told him I was going toflourish without him.

Quitting my job

does not exactly encompasswhat I set out to do.

Okay, so don't quit.

I can't spend all day,

every day,

trapped in a roomwith that barbarian.

Yes, you can,

because bradis letting me produce,

and you knowmore than anyone

how badlyI've been wanting

to do a morning show.

-There you go, ladies.-Thank you.

Oh, no, I'm not done.

Besides,

you've alreadybeen publicly humiliated.

You've got nothing to lose.

Sir?

Is there any wayto make these stronger?

She just sabotagedmy whole career.

I've been doingthat show for years,

and she comes in, and, in one day, she ruins it.

I don't even knowwhy was I nice to her.

Because you werehitting on her?

Well, I should have beenhitting my face

against a brick.

I'll call.

She should be kissingthe ground I walk on.

I handed herthe pinnacle of radio,

a morning show in oneof the biggest markets.

She's been at wcv forall of what, five minutes?

You're laughing?

I'm sorry, I've just never seen you

get you so riled up before.

Well...

Maybe once.

So, is the man cave goneor what?

How should I know?

This is all news to me.

Well, I, for one, will be celebrating,

because your showwas despicable.

Thank you, sis.

Well, it was.

Well, I liked it,

although yourrelationship advice

didn't really work outtoo well for me.

Yet.

And it won't.

All I know is, I gotta get rid of her.

You know, the worst thing on radio

is not dead air.

It's him.

Nick?

Hi. Amanda lazaro.

I'm a huge fan.

-Really?-yeah.

Why?

Well, not that I necessarilyagree with everything you say,

but I, uh, I like your style.

Well, thank you.

You, uh, you dothe cooking show?

Lifestyle.

Although I do cook.

Well, that's a coincidence.I eat.

Oh, well, lucky me.

I also happen to havemy reel with me.

Between you and me,

I am really hopingto get into TV,

so if you happento know anyone...

Unfortunately, all the people I know

are basically useless.

Keep it.You never know.

And when you show uptomorrow, show up hungry.

I'm on right after you, and I always have food.

Okay.

This morning gighas some perks.

And I spoke too soon.

Sonia! Amanda lazaro, big fan.

Hi!

The chemistrybetween you two...

Flawless.

Knock 'em dead.

Thank you.

I say, just have fun.

Love is drama.

Love has the powerto break your heart

and make you sick.

-Who needs that?-That's not love.

That's a country western song.

You can be in loveand not get lost in it.

Clearly, you'venever been in love.

Excuse me?

Guys, when a womansays, "excuse me?"

It's not becauseshe didn't hear you.

She's giving you a chanceto change what you just said.

Well, excuse me while I gag.

A reaction I'm sure you'requite used to from women.

Actually, other than you, women seem to like me.

-They're just being polite.-No, they like me.

We're talkingabout here,

on planet earth?

Come on, you really don'tfind me a little bit attractive?

No.

But then, I have a brain.

That's right, we know,

you're smart, you're independent.

You're an island.The question is,

does anyone want to inhabitthat island?

A lot sooner than they wantto visit Nick's man cave,

that's for sure.

You're wrong.

I don't think that I am.

All right, I'll make you a bet.

I can get more women to date methan you can men.

You're on.

Come check out the speed dating showdown.

We'll bring the cameras... you decide.

Love connection!

So, where have you beenall my life, sweetie?

Well, for a good partof the first part,

I wasn't born yet.

Cupid's arrow!

Hey...

Donna, how you doing?

I'm a swimsuit model.

I love swimming.

Switcheroo!

So, what do you do?

Hey, aren't you that girlwho got dumped on the radio?

Yes, but I'd prefer thatthat didn't define me.

How embarrassing was that?

I'll bet you're stillreliving it, huh?

Yeah.

Karmic connection.

Nick, I am a huge fanof your show.

I'm a huge fan of your show.

But I don't have a show.

You should.

Oh, my goodness.

You are too much, Nick!

You're going to make me cry.

Love spell.

Hi. Tell me about yourself.

She left me.

Did you try to talk to herabout it?

I tried! She just...

She saidit wasn't gonna work, and...

Intermingle.

Where'd you go to school?

I went tothe university of Chicago.

-Me too.-Oh, great.

What was your major?

-Women's studies.-Oh.

You're one of those.

One of, um, what?

You know, a feminist.

If you mean by "feminist," you mean someone

who actually believesthat women are people, too,

then, yes, I am.

-You?-um...

...i smell love.

My turn.

This just keepsgetting better.

I'd pull your chair out for you, but they don't do that here.

You must love that.

Well, Nick,

why don't youtell me your interests?

Oh, wait, no, let me guess.

Popcorn,

avoiding intimacy,

and the habitsof prehistoric man?

My interests aremy family, my show

and my dog.

You have a dog?

Doesn't that involve commitment?

You can borrow him if you like.

Might help youget a date,

although you should probablylet him do the talking.

So, just to get women, you bought a dog?

I rescued him.

He was abandoned.He was too big to feed.

We get by

as long as I only eatonce a day.

That's actually really nice.

What?

You're startingto like me a little bit.

The abandoned dog thingalways works.

People! People, shh!

Listen up!

You're receivingyour profiles.

The individuals who wereequally interested in you

will now have your numberand you theirs,

so contact themfor whatever comes next.

What?

Ooh, donut.

That hurts.

This is ridiculous.

Hey...

Where are you going?

Home.

-Aw...-i may never come out.

If it makes youfeel any better,

I'll give you my number.

You know, none of these guys

were interested in hearinganything I had to say.

Well, they mighthave been

if you didn'tput up a fence.

Not everyoneshows up to dates

with wire cutters.

Are you sayingi scare men?

Well, you don't scare me.

Then again, I hada really bossy sister.

What are you doing?

Losing these numbers

in solidarity.

Except for this one.

The swimsuit model.

Just in case.

Hey, aren't you that girl that got dumped on the radio?

And you can watch

Sonia's colossal strikeout for all eternity

on our website, ladies and gents.

How embarrassing was that?

I bet you're still reliving it, right?

As you might have guessed,

I won the speed datingcompetition yesterday.

Oh, yeah, one step awayfrom the nobel prize.

Shockingly, Sonia didn't geta single phone number,

although I didoffer her mine.

If I wanted your phone number,

I could ask any womanon the street.

You've given it outto half the female population.

No, not half.

-Maybe a fourth.-What is wrong with you?

Why are youafraid of relationships?

I think it's called being smart.

Well, I think we should talkabout "black Friday."

I'd rather talkabout your fiance.

Ex-fiance.

After all, it'sbecause of him

I'm stuck with you.

Well, the dooris right behind you.

If you're leaving,

I'll hold it openfor you.

But that's the man's job.

News flash, women can actually open doors.

And there we have it, folks,

you don't need a manfor anything...

And withthat attitude,

you will neverhave one either.

There is no place for needin a relationship.

And for the record,

the reasonwe're not together

is because he wanted my lifeto take a backseat to his.

A backseat?

Or did you just need togive him a little room

in the front seat?

When we met, we were equals,

then all of a sudden, his career takes off,

and he wanted me to besomeone I'm not.

Supportive?

No. What was I supposed to do,

just drop everythingto be his plus one?

Well, if you loved him,

you could have made an effortto support his dreams as well.

We've got toset up for commercial.

Sorry, but I didn'tget the memo

that says thatit's only the woman

who's supposed to supportthe man's ambitions.

And anyway, we weredating for five years,

and he breaks upwith me

with some lineabout "junctures"?

Sorry, what?

Yeah, he said that we wereat different junctures

in our lives.

What does that even mean?

What does that mean, indeed.

And on that note,

we're going to goto a little break here.

You're listening towcv, Chicago's talk radio,

and we'll see you in five.

That's priceless, guys.

The phones are lit up like Christmas trees.

That's what he said,

those werehis exact words?

Yeah, that's it.

I've got totell you something.

I think you'vesaid enough, don't you?

No. No, no, no.

I think your fiance mighthave broken up with you

because he waslistening to me.

No, I am pretty surethat listening to me did.

I think you're right.

I wasn't supportive enough.

And I do put up fencesand scare off men.

I mean, why else did I not geta single number from that event,

not even from the guyon social security?

Sorry, I just, I got lost

right after you said, "you're right."

No, look, you want to getthis Scott guy back?

I don't know, it's too late, right?

No, it's nevertoo late.

He's a guy.

We're like dogs.

Just give us some foodand a chew toy

and we're yours.

And we're back fromcommercial in 10, guys.

Did somebody break in?

It's lived-in.

Somehow, I was picturingsomething else.

Like what, barbed wire?

And a moat.

So, tell meabout this Scott guy.

Like what?

Anything.what's he like?

Well, he's a sports agent.

He has lots of clients.

He just signedthe blackhawks winger.

Can you give me somethinga little more personal?

He gets his hair cutevery six weeks.

And...?

And he likes roses.

Red ones.

You guys were togetherfor how long?

Well, you'reputting me on the spot.

Do you want somethingto drink or eat, or something?

Yeah, sure.What have you got?

Oh, I have no idea.

I didn't think you'd say yes.

I have mustard,

and old take-out, and, uh, butter spray.

Butter spray?

It's good.

How about this, where we can find Scott?

On mondays and wednesdays, he goes to the gym,

Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, he has drinks with clients.

Saturdays and Sundays, he has games,

and then drinks with clients.

When did you guyssee each other?

You know what, never mind.

Let's go for Thursday,

that gives us 48 hours.

That's enough time to teachsign language to a chimp.

Have you done this before?

It's notrocket science.

You want to get a guy back, you make him jealous.

Now let's seethe clothes closet.

You go toa lot of funerals?

Well, I'd be happyto go to yours.

No, I dress to betaken seriously.

Do you know thatonly 17% of radio hosts

are women?

Do you knowthat sports agents

are surroundedby beautiful women?

Well, I met himbefore all of that,

so I didn't have todress up for him.

Well, you do now.

What are you doing?

What happened to the clothes?

Leave him a message.

Something simple and vague.

Like, um...

"I saw somethingthat reminded me of you."

Why would I do that?

'Cause he'll be curiousand he'll call you back.

And when he does,

under no circumstancesdo you answer.

What if he doesn'tcall me back?

He will.

Hey, this is Scott. Please leave a message.

Hey, Scott. It's Sonia.

I saw somethingthat reminded me of you,

and...

It was the...

Scissors that I usedto cut up your picture.

♪ ♪

That'll be $4.50.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, ma'am.

And here we are.

I can't believe I'm letting youtake me shopping.

I must havelost my mind.

Well, a little trustis required.

What, trust Mr. Man cave? Not likely.

Nick! What are youdoing here?

Sonia, this ismy sister, Julia.

Wow, nice to meet you.

Sonia, I love your show.

Oh, thanks.

It's "our show."

No, I turn the sound downwhen you're on.

She needs a dress.

Help.

I would love to.

What's the occasion?

Oh, well, I guess it'ssort of, what,

a jealousy dress?

I have just the thing.

-You do?-Mm-hmm.

Well, you havebeautiful clothes.

Thank you!

So, I am thinkingfor you...

Short, red and sassy.

I'm going to gograb a hot dog.

It'll look great.

I can't believeI'm taking advice from him.

I know, it's scary.

Well, I can't believehe brought you in here.

He hasn't broughta woman in to meet me

since his wife left him

two years ago.

Nick was married?

He didn't tell you.

Don't worry, my lips are sealed.

Well, he was, uh,

pretty crushed.

That's when he started "the man cave."

That's good, Robin, I think the hem's fine.

But Sonia, look at this.

I'm just going totake it up

a bit here?

Sure.

Beautiful.

It is beautiful.

You want to betaken seriously?

Look like that.

An actual compliment.

Thank you.

Sonia, do you play poker?

Haven't for a while.

Well, we havean empty chair,

don't we, Nick?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You should join us.

Women just want youto be yourself, Liam.

That's what I keeptelling him.

Don't listento them.

Bro, I've beenlistening to you,

and all I've gotis a drink in my face

and unanswered calls.

Your old show was so good.

Julia was telling meabout your old show

before "the man cave."

The old show got no ratings.

What are you, like a card shark?

My mother'sthird husband

was a pit boss in Atlantic city.

How many will you take?

Just one?

And it's card "sharp."

No, I'm pretty sureit's "shark".

Nope.how many do you need?

Siri, what is a card "shark"?

Okay, I found this

on the web for "card shark..."

Your "siri" is a man?

I had the female version, but it had an attitude.

Even your phoneis a chauvinist.

Do you want cards or what?

Sorry, I didn't get that.

No, of course you didn't.

Because you weren't listening, because you're a man.

No, that's cool, you can insult him.

He's not sensitive, like your siri.

You don't even know my siri.

Is she a woman? Then I know her.

What?

Amanda?

And pancakes.

Yeah!

Well, Kale-cakes.

With taro syrup.

I'm taro and Kale intolerant.

Oh, come on, just try it.

Ready?

Mm.

Hmm? Very good.

Don't forgetto burp him after.

She just gets jealous

when other womenpay attention to me.

Sonia, do you want some?

Oh, no, thank you, I'll pass.

I do feeli should warn you,

that our boy here

has a two-weekmaximum limit

on relationships.

Don't you, Nick?

Well, maybe he just hasn't metthe right girl.

Hmm.

More pancakes, please.

Happily.

Mm, so good.

Is this an act,

or do you two hate each other?

I wouldn't say hate.

A strong dislike.

We're repulsedby each other.

I'd agree with that.

And that's allthe time we have.

Until tomorrow, remember, guys,

all options open.

And ladies, men are an option,

but stock optionsare more reliable.

Good day, Chicago.

Good show, guys.

Uh, Nick, your squeeze with the big gams

needs your attention.

Thank you, Tanya.

You're bringing themhere now?

Yeah, you shouldcome meet her.

Oh, no, thanks, I'll catch the next one.

I don't know, this one's a keeper.

Hello, buddy.

Hi!

Oh, look at you! Aw...

You really do have a dog.

Thank you.

Aw, sweetheart!

How could anyone give him up?

Well, his kibble bill'sbigger than the national debt.

And he needs a ton of exercise,

which iswhere we're going right now.

What?

He likes you.

Aw, it's mutual.

Hi, cute doggie.

You should come with us,

if you're notdoing anything else.

Sure.

Ah, ah, ah...

After you.

Thank you.

Come on, buddy, let's have some fun.

♪ ♪

Go ahead, buddy.

Sorry to drag youover here,

but if he doesn'tget fed on time,

he eats the furniture.

This is the man cave?

Yeah. Be itever so humble.

You're house-sitting, right?

For an interior designeror something.

Sorry to disappoint, but it's all me.

But it's so...

Un-cavelike...

And habitable.

Where are the empty pizza boxesand, I dunno, beer cans?

It's recycling day.

How eco-friendly.

Since I'm feeding Clooney,

do you want anythingto eat or drink?

I've gotsome tasty kibble.

What a lovely invitation.

Yeah, it'scertified organic.

Holy mackerel!

You are differentfrom the other Nick.

Well, other Nick

gets ratings.

Yeah, but this Nick is so...

Yeah, but who wants tolisten to that?

Don't start liking me.

Don't worry.

If you start liking me, we'll be out of a job.

To not getting along.

Cheers to that.

♪ ♪

I never thoughtI'd say this,

but chicagolooks so peaceful.

My most impressive dish.

And my only dish.

Wow.

Well, it's certainlymore impressive

than my only dish.

Why don't you cook?

My mom, I guess.

She's a good cook... a great cook, actually.

She spent her entire life

trying to preparethe perfect meal,

for the perfect home

for the menwho left her.

So, you've managed to becomeher polar opposite?

I suppose I have.

Not thatthat's a bad thing.

It's not a good thing.

Well, you know,

you're no moremessed up than I am.

Comforting.

Now's when I'd, you know,

point out all of my flawsto make you feel better,

but I can't risk youtalking about them

on the radio.

No need for a big confession.

I'm pretty sure I have a handleon you and your flaws.

Oh, yeah?

What did she say about me?

Who?

My sister.

Nothing.

Mm-hmm.

Except thatyou had been married

and now you are not.

And?

And thatyou were devastated by it.

I'm not going tosay anything on the radio,

I promise.

Thank you.

How long were you married?

Long enough for herto get through med school,

which I paid for,

only to have herdo her residency

halfwayacross the country.

You didn't want to go?

She didn't ask.

Apparently, I wasn't part of the plan.

I'm sorry.

At least she didn'tbreak up with you on the air.

There's that.

It was a text.

That's awful.

My boyfriend in high schoolbroke up with me

by writing it on the blackboard.

And one time,

a guy broke up with meon a roller coaster.

Did he wait for it to stop?

Barely.

How many peoplehave broken up with you?

Hey, Nick!

Hey, Gus!

Wait, you twoknow each other?

Who doesn't know Gus!

Yeah, we used toplay chess together.

I used to beat you at chess, you mean.

I'm ready fora rematch anytime.

Oh, really?

Well, I'll watch.

I like what I'm seeing here.

Oh, we're not together.

I'm going to go up.

Good night.

Good night.

We'll wait for youto get inside safely.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

Beautiful.

The night, or the girl.

The night.

Okay, the girl.

Goodnight, Nick.

Goodnight, Gus.

Come on, buddy.

I was married once.

There, I said it.

Needless to say,

it did not end well.

I've avoided talking about it, which is part of problem.

I have beenducking relationships

to avoid getting hurt.

That was... brave.

Thanks.

Then how comei don't feel any better?

Well, it just happened.

You better give ita couple minutes.

How aboutwe take a call

in the meantime?

Jennifer, you're on.

I just wanted to say

that I really appreciate you

sharing your life so openly with us,

and it's made me feel more comfortable in my own life.

Well, thank you, Jennifer.

If our humiliationscan benefit others,

then that's what we're here for.

And the Sonia and Nick show

will be right back.

Okay, kids,

do not start being niceto one another, okay?

People want to hear you argue.

Remember?

Reservation's at 9:00.

All right, I'll meet you there.

I'll pick you up.

Okay, that soundedlike a date.

Oh, it's not.

We're going tofind Scott tonight.

Right...

And you're sure

this is stillabout Scott?

Oh, no.

He made me dinner.

We talked for hours.

You talk every day herefor hours.

That's different.He's different.

No, no, no, no. Do notmuddy the waters here.

Do you have any idea howhard it is to get a hit show?

You're right.

You're right.

You're totally right.

♪ ♪

What do you think, too much, too little?

Too good forthis Scott guy.

That's the point, right?

That's right.

Then why do I feelso nervous?

Everyone wasstaring at us.

No, they werestaring at you.

Oh, he's here.

You know what, this isn't a good idea.

We should just go.

No, no, no.No, no, no.

Come on, we'vecome this far.

What would you like?

To go home.

Try again.

Martini.

Good choice.

Could we gettwo Martinis, please?

Thank you.

I'll be right back, okay?

Here he comes.

Okay, well, let me just...

Under no circumstances

are you to reachfor your wallet.

Okay.

Sonia, hi!

Hi!

Um, Nick, this is Scott Ryder.

Oh, right.

Hey... Nick lyndon.

Ah, "man cave" guy.

Yeah, I like your show.

Thank you. Cheers.

New show's a lot betternow that we have Sonia.

Yeah, I've seen the billboards.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

You need a drink?

No, I'm good.

I gotta tell you, man,

I can't thank you enough

for calling it quitswith our girl here.

She's the best.

Daylight hoursreally change a guy.

Is this...?

Wow, this is our... yeah.

Shall we?

Um, it was niceto see you, Scott.

You, too.

Nice tomeet you, Scott.

This ismy song with Scott.

I know.I asked Tanya.

You are evil.

You do knowI'm leading, right?

Wow, you're good at this.

Making yourboyfriend jealous?

That too.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Julia made metake dance lessons.

How old were you?

I was 12.

So, last week then?

♪ ♪

Hey, excuse me, guys, you mind if I cut in?

This used to be our song.

Oh, well, actually, um...

Absolutely.

Great.

She's all yours.

Well, hello there.

Hi.

You look fantastic.

Thanks.

It's goodto see you.

Yeah, it's niceto see you, too.

So, that's...

That's yourman cave buddy, huh?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey, you.

Where'd youdisappear to last night?

Well, you seemed likeyou were in good hands.

How'd it go?

Good.

We talked.

Wedding back on?

No, nothing's changed.

Look what just arrived.

For me?

Wow.

"You looked beautifullast night."

Chimp. Sign language.And my work here is done.

All right, get readyto rumble, guys.

Weather's wrapping up.

Hey.

Cranberry, pumpkin, acai muffin, Nick?

I was just dreaming aboutcranberry pumpkin acai.

I must have known.

Sonia?

No, I'll pass, thanks.

She's got anotherwedding dress to fit into.

-You're getting married?-No.

Give it a week.

Sonia, that is great!

Give me the details.Who is he?

He's a big-time sports agent.

You should totallybring him

to the affiliatesparty tonight.

It's seriously so much fun.

Everyone gets all glammed up.

It's a work event, right?

I mean, we're supposed to be

meeting the advertisersand the corporate executives.

Going to have to dragthat Hazmat suit

out of the closet, aren't you?

Hey, Nick, if you're notgoing with anyone,

you can, uh, take me.

Okay, we're on air in 10, guys.

Uh... sure.

Great.

Well, I'm off.

Can't wait to meet your guy.

...or is it the Sonia and Nick show...

Exclusively on wcv.

Hello, Chicago,

and our vast, internationalinternet audience.

Oh, yes, thank you, world,

for makinghashtag teamsonia trend...

So let's jumpright to it, gentlemen.

You want to getthe little lady back

when you're in the dog house,

nothing does the trick

like an over-pricedgaudy bouquet of roses...

If you were to send me flowers...

Which I wouldn't.

But if you did, it would be a dead plant.

The point is, don't be fooled by flowers.

They look pretty, they smell pretty,

but then they shrivel, wither away, and die.

You do realize

that one of our sponsorsis a florist, right?

A quote comes to mind,

"when someone shows youwho they are,

believe them the first time."

Who said that, a man?

Actually, it was Maya angelou.

You read Maya angelou? I doubt it.

No, it was on a calendar.

I think we should take a call.

You're on.

How do you two feel about kids?

-I love kids.-You mean, for lunch.

No.

You, Nick lyndon,

actually want tohave kids someday?

Yeah, loads of 'em.Don't you?

Yeah. I do. Someday.

When was the last timeyou were around one?

Any woman who's ever dated a man

knows what it's like

to take care of kids.

Ouch.

♪ ♪

Scott?-it's me.

Front door's unlocked.

Hey, I'm in!

I'll beright there.

Wow.

Your place, it looks so, uh...

Clean?

You look amazing.

Hey, I really like

this new you.

Oh, it's the same me, just new clothes.

I should just saythank you, right?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

More flowers.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

I will put themin water.

So, I heard the show.

Sorry.

I've tried so hardnot to talk about us,

but the callers seemfreakishly interested.

It's okay.

Actually, it turns outit's good publicity.

My phone's beenringing like crazy.

Sympathy calls?

Clients.

That's great.

Well, I can the storyof that time

that I embarrassed youat the Indian restaurant.

Oh, and don't forgetthe bulls game,

how about that timeat the dry cleaners?

The dry cleaners...

We can't go back there, ever.

Ever.

Yeah.

It's weird, isn't it?

I mean, I break up with youon air,

you get a new show.

And you get more business.

Maybe we're better apart.

Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't go that far.

Look, those things I said,

about us wantingdifferent things.

I mean, that was unfair.

Look, just because I've changed, you shouldn't have to.

I should have beenmore supportive.

I'm not readyto give up on us yet.

I don't know, maybe, um...

Maybe we can tryand meet in the middle.

You mean likethe 50-yard line?

Yeah.

Hi, Tanya.

Oh, my god, you look great.

Scott, you knownick of course,

and this is Amanda lazaro.

She doesa lifestyle show on wcv.

For now.

You must be Sonia'ssports agent fiance.

Yes. Guilty as charged.

Oh, look.

Look at this.Very nice.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Congrats on signing aguillard.

-Thank you very much.-How do you know that?

Yeah, hear, hear.

Bit of a coup, I guess, huh?

Cheers.

I seeyou got my text.

I was alreadywearing this.

-Are you a hockey fan?-Oh, huge.

Yeah, me too.

;all right, I changed.

So, um, what's yourlifestyle show about?

How's your date going?

It's not a date.

Uh-huh.

What, are you going tosit a row behind her

at the table?

Is that an option?

All options open.

How aboutyou and Scott,

you readyto pick out centerpieces?

We're just seeinghow things go.

Yeah? And then what?

I don't know.

Well, whatdo you think?

Gonna go withtoothpick or fork?

Toothpick.

Ew.

I definitelywould have gone fork.

Really?

...you know, if I was in management,

and I had to cut him loose,

I'd say somethingalong the lines of,

you know, "we're justat different junctures

at this point."

I'm going to have to startcharging him for that line.

That's your line?

I should have known.

Well, at leastyou got back together,

and I will take credit for that,

even though, you know...

Never mind.

What?

I don't think I dideither of you any favors.

Really?

Yeah.

Now that isee you together...

I don't reallysee you together.

What are you, a couplescounselor now?

You're on a datewith a teenager.

She's 26.

24.

She's in her 20s, I think.

At this juncture, I think it'd be better

if we stayed out of each other'spersonal lives.

Look, you're the one

that wanted meto get you back together

with Mr. Dancing-with-the-starsover there.

Well, I did.I mean, I do...

"I do." That sounds like a vow.

What do you care?

You didn't evenwait around

to see if I needed a ride home.

I didn't thinkyou wanted one.

Well, I didn't!

-Me either!-Good!

And that's whyour ratings are up 40%.

We fly him out,

we throw himthrough some workouts

and then we give hima big contract.

Exactly.

Yeah, fly her out, too.

First class.

Yeah.

Um, fruit basket.

Hotel.

Oh, they've gota dog, I think.

I don't know,

it's a Jack russellor something like that.

Yeah, perfect.

I've been seeing this girl

and I like her, but I don't really like her that much.

When do I cut bait?

"Bait." "fish."

This is obviouslya call for Nick.

Let's be honest, frank.

You're just afraidshe's gonna cut bait first.

You wouldn't have calledif you didn't like her.

So, you know, be a man.

Hang in there.See what happens, pal.

Has our very own Nick lyndongone soft?

Say it ain't so.

You're listening to

the Sonia and Nick showon wcv talk radio.

We'll be back in 60 to find outif our tin man has a heart.

Did you just advise a callerto pursue a relationship?

Did I?

The cave man evolves.

Another million years, I'll be walking upright.

Hey, guys, check the group text.

New ratings are in and they are off the charts.

Congrats.

It'll do wonders for Brad's ulcers.

Okay, pop quiz.

Which hepburn starredin a 1951 TV movie for the BBC?

Audrey.

Don't waste my time.

I get Google alerts about her.

As part ofa 10-hour marathon

of restored classicsairing tonight.

I know, I dvr'd all 10 hours.

That's impressive.

Oh, no, wait, you have to

because you're goingto the gym with Scott.

Or no, that'smonday and Wednesday.

It's clients/drinks tonight.

You have poker night, right?

/losing money/givingterrible advice night?

Hey, guys, focus, we're back.

You're listening to wcvchicago's talk radio

the Nick and Sonia show...

Sonia and Nick show...

Folks, you are notgoing to believe

the outrageous commentsmy co-host just made.

Oh, you can't takethe tough talk, can you?

So, Nick tells usyou have a lifestyle show?

Mm-hmm, for now.

I see radioas a stepping point.

My ultimate goal is TV.

They can't help you.They know nobody.

I wouldn't say nobody.

I sold a dressto Wendy Williams' assistant.

I love Wendy.

Did you know thatshe started in radio?

Her career trajectoryis in my business model.

Okay, let's play some poker.

Zero vertical...

How about we migrateover to neon?

Oh, I'm in, I'm in.

Do you mindif I call it a night?

Oh, babe, come on, it's early.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll stay.

No, you know what, you don't have to.

I want to.

No, it's okay.

You made itto the 30-yard line.

Gentlemen, to neon.

Neon.

There it is.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh...

Hey, Tanya.

Sonia...

Look, I know you werewarning me as my producer,

but can you be my friendfor a second?

No, no, no, listen, I got your text, and...

Okay, I don't really knowhow to say this,

but so did Nick.

What?

It was a group text, Sonia.

No...

No!

I... it takes awayall my advantage.

I...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, Liam.

I'm just tryingto be nice to her.

Believe me, I have zero interest.

Zero.

She's justan annoying co-worker.

Don't worry,

I'm not going to bring herback to poker night.

No, I see herevery day at work.

That's plenty.

♪ ♪

Annoying co-worker?

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Clooney fell in lovewith a poodle.

And we're on, guys.

Good morning, Chicago.

Have you evertrusted someone,

and then discovered

that they were a two-faced, game-playing, popcorn-eating,

chauvinistic liar?

When someone shows youwho they really are,

you should believe themthe first time.

You read thatin a fortune cookie,

right, Nick?

A, uh, calendar.

Right.

So, who is the real Nick lyndon?

Man cave, or Mr. Nice guy,

rescuer ofabandoned dogs

and women?

Or is it all just an act?

Inquiring minds want to know

what happened toour lovely miss Sonia

between last nightand this morning?

Sonia woke up.

Why are you doing this?

Speaking my mind?

Erecting a fence.

Fences keep out rats.

No, uh, they keep outlarger animals, actually.

Rats can fit throughvery small places.

My point exactly.

She's crazy.

Because all womenare crazy?

You see, I can'twork with her.

Or anyone.

Give me back my show, or I go to wmb.

You're not going anywhere.

I'll go backto evanston.

Where you belong...

Look, I don't knowwhat happened here,

but you both have contracts.

Then put meback on nights.

I'll be happyto work nights.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa... I'll work the graveyard shift.

I found something elsei hate more.

Can't we just talk about it?

We're done talking!

Please, do something about this.

I'm on it, I'm on it.

Sonia, I thoughtyou were falling for him.

Oh, I'm not talkingabout Nick.

Just get me on nights.

Good morning, Chicago.

Good evening, Chicago.

And welcome backto "Nick's man cave."

Be an island, ladies.

The next time I go to an island, it'll be deserted.

And the next timei partner up with a man,

it won't be in a cave.

Keep your options open.

Keep your doors locked.

I can't believeyou cooked.

Well, don't thank me yet,

you haven't tried it.

To your client list.

To your show.

The salad's not ready.

Um... let me just finish.

So, where did youlearn all this?

Amanda.

Really?

You know, I got heran interview with our TV guy

in Seattle.

I think he's interested.

Wow, that's perfect.

She can use her Kale

to brighten upthose rainy days.

So, you don't mindme helping her?

Why would I mind?

I kind of got the feelingyou didn't like her.

Well, she's a girlwho knows what she wants,

which is more than I can sayfor myself.

Okay, will you take that

to the table?

And sit.

I will bring this.

So, I was thinkingabout what you said,

about, uh, eating ramenand peanut butter

in this crummy building.

Right.

Well, it's notthe lakeshore towers,

but it's home.

I'm in escrow.

Oh, that's great.

You don't thinkit's too big,

too extravagant?

I think it's you.

And I think this is me.

Scott, you said

you don't knowwhy you proposed to me,

but I do.

It's becausewe were used to each other,

and we invested so much time,

and it's what wassupposed to happen next,

but...

But I don't think thatyou wanted to marry me,

and I don't think thati wanted to marry you.

Well, I want to sayyou're wrong, but...

You can't.

You thinkwe can still be friends?

As long as I don't have to goto that club anymore.

Do you smell something...

Burning?

It's burning!

It's burning!

He's in there.

Who is?

Him.

If you'reinterested.

I'm not. Thank you

hey!

For a guy who'snot interested,

this is your fourthwalk-by today,

huh, lucky dog?

Hmm, lucky?

What do yougot there, buddy?

Oh, jeez.

See you later.

So, it just means

less sports storiesfor you to listen to, right?

Right.

Guess that iswhat it means.

Good luck, Scott.

You too.

I gotta take this.

You should.

Victor. Yup?

It's not what it looks like.

So, uh, what did you make?

Pot roast.How did you know?

I saw the smoke.

If you ask me,

that's not the only thingyou burned lately.

I know I'm alone,

but for 40 years, I was married to the same woman.

I know what lovelooks like, okay?

Well, I wish I did.

You want some burnt pot roast?

I have plenty.

I'm covered.

I've got a fresh sea basscalling my name.

Oh. Save me some.

Seriously, man,

it seemed like when you were working with Sonia

you kind of lost some of your mojo or something.

Like, are you still with us?

Are you still with the men here or what?

♪ ♪

Here's your cappuccino.

♪ ♪

Winner, winner.

You're so good atthis game.

So, how arethe ratings?

Down.

Again.

Well, it's no wonder.

I don't think I've everseen you so miserable.

Well, once.

Not this bad.

Are you guys tryingto make me feel worse?

Can't you justtalk to her?

Do you have any idea

how many hoursI've spent talking to her?

Any idea how manyhours I've spent

talking to your sister?

Hey, watch it.

Do you knowwhat a cave is?

It's cold, darkand empty.

Is that whereyou want to live?

No, it isn't.

So, you needto get in your car

and go and talk to herbefore it's too late.

Wow, you're bossy.

Tell me about it.

Go.

Honey, with these ratings,

they're going to bump usto the 3:00 A.M. slot.

Do you have any idea

of what that'll doto our social lives?

No worse than the onei already heave.

I don't knowwhy I'm crying.

He is the mostmaddening person

I have ever known.

He makes me crazy.

Yeah, but hemakes you happy.

We're on in 60.

Okay.

Hey...

You gonna beall right?

Okay.

Well, on that note,

that's all the time we have left for today,

but up next is the Sonia meyrick show.

Stay tuned.

Good evening, Chicago.

Hey, uh, can we getto state and eighth, please?

And, uh, can youturn the radio on?

To what station?

To the wcv, the talk radio?

Oh, right.That "be an island" lady.

Thank you.

You know,

I've given so much relationship advice,

to all of you,

and the truth is...

The truth is,

I have no idea what I am talking about.

I've had relationships,

but they're always the kind

where everyone walks awayunscathed.

Hearts don't get broken.

And then I did something...

Really stupid.

I fell in love.

But I fell in love with a guywho has zero interest.

In fact...

In fact, he thinks of me as an annoying co-worker.

So now I know what it feels like...

Hey, Rebecca,

it's Nick, yeah.

Can you put me throughto Sonia's show?

...to have my heart broken.

Yeah, right now.

And it hurts.

But I feel something,

so I guess that's good.

For anyonelistening out there...

My advice is for youto tear down the fences

and get off that stupid island.

I was wrong about everything,

and the truth is,

you can't be in lovewithout getting lost in it.

Line two.

You're on.

Hey. It's Nick.

Don't hang up.

Look, I don't knowwhat happened between us,

but whatever I did,

I am sorry.

It's right up here, it's right up here.

Just pull over.

Look, it's okay.

Can we just not talk about it...

You know, maybe some other time,

out there.

-Here, keep the change.-You have a good night.

No. No!

And I don't have zero interest.

I have 100% interest.

And you are notan annoying co-worker.

Nick, I heard you on the phone.

How did you...?

You know what, never mind.

I was talking about Amanda.

I'm sorry, Amanda, if you're listening.

And even if you are annoying,

I wouldn't change it for anything.

I was an idiot for helping youget back together with Scott.

I was starting to havefeelings for you,

and I got scared.

And you do know who I am.

I'm the guy that sat behind you

in the movie theatres

just so that I could be close to you.

So you could sit behindmy big head?

It's not that big.

I miss arguing with you.

I miss it, too.

Then, I think there'sonly one thing left to do.

♪ ♪

Okay, stop.

No dead air.

At this juncture, I, um...

I believe I needa commercial break?

♪ ♪

Ratings bonanza!

Yes!

What a goal.

♪ ♪

Welcome backto the Nick and Sonia show.

What makes you thinkyou get top billing?

I was here first.

Like Adam and Eve.

They both ended upeating the a poison apple.

No, that was snow white.

Oh, now you're tryingto distract me

with a Princess metaphor?

Is it working?

Maybe.

♪ ♪