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1
00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:27,240
(Helicopter)
2
00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:29,756
(Crash)
3
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,881
Right. That's Tuesday dealt with.
4
00:00:36,927 --> 00:00:38,758
Let's look at Wednesday now.
5
00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:42,766
Uh... Half-seven Mass.
6
00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:45,196
I can take that.
7
00:00:45,247 --> 00:00:47,761
And, uh...maybe...
8
00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:50,446
Could you take
the eight o'clock at all??
9
00:00:52,647 --> 00:00:54,683
Right, I can take that as well.
10
00:00:55,727 --> 00:00:59,436
Now, um...
the half-six evening Mass on Sunday.
11
00:00:59,487 --> 00:01:01,557
Evening Mass?
12
00:01:03,087 --> 00:01:04,281
Too early.
13
00:01:04,327 --> 00:01:07,603
No problem, I can take that as well,
I'll just make a note.
14
00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:10,002
- Morning, Ted.
- Morning, Dougal.
15
00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:14,163
Uh, Dougal?? There's, uh...
16
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,482
There's some shaving cream
just there.
17
00:01:16,527 --> 00:01:18,916
No, there's not, Ted. You're grand.
18
00:01:20,727 --> 00:01:23,036
- No, on you.
- Oh, where, exactly?
19
00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:25,681
- Just there, below your ear.
- Here?
20
00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:28,480
Yes, and there's a bit more...
21
00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:30,961
- Gone?
- No, there's still just a...
22
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,645
It's all over the place.
23
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,526
Oh, God. How on earth
did all that get there?
24
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,797
I didn't even shave this morning.
25
00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:46,117
So, what are we doing today, Ted?
26
00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,317
Confessions and things like that?
27
00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:50,483
Yes, Dougal, things like that.
28
00:01:52,687 --> 00:01:55,838
It's great being a priest,
isn't it, Ted?
29
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,600
God, it's lovely out.
30
00:02:04,287 --> 00:02:05,845
Oh, wait till I tell you, Ted!
31
00:02:05,887 --> 00:02:08,799
Funland's coming to Craggy Island
on Saturday.
32
00:02:08,847 --> 00:02:10,838
Oh, yes, the fairground thing.
33
00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:14,766
I wouldn't have much interest
in that type of thing myself.
34
00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:17,002
They've got a spider baby.
35
00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:20,199
- A what?
- A spider baby.
36
00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,600
A freak show thing.
37
00:02:21,647 --> 00:02:24,878
It's got the body of a spider
but it's actually a baby.
38
00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,326
Oh.
39
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:33,282
How is it a baby?
Does it have a nappy on or something?
40
00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,241
No.
41
00:02:36,287 --> 00:02:38,517
Does it have the head of a baby?
42
00:02:40,647 --> 00:02:42,160
Um...
43
00:02:42,207 --> 00:02:43,196
No.
44
00:02:44,687 --> 00:02:48,999
Well, if it looks like a spider
and it doesn't gurgle or anything,
45
00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:50,844
how do you know it's a baby?
46
00:02:51,887 --> 00:02:53,878
They keep it in a pram.
47
00:02:56,967 --> 00:03:00,164
Dougal,
are you absolutely sure about this?
48
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:03,438
You're not confusing it
with a dream or anything?
49
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:07,605
No, honestly, I saw it on the news.
Honestly! Oh... Oh, wait now.
50
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:11,083
Actually, now that you say it,
it was a dream, yeah.
51
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:15,246
Have you been studying this
like I told you?
52
00:03:15,287 --> 00:03:17,482
Oh, I have, Ted.
53
00:03:17,527 --> 00:03:21,156
Sorry. But we should go anyway, Ted,
it'll be great!
54
00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,358
Last year I did horse riding
and it was just fantastic.
55
00:03:24,407 --> 00:03:26,204
I didn't know you rode horses.
56
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:29,603
Well, it wasn't a real horse,
Ted, like...
57
00:03:29,647 --> 00:03:32,480
It was this old fellow
with a saddle on him.
58
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,397
God, he must've been about 80.
59
00:03:38,447 --> 00:03:40,836
Of course, he couldn't go very fast.
60
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,765
I was kind of lashing him
with the whip and all...
61
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,684
Couldn't get much of a response.
62
00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:48,366
And how long were you up on him?
63
00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:50,557
Oh, I'd say it was about, uh...
64
00:03:52,087 --> 00:03:54,123
about an hour?
65
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:57,318
So you were up on
an 80-year-old man,
66
00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,518
riding him around and whipping him
for 60 minutes?
67
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:04,446
You realise that image will
stay with me for the rest of my life?
68
00:04:04,487 --> 00:04:08,275
I know, Ted. It's great, isn't it?
Come on, we should go.
69
00:04:08,327 --> 00:04:11,797
No, I don't think I could
take the excitement, to be honest.
70
00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:15,203
Suppose I'll just see if there's
anything on the TV.
71
00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:22,003
- 'What type of a jumper is that?'
- 'Well, basically...'
72
00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:23,275
Ahh!
73
00:04:26,247 --> 00:04:28,203
(Sizzling)
74
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:36,359
Maybe I'll just go and study
the old diagram.
75
00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:37,920
(Phone )
76
00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:42,402
Hello? Father Ted Crilly speaking.
77
00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:46,725
Hello, Father. Sorry to disturb you.
My name is Terry MacNamee.
78
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:50,555
I'm producing Faith of Our Fathers
for Telly Eireann.
79
00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:54,236
We're talking to priests
who work in isolated communities.
80
00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:55,879
Would you be interested?
81
00:04:55,927 --> 00:04:59,476
Well, that's very, um...
That's very exciting.
82
00:04:59,527 --> 00:05:02,439
Faith of Our Fathers
is my favourite programme.
83
00:05:02,487 --> 00:05:05,320
Well, you were the first person
we thought of.
84
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,881
If you are interested,
I could come over.
85
00:05:07,927 --> 00:05:09,599
We'd give you a small fee.
86
00:05:09,647 --> 00:05:12,161
- Who's that, Ted?
- Uh, no one.
87
00:05:12,207 --> 00:05:14,596
- No one?
- 'Hello, Father Crilly?'
88
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,558
- No.
- Must be someone, Ted.
89
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,404
Just a moment.
90
00:05:22,287 --> 00:05:23,515
Sorry.
91
00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:26,035
How exactly do you get to
Craggy Island?
92
00:05:26,087 --> 00:05:28,078
It doesn't seem to be on any maps.
93
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:32,040
No, it wouldn't be on any maps, now.
We're not exactly New York.
94
00:05:32,087 --> 00:05:35,204
The best way is
from Galway, go slightly north
95
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:38,637
till you see the English boats
with the nuclear symbol.
96
00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:43,078
They go very close to the island
dumping the old glow-in-the-dark.
97
00:05:43,127 --> 00:05:47,643
Are there any other priests living
with you? We don't list anyone else.
98
00:05:47,687 --> 00:05:50,520
Um...well, uh...
99
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,762
No, there's no one else here.
100
00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:56,083
I'll see you on Saturday.
I'll call when I get there.
101
00:05:56,127 --> 00:05:57,526
Bye.
102
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,842
(Burps )
103
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,759
The ants are back, Ted.
104
00:06:20,607 --> 00:06:24,441
Never turn on the TV when Father
Jack's asleep. You know how he is!
105
00:06:24,487 --> 00:06:26,717
But he's always asleep.
106
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:30,476
Anyone who's served the Church
as long as he has deserves a rest.
107
00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:31,721
(Snoring)
108
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,759
It's an honour for us
to look after him in his old age.
109
00:06:34,807 --> 00:06:36,684
(Muttering)
110
00:06:37,727 --> 00:06:40,958
Look at him,
dreaming of past glories, no doubt.
111
00:06:41,007 --> 00:06:42,759
(Angelic choir)
112
00:06:42,807 --> 00:06:45,321
Girls, pay attention.
113
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:47,437
We've got a special treat today.
114
00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:52,003
Father Hackett has volunteered to
take you all for volleyball practice.
115
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,600
Right, Father.
116
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:57,161
He's just reminded me
it's very warm,
117
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,402
so no need for your tracksuit tops.
118
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,280
(Angelic choir)
119
00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,878
Hello!
120
00:07:14,927 --> 00:07:16,838
Father Dougal McGuire here.
121
00:07:16,887 --> 00:07:20,118
And welcome to this week's
Top of the Pops.
122
00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:21,600
In at number 45 this week
123
00:07:21,647 --> 00:07:24,400
is Father Ted Crilly
with I've Got the Power.
124
00:07:24,447 --> 00:07:29,760
And at number 15 for the 16th week
in a row is Father Jack Hackett,
125
00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,320
with I'm a Sleepy Priest.
126
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,484
How did that gobshite
get on the television?!
127
00:07:37,487 --> 00:07:39,876
Hello to you all.
128
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,964
Ah, is the television
broken again, Father?
129
00:07:43,007 --> 00:07:45,646
- Yes, we...
- There's nothing wrong with it
130
00:07:45,687 --> 00:07:50,966
that can't be fixed with a bit of
you know what in the head department.
131
00:07:51,007 --> 00:07:52,759
Now, then, who's for tea?
132
00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,924
- Me, please, Mrs Doyle.
- Tea? Feck!
133
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,920
- I'm fine, Mrs Doyle.
- You won't have a cup?
134
00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:02,356
No thanks, Mrs Doyle.
I won't have a cup.
135
00:08:02,407 --> 00:08:05,240
- You sure? It's hot.
- No, I'm not in the mood.
136
00:08:05,287 --> 00:08:08,040
All right, so...
Aw, would you not have a drop?
137
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,998
- No, thanks.
- Just a little cup.
138
00:08:10,047 --> 00:08:12,277
- I'm fine!
- I tell you what, Father...
139
00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:14,636
- Seriously!
- I'll pour a cup anyway.
140
00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:17,963
And you can have it if you want.
Now...
141
00:08:19,527 --> 00:08:21,722
And what do you say to a cup?
142
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:23,598
Feck off, cup!
143
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,204
- He loves his cup of tea.
- Feck off!
144
00:08:28,247 --> 00:08:29,680
There you go.
145
00:08:29,727 --> 00:08:31,126
Feck off!
146
00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:33,283
Father Crilly, I nearly forgot.
147
00:08:33,327 --> 00:08:36,922
- Earlier, a Terry MacNamee called.
- Oh, right.
148
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:38,958
- Who's that?
- Never heard of him.
149
00:08:39,007 --> 00:08:41,601
Something to do with the television?
150
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,239
He's coming to fix it.
151
00:08:43,287 --> 00:08:46,085
- He'll be here tomorrow at 12.
- Grand.
152
00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:53,485
Yeah, it's good you
called someone, Ted.
153
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:57,205
It's still not working.
154
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:02,201
♪ You're simply the best
155
00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:03,760
♪ Doo doo doo doo
156
00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:06,799
♪ Better than all the rest,
doo doo doo doo ♪
157
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,041
Ahem.
158
00:09:08,087 --> 00:09:10,157
You frightened the life out of me.
159
00:09:10,207 --> 00:09:12,641
You're doing the old pop star thing.
160
00:09:12,687 --> 00:09:14,723
I was, Ted, yeah.
161
00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:19,316
It was great being on TV today.
I've caught the telly bug.
162
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:21,198
Well...
163
00:09:21,247 --> 00:09:25,638
Get to bed now and get some sleep,
you don't want to get over-tired.
164
00:09:30,087 --> 00:09:32,442
Did you ever want
to get into television?
165
00:09:32,487 --> 00:09:36,844
Ah, no, I... I wouldn't be interested
in that kind of thing, really.
166
00:09:36,887 --> 00:09:40,323
Right. You wouldn't be
much good at it, actually.
167
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:41,925
What? Why not?
168
00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:45,880
Well, you're a bit serious.
And your eyes are a bit crossed.
169
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,921
They're a bit wonky.
The cameras notice.
170
00:09:49,967 --> 00:09:52,356
I am not cross-eyed, Dougal.
171
00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:53,965
Ah, you're a bit, now, Ted.
172
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:57,795
Half the time I don't know if
you're talking to me or Father Jack.
173
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,680
Dougal, why don't you just...
get some sleep.
174
00:10:00,727 --> 00:10:03,161
Right. Just have to say
the old prayers.
175
00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:10,997
Our Father, who art in heaven...
176
00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:17,482
(Ted) Hallowed.
177
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:20,200
Hallowed be thy...
178
00:10:21,407 --> 00:10:22,476
(Ted) Name.
179
00:10:22,527 --> 00:10:25,963
Ah, Papa don't preach...
180
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,925
Dougal, you know you can praise God
with sleep.
181
00:10:30,967 --> 00:10:32,161
Can you, Ted?
182
00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:35,597
Yes, it's a way of thanking him
for a tiring day.
183
00:10:35,647 --> 00:10:39,196
God. There's lots of ways
to praise God, isn't there, Ted?
184
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:43,320
Like that time you told me to praise
him by just leaving the room.
185
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:45,597
That was a good one, yes.
186
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,317
- Ted...
- Mmm?
187
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:58,916
- Ted?
- Yes?
188
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,162
(Dougal) Knock knock.
189
00:11:03,647 --> 00:11:07,686
- Who's there?
- Father Dougal McGuire.
190
00:11:07,727 --> 00:11:09,877
Good night, Dougal.
191
00:11:14,087 --> 00:11:17,397
(Ted, quietly) I can hear you
a bit better now, shh, yeah.
192
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:20,995
You made it, then?
193
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:24,562
I think so. There's no indication
it is Craggy Island.
194
00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,484
There's no signs or anything.
195
00:11:26,527 --> 00:11:30,725
Is there a man looking at you with
a T-shirt saying "I Shot JR"?
196
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,197
Actually, there is.
197
00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:38,522
Ah, you're here, so, yeah.
198
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,240
What? The line is bad,
you're a bit muffled.
199
00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:44,916
I'm on a portable phone,
you caught me by surprise.
200
00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:47,037
I'm on the toilet.
201
00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:51,244
Right. So, er...
So where can we meet?
202
00:11:51,287 --> 00:11:54,962
Anywhere we can get a few good shots?
Any local landmarks?
203
00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,406
- No.
- What?
204
00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:58,517
There are no landmarks here now.
205
00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,046
None at all??
206
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:04,126
No, the island itself is a kind
of landmark. For ships and that.
207
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:07,955
Head away from it and
you're going in the right direction.
208
00:12:08,007 --> 00:12:10,202
- So, uh...
- There's the field.
209
00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:13,284
Oh, a field. Well, that sounds...
210
00:12:13,327 --> 00:12:16,558
It's not a field, really, but it has
less rocks than most places.
211
00:12:16,607 --> 00:12:20,236
Never mind. I'll meet you
at the field. How do I get there?
212
00:12:20,287 --> 00:12:22,278
Ask Tom there. He'll help you out.
213
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,716
Right, Father. Thanks.
214
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:31,125
Bird!
215
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:36,797
(Dougal) Ooooo.
216
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:39,803
Holy Mary Mother of God!
217
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:47,797
God, Ted, I'm so sorry.
It was just a joke.
218
00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:51,203
Tr...try to avoid doing that again,
Dougal.
219
00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:53,636
I thought it was really...Herself.
220
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:59,200
- That's the last thing I need.
- You're right there, Ted.
221
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:04,445
Anyway, it's time for Jack's walk.
Time for your walk, Father Jack!
222
00:13:04,487 --> 00:13:06,682
(Mumbling)
223
00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:08,763
Off around the cliffs.
224
00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:11,605
Can I bring him to Funland, Ted?
He'd love that.
225
00:13:11,647 --> 00:13:14,719
No, he wouldn't.
Take him around the cliffs.
226
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,520
This time, near the edge,
put on the brakes.
227
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,239
He was lucky the last time.
228
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:22,962
Right, Ted.
Um, you're not coming yourself?
229
00:13:23,007 --> 00:13:26,204
Ah, no, I think I'll stay here
and pray for a while.
230
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,562
Oh, ho, what are you after, Ted?
231
00:13:30,607 --> 00:13:32,723
I'm not after anything, Dougal.
232
00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:37,204
It's not unknown for members of
the clergy to pray from time to time.
233
00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:39,761
Here we are, Father Crilly.
234
00:13:39,807 --> 00:13:40,922
Get away!
235
00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:45,245
There's nothing Father Hackett
likes more than some fresh air!
236
00:13:45,287 --> 00:13:46,959
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah.
237
00:13:47,007 --> 00:13:49,077
That's it.
238
00:13:50,487 --> 00:13:53,445
- Yeah, yeah, no...
- Ahh!
239
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,606
(Shouting gibberish)
240
00:13:56,647 --> 00:13:57,841
Come on, Father.
241
00:13:57,887 --> 00:14:01,243
(Confused shouting)
242
00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:04,279
Oh, now, come on, Father Hackett.
243
00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:07,364
That's it, now, in you go.
Isn't that better?
244
00:14:07,407 --> 00:14:10,479
- Good man.
- This'll keep you nice and warm.
245
00:14:10,527 --> 00:14:14,315
(Mrs Doyle ) Are you all right? Ooh.
246
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,125
(Mumbling)
247
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:26,477
Bye, then!
Every single day the same thing.
248
00:14:26,527 --> 00:14:29,883
Once he's out, he has a great time.
He loves them old cliffs.
249
00:14:29,927 --> 00:14:34,205
- I'll be off. What are you up to?
- I'll just have a bit of a pray.
250
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:37,364
All right.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
251
00:15:00,127 --> 00:15:04,359
(PA) 'Patrons are reminded
that parking is unavailable.
252
00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:08,286
'A reminder of the unavailability
of parking facilities.'
253
00:15:08,327 --> 00:15:11,125
I didn't know
this bloody thing was on here.
254
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,646
Hello, Father.
255
00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:15,485
Hello, Tom. Telly Eireann
lads get here all right?
256
00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:18,246
They've gone to film
a bit of the island first.
257
00:15:18,287 --> 00:15:21,165
- They'll be back soon.
- I'll wait in the field.
258
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:23,323
- Father!
- Yes, Tom?
259
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:24,720
I've killed a man.
260
00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:28,965
Did you? We'll talk later, I'm doing
an interview for television.
261
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:35,005
(PA) 'A little boy has been lost.
Thank you.'
262
00:15:41,247 --> 00:15:44,000
Keep your hands on the sides!
263
00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:47,323
(PA) 'The child has now been found,
thank you.'
264
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:49,323
You fat, smelly cow!
265
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:52,120
Take this. You have a face
like a pair of tits.
266
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:54,761
Well, at least that's one pair
between us!
267
00:15:56,807 --> 00:15:59,765
- Hello, Mary.
- Ah, hello, Father.
268
00:15:59,807 --> 00:16:02,116
- Hello, John.
- Pack of Toffos, Father?
269
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:06,524
No, thanks. I have to meet someone.
I'm to be interviewed for television.
270
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,922
- Oh.
- Really? That's fantastic.
271
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:12,846
You know, Father, I think you'd be
brilliant on television.
272
00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:14,002
Well, thank you.
273
00:16:14,047 --> 00:16:17,642
You'll be more than a match for Gay
Byrne or Terry Wogan or any of them.
274
00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:20,076
It'll take weeks
to get to their level.
275
00:16:21,287 --> 00:16:23,596
But I have to go find this film unit.
276
00:16:23,647 --> 00:16:27,686
They probably want to do a few
close-ups and master shots and that.
277
00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:31,515
Don't want to be late and get a
reputation as a Marilyn Monroe type.
278
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,445
- See you soon.
- Good luck, Father Ted.
279
00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:39,281
- Get them fecking Crunchies out.
- Feck off.
280
00:16:39,327 --> 00:16:41,477
(Guitar strumming)
281
00:16:41,527 --> 00:16:43,518
(Banjo repeats guitar phrase )
282
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,964
(Banjo imitates guitar)
283
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:52,283
(Duelling Banjos theme )
284
00:16:57,367 --> 00:17:01,326
Ted! Ted! Over here, Ted!
Come here and look at me!
285
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:04,359
Hey, Ted! What are you doing here?
286
00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:07,638
I thought you weren't interested
in this type of thing.
287
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:10,360
You're supposed to be taking Jack
for his walk.
288
00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:13,126
Well, um...
The cliffs were closed for the day.
289
00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,681
How could cliffs be closed, Dougal??
290
00:17:15,727 --> 00:17:17,445
OK, no. It wasn't that.
291
00:17:17,487 --> 00:17:19,318
- They were gone.
- Ah.
292
00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:22,518
The cliffs were gone?
How could they just disappear?
293
00:17:23,207 --> 00:17:24,526
Erosion.
294
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,797
Come off and to the cliffs with you!
295
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:29,805
There's just another
couple of turns to go.
296
00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:32,077
Woooo!
297
00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:48,039
(PA) 'Patrons are reminded to keep
their hands visible at all times
298
00:17:48,087 --> 00:17:50,726
'when not availing
on the funfair rides.'
299
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:54,316
Go straight home, do you hear?
No more nonsense!
300
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,686
Everyone else is here.
301
00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,446
Dougal, you're a priest,
show some decorum.
302
00:17:58,487 --> 00:18:00,717
- Wish I wasn't a priest.
- What?
303
00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:04,203
- I wish I wasn't a priest.
- Jack heard you say that!
304
00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:06,397
He told me he doesn't believe in God.
305
00:18:06,447 --> 00:18:07,721
Dougal!
306
00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:27,920
Ted! Can I have a go on
the Crane of Death, Ted?
307
00:18:27,967 --> 00:18:30,003
- The what?
- The Crane of Death.
308
00:18:30,047 --> 00:18:33,119
There was a young fellow
killed on it last year.
309
00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:35,476
Look. I'm sick and tired of your...
310
00:18:35,527 --> 00:18:38,280
Ted, a fortune teller!
We'll have one go.
311
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:41,842
- Don't waste your money.
- There might be something in it.
312
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,765
It's rubbish.
How could anybody believe it?
313
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:47,799
It's no more peculiar than
that stuff in seminary,
314
00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:50,645
heaven and hell
and everlasting life and that.
315
00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:53,042
You're not meant
to take it seriously.
316
00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:55,442
You are so too
meant to take it seriously!
317
00:18:55,487 --> 00:18:57,045
- Are you?
- Yes!
318
00:18:57,087 --> 00:18:59,920
- Heaven, hell and everlasting life?
- Of course!
319
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:04,843
Look, Dougal, if I let you go in,
will you go home after?
320
00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:07,401
- I will, I promise, Ted.
- All right.
321
00:19:10,407 --> 00:19:13,126
- (Tarot reader) Hello.
- Let's go, Ted.
322
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,158
- What's wrong?
- I'm scared.
323
00:19:15,207 --> 00:19:17,277
I'll do it and you can watch.
324
00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:19,761
- Hello there!
- Sit!
325
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:22,560
- First, cross my palm with silver.
- Silver?
326
00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:25,599
- I don't carry bags of it around.
- Give me a pound.
327
00:19:28,807 --> 00:19:33,244
Now, I'll interpret
one card at a time, please.
328
00:19:33,287 --> 00:19:35,164
Be careful.
329
00:19:37,167 --> 00:19:38,395
(Spooky music)
330
00:19:38,447 --> 00:19:42,645
Um...I wasn't concentrating.
Perhaps I could pick another?
331
00:19:42,687 --> 00:19:45,326
No, this is
a common misunderstanding.
332
00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:48,564
The Grim Reaper doesn't mean death
in a literal sense.
333
00:19:48,607 --> 00:19:51,917
Rather, it may mean
the death of an old way of life
334
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:54,037
and the beginning of a new one!
335
00:19:54,087 --> 00:19:56,362
I know what that is.
336
00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:58,921
It's probably about
a new bicycle lamp.
337
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:01,197
Another card, please.
338
00:20:01,247 --> 00:20:03,078
(Spooky music)
339
00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,964
Is that good?
340
00:20:06,007 --> 00:20:10,239
Well, ah... It will all become clear
at the next card.
341
00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:11,879
(Gong)
342
00:20:13,487 --> 00:20:17,719
This is really weird. There's only
supposed to be one in each pack.
343
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:24,761
Hello, Tom.
Is Father Crilly around yet?
344
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,798
He is, yeah. He's in there.
345
00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:30,157
That's a nasty scar you've got, Tom.
Where did you get that?
346
00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:33,119
I was, uh...in an argument.
347
00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:37,399
- Oh, I hope you won.
- I certainly did.
348
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:40,007
That's nothing.
I've had worse than that.
349
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,760
Can you believe me own Dad
did that to me?
350
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,885
It looks like a face!
351
00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:51,325
(PA) 'Siobhan
to the refreshment tent.'
352
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:55,042
Where's Father Jack?
It's nearly five, time for his drink.
353
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,045
- You go that way, I'll go this way.
- OK.
354
00:20:58,087 --> 00:21:01,443
(PA) 'Siobhan, please report
to reheat the hamburgers.'
355
00:21:01,487 --> 00:21:04,524
Come, now, Father,
we'd better be off. Come on.
356
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:09,197
Father! Father!
There you are, Father.
357
00:21:09,247 --> 00:21:10,965
We got here at last.
358
00:21:11,007 --> 00:21:13,840
Father, Father. Dead to the world.
359
00:21:13,887 --> 00:21:16,196
You don't know what's going on.
360
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,681
Gin! Vodka!
361
00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:20,763
It's time for your drink, come on!
362
00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:23,480
Ahhh!
363
00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,599
Are you lads from...
from the television?
364
00:21:26,647 --> 00:21:29,605
- Well, yes.
- Oh, yes.
365
00:21:29,647 --> 00:21:34,118
- We'll just ask a few questions.
- Am I gonna be on the telly?
366
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:37,716
Well, yes. We'll start
with a history of the island,
367
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:41,521
then move on to how life has changed
for the islanders...
368
00:21:48,887 --> 00:21:53,403
(Terry ) Father, how would you say
religious beliefs on the island
369
00:21:53,447 --> 00:21:56,837
have been affected by TV
and greater access to the media?
370
00:21:56,887 --> 00:21:59,685
God, no, they're talking to Dougal.
371
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:04,201
- Think, Ted.
- Drink! Drink!
372
00:22:04,247 --> 00:22:06,317
(Ted screams )
373
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,676
(Angelic choir)
374
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:15,604
There I am! It's me, look!
I'm on the telly!
375
00:22:15,647 --> 00:22:19,799
'So, God, does he really exist?
I mean, who knows?
376
00:22:19,847 --> 00:22:25,126
'I don't know. Personally, I don't
even believe in organised religion.'
377
00:22:25,167 --> 00:22:26,964
(Ted groans )
378
00:22:27,007 --> 00:22:29,646
I know, it's great, isn't it?
379
00:22:29,687 --> 00:22:31,120
'A spider baby.
380
00:22:31,167 --> 00:22:35,524
'It's got the body of a spider
but the mind of a baby and...'
381
00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:37,000
(Groaning)
382
00:22:38,847 --> 00:22:42,362
'It wouldn't really bite you,
unless it got a bit older.'
383
00:22:42,407 --> 00:22:43,522
(Groaning)
384
00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:46,764
I can't believe it either,
I'm on the television!
385
00:22:48,407 --> 00:22:51,922
That gobshite again!
Is he never off the air!
386
00:22:59,967 --> 00:23:05,360
(PA) 'A child has been, eh,
lodged in the Tunnel of Goats.
387
00:23:05,407 --> 00:23:09,798
'If we could have a nurse, please,
to the Tunnel of Goats, thank you.
388
00:23:12,727 --> 00:23:18,006
'A goat and a child
have now become lodged together, eh,
389
00:23:18,047 --> 00:23:22,245
'and a nurse has become involved
in the...in the incident.
390
00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:28,601
'Another nurse is required to release
the nurse we asked for previously.
391
00:23:28,647 --> 00:23:30,046
'Thank you.'
30099
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