All language subtitles for Family Guy 17x14 - Family Guy Lite

af Afrikaans Download
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish Download
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,213 --> 00:00:04,983 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,984 --> 00:00:08,286 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,287 --> 00:00:11,722 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,723 --> 00:00:14,793 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,794 --> 00:00:18,263 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,264 --> 00:00:21,662 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,663 --> 00:00:23,228 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,229 --> 00:00:24,866 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,867 --> 00:00:30,310 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:30,311 --> 00:00:34,311 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:38,084 --> 00:00:40,584 Hold the door. 12 00:00:40,585 --> 00:00:44,121 Great. It's that guy I only have one thing in common with. 13 00:00:44,122 --> 00:00:46,992 Hey, Peter. How about that gay encounter we had? 14 00:00:46,993 --> 00:00:48,793 God, every time with this guy. 15 00:00:48,794 --> 00:00:50,529 I'm gonna take the stairs. 16 00:00:55,475 --> 00:00:58,912 Oh, my God, I'm never gonna get up these stairs. 17 00:01:00,347 --> 00:01:01,748 Okay, it's all right. 18 00:01:01,749 --> 00:01:03,883 I do this every week in the opening credits. 19 00:01:03,884 --> 00:01:05,751 All right, let's see. How does that go? 20 00:01:05,752 --> 00:01:08,254 Lucky there's a family guy 21 00:01:08,255 --> 00:01:11,075 Lucky there's... a man who 22 00:01:11,754 --> 00:01:13,593 Positively can do 23 00:01:13,594 --> 00:01:15,594 All the things that make us... 24 00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:20,266 I swear he says the F-word. 25 00:01:22,270 --> 00:01:24,070 Everything hurts. 26 00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:25,838 Everything's wet. 27 00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:28,007 I'm just gonna stay here. 28 00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:30,444 Was Labyrinth a good movie? 29 00:01:30,445 --> 00:01:32,546 I can't remember. 30 00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:35,114 I don't want to watch it again, though. 31 00:01:35,115 --> 00:01:37,349 Seems like a chore. 32 00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:40,620 Aw, even Slinky from Accounting can make it up the stairs. 33 00:01:40,621 --> 00:01:42,789 Don't forget to turn in your time card, Peter. 34 00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,757 What are you, allergic to money? 35 00:01:44,758 --> 00:01:46,859 Ha ha. No. No, I want to get paid. 36 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,195 Just forgot. 37 00:01:48,196 --> 00:01:50,197 Ugh, look at me. 38 00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:53,300 I haven't felt this out of shape since I took surfing lessons. 39 00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:54,967 Boy, this is harder than I thought. 40 00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,703 My arms are getting really tired. 41 00:01:56,704 --> 00:01:58,805 Nah, you're fine. Just keep goin'. 42 00:01:58,806 --> 00:02:01,741 Tai, your positivity is infectious! 43 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:03,877 All right, P-Town, wave comin' in. 44 00:02:03,878 --> 00:02:07,381 I'm just gonna give you a little push, and you just stand up. 45 00:02:26,234 --> 00:02:29,735 Okay, so, welcome to the first meeting 46 00:02:29,736 --> 00:02:32,712 of our women's creative writing workshop. 47 00:02:33,607 --> 00:02:35,610 Ladies. 48 00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:39,513 Okay, Donna, you want to read yours? 49 00:02:39,514 --> 00:02:40,992 Oh, I didn't do mine. 50 00:02:40,993 --> 00:02:44,683 Wha...? Well, then you can't have any more snacks. 51 00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:46,086 You just can't. 52 00:02:46,087 --> 00:02:47,920 Well, I guess it's my turn. 53 00:02:47,921 --> 00:02:50,323 "Louise lowered her velvet hood, 54 00:02:50,324 --> 00:02:52,759 "letting loose her flowing red hair. 55 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,195 "Ignoring her friends' obvious and understandable envy, 56 00:02:56,196 --> 00:02:59,431 "she confidently approached the mysterious castle. 57 00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:00,866 "The doors blew open, 58 00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:03,537 "as if some magical force had been expecting her. 59 00:03:03,538 --> 00:03:05,472 "Louise belonged here, 60 00:03:05,473 --> 00:03:08,707 "if only because this is where Horatio called home. 61 00:03:08,708 --> 00:03:11,811 "Then, through the vegetation, and past the mist 62 00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:15,549 "that sprinkled her heaving bosom, she saw him. 63 00:03:15,550 --> 00:03:20,052 "Horatio, with his long, flowing hair blowing in the breeze, 64 00:03:20,053 --> 00:03:22,222 "his cape fluttering. 65 00:03:22,223 --> 00:03:23,723 "He had only two loves 66 00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:27,860 "in his life: his horses and Louise's heaving bosom. 67 00:03:27,861 --> 00:03:31,063 "He grabbed her tighter than she'd ever been held before. 68 00:03:31,064 --> 00:03:34,401 "A way in which her husband, Paulter, had not held her 69 00:03:34,402 --> 00:03:36,468 "since before they were married. 70 00:03:36,469 --> 00:03:38,572 "Horatio then took Louise by the hand, 71 00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:42,241 "leading her out to his stables as her bosom heaved. 72 00:03:42,242 --> 00:03:44,711 "Louise's mind was racing in anticipation 73 00:03:44,712 --> 00:03:48,247 "of the dirty hay sex that was gonna most definitely happen. 74 00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:50,584 "As the two lovers entangled into one 75 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,885 "atop the probably peed-on hay, 76 00:03:52,886 --> 00:03:54,920 "Louise's bosom heaved. 77 00:03:54,921 --> 00:03:57,056 "They spent the next 18 minutes 78 00:03:57,057 --> 00:04:00,493 "fighting off sneezes, in the throes of ecstasy. 79 00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:02,195 Heaving bosom." 80 00:04:02,196 --> 00:04:05,532 - Damn, that's steamy, Lois. - Really? 81 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,001 Uh, yeah, really. Phew! 82 00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:10,035 Anybody mind if I open me? 83 00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:12,438 Ah! 84 00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:15,509 See you in the shower, ladies. 85 00:04:19,713 --> 00:04:21,114 What am I gonna do? 86 00:04:21,115 --> 00:04:23,215 I've been here all day, and I can't move. 87 00:04:23,216 --> 00:04:27,889 I got it. I'll do what James Franco did in 127 Hours. 88 00:04:29,023 --> 00:04:30,887 UCLA admissions office. 89 00:04:30,888 --> 00:04:32,868 Yes, I'd like to enroll in a couple of classes 90 00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:35,962 so I can have sex with girls not old enough to get into bars. 91 00:04:35,963 --> 00:04:38,601 Peter! I heard you're in some trouble! 92 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,097 I'm stuck! I don't want to die here! 93 00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,970 I just want to go to my desk and surf the Internet. 94 00:04:44,971 --> 00:04:47,608 Hang on, Peter. I'll come up and save you. 95 00:04:49,809 --> 00:04:51,410 Stairs. 96 00:04:51,411 --> 00:04:53,979 Why'd it have to be stairs? 97 00:05:10,831 --> 00:05:14,960 I can't do it. Here, you're just gonna have to kill me. 98 00:05:14,961 --> 00:05:16,932 Wait. Look, Joe. 99 00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:19,772 A lever to turn the stairs into a slide. 100 00:05:22,175 --> 00:05:23,443 Damn it, Peter! 101 00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:25,578 It's just a little water. What's it gonna hurt? 102 00:05:25,579 --> 00:05:26,845 Oh, God! 103 00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:29,181 Delete... history. 104 00:05:29,182 --> 00:05:30,651 No. 105 00:05:31,685 --> 00:05:34,521 No! 106 00:05:43,831 --> 00:05:47,545 Peter, you caused millions of dollars' worth of water damage, 107 00:05:47,546 --> 00:05:50,270 all because you couldn't make it up the stairs. 108 00:05:50,271 --> 00:05:53,966 Aw, man. This means I'm the work fatty. 109 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,207 I haven't been this embarrassed since I forgot 110 00:05:55,208 --> 00:05:58,210 about the silent part in George Michael's "Faith." 111 00:05:58,211 --> 00:06:00,212 Well, I need someone to hold me 112 00:06:00,213 --> 00:06:02,448 But I wait for something more 113 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,717 I've started using these pills called Stiff for Hours 114 00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:06,152 from the gas station. 115 00:06:06,153 --> 00:06:07,787 'Cause I got to have faith 116 00:06:07,788 --> 00:06:10,624 Mmm, I got to have faith. 117 00:06:15,957 --> 00:06:18,105 Dog walking into a room 118 00:06:18,106 --> 00:06:20,364 There's food left on the table 119 00:06:20,365 --> 00:06:22,234 And my owners aren't around. 120 00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:24,337 Just gonna do a little paws-on-the-table, 121 00:06:24,338 --> 00:06:26,374 side-of-the-mouth dog eating. 122 00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:40,919 A Stable Affair by Lois Griffin. 123 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,192 Okay, another writer in the house. 124 00:06:48,195 --> 00:06:50,262 Oh, my God, this is amazing! 125 00:06:50,263 --> 00:06:52,031 This is basically a guide 126 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:54,134 to what Lois is looking for in a lover. 127 00:06:54,135 --> 00:06:55,802 Check this out. 128 00:06:55,803 --> 00:06:58,137 Lois is writing a romance novel about a woman 129 00:06:58,138 --> 00:07:00,040 who is unhappy with her husband 130 00:07:00,041 --> 00:07:01,975 and begins to have a torrid affair 131 00:07:01,976 --> 00:07:04,276 with a caped lover who has horses. 132 00:07:04,277 --> 00:07:05,946 Don't you know what this is? 133 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,882 It's a description of her every fantasy and desire. 134 00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,827 This could finally be my key to... 135 00:07:10,828 --> 00:07:12,886 To what, banging my mom? 136 00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:14,818 You know, you are the worst. 137 00:07:14,819 --> 00:07:16,355 Ladies. 138 00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:24,331 Ugh! You guys, this is so embarrassing. 139 00:07:24,332 --> 00:07:25,632 All this happened 140 00:07:25,633 --> 00:07:27,934 because I'm too fat to make it up some stairs. 141 00:07:27,935 --> 00:07:29,377 Peter, you got to lose weight. 142 00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:31,646 I know. You guys got to help me, though. 143 00:07:31,647 --> 00:07:34,048 I can't do it on my own. I'm too weak. 144 00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:35,517 All right, we'll help you, Peter, 145 00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,185 but we're doing it Quagsberry rules. 146 00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:38,452 What's that? 147 00:07:38,453 --> 00:07:40,221 A woman... or in this case, a man... 148 00:07:40,222 --> 00:07:42,690 Has to do anything I say, no questions asked. 149 00:07:42,691 --> 00:07:44,625 Anything, I promise. 150 00:07:44,626 --> 00:07:46,461 My dearest Lois, 151 00:07:46,462 --> 00:07:47,896 I've taken Quagmire's place 152 00:07:47,897 --> 00:07:50,397 as a Union soldier in the Civil War. 153 00:07:50,398 --> 00:07:53,868 Shortly after I arrived, they amputated my leg. 154 00:07:53,869 --> 00:07:56,671 I dared them to, and it was a big mistake. 155 00:07:56,672 --> 00:07:59,541 The other guy in my tent is a wet dead guy. 156 00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,766 Yours, Peter. 157 00:08:08,417 --> 00:08:10,819 All right, Peter, today we start helping you lose weight. 158 00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,252 First, let me just make sure 159 00:08:12,253 --> 00:08:14,488 you're not hiding any food in your clothes. 160 00:08:15,825 --> 00:08:19,761 Taste. Taste. Taste the rainbow. 161 00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:21,898 Peter, are you hiding Skittles in your pants? 162 00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:25,499 Is that all of 'em? 163 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,503 Just-just give me a second. 164 00:08:30,605 --> 00:08:33,507 When I turned about 40, it started breaking up into two. 165 00:08:33,508 --> 00:08:34,843 Weekend plans? 166 00:08:34,844 --> 00:08:36,512 Please don't talk to me. I need to focus. 167 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,188 Good morrow! 168 00:08:47,189 --> 00:08:50,425 What is thee, uh, up to? 169 00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:51,959 Brian, is that your horse? 170 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,460 Wh-When did you get a horse? 171 00:08:53,461 --> 00:08:55,262 Oh, I've been an Equus for a while. 172 00:08:55,263 --> 00:08:57,531 The play with Harry Potter's penis? 173 00:08:57,532 --> 00:08:59,868 Just my trusty steed here. 174 00:08:59,869 --> 00:09:01,324 We have a special connection. 175 00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:03,637 Me being an equestrianist and everything. 176 00:09:03,638 --> 00:09:05,906 I-I had no idea you were into horses. 177 00:09:05,907 --> 00:09:07,374 Sexy, huh? 178 00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:09,643 No, seems like a hassle, and expensive. 179 00:09:09,644 --> 00:09:11,478 How do you pay for it all? 180 00:09:11,479 --> 00:09:13,948 Well, the costs are meager when you're able to dominate 181 00:09:13,949 --> 00:09:17,721 and control the beast with just... the slightest glance. 182 00:09:18,695 --> 00:09:20,262 Stop it. 183 00:09:20,263 --> 00:09:21,829 Ha, ha! What?! 184 00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:23,264 This is nuts! 185 00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,968 Anyway, I've been speaking to my horse in the silent language 186 00:09:25,969 --> 00:09:27,935 of knowing, and I... 187 00:09:27,936 --> 00:09:30,104 Never walk behind a horse. 188 00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:32,807 You would have to hate horses not to know that. 189 00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:34,343 Being one with nature. 190 00:09:35,611 --> 00:09:37,179 A mutual bond of trust. 191 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,849 Different species, same heart. 192 00:09:51,326 --> 00:09:54,730 You're dethspicable. 193 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,968 Welcome to CrossFit, Peter. 194 00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:01,802 How's it different from a regular gym? 195 00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,906 Do regular gyms have open garage doors 196 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:06,874 where members' large dogs can charge innocent civilians? 197 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:08,410 No, I... I guess not. 198 00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:10,012 Okay, to start, why don't you go meet the owner, 199 00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:11,579 Jayce, over there? 200 00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:14,621 He'll help maximize your nutrition regimen. 201 00:10:14,622 --> 00:10:17,656 - Hi, I'm Peter. - Hey, man. Jayce with a "Y." 202 00:10:17,657 --> 00:10:18,670 Yeah, I figured. 203 00:10:18,671 --> 00:10:20,504 So, to start out, like, uh, 204 00:10:20,505 --> 00:10:22,840 tell me, what's your favorite kind of food? 205 00:10:22,841 --> 00:10:24,843 Pizza. 206 00:10:24,844 --> 00:10:26,667 - Oh, man. - What? 207 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,012 You, uh... 208 00:10:29,013 --> 00:10:30,681 y-you can't eat pizza. 209 00:10:30,682 --> 00:10:32,349 Why not? 210 00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:34,017 It's, uh... it's... 211 00:10:34,018 --> 00:10:35,519 Uh, it's... 212 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,687 it's bad. 213 00:10:36,688 --> 00:10:38,690 Why? 214 00:10:38,691 --> 00:10:40,959 Because, uh, it's, like, uh... 215 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,960 pretty bad for you. 216 00:10:42,961 --> 00:10:44,094 But what makes it bad? 217 00:10:44,095 --> 00:10:45,696 Oh. 218 00:10:45,697 --> 00:10:48,565 Yeah, no, it's, like, uh... 219 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,969 like, probably one of the worst things you can eat. 220 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:53,304 How come? 221 00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:57,208 Uh, uh, because, of, like, the ingredients in it. 222 00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:59,310 Which ones? 223 00:10:59,311 --> 00:11:01,311 Uh, I mean, yeah, like, 224 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,214 basically, all of them. 225 00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:04,983 Name one. 226 00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:06,584 Yeah, I... yeah, I mean... 227 00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:08,719 you said... your-your words, 228 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:09,921 uh... pizza. 229 00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:11,455 All right, I'm cutting this off right now. 230 00:11:11,456 --> 00:11:14,725 It's clear you're an idiot and deserve no more of my time. 231 00:11:14,726 --> 00:11:17,494 Oh, Peter, you're home from CrossFit. 232 00:11:17,495 --> 00:11:18,562 Here, have some pizza. 233 00:11:18,563 --> 00:11:20,064 Oh. 234 00:11:20,065 --> 00:11:22,400 Uh, you know what is in that? 235 00:11:22,401 --> 00:11:23,767 It's, like... 236 00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:25,436 - It's very bad. - What? 237 00:11:26,587 --> 00:11:28,907 Uh, wow. 238 00:11:28,908 --> 00:11:31,109 Okay, Peter, a good and conspicuous workout 239 00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:33,076 is to do lunges on the sidewalk. 240 00:11:33,077 --> 00:11:34,244 Just do like I do. 241 00:11:34,245 --> 00:11:35,747 - Step. - Uh-huh. 242 00:11:35,748 --> 00:11:38,315 - Step. Step. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 243 00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:39,751 - Step. - Uh-huh. 244 00:11:39,752 --> 00:11:42,586 - Step. Step. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 245 00:11:42,587 --> 00:11:43,921 - Step. - Uh-huh. 246 00:11:43,922 --> 00:11:46,657 - Step. Step. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 247 00:11:46,658 --> 00:11:48,091 Step. 248 00:11:48,092 --> 00:11:49,761 - Step. - Uh-huh. 249 00:11:49,762 --> 00:11:51,195 - Step. - Uh-huh. 250 00:11:51,196 --> 00:11:54,331 - Step. Step. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 251 00:11:54,332 --> 00:11:56,835 Step. Step. 252 00:11:56,836 --> 00:11:58,335 Step. 253 00:11:58,336 --> 00:12:00,137 Step. Step. 254 00:12:00,138 --> 00:12:02,473 Okay, Peter, whatever you do, 255 00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:04,275 don't look down the hole. 256 00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:08,613 Oh, God! I looked down the hole! 257 00:12:08,614 --> 00:12:11,215 Oh! I got a sense of what's down there! 258 00:12:11,216 --> 00:12:13,450 Okay, okay. All right, you can still save this. 259 00:12:13,451 --> 00:12:14,618 Just don't smell. 260 00:12:15,687 --> 00:12:17,689 Oh, God! I smelled everything! 261 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:20,458 Oh, it's so deep in my nose! 262 00:12:20,459 --> 00:12:22,026 Okay, okay, whatever you do, 263 00:12:22,027 --> 00:12:24,528 do not dip your cupped hand in the water. 264 00:12:24,529 --> 00:12:26,864 Oh, God! I'm doing it! 265 00:12:26,865 --> 00:12:29,066 Oh, God! What is wrong with me?! 266 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:31,569 The chemicals in the water are not breaking down 267 00:12:31,570 --> 00:12:33,503 the integrity of these movements! 268 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:35,306 Okay, Peter, you can quit pretending. 269 00:12:35,307 --> 00:12:37,041 - The workout's over. - Thanks. 270 00:12:37,042 --> 00:12:38,810 I was just in there checking my phone. 271 00:12:38,811 --> 00:12:40,177 My phone! 272 00:12:43,047 --> 00:12:44,248 Okay, Peter, 273 00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:45,516 whatever you do, 274 00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:48,555 do not open your eyes underwater. 275 00:12:51,590 --> 00:12:52,990 What the hell? 276 00:12:52,991 --> 00:12:55,158 I thought we were gonna get a ten-dollar scoop of ice cream 277 00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:56,661 with all the millennials who can afford 278 00:12:56,662 --> 00:12:58,162 ten-dollar scoops of ice cream 279 00:12:58,163 --> 00:13:00,163 but can't afford to move out of their parents' house. 280 00:13:00,164 --> 00:13:02,099 We are. But first I need to pick up this wine 281 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,767 that Lois mentioned in her story. 282 00:13:03,768 --> 00:13:06,170 Where's that part about the wine? 283 00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:09,273 "The doors magically opened." 284 00:13:09,274 --> 00:13:11,341 "Chill came over her." 285 00:13:11,342 --> 00:13:13,176 "Through the vegetation." 286 00:13:13,177 --> 00:13:15,846 "Light mist." 287 00:13:15,847 --> 00:13:18,583 Uh, Brian, everything you read just happened to us. 288 00:13:18,584 --> 00:13:21,719 I think her book is about the grocery store. 289 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,788 Oh... my... God. 290 00:13:24,789 --> 00:13:25,858 What? 291 00:13:32,697 --> 00:13:35,099 It's the guy, Horatio, from Lois's book. 292 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,536 She's fantasizing about having an affair with this guy. 293 00:13:38,537 --> 00:13:41,772 Or, who knows, maybe even is having an affair with him. 294 00:13:41,773 --> 00:13:43,708 Excuse me, where are the crackers? 295 00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:45,575 What? We don't work here. 296 00:13:45,576 --> 00:13:48,146 We're a dog and a baby. I... do I... 297 00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:50,113 Do my-do my clothes make it look like I work here? 298 00:13:50,114 --> 00:13:51,883 I think it's the overalls, yeah. 299 00:13:51,884 --> 00:13:53,383 Hey, get back to work. 300 00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:54,585 I'll see you back at home, Brian. 301 00:13:54,586 --> 00:13:55,888 I've got to finish my shift. 302 00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:06,931 I don't get it. 303 00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:08,900 You've gained 12 pounds. 304 00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:11,234 Looks like we're gonna have to take more drastic measures. 305 00:14:11,235 --> 00:14:13,570 Peter, say you're not gonna have sex with me. 306 00:14:13,571 --> 00:14:14,738 - What? - Just say it. 307 00:14:14,739 --> 00:14:16,239 I'm not gonna have sex with you. 308 00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:20,078 Guys, let me out of here! 309 00:14:20,079 --> 00:14:22,080 No! You said you would do whatever's necessary 310 00:14:22,081 --> 00:14:23,447 to help you lose weight. 311 00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:25,083 Please, let me out! 312 00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:27,417 Glenn, is it okay if I stay the night? 313 00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:28,922 Oh! 314 00:14:32,791 --> 00:14:34,425 Rancor, what are you doing here? 315 00:14:34,426 --> 00:14:35,960 I'm trying to diet, too. 316 00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:37,494 Eating too many pig guys? 317 00:14:37,495 --> 00:14:40,031 I thought it was the pig guys, but, you know what, 318 00:14:40,032 --> 00:14:42,134 it was the bread. 319 00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:49,507 I'm so hungry! 320 00:14:49,508 --> 00:14:51,109 Let me out! 321 00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:52,777 I'll tell you what... First guy that lets me out 322 00:14:52,778 --> 00:14:54,445 gets his own spin-off. 323 00:14:54,446 --> 00:14:55,546 Not you, Cleveland. 324 00:14:55,547 --> 00:14:57,382 Sorry, Peter, this is for your own good! 325 00:14:57,383 --> 00:15:00,455 Yeah, you told us you would do anything to lose weight! 326 00:15:00,456 --> 00:15:02,453 I lied! I just want to be free, 327 00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:05,656 like a recently divorced man with no kids! 328 00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:10,460 This is nice. 329 00:15:10,461 --> 00:15:12,302 This is better. 330 00:15:15,801 --> 00:15:17,468 Stewie, I can't believe it. 331 00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:19,637 I mean, do-do you think Lois could be having an affair 332 00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:20,738 with this Horatio guy? 333 00:15:20,739 --> 00:15:22,407 Brian, will you watch Stewie? 334 00:15:22,408 --> 00:15:23,740 I have to go get groceries 335 00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:25,676 and won't be back until later tonight. 336 00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:27,311 Uh, yeah, sure. 337 00:15:27,312 --> 00:15:28,812 Oh, my God, Stewie, she's going to the store 338 00:15:28,813 --> 00:15:30,480 and won't be back until tonight? 339 00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:32,215 Do you know what that means? 340 00:15:32,216 --> 00:15:35,018 Disguises? 341 00:15:35,019 --> 00:15:37,754 No, but we should follow her and see what the hell is going on. 342 00:15:37,755 --> 00:15:39,089 Stewie-Chan! 343 00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:44,594 I'll meet you there, Brian. 344 00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,398 I've got to finish my shift. 345 00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:56,206 All right, Peter, now, I know you haven't eaten in a while, 346 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:59,042 so this is something called the Pocket Diet. 347 00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:00,578 Okay, guys, empty your pockets. 348 00:16:00,579 --> 00:16:03,346 Whatever you got in there, he eats. 349 00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:06,716 Uh, Glenn, can we go somewhere and just talk for a minute? 350 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,786 Aah! 351 00:16:09,187 --> 00:16:10,955 Guys, stop saying things, all right? 352 00:16:10,956 --> 00:16:12,553 I will say the things. 353 00:16:22,868 --> 00:16:23,868 Oh, my God. 354 00:16:23,869 --> 00:16:25,204 He's getting in the car. 355 00:16:26,538 --> 00:16:27,705 He's going in for a hug. 356 00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:29,373 They're hugging! This is insane! 357 00:16:29,374 --> 00:16:31,242 I know. This guy. 358 00:16:31,243 --> 00:16:34,313 This guy is a star. 359 00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:40,084 I can't believe it, Stewie. She picked him up. 360 00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:41,085 They hugged. 361 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:42,386 Lois is having an affair. 362 00:16:42,387 --> 00:16:44,555 We've got to stop them. 363 00:16:44,556 --> 00:16:47,557 Aw, great. 364 00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:50,560 Just great. 365 00:17:09,614 --> 00:17:12,083 Lois, don't do it! 366 00:17:12,084 --> 00:17:13,084 Brian? 367 00:17:13,085 --> 00:17:14,619 What the hell are you doing here? 368 00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,086 Don't do what? 369 00:17:16,087 --> 00:17:17,255 Don't have sex with Horatio! 370 00:17:17,256 --> 00:17:18,421 It's not worth it! 371 00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:19,690 What are you talking about? 372 00:17:19,691 --> 00:17:21,825 Look, I found your book and read it. 373 00:17:21,826 --> 00:17:23,427 I thought that you wrote 374 00:17:23,428 --> 00:17:25,095 everything you were looking for in a lover, 375 00:17:25,096 --> 00:17:27,931 and, if I could embody some of those things, 376 00:17:27,932 --> 00:17:30,200 maybe I would have a shot with you. 377 00:17:30,201 --> 00:17:31,935 But then I found out Horatio is real, 378 00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:34,104 and-and I couldn't bear to see you do something like this 379 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:35,539 to the family. 380 00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:37,374 It's not you, Lois. 381 00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:39,442 Wait, let me get this straight. 382 00:17:39,443 --> 00:17:42,113 You, without asking, read something I wrote? 383 00:17:42,114 --> 00:17:43,847 Then, thinking I was revealing 384 00:17:43,848 --> 00:17:46,183 all my most intimate wants and desires, 385 00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:47,684 you thought that you could exploit 386 00:17:47,685 --> 00:17:49,953 what you read to seduce me? 387 00:17:49,954 --> 00:17:51,822 But when you thought I might be cheating 388 00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:53,324 with someone other than yourself, 389 00:17:53,325 --> 00:17:56,326 you found that, and only that, morally objectionable? 390 00:17:56,327 --> 00:17:57,995 And you bring Stewie here, 391 00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:00,064 who doesn't understand any of this?! 392 00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:02,533 I predict, in the finale, everyone can understand me. 393 00:18:02,534 --> 00:18:04,235 That'd make a good finale, right? 394 00:18:04,236 --> 00:18:06,069 Brian, this is Horatio. 395 00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:07,805 He's special. 396 00:18:07,806 --> 00:18:09,574 I know you think he's special. 397 00:18:09,575 --> 00:18:10,975 No, he's special. 398 00:18:10,976 --> 00:18:12,809 He's learning disabled. 399 00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:15,179 I like Coldplay. 400 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,315 - Ooh... - Oh... 401 00:18:17,316 --> 00:18:19,482 I'm not having an affair with him, Brian. 402 00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:22,085 I volunteered at the special needs living facility, 403 00:18:22,086 --> 00:18:24,221 and Horatio happened to like horses. 404 00:18:24,222 --> 00:18:26,390 So, once a week, I take him to the stables. 405 00:18:26,391 --> 00:18:29,559 And the cape is from a Darth Vader costume he had as a kid. 406 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,028 Did you know he's the boss of the stormtroopers? 407 00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:34,664 Yes, I have fantasies about him dominating me 408 00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:35,999 with his idiot strength. 409 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,335 But it's just that... 410 00:18:37,336 --> 00:18:38,702 A fantasy. 411 00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:40,438 That's why I wrote it in a story, 412 00:18:40,439 --> 00:18:43,440 because I knew that I would never act on it. 413 00:18:43,441 --> 00:18:45,042 Ugh. I never thought a dog 414 00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:47,711 could be such a genuine piece of human garbage. 415 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,046 Lois, 416 00:18:49,047 --> 00:18:51,248 I'm truly sorry for what I thought. 417 00:18:51,249 --> 00:18:53,584 It all just made sense to me at the time. 418 00:18:53,585 --> 00:18:55,920 But now that I see what it is, 419 00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:58,055 I'm ashamed of myself. 420 00:18:58,056 --> 00:18:59,923 I hope you can find it in your heart... 421 00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,259 Hey, Bri. 422 00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:04,544 There's a good girl. 423 00:19:08,066 --> 00:19:09,133 Joe and Cleveland, 424 00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:11,370 are you ready to see your new Peter? 425 00:19:16,107 --> 00:19:19,043 What do you guys think? 426 00:19:19,044 --> 00:19:20,377 I don't believe it. 427 00:19:20,378 --> 00:19:21,778 I'm speechless. 428 00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:26,730 Hey, look, it's Jonah Hill sometimes! 429 00:19:33,557 --> 00:19:34,892 Wow! 430 00:19:34,893 --> 00:19:36,893 Looking good, Peter. 431 00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:39,563 Yes. I might want me a little taste of that. 432 00:19:39,564 --> 00:19:41,565 Oh, well, Sheila, look out. 433 00:19:41,566 --> 00:19:43,800 Be careful what you ask for, 'cause you never know... 434 00:19:43,801 --> 00:19:45,670 I might... Are-are you serious? 435 00:19:45,671 --> 00:19:47,270 'Cause I will do this, 100%. 436 00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:48,471 My wife's in, too. I'll call her. 437 00:19:48,472 --> 00:19:50,007 We'll do a whole thing. 438 00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:52,677 Hey, Lois, I got a two-top. 439 00:19:52,678 --> 00:19:53,744 Okay. 440 00:19:53,745 --> 00:19:55,748 She's out, but I'm still in. 441 00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:02,319 Boy, I got to admit, 442 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,921 I feel a little sheepish to get so fooled 443 00:20:03,922 --> 00:20:06,123 by a silly little book that Lois wrote. 444 00:20:06,124 --> 00:20:08,425 Yes, but, you know, I think what we missed in all of this 445 00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:11,862 is that Lois wrote a beginning, middle, and end to something. 446 00:20:11,863 --> 00:20:13,530 What have you written lately, Brian? 447 00:20:13,531 --> 00:20:15,498 Well, nothing, but, you know, I think-I think 448 00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:17,133 any writer knows how hard it is 449 00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:18,768 to be staring at that blank page. 450 00:20:18,769 --> 00:20:21,104 Sounds like you did write something: 451 00:20:21,105 --> 00:20:22,773 your career's obituary. 452 00:20:24,009 --> 00:20:26,376 Well, that's our dog and baby. 453 00:20:26,377 --> 00:20:28,278 Hi, this is Chris Griffin. 454 00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:31,281 Boy, Lois had some amorous adventures this week. 455 00:20:31,282 --> 00:20:33,517 But you know what really turns me on? 456 00:20:33,518 --> 00:20:34,852 Reading. 457 00:20:34,853 --> 00:20:36,787 Why don't you get yourself down to the library 458 00:20:36,788 --> 00:20:38,288 and open up a book. 459 00:20:38,289 --> 00:20:40,524 Here's a few of my favorite books. 460 00:20:40,525 --> 00:20:42,727 J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. 461 00:20:42,728 --> 00:20:45,395 The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. 462 00:20:45,396 --> 00:20:48,132 And, of course, The Dirt by Motley Crue. 463 00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:50,200 Seriously, read The Dirt. 464 00:20:50,201 --> 00:20:52,969 They snort a row of live ants like cocaine. 465 00:20:52,970 --> 00:20:55,672 Remember, kids, a library card is free, 466 00:20:55,673 --> 00:20:57,975 but knowledge is priceless. 467 00:20:57,976 --> 00:20:59,982 Get that Dirt book. 468 00:20:59,983 --> 00:21:03,983 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 33142

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.