All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs S28E16 chldren of the Corn 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-BFM_track3_[eng]

[Static]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

♪

-Have you ever been to one
of those farms where they say,

hey, let the kiddies run free
in the corn maze

while you pick your own corn?

My dad used to love
those places.

Mama would say, "But the
rattlesnakes

love that corn maze, too."

And he was like, "Well,
if the kids see rattlesnake,

I'll just shoot it.

But the main reason they
wanted to go in the first place

was so we could get one of
those big wooden bushel baskets,

or seven or eight of them,

and fill them up
with ears of corn

so we could take it home and
shuck it and eat corn forever.

-I would love that,
because you know,

when they ask that question
like, you know,

what would you eat if you
just only could have one thing?

Mine is corn.
-Really?

-But, Robin, corn is
the most evil cash crop.

-What?
-Yeah.

I think there's something wrong
with the food when you can say,

hey, you can either eat it
with your Sunday dinner

or put it in your car's tank
instead of gasoline.

I mean, how can that be possible
that it can do both?

-Plus, they use it to make
high fructose corn syrup.

-Which -- What is high
fructose? What is that?

-You know, also pronounced
fructose. Who cares?

Sugar substitute in Cokes
and stuff like that.

-Okay.

Why do -- why do so many
products, say,

made without high
fructose corn syrup?

I mean, they're
like answering a question

that nobody really asked them.

You know, I didn't ask them

whether high fructose corn
syrup was in that root beer.

I just wanted a root beer.

I don't think they're required
to tell you what

the 17 ingredients
of root beer are,

but they are required to tell
you about the corn syrup.

I mean, they could put it
in the little box on the side,

the one that says, you know,

3% of your daily high
fructose corn syrup allowance

or whatever,

but they're so afraid
of getting sued that they say,

no high fructose in this baby,
you know?

So...
-Okay, love your pronunciation.

But is this discussion
anywhere in the movie?

-Oh, yeah. Oh yeah.

Our next movie
is "Children of the Corn."

[Cheering]

Thank you for wearing
the corn hat, Robin.

And I was just wondering

why Stephen King would choose
corn as the chosen crop

of the weather devil.

-I don't remember
being a weather devil.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get a thunderstorm
and a tornado

and the ground starts to shake

and the land starts
buckling like the world's

biggest groundhog
is right under the surface.

And then the children go crazy
and they kill their parents,

and they start crucifying
19-year-olds on corn stalks.

And then what happens?

And then what happens
in this movie?

But only in corn fields.

Never happens
in a soybean field.

-Soybeans are nice.
[Laughter]

-Alright. Plus, I remember
when we would get home

and start shucking the corn,

and my mama would cook it
for dinner,

and then we'd grill it
and eat it off the cob.

It never tasted right.
[Laughs] It wasn't --

It wasn't what you call
sweet corn.

It was field corn.

So why wouldn't field corn
be better?

Because normally,

anything you pick out
of a field is better

because you just picked it
out of a field.

But the grocery store corn was
better than the field corn,

which my dad would
never admit was true.

I would say, "Dad,
this is not as good

as the -- as the as the corn
we get down at the A&P.

So where they put in
high fructose corn syrup

in the corn in the store,

which wouldn't make sense
because that would be

like corn cannibalism
or something.

-I still love corn.

-Okay.
[Laughter]

Even though they use it
in the rubber

in car tires.
-Really?

-And fireworks,
that's got corn in it.

And -- and that sticky stuff
on the flaps of envelopes,

that's got corn in it.

You know,
those paper plates you buy

when you don't want to wash
the dishes?

-Yeah.
-Alright, cornstarch.

-What?
-They put it in shoe polish.

That's corn, concrete.
They use corn to make concrete.

You know who loves corn?
Pigs love corn.

A whole lot of the corn goes
straight to the slaughterhouse

so they can fatten
up porkers and bovines

and toilet paper.
-What?

-Corn, drywall.

You want to eat drywall?
Of course you don't.

Crayons.
-Oh, speaking of crayons.

-Yeah.
-I am going to do

some Crayola drawings

like the ones
in the opening titles.

-You are?
-I am, "Last Drive-In" ones.

-Okay.
-I can do it while

you're painting his toenails.
-Yes.

-No, we're not
going back to that.

-Yes, we are. It's happening.
-It's happening, Joe Bob.

-Alright, can I please finish
my rant, girls?

Okay.
-Yeah.

Please do, because we
really need to start this movie.

-Alright, diapers.
-Yeah.

-Corn.
Spark plugs, corn.

Hand sanitizer, corn.
-What?

-Okay, here's the most sinister
one, in my opinion.

In the grocery store,
vegetables like carrots,

broccoli, celery contain
this ingredient that they make

from corn that they call
a "processing aid."

All it does is make
the vegetables look good.

It doesn't do anything else.

So corn is not only infecting
our lives in 9,000 ways,

it's spreading
to the other foods in the store.

And also the high fructose
corn syrup is not just in Cokes,

it's in salad dressing,
It's in yogurt,

it's in chewing gum,
It's in peanut butter.

You know, it's -- it's --

it's an electrical conductor
in batteries.

[Laughter]

They use it to make bricks.

They use it to make wax paper.
-Oh, my God.

-In fact,
the two of you undoubtedly

have corn on your bodies
right now.

-I feel like that's true.
-What?!

-In the form of blush.

If you have blush or lipstick
or eyeshadow.

-Okay. Are you done now, please?
-No, one more thing.

-Okay, go for it.

-We are all indeed
children of the corn.

-Yes!

-Okay, now, are you done?
-I am.

-Alright.
-Let's go.

-Yes.
-Big Steve King, by the way,

was one of the first supporters

of the original marathon
back in 2018.

He drove so much traffic to us
so we could break the Internet.

So, "Children of the Corn,

in my estimation,
this is an early Stephen King.

It's better than "Cujo."

It's not quite "Dead Zone"
in my opinion,

but Big Steve always delivers.

"Children of the Corn"
starts off one day

when the Baptist church
in Gatlin, Nebraska

is letting out
and everybody is headed

over to the coffee shop

to eat something greasy
and disgusting like meatloaf.

Only once they try the coffee,

they start grabbing
their throats

like somebody just forced him

to watch an all day
"Friends" marathon,

and then they start
making noises

like a major Maytag appliance.

And then their kids come in
the restaurant

and start mowing them
down with meat cleavers

and sickles and pickaxes.

And one guy gets held down

while they stick his hand in
the automatic roast beef slicer.

And it's okay, though, because
nobody was ordering at the time.

Now it's three years later,

and this little kid is running
through the cornfields

with the suitcase trying
to make it to the highway,

but a man with a butcher knife
in his holster

turns the kid
into shish kebab meat

and then puts him out
on the road

so some tourists will mow him
down like a potato pancake.

And then this movie starts
to get grisly,

because basically what we
got is a bunch of little brats

that killed all the grownups
in town,

and now they make
gas-a-haul all day and murder

tourists and worship
this kid named Isaac,

who has a Buster Brown haircut
and stands about two foot six

and looks like Charlie Brown

with a piece of goat meat
lodged in his throat.

There's -- there's also
a kid named Malachi

who looks like Alfalfa with his
hair grown out like a hippie,

and Malachi likes
to kill little dogs

and old coot gas station owners.

And I call these the
corn flight kids.

Alright,
so these two tourists come along

and figure
out something's wrong

when the streets of the town
are deserted

and rotten corn stalks
are sticking out everywhere.

And this doctor
and his blonde girlfriend

go walking through all these
buildings full of corn stalks.

And after about 15 minutes,

they say there is something
strange about this town.

And so the road scholar who says

this gets hung up
on a cornstalk cross

so they can sacrifice her
to He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

But first they have
to wait for Amos.

Amos is the 19-year-old wimp
who likes to carve on his chest

with a farm implement
and drain his blood into a cup

so everybody can drink it.
Now, Amos wants to go to him

by strapping himself
up there on a cross,

while the cornflake kids crowd
around him

and do a Vienna boys
choir number,

and Amos and the blonde bimbo
are going to go to him together

because the bimbos
husband is hiding out over

in the atomic bomb shelter
with a couple of little kids

who have been hiding
out from Isaac

and playing "Monopoly"
for the last three years.

So a little too much plot
getting in the way of the movie,

but decent drive-in flick.

So let's take a look at
those Drive-In totals.

We have 10 dead bodies,
one dead dog, no breasts.

That's Linda Hamilton
refusing to drop her top

in the no breast category there.

One motor vehicle chase,
about two pints of blood,

heads do not roll,
hands roll,

excellent
groundhog-mushroom-cloud

monster,
great scene where Peter Horton,

the tourist with an IQ of 24,
gets strangled

by a demon cornstalk,
one mass murder,

throat slashing,
one cleaver to the cranium,

prophetic picture-crayoning.
[Laughter]

One corn maze escape
attempt gone wrong,

cornstalk crucifixion,
cat and mouse,

gratuitous country-road driving,
gratuitous cornfield close ups,

farm implement fu,
cornstalk fu,

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for Courtney Gains

as the hippie Alfalfa.
-Whoo.

-John Franklin as Charlie Brown,
Fritz Kiersch,

the guy who directed
this sucker, and Big Steve,

who made it all possible
with his original short story.

[Cheering]

His original short story
published in Penthouse magazine.

Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

Oh, man.
-Whoo.

-I like this movie.
-Have you seen it?

-Yeah.
-Is the scary

Sky Bar still here?

Oh.
-He's not scary.

He can really dance!

-I think he got into
Felissa's vodka.

-Yeah,
I bet it's made out of corn.

We should kill him.
-No, I love the sky bar!

-Robin, you love everything,
Robin.

So...
-I mean, true.

[ Laughter]
-You know what you are, Robin?

You're a hippie born too late.
-Yeah, that's kind of true.

Yeah.
[Laughter]

-Yeah, yeah, you do it.

Come on, Sky Bar. Chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah!

Sky Bar! Sky Bar!

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Birds chirping]

[Crow squawking]

[Flies buzzing]

[Bell tolling]

♪

♪

-Morning.
-Morning, reverend.

-Thank you.

[Indistinct conversations]

-It was about three years ago.

I was the only kid
in church that day.

The others were with Isaac
out at the cornfield.

I didn't get to go
'cause dad didn't like Isaac.

He was pretty smart, my dad.

After church we've been
to Hansen's, just like always.

Sarah was homesick with mom.

She'd come down
with the fever real sudden.

-Morning, Dave.
-Morning, Pop.

How are your wife and Sarah?

-Dad was worried

so we went to call Mom
first thing.

-I'm gonna call your mom, okay?
-Okay.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Okay, Jobie.
You want your usual?

-Yeah, strawberry shake.

That's when I saw Malachai
and the others.

I guess their meeting
with Isaac was over.

[Indistinct conversation]

-Hi.
-They were acting

real creepy.

-There you go, Jobie.
-Oh, thanks.

[Indistinct conversations]

-How is she?

-[Groaning]
-I'm worried, Dave.

The fever's gone
from 101 to 104.

-Uh-huh.
[Bell rings]

Sure.

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

Mm-hmm.

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

Okay.

[Crow squawks]

-Good coffee.

♪

-[Groans]

-[Gasping]

-[Grunts]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Oh, my god!

-No!

Stop it!

[Man groans]

- Dave, are you listening to me?

♪

[Machine whirring]
-Don't do it! Don't do it!

[Screaming]

[Flesh tearing]

-Don't!

Don't!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Bell chimes]

-What do you kids do --

[Man grunts, woman screams]

♪

-It happened everywhere
in Gatlin that day.

That's when Sarah started
drawing these pictures.

♪

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Party horn blows]

-[Laughs]

Happy birthday!

-What are you doing?

Oh, you're crazy.
-Okay. C'mon! C'mon, c'mon.

Make a wish.

-[Chuckles]

[Blows]

-So, what did you wish for?

-To live happily ever after.

-Is that a proposal?

-No, it's not.

-Okay.

Well, I guess
I'll give you this anyway.

Come on.
-What is it?

Oh!

That's nice!

-Turn it over.

-[Chuckles]

I like this.

-In honor of this
special occasion

we have a birthday serenade.

-♪ A one, a two
a one, two, three, four ♪

♪ No more books and studies

♪ Now I can stay out late
with my buddies ♪

♪ I can do the things
I wanna do ♪

♪ 'Cause all my exams
are through ♪

♪ I can root for the Yankees
from the bleachers ♪

♪ And don't have to worry
about teachers ♪

♪ And I'm so glad
that school is out ♪

♪ I could sing and shout ♪

♪ School is out ♪

♪ Everybody
gonna have some fun ♪

♪ Everybody gonna
jump and run ♪

♪ C'mon, people
don't you be late ♪

♪ I just got time
to take my girl out today ♪

[Laughs]

-Yay! [Chuckles]

You're whacko.

Holy cow!

[Sighs] We better get going now.

We got a lot of driving
to do today.

-Couldn't we just say
the hell with it

and stay here
for a couple of hours?

I wish.

Starting Monday I've got
50 patients a day to look at.

-I got a couple things
you could look at.

-[Chuckles] Oh, is that right?

[Knock on door]

-Hello?

Hello? Maid service.

-Um, we'll be out in a minute.

Oh, we gotta get going.

I'm gonna grab a quick shower
before we go, okay?

[Music playing on radio]

[Crickets chirping]

C'mon, honey! You're making
something out of nothing.

-Right. To me it's something,
to you it's nothing.

-Listen, I'm just worried about
this internship, okay?

I've been working for this
for four years.

-I know.

I do understand.

It's just, why do you have to be
such a jerk about it?

-[Chuckles]

Welcome to Nebraska.

[Rooster crowing]

-We weren't the only ones
who thought Isaac was weird.

One day Joseph told us
he was running away.

He said he couldn't
take it anymore.

He was pretty scared. I wasn't.

-I'm scared.
-Me too.

-There's nothing
to be afraid of.

I said I'd come back for you.
I promise.

-Can we go with you? Please!
-No.

I'd never make it with you two.

-But we don't like it here.

-I said you'll be all right!

As long as nobody finds them
pictures you've been drawing.

-She can't help it.

-That won't matter
to Isaac and Malachai

They'll take it as a sign.

Anyways, you now crayons
and drawings are forbidden.

Just like that record player.
-But we like it.

Isaac doesn't let us
do anything.

-Well, you just better
mind him until I get back.

Or else, you know what happens.

-You're not going through
the corn, are you?

-I can't go no other way.

-But what if --
-I said it'll be all right.

Unless you tell anybody
I'm gone.

-We won't.

-Cross your heart,
hope to die, stick a...

-[All] ...needle in your eye.

-Okay. You know
what that means now?

If you tell, you're gonna burn
on the lake of fire

for all eternity.

Make sure nobody's looking.

-Okay. Go!
-Nobody's looking.

Nobody's looking.

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Vicky sighs]

-I spy with my little eye

something that begins
with the letter "C".

-Corn.
-Right.

So now we know...

back roads are even less
interesting than the highway.

-Maybe they've discovered music.

-Hallelujah!

[Overlapping chatter]

-There are many mansions...

but there's no room
for the fornicator!

-No! No room!
-No room

for the homosexual!

-No room!
-No room!

-No room!

-No room
for the drug abusers!

-No room!
-No room!

-Amen. Peanut butter
and white bread!

-There's no room
for the college graduate!

No room for people
who watch public television.

-No room for commitment!
-Amen!

C'mon.

[Dramatic music playing,
leaves rustling]

-[Panting]

♪

♪

[Crow squawking]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting]

♪

-Here it is.

I wonder how it got here.

-Not me.

-Okay. Now, it looks like
this one goes to Grand Island

and this one
cuts up to the highway.

-Where's this Gatlin
we've been seeing the signs for?

-It's not on here.

-What do you mean,
it's not on here?

It's gotta be on here somewhere.

-Burt, look out!

[Tires screeching]
[Screaming]

♪

[Groans]

-Hang on. Let me check.

Let me check.

Where? Right there?
-Yeah.

-It was just a bump.

Just try and relax.

-That was an animal, right?

-I gotta go back there, okay?

Just stay here and try to rest.

C'mon, buddy.

Oh, Lord!

♪

-Is he...

-Oh, yeah.

♪

Oh, God!
-Easy, easy. C'mon.

Easy.

Take it easy. Don't look at him.

♪

Okay.

Now listen to me.

There's something
very wrong here.

So I want you
to go back to the car

and wait for me there.
Understand?

And keep all the doors locked
until I get back.

-Why? Where are you going?

-I'll tell you when I get back.
Just do what I say.

[Wind blowing, insects chirping]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

[Crow squawking]

♪

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-[Chirps]

♪

♪

[Door handle rattles]

♪

♪

♪

-Burt.

♪

♪

Burt!

Burt.

♪

♪

Burt!

♪

♪

♪

♪

I'm so sorry.

[Music sting]
[Screams]

-Vicky, c'mon.
-Burt!

-Easy. Calm down.

-I kneeled down next to him.

-Okay.
-He's --

-It's okay. Take it easy.

Just take it easy. Relax.

You're okay, understand?

-Yeah.

-You're okay.

It's okay.
It's okay.

[Wind gusting]

[Trunk closes]
-[Sighs]

[Engine revving]

-Me and Sarah
were playing in our old house.

We played there lots.

Malachai said it was forbidden.

But I think that's because
nobody ever asked him to play.

When I grow up,

I'm gonna have
all the money in the world.

-Me too.
-You can't.

-Why not?
-Because I'm gonna have it.

-I'll get it first.
-Will not.

-Will too.
-Will not.

-Will too.
-Oh, yeah? How?

[Upbeat music playing
on record player]

♪

[Mutters]

Seven.

One, two, three,
four, five, six...

[Coughs]

...seven.

Alright! See?

$200.

-Uh-uh, Jobie!

♪

-How much?

-Thirteen thousand
hundred dollars.

-Thirteen thousand
hundred dollars?

-Uh, okay, $2,000.

-Mm-hm. Thought so.

$100, $200, 3--

I gotta a great idea.

Let's pretend this guy is Isaac

and we're gonna put him in jail.

-What if he gets
a Get Out of Jail Free card?

-[Mutters]

What card?

[Laughter]

[Music stops]

-Do you think it might've been
some kinda accident,

like farm equipment
or something?

-Not like that.

[Sighs] His throat
was cut deliberately.

He was already dead when he
stumbled out into the road.

-Whoever killed him,
do you think he saw us?

I mean, I felt like
we were being watched.

-Possible.

Blood starts to coagulate
in four minutes.

When I went to get the suitcase
it was still fresh.

-Then he coulda been out there!

-I couldn't just leave it there.

I mean, what if it holds
some sort of clue?

Let's open it.
-No.

Let's just get to a phone
or a house or some place.

-Malachai took us
right to Isaac.

I figured he'd finally
tapped a little squirt

into punishing us
for being unbelievers.

Up 'til then,
we'd been forgiven

'cause we weren't in the corn,

the day "He Who Walks
Behind the Rows"

made himself known.

That bothered Malachai.

He had a lot of problems.

[Door creaking]

-I found these two
in one of the old homes.

They had a game and music...

and this.

-They come already.

You have the gift of sight.

This is a blessing, my child.

-I've seen this car
upon the road.

-Go to the old man.

Make sure he tells them nothing.

-What about these two?

-Take them back where they were.

-But they had a game and music.
They're forbidden.

-Question me not, Malachai.

I act according to His will.

[Sarah and Job grunting]

-[Groans] You'd think we were on
the damn moon.

We haven't even seen a truck.

-We'll be in Gatlin soon.

-Do you think he lived there?

-We may never know that.

I really think
we should open it.

-Okay.

-Let's see if I can get
some news.

[Indistinct chatter on radio]

-Only by the blood
of the lamb are we saved!

-I'm getting tired of that crap.

[Suitcase unclasps]

-[Grunts]
-What is it?

-Jesus Christ!
-Not in my book.

-It looks like some
sort of primitive folk art.

-I think it's repulsive.

-Sarge, how about
that number six?

Oh, damn it!
Better make it an eight.

C'mon. C'mon.
We ain't got all day.

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Oh, good boy, Sarge.

Yeah. We'll have that
transmission fixed in no time.

Then we'll get on the radiator.

Damn. This road is becoming
a regular highway. [Chuckles]

Ain't this about
the third car in a month, huh?

We know what to do,
don't we, boy?

-[Sighs] You better
put that suitcase away.

[Car buzzing]

Be right back.

Hi, we've had ourselves --
-I ain't got no gas.

-No, I don't need gas.

-I ain't got
no diesel fuel neither.

-No, you don't
understand. I need to use --

-If you don't buy no gas,
you can't use no restroom.

[Bird squawking]

-Your telephone,
I need to use your phone.

-Telephone?
I ain't got no telephone.

Sarge.

[Sarge whimpering]

Sarge, you be still now.

[Wind howling]

Mister, what you wanna do,
is to go to Hemingford.

It's about 19 miles down
that right fork there.

-What about Gatlin?
-Gatlin? [Chuckles]

There ain't nothing in Gatlin.

[Sarge barking]

-What do you mean,
"There ain't nothing in Gatlin?"

-Folks in Gatlin's got religion.

They don't coddle the outsiders,

and they probably won't have
a phone there either.

[Sarge barking]
Sarge.

Mister, I'd like to stay here
to shoot the breeze with you

about politics and stuff,
but I got a transmission to fix.

Now, you get on that
right fork there

and you'll be in Hemingford
in no time.

-Right.
[Sarge barking]

-Sarge, sit! At ease!

-Yeah. Thanks a lot.

-Sarge!

-Either that man is senile,

or he's been out
in the sun too long.

[Sarge barking]
-Sarge!

Come back here!

Sarge, get back here!

[Sarge barking]
On the double!

Do you hear me?
Come back here. Come on!

That's an order.

[Man continues indistinct]

[Sarge barking]

[Thunder rumbling]

Who is it? Is that you?

What do you want?

[Sarge barks]

[Bird squawks]

♪

[Bell rattles]

What you doing in there?

♪

[Door bangs open]

-Well, there really isn't
that much stuff in here.

Just kids' stuff.

Clothes, matches,

compass, pocket knife.
-I don't -- I don't get it.

Camping stuff?
-Yeah.

Oh, great! This must be our day.

Didn't the last sign we saw
say Gatlin was three miles

and pointed that way?
-That's what I thought.

[Groans] Did I miss a turn?

-No, we've been going straight.

-Well, somebody's been
messing with these signs then.

Hemingford's gotta be
straight ahead.

-Yeah.

[Car revving]

-Must have been the wind.

[Thud]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Wind howling]

♪

Them hood latches
ain't worth a damn.

Blow over in a bad fart.

[Metal clangs]

[Children laughing]

[Thunder rumbling]
Who is it?

I never told them nothing.
I swear it.

I kept our bargain
just like always.

-Jesus Christ! Gatlin!

What do they have,
a monopoly on road signs?

What about Hemingford?

-For people who don't
like visitors

they sure do advertise enough.

Over there.

♪

-Of course, it's the wind.

♪

[Grunting]

♪

[Wind howling]

♪

[Crying softly]

♪

Why did you have to go
after them, Sarge?

[Door creaks]

♪

Why, you bastards!

You can't do this to me.

♪

[Grunts]
[Metal clangs]

♪

♪

♪

I know you're in here.

♪

C'mon.

C'mon!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

I can smell you,
you stinkin' little skunks.

C'mon.

♪

Murdering little devils!

♪

C'mon!

♪

[Thunder rumbles]

[Static]

[Laughter]

-How long does it take
for this stuff to wear off?

-You are gonna love it.
[Laughs]

-What color is that?
-It's crystal pink.

-I'm not going to be able to
go to the locker room at the gym

until this is off.

-I've only done two toes.

Do you want me to do,
like, a lavender?

-Yeah.
No, I don't want to start over.

It's like it's already
enough torture.

So just keep doing
what you're doing.

What are you doing, Darcy?
-Well,

these images just come
to me automatically.

I can't stop drawing them,
like...

Like, look at this one.

-Oh, wow.
-What?

-Is that my hat...
-Yes.

...from the first marathon,
when everybody thought

I was doing the last show
of my life?

-It was so sad, yes.
-Yeah.

Interesting you would pick
that image.

-It's just all
just popping into my brain.

I cannot control this right now.

-Alright.
-Genius.

Well, that was the late,
great R.G. Armstrong

as the gas station owner
who gets murdered for...

I'm not sure what he
gets murdered for.

I think he's made
a deal with the cultist

to not tell anybody
what's going on,

and they think he betrayed them,

although we've seen that
clearly, he did not betray them.

Anyway, if you've ever driven
through Kansas or Nebraska

or Iowa, you know there are
many stretches of land

that are just corn as far
as you can see in any direction.

Uh, the evil town in the movie
is Gatlin,

supposedly in Nebraska,

but Gatlin was created
out of tiny towns

in the middle of nowhere
in Iowa.

Hornick, Iowa, population 239.

Salix, Iowa, population 429.

And Whiting, Iowa,
population 734,

and the headquarters
for the film was Sioux City.

Since all three of those towns

are within reasonable
driving distance of Sioux City.

And the director was
Fritz Kiersch,

a Texan who was making
his directorial debut

and having it right
at the moment when

Stephen King film properties
were blowing up like crazy.

It was actually the eighth
Stephen King property adapted

for the screen...
-Whoa.

-And almost all of them
had been hits,

and the only person
who seemed to dislike the movie

was Linda Hamilton,
who plays Vicky.

She called it the worst movie
she ever made,

and I disagree, Linda.
-What?

-We will take that into
consideration when we talk about

how much effort you put
into this -- this role.

Alright.
I think you've got the setup.

You got the set up
in the first two minutes

with the diner scene,
so let's get back to the movie.

Roll it.

Can I take a look at some
of the --

Can I look at those, Darcy?
-Yeah.

I mean, look at this.
It's so weird.

I don't know.
It's coming to me.

-That's -- That's you.

That's a self-portrait
of you as...

-Frankenhunter.
-...as Frankenhunter.

-[Indistinct]
-Oh.

-What's that other one?
-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, my God.
-Remember when I --

when I chopped off
your head?

-What?
-Darcy --

-You chopped his head off.
-You're kind of dark.

-I mean, are you just
noticing those? Yes.

[Laughter]

-[Laughs]

-Ouch!
-Oh, sorry.

After I finish, Joe Bob,
I'm gonna --

I'm gonna give you, like,

a little bit of tips on
the toenail hygiene situation.

-Alright.
-But this pink looks

so good on you.

It's kind of corny.

[Laughter]

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Grunting]

-Hey, party! Yeah!

Chug it!
Chug it! Chug it!

-[Grunting intensifies]

[Thuds]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

-What was that?

-[Sighs] That was probably
just my golf bag.

-Are you sure?
-What do you mean am I sure?

[Tires screeching]
-Vicky.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-God, this isn't even a road.

We'll never gotta
get out of here.

-We will too, now stop it!

♪

Sorry.

-Just tell me where we are.
-I don't know.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

We're right back
where we started from.

We never should have listen
to that old fool.

Hemingford is 19 miles,
Gatlin is only three.

I don't care
how much religion they've got.

We're going there right now.

Don't ever show up
in my emergency room, buddy.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-Behold.

A dream did come to me
in the night.

And the Lord did show
all this to me.

-Praise God! Praise the Lord!

A time of tribulation has come.

A test is at hand.

The final test.
-What has the Lord commanded?

-In the dream
the Lord did come to me

and he was a shape.

It was He Who Walks
Behind the Rows.

And I did fall on my knees
in terror and hide my eyes

less the fierceness
of His face strike me dead.

He told me
all that has since happened.

He said,
"Joseph has taken his things

and fled this happy place

because the worship of me
is no more upon him...

so take you his life
and spill his blood."

-He did?
-Yeah.

"But let not the flesh
pollute the corn.

Cast him instead upon the road."

-And so it was done.

Joseph, the betrayer,
was cast out.

-And He Who Walks
Behind the Rows did say,

"I will send outlanders
amongst you.

A man and a woman.
And these outlanders

will be unbelievers
and profaners of the holy."

-I wish Isaac never came here.

-But he's always been here.

Just like He Who Walks
Behind the Rows.

-"And the man shall
sorely test you

for He has great power.

Even greater
than that of the blue man.

-The blue man!
Yes, the blue man!

-And just as the blue man
was offered upon to Him,

so shall be the unbelievers!

-Make sacrifice unto Him.

Bring him the blood
of the outlanders!

-[All chanting]
Praise god! Praise the lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Praise God!
Praise the Lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Praise God!
Praise the Lord!

-Let's get out of here!

[-All chanting]
Praise god! Praise the lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

[Birds chirping]

-It looks like a swinging place.

[Suspenseful music playing]

I guess nobody told them
we were coming.

-I hope not.

I don't see anybody.

♪

-Town Hall.

Grocery store.

Hansen's Cafe.

Let's see if they got a phone.

-Unless a ghost is using it.

-[Chuckles]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-What is it with this corn?

-[Scoffs] You got me.

Phew.

♪

[Grabs phone,
coins clinking, dialing]

♪

It's dead.
Just like everything else here.

[Rat squeaks]
-Yuck!

-A rat.
-Yeah.

Just an ordinary
coffee shop rat.

Now can we
get out of here, please?

-Hey. Hey!
Wait a minute! Come back here!

C'mon, Vicky. Hurry up.
I don't wanna lose them.

♪

[Engine starts]

[Tires screeching]

-So, what are you gonna do
if you catch them?

-Ask where we can get help.
What else?

-They just got off that way.
-Okay.

Damn it! Where did they go?

Look, we're already in the car.

Why wouldn't we just
go on to Hemingford?

That would take us 20 minutes.
-We just found people.

-Yeah, three kids
that tried to steal our car.

There's something
very strange about this town.

-[Sighs] Maybe you're right.

We'd be better off
in a bigger town anyway.

The size of Seattle.
-Yeah.

-Over there!
-What?

-I just saw a door open
and close.

-I didn't see anything.

-Let's check it out.
-Why?

I thought we were going.

-Settle down.
-Don't patronize me.

-I'm not patronizing you.

I just wanna see
if somebody's there.

Hello?

Hello?

[Knocks on door]

Anybody home?

We've had an accident.
We need to use your phone.

-Okay. Now can we go?

Burt, this is somebody's house.
-I know. I know.

I just want to use a phone.

Hello?

-Gross.

-I'll check out the back.

I found the phone.

-Matches the decor perfectly.

This is three years old.

-I don't understand
what's going on here.

-Well, can we go?

[Bang]

[Whispering] Burt!

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Stairs creaking]

♪

-Hello?

♪

Anybody here?

[Stairs creaking]

♪

♪

[Knocks on door]

♪

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Both gasp]

[Guitar music playing]

♪

-[Exhales]

[Both chuckle]

Don't be afraid.
We didn't mean to scare you.

-Hi!

What's your name?
-Sarah.

-Oh, Sarah.
That's a beautiful name.

This is Burt and I'm Vicky.
-Are you here alone, Sarah?

-Do you live here?

-You just come here to play?

-Are your mommy
and daddy around?

-They're in the corn field.

-Oh, what are they doing there?
-All the grownups are there.

-Are they working there
or having a meeting?

-No.
Isaac put them there.

-Who's Isaac?

-Come on, sweetheart,
tell us who Isaac is.

-Our leader.

-Leader of what?

-Everybody.

-Of course.

-Listen,
could you take us to Isaac?

-Unh-unh.
-Why not?

-He's scary.
-Look, Sarah.

It's very important
that we speak to some grownups

as soon as possible.

-We're wasting our time, Vicky.

-Well, give her a chance.

-Yeah. I'm gonna go look
at the Town Hall.

-Why?

-Because we have a murder
to report

and we're standing here
talking in circles,

wasting our time.

-Well, maybe she can help.

-Well, fine.
Then you stay here with her.

Listen, things just
aren't happening fast.

[Keys jingle]

I'm gonna leave you the car.
I won't be gone very long.

If anybody comes,
just come honk. Okay?

-Okay.

-Are we safe?

-Yes. It's a little weird here,
but it's safe.

I'll be back.

[Door creaking]

-So, it looks like
it's just you and me.

What were you doing here by
yourself? Just playing records?

Come on, you can tell me.

-Drawing.

-Drawing...

What's so secret about drawing?
-I'm not supposed to.

-You're not supposed to draw?

Who says? Isaac?

-Malachai.

-Malachai?

Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you draw me a picture

and we won't tell Isaac,
or Malachai, or anybody?

How's that sound?
-Okay.

[Static]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

-So, you're doing more
of those Crayola drawings?

-I am.
-What you got?

-Look.
-Is that Michael Berryman?

-It's Michael Berryman.
-Are you doing all the former

guests on our shows?

-I don't know,
they're just popping in my head.

-Alright. What is it?
Oh, I think I know.

I think that's
my Biedermeier shoes

from 18th century Germany
when we did "Nosferatu."

-Um, no. Actually --
-We created the Biedermeier

era costume.
-It's your pimp shoes.

-They're not pimp shoes.
-It's your pimp shoes.

-They were Biedermeier shoes.
-You're beautiful pimp shoes.

And look.
Aww, remember this day?

-What is that?
-Aww.

When you got ripped apart
by zombies.

-Oh, my God.
-It's so sweet.

-You kind of sick, Darcy.
[Laughter]

They're just coming to me.
-Alright.

"Children of the Corn"
was directed by Fritz Kiersch.

He was primarily
a cinematographer

when he got the job,

and this was his first movie
as a director.

And he really knew nothing
about Stephen King.

In fact,
he said he was surprised that

so many people came up to him

and they were already familiar
with the story

because they were
Stephen King fans.

He had grown up in Ithaca,
New York.

His father was a geology
professor at Cornell University,

and his mother was
a cartoonist for The New Yorker

and other magazines, and
he never formally studied film.

He had a degree in economics
from Ohio Wesleyan University.

But when he got to New York

to start looking for
a Wall Street job,

instead he met Andrew Sarris.

Andrew Sarris was the film
critic for The Village Voice

and a film professor
at Columbia University.

And he was the guy who invented,
for better or worse,

the auteur theory,

the idea that the author
of any movie is the director.

Screenwriters hate
Andrew Sarris,

and he's been dead for 12 years
and they still hate him.

It took decades
to overcome this idea,

and some critics still stand
by this today

that movies are made
by directors.

Movies are made
by collaborators,

about a dozen of them
on most movies,

the five most important being
producer, director,

writer, editor,
production designer.

In my opinion, I would say
those five are make the movie,

but that's a discussion
for another time.

At any rate,
Andrew Sarris inspired

Fritz Kiersch to get involved

with film,
and he headed out to L.A.

where he audited classes in film
at both USC and UCLA.

Now, auditing is when you're
not enrolled in that school,

but you're allowed
to just sit in the class

and soak up whatever
they're teaching.

And then he just networked
around L.A.,

and he volunteered for
every movie job he was offered.

And he -- he always claimed to
know how to do the work,

even when he knew nothing
about it.

And he eventually
ended up working as an assistant

to Caleb Deschanel.

He's the great cinematographer
who did, um,

"National Treasure,"
"Being There,"

"Jack Reacher,"
"Passion of the Christ,"

"The Black Stallion,"
and Kiersch

ended up shooting commercials
on his own

from -- from what he'd learned
from Deschanel.

And then along came this offer
to direct

"Children of the Corn,"
and the man

with no film credentials at all
was suddenly a director.

This was his first film.

Alright, back to the movie.

You know, they have
all these guilds in L.A.,

the Writers Guild, Actors Guild,
the Directors Guild,

the Cinematographers Guild,
and the Director's Guild

has the most interesting
requirement for membership.

In order to become a member
of the Director's Guild,

you must direct
a theatrical feature.

That's it.
No other requirement.

I love that.
In any other country

you would need
a diploma of some sort.

In any other country,
Fritz Kiersch's self-education

would be impossible.
[Cheering]

[Groans]
-[Chuckles]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Say it?
-Seek.

Sky! Sky! Yes!
-What?!

Yeah! That's right.
[Laughs]

-Seek!
-Bar!

Sky bar! I got it!
-Sky bar, oh.

I win! I win!

-[Groans] Oh, my God.

Darcy, make him stop.

-You're the one
who summoned him.

[Laughter]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-So, how's it coming, huh?
-Fine.

-What did you draw?
-You.

-You did? Can I see?

What is this?

[Footsteps]

Burt?

♪

Burt, is that you?

♪

♪

♪

Burt, is that you?

Somebody here?

♪

Who are you?

What do you want?

♪

-We want to give you peace.

Seize her.

-Come on! Get her!
[Indistinct chatter]

-Come on.
-[Gasps]

♪

-Come out of there!

-[Screams]

Sarah!

♪

[Man laughs]

-[Grunts]

[Tense music playing]

♪

No!

-[Laughs]
-No!

Burt!

Burt!

No!

Burt!

-Are we safe?

-Yes, it's a little
weird here, but it's safe.

-Are we safe?
-Yeah, it's a little

weird here, but it's safe.
-Vicky.

[Tense music playing]

♪

-Help me!

Where are you taking me?!

Help!

Burt!
-[Sobbing]

-Burt! Help!

♪

-Vicky!

Sarah, what happened here, huh?

What happened? Where's Vicky?

You've gotta think.
Now think.

What happened to her? Please.

-Does He speak to you, Isaac?

-He speaks to me always.

But today he's displeased.

He's displeased with you,
Malachai.

-What have I done?

-Question Him not in vain.

Do you not know you sacrificed
Joseph without an offering?

And did you not spill the blood
of the old man

when his oil and gasoline
were still useful to us?

-We have our own fuel now
from the corn.

-Sow not your pride, Malachai.
We have not enough.

-Maybe He's displeased
that we have not offered Him

Sarah and Job.

-Sarah has the gift of sight.

She warned us of the coming
of the interlopers.

Question not my judgment,
Malachai.

I am the giver of His word.

Go you and bring me the husband.

We must offer them tonight
when Amos leaves.

-Sarah, come on. Tell me
what happened to her, please.

Sarah, look at me! Now think!
-Malachai.

-What?
-Malachai.

-Who's Malachai?
What do you mean?

Huh?

♪

Vicky?

♪

Vicky?

♪

Vicky?

[Indistinct chanting]

♪

[Voices overlapping,
laughter]

[Indistinct chanting]

[Church bell tolling]

♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

[All cheering]

-[Screaming]

-[Children]: Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill!

[Church bell tolling]

-Now the blood of Amos
will be shared.

-Stop it! Stop that!

-Hold the outlander!

-What the hell is going on here?

Are you crazy?
What do you think you're doing?

-My passage. It's my birthday.

-You've got a pretty sick way
of celebrating it, pal.

Listen, I don't --
-Silence, interloper!

Your presence does profane
this holy place.

He will reckon with you.
-That's terrific.

I don't know who He is.

But maybe He'd like to discuss
the medical side

of what's going on here with me.

-It says it should be --
-Amos!

-It says it is written.
-Speak no more to him!

He is an unbeliever.
Hurry, get Isaac!

No! Wait! Bring Malachai.

-[Gasps]

-[Exhales]

What do you mean, "As it's
written?" Written where?

What? In this?

Are you rewriting
the whole thing

or just the parts
that suit your needs?

Back off!
-Sit down!

-What do we have here?

19, 18...
what is this?

These people died so young.
-Not died.

We go to Him the first night
of our 19th year.

-Who the hell is Him?

-He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

-Malachai comes!

-Seize him!

-Get him!
-[Grunts]

Back off!

♪

-Go get him!
-Go get him!

-Come on, hurry up!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

-Get him!
Do not let him escape!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Suspenseful music playing]

-Let's go get him!

-Where is he? Come on!
-He went around the corner.

[Indistinct shouting]

-There he is. Go get him!
You guys! Go that way!

-[Grunts]

♪

-[Screaming]

♪

-I need your help!
Come on!

Come on, help me Help me!

-Outlander! Hey!

He's here!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-Got you this time.

-This isn't a game,
you understand?

Now back off!

Get out of here!

-Outlander!

Go get him!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

-Check the doors!
Check the doors!

You guys go back at the alley.
You, over there.

You two follow me.

-Shit.

♪

♪

[Door creaks]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

♪

[Wood floor creaking]

♪

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

[Tense music playing]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Ow.

Damn it!

[Door creaks, closes]

-[Groans]

-Psst. Hey, mister!

I know a place to hide.
But we gotta hurry.

-Who are you?
-Job. Come on.

Stop asking questions.

Come on!

Will you come on?

[Door closes]

Careful.

Hey, don't be a scaredy-cat.

Come on.
It's only me and Sarah.

-Sarah?
-Yeah, my sister.

Isn't that unique?
My dad built it

when the communists launched
their first strike.

-I don't think
it's the communists

we have to worry about, Job.

-Don't worry.

Nobody knows about this place.

It's secret.

-Those guys friends of yours?
-No way!

They listen to Isaac
and Malachai.

-Who are Isaac and Malachai?

-Isaac started the whole thing.

If he hadn't come,
this would never have happened.

When he was young,
he was a preacher

so everybody believed him.

They thought he had
a great spirit.

I thought he was weird.
Huh, Sarah?

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

-We must sacrifice
them both tonight.

-Amos will satisfy Him.
We need the woman.

She'll bring the man to us.
-No.

He must be taken without her.

We cannot remove her
from this place. It is holy.

-We'll bring the Lord two
by using one.

-Do not blaspheme, Malachai.

You know not the laws.
He speaks them only to me.

-I think not, Isaac.

You are the one who's lost
favor with Him.

He's a God of blood
and sacrifice, not ceremonies.

-Ah, sacrilege!

Down on your knees, heretic!

-Shut your mouth, Isaac!

You've grown prideful
and apart from us.

-Oh, gosh.
-Oh, no.

-He Who Walks Behind the Rows
will decide your fate.

-Don't just sit there,
seize him!

Punish him, cut him down.
I command you!

I am the word and the giver
of His laws.

Disobedience to me
is disobedience to Him.

Do it now or your punishment
shall be a thousand times,

a thousand deaths, each more
horrible than the last.

-They're tired of your talk,
Issac.

I've showed them what I can do.

Cut the woman down.
Put Isaac in her place.

We'll see how the Lord
favors you.

-No! You dare not to blaspheme!

He will punish you.
The God of hell will devour you.

All of you!

No! No! No! No!

-When my dad wouldn't get up

I ran from Hansen
to get Officer Hodgekiss.

But I was too late.

-Why?
What happened to him?

-He got away at that time.

He went to the barn
after he talked to the minister.

-The minister?

What happened to the minister?

-Malachai.

-Outlander!

Outlander!

Get over there.
He's gonna come.

You, over there.

-You come with me
down this street.

-Outlander!

Outlander!

We have your woman.

She still lives.

Outlander,
maybe you don't hear so well.

-[Screams]

-Outlander, her blood will spill
unless you give yourself up!

We won't wait much longer.

The night is coming.
Night is His time.

Outlander! Come on!

Come on! Come on, outlander!

Come on!

Outlander!

[Static]

♪

-So you say Bloody Mary
backwards.

-It's the only way
to get rid of him.

-Backwards like when the devil
talks on a Black Sabbath record?

-Yeah, just like that.

[Laughter]

-Can I just spell
Bloody Mary backwards

and say that five times?
-I'm not sure, actually.

-Maybe go by syllables.
Rima, debla.

-What's that?

-Bloody Mary backwards
syllabically.

Or it could be...

"why-ram-it-ulb."
[Laughter]

-What are you
talking about?

-That would just
be putting the letters

in Bloody Mary backwards.

Oh, maybe I could
just say rab-- rabyks.

R-A-B-Y-K-S.
-Rabyks. What's that?

-Sky bar backwards.
-Oh.

-Rabyks.
Rabyks, rabyks, rabyks.

Rabyks.
[Air whooshes]

-Hey, you guys seen Sky Bar?

He was just here.
He's got my lighter.

-Outstanding.
-Aww.

-Excellent.

Hell, yes. Alright.
Uh, no, John.

He must have wandered
off to the ghost spirit

candy mascot restroom
or something,

but I'll -- I'll let you know
if I see him, alright?

-Alright.
Thanks, man.

-Done.
What did you do, man?

-Wow.

Before we go back to the movie,
I wanted to mention

Courtney Gains,
who plays Malachi.

Courtney Gains is a popular guy

at horror conventions
these days.

But in 1984,
he got savaged by the critics.

And I don't really think
it was deserved,

especially for a guy
acting in his first movie.

Courtney went on to a long
and continuing

career as a character actor,

and his interpretation
of Malachi

is really one of the most
memorable parts of the movie.

In fact,
almost all of the child actors

did very professional jobs,

which is a tribute
partly to the casting agencies

that worked on the picture
in Iowa and in L.A.

Okay, roll the movie.

Do you know how many
"Children of the Corn"

sequels and remakes
there have been?

-12.
-Yeah.

[Laughter]

-You told me yesterday.
It's fine. [Laughs]

-Alright. And you've seen
every damn one of them, right?

-I think I have, actually,

but my favorite
is "666,"

where Isaac returns.

-"Children of the Corn 666,"
the return of Isaac.

-Yes.
-Okay, so that's the one

to watch?
-It's my favorite.

-Alright.

I wonder why Malachi became
more famous than Isaac

because Isaac is the boss man
or the boss boy.

-True.
-More drawings?

-You -- You are scaring me,
Darcy.

-You want to see them?
-What do you got this time?

Okay, that's the,
uh, Spooky Rapper.

-Hey, we're watching Spooky.
-And Spooky.

-Yeah.
-Hey, we're watching Spooky.

-And...
-That is when

I interviewed Elvira...
-Yeah.

-...on the show.
-Classic.

-We showed "Haunted Hills."
What is this one?

-Jon Brennan, when I got married
to Tom Atkins.

He was playing the flute.

-When we showed "The Love Witch"
and...

But how do you even
know about that, Darcy?

I think that was
a hallucination,

that I had, the Tom Atkins --
-Was it though?

-The Tom Atkins wedding.
-Maybe --

-Are you still married to Tom?
-Exactly. Who's to say?

-Oh, well. Yeah.
-[Coughs] Sorry.

-Darcy, you're
going over our whole history.

You know, if there was a Gatlin,
Nebraska today, though,

the GPS would just route
you around it, don't you think?

-Unless He Who Walks
Behind the Rows

could mess with the GPS.

-Because He Who Walks
Behind the Rows is all powerful?

-Because otherwise
there's no movie.

-Oh, yeah, all that too, right?

[Coughs]
I'm choking on Sky Bar detritus.

[Laughter]

-That's your fault.
[Laughter]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

-Are you looking for that lady?

-Yeah, you know where she is?

-They took her out
to the clearing.

-What clearing? Where?
-In the corn field.

-Are you sure?
-Of course I'm sure.

I followed them,
just like I followed you.

-Show me.

-Okay.
-Come on, let's go.

-Okay.

[Whispers] Quiet.

Come on.

Follow me to the barn.

-Careful.

♪

-I'm ready to celebrate
my birthday.

-Malachai!
He will not forgive you!

None of you will be forgiven!

All of you shall feel His wrath!

-We have a surprise
for you, Amos.

-You moron!

Don't you understand
what he's trying to do?

-Isaac is going
to keep you company.

-He Who Walks Behind
the Rows will decide your fate!

I am the word
and the giver of His laws.

This is the end!

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-Come on.

♪

Over here.

You can see everything
from here.

♪

-Okay, you two...

you stay here and wait for me.
Alright?

But if anything happens to me,

you get to Hemingford
as fast as you can.

You get on that road
and don't get off it.

Understand?

-Uh-huh.

Go past the irrigation pump.

[Wind blowing]

[Roaring]

-It's Him.

He's come for me.

He's come for me.

He's come to welcome me.

♪

-Go to him, Amos.

-I'm here, Lord!

[Thunder rumbling]

I'm here, Lord!

I'm ready!

Take me now, Lord!

Your will, Lord!
My passage!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Amos screams,
creature roars]

-I did as you commanded!

I was good!

I swear it!

I did everything You wanted!

[Indistinct whispers]

No! No!

♪

Stop!

[Screaming]

♪

[Indistinct shouting]

-Vicky, come on,
run to the barn!

[Grunting]

-Get him!
-He hit Malachai!

-Seize him.
-Take that.

-Vicky, get out of here!

Was this how it was
with your parents, huh?

Was it?

Just because
some self-proclaimed holy man

said this is what God commands?

So...what kind of a God

tells his children
to kill their parents, huh?

Answer me that, buddy.

Did you hear that before Isaac?

Did you?

I can't believe
you're this blind.

Maybe you've been listening
to these holy rollers so long

it's all started
to sound the same.

-Well, it's not!
-what's he talking about?

-Any religion without love

and compassion is false.

-It's a lie!
[Malachai screams]

-[Grunting]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Grunts]

♪

♪

-He's still down?

-Is this what you want, huh?

Is this what He commands?

[Knife thuds,
children gasp]

I don't think so.

-Get him!

Stop him!

Kill him!

-[Demonic] Malachai!

[Kid gasps]

-Oh, my God! Isaac!

-He wants you too, Malachai.

♪

He wants you, too.

♪

[Growling]

♪

[Neck snaps]

[Thunder rumbling]

[Indistinct shouting]

-Vicky?
-Burt? Over here!

Burt!

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

[Wind howling, door bangs]

Get down. Get down.

Jobie, get some help
and get those doors closed.

Quick.

-Peter, Robert, come on!

-What do we do?
-I don't know.

If I knew what it was,
I could tell you.

-It's He Who Walks
Behind the Rows.

-What if we tried to run for it
and make it to the road?

-I think we're safer here,
for now.

[Window crashes]

Jobie, has anybody ever tried
to hurt the monster?

Any of the adults, your parents
before they were killed?

-The Blue Man!

-Who is the Blue Man?
What -- What did he do?

-Officer Hodgekiss.
I told you.

He came down here
after he talked to the minister.

He was reading a page
torn out of the Bible

and it was working with distil.

-Wait, wait, wait.
[Wood crashes]

[Children screams]

What was he reading
at the Bible?

What was it? Do you know?

You have it?

Hurry up.
Where is it?

-It's all Malachai's fault.

-"And the devil
that deceived them

was cast into the lake
of fire and brimstone.

Where the beast
and the false prophet are,

and shall be tormented

day and night,
for ever and ever."

What's that supposed to mean?

[Crashes]

[Children screaming,
wind howling]

Job, what was the Blue Man
doing at the distil?

-He hooked the hose and
he was trying to roll it out.

-But what stopped him?

-Malachai.
-Malachai.

-Lake of fire. Fire!

He was gonna burn the field.

-Oh, yes. The gasohol. Distil.

-How?
-Never mind, never mind.

You kids, give me as many hoses
as you can find. Quick!

Job and Sarah,
find me a bottle.

A glass bottle.
A pop bottle, alright?

Quick! Move!

Vicky, come here!

-Over here!

-I can't find anything.

[Child screaming]

-It doesn't fit.

There's gotta be a connector
around here somewhere.

-Try this!

[Items clattering]

♪

-Okay.

♪

Get somebody
to hold this on tight.

-Okay.
-Hang on to it.

You got one.
Good!

Alright, Vicky, see if you
can find me a thick rag.

-Jobie, come here.

-Hey, that's not a rag!

♪

-Okay.

Now, get them
to hold on to that tight.

Open it up when I get there,
alright?

Alright.

Burt, be careful.

-I love you, Vicky.

-We should never have done this.

-Okay.

[Wind howling]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Grunts]

[Indistinct whisper]

♪

Ow!

[Indistinct whisper continues]

[Wind blowing]

♪

♪

♪

What are you doing here?

Get back to the barn.
Hurry up!

Go on! Move! Now!

♪

-Excuse me!

♪

♪

♪

-Jobie, get that valve!

Quick!

♪

Jobie, do you know
how to run this thing?!

-Crank it!
-What?!

Crank it.

[Tense music playing]

♪

Push the button at the top!

Yeah!

♪

[Motor pump whirring]

Alright!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

Get the bottle!
-Okay!

♪

♪

Come here.
Block the wind.

[Clanking]

♪

[Wind roaring]

[Grunts]

♪

Jobie!

Jobie, come back here!

♪

♪

Jobie, stop!

♪

Run, come on, run!

Jobie!

-Here's the bottle!
Throw it!

Throw right this time!

Throw it! Throw it!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Explosion]

♪

-Burt!

♪

-Jobie!

-Burt!

-Jobie!

-Vicky!
-Sarah!

-Vicky!

-Jobie! Jobie!

♪

-Look! Look!

[Explosions]

♪

♪

-Come on! Come on! Let's go!

[Wind howling]

[Demon screaming]

-Is he dead?
-I think so.

-Then why are we still running?
-Just keep going!

-Where did you get this guy?

♪

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs] Well,
Hemingford's 19 miles, right?

-We walk?

-Sure.

-Burt, are you sure
you're strong enough?

-[Sighs] I'm okay.

What about you? Are you okay?

-Yeah. I'll make it.
-Yeah?

-I got a great doctor.

-I don't believe it.

[Laughter]

Jealous?

-So what are we gonna doh
these two little munchkins, huh?

-Oh, I don't know.

You guys wanna come live with us
for a couple of days?

Hmm?
-How about a week?

[Laughter]

-Okay.
-How about a month?

-No.
[Laughter]

Alright. Alright.

I'll grab the map.
-Ever been to Seattle?

-What's Seattle?

[Tense music playing]

♪

-Interloper! No!
-Oh! God!

♪

-You must die!

[Grunts]

-Oh, boy!

♪

Oh, she's out cold.

What are we gonna do now?

-Send her a get well card
from Seattle.

Let's get the hell out of here.

[Grunts]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

-Alright, Darcy,
let's see what you got.

-Ernie.
-Yeah, but Ernie as Tetsuo.

-Ernie as Tetsuo.
-Ernesto.

-Alright.

"Prom Night II:
Hello, Mary Lou, "but it's you.

-It's amazing.
-[Laughs]

-Oh, yeah.
-What is that?

-Um, when you exploded?
[Laughter]

-When did I explode?

-Maybe it's a prophecy.

-Yeah.

I can't believe there's only
one movie left

in the Nightmareathon, though.
Are you tuckered?

-I'm good...ish.
-I think "Children of the Corn"

holds up pretty well
after all these years.

Do you?
-Definitely.

It's still really scary.

Demonic children are
just really scary.

-Yeah.

As Mirtha said in
"When Evil Lurks,"

"Evil likes children
and children like evil."

But I also think it summoned
up a lot of fears

that were borrowed from
other movies.

Like, don't go into
the countryside.

That's where all the deranged
stuff happens out there,

outside the city limits.

You know, that started with
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

And don't trust religion
to help anybody, you know?

That harkens back
to "Rosemary's Baby,"

uh, "The Exorcist,"
and of course,

all evil -- evil children
stories go back to the bad seed.

So, alright,
before we wrap this baby up

with our second
Roger Corman movie,

"Galaxy of Terror,"
let's go back to the mailbag.

What you got for me?

-There you go.

This one is from Thomas Henning
of Everett, Washington.

-All right, "Dear Joe Bob,

I need some film noir recs
from you.

I remember a few years back

you put out a
limited edition art print

that featured some
of your favorite noir titles."

I can't say noir.
-Noir.

-Um, "I wasn't fortunate
enough to pick one of those up,

so could you enlighten me
with some of your favorites?

It's a genre
I really want to dive into,

but I'm unsure where to start.
Thanks a bunch.

Thomas Henning,
Everett, Washington"

Yes, indeed.

Alamo Drafthouse released
a series of lithographs

that were composed of
old movie ads,

and each lithograph
was curated by somebody devoted

to that genre of film.

So I chose film noir,

even though I can't
really pronounce it.

And I wish I had one here so
I could show you how cool it is.

But I have maybe 25
of my favorite film noir

on that lithograph.

But just to list a few --

"The Hustler," Jackie Gleason,
George C. Scott, Paul Newman.

"The Maltese Falcon,"
Humphrey Bogart.

"Double Indemnity,"
Fred MacMurray,

Barbara Stanwyck from
the James M. Cain novel.

"Touch of Evil," of course,
which many regard

as Orson Welles greatest work.
"Body Heat," of course.

They don't really
make them anymore,

these film noirs.
I don't know why.

I mean, they're dark,
they're creepy, and I think it

would be considered horror
adjacent as a -- as a genre.

Okay, the sun is way up.

We're going to chug
through our final movie,

and I really appreciate it

if you spent all this time
with us.

Keep going to be a certified
"Last Drive-in" iron man.

-Yeah.
-And we're coming to you

from a Saturday morning
in Coweta County, Georgia,

where it's hotter than
a goat's ass in a pepper patch.

And I'm reminding you that
the drive-in will never die.

♪

A guy is shaving
with a straight-edged razor.

-Okay.
-Razor drops out

of his hand, lops off his dick.

So he gathers up his dick
and he stuffs it in his pocket,

and he rushes outside
and he hails a cab.

He tells the driver
get me to the emergency room,

and at the emergency room,

he tells the surgeon
what happened.

And the surgeon says,
"We have to work quickly.

Give it to me."

So the man reaches
into his pocket,

deposits its contents
into the surgeon's hand,

and the surgeon says, "But this
is not a dick, this is a cigar.

And the man says, "Oh, my God, I
must have smoked it in the cab."

-What?

[Laughter]

[Laughter continues]

-One, two, three, four!

♪ Felissa
-Ah!

♪ Felissa and Rhonda ♪

♪ We're staying up
all night with Rhonda ♪

♪ Felissa, Rhonda ♪

♪ We're staying up all night,
yeah ♪

[Static, thunder rumbles]

♪ We're staying up all night
with Felissa ♪

[Static]