All language subtitles for L.A.Law.S04E04.The.Mouse.That.Soared.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

Man 1: Get over there!
Man 2: Get...

[indistinct chatter]

Two.

Harold: I appreciate your coming
down here on such short notice.

I got it. But I figured,
if you're going to jump in

and represent us, you might as
well see it for yourself.

- Will you look at this place.
- You haven't seen anything yet.

Oh, good, they're just starting.
This way, gentlemen.

This is what we want to stop.

[cheering]

Man 3: Who's next?
Come on, let's hear it.

Alright, we got a taker.
We got a taker.

Let's help him out here.

Alright.
One, two, three.

Alright. Alright.

Let's hear it
for the little guy.

Oh, can he fly or what?

I'll tell you, folks, pound for
pound, we got the best athletes

in the world right here.

Did you see that little guy
hop right up?

Come on, folks,
let's help him up.

One, two, three.

You see? You've got to help us
shut this down.

Mr. Stevens, we couldn't
possibly be prepared

to start a trial tomorrow.

Let's go back here.
Excuse us.

Man 3: These guys are all
on the line! There you are!

We need you. They brought in
this hired-gun

dwarf lawyer at the last minute.

Mr. Sifuentes is the only lawyer
in town who knows him.

- Hamilton Schuyler?
- Yeah.

They flew him up from Texas.
They call him...

- "Mighty Mouse."
- "Mighty Mouse."

- He's defending this place?
- Yeah.

I guess they figure
it's a pretty good strategy

to have a dwarf on their side.

We're told you went up against
him and beat him.

Yeah. Well, we actually settled.

Look, we know how good he is.
It's very simple.

It's a straight nuisance action.

We're claiming he's disrupting

the quiet enjoyment
of our property.

But this is all so last minute,
Mr. Stevens.

We'll pay you any retainer
you require.

- Money is not a problem.
- What's that?

Oh, you gotta look at this.

This is their latest gimmick.

You're not going to
believe this.

Man 3: One falling, two...

- Man 3: One falling...
- Three!

- What the hell was that?
- That was a spare.

[laughs]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

People versus Earl Williams.

Michael, I understand an appeal
has been filed.

- That's right.
- On what grounds, Michael?

Reliability of DNA testing,
unfair surprise

by the District Attorney,

abuse of discretion in failure
to call a mistrial.

You name it.
This one begs to be overturned.

Well, since Mr. Williams'
outstanding bill now exceeds

a hundred and thirty
thousand dollars,

might I suggest that we postpone
our appeal efforts

until some of it
has been collected?

- You may not.
- We're throwing money away.

- The cost of an appeal--
- Move on, Douglas.

Douglas, why don't you move on?

Fine.

Stevens et. al.
versus Riley's Pub.

Mine.

"Mighty Mouse" flies again.

So this is really true.

A bunch of drunks flipping
munchkins?

Jonathan: Oh, yeah.
It's big business.

It started in Australia.
Then it spread to England.

And now it's in Florida and--
and California. And they expect

to have it in over a thousand
bars nationwide.

This is sick. What's next,
crosswalk races for the blind?

Have you spoken to
"Mighty Mouse"?

This morning.
He won't settle. What's new?

So we start the trial today.

By the way, guys,
uh, since I'm taking this on,

I really would appreciate it

if somebody would take on this
"bad date" trial.

- Forget it, Victor.
- Oh no, you don't.

I'm doing back-to-back
trials here.

Come on, let's show a little
support.

You've been trying to unload
that dog for a month.

[laughter]

- Mike, what do you say?
- Don't look at me.

I'll do it.

No, I-- I-- I'm serious.

I-- I'd love to do it.

You're not a litigator, Stuart.

Yeah, well. I don't want to
spend my whole life as a lawyer

without doing
at least one trial.

And this is a pretty simple
case, right?

It's a crazy woman suing a
dating service over bad dates.

Even I could defend that.
I mean,

what could I possibly screw up?

I think the client would be more
likely to expect

one of our regular litigators
on this.

Stuart: With all due respect,
Leland, your regular litigators

are scoffing at it, I think the
client would like to see

the case in the hands of a
lawyer who took it seriously.

Please?

Excuse me, Leland.

- I think he can do it.
- Me, too.

Michael: It's your case, Stuart.

Alright!

- I got myself a trial.
Michael: Hi, Elizabeth.

I-- I-- I'm going to have to
borrow a secretary.

Mine doesn't know anything
about litigation.

Excuse me, Michael.
Uh, there's a guy here

who needs to see you, he says
he's got information

on the Nina Corry murder.

And he says
it's really important.

[indistinct chatter]

Michael: Alright, so what is
this information?

My cousin lives in Nina Corry's
building.

Who's your cousin?

Howie Neumann.

I already talked to him.
He was away

on vacation at the time
of the killing.

Yeah, I know he was away on
vacation, sport.

I was staying in his apartment.

Michael: And?

And I was there
when the chick got it.

[door closes]

I'm listening.

I saw who did it.

Right after the screaming
stopped I looked out the window

and I saw this black dude
running out of the building.

How do you know
it wasn't Earl Williams?

'Cause I know the dude,
that's how.

He's a whacked out pipe-head
named Pinto.

They call him that on account
of, he's got these

white patches
all over his skin.

Well, why the hell didn't you
come forward with this before?

Because I sell rock cocaine
for a living, that's why.

I sell it, I smoke it.

And I don't want anything
to do with cops.

Not cops, not district
attorneys, not nothin'.

So what are you doing here now?

[sighs] I got busted again.

This time, I want a lawyer
like you. I figure, uh,

maybe the two of us can work
something out.

- You're lying.
- Hey...!

I ain't lyin', man.

I saw what I saw
and I can clear your guy.

You just gotta help me out.

Well, I'm not making any deals
with you until

I'm satisfied
you're telling me the truth.

How you going to get satisfied?

Lie detector test.

I'll set it up, you pass it.

And I mean pass it
with flying colors...

you've got yourself a lawyer.

Alright.

I'm going to pass it, Mr. Kuzak,

'cause I saw what I saw.

- What do you mean I'm traded?
- It's just temporary, Rox.

My case load is light
and Stuart needs

a secretary with some
litigation experience.

So you put me on waivers.
What'd you get for me, Arnie?

Don't take it personally.
I'd never give you up.

You know that.
It's a couple of weeks at most.

I-- I don't want to
work for him.

- I thought you liked Stuart.
- I do.

It's just that sometimes he can
be kind of a noodge.

A noodge?

[chuckles softly] Yeah.
He's so particular.

You know, everything's
got to be just so.

I'm afraid he's going to
drive me nuts.

Don't be silly. He's going to be
a lot easier on you than I am.

[knocking on door] Hi. Roxanne,

I'm thrilled you're going to be
helping me out on this.

You have no idea what a secure
feeling it gives me.

Thank you.

So, uh, when you have
a minute I'd like you to

go through all the pleadings,
and I want to color code them

with these index tabs
so I can, you know,

distinguish them easily
during trial.

Uh, we'll use, uh, blue for
pretrial proceedings,

except for discovery
which we'll use yellow.

And then for legal memoranda,
orange, and for rulings

on motions in limine, green.

Except for adverse rulings.

We use half green, half red.
You can cut them in half

and scotch tape them together,
I'll show you how to do it.

[sighs] And then we'll sit down
and alphabetize our witnesses.

I've got this idea how to use
graphics in our exhibits.

I'll show you.
[chuckles] It's great.

Thanks again, Arnie.

[indistinct chatter]

- Black, right?
- Right. Same as always.

So tell me, what's going on?

[sighs] Well...

about two months ago,
Amy found out she was pregnant.

My God! How old is she now?

- She's seventeen.
- Seventeen?!

Just yesterday she was ten.

Well, it has been awhile.

Anyway, she thought about it.
We talked about it.

We talked about it some more.

And she decided she was going to
have an abortion.

So the morning we went down,
there was a Save The Babies

demonstration at the clinic, and
they're holding up photographs

and they're yelling,
"Don't kill your baby.

Don't kill your baby."

Oh boy.

I could feel Amy starting
to shake.

Then when we got inside, she
just broke down and sobbed.

When we left,
they're still outside.

Only this time they were worse.
They're screaming

right in her face,
"Murderer. Murderer.

Baby killer. Butcher."

Oh, Connie.

[sighs] Since that day, I just
sit and hold her every night.

She sees those bastards
screaming at her

every time she shuts her eyes.

[Connie sighs]

Is there anything I can do?

I want to sue them.

Sue them?

Emotional distress,
mental anguish.

Anything you can think of.

I'm not in this
for the money, Ann.

I just want to take them on.

You haven't changed a bit.

I don't know. I mean...

Maybe this is the wrong time
to be asking you this.

Will you represent me?

Yes.

Yes, I will.

Okay, we're ready for opening
statements. Mr. Sifuentes.

Uh, Your Honor.
I'd like a sidebar.

Objection.

You're objecting to his request
for a sidebar?

Yes, Your Honor.
It is Mr. Schuyler's practice

to call these sidebars so that
he can approach the bench

and stand tiptoe
on his trial bag

in order to evoke laughter
and sympathy from the jury.

He then seeks to shame the jury
for their laughter

and manipulate their sympathies
to his advantage.

That's why I object.

What I object to is his
blatant assumption

that I'm an object of sympathy.

- Mr. Schuyler.
Victor: I didn't say that.

That's exactly
what's at stake here.

The attitude that small people
are to be pitied.

Mr. Schuyler.

You need not feel sorry for me,
ladies and gentlemen.

You need not feel sorry for any
dwarf that chooses to be tossed.

Here he goes,
making speeches already.

And here you go,
attacking me already.

Alright, both of you,
stop right now.

I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Can we please note

his abuse for the record?

No, I will not.
Both of you in my chambers now.

[door opens]
What the hell is this?

He has a tendency to making
himself an issue, Your Honor.

And I have to neutralize that.

Again I'm under attack.
First in court, now in chambers.

This man is a dwarf bigot,
judge.

Nelson: Hey. Now I know you two
have a history together.

But I'll expect you to conduct
yourselves responsibly

and professionally
while you're in my courtroom.

Without the antics.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir.

Yes, Your Honor.

Good.

Let's go.

[scoffs] Some people
never change.

It was a mistake to object
to the sidebar, Victor.

Picking on a person
as little as me.

You know, when you exploit your
size like that, you're no better

than those dwarfs
getting tossed in the bar.

Except in the courtroom,
I get to do the tossing.

I'm going to beat you this time.

- Loser buys dinner.
- That's a bet.

- You're dead meat.
- [chuckles] Dream on, tall boy.

We're you present at 2358
Lynnbrook in the City

of Los Angeles
on November 8, 1988?

Phillip: Yes.

Man 4: Did you observe an
individual known to you as Pinto

run out of the Lynnbrook
apartment house on November 8?

Yes.

Is your name
Phillip Michael Holden?

Yes.

Man 4: Is your mother's name
Francine?

Phillip: Yes.

Man 4: Had you heard a young
woman screaming immediately

prior to seeing this individual
flee the scene?

Yes.

Man 4: Were you born in Fresno,
California?

- Yes.
- Is your father's name Carl?

No.

Man 4: Are you under
the influence of

any narcotic substance?

Phillip: No.

Have you ever lied to your
attorney?

Yes.

Man 4: Thank you, Mr. Holden.
We're finished.

[sighs]

Would you mind waiting outside?

Not at all.

[door opens]

What have we got?

I'd say you've got a guy
who's telling the truth.

Harold: And they have
these contests to see

who can throw them the farthest.

It's terrible.
I own a respectable restaurant.

I try to cultivate a certain
clientele, and you can look

across the street and see them
shot-putting midgets.

So you and the other merchants
in the neighborhood

decided to bring this
nuisance action?

Well, we had to.
The influx of the crowds

was causing noise pollution,
the streets were congested.

Caused vandalism. We all
suffered property damage

the weekend of the championship.

This is our town, and to have it
associated with an event

as depraved as this
makes us all look bad.

What they're doing is cruel,
it's devoid of

all human decency, and it
demeans our entire community.

Thank you very much, sir.
I have nothing further.

Why is it you find dwarf tossing
so depraved, Mr. Stevens?

When a person's physicality
is exploited for amusement

and profit,
I find that depraved.

I see. Well, could you tell us
about the wet t-shirt contests

sponsored by Silver Street
Tavern last year?

That's a little different.

Hamilton: Are you telling the
court that as this bar right

next to your restaurant,
had big-breasted women

strutting around in soaking,
clinging undershirts,

they weren't exploiting
physicality

for amusement and profit?

It's still different.

They were not
ridiculing the girls.

Oh no. They were exalting
them with honor.

If anything,
they were exploiting

their physical attractiveness.

What they do is exploit
an abnormality and that's wrong.

What about the circus,
Mr. Stevens?

They employ dwarfs for amusement
and profit.

Are you going after
the Ringling Brothers next?

The circus is different, too.
They don't mistreat the dwarfs.

Oh, so it is okay to exploit
them for profit

as long as you don't
mistreat them?

Your Honor, he's badgering.

Tell me, Mr. Stevens,
who should be the arbiter

of whether a dwarf
is being mistreated.

You or the dwarf?

A human being is picked up
and thrown!

That is mistreatment
pure and simple.

Going back to the circus,
clowns get shot out of canons.

Is that depravity to you?

Stevens: It's still not
the same.

But I'm sure if they shot dwarfs
out of canons,

you'd come running to the
rescue, wouldn't you?

How lucky we are to have you.

- That's enough, Mr. Schuyler.
- Uh-oh.

The judge has just reprimanded
a dwarf lawyer.

Go get him, Mr. Stevens.

Victor: Objection.
Nelson: Sustained.

I have nothing further.

Except of course to say,
thank you, thank you, thank you.

Nelson: Mr. Schuyler,
that's enough.

- You buzzed, Stuart?
- Yeah, Rox.

I need you to send a letter
to opposing counsel.

- Another one?
- Mm-hm.

I need to confirm his witnesses.

He said he'd notify the court
and I've seen

no such notification.

Okay.

And I need you to mark up this
motion in limine.

- Okay.
- Mm-hm.

They want to introduce her
dating video as evidence.

- Stuart: It's totally irrelevant.
- I'll file it this afternoon.

Stuart: Good. Oh, and, uh,

did you mark out
the motion for sanctions?

- This morning.
- Good.

File this with that as a new
combined motion.

That way, I only have to make
one court appearance.

- Good.
Stuart: Oh, and... [chuckles]

Rox. You've got a...

you got a favorable court ruling
here with a blue tab on it.

You know, the blue tabs are...
We'll do that later.

Great.

Stuart: Okay. Okay. Okay.

What's next?

[humming]

We've got a real problem,
Leland.

What?

Ann's taken on a case
that puts us four-square

on the pro-choice side
of the abortion mess.

And?

And we have clients who will run
from us like the plague.

Oh, I don't know that that's
true, Douglas.

Tell me. What's the upside of
taking the chance?

Well, the upside,
Douglas, is that

Ann Kelsey is a partner here.

I'm sure that this is something
she feels rather strongly about.

No doubt. No doubt she'll attend
to it with her customary zeal.

And mark my words, when the dust
settles, we'll all be picking

the shrapnel out of our
bank accounts.

Who exactly are the clients
you're concerned about?

I'm concerned about Polestar.

I'm concerned about McCarran.

I'm concerned about all of them.

Well, let me sound a few of them
out on the subject.

Leland, you'll spook them just
by bringing it up.

Douglas, when I need guidance
from you on how to communicate

with a client, I'll ask for it.

Let me know what you find out.

Man 5: I don't care
if it's legal or illegal.

Now what I'm saying is that
throwing a dwarf

is medically life threatening.

Is it more dangerous than
tossing normal-size person?

Oh, very much
so. Acondoplastic dwarfs

have extremely fragile spines.

There's an abnormal bone
structure and the spinal cord

itself is very inflexible.

A trauma to this area could
cause sudden paralysis

or permanent neurological
damage.

Is it your opinion then, doctor,
that this practice is unsafe?

In my opinion, this practice
borders on criminal negligence.

Objection.
That's a legal conclusion.

- This man is not a lawyer.
- Sustained.

The last remark is stricken.

Thank you, doctor.

I have nothing further.

Doctor, you say
you're opposed to

dwarf tossing on a safety level?

Yes, that's correct.

Have you ever known a dwarf to
suffer this sudden paralysis

or neurological damage
as a result of being tossed?

Well, it's only a matter of
time before--

- Yes or no, doctor?
- No.

I haven't see it happen yet.

And on a safety level,
which would you say is more

life threatening,
dwarf tossing or sky diving?

[chuckles lightly] Well,
obviously sky diving.

And in fact, when we talk about
football, skiing, ice hockey,

boxing, car racing,

all these sports pose a much
greater threat of injury

than do dwarf tossing,
don't they?

Statistically speaking,
that's true.

Then how is it you advocate the
banning of dwarf tossing

when you advocate no such ban
on these far more

dangerous activities?

Well...

These other sports you mentioned
all have some

redeeming athletic value.

The only point to dwarf tossing
is cruelty,

and increased liquor
consumption.

But that is not a safety
argument, is it?

That is a matter of policy.

Well, maybe it is.
But when you consider--

But, Doctor, you expressly
stated you were opposed to

all this on a level of safety.

Now, were you confused,
or were you just lying?

I do oppose it
on a safety level.

Then how come
you don't oppose football?

[sighs] Well, football
is a legitimate sport.

Thank you, doctor, for that
expert medical conclusion.

Nothing further.

[crickets chirping]

Tomorrow we go to court
and move for a new trial.

Then it's up to the judge.

- Right?
- Right.

She'll have an evidentiary
hearing, Holden will testify,

and then she'll rule.

What do you think she'll do?

I don't know.

The jury would never have
convicted Earl

if they had heard this man,
right?

- Well, it's hard to say.
- But, what do you think?

Well, I think it would have made
a difference.

But, Jackie, that in itself
may not be enough

for her to give us a new trial.

I think she will.

I'm not going to say anything to
the kids, but I think she will.

Just when you're sure that
there's no way, a way is shown.

Let's hope this is the way out.

I appreciate what you're doing.

Well, I'm just doing
what a lawyer does.

Yeah well,
a lawyer sends a bill.

We'll work that out, Jackie.

Anyway, thanks.

[instrumental music]

What did you do when you heard

all of this screaming,
Mr. Holden?

I'm ashamed to say
I didn't do anything.

It wasn't until after it stopped
and I heard someone

running away that I went to
the window.

Michael: And what exactly
did you see

when you looked out
of the window?

I saw this guy running.
Running fast.

Is that the man you saw?

- No.
Michael: You're sure?

Yeah, I know the guy
I saw running.

He hung out in MacArthur Park.
He was black, right.

But he had these white patches
all over his arms and neck.

Everyone called him Pinto.

I have no further questions,
Your Honor.

But at this time I would like to
submit an affidavit,

signed by Detective Edward
Fowler of the Los Angeles

Police Department, confirming
that there is in fact

a man whose street name
is Pinto, whose real name is

Ronald Sewell,
and who has a skin condition

known as impetigo,
which is exactly what we have

heard described here.

Marked submitted.

- Ms. Flanagan?
Michael: Your Honor?

I would also like to submit
the results

of a polygraph test
taken by Mr. Holden.

I'm not stipulating to any
polygraph tests, Your Honor.

That's that, then.
It's inadmissible.

Well, in the alternative,
Mr. Holden would be willing to

submit to another polygraph
supervised by the prosecution.

The prosecution's not interested
in polygraph's, Your Honor.

Roberta: Both sides have to
agree, Mr. Kuzak.

Ms. Flanagan, you can proceed.

Have you ever used rock cocaine?

- Margaret: Mr. Holden?
- Objection!

Credibility of the witness
is an issue,

making this line of questioning
totally relevant.

- The objection is overruled.
Margaret: I'll ask you again.

Margaret: Have you ever used
rock cocaine, Mr. Holden?

Yes, I have.

Had you been smoking it on the
day that you saw "Pinto"

running across the parking lot?

- Your Honor.
- Mr. Kuzak, sit down!

Margaret: Had you been smoking
it on that day?

Phillip: No, I don't believe
I was.

Does that mean you're not sure?

I'm sure of what I saw.

You ever sell crack, sir?

I think I might just take
the fifth on that one.

But the fact is,
you were recently

arrested for selling it,
weren't you?

Hey, innocent until
proven guilty, right?

This time! You've been proven
guilty twice in the past.

Yeah, alright, I've been proven
guilty twice in the past.

You offered your services
as a confidential

informant to the police.

Objection! Relevance.

That has nothing to do
with this case.

[sighs] It goes directly to the
reliability of the witness.

Objection overruled.

You were the informant used
to get an arrest warrant

on Ronnie James, were you not?

Yeah, that was me.

And that case was
thrown out of court because

you proved to be
totally unreliable.

- Margaret: Isn't that right?
- I don't know.

I didn't really follow it,
to tell you the truth.

Documentation will be made
available to the court.

Tell us, what is Mr. Kuzak
offering you in exchange

for this testimony?

Nothing.

Is that what Mr. Kuzak
will tell me

when I put him on the stand?

- Objection!
Roberta: Overruled.

What is Mr. Kuzak giving you
for this testimony?

He agreed to be my lawyer
on the bust.

So you lied just now when you
said "nothing," didn't you?

He isn't giving me anything.
He's just going to be my lawyer.

Well, Your Honor,
this is pure sham.

He's a liar and Mr. Kuzak's
enticed him to come forward.

Well, I object to that. This man
came forward on his own!

Oh, out of the goodness of his
heart, I know.

He has material information,
Your Honor.

Material lies.
He's a burned-out

junkie looking to cut a deal.

- Objection.
Phillip: Hey!

Phillip: I may be a lowlife,
but I know what I saw.

Pinto was on the pipe.
He killed the girl.

That guy there had nothing
to do with it.

[pensive music]

I'll take this matter under
advisement. We're adjourned.

Mr. Creland, approximately
how many times

would you say
you've been tossed?

Probably well into
the thousands.

Have you ever suffered injury
as a result of this activity?

No. Never.

I guess the question on most
people's minds is,

why did you consent to all this?

Five hundred dollars a night.
As a plumber's assistant,

I was lucky if I made
sixty dollars a day.

Don't you find it all
rather demeaning?

"Demeaning" is not being able to
pay my rent.

Or buy braces
for my son's teeth.

This job gives me
financial security.

It allows me to provide
for my family.

I don't want to throw all this
away just because some

tall people feel sorry for me.

Well, these tall people,
they're just trying to help.

Well, let them help
the homeless.

- Or somebody that needs help.
- Nothing further.

Mr. Creland, what are the
patrons in the bar

doing as you're getting
tossed, sir?

- They're having a good time.
- Mm-hm.

- They laughing?
Adam: Yeah.

- Laughing at you?
- I don't know.

But I don't really care.

Well, Mr. Creland, could you
make room for the possibility

that these people laugh at you

because they consider
you a freak?

It's possible. But like I said,
I really don't care.

Victor: Yes. You've mentioned
your son, sir. How old is he?

Adam: He's eight years old.

Do you ever take him to work
to show him

how daddy makes a living?

Objection. This line of
questioning--

He says he's not ashamed
of what he does.

And I'm just crossing him
on that.

The objection is overruled.
The witness may answer.

I can't take an eight-year-old
boy into a bar.

Well, does he even know what you
do for a living, sir?

- No, he doesn't know.
- Well, why not?

Most fathers tell their kids all
about their jobs.

- Objection. This is abusive.
- What is abusive?

I'm just talking about his
great job.

The objection is overruled.

Why haven't you told your son

what you do for a living,
Mr. Creland?

Wouldn't he be proud to see his
father getting tossed around?

Getting laughed at. Or could it
be that he might be ashamed?

- Why don't you shut up?!
- Which is worse, Mr. Creland?

If he were ashamed, or if he

wanted to grow up to be
just like you?

- I said shut up!
- Mr. Creland, that'll do.

- And you too, Mr. Sifuentes.
- I have nothing further.

Let the jury take note of the
witness' sense of dignity.

- Stuart: Objection!
- Withdrawn.

[indistinct chatter]

Hi, Rox.

- Hi.
- What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just savoring my
seven-and-a-half minute break

before I start to rebind
the deposition transcripts.

You're gonna rebind transcripts?

Of course. How could anyone
possibly go into court

with deposition pages
that don't turn crisply?

It's almost as bad as
mis-colored pleadings.

Stuart's trial.

I have filed seven motions
and sent twelve letters

to opposing counsel
in the last three days.

Well, being meticulous is one of
the reasons he's a good lawyer.

I know.

[chuckles] What's with the
secret meeting?

Beats me. They all filed in
there about ten minutes ago.

- Something's up.
- Mm.

I am not proud of this.
Anyone who knows me knows that

I have never bowed to
political pressure.

Then why do it now?

Because this is different.
Abortion is different.

Ann, I know of two major clients
who view our taking on this case

as fundamentally altering
the nature of this firm.

And both have made it very clear
they'll leave.

Which, given our current
financial woes,

we can ill afford.

If we represented
the right-to lifers,

then pro-choice clients
would leave.

Which is exactly why we stay out
of it altogether.

Michael can represent
murderers and rapists

with the full support
of the firm,

I want to represent a dear
friend and I'm told no.

We don't run the risk of
being labeled

pro-murder or pro-rape, Ann.

So we'll just shut our eyes
and play it safe.

What is wrong
with playing it safe?

It's commonly known as
cowardice, Arnie.

Excuse me, I don't accept that
characterization.

What's more, I resent it.

We have no business involving
ourselves in this controversy

when there's so much passion
on both sides.

I am involved, Douglas.
I'm a woman, I'm involved.

And that passion is my passion.

Now you may choose to ignore it,

but you will never make it
go away.

Well, we have heard evidence
of the vandalism.

We've heard evidence of the
street congestion.

And most of all, we've heard
what a terrible stain

this activity casts on the
entire neighborhood.

Now, every time they toss
a dwarf, they're saying it's

okay to humiliate a person just
because of the way he looks.

Every time they roll a dwarf
down a bowling alley, they're

saying it's okay to abuse
someone because he is different.

Well, it is not okay.

This is no different, ladies and
gentlemen, than if they started

throwing black people
and promoted it as

"*** tossing," or if they
decided to throw me down

a bowling alley and call it
"spic bowling."

And, even if the black person
agrees to be thrown,

even if I consent to be bowled,

those activities become
no less repulsive.

No.

Because bigotry
can never be ratified

by the victim's consent.

That just makes it more
pathetic.

What they are doing is depraved.

They are singling out a class of
people and designating them

as objects of ridicule
and disrespect.

And I don't care how much
they make people laugh.

I don't care how much
money they make.

That is discrimination.

Throw 'em through the air!
Have a beer!

Watch that little guy sail.

Smile. Have another brewski.

And help remind the world
that dwarfs

should never be taken seriously.

Well, they're not real people.

They're just cheap labor
for the freak show.

[scoffs]

Only an attorney as brilliant
as Mr. Sifuentes

could lend such plausibility

to an argument
so devoid of merit.

[chuckles] That stuff about
throwing blacks

or bowling Hispanics...

it's a, a gifted analogy,
but totally misplaced.

We have civil rights laws that
would prohibit "***-tossing"

or "spic-bowling."

But there is no such legislation
that applies to dwarfs.

And Mr. Sifuentes also very
wisely omitted

the safety argument
in his closing.

Undoubtedly, because he knows
how ridiculous it is.

Not one dwarf has been hurt
in my client's bar.

And the sport is certainly
far less dangerous than football

or boxing or other American
pastimes we embrace

so willingly.

No. Their whole case

comes down to the premise
that dwarf tossing

is cruel and depraved.

This, despite the fact that no
tossed dwarf has ever

come forward with a complaint.

Rather, it is the tall,
enlightened people

who find it so offensive.

And therein, ladies and
gentlemen, lies my complaint.

Prejudice can be found
in the assumption that

little people need protection.

That little people are not
competent to make the choices.

We don't know what to do
so you'll prescribe for us

what we should do.

I am an attorney.

I became an attorney because

I wanted to and because
it is my right.

It is also my right to become a
human projectile if I wanted to.

And if you limit that right
in my best interests,

you limit my freedom to
make the choice.

You erode my autonomy.
You demean my individuality.

And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is a far greater detriment

to self-esteem than being
thrown around in some bar.

Now, whatever you do, when you
go back into that jury room,

don't you dare feel
sorry for us.

Take it from me,
we'll take your ridicule

over your pity any time.

[pensive music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi.
- Hi.

What's up?

I can't do it.

Alright.

My firm is worried
about the effect on

some of their other clients,
and they told me

I can't take the case.

If you can't, you can't.

We're a small firm and I guess
they feel that we can't afford

to be identified quite so much
with the issue.

What about you?

I am a partner, I have to abide
by their decision.

W--what I mean is,
can you afford to be

identified with the issue?

Connie, if it were up to me,
I'd take the case.

I guess it just didn't occur to
me that it wasn't up to you.

There's no reason
that it should have.

You didn't know that I'd turned
into just another meek,

aging yuppie
who talks a good game

and then in the end
does what she's told.

I don't think of you as meek,
and I don't think of you

as a yuppie, and I certainly
don't think of you as aging.

Well, I know you're wrong
about the last one.

Ann, you're my friend,
that hasn't changed. Okay?

Okay.

Anyway, you should probably
be thinking about

that little one inside you.

Yeah.

Abby, come here. Look.
Look at this.

These are the guys my client
matched up with the plaintiff.

Hey, come on.
They're not so bad.

- Are they all living?
- Ughhh!

I'm gonna use this as an
exhibit, too. Which reminds me.

- Rox.
Rox: What, Stuart?

Yeah, I need you to notify court

and opposing counsel
about our new exhibit.

- Rox: I'll get right on it.
- Great. She is great.

Stuart, can I talk to you
for a minute?

Yeah.

You're filing way too many
motions and sending

too many letters to counsel.

What do you mean?

W-- what? Did Rox complain
or something?

No, no.
Roxanne didn't complain.

It's just that I've seen
what she's been doing

the last few days.

Stuart, this is not a big case.

In fact, this is a very small
case, and when the other side

sees you making such a big deal
out of it, they're gonna think

you don't have
anything better to do.

They're going to read you
as inexperienced.

They won't be quick to settle.

The judge will also read you
as inexperienced.

And when the jury sees that,
you won't carry

as much weight with them.

Take it from me.
A former victim.

I was just being thorough.

You're being too thorough.
Prepare your case, yeah.

But if you're too over anxious,

everybody's going to
smell a novice.

Okay.

Stuart: Abby.

Thanks.

Sounds like you're ready,
Stuart.

Oh, I can't wait. [chuckles]

[Abby laughs]

[door closes]

Mr. Foreman, has the jury
reached a verdict?

- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

Mr. Foreman: In the matter of
Stevens et. al. versus

Riley's Pub, we find that the
complained of activities

do not rise to the level of
nuisance, and therefore

return in favor of the
defendant.

Oh, baby! Yes!

You mean they get to
keep doing this?

I'm afraid so.

Roberta: I've listened to the
testimony of Phillip Holden.

I've listened to it carefully.

To warrant my setting aside
the jury's verdict

and ordering a new trial,
Mr. Holden needs to be credible.

He wasn't even close.

He waited long enough before
coming forward with his

purported new information so as
to seriously call into question

his motives for
coming forward at all.

He's a long time drug addict
and he's been adjudged

wholly unreliable in the past.

I've seen nothing here to cause
me to think that he's changed.

Accordingly, your motion for a
new trial is denied, Mr. Kuzak.

The jury's verdict stands.
Court dismissed.

Your Honor, I don't think--

Put it in your appellate
brief, sir.

I'm not hearing any oral
argument now.

[door opens]

Your Honor, what do I have to do
to make you see?

Will you get out of my chambers?

I am watching a man get ground
up in this great system of ours

because no one is willing to
believe that maybe,

maybe things are not
what they seem.

Your being here constitutes
ex parte communication.

I don't care what it
constitutes. I'm tired of having

my witnesses dismissed as liars.

Mr. Kuzak,
I'll tell you one more time.

Okay. What am I supposed to
tell my client?

Phil Holden wasn't
respectable enough

so you can kiss this life
good bye?

Will you send a court officer
in, please.

Just what is number one
on your list?

Getting at the truth
or getting things done?

You're in contempt, sir.

You're damn right
I am in contempt.

I'm staring at someone who would
send a man to his death

so she can clear off her desk,
and I am positively in contempt.

Gene, I'd like Mr. Kuzak here
placed under arrest.

Let him cool off for an hour
or so behind bars.

[sighs]

Aren't you tough.
Law and order uber alles.

Well, if a few innocent ones get
caught in the net,

that's just the price
we have to pay, right?

Get him out of here, Gene.
I don't have time for this.

Aren't you tough.

[dramatic music]

[door closes]

[door clanks open]

[door clanks shut]

[door rattling]

What now, Michael?

[music continues]

[door clanks]

[chuckles softly]

You sure look like a trial
lawyer, Stuart.

Yeah. Well, that's, that's
half of it, I'm told.

- Right.
- Come on.

[claps] Let's go.
We have an 8:30 reservation.

Stuart, did you ever think
what it would be like

to run our own
little peanut stand?

What do you mean?

I mean, instead of McKenzie and
Brackman, Kelsey and Markowitz.

How come your name comes first?

- Alphabetical.
- Yeah, right.

Really, though. You could be the
kind of lawyer you want to be,

and I could be the kind of
lawyer I want to be.

Sounds great. Question is,
could we earn a living?

I don't know. But it just
strikes me that we only have

a certain number of
productive years.

And I don't think I want to
spend them all toiling

in someone else's vineyard.

Well, I don't guess there's
any reason you have to.

I don't know
about this place, Stuart.

I really don't.

[instrumental music]

As, as soon as I saw
their faces, I knew.

I knew I was beat.

Well, Sifuentes, how many times
have I told you,

you're much too tall.

He should cut his legs off

and we could go into
practice together.

Hamilton, that's sick. I'm going
to the little girls' room.

Why don't you two wrap up
the shop talk so we can

have a decent conversation
when I get back?

- Okay.
- Will do. Mm-hm.

She's terrific.

She's absolutely contagious,
isn't she?

Yeah.

So, is there something
serious going on here?

Well, I wouldn't mind,
but I've only known her

an hour and a half.

What are you talking about?
You just met her?

She's a call girl.

Oh.

- Are you shocked?
- I'm not shocked. I'm not.

- Maybe surprised.
- Why?

Because she's so lanky? Phsew.

Forget about dwarf hookers,
Victor.

They're much too expensive.

Anyway, there's only about three
in the whole world.

[chuckles] See, there you go.

You're always deflecting
everything.

Oh, come on. Don't start
playing shrink with me.

Do you have a family, Hamilton?

What's that got to do with
anything?

I don't know.
Do you love anybody?

What the hell kinds of
questions are these?

They're just questions.

Have you ever loved somebody?

Are you going to make
a pass at me?

[chuckling] No.

Seriously.

Have you?

Yeah. I loved a woman once.

Six years ago,
I let myself fall in love.

What happened?

Hamilton: Well,
the same as happens

in most relationships, I guess.

One day you wake up
and the passion's gone.

You discover you don't really
know each other any more.

And then, uh, she gets
embarrassed to be

with a man who's only
three foot eleven tall.

I know what feelings
are about, Victor.

Still, I win my cases, I get
rich, I surround myself

with luxury,
I go out with beautiful women.

I got no complaints.

- Sorry I took so long.
Victor: Huh.

[sighs] What happened to you?

- Hm?
- I was expecting a ransom note.

[laughs] Isn't he adorable?

I was born that way.
What can I say.

- I'm having such a good time.
- Of course you are.

Life is good.
Life is great.

- Here's to happiness.
- To happiness.

[glasses clink]

[glasses clink]

[instrumental music]

[outro theme]

[production theme]