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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,924
[rock riff playing]
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,510
So, you and Jay?
3
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,137
It happened.
4
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,180
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,308
["Gonna Make You Sweat"
by C + C Music Factory playing]
6
00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,440
♪ Give me the music ♪
7
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,860
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
8
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,488
Why are we dancing?
9
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,948
Don't worry about it.
10
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,160
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
11
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,746
-[explosion]
-[cheering]
12
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,213
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
13
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,550
Good morning, Red. Good morning, Kitty.
14
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,179
Morning, sweetie.
15
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,348
-You want some orange juice?
-Coffee is fine.
16
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,393
-Since when do you drink coffee?
-Uh, since last night.
17
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,228
For no reason.
18
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,066
Oh!
19
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,942
Ooh, whoa.
20
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,862
Having a lot of firsts lately. [chuckles]
21
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,949
What's up with her?
22
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:20,288
Well, I didn't want to embarrass her,
but I heard some noises last night.
23
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,582
I think she's constipated.
24
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,918
[theme music playing]
25
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,836
{\an8}♪ Hanging out down the street ♪
26
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,880
{\an8}♪ The same old thing we did last week ♪
27
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,091
{\an8}♪ Not a thing to do ♪
28
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,259
{\an8}♪ But talk to you ♪
29
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,845
{\an8}♪ We're all all right
We're all all right ♪
30
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,389
{\an8}Hello, Wisconsin!
31
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,851
I've never felt closer
to anyone in my whole life.
32
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,647
-Everything feels different now.
-It was so much more than sex.
33
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,107
We made love.
34
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:49,526
Hey, guys.
35
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,946
{\an8}It wasn't just her first time, okay?
36
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:55,782
{\an8}Last night,
I lost my lovemaking virginity.
37
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,160
{\an8}[all] Boo!
38
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,622
{\an8}You're making it really hard
to be happy for you guys.
39
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,499
{\an8}See, I know she just said hard.
40
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,752
{\an8}That's not funny to me anymore.
41
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,547
{\an8}[both] It's beautiful.
42
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,426
{\an8}That poor couch. It's not your fault.
43
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,847
{\an8}The couch was so into it,
I'm counting it as a threesome.
44
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:23,518
{\an8}You know what this means?
I'm the only virgin left.
45
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,895
{\an8}All in good time. You'll get there, buddy.
46
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,314
{\an8}Oh, don't you dare.
47
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,359
{\an8}I've done plenty of stuff
that you haven't done.
48
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,361
{\an8}Like, I don't brag about it,
49
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:37,240
{\an8}but I was brought up
on stage at a magic show.
50
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,076
{\an8}Me too, by Penn and Teller.
51
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,374
{\an8}This is not a good look for you right now.
52
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,711
{\an8}Crap, I forgot. I have to walk my dog.
53
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,172
{\an8}But don't go anywhere, okay?
54
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,465
{\an8}If these guys are gone when I'm back,
55
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,968
{\an8}I'd like to make love
for the second time in my life.
56
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,180
{\an8}You don't go anywhere either.
57
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,390
{\an8}Ew!
58
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:05,935
{\an8}I didn't know he had a dog.
59
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,105
{\an8}Yeah, it goes straight for the crotch
like all the Kelsos.
60
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,985
{\an8}We had sex.
I should have known he had a dog.
61
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:17,155
{\an8}-Haven't you been to his house?
-I've never been to his house.
62
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,157
{\an8}I basically had sex with a stranger.
63
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,993
{\an8}Anyone been to North Carolina?
64
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,286
{\an8}'Cause... 'Cause I have.
65
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,332
{\an8}Bunch of North Carolina virgins.
66
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,293
[rock music playing]
67
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:36,090
{\an8}It was amazing. It's like our souls mated.
68
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:40,637
{\an8}And I think that's why they call it
soul mates and not soul humps.
69
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,557
{\an8}I'm so happy for you. [sniffles]
70
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,976
{\an8}Hey, that's exactly
how I cried right after.
71
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,315
{\an8}Dude, I'm... I'm sorry
to ruin your moment, but...
72
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,152
{\an8}I saw Nikki kissing
some other guy at the Hub. And...
73
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,780
{\an8}[sighs] He was hotter than both of us.
74
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,116
{\an8}That's impossible.
75
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,370
{\an8}I'm sorry, bro.
76
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:09,165
{\an8}You deserve the same happiness
that Leia and I have.
77
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,919
{\an8}Okay? Forget about Nikki.
Go out there and find another girl.
78
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:14,504
{\an8}[quietly] Yeah.
79
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:16,631
{\an8}That'd probably help.
80
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,510
Okay, I'm in. Where should we go?
81
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,470
Oh. I can't tonight.
82
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,099
Leia might wanna make love again,
and I wanna be there for that.
83
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,979
But you got this. Go out there
and talk to the first cute girl you see.
84
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,815
I'm having a really good time.
85
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,906
I think Jay meant
talk to a girl who's not your mom.
86
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,574
I'm just scared.
87
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,495
I've been out of the game for years.
I don't even know how to talk to girls.
88
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:51,040
All you gotta do is pick a gal and say,
"I like your boots."
89
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,127
"But I'd like them better
if they were the only things you had on."
90
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,296
I'mma take a lap.
You got a ride home. Right?
91
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,924
Wait, Mommy, can you just
sit with me a little longer?
92
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:05,054
Listen, hon,
you're the light of my life and all,
93
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,973
but you're cramping my style.
94
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,475
Why don't we both
go talk to people our own ages?
95
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,478
Or, for me, someone in the middle
of our two ages.
96
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,032
Boots on.
97
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,165
-What?
-I don't know. My mom told me to say that.
98
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,460
Oh. You do what your mom says
so you don't get spanked?
99
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,629
-No. She doesn't spank me.
-Do you want me to spank you?
100
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,591
What did I do? Why am I in trouble?
101
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,469
[inhales sharply] You're hilarious.
102
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:48,014
Thanks, I was, uh...
I was being funny on purpose.
103
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,225
Can I buy you some wings?
104
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,811
Sure. Do you need
to ask your mom for some money?
105
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,814
[chuckles] You're hilarious too.
106
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,608
I have so much money. [chuckles]
107
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,653
But that lady who looks like me
has it in her purse.
108
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,034
Could you put a couple beers on my tab?
109
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,494
It's under Betsy Kelso.
110
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,581
New plan.
111
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,500
Do you have any money?
112
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,835
[rock riff plays]
113
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:21,923
What's wrong?
114
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,092
Are we out of wine?
115
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,511
She's gone, Red.
116
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:31,641
It was so sudden.
Everything was fine, and then... dead.
117
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,811
Don't make me guess!
118
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,938
You always get annoyed.
119
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,190
[sighs]
120
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,317
Was it Aunt Carol?
121
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,653
She died six years ago.
122
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,989
How can you not remember?
123
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,868
An open casket.
She was showing way too much cleavage.
124
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,789
That's why I'm getting buried
in a turtleneck.
125
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,209
Okay, I'm not guessing again. Who died?
126
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,002
My vacuum.
127
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,589
I was doing my pattern pass on the rug,
128
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,051
and she started to sputter.
And I said, "Are you okay?"
129
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:11,472
And she made a noise
that sounded like, "No."
130
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:16,686
So... you're not upset about anything else?
131
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,105
It's just the vacuum?
132
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,482
"Just the vacuum"?
133
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,943
Well, if it's a problem,
I'll get rid of it.
134
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,778
You will not!
135
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:28,990
I want you to take her to the shop
136
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,033
and see if they can
bring her back to life.
137
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,619
It's not worth it, Kitty.
138
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,623
This vacuum is so old,
it was made in America.
139
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,210
Is that how you're gonna be with me, Red?
140
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,338
Not worth saving?
Just pull the plug? Get a new wife?
141
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:46,841
A new wife?
142
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,426
No, thank you.
143
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,679
What if she's crazy?
144
00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,222
I'm off to the shop.
145
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,767
[rock riff plays]
146
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,728
I want to hear about every dog.
147
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,481
Start from the beginning.
Names, breeds, personalities.
148
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,192
Okay. Fred, Lab, prankster.
149
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,069
And then it was Muffin, Yorkie, nerd.
150
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:12,283
And now, it's David Hasselhoff,
Corgi, whore.
151
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,287
Hey, guys.
152
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,165
How's everyone enjoying the best day ever?
153
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,502
Uh, you might want to find another seat.
That's the sex couch.
154
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,545
Then this is where I belong.
155
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,465
So, what happened?
156
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:32,845
I want to tell you about some sex I had,
but... out of respect to Nik, I... I can't.
157
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,056
-I'm fine.
-It was bonkers!
158
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:39,602
Dude. It was like two wild animals
fighting over a piece of meat.
159
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,522
And I was the meat.
160
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,109
Maybe it is the couch.
161
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,114
I mean, so, who was she?
Does she go to our school or...
162
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,158
No, she's older than us.
163
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,952
-That's hot.
-Yeah.
164
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,413
And so is the exact difference in our age.
165
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,333
-So, what's her name?
-Betsy.
166
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,670
And, uh, I know that
'cause I screamed it a lot.
167
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,880
Betsy. You know, that's weird.
168
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,132
-I have a sister named Betsy.
-Oh yeah.
169
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,051
You have a sister?
170
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,930
What do you guys talk about?
171
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:21,018
Your Betsy can't be my sister
because she's studying in Spain.
172
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,354
The girl from last night
just got back from Spain.
173
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,359
What town?
174
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,447
-Salamanca!
-Salamanca!
175
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,828
[chuckling] I'm really glad
I let you tell this story.
176
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,913
[rock music playing]
177
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,585
-You're late.
-It is so good to see you, little bro.
178
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,587
No. Nuh-uh.
We are not doing nice "hellos."
179
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,131
You lost that privilege
when you crunched my bro.
180
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,010
-Hi, Nate.
-Betsy, it's, uh...
181
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,345
It's really great to see you again.
182
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,933
Stop it. Don't pretend something
seriously disgusting didn't just happen.
183
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,186
I didn't think it was disgusting.
Nate, did you?
184
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,397
-I did not. It was very nice.
-Thank you.
185
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,357
Thank you.
186
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:14,030
-This can never happen again.
-You sure we can't hook up anymore?
187
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,239
You're so great at it.
188
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,157
[chuckles]
189
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,534
A dancer's only as good as their partner.
190
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,287
-I taught you that line.
-I taught you that line.
191
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,416
Wait. Maybe since she's your half-sister,
we could do half stuff.
192
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,544
-I call top half. [chuckles]
-I call bottom half.
193
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,007
That was a great idea. You are so smart.
194
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,718
Stop it. You're just saying he's smart
to manipulate him.
195
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,512
That is not what's happening.
I'm really into him.
196
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:39,930
Aw...
197
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,099
Hey, no, don't listen to her, bro.
198
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,394
I know exactly what she's doing
because she's just like me.
199
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,687
But that's exactly it.
200
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:50,024
You can trust that I really like Nate
'cause you really like Nate.
201
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,234
We have a sibling connection.
202
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,569
Like that thing twins have.
203
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,946
When one cuts themself,
the other feels the pain.
204
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,657
I saw a thing on that.
205
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,243
If you take him from me,
know who's gonna feel that pain?
206
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,454
You! My brother.
207
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,539
Do you really wanna break your own heart?
208
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,376
Crap, I never thought about it like that.
209
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,503
Now you can see it 'cause you're so smart.
210
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,671
Thank you.
211
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,424
You're evil.
212
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,010
You stay away from my friend.
213
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,554
Ooh. That's a "no" for me, big dog.
214
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,139
Okay, forget you.
215
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:26,602
Nate, my brother from another mother,
you got to promise me,
216
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,563
you'll stay away from my sister
from another mother.
217
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,399
I swear.
218
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,318
-Misters before sisters.
-[sighs]
219
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,779
-You suck.
-Dad stayed with my mom.
220
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,949
-Not for those three years in the middle.
-We don't talk about that!
221
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,617
[rock riff plays]
222
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,077
Where's my old vacuum?
223
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:48,416
Well, I took it to the shop,
like you asked, and it is dead.
224
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,630
Did the guy at the shop say it was dead?
What exactly did he say?
225
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,717
He said it was... [mutters] ...dead.
226
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,721
I don't love having you
as my emergency contact anymore.
227
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,015
But I got you this fancy new one.
228
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,434
Do you even love me?
229
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,602
Oh...
230
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,229
Come on. Just try it.
231
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,731
How does it even work?
232
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,151
I don't know...
233
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,947
What is... No! Get out.
234
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,658
-I...
-Don't...
235
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,541
[vacuum whirring quietly]
236
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,795
This thing has no soul.
237
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,090
[rock music playing]
238
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,929
-Hey!
-[shrieks]
239
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:46,265
[chuckles]
240
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,559
I mean, uh... [deeply] Ahh!
241
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,227
[chuckles, clears throat]
242
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,354
Did you miss me?
243
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,776
-I don't think you should be here.
-No, I shouldn't.
244
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,154
-But isn't that what's hot about it?
-Betsy...
245
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,198
I promised Jay.
246
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,242
You're such a good guy, Nate.
247
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,037
I can see how much you care about Jay.
248
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,499
-Just wish he cared as much about you.
-What are you talking about?
249
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,792
He cares about me.
250
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,711
He puts sunscreen on my back
in the places I can't reach.
251
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,589
I'm just saying,
if he really cared about you,
252
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:21,801
why is he asking you to give up
on something that makes you happy?
253
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,677
Jay said it...
254
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,054
Shh...
255
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,642
It's always "Jay, Jay, Jay..."
256
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,270
When's it gonna be time
for Nate, Nate, Nate?
257
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,065
Oh, I know. Right now.
258
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,571
Salamanca.
259
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:46,867
It's so quiet.
260
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,372
Things are supposed to make noise
when they're sucking.
261
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,499
[chuckles quietly]
262
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,919
When you get older, I'm gonna
tell you why that's funny. [chuckles]
263
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,047
Well, the worst part is I'm stuck with it.
264
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,508
Well, not if it breaks.
265
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,426
Oh, this thing is brand new.
266
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,553
I know.
267
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:07,930
But if it breaks...
268
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,058
-Oh...
-Hmm.
269
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,065
You're gonna have to do better than that.
270
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,693
If you were gonna murder someone,
how would you do it?
271
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,610
Poison.
272
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,907
I'm gonna go home and think about
how fast you answered that question.
273
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,826
[rock riff plays]
274
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,329
How am I supposed to learn about Jay
when he's barely in any yearbooks?
275
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,832
I mean, in fourth grade,
he's not in it at all.
276
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,042
That's the year he refused to wear pants,
277
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,671
making it illegal
for an adult to take his picture.
278
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,884
Leia, nobody knows everything
about the person they're dating.
279
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,385
I dated Nate for two years,
280
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,846
and I just found out
his two front teeth are fake.
281
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,389
[chuckles]
282
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,433
A deer kicked him in the face.
283
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,311
He tried to scare it... and he did.
284
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,024
What if Jay has some horrible secret?
285
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,818
This is the guy I'm supposed to spend
the rest of my life with.
286
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,863
The rest of your life?
Couldn't have been that good.
287
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,489
What?
288
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,618
My parents started dating
when they were our age.
289
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,412
-And they're still together.
-Who cares?
290
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,998
My mom found my dad at his wedding.
291
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:20,461
Your parents set
unreasonable expectations for you.
292
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:23,547
But that's how I always thought
it would happen for me.
293
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,174
Even before I met Jay.
294
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,260
Now I'm worried I rushed into it.
295
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:30,888
"Rush?"
296
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,892
We've been hearing
about this crap for a full-ass year!
297
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:40,314
I know I'm overanalyzing it,
but the first time's a big deal.
298
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:43,233
Leia, did you like having sex with Jay?
299
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,027
You bet your biscuit I did.
300
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,072
Dude, she had sex before you did.
301
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,242
Then do it again.
302
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,412
It won't be your first time,
and you can stop freaking out.
303
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,705
That's a great idea.
304
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,542
But Jay's just been so upset
with this sister thing.
305
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:04,171
-Are you sure he'll want to do it again?
-[chuckles] You're good.
306
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,256
[rock music plays]
307
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,349
Kitty, did you stab the new vacuum?
308
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,143
No.
309
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:23,816
But I know exactly what happened...
because I was there.
310
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,736
I was using it because I love it.
311
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,281
And someone had left a knife on the floor.
312
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,868
I'm assuming it was you
because you're careless with cutlery.
313
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:41,083
-Go on.
-Well, the vacuum... sucked it up.
314
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:46,839
And it came flying into the bag,
and it did one of these,
315
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,507
and I swear on your life,
316
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:53,887
it shot out of the canister
and did a complete U-turn in midair.
317
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,764
And then, because of physics,
318
00:16:55,848 --> 00:17:01,145
it did it over and over
and over and over again.
319
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,233
And you're sticking with that story?
320
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,193
Fine.
321
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,030
I miss my old vacuum, Red.
322
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,782
I wish you asked me
before getting rid of it.
323
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,951
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
324
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,661
You're right.
325
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,955
But you know
what might make you feel better?
326
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:24,835
If we sang "Happy Birthday"
to the toaster.
327
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,929
I know you think I'm being silly,
but if something means a lot to me,
328
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,600
I would like to think
it would mean something to you.
329
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:44,313
And, for your information,
that toaster was a Christmas gift.
330
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,441
It has the same birthday as Jesus.
331
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,360
[rock riff plays]
332
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,614
The second time was even better.
333
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,949
Think it'll keep getting better forever?
334
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,367
No. [chuckles]
335
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,746
Oh, I mean, maybe.
336
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,415
Absolutely.
337
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,542
It doesn't matter.
338
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:09,129
And it also doesn't matter
that I don't know everything about you.
339
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,132
The fun part is we get to keep
learning about each other.
340
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:13,926
Sure.
341
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,805
Like, I didn't know
you like shrimp and grits.
342
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,182
Oh, this was here when we sat down.
343
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,814
Son of a bitch.
344
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,649
[sighs]
345
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,737
Hey, man! What happened
to "misters before sisters"?
346
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,531
Oh no, I think he forgot.
347
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:40,452
Look, why can't you just let us
do our thing? We're happy.
348
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,205
Can't you just be happy
with any other girl?
349
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,498
I mean, bro...
350
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,376
-Look at this hottie.
-Hey, hon!
351
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:50,212
Hey, Mom.
352
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,881
Okay, not her. Anybody else.
353
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,884
-I don't know why you're so mad.
-You know why I'm mad.
354
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,596
-Bro, I was upset, and you blew me off.
-What are you talking about?
355
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,391
I told you to put yourself back out there.
356
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,894
Yeah. And if you'd come with me
when I needed you,
357
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,107
you could have been like,
"Hold up. That's my sister!"
358
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,901
There was a chance I was making love.
359
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,989
Oh! Of course there was.
It's always Jay, Jay, Jay.
360
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:20,409
And did Betsy tell you that?
She likes to say things three times.
361
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,493
[scoffs] No.
362
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,036
Hey, hey, hey.
363
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,248
Hey, cowgirl.
364
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:31,837
So you had sex, huh?
365
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,842
-Gwen told you?
-I can tell when people have had sex.
366
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,969
Like, that guy over there?
367
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,805
He just had sex in the parking lot.
368
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,475
-With you?
-Oh! You can do it too!
369
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,564
It doesn't matter who said it.
370
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,025
She's right.
You haven't been a good friend to me.
371
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:56,820
You're sleeping with my sister.
That's textbook bad friend!
372
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,156
I had a really hard year.
373
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,782
And you know that.
374
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,994
When I find a shred of happiness,
you piss all over it.
375
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,622
You broke a promise, okay?
376
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,750
You don't get out of this
because you're lonely and sad.
377
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,543
Screw you, man!
378
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:15,297
Let's get out of here.
379
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:16,798
Oh.
380
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:22,471
And when we did it in your room,
your bed said, "Finally! A real man."
381
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:26,099
Burn!
382
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,435
[rock music playing]
383
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,774
I know you wanted a final goodbye.
384
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,151
So, she's in there.
385
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:44,743
They were pulling her apart
for scrap metal when I got there.
386
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:49,039
-Are you sure you want to look?
-[tearfully] I have to.
387
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,587
That's her.
388
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,384
I know this sounds crazy.
389
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:03,303
But, what if we cremated her?
390
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:07,891
And then you could vacuum up her ashes
with your new vacuum.
391
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,310
Well, that's ridiculous.
392
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,231
We'll just bury her in the backyard
next to my old blender.
393
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,485
Okay.
394
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,614
Goodbye, old friend.
395
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,867
Hope it's dusty in heaven.
396
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:33,375
♪ Amazing grace ♪
397
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,296
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
398
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:40,716
♪ That saved ♪
399
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:45,637
♪ A wretch like me ♪
400
00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,224
I don't know any more words.
401
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:53,186
[closing theme music playing]
30487
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