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1
00:00:06,603 --> 00:00:08,483
I've never had casual sex
with a sober person before.
2
00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,483
- I'm pregnant.
- Did you just say pregnant?
3
00:00:10,523 --> 00:00:12,163
We're getting married.
4
00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:13,843
I wouldn't have ordered this
if it were on the menu,
5
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,323
but there was no menu.
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,803
You gullible American prick.
7
00:00:16,843 --> 00:00:19,043
You fucking ingrate shrew!
8
00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:23,563
- I'm so sorry.
- My water just broke.
9
00:00:23,603 --> 00:00:25,203
My water's broken.
It's too early.
10
00:00:25,243 --> 00:00:26,243
What?
11
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:29,723
[crowd cheering on TV]
12
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,283
I knew they were going
to vote him out.
13
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:35,123
Well, congratulations.
You're a psychic of garbage.
14
00:00:36,723 --> 00:00:39,203
Why are we watching this?
15
00:00:39,243 --> 00:00:41,403
Because Mad Men'sfinished,
16
00:00:41,443 --> 00:00:43,443
and Game of Thrones
isn't back on yet,
17
00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:44,563
and there's nothing else.
18
00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:45,923
So let's watch that,
then.
19
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,403
Let's
watch nothing else.
20
00:00:49,523 --> 00:00:50,963
Or let's have sex.
21
00:00:52,123 --> 00:00:53,843
Will I have to put
my mug down?
22
00:00:53,883 --> 00:00:55,123
No.
23
00:00:55,163 --> 00:00:57,363
My old lady bra
turns you on?
24
00:00:57,403 --> 00:00:59,603
Fuck, yeah.
It's like being in bed
25
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,003
with one of my aunt's
friends.
26
00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:04,163
- Feels dirty and wrong.
- Uhh.
27
00:01:04,203 --> 00:01:05,443
Hmm.
28
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:08,043
Can I--
I just need to watch,
29
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:11,083
like, the first two minutes
of this next episode
30
00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:12,843
because I want to see
what the hardest challenge is.
31
00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:24,763
Can you move your feet?
That's really uncomfortable.
32
00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,003
No.
33
00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:29,563
Then can you make
your legs less heavy?
34
00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:33,843
Are you going
to make me do it?
35
00:01:40,403 --> 00:01:42,363
Why did you move
my legs like that?
36
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,803
I'm sorry.
I have a cramp.
37
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,803
You didn't say that.
You hurt me.
38
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:49,523
I said it was uncomfortable.
I didn't know I had
to give you a diagnosis.
39
00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:52,043
I asked you to move them,
and you didn't move them.
40
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,563
That was just really
aggressive.
41
00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:55,843
- It wasn't aggressive.
- You're so aggressive.
42
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,963
- I'm aggressive?
- "Aggressive."
43
00:01:58,003 --> 00:01:59,683
"Aggressive."
It was even aggressive
44
00:01:59,723 --> 00:02:01,523
the way you said that,
Mark Wahlberg.
45
00:02:01,563 --> 00:02:02,883
I'm not aggressive.
46
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,483
When have I ever
been aggressive to you?
47
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:05,963
Uh, just now, the way
you moved my feet.
48
00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:08,003
I have a fucking cramp.
49
00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:11,163
[scoff]
Don't loom over me.
50
00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:12,323
Don't threaten me.
51
00:02:12,363 --> 00:02:14,643
What? Do you know
what threaten means?
52
00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:16,003
Yeah,
and I felt threatened.
53
00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:17,563
[scoff] You felt threatened?
54
00:02:17,603 --> 00:02:19,043
What are you, a blogger?
55
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,843
I felt threatened. Post.
56
00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,683
Fucking Syrians
are threatened.
57
00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:25,203
"I felt threatened."
You live on a cream puff.
58
00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:28,403
Do you want to take a walk
and just, like, calm down?
59
00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:30,403
Okay.
60
00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:31,843
- Where are you going?
- Out.
61
00:02:31,883 --> 00:02:32,923
Out. What are you,
a teenager?
62
00:02:32,963 --> 00:02:34,043
Going for a drive.
63
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,683
Bullshit. You're going
to McDonald's.
64
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,843
Fine. Take your purse
and get out of my house.
65
00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:40,643
Uh, this is my house.
I bought this house.
66
00:02:40,683 --> 00:02:43,083
Fine.
Well, then get off my rug
67
00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,923
that I bought in Amsterdam
where I had sex with a guy
68
00:02:45,963 --> 00:02:47,443
whose last name
I didn't even learn.
69
00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:49,563
Oh, like I haven't done that.
70
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,043
With women.
71
00:02:53,243 --> 00:02:54,363
[raspberry]
72
00:03:02,563 --> 00:03:05,363
Where's the fucking car?
73
00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,243
Woman: ...after 4.
74
00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:09,843
He didn't actually begin
communicating effectively
75
00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:11,523
until he was about--
76
00:03:11,563 --> 00:03:12,683
[TV off]
77
00:03:12,723 --> 00:03:14,603
Yeah.
Nice try, Jason Bourne.
78
00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:15,763
Where's the car?
79
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,283
- Sharon?
- Maynold Street.
80
00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:20,403
You couldn't find
anything closer?
81
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:21,963
No, there was
lots of spots closer,
82
00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,163
but I had 11 shopping bags,
and I'm nine months pregnant,
83
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,763
so I fancied the fucking walk.
84
00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:28,883
Well, I don't,
so I'm going to sleep.
85
00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,883
Don't touch me.
86
00:03:36,923 --> 00:03:38,283
If you come
anywhere near me,
87
00:03:38,323 --> 00:03:39,443
I'm going to scream.
88
00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:44,643
Put your finger
in my asshole.
89
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,243
How?
90
00:03:51,723 --> 00:03:53,203
- [baby chatter]
- Oh!
91
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:54,923
Ow! Fuck!
92
00:03:54,963 --> 00:03:56,043
Hey! Are you okay,
darling?
93
00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:57,563
Come here, honey.
94
00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,963
I think I cut my f--
effing eyebrow bone!
95
00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,363
- [barking]
- Get down, Mabel!
96
00:04:01,403 --> 00:04:02,883
- Get down, Mabel!
- [whimpering]
97
00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,603
[giggling]
98
00:04:09,363 --> 00:04:11,323
He's trying to bite
the baby's toes again.
99
00:04:11,363 --> 00:04:12,563
She's not biting them.
100
00:04:12,603 --> 00:04:14,523
She's licking them,
and he likes it.
101
00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:16,843
Just because he
likes it doesn't mean
we should allow it.
102
00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:18,403
That's
how fetishes start.
103
00:04:18,443 --> 00:04:20,883
Do you want him
to have to pay hookers
104
00:04:20,923 --> 00:04:22,123
to lick his feet?
105
00:04:22,163 --> 00:04:23,723
Let's not set him
on that path.
106
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,163
Have a great day, honey.
107
00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:29,923
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Think so.
108
00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:31,283
No baby today.
109
00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:32,643
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
110
00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:34,083
Okay, I'm going to go.
111
00:04:34,123 --> 00:04:36,803
Oh, what are we
going to do about my mom?
112
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,123
We'll just tell her no
because we've got
a baby on the way.
113
00:04:39,163 --> 00:04:40,683
She claims to want
to help with the baby.
114
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,083
Well,
we know that's not true.
115
00:04:42,123 --> 00:04:44,003
She's going to make me
take her places.
116
00:04:44,043 --> 00:04:45,963
She's going to make me
take her to the M&M Store
117
00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:47,683
in fucking
Leicester Square.
118
00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:49,523
Like they don't have
M&Ms in America.
119
00:04:49,563 --> 00:04:51,883
Well, you tell me where
you don't want to take her,
120
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:53,523
and I'll tell her
it burned down.
121
00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:56,123
Our house. Tell her
our house burned down.
122
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,123
Okay.
123
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,683
Bring me back a surprise.
124
00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,163
And as the fungus grows,
125
00:05:05,203 --> 00:05:07,883
it takes over the ant's
central nervous system,
126
00:05:07,923 --> 00:05:09,363
manipulating its behavior.
127
00:05:09,403 --> 00:05:10,643
It then kills the ant,
128
00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:12,923
and a stalk emerges
from the skull,
129
00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:15,323
which explodes, spreading
the fungus much further,
130
00:05:15,363 --> 00:05:18,683
creating armies of,
for want of a better term,
131
00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:19,843
zombie ants.
132
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:25,083
And this, is a sense, is
what Brayban's seeking to do
133
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,323
- with our takeover of Nyromax.
- [phone jingles]
134
00:05:27,363 --> 00:05:28,763
Can you see what I'm
getting at here?
135
00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:30,323
Shit. I'm sorry.
136
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,203
I'm just-- I'm going
to take this. Just--
137
00:05:32,243 --> 00:05:33,883
Did anyone else see
the documentary?
138
00:05:33,923 --> 00:05:35,163
- Hey.
- It was disgusting.
139
00:05:35,203 --> 00:05:37,443
I think the baby's coming.
140
00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:39,003
Yeah, I think it's coming.
141
00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:40,443
Whoo.
142
00:05:40,483 --> 00:05:41,843
Rob:
You can't keep doing that.
143
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,923
Twice. I've done it twice,
144
00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:47,923
and this time I genuinely
felt really lonely and bored.
145
00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:49,843
Did you check in
on Frankie?
146
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,563
His little bum
still up in the air?
147
00:05:51,603 --> 00:05:54,283
Way up there. I gave it
a little polish.
148
00:05:54,323 --> 00:05:56,083
God, his little bum
is too much.
149
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,643
Even his penis is cute.
150
00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:59,163
Ah. His little penis.
151
00:05:59,203 --> 00:06:00,723
I love his little penis.
152
00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,203
[chuckle]
You don't think
153
00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:03,763
it's little little,
though, do you?
154
00:06:03,803 --> 00:06:05,803
No. It's huge
for a baby penis.
155
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,963
Is it? I'd hate
if he had a small penis.
156
00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:10,403
- Is that bad?
- No.
157
00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:12,763
All moms want their sons
to have big penises.
158
00:06:12,803 --> 00:06:15,403
You want your son's penis
to inspire respect
159
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,803
and a tiny bit of fear.
160
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,363
No. I just want it
to be big enough
161
00:06:19,403 --> 00:06:20,723
so he doesn't
have to worry.
162
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:22,123
I don't want him
to be a folk legend
163
00:06:22,163 --> 00:06:25,523
or have to put out ads
for women with big pussies.
164
00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:27,483
Yeah. I don't want him
to have to roam
165
00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:29,443
from city to city,
using rural highways
166
00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:31,483
in search of women
who can handle
his freakish penis.
167
00:06:31,523 --> 00:06:34,363
[whistling]
168
00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:38,923
Oh. He asked me
to itch his bum earlier.
169
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,843
- Yeah?
- But he meant inside it,
170
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,643
like he parted
his butt cheeks,
171
00:06:42,683 --> 00:06:44,243
and he asked me
to itch him in it.
172
00:06:44,283 --> 00:06:46,323
- What did you say?
- I said no.
173
00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:47,483
But I felt bad.
174
00:06:47,523 --> 00:06:48,843
It's okay to say no
175
00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:50,163
when people ask you
to do stuff
176
00:06:50,203 --> 00:06:51,323
to their private parts
177
00:06:51,363 --> 00:06:52,723
that you don't
want to do.
178
00:06:52,763 --> 00:06:53,803
Unless it's me.
179
00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:55,403
I got to go back to work.
180
00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:03,883
Aw.
181
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,763
If we were
to get Radiohead,
182
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:07,203
it would be the first time
183
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,003
they've allowed one of
their tracks to be used
184
00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,643
in a pharmaceutical ad
targeted at children.
185
00:07:11,683 --> 00:07:13,643
- What about Coldplay?
- [phone buzzes]
186
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,523
Well, obviously
I've tried Coldplay,
187
00:07:16,563 --> 00:07:19,683
but, uh, you know,
people can't buy the drug
188
00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:21,323
if they fall asleep
during the commercial.
189
00:07:24,483 --> 00:07:26,603
Why would people fall asleep
listening to Coldplay?
190
00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:31,563
We can try Maroon 5.
191
00:07:31,603 --> 00:07:34,243
Automated voice on phone:
You have one new message.
192
00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:36,003
Sharon: Oh, God,
where the fuck are you?
193
00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:38,843
The baby's coming!
Fucking hell! Where are you?
194
00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,803
No, no, no, no.
This is my lift.
195
00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:55,323
- Oh! Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
196
00:07:55,363 --> 00:07:56,963
I thought you just
wanted me to keep you
company again.
197
00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:58,963
They'll have to
cut it out of me, Rob.
198
00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:01,123
Caesarian me, please!
It's not too late!
199
00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:02,483
It's too late.
You're crowning.
200
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,603
Push it back in
and cut it out!
201
00:08:04,643 --> 00:08:05,883
I'm sorry, nurse. Is it
definitely too late?
202
00:08:05,923 --> 00:08:06,963
Yes, it is.
203
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:08,203
I told you it all started
204
00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:09,403
with the dinner together!
205
00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:11,723
I don't like this!
206
00:08:11,763 --> 00:08:13,203
Nurse, she doesn't like this.
207
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,003
Is it out yet? Oh, God.
208
00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:18,323
Oh, no. Am I
shitting myself now?
209
00:08:18,363 --> 00:08:19,603
Barely.
210
00:08:28,643 --> 00:08:32,203
♪ If you've seen a change
211
00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:36,443
♪ Yes, it's true
212
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:41,403
♪ I'm a useful man
213
00:08:41,443 --> 00:08:45,363
♪ In these shoes
214
00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:50,403
Oh, fuck you, Grand Master 69!
215
00:08:50,443 --> 00:08:52,723
Whenever
it's Hummel figurines,
216
00:08:52,763 --> 00:08:55,323
this piece of shit
always outbids me.
217
00:08:55,363 --> 00:08:56,963
[laughing]
218
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,723
Do you eBay?
219
00:09:00,363 --> 00:09:02,363
Uh...Karen.
220
00:09:02,403 --> 00:09:04,243
Are you going to cap it
at two of these?
221
00:09:04,283 --> 00:09:06,403
Cap it? No, I'm going
to cut it off.
222
00:09:06,443 --> 00:09:08,803
- I'm going to get snipped.
- Don't do that.
223
00:09:08,843 --> 00:09:10,323
What if it doesn't
work out with Sharon
224
00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:12,363
and you meet a younger
woman and she wants kids?
225
00:09:12,403 --> 00:09:13,723
That's exactly why
I'm going to do it:
226
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,243
to remove
the possibility
227
00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:16,963
of that nightmare
ever happening.
228
00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:18,923
I'm going to be a husband
and a dad once.
229
00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:21,363
I'm going to do a good job,
and then I'm going to die.
230
00:09:21,403 --> 00:09:24,883
Give it time.
What about you?
231
00:09:24,923 --> 00:09:26,883
I'm going to keep going
till I have a boy.
232
00:09:26,923 --> 00:09:29,803
I'd be a great father
to a son.
233
00:09:29,843 --> 00:09:31,803
How do you guys
not get pregnant?
234
00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:34,043
Same way I don't get
the postman pregnant.
235
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,883
Fran and I haven't fucked
in just over two years.
236
00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:39,443
Why, man? You're not--
[whistles]
237
00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:41,963
Not yet, but it doesn't
get quite big or hard enough
238
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:45,283
to bridge the fucking gulf
that has opened up between us.
239
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:51,763
It would take at least ten
very hard, very long penises.
240
00:09:51,803 --> 00:09:53,643
I could walk across them
like a tightrope, maybe,
241
00:09:53,683 --> 00:09:56,363
and, uh, I don't know, throw
a handful of jism at her.
242
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,083
Isn't that
what Elton John does?
243
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,283
Where is Fran today?
244
00:10:01,323 --> 00:10:03,003
We're not
currently attending
245
00:10:03,043 --> 00:10:05,203
any public engagements
together.
246
00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:08,203
Barometrically, we combine
to create an atmosphere
247
00:10:08,243 --> 00:10:09,643
that is somewhat shitty.
248
00:10:09,683 --> 00:10:12,243
We flipped a coin
for this party,
249
00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:13,723
and I lost.
250
00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:17,003
No offense.
251
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:19,123
Aw. It seems like
only ten minutes ago
252
00:10:19,163 --> 00:10:20,523
we were sharing
one bedroom and a dildo
253
00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:21,683
above a Chicken Cottage.
254
00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:22,883
We never shared a dildo.
255
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,843
That's what you think.
256
00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,483
Oh, my God.
257
00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:29,843
I've gone and I've
wet myself.
258
00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:32,843
It's okay.
I'm wearing a nappy.
259
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,403
Ohh.
260
00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:35,923
You've got it all now.
261
00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:38,443
Yeah. I've got two kids
and a dog now.
262
00:10:38,483 --> 00:10:40,963
It's what I always wanted,
apparently.
263
00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:43,443
Rob, he's looking
a little tired.
264
00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,803
You might want to give him
a teeny break from Frankie.
265
00:10:47,403 --> 00:10:51,003
You know, I just realized
who she reminds me of:
266
00:10:51,043 --> 00:10:52,923
- Rob's father.
- Aw.
267
00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:54,283
To give you the context,
268
00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:56,443
you know the actor
Gene Wilder?
269
00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:59,003
My baby doesn't look
like Gene Wilder.
270
00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:00,683
[hums "I don't know"]
271
00:11:00,723 --> 00:11:03,283
You know, I still have
trouble with the name.
272
00:11:03,323 --> 00:11:05,843
How do you say it? Moron?
273
00:11:05,883 --> 00:11:07,043
Muireann.
274
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,683
M-Moray?
275
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,123
"Mweren."
276
00:11:10,163 --> 00:11:13,323
I get it. In America
we say Myron.
277
00:11:13,363 --> 00:11:16,323
You know, people probably
try to say it your way,
278
00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:18,283
but when they got
to Ellis Island
279
00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:20,123
they just changed it
to Myron.
280
00:11:21,803 --> 00:11:23,323
So I think it's Myron.
281
00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,323
Ohh.
282
00:11:27,363 --> 00:11:28,803
How long has your
mother-in-law been here?
283
00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:30,643
Oh, just, uh,
just three weeks.
284
00:11:30,683 --> 00:11:32,723
Yeah, she was supposed
to leave on Tuesday,
285
00:11:32,763 --> 00:11:34,763
but she mislaid her passport.
286
00:11:34,803 --> 00:11:37,523
It's fine, though,
because she's been doing
a lot of babysitting,
287
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,243
and I'm kidding.
She's fucking useless.
288
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,603
You okay?
289
00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:43,763
Oh, yeah, I'm terrific.
290
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,283
Where's your mom?
291
00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:46,363
She's in the toilet.
292
00:11:46,403 --> 00:11:47,923
She's scared of your mom,
293
00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:49,443
so she's
hiding in our toilet.
294
00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:50,923
[dog barking]
295
00:11:50,963 --> 00:11:52,723
Why did we do this?
296
00:11:52,763 --> 00:11:54,163
Because it knocks out
all our visitors
297
00:11:54,203 --> 00:11:56,283
- in one terrible afternoon.
- Okay.
298
00:11:56,323 --> 00:11:57,643
[fussing]
299
00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,323
Do you want me
to take...Muireann?
300
00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:02,243
Why do you do that?
301
00:12:02,283 --> 00:12:04,603
Why do you pause before
you say her name?
302
00:12:04,643 --> 00:12:07,243
I don't. Do I?
303
00:12:07,283 --> 00:12:09,163
I mean, well, I don't know.
304
00:12:09,203 --> 00:12:10,323
[barking]
305
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,243
I want to get rid
of that dog.
306
00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:13,963
I'm so glad you said that.
307
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,523
Why did we get her?
308
00:12:15,563 --> 00:12:17,123
Because that bitch
from the shelter told us
309
00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:18,483
they were going
to have her put down
310
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:19,923
after we'd already
tickled her belly,
311
00:12:19,963 --> 00:12:21,243
which is basically
entrapment.
312
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,763
[tapping]
313
00:12:26,363 --> 00:12:27,803
Dad, you don't need to--
314
00:12:27,843 --> 00:12:29,603
Just a-- a little toast
315
00:12:29,643 --> 00:12:31,363
to the newest member
of the family.
316
00:12:31,403 --> 00:12:34,323
And fair play to Sharon.
317
00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,563
She never gave up hope.
318
00:12:36,603 --> 00:12:39,243
She watched each and every
one of her peers
319
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:41,523
up and leave the disco
to settle down.
320
00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:44,003
Even her baby brother
beat her to the punch.
321
00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:46,683
For a long time
we thought, That's it.
322
00:12:46,723 --> 00:12:48,843
She's missed her chance,
323
00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:51,603
but she'll always
have her career
324
00:12:51,643 --> 00:12:54,443
which she would explain
to us was her baby.
325
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,923
You hear a woman say that,
326
00:12:55,963 --> 00:12:58,043
and then you watch
their features harden
327
00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,403
and the rump widen,
328
00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:01,003
and you think,
That's it now.
329
00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:02,883
She's out to pasture.
330
00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:05,003
But then Rob came along--
331
00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:07,243
uh, broken in his own way.
332
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,923
And when Sharon and Rob
began their journey,
333
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,763
we all thought it had about
as much chance of lasting
334
00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:14,323
as a fart in a storm.
335
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:17,523
No, not one single person
thought it would last,
336
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,283
least of all your mother.
337
00:13:19,323 --> 00:13:22,283
- [laughter]
- But they've proved us
all wrong.
338
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:25,403
And here we are amongst
a growing family,
339
00:13:25,443 --> 00:13:27,803
and it's wonderful.
340
00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:30,203
Just wonderful.
341
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,043
To Bridget and Rob.
342
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,763
Who the fuck is Bridget?
343
00:13:43,163 --> 00:13:44,563
Bridget and Rob.
344
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,643
So you guys are in Dublin?
345
00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:49,403
No, West Meath.
It's a lovely--
346
00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:50,883
How far is that from Dublin?
347
00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:52,803
Well, about 40 miles
down the moor--
348
00:13:52,843 --> 00:13:55,163
Riverdance.
Is that West Meath?
349
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:57,243
No, I don't think so.
350
00:13:57,283 --> 00:13:58,563
Well, he is Irish, right?
351
00:13:58,603 --> 00:13:59,963
- Right.
- You know what?
352
00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:02,443
I saw him dance. I wept.
353
00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:05,443
In my panties.
354
00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:08,323
You know, I would love
355
00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,163
to visit you in Dublin.
356
00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:13,403
Should I? I mean, I have
an open-ended ticket, so--
357
00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:16,243
Well, I should clear away.
358
00:14:17,363 --> 00:14:18,683
Mum,
359
00:14:18,723 --> 00:14:20,043
you don't need
to worry about that.
360
00:14:20,083 --> 00:14:21,563
Ah, well,
somebody has to.
361
00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:25,403
Sharon.
362
00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:26,483
Is the baby okay?
363
00:14:26,523 --> 00:14:27,723
There's blood
in this nappy.
364
00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,003
- Huh?
- [baby crying]
365
00:14:29,043 --> 00:14:30,163
Oh, that's fine.
It's one of mine.
366
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,323
Can you keep an eye
on Frankie for a minute?
367
00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:35,803
I'm going to go
check on Muireann.
368
00:14:35,843 --> 00:14:36,843
- Okay.
- [crying continues]
369
00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:37,923
Because she's crying.
370
00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:39,683
Okay.
371
00:14:41,203 --> 00:14:42,963
Rob.
372
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:45,123
Do you think it's a bad time
for me to pop to IKEA?
373
00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:56,163
Rob's mum seems really nice.
374
00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:58,483
Yeah, she's one of humanity's
brightest lights.
375
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,963
I'm really glad she's here,
and I hope she never leaves.
376
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:03,763
So what's going on
with Dad?
377
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,043
Have you changed
your name to Bridget
378
00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:06,483
and I don't know
about it?
379
00:15:06,523 --> 00:15:07,843
I don't know
what's wrong with him.
380
00:15:07,883 --> 00:15:09,363
He's had five cans
of Stag, maybe.
381
00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:10,763
I mean,
is he losing it?
382
00:15:10,803 --> 00:15:12,523
I would have put money
on Mum to go first.
383
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:15,123
Fergal, maybe I don't--
I can't--
384
00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,363
My tits are leaking.
385
00:15:16,403 --> 00:15:18,243
Three people in this
house wear nappies.
386
00:15:18,283 --> 00:15:20,003
I'm one of them. I have
to keep babies alive,
387
00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:21,723
so I'm going to be able
to think about other people
388
00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:24,763
in about six months or so.
Can you deal with it?
389
00:15:24,803 --> 00:15:26,683
Yeah, yeah.
I'll fix his dementia.
390
00:15:26,723 --> 00:15:28,163
Thank you.
391
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,243
Where's Frankie?
392
00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:50,203
- Where's Frankie?
- What do you mean?
393
00:15:50,243 --> 00:15:51,883
What do I mean?
Where's your son?
394
00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:53,643
The front door was open
Honey, wake up.
395
00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,243
- I asked you to watch him--
- Yeah, and I was--
396
00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:56,443
- What?
- I don't know.
397
00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:57,923
- Where's Frankie?
- What?
398
00:15:57,963 --> 00:15:59,523
- Where's the baby?
- Frankie.
399
00:15:59,563 --> 00:16:01,643
- Sharon: Frankie!
- Rob: Frankie!
400
00:16:01,683 --> 00:16:03,323
Sharon: Frankie!
401
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,683
Somebody's had an accident.
402
00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:07,203
He's there.
403
00:16:07,243 --> 00:16:10,083
He's crapped himself.
404
00:16:10,123 --> 00:16:12,843
Jesus Christ, you nearly
gave me a heart attack.
405
00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:15,963
Why, can't a
grandmother spend time
with her grandson?
406
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:18,043
Mia, you've been here
three weeks.
407
00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,563
You've barely
registered his existence.
408
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,883
Oh, please.
This is the first
day since I got here
409
00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:23,443
that you haven't
slept till 11.
410
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,683
- What?
- You treat Rob
like a hired hand.
411
00:16:26,723 --> 00:16:28,003
Knock it off, Mom.
412
00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:29,843
I think you might be
more comfortable
413
00:16:29,883 --> 00:16:31,123
in a hotel.
414
00:16:31,163 --> 00:16:32,723
Well, probably.
At least there
415
00:16:32,763 --> 00:16:34,443
I'd get clean sheets
now and then.
416
00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:35,763
Don't be an asshole, Mom.
417
00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:37,123
Oh, she's not
an asshole.
418
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,203
She's an hemorrhoid
on an asshole.
419
00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:41,723
You are a malevolent
hemorrhoid of a woman.
420
00:16:41,763 --> 00:16:44,323
You can take it down a few
notches, too, all right?
421
00:16:44,363 --> 00:16:46,643
Your parents
have been here 25 times
in the last three months,
422
00:16:46,683 --> 00:16:48,163
and any complaints I've had--
423
00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:49,763
which, by the way, Carol,
have been barely any--
424
00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:51,163
I've delivered to you
in private.
425
00:16:51,203 --> 00:16:52,923
I haven't nailed them
to the church door.
426
00:16:55,123 --> 00:16:57,363
Where's Muireann?
Where-- Where's Muireann?
427
00:16:57,403 --> 00:16:59,123
She's upstairs.
But even if she wasn't,
428
00:16:59,163 --> 00:17:01,443
I couldn't call out her name
because I can't pronounce it.
429
00:17:01,483 --> 00:17:02,763
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
430
00:17:02,803 --> 00:17:04,203
Please, anyone,
help me out here.
431
00:17:04,243 --> 00:17:06,043
Can anyone pronounce
my baby's name?
432
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,723
- Muireann.
- Not you people.
The other people.
433
00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:10,723
- Morty.
- Marian.
434
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,203
Myron.
435
00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:13,363
[Sharon scoffs]
436
00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:15,043
Well, that is--
437
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:16,443
That's--
438
00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:18,763
Just keep the fucking
front door shut.
439
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,843
Sorry.
440
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,923
- You okay?
- No.
441
00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:35,243
Will you ask
everyone to leave?
442
00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:36,843
No.
443
00:17:36,883 --> 00:17:38,963
If they're still here
in an hour, will you?
444
00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:41,883
Yes. I'm sorry
I freaked out.
445
00:17:43,723 --> 00:17:46,323
Can you really not
pronounce her name?
446
00:17:46,363 --> 00:17:48,243
It's not like some
African tribal language
447
00:17:48,283 --> 00:17:50,323
with clicks in it.
It's just Irish.
448
00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:51,643
It's just easy.
449
00:17:51,683 --> 00:17:54,203
I'll get it.
I will get there.
450
00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:57,803
Muireann
is a beautiful name.
451
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,683
I'm sorry I called
your mother a hemorrhoid.
452
00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:06,883
That's okay. I mean,
best case scenario,
453
00:18:06,923 --> 00:18:08,963
she's so upset
she leaves.
454
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,563
Worst case scenario,
she kills herself.
455
00:18:11,603 --> 00:18:13,363
then I can finally
be free.
456
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:18,443
For God's sake.
457
00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:23,603
- Rob Norris.
- Christ. Hey, Dave.
458
00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:24,803
Is this yours?
459
00:18:24,843 --> 00:18:26,083
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's--
460
00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,523
Right. Okay. Because, uh,
461
00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:29,363
I found it next to that.
462
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,363
- Oh, Christ.
- Oh, shit, man.
463
00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:35,603
Your wee doggie's
been hurt.
464
00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:36,643
Fuck.
465
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:41,923
Excuse me.
466
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:44,203
Hey, Des,
467
00:18:44,243 --> 00:18:45,443
what are you doing
out here?
468
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:46,443
Oh.
469
00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:50,883
Just...
looking at the house.
470
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:54,363
It's a lovely house
when you look at it
from this angle.
471
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,603
Yeah. Do you want
to come back inside?
472
00:18:57,643 --> 00:18:59,043
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
473
00:19:01,643 --> 00:19:04,283
You go in, man. I'll find
somewhere to stash it.
474
00:19:04,323 --> 00:19:06,003
Thanks.
475
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,843
What's happened
to your dog?
476
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:17,883
To everything
there is a season.
477
00:19:20,763 --> 00:19:26,203
Okay. 3, 2, 1. Ta-da!
478
00:19:26,243 --> 00:19:27,643
Sharon: What the hell?
479
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:30,563
Where'd you get that photo?
480
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,243
Rob texted it to me
right after she was born.
481
00:19:32,283 --> 00:19:34,323
That's my aureole.
You can see my veins.
482
00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:36,323
What? It's perfectly natural.
483
00:19:36,363 --> 00:19:38,563
I don't know
if it is on a cake.
484
00:19:38,603 --> 00:19:42,243
♪ Whale noses big
as babies' faces ♪
485
00:19:42,283 --> 00:19:44,003
Everybody.
486
00:19:44,043 --> 00:19:46,563
You're looking after
this big fella, then?
487
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,643
- Oh, I'm fine.
- He's fine.
488
00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:50,403
I'm going to give you
a piece of advice.
489
00:19:50,443 --> 00:19:52,763
After your brother
was born
490
00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:55,763
and your father and I had
a bit of a rough patch,
491
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:58,483
we decided that we had to put
our love for each other
492
00:19:58,523 --> 00:20:00,123
above everything else
493
00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:01,963
because we were man and wife
494
00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:03,923
before we were
mother and father.
495
00:20:03,963 --> 00:20:07,323
Right. So you chose
to love Dad more than us.
496
00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:10,123
Oh, no.
Just to love him first.
497
00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:12,443
It's the same
with me and Milandra.
498
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:17,403
Where's the dog?
499
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,043
[clicking tongue]
500
00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:22,683
Mabel. [clicking tongue]
Mabel!
501
00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,803
I'm sorry, honey.
502
00:20:24,843 --> 00:20:26,603
I'm not crying
about the dog.
503
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,323
Why are you crying?
504
00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:30,683
Everyone's still here.
505
00:20:30,723 --> 00:20:32,843
Why won't they leave?
506
00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,603
- Well--
- And in case
you haven't noticed,
507
00:20:34,643 --> 00:20:36,603
my dad's losing
his fucking marbles.[toilet flushes]
508
00:20:36,643 --> 00:20:38,923
He left the door open.
The dog's dead.
509
00:20:38,963 --> 00:20:40,763
It could have been Frankie.
510
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,723
I'm sorry
I left the door open.
511
00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,323
No, no, no, no.
512
00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:48,003
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
513
00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:49,403
Please don't worry.
514
00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:51,283
We were going to have
her put down anyway.
515
00:20:51,323 --> 00:20:52,643
I'm just glad you're here.
516
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,123
Tried to find a bit of the cake
without your nipple in it.
517
00:20:57,163 --> 00:20:58,603
Harder than it sounds.
518
00:21:01,683 --> 00:21:05,803
I think it may have
been irresponsible
for us to procreate.
519
00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:07,003
Okay.
520
00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:08,763
You're an alcoholic.
521
00:21:08,803 --> 00:21:10,763
Your mother's
a card-carrying sadist.
522
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,163
My dad can't remember my name.
523
00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,523
Fergal-- Well,
nothing's been diagnosed,
524
00:21:14,563 --> 00:21:16,883
but, you know, there's
obviously a few things
wrong there.
525
00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:18,643
It's not looking good.
526
00:21:18,683 --> 00:21:20,403
Thank God you're so normal.
527
00:21:20,443 --> 00:21:23,603
[chuckle] What did you think
about what my mother was saying
528
00:21:23,643 --> 00:21:25,803
about loving each other
more than the kids?
529
00:21:25,843 --> 00:21:27,683
I think there's something
wrong with her.
530
00:21:27,723 --> 00:21:30,483
Okay, good. I was
worried it was just me.
531
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,883
I just think if you don't
love the kids more than me,
532
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,603
then you're not fit
to be a mother.
533
00:21:34,643 --> 00:21:36,083
Of course I love them
more than you.
534
00:21:36,123 --> 00:21:38,083
I'm not a sociopath.
535
00:21:38,123 --> 00:21:39,603
I haven't even bonded
with my baby,
536
00:21:39,643 --> 00:21:41,083
and I still love her
more than you.
537
00:21:41,123 --> 00:21:42,723
You haven't bonded
with the baby?
538
00:21:43,883 --> 00:21:45,323
- No.
- Do you think
539
00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:47,763
you might have a little
post-natal depression?
540
00:21:47,803 --> 00:21:49,763
I don't know. No.
541
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:51,363
I don't know. I--
542
00:21:51,403 --> 00:21:53,683
This is going to sound
awful, but...
543
00:21:53,723 --> 00:21:55,283
I just worry that I
don't love Muireann
544
00:21:55,323 --> 00:21:56,563
the way I love Frankie.
545
00:21:56,603 --> 00:21:58,203
Is that why you gave her
a crazy name?
546
00:22:00,843 --> 00:22:04,123
I-- Just the minute
she came out,
547
00:22:04,163 --> 00:22:05,843
she scared me.
548
00:22:05,883 --> 00:22:07,523
She looked like an alien.
549
00:22:07,563 --> 00:22:09,523
Frankie was beautiful.
Even the day he was born,
550
00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:13,123
he was just this tiny
beautiful little bean.
551
00:22:13,163 --> 00:22:16,723
He weighed 4 pounds.
He was almost dark red.
552
00:22:16,763 --> 00:22:18,243
And he had a hairy back.
553
00:22:18,283 --> 00:22:19,563
He was a monster.
554
00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:21,323
I don't remember that.
555
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,523
You don't think she seems--
556
00:22:24,563 --> 00:22:26,163
What?
557
00:22:26,203 --> 00:22:28,043
Manipulative.
558
00:22:28,083 --> 00:22:29,643
Like she's plotting
something.
559
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:31,443
I don't get that sense, no.
560
00:22:33,363 --> 00:22:35,043
You don't think you'll
do anything, do you?
561
00:22:35,083 --> 00:22:36,203
No.
562
00:22:36,243 --> 00:22:37,883
Okay.
563
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:40,003
Well, what you're going
through isn't rare,
564
00:22:40,043 --> 00:22:43,043
- so-- Oh, shit.
- What?
565
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,883
I forgot
to bag up the dog.
566
00:22:44,923 --> 00:22:47,403
Oh, shit. Are we
going to bury him?
567
00:22:47,443 --> 00:22:49,283
I think I'll just
throw her away.
568
00:22:49,323 --> 00:22:51,723
I mean,
she's small enough.
569
00:22:51,763 --> 00:22:53,083
She was a good dog.
570
00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:54,283
She was the best.
571
00:23:03,323 --> 00:23:05,643
[baby crying]
572
00:23:20,163 --> 00:23:23,403
♪♪ [Woman vocalizing]
573
00:23:54,203 --> 00:23:55,163
[vocalizing stops]
574
00:23:59,883 --> 00:24:01,483
Everything okay, Rob?
575
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,403
Oh, yeah. uh, great.
576
00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:04,923
H-How are you?
38533
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