Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

♪ ♪

(water splashing)

‐(soft harp music) ‐What?

♪ ♪

(ethereal music)

What an extraordinary fish.

Now, I shan't succumb to the sin of pride

and actually keep it.

Instead, I'll put it back into the water

and wait for some bony, old, normal fish.

(splashing)

♪ ♪

(soft moan)

♪ ♪

I am the spirit of the lake.

For sparing my life, I shall grant you a wish.

Riches worthy of a king,

world domination,

godlike powers.

Thank you, kind spirit...

‐Hmm. ‐But, you see,

I'm but a humble fisherman.

Therefore, I shall ask for nothing.

N‐nothing?

Okay.

Um, to be honest,

I find that deeply problematic.

You...what?

So, okay, this is something that only happens,

like, once every thousand years...

‐Oh‐‐ ‐And it's‐‐

it's like you're so privileged

that you're not even gonna wish for anything.

‐FISHERMAN: Well, w‐‐ ‐I'm sorry.

I find that kind of gross.

I'm from, like, a humble village.

We're content to live our simple lives.

‐You know? ‐(laughs) Okay.

‐Do you have... ‐FISHERMAN: No‐‐

Any idea how many

starving fishermen there are out there...

‐FISHERMAN: Yeah, well‐‐ ‐Who would give anything,

literally anything, for even half of one of these wishes?

Of course. I mean, I'll just wish, in that case,

for no fisherman to ever starve again.

(scoffs) Okay, no. Sorry.

I mean, la‐di‐da.

FISHERMAN: I thought that's what you wanted me to‐‐

No, let's all bow down at the feet

of this great savior over here.

(mockingly) "Oh, thank you. Thank you."

Oh, this is‐‐I'm really‐‐

"Thanks for helping the fishermen."

Do you think you could wish for something

that is not, like, um, extremely patronizing?

How's about...a sausage?

‐What is wrong with you? ‐(fisherman stammering)

Can you not just ask for an infinite number of wishes

‐like everybody else does? ‐Look, look.

I'm just trying to do the right thing, okay?

(exasperated sigh) Fine.

Here's your sausage.

‐I'm being humble. ‐Yeah, whatever, mate.

(ethereal music)

♪ ♪

Twat.

(jaunty instrumental music)

‐FISHERMAN: Humble day. ‐Humble day yourself.

Could I have a small tier of ale?

One ale, coming up.

What's that in your hand?

Oh, this? Oh, it's a sausage.

I got it from this spirit.

Um, it's quite a good story, actually.

BARTENDER: A sausage?

‐(patrons gasping) ‐Did you just say "a sausage"?

‐(patrons exclaiming) ‐Sort of. I mean, well, yeah.

Because I find that very, very problematic.

‐Well‐‐well‐‐ ‐No, listen.

Don't you see how privileged you are?

(groans)

Waving an entire sausage around

like it's nothing?

But the spirit actually told me‐‐

Stop name‐dropping the spirit of the lake, Ernald.

You take responsibility for your sausage.

What, you think you're better than me now, do ya?

I'm content just chewing this old log.

(patrons exclaiming agreement)

Guys, I realize the sausage doesn't look good,

but, obviously, I'm happy to share it.

We don't indulge in your charcuteries.

(patrons exclaiming agreement)

I mean, what's next?

A normal glass of clean water?

‐Where does it end, Ernald? ‐ERNALD: No, no.

Of course not.

The sausage is a one‐time thing.

It's not who I am.

Ernald, Ernald, Ernald, I‐‐

(sighs)

I just think you're not understanding.

Right? Humility.

It's so important for any truly decent, loving community

where everyone belongs...

And that's why you don't belong here!

Now get out! Go on, get out!

‐(patrons shouting) ‐ERNALD: Well‐‐well, no‐‐

‐(overlapping chatter) ‐No, listen. Come‐‐hey, hey.

Yeah, get out!

(door slams)

(door slams)

Ernald, of all people...

Brings me great shame

to think I ever called him my son.

‐(jaunty music) ‐(distant screaming)

Ernald, you and your prideful sausage

have brought shame upon our village.

I'm sure you understand.

We'll have to banish you into the woods...

‐But why? ‐Forever.

(stammering) But we can give it to charity.

Ernald...

ERNALD: We can still make something positive from this.

Ernald, it's too late.

The consensus is... you're just a dick now.

(pensive music)

♪ ♪

ERNALD: All those years in the forest...

it changed me,

and that's how I became this dreadful, evil

forest demon who loves sausages

and doesn't care what anyone says.

(chomps)

Mmm...charcuteries.

♪ ♪

So yeah, I mean, just wanna say thanks,

and it's nice, you know.

I mean, I feel very welcome here

in your community, so yeah, thanks, guys.

‐(applause) ‐(overlapping responses)

Of course.

People are so sensitive these days.

‐Right? ‐ERNALD: Yeah.

‐Exactly. ‐(overlapping chatter)

‐These bloody libtards. ‐I mean, even, like,

the smallest thing just sets them off.

Thank you.

(overlapping chatter)

I mean, personally, me, I steal,

and I eat innocent children for fun...

‐(baby wails) ‐And, apparently,

that makes me problematic.

‐At the end of the day... ‐(Ernald gasps)

You just‐‐you can't let it get to you.

It really makes one appreciate...

(slurps loudly)

Meeting, you know, like‐minded people...

(slurps)

Like you, Ernald.

I burn down people's homes,

and people get so over‐sensitive about it.

I mean, come on, it's just a house

and the people inside it.

Yeah, okay, I cut people's heads off

because I don't like heads.

That's just the look I like.

Yes, I want to murder everyone in the world,

but I'm still a good father.

(overlapping chatter)

(sinister music)

♪ ♪

Would you like to sip some blood from this dead boy?

Half the dead boy?

No, I'm‐‐I'm‐‐I'm fine.

‐(jaunty music) ‐(distant screaming)