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1
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(dramatic music)
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♪ ♪
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(water splashing)
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‐(soft harp music)
‐What?
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♪ ♪
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(ethereal music)
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What an extraordinary fish.
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Now, I shan't succumb
to the sin of pride
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and actually keep it.
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Instead, I'll put it back
into the water
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and wait for some bony,
old, normal fish.
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(splashing)
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♪ ♪
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(soft moan)
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♪ ♪
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I am the spirit of the lake.
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For sparing my life,
I shall grant you a wish.
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Riches worthy of a king,
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world domination,
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godlike powers.
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Thank you, kind spirit...
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‐Hmm.
‐But, you see,
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I'm but a humble fisherman.
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Therefore, I shall ask
for nothing.
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N‐nothing?
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Okay.
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Um, to be honest,
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I find that deeply problematic.
29
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You...what?
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So, okay, this is something
that only happens,
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like, once
every thousand years...
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‐Oh‐‐
‐And it's‐‐
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it's like you're so privileged
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that you're not even
gonna wish for anything.
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‐FISHERMAN: Well, w‐‐
‐I'm sorry.
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I find that kind of gross.
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I'm from, like,
a humble village.
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We're content
to live our simple lives.
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‐You know?
‐(laughs) Okay.
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‐Do you have...
‐FISHERMAN: No‐‐
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Any idea how many
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starving fishermen
there are out there...
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‐FISHERMAN: Yeah, well‐‐
‐Who would give anything,
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literally anything, for even
half of one of these wishes?
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Of course. I mean,
I'll just wish, in that case,
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for no fisherman
to ever starve again.
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(scoffs)
Okay, no. Sorry.
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I mean, la‐di‐da.
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FISHERMAN: I thought
that's what you wanted me to‐‐
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No, let's all bow down
at the feet
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of this great savior over here.
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(mockingly)
"Oh, thank you. Thank you."
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Oh, this is‐‐I'm really‐‐
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"Thanks for helping
the fishermen."
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Do you think
you could wish for something
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that is not, like, um,
extremely patronizing?
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How's about...a sausage?
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‐What is wrong with you?
‐(fisherman stammering)
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Can you not just ask for
an infinite number of wishes
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‐like everybody else does?
‐Look, look.
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I'm just trying
to do the right thing, okay?
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(exasperated sigh)
Fine.
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Here's your sausage.
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‐I'm being humble.
‐Yeah, whatever, mate.
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(ethereal music)
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♪ ♪
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Twat.
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(jaunty instrumental music)
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‐FISHERMAN: Humble day.
‐Humble day yourself.
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Could I have
a small tier of ale?
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One ale, coming up.
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What's that in your hand?
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Oh, this?
Oh, it's a sausage.
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I got it from this spirit.
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Um, it's quite a good story,
actually.
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BARTENDER: A sausage?
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‐(patrons gasping)
‐Did you just say "a sausage"?
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‐(patrons exclaiming)
‐Sort of. I mean, well, yeah.
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Because I find that
very, very problematic.
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‐Well‐‐well‐‐
‐No, listen.
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Don't you see
how privileged you are?
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(groans)
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Waving an entire
sausage around
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like it's nothing?
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But the spirit
actually told me‐‐
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Stop name‐dropping the spirit
of the lake, Ernald.
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You take responsibility
for your sausage.
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What, you think you're
better than me now, do ya?
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I'm content
just chewing this old log.
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(patrons exclaiming agreement)
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Guys, I realize
the sausage doesn't look good,
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but, obviously,
I'm happy to share it.
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We don't indulge
in your charcuteries.
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(patrons exclaiming agreement)
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I mean, what's next?
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A normal glass of clean water?
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‐Where does it end, Ernald?
‐ERNALD: No, no.
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Of course not.
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The sausage
is a one‐time thing.
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It's not who I am.
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Ernald, Ernald, Ernald, I‐‐
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(sighs)
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I just think
you're not understanding.
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Right? Humility.
105
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It's so important for any
truly decent, loving community
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where everyone belongs...
107
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And that's why you
don't belong here!
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Now get out!
Go on, get out!
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‐(patrons shouting)
‐ERNALD: Well‐‐well, no‐‐
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‐(overlapping chatter)
‐No, listen. Come‐‐hey, hey.
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Yeah, get out!
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(door slams)
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(door slams)
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Ernald, of all people...
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Brings me great shame
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to think I ever
called him my son.
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‐(jaunty music)
‐(distant screaming)
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Ernald, you
and your prideful sausage
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have brought shame
upon our village.
120
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I'm sure you understand.
121
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We'll have to banish you
into the woods...
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‐But why?
‐Forever.
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(stammering)
But we can give it to charity.
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Ernald...
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ERNALD: We can still make
something positive from this.
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Ernald, it's too late.
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The consensus is...
you're just a dick now.
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(pensive music)
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♪ ♪
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ERNALD: All those years
in the forest...
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it changed me,
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and that's how I became
this dreadful, evil
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forest demon
who loves sausages
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and doesn't care
what anyone says.
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(chomps)
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Mmm...charcuteries.
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♪ ♪
138
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So yeah, I mean,
just wanna say thanks,
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and it's nice, you know.
140
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I mean, I feel
very welcome here
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in your community,
so yeah, thanks, guys.
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‐(applause)
‐(overlapping responses)
143
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Of course.
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People are so sensitive
these days.
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‐Right?
‐ERNALD: Yeah.
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‐Exactly.
‐(overlapping chatter)
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‐These bloody libtards.
‐I mean, even, like,
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the smallest thing
just sets them off.
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Thank you.
150
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(overlapping chatter)
151
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I mean, personally, me,
I steal,
152
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and I eat innocent children
for fun...
153
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‐(baby wails)
‐And, apparently,
154
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that makes me problematic.
155
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‐At the end of the day...
‐(Ernald gasps)
156
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You just‐‐you can't
let it get to you.
157
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It really makes one
appreciate...
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(slurps loudly)
159
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Meeting, you know,
like‐minded people...
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(slurps)
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Like you, Ernald.
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I burn down people's homes,
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and people get so
over‐sensitive about it.
164
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I mean, come on,
it's just a house
165
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and the people inside it.
166
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,758
Yeah, okay,
I cut people's heads off
167
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because I don't like heads.
168
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,327
That's just the look I like.
169
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Yes, I want to murder
everyone in the world,
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but I'm still a good father.
171
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(overlapping chatter)
172
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(sinister music)
173
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♪ ♪
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Would you like to sip
some blood from this dead boy?
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Half the dead boy?
176
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No, I'm‐‐I'm‐‐I'm fine.
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‐(jaunty music)
‐(distant screaming)
12562
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