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Well, what do you think? Is she woman or is she wax?

Hey, what is this? Break it up, break it up!

Tony, please go away. Please, Tony. - He can't say things about my wife.

But that's the store detective you hit. Now will you go?

Good grief. - Hurry, darling.

Darling, are you alright? - Oh sure. It's nothing.

Sorry, Marge. That guy said things .. - I know.

He was arrested. - Well, he should have been.

But I got fired. I am no longer reposing on my sweet repose.

On account of me?

Oh, the man just said I spoiled everything.

Tony, did you find anything today?

You sure married the wrong guy, honey.

Tony, I never want to hear you say that again.

It's just the wrong season for the show business, Tony.

But we'll get something.

At least in the meanwhile we're eating and we have a place to live.

It isn't our place, is it.

No, it isn't our place.

But Tony, I wish ..

It's awful being married and we can't tell anybody.

You'd think there was something immoral about being married.

Well.

All of us promised not to fall in love.

I do hate to think what would happen if the rest of them found we got married.

Yes. Me too.

It won't be forever, honey.

After Mr Kenny has seen us in our play and everybody has got a job.

We can yell it from the house tops.

From the Empire State Building.

Hiya, kids.

Hello, Norman. - How do, boy?

Well, I got terrific news.

You know that juvenile part in Love By Night?

Yeah.

I didn't get it.

Well, let's go home shall we.

You should have seen the juvenile that got the part.

Juvenile? Ye gods, they had to carry him up on the stage.

He must have been forty years old.

Forty? - Yeah.

Don't they realize audiences like to see young people playing young people.

When Arthur Kenny comes back maybe it will be different.

He believes in new faces.

Well, ours are certainly new. - Yeah. And that's another thing.

The biggest producer ..

Out scouring the straw-hat circuit for new talent when New York is full of it.

Yeah. Right in his own back yard.

Well, at least in the same apartment house.

Take it easy or the landlady will hear us.

Phew .. what a day.

Oh. Good evening. I was just waiting for you.

You are Mrs Garnet? - Yes.

The rent, you know .. - Well ..

You'll have to see Miss Coburn about that, Miss Garnet.

You know, it's her apartment. - Oh.

Sometimes I don't know just whose apartment it is.

It's very confusing.

Well it confuses us too sometimes, Mr Garnet.

I know just how you feel.

The last time I mentioned the rent.

Miss Coburn said she was expecting a check from her father.

Oh, that.

Oh yes, that.

Well, that was dreadful.

It was?

You see ..

Mr Coburn was in an accident.

He was?

Oh yes.

Yes. You see he was rushing to the bedside of his dying brother and ..

And the car got smashed up, so ..

Dottie had to send him the money to ..

Get him out of jail.

Why, she did perfectly right.

Heavens, how horrible.

We knew you'd feel that way, Mrs Garnet.

Mrs Garnet, that is Mr Kenny's apartment isn't it?

Why, sure it is.

Did it mean anything, your being in there?

Is he back in town, Mrs Garnet?

Who? - Mr Kenny.

Oh.

Well, if he isn't coming back ..

What were you doing in his apartment?

Oh, oh.

I was getting it ready for a Mr Kenny.

The producer, you know.

That's why we asked you, Mr Garnet.

Is Mr Kenny back?

Ask her slower. - I'm sure I don't know.

I simply got a telephone call to get his apartment ready.

Did Mr Kenny call you himself?

Oh .. no.

Dear me. I hope he'll be alright.

Who?

Why, Mr Coburn's brother. - Why?

Oh. Oh yes, we hope so too.

Hello George.

Hello, my dear.

Hi, George.

Hello George. - Hello.

Hey, Norm. Look at this.

It certainly never gets tiresome with George around here.

You never know when you come home who he'll be.

You see, I'm supposed to be an old man. - Not supposed to be.

You are an old man.

What does Stanislavsky say about that?

Is Kate home yet?

Yes, my dear. She's here.

Say old man, has the laundry come back?

Not yet.

But I'm waiting for it to walk in any minute.

I can certainly use a shirt.

Tough. Walking around town with your ..

Coat buttoned up to your nose.

Any mail?

Yeah, you got it.

I did? - You sure did.

Good grief.

Army, huh? - Yeah.

What, for your physical?

Well, maybe they won't take you.

What do you mean, not take him? He's not married or anything.

Why shouldn't they take him?

Maybe they won't.

For instance, I took my physical today.

How did they classify you? - 5G.

5G?

I didn't know there was such a thing.

That's what the doctor said that examined me.

Look, there is no use in getting the girls upset is there?

Don't mention my getting this, will you.

Anyway, until I find out you know.

Well, okay.

Thanks.

Do you think he was acting funny?

He's been acting funny a lot lately.

You know what I think?

What?

I think the guy is in the mood.

In love.

Oh don't be adolescent.

We made a deal didn't we? - Just the same.

If I thought he'd pull a stunt like that, I'd break his neck.

So help me, I'd break his neck.

All clear, Mr Kenny.

Clumsy. Careful.

These are aluminium. Illegal or something.

Oh.

Welcome home. - Why, thank you.

Listen my bird-brained beauty, you're not to tell anyone I'm here tonight.

Understand?

Why, it's Mr Kenny, isn't it?

Shush. When I'm here I'm strictly incognito.

Please remember that. - You're what, Mr Kenny?

Incognito.

This is a respectable house, Mr Kenny.

I'll have you remember that.

Don't think you can come here and do as you please, you know.

To think after 15 years of conversations with you I would have learned better.

Yes, you really would.

Wouldn't he.

Quite.

Hey, Norm.

I've been reading that Stanislavsky book like you said but I still don't get it.

He sounds like a screwball to me.

Look, George.

Stanislavsky is the greatest exponent of the art of acting there has ever been.

He's sound. He says simply this.

Don't pretend to be a character, be it. Live it.

Only then can you ..

Yeah, sure. But some of the things he gives you to practice on like ..

'Pretend you are an apple ripening on a tree'.

Now how in the .. - No George. No.

Not pretend.

Be an apple ripening on the tree.

Be it. Feel the seed inside of you.

Only one seed?

Well ..

How do I know how many seeds you got? You're the apple, not me.

Look.

Feel your seeds inside of you.

Feel the sun beating down and your flesh getting soft.

You skin about to burst. Getting beautiful red streaks on it.

Gee.

What do I do when I'm real ripe?

What do you do? You fall from the tree. Kerplunk.

A rosy sphere of lusciousness.

Why, Norman.

It's alright. I was only trying to help you.

No, no. I was only kidding. Maybe I should try it.

If I only had a tree.

If you only had a tree?

What does Stanislavsky say about that?

Improvise.

There is your tree.

Isn't it pretty.

Well, fancy my missing that and it's been here in the room all the time.

You're sure it's an apple tree?

I'm afraid you don't have it, George.

Oh yes, I do. You just wait and see.

In just a little while, I'll be the rosiest thing you've ever seen.

How you do?

I was looking for Dottie Coburn.

So was I .. about the rent, you know.

How do you do?

I'm Muriel Foster.

What are you doing up there?

Shush.

I think I just felt a seed.

Two, I think.

Two beautiful little seeds.

Does Miss Dottie Coburn live here?

Do you notice any red streaks?

I say, I am Muriel Foster.

I went to school with Dottie in Hoopsville, Illinois.

Ooh!

What's the matter?

You know. I think I've just been double-crossed by a bee.

I don't know or understand anything what you are talking about. All I ..

I must have been crossed with some strange tropical fruit.

No northern apple ever felt like this.

Well. I guess I must be in the wrong apartment.

But Dottie said it was this address.

We'll have a little rehearsal before supper.

We could use some work on that second act scene.

Yep, there it is.

I beg your pardon ..

Now, there you are. What happened to that corpse?

You mean that ratty old corpse, sir?

It disappeared. - Aha.

I'm not sure that you are entirely without blame.

Why should I want to murder that poor unfortunate girl?

If I only knew that.

Oh. - It's alright.

Now then. What happened?

Excuse me. Is Miss Coburn here?

Don't know a thing. Never saw the girl.

It's her laundry. I paid for it.

You were here when she was stabbed in the heart.

It's a dollar .83.

Speak up, curse you.

I said it was a dollar .83.

Please. Mrs Garnet.

Nevertheless, there's strange and weird things occurring tonight in Brooklyn.

That peculiar woman. Do not speak of her.

She is good and kind and pure. She is my life.

My bright angel.

But just the same, this was a dollar .83.

Please, Mrs Garnet. We are trying to have a rehearsal.

How can we, with all the interruptions?

Oh .. you are acting?

Oh, ye Gods.

You gave us the play in the first place, didn't you?

Did I? Well, wasn't that nice.

It seems odd.

There were nine men's shirts and six pairs of pyjamas.

No shorts? - Yes.

Six female. Four male.

Good.

Well, it don't seem quite right.

When Miss Coburn took the apartment ..

She said she might have a young girl visiting her from time to time, but ..

Well .. nine men's shirts.

Nine men's shirts. That's good.

I will speak to Miss Coburn when she comes in.

I wish you would.

The laundryman looked at me so funny.

He thought it was my wash. Imagine.

I can't.

No. I tried.

But it wasn't any use.

Farewell, bright angel.

Farewell.

Say Tony, do you have two pairs of shorts in the laundry?

No. One.

They must be George's.

A girdle.

I'm ripe.

George.

George.

I'll get some water.

You and your Stanislavsky.

Listen, everybody. Guess what?

You got a job? - Dottie.

It's the most wonderful thing. - You bring the hamburger?

It isn't that.

Don't say you brought steak?

No. It's really true. Arthur Kenny is back.

Arthur Kenny?

How do you know?

Well anyway, there is a light in his apartment.

A light in his apartment.

I hope Mrs Garnet doesn't find out about this.

There is somebody down there.

Marge, Kate. Mr Kenny is back.

How do you know? - Can you see him?

No. Can you, Norm?

No, I can't see him but I can smell onions.

What do producers smell like? - Can't you see anybody?

No.

I guess Mrs Garnet just left the light on.

What are you looking at?

Who's that?

Don't ask me.

Maybe she's been here all the time and we just never noticed it.

Dottie Coburn, if you don't speak .. - Why, Muriel.

So glad to see you. When did you get in town? Do you know all these people?

Well enough, thanks.

Muriel Foster, these are my apartment mates.

You mean .. you all live here?

In one apartment?

Why not?

Well, I don't think it's right.

And I know what you do think and that isn't right either.

But what will people say?

My dear young lady.

What possible harm can result from the fact ..

That three girls and three boys share the same apartment?

We've banded here together for financial reasons.

And for no other purpose. Get it?

No other purpose.

No. But I wasn't thinking anything like .. like that.

No.

She wasn't thinking anything like .. like that.

You really are disgusting.

What if Dottie's father knew about this? - Well he doesn't know.

I said if he knew he'd be terribly upset.

But he isn't going to know, is he dear.

Is he, dear.

Well, it's none of my business if Dottie wants to live in a .. a ..

A harem?

Well, I hope it's not that bad.

Oh no, Muriel. It's fun.

I don't think so.

Oh, an isolationist, huh?

I don't suppose you've ever had any wish to be gregarious, either. Have you?

No, I haven't.

I'm leaving here this minute.

Well, Dottie will go with you to the door to be sure you get out.

I certainly don't know what your father is going to think, Dottie.

Three boys living with three girls alone.

Oh, nobody is ever alone.

You can't be with only four rooms.

Sure, there's a bathroom but with six people it's hard to even be there alone.

I don't see why it's necessary to live with three men just to get on the stage.

Oh, I don't live with three men, Muriel. The others are just Tony and George.

Oh, I see.

If we didn't live together, Norman must go back to Rhode Island ..

And stay there and finish being a dentist without any train fare.

Well, I guess I'd just die, Muriel.

Well, this is all very interesting.

And I have a very interesting surprise for you, Dottie.

You have, Muriel. What?

You'll find out.

Bye.

Hey look.

Suppose this Muriel character does tell Mr Coburn about us living together.

She can make plenty of trouble is she wants.

Yeah. And I think she wants to.

If Dottie's father stops her allowance, what will we do?

I read where they have discovered there is lots of nourishment in grass.

George .. go and get the hamburger.

Good evening, Mr Kenny.

How do you do.

Oh .. oh!

He's here. Outside. He's here! - Who?

Who?

Maybe she means Mr Kenny?

That's who we wanted to see, wasn't it? - Now wait a minute.

Are you sure?

I saw him just now by the door.

Can you see him?

He's got a big white hat on.

Yeah. I can see his head .. it's moving.

Oh, it's gone.

Ye Gods, why doesn't he stand still? - Shush. He might hear you.

Here he comes.

Oh gosh.

I could spit right on him. - Oh goodness. Don't, George.

I've never spat on a producer before.

I would adore spitting on a producer.

But not this one. He's our only chance.

If we can't get him to see us, we're sunk.

It's a fine thing. Having to see a producer through a peephole.

Well. He's down there. Let's go see him.

Not all at one. He'd think we were crazy.

Somebody should go down.

Yeah .. it should be a girl.

Producers like girls.

Oh not me. I'd be scared to death.

No, not Dottie.

She is too dumb.

I get it .. okay.

Put on something very alluring, Kate.

Let's see. I've got that dress I wore in Anybody's Woman.

It brought down the second act curtain. Remember?

Yeah.

And then the audience went home. I remember.

It's kind-of brazen, isn't it Kate?

This ain't no corn-husking dame, Marge.

Hello.

How did you get in here?

Came in through the pipes. I always do.

Well please go away. I'm busy with the bouillabaisse.

That makes a nice song title: 'Busy with a bouillabaisse'.

As a matter of fact a ballad was written to a bouillabaisse once.

Thackeray wrote it. - No?

Yes.

Can't you see anybody? - No.

You're a very pretty girl. You know that?

Thank you.

What was it you said you came here for? - We want to be an actress.

I mean: we are an actress.

I can't imagine why you came to me.

Why, you're Arthur Kenny. - Me? Oh no, no.

You're not? - No, no. I'm just a chef.

Well, couldn't you speak to him about me?

That is, if you're not afraid to.

No. I'm not afraid to speak to him. As a matter of fact he respects my judgement.

What makes you think you can act? - Well my teeth, for one thing.

See? The most beautiful teeth in America, the judge said.

Trying to bite your way into theater?

And besides that, I'm the healthiest girl in Creek County.

Where is that? - Iowa.

I was Queen of Corn at the fair.

Well, that ought to help.

Healthy, you say? - You see?

I have got something Arthur Kenny might want.

Yes, I think you have.

I mean, I think he might.

He does come here sometimes, doesn't he?

I know he doesn't live here but I've heard he visits once in a while.

I've often wondered why.

Well Arthur is a very sentimental man. You might not believe it.

He used to live here when he was very poor.

It was in this apartment that Arthur wrote his first play.

A beautiful little thing. - Was it successful?

He never had a chance to find out.

He came home one night and found he'd been locked out.

Mrs Garnet. - You know her?

I know her.

Well, his trunk was in the house and his play was in the trunk.

Later, when he came back with the money to get it, it was gone.

It was a terrible blow.

Like losing one's first child.

Where had it gone?

You said you knew Mrs Garnet.

Well, she thought she'd sold the trunk. She wasn't sure.

That's why Arthur keeps this apartment.

He comes back sometimes just to get away from everything.

He also hopes that some time Mrs Garnet will remember what became of the trunk.

Hmm. That's an awful lot to hope.

Well then of course I can, he can always cook.

You know, Arthur loves to cook.

We shall know soon now.

No?

No.

No.

Hey.

Wait a minute.

You threw it away. All that food.

Why I wouldn't feed that to my pig.

Why you capitalist. You bombastic ..

Bagpipe.

What did you call me? - Bagpipe.

You wait until I meet Arthur Kenny. I will meet Arthur Kenny.

He's not the kind of man who'd throw perfectly good food away, I'll bet.

I'll tell how you took food out of people's mouths.

I didn't take anything out of anybody's mouth.

You keep out of my mouth.

When I see those kids upstairs wrestling for a dime's worth of hamburger, I ..

Bagpipe.

Bagpipe!

Go ahead and spit.

What did he say, Kate?

Will he see us?

It wasn't him. It was his cook.

Did he say if Kenny was coming back or not?

He was only interested in cooking.

He was fish happy.

That's probably Mrs Garnet coming after the rent.

I don't suppose you happen to have a loose egg about you, do you?

What?

Well I have a rather exciting idea and I need an egg.

I haven't any loose ones.

No, I don't suppose you would have.

I've tried those people in there but there is nobody home.

Thank you.

"Man, but a rush."

"Against Othello's breast."

"And he retired."

"Where should Othello go?"

"Now."

"How dost thou look now?"

"This look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven."

"And fiends will snatch at it."

Oh!

Gee, was I that good?

What are you reading? - A letter from home.

What are you crying about?

Our prize sow ate all her new little babies.

What?

They often do that.

Very intelligent.

Something that should be practised by the human race.

Norman. Don't say things like that.

Well, I mean it.

That's the whole trouble with the world. Overpopulation. You know that.

But wouldn't the wrong people be eaten up sometimes?

Supposing Mr Kenny's mother had eaten him up when he was born?

Alright, Supposing.

Norman, please don't be morbid. It's so depressing when you get morbid.

I'm hungry.

And it's very depressing when I get hungry too.

Coming through.

I don't know what you're bellyaching about.

If it wasn't for Dottie you wouldn't be eating at all.

Did you hear that? Rubbing it in. You're paying the bills.

Please don't be mad at me, Norman.

I'll stop paying them if you want me to. - Dottie.

And let four innocent people besides ourselves starve to death?

I just don't want to do anything that would make you mad at me ever, Norman.

I'm not mad at you.

Can't you see I'm hating myself until I can hardly stand it?

Haven't you any perception at all?

I guess not, Norman.

Don't you think I know how much of a heel I am?

Letting you buy the food and ..

Pay the bills.

A girl.

I wish you didn't feel that way, Norman.

I'm happy here than I would be anywhere else in the world.

I want to be with you.

I mean, with all of you. - Well, I ..

I guess it is a little different from life in Hoopsville, Illinois.

Yes, it is.

That's why I'm always afraid that daddy might find out about us living together.

I don't think he'd like it.

No.

He is part elk and part lion.

Besides that, he is part Rotarian.

Yep.

So you can see a man like that probably wouldn't even understand ..

About you not wanting to finish being a dentist.

Please don't say that word.

I'm sorry.

But people not in the theater can't see why it means so much to people in it.

Daddy would probably think that finishing being a dent ..

D-e-n-t-i-s-t would be a very fine profession for instance.

Dottie.

Have you ever looked in somebody's mouth?

No, I don't believe I ever did.

Oh, well look in mine.

Now.

How would you like to spend the rest of your life looking at a thing like that?

I wouldn't mind.

I guess it all depends on whose angle it ..

From anybody's angle, it's horrible.

Well.

Don't you worry. We'll get a break somehow.

Yes. Somehow we'll get Mr Kenny to see our ..

He hasn't been here for weeks.

But he will be. Maybe any night now. Really he will, Norman.

If we can just hold out. - We can.

If we do, it will be due to you, Dottie.

And after I get to be a success, do you know the first thing I'm going to do?

What, Norman?

I'm going to get you front row tickets for opening night.

Get the cigarette ashes out of it.

I don't suppose anybody's heard from Tony, have they?

He's trying out for a job. Isn't that enough? He said so, didn't he?

Yes, but ..

Well I never heard of a show trying out in Monmouth New Jersey.

I can't understand ..

I suppose just because they've always opened shows in Atlantic City ..

They've got to keep on doing it for the rest of their lives, I suppose?

No. It just seems strange. He's been gone so long.

Alright. Maybe it's a good show. Have you ever thought of that?

And besides, I want Tony back here just as much as you do.

It's his turn to wash the dishes.

Don't you think he'd send notices or something if it were?

Oh for Pete's sake, so Tony isn't here.

So, we haven't heard from him. So, is that going to kill anybody?

I really ought to see Tony.

Why?

Now you've said it.

Pray it's a job. - Pray it's a job.

Shush. Wait.

Hello?

Yes. What's that?

Yes, this is Miss Coburn's apartment.

You are what? You are who?

Mister Coburn.

Mister Coburn?

You mean the Mr Coburn who is Dottie's father?

Who, me? I'm Norman.

Yeah, Norman.

Why sure, who did you think?

It's the janitor, I am.

It's after fixing a little leak in the radiator I came up about.

Yes. I imagine you'd like to be speaking to your little Chickadee, Miss Coburn?

Erin go bragh. Shamrocks and shillelaghs.

I'll fetch her.

It's your father, Dottie.

Silly. He wouldn't call long distance unless he was dead or it's serious.

It's something serious because he's on the phone.

Shush. It's Dottie's dad.

Hello? - Dottie. Be very careful.

Why it is daddy.

Well, I just said: 'why it is, daddy'. Wasn't that alright?

Why, I said it to Norman. He's the one that answered the phone.

Norman? Why .. - Tell him I'm the janitor.

He says he's the janitor.

Why don't be silly. Of course not.

In New York?

Men?

Why daddy, that's silly.

Why don't you come over and see for yourself?

Tell him to walk. It's good exercise.

Walk daddy. It's good exercise.

Alright, daddy. Hurry up. Just as fast ..

Just as slow as you can.

Alright, daddy. Goodbye.

Isn't it wonderful? Daddy is at the station and coming over.

Yes, that's just lovely.

I said that was the surprise that Muriel had for me.

Dottie, did he say he thought there were men here?

Why yes. Now, how do you suppose he knew that?

Ye Gods.

That Muriel.

I knew we should have destroyed her.

If we lose Dottie, we don't eat.

George, let's pack and get out of here. - It won't take me long to pack mine.

Dottie, get dressed up in something.

Something real feminine so you'll look like you didn't do anything.

Put on a lot of hand lotion, Dottie. - Alright.

Hurry up, boys.

These are all my things.

Yeah. Let's not be too particular about packing them.

Your coat, George. Put it in.

Overshoes? - In the kitchen.

Where is your raincoat?

Oh Kate, get my raincoat. It's in the breadbox, will you?

In the breadbox? What's it doing in the breadbox?

It keeps the bread fresh. Are you sure this is everything?

I'm surprised there is this much. - Here.

Oh, pipes.

Pipes, yeah. Girls don't smoke pipes.

Here is the bread.

If Dottie's father finds out about this he isn't going to like it.

Don't forget, tell Dottie's father she doesn't even know what a man looks like.

And that you chaperone her every minute of the time.

I'll handle it. Don't worry. Just get out of here.

Are you sure this is everything?

The laundry.

These towels. Put them in.

Oh don't be silly. Girls use towels.

Not when they're marked YMCA.

Here, here.

You must hurry. He'll be here any minute.

Oh Desdemona. Ouch.

Now listen.

We'll go to the landing across the street so we can see when he leaves.

Yeah.

Now don't forget, don't let him take Dottie away.

Yeah, tell him anything. - Anything.

How did he get here so fast?

It couldn't be.

Yeah, but it might be.

Oh Paddy, did you hear the news that's going around? Sing. Sing.

That's very pretty. I love music.

Ye Gods.

Why don't you knock when it's you?

I did knock. - Then, don't.

Don't what? - Knock.

When it isn't you.

What is it, Mrs Garnet?

It's about the rent. - Oh. The rent?

Yes. I'd like to see Miss Coburn.

Well I'm afraid you can't. Not now.

Why, isn't she here?

You see ..

She's in her room crying her eyes out.

Yes. It's about her father, you know.

Her father?

Yes, the .. accident.

Oh, yes.

It was an awful shock to her. - The poor child.

I know just what she needs. Salts.

What on earth were you talking about? - Just a little bit of Stanislavsky.

Come on, George. Let's get out of here.

Paddy, did you hear the news ..? - No.

That's the downstairs buzzer. You can still make it.

Go on up to the roof. - Yeah.

How do I look?

Don't forget, Dottie. You don't even know what a man looks like.

What in the world have you got on? - I'm feminine.

Dottie, that's my formal woman's dress.

You know, first act Anybody's Woman.

That was very feminine. I remember.

I hope this isn't the flop that show was.

Too late to do anything about it now. Your father is on the way up.

Dottie, make him let you stay here.

Say how much you love it. You'd be miserable elsewhere.

Don't mention how we have to eat.

But I do love it here. I don't want to go anywhere else.

That's it. Only put more pathos in it.

I love it here.

That's better. Now go out and make an entrance when your father comes in.

She would pull a stunt like that.

Why, hello Muriel. - Is this the place, Muriel?

This is the place.

I do hope this is Mr Coburn. - Yes.

It certainly is.

Well, come right in. - We certainly will.

Thank you.

Daddy. - Hello, Dottie.

I don't even know what a man looks like. - What did you say?

She says she hasn't seen you for so long she hardly remembers what you look like.

When did you take to wearing clothes like that?

Don't pay attention to Dottie's dress, Mr Coburn. She's rehearsing something.

I told you I had a surprise for you, Dottie.

But you should have told us.

Dottie, don you think you can introduce us to your daddy?

Oh of course. This is Kate Benson, Daddy.

I'm so glad to know you. - How do you do.

Her sister, Marge.

Dottie has told us so much about you, we feel that we've always known you.

Thank you.

Dottie didn't mention that she was living with such charming young ladies.

I think you'll find Dottie didn't mention a lot of things.

What do you mean?

Well Muriel has been telling me that .. - Yes. Where are the others?

What others?

You know what others.

We haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about.

I noticed the name card over your bell downstairs has several more names on it.

Oh that.

That's very simple to explain, isn't it, Kate?

Why yes, of course.

They're the names of the people who lived here before we moved in.

We just never thought of taking them off.

We should have thought of that. - We certainly should.

At least we thought of everything else. - Won't you sit down, Mr Coburn?

Well .. thank you, but ..

I .. well I just stopped in to see how Dottie was ..

Getting on. - I'm just fine, Daddy.

Here you are.

Smelling salts. - Not now, Mrs Garnet.

Full in, Miss Coburn. - Mrs Garnet, please.

What's the matter, here? - Who are you?

I am .. I'm Mr Coburn. Dottie's father.

Oh.

Oh.

We were so relieved to find that Mr Coburn really had no accident at all.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

But how is your brother?

Well, his rheumatism bothers him from ..

Time to time.

I know just how he feels.

You see, I often get a little pain right here.

And here. - Tell us about it later.

In the morning, it is really unbearable. - Of course it is.

Sometimes, I creak.

Who was that?

Mrs Garnet. - Our landlady.

Why did she think Daddy had an accident?

She makes up the darnedest things to talk about her rheumatism.

She lives a very narrow life. - Odd creature, isn't she.

Dottie, are you sure this is the proper place for you to be living?

The 'proper place', Mr Coburn? I don't quite understand.

Well.

Muriel here has been telling me some very strange things.

She has?

I can't imagine what you mean.

You know very well what I mean.

You know very well what Dottie is doing.

But Muriel, I don't see any evidence of ..

Evidence of what? - Well ..

Muriel was telling me about some ..

Some men sharing this apartment.

Men?

I don't even know what a man looks like.

Why, Muriel Foster.

Men?

Where did you ever get that idea?

I saw them. That's where.

Repressed, no doubt.

How old are you, Muriel? - Nineteen. But ..

It doesn't generally get them that young, does it.

Why don't you look in the other rooms?

Why yes. What room would you like to look in?

Well, I ..

You understand, I must be sure about Dottie.

Naturally. I know just how you feel.

We want to be sure about Dottie too.

Yes.

Let's start with the kitchen, shall we.

If you like.

This is the kitchen. - Well, it looks very nice.

We are particularly proud of this stove.

You see, Muriel? No men.

We'll, look in the bedrooms please.

Is that where you'd keep men if you had men, Muriel?

I've never had any men. You know it very well.

Yes indeed. We know it very well.

We can go across this way.

Daddy, this is what we always call the girls' bedroom.

Why do you always call it the girls' bedroom?

Because girls sleep here, silly.

I can't think of any other reason. Can you, Marge?

Why no. I can't think of any other reason. Can you, Dottie?

No.

Mr Coburn, shall we ..

If you like.

What's in there?

Oh, just some old clothes.

You see, dear.

No men.

Well, Dottie.

Looks to me like you've got a nice quiet place to live here.

Yes she has. Dottie loves it here. Don't you, Dottie?

Tell your Daddy how much you love it here, Dottie. You know.

I love it here.

Well Muriel, it looks to me like you've been something of an alarmist.

I have not.

You believe them and you don't believe me.

There are men living here. I saw them.

What kind of men did you see, dear?

Well, one of them was up in that window.

And he got ripe and fell out. - What?

And the other two were stabbing each other with knives.

She sounds definitely unbalanced to me.

I can't think what's happened to you, Muriel.

I don't care. I know it sounds crazy, but they are crazy.

And one of them wears a girdle.

Muriel Foster, what kind of a story is that?

It's not a story. It's true.

And what's more. They were looking at somebody through the floor.

And one of them tried to get me to be .. gregarious.

So there.

Muriel Foster. You're trying to make trouble for me with my Daddy?

Now, now, Dottie. Muriel, I should like you to leave.

I'll see you at your uncle's later and we can go into this further.

Alright. I suppose you'd like to be part of the harem.

I suppose you'd like to live here too and get ripe.

I should like you to leave, Muriel.

I can't imagine what happens to girls when they come to New York.

They seem to go all topsy-turvy, don't they.

What's that noise?

Look. Stage door. No admittance.

Oh. We seem have sprung a leak, don't we.

Old plumbing, you know.

Sounds like a big drip.

Hey, George. Norman. Where the heck is all the towels?

Well, and who are you?

Yes, and Dottie's father would like to know who you are, too.

What in the world are you doing here? - Well, I just came in to take a bath.

A likely story .. a likely story.

Who is this man?

I've no idea but If he knows what's good for him he'll go .. fast.

The idea of breaking in to a strange apartment to take bath. The very idea.

I never heard of such a thing.

Go on, get your clothes and get out of here.

Yes. Well I must be running along now. Good day. Nice to have met you.

Good day. - Just a minute. Not so fast.

I needed a bath and some clothes. Look.

Why did you think you'd find them here? - I don't know.

How did you get in here anyway? - I don't know.

Perhaps you had a key? - Yeah.

What? - No. No key.

Do you know these girls? - I don't know anything.

He doesn't know what a girl looks like. - You'll tell me ..

You'll tell me what this is all about or by heaven, I'll thrash it out of you.

But I don't know anything. I'm stupid.

Then I'll knock some sense into you. - Daddy, please stop it.

Perhaps you'll be good enough to explain?

Well you see it's like this, he ..

Partners, have you seen anything of ..

Just in time. He hasn't gotten violent yet.

Don't do anything to excite that man.

He's liable to be dangerous.

Who are you? - Bellevue.

Please step aside.

Psychopathic ward. Move very slowly.

And very quietly. - Good heavens, the man is ..

Shush.

You remember us, don't you?

We're your friends.

We like you.

Come now, Stanislavsky. We wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world.

Thank goodness we came in time. - You said it.

Is he .. you know? - Completely and hopelessly.

Everything is under control now.

He won't cause any more trouble.

What the matter with them? - Now there, just relax. Don't worry.

I had no idea. He barged in here and started to take a bath.

Completely nuts.

Then he started screaming for a towel and some clothes he wanted.

Yes. Well you see he suffers from a peculiar delusion that he's dirty.

He bathes continually. - Are you trying to say I'm crazy?

Of course. You're as crazy as a loon.

I'm not. I won't have anything like that said about me. I'm as sane as you are.

I don't know why you say I'm crazy just because I like to take baths.

I love to take baths.

I love to give other people baths too.

Love to. Love to. Love to. Boo!

Dick, get him out of here.

He won't hurt anybody now. - He might have killed us all.

How did he get in here?

Well, we were taking some lunatics over to Bellevue and ..

This one escaped.

It will never happen again. - I certainly hope not.

Me too.

Come on now, Stanislavsky.

Well, I ..

I don't know that this is a safe place for Dottie to be in.

Mr Coburn, nothing like that ever happened before.

Daddy, don't even say a thing like that. I can't leave here. I love it here.

On account of Mr Kenny.

You see. Mr Coburn. He lives in the apartment under us.

He is the biggest producer in New York, Mr Coburn and ..

He is crazy about Dottie. - Is he?

Yes, he is Mr Coburn. He is just crazy about Dottie.

And he'll do awfully big things for her in the theater.

Big things. - Kenny, eh?

You're going to be awfully proud of this little girl someday Mr Coburn.

When she's the biggest actress on the American stage.

Why Mr Kenny was saying to me just the other night that he ..

Who is it?

Let me in. I want to get to your bathroom.

Another lunatic. Now, don't get excited.

I'll handle this.

Yes? Come in.

What are you trying to do, drown me?

Mr Kenny.

That's Arthur Kenny?

Take it easy. Everything will be alright.

Take it easy? I'm up to my knees in water down there. Do you hear?

Pretend the water isn't there. Then it will go away.

Something wrong with him? - No, there's nothing wrong with anyone.

We're just trying to help you. We're your friends. We like you.

I'm not interested in your emotions. I want to get in your bathroom.

Wait. Do you want to take a bath?

No I don't want to take a bath. I've had a bath. My entire apartment is a bath.

It must be that crazy man ..

Mr Kenny, a perfectly strange lunatic came in and turned it on.

Well tell him to turn it off. - Kenny.

Kenny .. I'm J.T. Coburn, this little girl's Daddy.

They've just told me how interesting .. - Spare me the details, old man.

Mr Kenny, we have a play we'd like you to see.

Do you remember me? The queen of corn?

Remember?

Bagpipe, eh?

So that was Mr Kenny?

The one who was going to do so much for Dottie. Well, this settles it.

Unfortunately, I must spend the weekend on Long Island, because of business.

But Monday morning, early as possible, I'll take Dottie away from this ..

This insane asylum. - Daddy, please.

Dottie, you will be ready to leave with me Monday morning.

Well.

I had to open my big teeth, didn't I.

What's the matter, squirt.

Nothing, nothing.

What's the matter?

Where is Marge? - In the kitchen.

Well. What did Mr Kenny want?

He wanted to be rescued from drowning.

Tony left the water running in the bathtub.

It got all over Mr Kenny's apartment up to his knees.

Well, did you tell him about our play?

You bet. - What did he say, what did he say?

He wasn't interested in anything but our bathroom.

You mean he won't see it?

That's a slight understatement, my boy.

I wish I were boiling in oil.

Well anyway, it's cleared us with Dottie's father.

He thinks everything is alright? - Oh yeah. Everything is fine.

He's taking me away, Monday.

Back to Hoopsville, Illinois.

I hate Hoopsville Illinois.

It's very depressing.

Hello Marge.

Oh Tony.

Tony, where have you been? Why didn't you write to me?

I was kinda tied up, honey. - What do you mean, 'tied up'?

Well .. I'm so busy and ..

Marge, look. - What, Tony?

I'd better give up this idea of trying to be an actor and ..

Tony.

Acting just doesn't as important as some other things right now.

I mean, the shape the world is in.

Tony, that's why the world needs actors now more than it ever has in its life.

It needs entertainment and ..

Laughter and ..

I want to make it forget the dreadful things that have happened to it.

But Marge honey, listen. The world needs people to do other things too, you know.

Please don't talk like that.

I'd feel so terrible if we were the ones ..

That let the kids down when they've been so wonderful to us and ..

And having Mr Kenny see the play means so much to me.

Please don't cry, Marge.

We got married so we'd be happy.

Now look at us.

Tony, if you let our getting married spoil things we intended to do, I'll ..

I'll hate it.

Hate what?

The baby. - What baby?

The baby we're going to have.

Marge.

Aren't you glad, darling? Please by glad.

Why, sure I am, but ..

If you let me or it spoil anything we've started out to do, I'll ..

I'll never speak to it. - Marge.

All its life the poor little thing will have a mother that won't speak to it.

It won't be the baby's fault, Marge.

Well, the baby is part you, isn't it?

Alright. It would be your fault, wouldn't it?

Why, couldn't you even speak to the part of it that would be your part?

Only if you promise not to leave the kids until Mr Kenny has seen the play.

Alright, Marge.

I think everything will turn out alright.

If he sees the play before Monday morning.

Oh yes. He's got to do that on account of Dottie.

Yeah.

Dottie. Well, what has she got to do with it?

Her father is taking her back to Hoopsville Illinois on Monday morning.

Oh Marge.

But where will you live then?

Why, wherever you live, Tony. Won't I?

Sure.

Sure. - Naturally.

Sure. Naturally.

We'd better go back. I just came out her to take my medicine.

Medicine?

Good grief. Does having a baby make you sick?

Not really sick.

You just get nerves and ..

You want tomatoes and cream puffs and food like that.

It's awfully silly how you feel. It's all in your head.

But this fixes you up alright.

You have to be careful, though. - You do?

Yes. One teaspoonful makes you feel divine but ..

Two makes you sick to your stomach and three makes you go out like a light.

Good grief, you'd better be careful then, honey.

Let's go back. - Marge.

What, darling?

Thanks ever so much for the baby.

Well, I suppose Marge has told you, huh Tony?

Oh boy, I'll say she has. - Well, what are we going to do?

We're going to have a baby of course.

No. I mean about Dottie's father taking her back.

You're going to what? - We're going to have a baby.

Why you disgusting so and so.

Why, you moron.

It's alright. We're married.

You're married?

When? - In May.

And the baby is going to be born in April.

Oh.

I didn't mean anything like that. - The heck you didn't.

Don't worry, squirt.

I think it's swell.

Yeah, it's swell. But ..

I didn't think they wanted men in the army that were going to have babies.

Shut up, will you.

What did you say?

Who?

About the army. What did you say?

Oh.

Oh, I said ..

You will find very few men ..

In the army that is going to have babies.

Very few.

What's that got to do with Tony?

Oh, nothing. Nothing. Why should it?

I don't know. Tony, why should it?

Oh, what's the use?

Because I'm in the army. That's why.

The army, huh?

Oh, Tony.

We couldn't tell anybody we were married. Could we.

I never thought about the army.

I didn't know how to tell you, honey.

Gee, it's been awful being away from you.

That's just like me, isn't it.

Just thinking about myself. Not thinking about you at all.

Poor darling, You must have been awfully worried.

Yeah. I couldn't tell the army about you ..

And I couldn't tell you about the army.

I just can't imagine how it happened.

Stanislavsky.

Yes. I'll tell Mr Kenny.

After two seasons with Mr Robert Mantel I was with the Buffalo ..

Yes, yes. I'll tell Mr Kenny.

I want to see Mr Kenny please. - Have you an appointment?

I want to see him about our having a baby.

Well.

There must be some mistake. Mr Kenny is a theatrical producer.

Oh no, it wasn't a mistake.

Mr Kenny has to come home, even if it's just for one night.

Well if you'll just have a chair over there, please.

"Yes?" - Mr Kenny.

"There's a young lady here who wants to see you about having a baby."

"I think you had better see her, Mr Kenny."

Well ..

Alright.

You listen on the Dictaphone though. I'll leave the key down.

"Yes. Yes, Mr Kenny. Yes."

You may go in now.

Hello, Mr Kenny.

Look here, young woman.

Just what has your having a baby got to do with me?

I'm not going to have a baby. We are.

You see, there are the six of us. - Six of you?

Where have I see you before?

I'm Dottie Coburn. I live right over your head in the apartment upstairs.

Coburn? You're the one with the maniac father that tried to give me a bath?

My father is not a maniac, Mr Kenny.

He is part elk and part lion.

And he has the biggest silo in Illinois.

Dottie. - Kate.

Gee I'm sorry, Mr Kenny.

So it's you. I should know that your teeth were in this somewhere.

I was telling Mr Kenny about our baby. - What is she talking about?

Well it's really very simple, Mr Kenny. See, my sister's husband is in the army.

Somehow, they are going to have a baby.

Dottie's father will take her away. You must see our play before Monday morning.

Because Tony has to be back in camp.

You don't know what soldiers will say when he says he's going to have a baby.

Norman gave him a cigar.

You will see our play, won't you Mr Kenny?

What play? What in heaven's name are you talking about?

Look. Will you get out of my office before I go stark staring mad.

Okay, okay. We just asked.

You don't have to get mean about it. Come.

Is Mr Kenny going to look at our play? - No, he's not.

And I won't be here when our baby is born?

I guess not, Dottie.

I never have any fun. - Get her out of the office, please.

Right. We're going, we're going.

I wish Mr Stanislavsky was here, don't you Kate?

Mr Stanislavsky wrote our play 'Mostly Murder'.

No he didn't.

What did you say?

She's mixed up. He didn't write our play. We don't know who wrote it.

What about Mostly Murder?

We said it was an awfully good play we'd like ..

Good? Of course it's a great play. How did you know of it?

Know about what? - Mostly Murder.

Mrs Garnet gave it to us.

Oh she did?

Yes. She found it in an old trunk some broken down author left.

Oh.

What's the matter, Kate?

You knew about it all the time.

All the time I told you about it you had it up your sleeve laughing at it.

I want my play.

Why should we give Mr Kenny our play? - He says our play is his play.

I don't say it is. It is.

I wrote it. I starved for it. I was locked out for it.

I want my play. Please give it to me.

Even if we wanted to give you your play, Mr Kenny.

I don't think Norman would let us. - And who's Norman?

I guess Norman is the most wonderful man in the world.

Where is he? - He's where we live.

Well, I insist on being taken there.

Alright.

Is Mr Kenny coming with us, Kate? - Hmm.

The battle has been my Gethsemane.

It is finished.

Think.

Think, think.

I am going to Paris.

I must be true to my dead.

They will then march with me towards freedom.

The torch is not out.

I shall rule the world again.

Austria, Russia .. even England.

I am a man of destiny.

Oh, Marie.

Marie, you must help me .. you must.

Why do you play Napoleon with a French accent?

Why, he was French, wasn't he?

No. I mean like Boyer. - Oh.

Well, I'm just trying to make him lovable.

Mr Kenny.

Norman, an awful thing has happened.

Mr Kenny has written a play. - Our play.

Mostly Murder? - Yes. And I want it please.

You wrote Mostly Murder? - I certainly did.

It is my property and if you don't give it to me quietly, I will sue you for it.

Well, where is it? Give it to me.

Ah, we haven't got it.

You haven't what? - We haven't got it.

That is, written down I mean. We don't believe in that.

Working with the script. So after we learned it we threw it away.

They don't work with a script?

Yes, Mr Kenny. The only way you can get your play back is to watch us act in it.

I mean, you watch us give a performance of your play and ..

Take it down in some way and that way, you get it back.

By George, you're right. I've got a Dictaphone.

Wait until I get it. It's just downstairs.

I'll be right back. Don't start anything until I get back now.

We won't.

Tony, Tony.

Hey kids, this is our chance. - Yeah. Come on. He'll be right back.

Let's see. I must get my crystal ball. - I'll get this uniform off.

Did you forget where the script is? It was ..

Please Dottie, you don't know about this. Understand?

Right, Norman.

Dottie, I need a dress. Something long.

Would my graduation dress do?

Anything. But hurry. - Alright.

How do you suppose she ever graduated? - Politics, probably.

Come on, Marge. Let's get this furniture in place. Oh.

I forgot about you. I'm sorry.

Sit down. You can't lift anything. - Yes, I can.

Sit down. - Alright.

Gee, I hope he likes us and nothing goes wrong.

What could go wrong?

Well, I wish we had another corpse for that first scene.

Well, we haven't.

Button me up, will you Marge.

I wonder what's keeping Mr Kenny. - He probably had to shave his records.

Hey, where is Mr Kenny? - He's not back yet.

Tell them what Mr Kenny is doing, Norman. You know.

Oh, I said he probably had to shave his records.

Can you imagine that?

Yep, well let's rehearse the beginning while we wait.

It won't hurt. - I can certainly use it.

Hurry up, Kate. - Coming.

Kate, we'll rehearse the beginning. Alright. Places, kids. And make it good.

It's got to be good. So much depends on it.

Alright. Everything all set?

Wait a minute. You forgot the corpse. - Oh.

Every time I see it I'm going to laugh instead of scream.

Well we can't do anything about it now. Okay, places everyone.

Curtain.

The spirit says the girl who saw the murder must rise.

She must walk to the bed.

And she must ..

She must pull away the blanket.

No .. no!

Don't anyone move.

Who are you?

I am a sinister butler.

This poor child.

Why did she scream?

Darn it, Marge. You're not supposed to be laughing.

I can't help it. It's that pillow.

It's supposed to be dead.

I think it's funny too. It does take a lot of imagination.

Every time I pull that knife out feathers blow up in my face.

And I'm supposed to say that business about .. blood.

Blood.

All around.

Well, maybe this will help.

Look kids, we can't break up like this when Mr Kenny gets back.

I'm sorry. It's that pillow.

Marge, we couldn't get anybody in this much of a hurry.

Maybe Mr Kenny will be the corpse?

Certainly not.

Where could we get a corpse this time of day?

Why Muriel, what a coincidence.

Muriel.

How would you like to be a corpse?

No. No, I didn't do anything.

Well, you're going to be a corpse whether you like it or not.

Please don't .. I didn't mean to make any trouble.

Not much, you didn't.

Really I didn't. Anyway, nobody believed me.

I'm in trouble now.

My uncle made me come over to apologise to Dottie.

I certainly don't know why I should though, as ..

Darling, we don't want you to apologize. We just want you to do us a favor.

And it will be fun for you. - You just have to be dead.

No. I don't want to.

Muriel, I don't think you understand. We want you to play a part in our show.

Oh. What sort of a part?

Oh, it's a grand part. The kind you can really get your teeth into.

It's the most important part in the play.

Why, if it weren't for you there wouldn't be any play.

You're on the stage almost the entire time.

I don't know if I could learn all those speeches.

That's the beauty of the part. You see, it's all in pantomime.

You don't have to say a word. - What do you say?

Come on, be a pal. - We'll fix it with your uncle.

Well, alright.

Fine. Now, in the beginning you're lying on the sofa. Dead.

Oh. But you said it was a big part.

It's tremendous. You just stick this knife in your heart and lie down.

Take it away. - It won't hurt, Muriel.

It's a trick knife you see.

It goes in there like .. like this.

You see.

Is that how they do it?

You'll be perfect in the part, honey. Absolutely natural.

Marge. For heaven's sake when you see her, scream. It's my only cue to enter.

Don't worry, You'll hear me this time.

This is where you are dead, my pet. Awful dead.

But very, very expressively dead.

Do I just lie here? - Yes dear, you just lie there.

Can I breathe? - No, no. Don't breathe.

Critics don't like actors.

Who breathe.

Alright, places everyone.

Get set.

Okay. Oh, pardon me.

I am sorry to have kept you people waiting.

You see, I had to .. - We know, we know.

I should need two tables please to put these gadgets on.

One here.

And one over there. - Anything I can do?

Plug that in please, will you Philips. - Yes, sir. Connection, please.

I'll get a chair.

This goes in front to the little lady with the gypsy costume, please.

Are you sure this is my play? - Oh yes, Mr Kenny.

Mr Kenny.

I wonder if anybody can say something so we can see if this thing is working.

Oh, let me do it. Let me do it. - Alright.

Come on, everybody quiet now. - Alright, go ahead.

Ready?

I am a sinister butler.

This poor child.

Why did she scream?

I'm sure that will be quite enough. Now we'll play it back.

See how it sounds.

"Let me do it, let me do it."

"Come on, everybody quiet now."

"Alright. Go ahead."

"I am a sinister butler."

"This poor child. Why did she scream?"

Alright, now we can go ahead.

Alright, don't forget. This is it. Make it good or .. curtains.

Alright, Mr Kenny. Curtain.

The spirit says the one who saw the murder must rise.

She must walk to the bed and pull away the blanket.

What's the matter? - Oh, ye Gods.

Just a minute. In my play the corpse didn't say anything.

I know that, Mr Kenny.

Muriel, you're supposed to be dead.

But I thought you were hurt.

You're not supposed to think. You've been murdered.

Maybe we should have used a real knife.

Well I don't see anything to get excited about.

After all, I never practised the part.

She wants to rehearse to be a corpse.

Yes. Well, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Kenny.

Alright, let's go ahead.

If I have to hang around I want something to drink. I'm thirsty.

You're thirsty? - Yes, I am.

Since I was a teeny-weeny baby, I could not sleep until I had a glass of water.

Look, we'd better use the pillow. - No, Tony. Of course she's thirsty.

I'll get you a nice refreshing drink, Muriel.

And bring in a bottle of ketchup.

Marge. - Ah, Mr Kenny ..

If you'll just bear up for a minute, we will go through the whole thing alright.

Marge, what drink are you giving her? - She's got to keep quiet, doesn't she.

Go and get the ketchup.

The stuff is dangerous. Too much and .. - Don't worry.

Here you are Muriel, darling.

What is it?

A surprise. I know you'll like it. Drink it down.

Well, now can we get started? - Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir.

That's very good. Thank you. Now we can begin.

How do you feel? - Alright.

Blood .. blood!

All around.

There. Now you know what a fishcake feels like.

Are you satisfied now, Muriel? - We are all satisfied.

Alright. Now, everything set. Places.

Places.

Curtain.

The spirit says the girl who saw the murder must rise.

She must walk to the bed and she must ..

She must pull away the blanket.

What's happened? Good heavens. Has anybody been hurt?

Oh, ye gods. - Oh, it's Mr Kenny.

You deceitful Shylock. What do you mean by giving my play to these incompetents?

I could have you arrested. By George, I will have you arrested.

Please Mr Kenny, don't be mad at Mrs Garnet. She was just trying to help us.

Why yes.

There's plenty of plays in the world .. - What's he talking about?

He says you gave us his play but we're giving it back to him.

I don't see why you're mad, Mr Kenny. - Why, no.

Oh, let's start again. - But I distinctly heard a scream.

We were doing a play, Mrs Garnet.

A play? But what was that scream?

That's part of the plot. I have to scream.

Look, Mrs Garnet.

You keep telling Mr Kenny how much you like us.

As actors, I mean.

We might all get jobs out of it.

I certainly will. My, that would be fine.

On account of the rent you know.

Forget that. - No. No, I won't.

Alright, come on kids.

Places again .. and try not to let this bother you.

Alright. Everybody all ready? - Yes, indeedy.

Such attractive youngsters, aren't they.

Dreadfully. - And such fine actors.

Aren't you enjoying the play?

I think it is wonderful.

So entertaining. Too sweet for words.

Please, Mrs Garnet. Not now. - Oh, excuse me.

Well, go right ahead.

Curtain.

The spirit says the girl who saw the murder must rise.

She must walk to the bed and she must ..

She must pull away the blanket.

What's the idea? What's the matter?

Tell me, what's the matter? - Take it easy.

Now don't move, anybody. - What is this?

Alright. Who screamed? - Well, I did officer, but ..

You've no right to break in like this. - We got a call to investigate.

The lady did scream but there's nothing wrong.

She screamed when saw the body.

Body? What body? - She's mistaken. There isn't anybody.

Yeah. Of course not.

What would we be doing with a corpse?

Now officers, don't make fools of yourselves.

There has been no crime. We are trying to put on a show.

My name is Arthur Kenny. I suppose you've heard of Arthur Kenny?

How do I know you're him? You got any means of identification?

Mrs Garnet, the landlady, will say who I am.

Mrs Garnet, tell them who I am.

Mrs Garnet. - Please, Mrs Garnet.

You mean, really? - Of course, really.

Oh, is the play over?

Mrs Garnet, these policemen think there is something wrong here.

Oh, I thought they were in it too.

Oh, you missed it. You should have been here.

It was wonderful, I loved it. It's a shame it is so short.

The most exciting part was where she saw the poor murdered girl lying there.

The murdered girl? Where? - Please, Mrs Garnet.

Why, right there under the blanket.

I see it.

Oh, golly.

Call up headquarters.

No, she's not dead. She's just fooling. - Well she ain't denying is she.

Look, this has gone far enough. She is making believe.

She is pretending, The whole thing is make-believe.

It's a play. These are all actors.

At least, so they believe.

Sure, this is a .. trick knife.

All you got to do is pull it out.

Pull it out.

Like I thought. It's a fake.

Ketchup.

Well I guess we made a mistake. - You certainly did.

Anyone with a modicum of intelligence would know she was pretending.

I'm sorry, Mr Kenny. We'll go now.

Well, don't let me rush you. - Goodbye.

Get up now.

I say you can get up now.

Officer.

Just a minute, please. There is something wrong here.

This young woman is unconscious. - Maybe she is only tired.

I was right all the time.

She's been drugged. - Ah, no she hasn't.

She is acting. The play, you know.

Come on, wake up Muriel. The play is over.

Wake up. She's the stubborn-est girl I've ever seen in my life.

An awfully good actress, isn't she.

She's unconscious.

What's been going on here?

I did it. I .. - No she didn't. I did it.

I gave it to her to keep her quiet. She kept sitting up all the time.

It's preposterous. I'll not get mixed up in a thing like this.

Mr Kenny, we haven't started.

Nobody leaves until I find out more. Call an ambulance.

I'd better call the wagon too. - Oh, no.

George.

Don't touch that phone.

Because if you do the building will blow up into a thousand pieces.

And you go with it.

Better go away from it, Joe. He might not be kidding.

Stanislavsky never kids.

Do you, Stanislavsky?

Now look here, officer.

You get to an outside phone. I'll take care of this until you get back.

Something funny here.

Now just what did happen here? - I demand to be allowed to leave here.

Don't let him leave, officer. - We had an awful time getting him here.

If you make him stay, we'll confess the whole thing. We'll ..

We'll re-enact it for you so you can see exactly what happened.

Won't we .. Stanislavsky?

Why yes, yes. Sure we will.

We'll spill the works.

Now look here, officer .. - You get back there and shut up.

Okay officer, it was like this.

You see, these people were sitting around.

And the corpse was covered.

Now, I was just outside the door.

And this girl, was in a trance.

Like this.

Curtain. - Wait a minute.

The spirit says the girl who saw the murder must rise.

She must walk to the bed and she must ..

She must pull away the blanket ..

Don't anyone move.

Good. You finally made it.

Change the record and we'll go on with the play.

I guess Mr Kenny is dead by now. - Dead?

What are you talking about?

Well, last night when he left he said he was going to kill himself.

It was a good try, anyway.

It's awful being a failure when you're only eighteen.

We'll certainly get the old ha-ha when we get back to Creek County.

We sure talked big when we left.

I don't care about that.

I think when the baby is born, its own father won't know what it looks like.

And Norman will have to go back to Rhode Island and finish ..

You know, the dentist exam.

Any sign of him?

Not yet.

I wonder why they won't get dry.

It must be the humidity in here.

How do you feel, Muriel?

I feel like a ..

A jigsaw puzzle that hasn't been put together.

Maybe some of the pieces are missing? - No.

I'm all here.

While I was in the bathtub, I looked.

Why did you get into the bathtub with all your clothes on?

I was leaning over it and I must have had a dizzy spell.

It was almost as though somebody had pushed me.

I want to go home.

Go ahead. You'll make quite a hit at Grand Central.

Just as soon as my clothes dry, I'll get Mr Coburn to come back here right away.

He won't wait until tomorrow to take Dottie away when he hears what I've ..

Oh, I'd better go.

I wish I had a toothbrush.

I don't know why she can't wait until we see what Mr Kenny thinks of our play.

If she goes out of here she'll have to use water.

Water wings.

Maybe it's Mr Kenny.

Daddy. You weren't coming until tomorrow.

I didn't want you to stay here any longer than necessary.

So, when I finished my business sooner than I expected.

I decided that ..

I ..

Who are you?

Who me?

I just came in to use the telephone.

See, I told you so. I told you Dottie was living with a lot of men.

I don't even know what a man looks like.

Where you been? Your uncle is worried because you didn't come home.

I couldn't. These people ..

We didn't want to say anything, Mr Coburn but she got kind of pie-eyed.

I did not.

They stabbed me and wanted me to be a corpse.

And they poisoned me and I was unconscious.

When I came to, there were two policemen in the room.

And I poured ketchup all over my front.

And then they tried to drown me.

I don't think they like me.

No, we're crazy about her, Mr Coburn.

So, this is the bath-crazy idiot from Bellevue, is it.

And these are the two keepers are they?

Dottie, aren't you ashamed of yourself? - Daddy, you mustn't get so excited.

I'm not excited. - Don't shout so.

You should be very quiet. We're going to have a baby.

What?

I told you so. I told you so.

Oh, Dottie.

Dottie is confused, Mr Coburn. I'm the one that is going to have a baby.

Have a cigar. - No thank you.

I don't want a cigar. All I want is for my daughter to get out of this place.

Dottie, go and get your things immediately.

Don't cry, Dottie. We'll see each other again. Honest we will.

Rhode Island is clear across the world from Hoopsville Illinois.

The world is getting smaller all the time, honey.

Now, you just keep thinking of that.

Let's get started.

Muriel, aren't you ready?

Mr Coburn, I can't go now. I'm all wet.

Absolutely right, Miss Foster. Absolutely right.

Leave her with us, Mr Coburn. We'll take care of her.

Thank you. Come, Dottie.

Goodbye, everybody.

Goodbye, Dottie. - Goodbye. Thanks for everything.

Give our regards to Hoopsville.

Come on, Dottie.

I've got something very important to tell you, Norman.

Even if it makes you mad at me.

Dottie, come on.

I love you, Norman.

I always have loved you, Norman.

She sure is a dumb little kid, isn't she.

She must be.

The spirit says the one who saw the murder shall rise and ..

Walk slowly toward that worm and lick the daylights out of her.

That's a good idea.

This is for Norman, this is for Dottie. This is for ..

How do you do. - How do you do.

I am Phillips, Mr Kenny's man. - Oh yes, I remember you.

This is Phillips, Mr Kenny's man.

Oh, hello Mr Phillips.

Does Mr Kenny have a message for us? - Yes.

Mr Kenny wants you all in his apartment in half an hour.

He does? - How did he say it?

When he said it, was he mad or was he glad?

I am sure I do not analyse Mr Kenny's inflections and cadences.

In half an hour, if you please.

Yes, sure. We'll be there. - Thank you.

Thank you. - Thank you.

I wonder what he wants.

His man didn't sound very enthusiastic.

Oh, people's men never sound enthusiastic.

That's why they're people's men instead of people.

Well .. what the heck. Let's go down and find out.

We can't be in worse shape than we are.

You said it.

I like you.

Kindly make yourselves comfortable until Mr Kenny arrives.

Thank you.

Wow.

This looks like our apartment with clothes on it.

Well, he didn't burn it. That's a hopeful sign.

Maybe he's going to sue us. - Don't be silly.

He can't sue us for rehearsing his play. We didn't act in public or get paid.

Thank heavens.

What do you mean? We were good.

If only so many things hadn't happened.

Let's turn it on and see what happens. - No, no.

Well, they're our voices aren't they?

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I just dropped in."

"About the rent you know."

"Oh please, Mrs Garnet, this is a play. Please."

"Alright, Kate. Go ahead."

"No .. no!"

That's when you got stabbed, Kate.

"Ah, the crystal gazer is dead."

"I wonder who will be next."

"The nervous young man was next."

That was wonderful, Tony. That kind of gulping noise when you die.

"I am sorry to say, sir."

"That the two mysterious sisters."

"Were found in the well at midnight."

"Completely drowned, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"As you know."

You think maybe I overplayed it a little?

"Oh, keep away. Keep away."

"Keep away."

It sounds like she's singing Dixie.

"Strange. They are all dead."

"Good heavens. That means of course."

"That blood-smeared cap in my suitcase."

"That was the clue."

"I killed them."

Norman, shut it off.

Oh, ye Gods. - Do we stink.

It is pretty terrible.

Why, hello there. I see you've been entertaining yourselves.

Oh, Mr Kenny. We're sorry.

We didn't realize. - Well go quietly.

What's up with you? Don't you know great burlesque when you hear it?

What? - Burlesque?

You mean .. you mean you think that was funny?

Well, it's so funny we're starting rehearsals immediately.

Just as you played it. Interruptions and all.

It's terrific. No-one could have written a thing like that.

I'm having the contracts drawn up for you now.

Oh, burlesque .. - We knew it all the time.

But I'm going to have a baby.

Well I'm sorry, I can't pay extra for that.

A bargain is a bargain, you know.

Where's the corpse? - She's upstairs.

She's safe. She can't go anywhere.

Where is the little Coburn idiot?

Dottie?

Oh she's gone. - Gone? Where?

Back to Hoopsville, Illinois.

Oh, she can't be gone. She's the funniest thing in the show.

She is? - She is?

She didn't get anything right.

No, she must be in the show. I'm sorry.

Oh, ye Gods.

Excuse me.

But there is a young lady downstairs ..

Who wants to see a young man who wants to see a young lady downstairs.

What young lady and what young man?

She said 'Norman'.

But when I was a girl ..

Young ladies called young men by their last names but ..

I don't know.

Wait a minute.

Where, Mrs Garnet? Who?

There. Though why she don't come upstairs, I don't know.

She lives here.

Dottie. - Norman.

I came back. I had to.

Dottie. Listen.

Mr Kenny is going to produce our play, and he especially wants you.

I know how he feels because I came back because I especially want ..

You know what I want, Norman.

Well, how did your father let you go?

He didn't. He checked me.

At Grand Central while we were waiting.

I got counting up to eighteen and that's how old I am. So I just left.

Dottie, this is wonderful.

Wonderful on account of the play or on account of me, Norman?

Well ..

Wonderful on account of you.

You mean it, Norman? - Why ..

Sure I mean it. - Oh, Norman.

Oh gosh, I really do mean it.

Norman.

And she said she didn't even know what a man looked like.

Well, she'll just have to stop saying that now.

..s-d..

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