Original subtitles

[soft music playing]

I was just wondering if…

maybe you might want to see a movie with me sometime?

No.

No, she wouldn't just say no like that. Would she?

I’m not saying no as her, I’m saying no as me.

That's how you make plans with a friend.

You've got to make sure she knows it's a date. Again.

Would you like to go on a date with me?

[gasps] A date?

Oh my God, no, I'm not gay. [chuckles]

-[Hayley] Forget it. -No, no, I'm just kidding.

-No, don't go. -[Hayley] What’s the point?

-I'm terrible at this. -You just need to be more confident.

Chicks dig that in a girl.

-How do you know? -Well, you dig it.

-That's why you're friends with me. -Yeah, I don't know what I like in girls

-or what other girls like in girls. -[tape clattering]

I just know I like Jennifer.

Oh, that's really sweet and all, but if you're going to go ahead

with this crazy plan, we've got some work to do.

-"Please date me" ain't gonna cut it. -I don't sound like that.

-[Tanya splutters] -Wait, do you think it's crazy

-me asking her out? -Well, it's not crazy,

but actually, I think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself.

I mean, we know she has a movie due back today, but…

But what?

-It's You've Got Mail. -So?

Can you think of a straighter movie?

I'm a… And… and I don't only watch gay movies.

That's because there are like four.

You think she's straight?

-I think we don't know what she is. -[Hayley groans]

And you have a tendency to not parle l'Anglais. Tu comprends?

[groans] I thought you wanted this for me.

I do. I'm just saying maybe you should try to find out if she's actually a,

you know, before you come in guns blazing.

Yeah, and how am I supposed to do that? Hmm?

If gaydar is a thing, I do not have it.

Well, why don't you ask her what's her favourite Ani DiFranco song?

Or find out

-what sort of golf clubs she uses? -Hmm.

Start singing "Bring Me Some Water" and see if she joins in.

Some stereotypes are unhelpful.

Well, how did you know you liked girls?

-Oh, you're a genius. -I knew it.

-It was me, wasn't it? -[keyboard keys clacking]

-[Tanya] I knew I was just too pretty. -What? No.

Look.

-[dramatic music playing] -[Hayley] Hmm.

[Tanya gasps] Okay, we've got two movies with girls kissing girls.

-What? Two? -Yeah.

Oh no, Wild Things does not count. That would show up on your account too.

True. But, Hayles, even I've got to admit…

a lot of these are pretty gay. Kissing or no kissing.

-Maybe she's curious. -We can work with curious.

Okay, well, even if I can hold a conversation with her, it's a big if.

I still haven't really figured out the whole…

[mumbles]

No.

[chuckles] I'm just kidding. I get it. You need a vibe.

-I guess. -Well, what's up with the lesbians

in that Kate Winslet movie she borrowed because of you?

-Uh, Heavenly Creatures? -They're psychopathic murderers.

Oh.

-[Hayley sighs] -How about The Hunger?

-Evil vampire. -Poison Ivy?

-Psychopathic murderer. -Geez, are there any good lesbians?

The Color Purple?

-Were there any lesbians in that? -There were supposed to be.

Hmm, I gotta pee. [grunts]

Can you watch the counter for me?

Oh. [chuckles]

I just need to see real women who are really into women,

are allowed to be into women, aren't complete assholes

disguised as something else, or trying to kill someone.

Or dead.

Or dead!

Is it too much to ask?

-[dramatic music playing] -[chuckles]

[door beeping]

Hope Floats!

-[tape clattering] -[paper rustling]

-[door beeping] -Hi-- [gasps]

[indistinct chatter]

-Welcome to Videoland! -Sorry! Had to pee. [pants]

-Busting. -[Hayley chuckles]

Back to work.

-Thank you. -No, thank you!

That was amazing! I mean, I only did some tidying up,

but God, for me personally, it just feels so good to just be…

Oh yeah, that too, but…

[Hayley sighs]

♪ Somebody bring me some water ♪

-[soft music playing] -[Hayley humming]

Hey there.

Oh, hey.

I wasn't sure you'd be here today.

Yeah, I'm here. Just working. [chuckles]

Uh…

any recommendations?

Uh, depends what you like.

What do you like?

In a movie.

Or a person. I mean, a person in a movie.

A character. What kind of characters do you like?

Um, I like a female lead.

Like a… like a tough chick?

-[Jennifer] Sure, I-- -Uh, Ellen Ripley, Alien.

-Great character, great film. -Scream!

Seen it, loved it, Neve Campbell gets bonus points

-for The Craft. -The Craft.

Sarah Connor, obviously.

-Um. -Sarah Connor? Terminator?

Oh right, um, I think I've seen the first one.

Oh no, the second one's so much better, especially if you're a…

lover of action films.

-[tape clattering] -Um, oh!

So it's set like ten years after the first one,

and, uh, Sarah Connor's turned into this total badass.

She's like, ripped! She's like, totally the one like,

running the show instead of being a damsel in distress.

She's got like… like guns and guns!

-[imitating gunshots] -Sold.

I, um, think I'm sorted.

Okay, great.

Thanks again.

I have to let you know what I think.

You can tell me next time you're here.

[imitates Arnold] "You'll be back!"

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

-[door opens, beeps] -I wouldn't count on it.

-[imitates Arnold] After that! -Shut up!

[chuckles] Okay, so you got intel, right?

-What vibe are we going for? -[Hayley] Mm-hmm.

Uh, tough chick.

-Okay. -I guess.

-[Tanya] Mm-hmm. -Gay, tough chick.

[Tanya] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[gasps]

It's time.

[dramatic music playing]

[Tanya clears throat]

-Be honest. -About?

When you figured out you liked girls.

-[scanner beeping] -You had a little crush on me, right?

Oh my God.

-[scanner beeping] -It's okay, no one would blame you.

I'm hella sexy.

-Ew. -Ew?

Ew?

-That hurts. -[Mel] Catch.

[Tanya] Hmm?

For your services.

Oh.

-I don't know what to say. -Just stop sending me invoices.

Oh, I can't make any promises.

Enjoy your homework.

[indistinct chatter]

[intriguing music playing]

You got something for the--

[Jennifer] Is that it?

Oh my God, you're amazing.

I don't know how to thank you.

-Can I please pay you for this? -No, it's okay.

Wait, what did you say?

Can I please pay for these?

Oh, shit… shit, hang on.

-Sorry. -[tapes clattering]

Right, where was I?

Yeah, so then Violet says, well, how about a drink?

What? What? No, no, I'm getting there.

No, no, they weren't evil,

but they weren't exactly the good guys either.

Yeah, it was definitely--

No, they were… they were definitely--

I don't… I don't know. It was… it was… it was very intense.

-[door opens, beeps] -When have I ever been intense?

What do you mean, maybe that's my problem?

I just think you could afford to be a bit more forthright.

-Oh. -Well, that's easy for you to say.

You don't know what it's like being different.

[scoffs]

I don't know what that's like?

No.

No, I mean… I mean different like me…

on the inside.

I don't know anyone who would understand, and even if I did,

I wouldn't know that I did, because no one talks about it.

There… there is a reason I'm not forthright.

Okay, I'm not saying you need to wave a rainbow flag around everywhere you go.

I just don't like seeing you like this.

-You made me do this. -I thought we were just going for vibe.

I don't know what this is. You're just not being Hayley.

You mean straight Hayley. Oh my God, I knew you weren't okay with it.

That's obviously not what I'm saying. I want you to be gay.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

Or you don't want me to get close to someone else.

What? You think I'm jealous?

Yeah, makes sense. You spend like all of your time with me.

You don't even have a job because you're always at mine,

and that was cool when-- Things have changed.

I think you got used to being the only girl in my life,

and now you're gonna have to share.

And what exactly would I be sharing?

I don't know how to divide up nothing.

[Hayley] What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I haven't been getting much from you lately.

-We literally hang out together every day. -Yeah, and talk about you.

[chuckles] And watch the movies you want to watch,

and go shopping for your new Doc Martens, and spend an hour debating

whether you should get an undercut. Still no, by the way.

And oh my God, Jennifer.

I know you're going through a thing, and I'm sure she's great or whatever,

but, you know, when was the last time we spoke about my crush?

-You don't even have a crush. -[Tanya hesitates, sniffles]

-That's definitely not the point. -Well then what's the point?

You never asked about anything.

Yeah, okay, I do have a crush on someone…

[sniffles] …and it's not going very well right now.

And did you know I failed my driving test last week?

Of course not.

You haven't noticed I'm still riding my bike everywhere.

You can just tell me things, you know.

I would if I thought you cared about anything else right now other than…

[scoffs] …transforming yourself into whatever this is.

What do you want me to do? Not explore my sexuality?

Of course not, but…

it would just be nice if you could…

take five minutes off to help me

-deal with my stuff too. -[door opens, beeps]

[tape clattering]

[indistinct chatter]

-[soft music playing] -Seriously?

Could you just wait here?

No.

[intriguing music playing]

Oh, bonjour.

'Sup?

Uh, not much. Just picking a video.

Yeah, cool.

Videos are cool.

Okay.

[Hayley] You got any tattoos?

What?

I'd just like to see them if you do.

Uh.

Yeah, I borrowed that too.

It's, uh, not about what you think it's about.

A serial kidnapper?

Yeah, no, uh, then, uh, yeah, no, it's about what you think it's about.

Ashley Judd is really hot.

You, uh, you into scary movies?

Not really.

Better avoid Boogie Nights then, am I right?

No, thank you.

Maybe we should try this one.

Did I say we?

That's my bad.

Uh, oh, uh, looks like my brother's already picked something,

so I am going to go.

[footsteps receding]

[indistinct chatter]

Brandon Walsh. [groans]

[sighs]

[soft gentle piano music playing]

[gasps] You're alone.

[gentle music continues]

[answering machine beeping]

Hello Karen, this is Hayley from Videoland.

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

was due back on Thursday.

If you could please return that to the store as soon as possible

to avoid incurring late fees, we would really appreciate it.

Thanks.

God, that was bleak.

-[Hayley] Hmm. -I'll do this.

Why don't you sort the DVD drawer instead?

-[Hayley groans] -Is there a problem?

I hate DVDs.

-Well, I don't hate them, I just don't… -[Mel] Own a DVD player?

What's wrong with good old VHS? That's all I'm saying.

Nothing.

But DVDs are pretty exciting when you think about it.

I know the transition to something new can be tough,

but once you realise that the picture quality is much better

and therefore the viewing experience much more enjoyable,

it makes it easier to accept.

And once you do that, it opens up a whole world of possibilities.

Widescreen, surround sound…

change is inevitable and there will always be people

who are slow on the uptake. They'll get there eventually.

Well, most of them anyway. I can't imagine my grandfather

ever getting a DVD player, if you know what I mean.

[soft music playing]

The important thing is to not worry about what other people are doing…

and focus on what works for you.

This part is hard.

Trust me, it will get better.

Plus on DVD you can watch the same scene over and over again

and the tape doesn't go fuzzy.

I haven't seen Tanya in a while.

-We had a fight. -[Mel] Oh.

Yeah, I really stuffed up.

[sighs] I'm sure you guys will work it out.

You know, I never thought I would say this

and I will fire you if you ever tell her I did…

but I do kind of miss her around here.

She would do a really good job, you know.

It would be a tough transition…

but you should give her a chance.

Touché.

[Hayley] Hey Tan, it's me.

Hayley, obviously.

I just…

I'd really like to talk to you

-if you can call me back. -[dramatic music playing]

[phone clattering]

I'm at work. That's probably why you haven't called me back.

You probably tried me at home.

Call me here. I left a couple of messages on your mobile,

but I thought I'd try you at home too.

I know I was an asshole. It doesn't mean you can ignore me forever.

Hi Mr. and Mrs. Tran.

I'm really sorry about saying asshole on your answering machine.

Twice.

Ah, you saved me the trek.

There are a few ring outs on the overdue list.

Can you try them again when you've got a sec?

Yep…

but I need you to make a call for me first.

[tape clattering]

-[indistinct chatter] -[door opens, beeps]

Tanya.

Oh, I… I thought you'd be gone by now. Mel called me.

I know. I asked her to.

You weren't returning my calls. I figured you might return hers.

Wait, so there isn't a job interview?

-That's downright cruel. -[Hayley] Wait.

No, I don't want to hear what you have to say.

You were right.

You may go on.

This whole process has taught me

that a lot of people are going to have a lot of opinions about me.

And they're probably going to be really hard to take.

[soft music playing]

And I didn't know how to deal with that. So I thought…

maybe if I could make myself the best lesbian I could be…

I could prove them all wrong.

But it turns out I was wrong.

Because all I need to be is myself.

-And that's all I ever wanted you to be. -[Hayley] No, I know.

It's just not always that easy.

Mm-hmm. Hardly ever.

Whoever she is, I'm…

pretty sure she's a lesbian.

-And that scares the hell out of me. -[Tanya] Oh my God, same.

I've seen the movies. Lesbians are scary.

Right? [chuckles]

But I also figured that…

if I'm a lesbian, they can obviously be pretty awesome too.

Obviously.

I'm really sorry I haven't been there for you.

It's okay. What you're going through is pretty massive.

Don't let me off that easy.

Yeah, right.

You have been nothing but supportive.

I repaid you by being a self-involved jerk.

I know you know what it's like.

Being different. I'm sorry.

Also, I should have remembered your driving test.

And I definitely want to hear about this guy.

Ah, I've missed you!

-[laughs] -[Tanya laughs]

Oh.

You would totally rock an undercut, by the way.

-Really? Maybe I'll do it at uni. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Okay, so you've done all the research. -[Hayley] Hmm.

-Now what? No more lesbian movies? -Oh, no, no.

-I'm gonna watch them again. -Oh!

And again, and again, and again.

-Oh. -It's kissing or no kissing.

-[laughs] -[chuckles]

-Okay, should we, um, art house? -Oh, depends. What do you want to watch?

-[gasps] Yes! -[Hayley] Hmm.

Where do you think you're going?

Your interview started five minutes ago.

[gasps] No way! You're actually giving me an interview?

I thought it was a joke! [chuckles]

You're right, that is a joke. I would never give you an interview.

Melissa, I swear to God, you always--

-I'm giving you a trial. You start now. -[gasps]

[exclaims] Oh my God!

Oh! Yes! [exclaims]

-How do I look? -Oh, you're actually missing something.

[Tanya] Hmm?

[gasps]

I gotta say…

it kind of suits you.

-Oh, you won't regret this. -[Hayley chuckles]

You might. Here comes your trainer.

-What? Isn't Hayley training me? -Oh, no, sorry, my, uh, shift just ended.

-Hmm. -Oh, but if it's not you, then who?

No!

Is it bad form if I quit two minutes in?

This is a joke…

right?

I kind of wish I was gonna be here for this.

Um, bins are empty, drinks fridge is restocked.

I've done half the confectionery and I haven't…

[Daniel] Hayley, you haven't done the callbacks?

No, I have. Sorry, I forgot.

-[paper rustling] -[soft music playing]

-Can I borrow your mobile? -Yeah.

I just have one more apology to make.

-[phone beeping] -Hmm. You Gershon'd too hard, didn't you?

So, which lesbian will you be when you call her?

-Hayley? -Damn straight.

-Oh, I mean… -[footsteps receding]

Hello, could I please speak to Jennifer?

Oh, okay.

-She's where? -[footsteps approaching]

You have an overdue video.

But it's fine. Well, it's not fine because you have a fine.

But it's just a little one, it's not a big one.

I'm actually-- I'm just gonna get rid of it.

-There's no more fine. [chuckles] -[papers rustling]

I… I don't know why I did that.

-[sighs] Oh, not that. -["Kiss Me" playing]

You're missing a couple.

The Blockbuster down the road has this one.

You go to Blockbuster?

Only when you're not here. Or being weird.

Oh. Sorry about last time.

I was going through a thing.

I don't… I don't really want to see your tattoos.

You don't?

[hesitates] Oh, I mean, unless you want to show me them.

[chuckles] Why don't we start with a movie?

-You mean like a date? -Yes, a date.

If you want to--

[chuckles] Or we could start there.

♪ Kiss me baby ♪

♪ Under the starlight, light ♪

♪ I'll not say it ♪

♪ I wanna be with you ♪

♪ All night, all night ♪

-[chuckles] -[chuckles]

-Why are all the lights off? -[switch clicks]

-[screams] Oh my God! -Oh my God! [hesitates]

[Tanya gasps, hesitates]

[chuckles] My bad.

-[pants] -[Hayley] Yeah I'm… I'm all for this.

Just don't really want to have to see it.

-You know? -[switch clicks]

♪ Kiss me baby ♪

♪ Under the starlight, light ♪

♪ I'll not say it ♪

♪ I wanna be with you ♪

♪ All night, all night ♪