Original subtitles

- Yes, sir. WAVERLY: May I have your report, please?

We're on the last leg of the pre-conference security tour.

Nothing unusual so far. We've checked all roads to Geneva.

There's not even an out-of-place elf in the forest.

Good. I'm taking my flight to Geneva this afternoon.

- I'll meet you at our office there. - Yes, sir.

Well, boys will be...

We can't get a word out of the boy...

except to demand that we obey the rules of the Geneva Convention.

We have an enlarged photograph of the crest on the boy's blazer.

It seems to be the official emblem of something called the School at Figliano.

Our local research indicate there is such a school...

near the village of Figliano, run by a Captain Dennis Jenks.

What does Thrush want with a private boys' school?

I will send two of my men and check it out.

I'd like Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin to go, if you don't mind, Carlo.

Of course I don't mind, Alexander.

But I am sure you wouldn't want to infer that my two men...

are not as capable as these two gentlemen.

I'm sure they are, Carlo.

However, these two will still have to make security analyses...

of our other transportation possibilities.

And it might be nice if they could stop off at the school...

on the way and check it out.

You're assuming that our conference...

on Western Hemisphere Section One leaders...

will somehow be jeopardized by a boys' school?

Possibly...

if it's used by a Thrush as a cover.

If Thrush would make an attempt on the conference...

It's only an assumption of mine, Carlo.

But, of course, you are the host and the one responsible.

In arranging a conference of this importance...

I quite naturally made arrangements for an alternate location.

Cancel the reservation at the Geneva Hotel and confirm the alternate location.

The lodge at Enciente.

Our new cover will be that the meeting is an international bankers' meeting.

You will receive the new identification passes when you return.

I think you'd better begin your assignment at once.

Keep in touch with the communications section here.

I suppose you would want me to furnish you with another car.

No, this time we'll take the train.

Thank you, anyway.

Naughty boy.

Naughty boy.

Oh, darling, I didn't expect you back so early.

There wasn't any point in my staying on in Geneva.

They moved the U.N.C.L.E. conference to another location.

- I don't where it might be. - Now, now, I know you must be exhausted.

Huck, dear, would you ask Tom to come in, please.

Well...

Now, tell me all about it.

Well...

It wasn't bad enough...

that Tom let the boys get out of hand this

morning on maneuvers and attack that car...

but it turns out that the car was driven by two U.N.C.L.E. agents.

- What if the boy talked? - He won't talk.

Look, if he was gonna talk...

this place will be crawling with U.N.C.L.E. agents.

Yes, but we must remember he was wearing one of our blazers, mustn't we?

- Hmm? - Oh.

School authorities will send someone to investigate.

I'll make my usual denials. And before they can prove anything...

we'll move the school to Southern California where we'll be safe.

Oh, I know what a disappointment that must be to you, Dennis.

Why, I keep thinking what Thrush Central is going to say.

You know, they're the ones that put the money up for this pilot project.

That U.N.C.L.E. conference would've been a perfect place to launch Operation PENROD.

We could've wiped out the entire Western Hemisphere Section One of U.N.C.L.E.

The organization would have fallen apart. - Now, now, now.

- Everything is going to be all right. - I don't know.

- Oh, yes. You'll see. - Oh.

It's going to be all right.

I don't know what I'd do without you, Yvonne.

Standing by me all these years.

All those schools where I was headmaster.

- And all those... - Brutality.

Brutality trials, yes.

Shh.

Come in.

- You wanted to... - Shh.

You wanted to see me, Mother Fear?

Yes, Tom.

What arrangements have you made for replacing the boy?

There's a recruit coming on the afternoon train.

Are you sorry for what happened this morning, Tom?

You are, aren't you?

- Yes, Mother Fear. YVONNE: And you, Huck, are you sorry?

Well, it wasn't my fault. This stupid oaf...

Are you sorry, Huck?

- He let the boys out in the woods. - Are you sorry?

I'm sorry, Mother Fear.

And it won't happen again, will it?

Good. Because if it does, I'm gonna have to take the strap to you.

This is the last tunnel before Figliano.

If we use this train, how many men do you think we'll need for onboard security?

Oh, about a dozen, I suppose.

All right, I recommend that we send three of the Section One men on the train.

And I will send three by helicopter.

And the rest can go on their separate automobiles.

That should be sufficient diversification...

if Thrush decides to mount a mobile assault.

Ricardo.

It's all right. It's all right.

- I'm very sorry. - It's all right.

It's just a toy, of course.

- Is the boy...? - Oh, no.

I work for a social-service agency.

I'm taking Ricardo to a placement center in Milano.

I see. Well, this is Illya Kuryakin, I'm Napoleon Solo and you're...?

- Anna Paola. - Why don't you...?

Yes, thank you. I must apologize again for Ricardo.

They say there is no such thing as a bad boy...

and that's what I keep telling myself over and over and over.

I take it you don't care much for children.

To tell you the truth, I cannot stand children.

Not at all. My family, 10.

All of them younger than I am. So I have to take care of them.

And then as soon as I am old enough...

everyone thinks I should marry and have lots of children...

for me to look after.

Then I made up my mind and I left home.

And the only job you could get was with a social-service agency.

Exactly.

Displaced children. Lost souls without anything.

Without a family.

They drive me just as crazy as my own brothers and sisters.

Like this Ricardo.

What else does Ricardo do?

He pulls emergency carts.

He's quite a young man, this Ricardo.

Yes, he is. Isn't he?

Excuse me, but have you seen Ricardo? He's missing.

I think he tried to run away.

Would you please help me, please? Please.

All right. We'd be delighted.

- I'll take this end of the station. - He's probably armed and dangerous.

- Have you seen him? - No.

Ricardo. Ricardo.

Very unsanitary.

No one has seen either of them.

First, I lost Ricardo, then you lose your friend.

Shouldn't we call the police?

No, not just yet. I have a hunch my friend isn't lost.

But what about Ricardo?

I don't think Ricardo is, either.

I have a sweet tooth.

Very unsanitary.

Well, not bad, young man. Not bad.

Blow-ups from photographs of your Mr. Waverly.

Of course, he'll do much better when he gets a crack at the real thing.

Tom here will show you to your room.

And this school of yours is quite an innovation.

I imagine the class reunions would be quite fascinating.

We train our boys in the arts too.

Keeps them well-rounded.

Yes, Thrush will have the best trained...

most highly-educated operatives in the world, Mr. Kuryakin.

Well, I've taken displaced children from all over the world...

and taught them to accept discipline.

Don't you think you're being too academic? We're on to you. That's why I'm here.

Yes.

And you wouldn't have moved the conference location.

Where?

- Sorry, we want it to be a surprise. - Ah.

Torture, then?

You're the headmaster.

Well, I wouldn't expect an U.N.C.L.E. agent...

to break down under your everyday ordinary torture...

so I've arranged something special.

How special?

Tea, Mr. Kuryakin?

It might be a little awkward, madam.

Well, you don't need to be so formal, Mr. Kuryakin.

Why don't you call me Mother Fear?

Well, that's very kind.

Well, that's very sweet of you to think so.

Now, tea.

How's that? Too hot?

Very refreshing, thank you.

Illya, dear, when was the last time you told your mother that you loved her?

Well, sent her flowers?

Thanked her for all the little things she's done?

Told her how much you care?

I must warn you I don't have any guilt feelings...

for you to prey upon.

Or any resentment.

Well, that's nice.

So you want to be a good boy?

Tell me all about the new location for the U.N.C.L.E. conference.

You heard me. I asked you a question.

I want you to mind me. Answer me.

I knew it would come to this. You're disobeying me.

You know what I'm going to have to do, don't you? You'll be sorry.

I'm gonna have to take the strap to you.

I closed the front of the shop.

- Now, what do we do? - I'm going to the school.

I want you to stay here and keep an eagle eye on this group.

I cannot help worrying about Ricardo. I wonder what they have done to him.

They're probably making him a little more efficient.

I do care about him.

And then I think I would like to get my hands on him.

You don't have to like someone to feel responsible, you know?

Don't you?

Sometimes.

Don't worry. I'll find Ricardo for you.

May I come with you?

No, no. I want you to stay here and keep an eye on this group.

I don't want them warning the school, all right?

All right.

You will take care of yourself, won't you?

It's just that I don't want to have to worry about you too.

Since you put it that way...

Mother Fear will see you now.

Well, tell her the school inspector is here and I'm in a hurry.

S-O-L-O. Solo.

You will find the name in your Thrush manual.

Napoleon Solo. Look it up. Look it up.

Now, how many of you spotted him?

Very, very good. Now, let's see how he handles himself.

Now, he's on to the hidden camera. And he found that very quickly, didn't he?

And he's out of range.

Now. Now, let's see what he does.

Now, if he's very, very clever, he won't go through the front, will he?

He'll assume that since we're watching him...

we'd block that exit.

Now, how many of you...

think he'll try to make his break across the athletic field?

How very right you are.

All right, you.

He fouled up the whole maneuver. Get him.

Here, take my gun.

Get him!

Now, he did very well until this part.

What's the matter?

He let friendship get in the way.

He just might have escaped by himself.

Hurry.

We'll have to give Mr. Solo a C-minus on this.

Have you reconsidered, Mr. Solo?

No, I don't think so.

You see? It isn't all work here at the Figliano School.

This is our train room.

A new concentrated nerve gas.

One whiff is enough to kill a dozen men.

Those little flat cars are designed so that if there's a collision...

or if the train is derailed, they'd tilt over and spill out their contents.

Very realistic, isn't it?

What would you like me to do?

You will have to prevent the trains from colliding, Mr. Solo.

You can manipulate all of the switches from the control board in front of you.

You sure you wouldn't like to tell me the new location...

of the Section One conference?

I'm running short of time.

No, I don't think so.

I'll control the speed of the trains from in here.

Any time you wanna stop, you know what to say.

Board!

I'll increase the speed, Mr. Solo.

It seems that our people in Geneva have discovered the new conference location.

So I see no point in ruining two perfectly good trains.

But you've tricked him, Dennis.

- We don't know the location. - No.

That's nice. But why?

Well, when we allow Mr. Solo to escape in the morning...

he'll lead us there himself.

What?

Yes. I know, I know, it is late.

I am very sorry, but I was told not to let you out of my sight.

We're supposed to wait here until we hear from Mr. Solo.

I'm sure he'll be back at any moment.

- Good morning, darling. - Good morning, Yvonne.

- Are they all onboard? - Yes, dear.

Tom, go and take care of them.

But make their escape convincing. Don't let them get away too easily.

Yes, sir.

Ready?

The bus is leaving and one of the faculty is on the way here.

Well, what do you propose we do?

Oh, I see.

You're gonna climb up above the door and then when he comes into the room...

you're going to drop down on top of him.

Well, come out here.

You coming?

What's going on here? Who are you?

- How are you? - Fine, I hope.

Let's take the car. It will be considerably faster than the truck.

- Where are you going? - We've got to get to a certain lodge.

- How well do you know the countryside? - Very well.

Perhaps you wouldn't mind giving us some directions?

They've left the school.

As soon as I can determine their destination, I'll let you know.

I don't want to interfere, but why don't you telephone the lodge?

We picked the lodge because of its inaccessibility.

They don't have telephones.

And we've been relieved of our communicators.

You don't happen to know a shortcut to Enciente, do you?

Yes. There is a mountain road a few minutes from here.

- It is much shorter than going this way. - Let's try it then.

- Yes, Huck. - They've taken a back road.

We'll stay on the main highway. You keep following them.

Contact me as soon as you confirm their destination.

And when I'm sure?

Well, you did put the remote-control device in their car, didn't you?

Yes, sir.

Things are going very well for you, Dennis.

Yes, aren't they?

Dennis, not in front of the children.

Well, did you make their escape convincing?

- Yes, sir. - Good.

We'll need you for a backstop. Stay about a half a mile behind us.

Yes, sir.

For you. Chocolates.

Oh, well, you shouldn't have had it gift-wrapped.

It was in the car.

- What is the matter? - A bomb.

A special transistorized device.

They can detonate it by remote control.

It's an old Thrush trick.

Will it spoil anyone's ride if I tell him that this gun isn't loaded...

and that we're being followed?

- For how long? - Definitely since we got onto the cutoff.

How long before that, I don't know.

- Why would they follow us? - They wouldn't.

Unless Thrush didn't know the new location of the conference and wanted us to escape.

Once they know, they'd wanna be rid of us.

They have taken the turn off to Enciente.

They're probably heading for the lodge. All right then, explode them.

Ten...

Nine. Eight.

Seven. Six.

Five, four, three...

two, one.

Too bad.

He did have the right-of-way, you know?

What happened?

I was attacked by a savage band of children.

They robbed us, took our bus and left us here.

What did they steal?

Our choir robes, all our music arrangements.

- Fiends. Demons, I tell you. - Where were you taking your group?

To the Enciente Lodge.

They were to sing for the bankers' convention.

Wait!

Wait for me!

You cannot leave me with all those children.

Mr. Waverly, Mr. Farenti.

Lovely place, Alexander.

Yes, isn't it?

Now, we do it just the way we rehearsed it.

After "Lullaby," we go into "Frère Jacques."

After the second chorus, Bill here steps forward for the solo.

Come on.

And after the solo...

you keep your eye on me for the cutoff.

And when I do this: Get ready.

And when I do this: You take out your guns and you kill them.

Now, don't be nervous. You're all are gonna be just fine.

Too bad your Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin are not here yet.

Yes, isn't it?

We're scheduled to go on right after the dessert.

The boys have their guns under their choir robes.

And after "Frère Jacques"...

they take out their guns and open up on the room.

That's nice, Dennis.

What key would you like it in?

Uh...

I must say, Alexander, you are a very patient man.

- How's that, Carlo? - If it were two of my agents...

I would be very worried.

But however, your two men are so outstanding that...

Thank you for reminding me, Carlo.

I'd almost forgotten about them.

I think I'll check with our communications people.

See if they reported in yet. Excuse me, will you?

Tom and Conrad are outside.

I haven't heard from Huck. I don't like it.

I think we'd better move our program ahead, Dennis.

I'll get the boys.

We'll give it to them during the main course.

- Any news? - I beg your pardon?

I said did you hear anything about...?

Can't hear a thing because of those...

The other half of the brother acting.

Yeah, with an accompanist on the roof.

All right, I'll take the one on the roof. You draw their fire.

See if you can get that gun and cover me.

What if I try for the roof and you go for the gun?

Illya!

Out of the way, kid.

Put the gun down, Mother Fear.

Don't crowd mother.

I did not know the cake was loaded.

Tie my shoelace, my tooth hurts, give me a glass of water...

tell me a story.

But they are my weakness, you see?

Yes, I see. Where is Ricardo?

I left him with the conductor.

In chains, I trust.

Oh, Ricardo really isn't that bad.

He just needs someone to look after him.

Well, you and your agency will have that chance...

now that you've assumed responsibility for the boys Thrush has recruited.

Thank you so much for everything.

Mr. Solo!

- What? What is it? - Ricardo is missing.

Well, not exactly missing.

I borrowed your young man for a few minutes.

Oh.

I'm sorry about that.

But he insisted on having some chocolate.

I could hardly refuse him.

- After all, boys will be bo... - Yes.

Won't they?