All language subtitles for Laughing.All.the.Way.2023.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY

Hi.

Hello.

There you are.

What is the deal?
Where is she?

Hair and makeup are doing finals.

She'll be out any minute.

Cue cards? Really?
She has three lines to remember.

Yeah, but with copy this good,
she wants to make sure

to really nail it.
I'm sorry.

When the agency wanted that guy
who ate all those hot dogs,

it was me who fought for Bella
because I'm old enough

to remember when she was a big deal.

And I thought you were just
fresh out of film school.

Okay, listen,

Bella is incredibly humbled that
you chose her to represent,

um... Oma Wender's
Christmas Soda.

No.

- That sounds delicious--
- No, darling.

You are not going to
make me wear this Santa hat.

I didn't spend an hour in the chair,

so that I could look like
someone who just waltzed

out of Deep Discount Depot.

No, no. You look... fabulous.

All right, let's get
final touches in here.

Okay, let's hurry up.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you, that's good.
Thank you. Excellent.

Gorgeous!

Okay, I think we're ready to go.
Ready, Bella? Action!

Hello, I'm comedienne
Bella Deldomino,

here to share

my favorite holiday treat

from Ardenville's
historic craft soda makers,

Oma Wenders.

Oh!

Yes! Um...

Just like Christmas.

Um, cut.

Can we take five?
Aubri!

Can we just take five?
Five.

Take five.

Hi. Okay. You good?

Let me tell you...
when my taste buds grow back.

Well, if you get it in the next take,

you won't have to drink anymore.

I can't do it.

What do you mean you can't?

- I'm sober now.
- It's not alcoholic.

You're joking.

Uh... what do you propose we do?

Fill it up with paint thinner;
it'd go down a lot easier.

Ladies?

Just one second, please.

Okay, I can go grab a bucket,
and then you can take a sip,

and then you can spit it right
out, and then they can--

they can cut to a shot of
a bottle or something.

- Can you handle that?
- Okay.

But don't you ever say that I
never did anything for you.

Well, we don't have
all day to go over everything

that is wrong about
the sentence you just said.

I'd love to listen to you, darling,

but I'm kind of trapped in that moment.

Okay, I, uh, will go
speak to the director.

Oh!

- Uh...
- Oh!

The thing is,
when Bella was six years old,

the color green was very
triggering for her.

Oh, darlings, thank you so much.

You were all
so wonderful to work with. Oh!

Now, if you ever need
tickets to the Comedy Club,

just reach out to Aubri, day or night.

Day, please, thank you.

Okay, we need to get downtown ASAP, okay?

What for?

For the interview. I sent you
the questions last night.

Did you pick your
favorite Christmas memory?

I can't because the really
good ones I can't remember,

and the other ones, I'd be
breaking an NDA to share them.

What am I gonna say?

Bella, you pay me to write your
jokes, not your life story.

What about when you were
writing my autobiography?

There must be something there.

We didn't get past
the chapter on pre-nups.

Oh...

Okay. You said last Christmas
was your favorite ever.

Why don't we work off of
something like that?

It was great.
My set just killed;

I booked two late-night gigs out of that.

I just want to be more
relatable, you know?

I don't want to be all show business-y.

I want to be more ordinary,

you know, like you or one of them.

Okay, uh...

Okay, when I was a kid, growing up,

all my cousins, aunts and uncles,

they would stay over on Christmas Eve

so we could open the gifts
together in the morning,

and, oh, this, this was my time to shine--

Aubri, if you're trying to convince me

to never have children,

darling, that ship has sailed.

But Mom actually would stop me

at 8 p.m. to honor Santa's
favorite song, "Silent Night",

because she said that Santa

actually wouldn't fill my stockings

if I played the part
of Tiny Tim after sundown,

and you know, when I think about it now,

actually, I think she was--

And you know Santa was right, darling.

Shh!

I'm almost dizzy from listening to you.

Now, make that a whole lot
shorter and a whole lot funnier.

We've got an interview on our hands.

I-I was, uh, being vulnerable, but...

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got the door. Here.

Aubri?

I really hope those
deliveries get here today.

All these people performed here?

Yep, it actually used to be
a speakeasy back in the '20s,

before becoming a hot spot for comedians.

Mike Baxter?
I love his movies.

Oh, the old ones,

before he started playing
addicts and fathers.

What?
No, I love those.

His comedy is, I don't know, a
little bit too juvenile for me.

Well, that's his early stuff,

right after Saturday
Sketch Club.

With all these people here,

how could you not sell out
the Christmas Variety Show?

Because none of these people
ever came back to the club.

No, no, they work on their material

on our small suburban stage,

and then they ride off into the sunset.

So, who do you have booked so far?

We've got a couple of local bands, ooh,

and a Mark Twain impersonator.

Although, he says he only does late Twain.

It's not my fault.

Everybody is booked for the holidays.

Hey, cuz, what happens if you
don't sell it out?

Well, let's see...

I lose my job, hopes and dreams dashed,

five of the best years of my life wasted.

Oh, and I get to move back in with my mom.

So, there's that.

Oh, yikes.

The club's not that big.

How hard could it be to sell it out?

On Christmas Eve?

The one night where people actually prefer

to stay home with their families?

- It's not gonna be easy.
- Yeah.

Guess Santa is the only one
you ever hear about

leaving his home on Christmas Eve, huh?

- You think I'm doomed?
- Nah.

I will start by putting
this on the platform.

Oh, actually,

do you mind signing for the deliveries,

and then I will manage
to get this guy up there.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh! You're heavy.
Okay.

All right.

Two steps left.
Ehh...

My right, actually.
Spin!

Big spin!
Excellent form.

Will you two be performing
at the open mic on Thursday?

Well, he's a little shy

because, last time, he melted in front of...

Uh, Mike... Baxter. What are--

What are you doing here?

Uh, just seeing if I have a
future in choreography.

Hi, Mike.

- Hi. What's your name?
- Uh, Aubri Wilson.

- Hi.
- Sorry, I didn't...

Just I didn't hear about your...

No, I'm sorry for the Frosty dance.

I, uh...
I just thought I'd stop by.

This is where
I got my big break.

I saw that the--

Mike Baxter?
Is that you, Mike Baxter?

Shouldn't you be out
losing millions of dollars

for a studio somewhere?

Bella Deldomino.

They told me to take the season off.

Something about chapter 11.
I don't know.

But what brought you
back here from the mount?

Oh, you know, Christmas
is a time for charity,

so I started thinking, "Who do I
know that needs help the most?"

And immediately, you came to mind.

Oh, still as sweet as ever.

Tell me, how does a guy get
stage time these days, huh?

Oh, come on, Mike.
You're a big Hollywood star.

You don't need to be doing stand-up.

Well, it sounds like my agent
already got to you.

Well, I'm up for this big action movie,

a superhero thing called Rooster Man.

It's a working title.

A-ha! Will the special effects people,

will they be able to
finally make you funny?

Or will they just have
you shooting laser beams?

Well, he's a superhero

with a sense of humor,

so I thought I'd try to remind
Hollywood and you, apparently,

that I'm still hilarious.

Absolutely. Well, you know, this is not

our busiest time of the year,
darling, as you know.

But maybe it will be with you here.

I mean, you're welcome to step
on that stage any time, sir.

Well, I really appreciate that.

The competition looks fierce.

I hear she has a line on a
fantastic dancing snowman act.

Yes, if he can get over his nerves,

we might really have something.

You guys are trying
to make a joke about me.

I don't think it's funny.

Bella, if I was making a joke about you,

I definitely would have
mentioned your jewelry.

How does your neck stay up?

Do you have a chiropractor on call?

Mikey, Mikey,

you're reminding me, giving me flashbacks

of that day you left for California. Oh!

I was so happy that day.

All right, I gotta go.

Nice to meet you, Aubri.

It is so nice to see you.

Hi.
What the--

Howdy.

That was Mike Baxter.

Oh, yeah. You missed me a lot.

How does he know your name?

You are getting the deliveries next time.

Thank you so much for having us.

DRXL is our favorite station.

Hey, I brought you some coffee.

Oh, you're a lifesaver.
Just in time.

Oh, they're starting.

Good evening. I'm Robert Busby,

and we're kicking off
Ardenville's Christmas Fest

with our hometown funny lady,

Bella Deldomino, the star and owner

of the legendary Comedy Club.

You know, it's a Christmas is a special

time of the year
for us at the Comedy Club.

We are laughing all the way,
and we truly believe

celebrating can be made so much
better with a two-drink minimum.

Remember when I used to
interview you in our treehouse,

back when you were going to be
the world's biggest movie star?

Well, mom said, "Acting
is a hard knock life.

"Everybody wants to be in the movies.

"Get a real job, kid."
So, I did.

My real job is a joke-writer

for a woman who texts
with her pointer finger.

Oh, don't sell yourself short.

You're also her personal assistant.

Thanks.

So, I couldn't help but notice

you've decorated every inch of
the club in string lights,

while your own home
looks like a troll cave.

Okay, well, the Comedy Club is my home,

and, well, being on the road
with the comedienne herself,

Oh, perfect.
Then, I can have your apartment.

Consider it your
Christmas gift to me.

Actually, if I remember correctly,

my Christmas present was getting
you this job.

And you should pay attention

because you could learn a lot from Bella.

I'm learning a lot more from you.

Now, she might be the face,
but you're the talent.

No, I can't do what Bella does.

- I'm way too shy for that now.
- You can handle it.

No. The Comedy Club has a legacy.

Okay, Bella saved it from a bulldozer.

Do you know how many legends
have performed there?

It's launched, I don't know,
a thousand careers,

and that woman, she did that.

And I saw this as an opportunity

to dance and sing

and say jokes that
I'd learned off the TV.

What about your career?

Haven't you ever considered
getting out on that stage?

I love writing, I do, and
Bella promised to introduce me

to some of her literary agent friends.

So, I will get to a writer's room.

There's a ladder to climb.

It's been five years.

Maybe start looking for an elevator?

Tell us, what's your
favorite Christmas memory?

Well, oddly enough, Robert,

it's also the beginning
of my comedy career.

I still remember to this day,

just like it was yesterday,
when I got my first laugh.

It was my mother.

Of course, it would
have been a whole lot better

if it hadn't been Mom.

At least she gave
your story a happy ending.

I did that.

Yeah. One of the perks of
being a writer is that

you never need therapy if you
can just change the ending.

Now, we're happy to hear that
the Comedy Club is partnering

with Oma Wenders to not only
sponsor Ardenville's

Christmas Fest, but to bring
back the variety show.

It's been a while since
the Comedy Club hosted.

Yes, it has.

Eight years since you've hosted.

She's looking at me, isn't she?

Yes, yes. Yes, it has.

Who will be performing at the big show?

Um, well...

Christmas is full of surprises, isn't it?

So, I don't want to say too much too soon.

Very true.

Well, Christmas is still three weeks away,

so we're going to be following
up with you. But until then,

we hope to see you at all the
holiday events around town.

Oh, I hope so, too.

Was that good for you?

You didn't tell her
about the variety show.

Nope.

And you thought that was a good idea?

At the time, yes.
Not so much anymore, no.

The Comedy Club is
sponsoring the Christmas Fest

and the Christmas Variety Show?

You know why we had to nix
that years ago, don't you?

Because nobody wants to leave
their house on Christmas Eve,

and we would have to
sell out the entire show

just to break even.

Yeah, but the show,

the show was legendary;
it launched so many careers.

And all those network
execs and studio heads,

I mean, they all used to
celebrate Christmas at the club.

That was back in
the day of covered wagons,

when there were only three TV networks.

Well, you finally agreed to
sponsor the Christmas Fest,

I just-- I assumed that the
variety show was part of it.

The city is so excited, Bella.

This is a Christmas tragedy.

I don't have to go to any of those events,

just because I'm sponsoring them, do I?

Well, you are a beloved local celebrity.

- I'm sure you're gonna have--
- Local, Aubri?

I think I have a little more
range than local, Aubri.

Of course.

So, just cancel it.

Bella, the Comedy Club has to
show up to some key event,

and we also have to donate

the proceeds of the
variety show to a charity.

- What charity?
- Children's Hospital.

The one charity
I can't back out of.

Okay, we can invite industry bigwigs.

Maybe even your agent literary friends,

you know, the ones that you
promised to introduce me to.

It'll be great.

The variety show almost
destroyed my career

and brought the Comedy Club down.

What happened?

I remember the first Christmas,

I was so excited to be part of it,

but I had no idea then how
difficult it was to sell out

a show on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, but we can send out
industry invitations today.

We can publicize it on our social media.

We can tell everybody
and it's gonna be great.

Industry big wigs do not laugh.

And the few local people who showed up,

they couldn't carry the show.

There wasn't enough of them.

Oh, I totally bombed.

I can't tell you how many gigs I missed

because of that
Christmas Variety Concert,

and I've been trying to crawl my
way back ever since.

Yeah, you're right.

This is on me and I will fix it.

- I'll think of something.
- Good.

- Chop, chop.
- Yeah.

They published another list

of all the young actresses you've dated?

Do you know how often
I have to convince people

that my brother's not a creep?

Are the influencers on that list
too or just the actresses.

Look, I've never even met half
the women on this list, okay?

Except for Margot.

I'm kidding. I have moved on
from all that.

Okay? Enough professional faceplants

and your priorities start to change.

Yeah, well, your career will bounce back.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Those movies were pretentious,
exploitative,

never-ending.

- Oh!
- But don't get me wrong,

you really great in them.

Oh, thank you.
That's really sweet of you.

And two eggnogs
and two cinnamon rolls, please.

Thank you so much.

I gotta go. Text me when
you're done shopping.

Yeah.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

I saw you while I was in line

and thought you might need some eggnog.

Don't worry; it's not alcoholic.

Although, I did see a few people

throw caution to the wind
at 9 a.m. on a Tuesday.

No, thank you.

I've already had my cup of
heavy cream this morning.

Were you always this prickly
or did Bella drain

all the Christmas spirit from you?

Okay, now, you've put me in a
position where I'm some Grinch,

just because
I don't want your eggnog.

As her heart shrunk two full sizes.

For Christmas.
And so, you'll leave me alone.

What's in there?

Oh, nothing. Just...

thoughts, ideas, jokes.

You're a comic?
You seem so well-adjusted.

A writer for Bella.

And you never wanted
to get on stage yourself?

Once upon a time.

And then, what happened?

Someone threw a tomato too hard once?

My words are much better
coming out of Bella's mouth.

Well, as someone who has spent years

saying someone else's words,

I am thrilled to speak for myself again.

You don't enjoy movies.

Bella would kill for your career.

She would commit battery for a callback.

The money's okay,
but what I'm really in it for

is the constant public scrutiny.

That's why I love a comedy club.

The scrutiny is much more intimate.

Yeah, well, forgive me
if I don't shed a tear

for the successful actor
up for an action-hero film.

If you tell me what's in your notebook,

I'll try to forgive you.

Well, the tree lighting
ceremony is tonight.

There are Christmas jokes, just
to kick off the festivities.

Oh, great! This is great!
Let's-- let's hear one.

No!

Yes!

No, you're--
you're Mike Baxter.

I could never read them to you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't think of me
as Mike Baxter, the comic.

Think of me as the guy
who's sitting next to you

and desperately loves jokes.

Very persuasive.

Okay.

I have this bit about how my mother

is impossible to buy presents for.

So, this year, I actually asked
her to tell me what she wants.

And then, what she wants,
I can't seem to find anywhere.

And well, the punchline is

that what she wants most is for me

to find better health insurance.

- That's good.
- Yeah?

That's good.
What if you somehow got hurt

while you're searching for it?

- Like sprained my ankle.
- Yeah.

At least you think you did.

You're too worried to go
to the doctor to find out.

Are you sure

you want to be an action hero

because comedy suits you pretty well.

Well, the Rooster Man is funny.

- He's funny.
- The Rooster Man...

See? You've just heard the name
and you're already laughing.

Oh!
Oh, it's Bella. I better go.

Right now?
What? Is the club on fire?

Uh, no.
The Comedy Club's closed.

That right there is the
star of the town tonight.

Oh, this is why
I love Christmas;

people coming together just to
watch a switch get flipped.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

I'll be there, front row.

Back row? What?

Uh, I just-- I don't want
Bella to get upstaged.

I will be incognito,
I promise.

- Like the Rooster Man.
- Hmm.

I don't actually know what his deal is.

Is he the one with the laser
thingies or is he invisible?

Well, he's a rooster.

So, he has razor-sharp talons

and he can more, like,
glide short distances.

Don't forget, he's funny.

He is a grown man with talons, so...

Hilarious.

Oh, you forgot your, uh...

Eggnog.

I'll see you tonight.

Hey, maybe you will, maybe you won't.

Good news:

we just secured an improv group
for the talent show.

Amazing.
Second City?

Cook County Technical Institute.

But the good news is they said
they'd work for drinks.

That puts us at four acts only,

and we still need a headliner.

Bella, right?

No, she said she would rather
apologize to second husband

than go up during the variety show.

What about Mike Baxter?

Ian, he's an award-nominated actor.

I mean, there were Golden
Universe Awards or whatever,

but no, he's not doing our show.

Okay, I want you guys
to tell me the truth.

Is this too "Santa Baby"?

Eartha Kitt wishes.

Oh...
Aubri, who's your friend?

This is Ian, my cousin.

You hired him a month ago.

Oh, and I would hire him
again in a heartbeat.

You look ravishing, as always.

But I think that outfit might be
a bit too much for tonight.

It's pretty cold outside.
It's going to be freezing.

What are you talking about?

The gala is at the police museum.

No, no, no. No.

You are intro-ing
the tree lighting tonight.

I sent you the jokes yesterday.

I thought that was just banter
for the Italian beef hour

at the gala.

Besides, it's not like
I didn't tell you.

The Christmas Fest is
a really big deal, Bella.

If you saw the names of the
people on that list, Aubri,

you wouldn't be making such a fuss.

It's just a lot of people are
relying on you to be there.

And I'm relying on myself
to start networking.

I mean, why aren't I
in those superhero movies?

What do you think?
I can't play a chicken or a--

Or a sultry supervillain bent on revenge?

Oh, Aubri, how much are we paying

this delightful young man?

Very little.

Yeah.

Oh, it's my manager.

Okay, fix that tree thing.

Remember, I believe in you.

And you stay right where you are.

Hello.

- Thanks for encouraging her.
- Hey!

It's a bummer nobody will
hear your jokes tonight.

Oh, well, I'll have plenty more
opportunities before Christmas.

Why doesn't Belle invite you to her party,

so you can meet all her agent friends?

Oh, she says bringing her
assistant as her plus one

will make it seem like
she can't get a date.

I just met her and she seems
incredible, but seems like

she dangles a carrot to
keep you behind the scenes.

No, she supports my career.

Because it supports hers.

Next year will be different.

She knows how much this means to me.

And it's not like
I don't enjoy my job.

You're talented, cuz.

I just want to see you hit it big time

and not be a ghostwriter forever.

Thank you.

What's the deal with Bella?

Oh, uh, she sent her apologies,

but her dog was sick, and then got better,

and then got adopted,
so she had to deal with that.

But it all--
it all ended up working out.

I told Brittany at
City Hall this afternoon.

Well, she must have forgotten to
tell me because, in ten minutes,

I'm emceeing this thing

and I haven't even
started my vocal warm-ups.

I'm sure your elocution will be spot on.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...

Well, obviously,
we need someone to perform,

and that's gonna be you.

Me?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm a nobody. No.

Well, that's what I told them,
but my hands are tied.

They're your jokes.
Do it for Christmas.

No, they won't be the same.
I don't have Bella's delivery.

I... I haven't done my
vocal warm-ups either, so...

You can do it.

Yeah, well, whether you can
or can't, it's happening.

You're on in two minutes.

Two minutes.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

I'll go do sound check.
You got this.

Yeah. Okay.

Ooh... Okay.
Yeah, so, I'm gonna do it.

Psst. Hey, it's Mike.

Yeah, I know.

Mike Baxter.

Do I not look incognito?

No, you look like Mike Baxter
but in sunglasses.

Where's Bella?
Isn't she about to go on?

I'm filling in.
It's a whole thing.

- Great!
- No! No, no.

It's not great.
Nobody knows who I am.

Now, nobody knows who you are.

Now, I'm just the same nobody
but in sunglasses.

Look, you're gonna be--
you're gonna be great. Okay?

Just go out there
and have some fun with it.

They'll know you the next time.

Please welcome to the stage...

- Oh, no.
- Okay, no, no, no.

You're not going anywhere.
You got this.

- Okay.
- Okay, you got this.

...from our beloved Comedy Club,
Aubri Wilson.

Good luck up here.
They wouldn't give me an inch.

- Okay.
- That's my time.

Hello.
Merry Christmas, everybody.

Oh, I forgot to move this out of the way.

- Ardenville, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

As Robert said, I do,

in fact, work for
the historic Comedy Club.

You all look a little confused,
and you know what?

I am just as confused as you are.

Yeah, the more observant

in the audience may have noticed,

I am not, in fact,
Bella Deldomino.

Was it my bouncy,

radiant skin that gave it away?

- What?
- No?

Uh, well, can we give it up
for the Comedy Club?

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, I've been
there for about five years,

performing duties as,
to quote my business cards,

"crypt keeper".

Our hallowed halls are lined
with photographs of famous,

legendary comedians who have
graced our stage over the years.

They are icons,

the real who's who of Hollywood,

as in, "Uh, who's that again?"

Um... Well,

does anybody have someone in their life

that is just impossible
to buy presents for?

- Bella! Bella! Bella!
- Uh, anyone?

Bella! Bella! Bella!

See, my mother,

she's is one of those people.
Oh, I love my mother, but--

Bella! Bella! Bella!

Oh!

Uh, Mike Baxter, what are you doing here?

Mike Baxter!

Hi there.
I was just enjoying your set,

and it suddenly occurred to me

that I'm pretty sure my picture

is hanging on
the walls of the Comedy Club.

No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, allow me to clarify.

Yes, please, please clarify.

My earlier joke bore no
relevance to the defendant.

No, no, no! Not a defendant.

- No, no. No.
- A different word.

The all-around innocent...

Innocent!
We like that much better.

Michael...

Baxter!

You can get off my stage now.

And don't forget, tickets are
on sale for the Variety Show

Christmas Eve at the Comedy Club.

You really saved me up there.

Oh, come on. It's just tough
to deal with hecklers.

But that was great.
That was fun, right?

- It was fun.
- That was incredible.

I was so scared you were going
to bomb, I almost passed out.

Mike, this is Ian,
my very supportive cousin,

who always believes in me.

I'm such a big fan,

especially of your recent work.

Oh.

That scene where you forgave yourself

for not forgiving your son
for never forgiving you,

I felt that.

Well, he's a liar, but I like him.

Oma Wenders on the house,
sponsors of the event.

And Mr. Baxter, I'm really
hoping we see you and Belle

at some of our other holiday events.

Sure, count me in, anything Christmas.

This is gonna be the best

Christmas Fest
Ardenville has ever seen.

It's time for the tree lighting!

Oh, we're missing the--
the switch getting flipped.

Okay!

Ten, nine, eight...

Come on, come on, come on!

...six, five,

four, three, two, one!

Oh, my God!
What is this?

Oma Wenders.

It'll get easier the more you drink.

Oh, spicy!

Oh, it burns.
I like it now.

Just take out those two words there.

Oh, I heard you and Mike were quite a hit

at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony.

You know, it's hard for me
to picture you on stage.

It's really not in your wheelhouse, is it?

We had to promote the variety show.

Yeah, the ticket sales haven't been great.

You were lucky to have
some star power with you.

How did it work?

Well, we sold more tickets,
and acts are calling us now,

which means we can finally hold auditions.

No, I mean, how did it work,
your performance?

You know, I mean, your
writing skills are stellar.

But sometimes, stage work,

it requires a more...
commanding presence.

Well, Mike had enough
presence for the both of us.

Oh, well, I'm happy
that it went well for you.

But you know, it could
just be beginner's luck.

So, you don't want to get
too overconfident about it.

I mean, you're used to
seeing me kill on stage,

so you might forget
how embarrassing it could be

if the whole thing fell flat.

Well, you can dazzle audiences

in the Christmas Village walk-through.

Ehh. No.

Where's the drama?

It's too pedestrian.

No, you're not walking.

You're interacting with
people as they walk through.

And from what I'm told,

you are playing a
significant Christmas legend.

Oh, that sounds more like it:
Bella Deldomino,

Christmas legend.

There you go.

You're going to come with me, right?

Because, I mean, in case
I need to change the script,

I mean, I need you there.

Of course, I will be there, as always.

But you are a guest
on a podcast next week,

so let's focus on that next, okay?

♪ Christmas liqueurs...

Writing away?

Reminds me of when you were a kid,

always lost in your notebook.

Well, except
I'm not getting grounded

for ignoring my homework.

I haven't felt this
creative in a really long time.

Well, I made you some mint tea

for helping me bring the girls to school.

Oh, thank you.

Wait, school? I could have
sworn you said "racetrack".

I really appreciate you

for letting me crash at your place.

We love having you.

I mean, I wish you could have

stayed with us last year,
you and... Jessica.

She's left me for some football player,

then left him when his team
lost in the playoffs.

I think she has commitment issues.

Hmm.
That's one way to put it.

Well, she would have never stayed.

That bed is awful.

You said you slept well.

I did,
I said that, but I lied.

But hanging with family is
worth the kink in my neck...

and the nagging in my ear.

Yeah, well, just think,
if you had a family of your own,

you'd be able to experience this
kind of torture every day.

I do want a family someday.

It just hasn't been right.

- I have time.
- Mm-hmm.

Sorry.

- One sec.
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, Damon.

Is he on or isn't he?
Brandon, is he on?

He's here. Hi, Damon.

Mikey, my favorite client.
Sorry about that.

I had this new assistant forwarding calls

and it's just been a mess.

Right. You know, you could try
being a little more gentle.

What are you, my last assistant?

Listen, okay?
I'm calling to let you know

that things are going
well with Rooster, okay?

We have an offer?

Well, not an offer per se,

but they do want you to come back in

and read with the guy with
ho's doing the voice for--

what's the name of
that talking cow again? Um...

Agent Bo Vine.

Yes, that's the one.

By the way, they're going crazy

for your Christmas set
that you did with that woman.

They were thinking about rewriting

the cow and Rooster relationship

to have the same banter,
you know what I mean?

They saw that?

Everyone's seen it.

How is it possible that my own mother

knows more about social media than you do?

Well your mother doesn't get death threats

from teenage comic book fans.

Keep up the appearances, okay?

And we need more
viral moments to keep going,

so that the studio cannot say no.

You know, there was a time

when an actor could
just give a good audition.

Well, when you see that actor,
tell him I said good morrow.

Until then, let's keep
the viral moments coming, okay?

Viral moments...

You look amazing up there.
Your body's looking better.

But you know,
Rooster's a superhero.

You know what I mean?

- Goodbye, Damon.
- No, no, no, listen.

I'm just saying the carbs
at the dinner on Christmas--

The studio loved me at the tree lighting.

Apparently, I'm one step
closer to getting the part.

You don't seem excited.

No, I am.

I am. It's just...

...being back made me remember
how much I love stand-up,

being on stage,
being in front of an audience.

You don't have to be
a superhero to be successful.

I have to raise my profile.

I took a big hit with those indies.

Any lower and I'll be going out
for the voice of Agent Bo Vine.

Look, things are good.
Everything is good.

Good.

Bella, it's almost show time.

You're going to have to tell them

that I've got an emergency
with my dog or something.

Nope, I've already
used that one. You're stuck.

Now, please, just come on out already.

Look at this sack.

When you said a Christmas legend,

I imagined somebody much more glamorous,

not Santa's stay-at-home hag.

Oh, no. No.

No. Mrs. Claus is a business owner.

I mean, without her, the entire
operation just falls apart.

I mean, she, she is strong

and she is independent.

She's probably rich, too, right?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

You sure couldn't tell
from the horrible shoes.

Where is my husband?

Actually, I don't know,
but he better show up soon.

What is that noise?

Those are children, Bella.

Uh...
Robert is playing Santa

and he just texted that
he's caught in traffic.

So, we're going to have to do without him.

No. No.

Yes. Yes.

No, not alone.

You go, get a costume

or change into something less drab.

You want me?

We are going to do this together.

Aubri, don't you think that

if Mrs. Claus liked children,
she would have had some by now?

Uh...

Excuse me.
Where did you get that costume?

Okay, how excited are we to see Santa?

Very excited.

Oh!
Hey, Robert,

I'll call you right back.

- Hi.
- Mike, what are you doing here?

I brought my sister
and her girls to see Santa.

This is Olivia, this is Gabrielle.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

- How's it going?
- Good.

Well, our Santa's having a bit
of a panic attack on the I-94,

and the kids are lining up,
and Bella's the only one there.

This is an emergency.

Yeah, it's been quite the morning

and I don't know what to do.

I mean, I can't make the kids
wait any longer, so...

What?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- It'll be great.

- I don't think so.
- Mike...

Bella!

Good news, we have a...

What is this?

Mrs. Claus has turned
into a magnificent angel.

That's dark, don't you think?

Mike?

You can't be here, Mike.
This is my thing.

We have to have Mrs. Claus.

She hands out cookies.
Angels, they can't bake.

Angel cookies?
Angel food cake?

Angel cookies--
No, no, no.

The kids, they're out there and
they're expecting Mrs. Claus,

and there's feathers everywhere.

Bella, this is not gonna work
and we are late already.

If you are so concerned

about those so-called "kids",
you wear the sack.

Yeah, you put on the sack.

And look, I knew this
was going to be perfect.

- Oh...
- The gray!

- Really looks so good on you.
- Oh, yeah?

I mean, doesn't this
make a lot more sense?

Children.

Mm-hmm.

Oh!

Well, Merry Christmas, children.

Come and say hello
to Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Ho, ho, ho!

Welcome to my village!

Welcome to my village!

Mrs. Claus has been baking
cookies all day for you!

All right, all right, you sugar plums.

If you can just form a single line...

and Santa will hear
all your Christmas requests.

I forgot to mention,

I don't have a lot
of experience with kids.

Oh, you'll be fine.
They love Santa.

Okay, okay, everybody!

Take one cookie!

Okay, two!
Two cookies!

Okay, is there an elf that can help us?!

Okay, three!
Everyone gets three!

- Bella!
- Is there an elf back there?!

I'm here!

You've been bumped!

You can't bump Santa!

Oh, it happens, even to the best of us.

Mike! Aubri!

♪ Silent night
Shh...

Okay.
♪ Holy night

♪ All is calm

We're being calm.

♪ All is bright
But we're still having fun.

♪ Round...

Look!
You're under the mistletoe!

I got some great videos of you today.

You should post them.

Maybe not the ones of you
weeping like a small child.

All right, you know what?
You just witnessed a man

getting trampled by
cookie-deprived children,

and all you're doing
is trying to get views.

Hey, you wanted to connect
with your audience more.

This is the perfect way.

A little less terror
would have been better.

My agent thinks
it's helping with the studio.

Yeah, I'm sure.

You know, I think you should
show people the real you.

The kids, they loved you.
You were a big hit.

Yeah, well, Grandpa is pretty
bad with social media stuff.

Will you help me?

Yeah, of course.
And afterwards,

maybe I can even teach you
about internet dial-up.

What about tomorrow night?

Caroline's?

I hear they have a famous chocolate cake.

All right, you know what?

If you don't like chocolate cake,

I'm going to go hang with the shepherds.

It's just, we have an event this week

and Bella needs new material, so...

Well, if you want we could
work on jokes together.

I was planning on dropping in
for open mic night, anyway.

Yes, Bella would love it
if you went up. Yeah,

Why don't you come on stage with me?

- We'll do a set together.
- No.

Come on, it'll be fun. You could
always do your own set.

- Oh, no.
- It'll be fun.

- No.
- All right. All right. I tried.

I got to get back to my sister.

I'll see you tomorrow night,
eight o'clock.

Wow!

- Who's the hot date?
- Uh, not a date.

Okay? A work meeting.

I'm helping Mike with social media

and he's helping me with jokes.

He's a very lucky work colleague.

He doesn't see me like that.
Stars date other stars.

Yeah, well, last time I checked,

you're the funniest person I know.

Then, wish me luck...
with work.

- Uh-huh.
- With work.

Good luck.

Hi.

Excuse me, is the table
a little more private?

Thanks.

Okay, bye.

Thank you.

Okay...

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

If my agent asks,
I ordered cottage cheese.

Rooster?

They want this version of me
that doesn't exist.

Apparently, superheroes eat like monks.

Okay, and what do you want?

I want to enjoy my life
and make people happy.

I got Saturday Sketch Club at 19
and for the first time,

I was successful, but it felt like

I needed to prove myself as a real actor.

So, I started doing these
dramas, which all flopped,

and then it felt like I needed
to be on top to be happy.

Okay, so, the dramas flopped,
but why not go back to comedy?

I love comedy,

but I wanted to feel
in control of my life again.

You know, failed relationships
and box office disasters.

So, I took myself out of the
comedy game entirely,

put myself in early retirement.

Got myself a landline, and a walker,

and a whole bunch of hard candy.

Okay, well, to me, it seems like

you were afraid to fail at something

that was really important to you.

Well, right now all that's
important to me is carb-loading

before I need a six-pack.

Okay, you don't have to do that.

No, I do.
It's-- it's in my contract.

It's a contractual six-pack.

It's okay to be yourself, you know?

You don't have to prove anything to me.

Sometimes, it feels like

I need to prove to everyone

that I'm still that
19-year-old success story.

Is that why you're taking Rooster?

Because it seems to me
like you don't really want it.

I do.

It's the only way to come back on top.

I just want to make people smile again.

Well, for what it's worth,
you make me smile

without being star of
screen and stage Mike Baxter.

You're different.

I am talking so much.

Way too much. What about you?
What about your stage debut?

I mean, you've got that star quality.

Nobody can take their eyes off of you.

Is-is what everyone believes.

Not just me.

That's all I'm saying.

It's better for me off-stage, trust me.

Who told you that?

Everyone,

Bella, my mom, eighth-grade drama teacher.

No, to not even try, when you're
clearly as talented as you are,

it's absolutely crazy to me.

You owe it to yourself to try.

I have goals, I do.

My goal is to get in the writers room,

you know, write for stars like you.

Stars like me... Look, don't
waste your talent behind a desk.

You should make this
Christmas mean something.

It's the best time to follow your heart.

You might be surprised where it leads you.

Christmas has this way of giving
us exactly what we need.

- Bella.
- Hello, darling.

Thank you so much for fitting my
little show into your schedule.

Oh! Ha-ha!

Well, if having over a million
subscribers to a podcast

is little, then my fan base
is like a flea circus.

You must be so excited with
the Comedy Club going viral.

Oh, yes.
Well, Mike Baxter is performing.

Oh, it always makes us so happy

when our stars come back
home to their roots.

Absolutely.
Him and this new comic

are certainly causing a sensation,

oh, and promoting the Comedy Club.

New comic?

Yes, yes, yes.
Please tell me all about her.

I mean, breaking new talent

is part of the Comedy Club's legacy.

Uh-huh.

Huh?

Oh.

That's my assistant.

She has to get me coffee when I ask her.

Oh, well, that is so sweet of you

to give her a platform at Christmas.

She is clearly a rising talent.

May not be your assistant for long.

Aubri, say something into the mic quick.

Oh, hey, how was the podcast?

Well, good.

Insightful.

I had no idea that the club

was causing such a buzz on the internet.

Yeah, having Mike around helps a lot.

Yeah, of course it does.
He's a big star.

So, Aubri, how are tickets
going for the variety show?

Um, okay. I think as soon
as I secure a headliner,

then, uh, things should really pick up.

Yeah, it's tough, I know.

I'll tell you...

...I won't perform, but I will host.

Sure.

Yeah, I think everybody will love that.

I know they will.
Well, duty calls.

If the Christmas Fest needs me,

I'll be there.

Does this mean you'll be
attending other events?

What's next?

Twinkle Tunnel.

Ah. Is there an audience?

No, it's a tunnel.

But there will be at the Snowball Social,

which is right afterwards.

Okay, you can count on me.

I'll be there with a costume on.

Now, Aubri, I don't want you
filling in for me

any longer, darling.

I can tell by the state of your
under eyes that you are working

way, way, way too hard.

Now, and I'll need new material.

For tonight?

That is what
I pay you for, isn't it?

Not to be prancing around on stage,

flirting with Mike Baxter.

Uh, yes, I will send you some
new stuff this afternoon.

Excellent.
See that you do.

Well, that was a sudden change of heart.

No, no, I've seen this before.
When her last husband remarried,

she made me send all these fake
rumors to tabloids and stuff.

She must think Mike's
performing at the variety show.

Oh, it's too late now.

We've got some auditions to watch,

so I'm going to think about what
to do with that later.

I really think you should try and beatbox.

- I think you could do it.
- Oh, absolutely.

- Yeah, you could.
- Hey, guys.

Sorry, I'm late.
This is my sister Steph.

- Hi.
- Steph, this is Aubri.

- This is Ian.
- Nice to meet you.

Mike said you wouldn't mind if I watched.

I told her we were judging people,

and she forced me to bring her.

Not at all.
Please, take a seat.

Oh, wow.

I like the sweater.

- He's got a nice outfit.
- Thank you.

Aubri, I, uh--
I love you.

I really, really love you.

I really appreciate you.

- Can I start again?
- Sure, you can try again.

Yeah, one more try.

Keep-- keep taking lessons.

This is theatre.

My name?
Meaningless.

Oh, thank-- thank you.

I'm a poet.
The club.

Chicken club.
Turkey club.

Comedy club.

One, two, three. Christmas tree,

Aubri, you and me.

Oh! Oh!

- That's-- thank you.
- That's good.

Thank you.

It's okay.
I got one more.

You tell Luca to stay.

Luca's a method actor.

Oh, no, no.

It's gonna be okay.

Nice. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I loved the juggler.

The juggler might have been
my favorite, actually.

Thank you guys for letting me

put my judgmental skills to good use.

Let me know if you want tickets.

Oh, I would, but my husband
gets home on Christmas Eve,

and we have this tradition
of dinner and movies,

by which I mean takeout

and fighting over what movie to watch.

I guess most people are
staying home on Christmas Eve

instead of buying tickets, so...

You'll get your audience.

Yeah, hopefully, we will,
with these new acts.

Anyway, we should get back.
It's open mic night.

Good. I'll see you tonight.

Really?

Yeah, but keep it a secret.
I want an unsuspecting audience.

- See you tonight.
- See ya.

At Christmas, dads hold court.

We're the ones who have
a direct line to Santa.

Like, kids must laugh at our jokes, right?

Who's never hungry at Christmas?

I don't know.

Turkey!

- Because he's always stuffed.
- Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Remember
who's got the line to Santa.

Please, please, be nice, folks.

By the way, my name is Jeremy.

Oh, open mic is tough.

Dying is easy, comedy is hard.

That's why I always
stay behind the scenes.

Okay!

Let's all give it up for Jeremy!

Jeremy!

Good for you, Jeremy.

Okay, settle back, have a drink.

Our next comic will be
coming up in a minute.

Hey, how's the audience tonight?

Ooh, somewhere between
gazpacho and room temp.

Right where I like them.

You're not nervous?

I mean, this is your first
stand-up in years.

I'm excited.

I just hope they remember who I am.

Or at least forget my last movie.

They'll love you.

Why don't you go up there
and shine, super star?

All right, pretend to
laugh no matter what.

- Testing.
- Whoo!

Can we get some lights, please?

Stop it. Thank you. Thank you.
You're very kind.

Please, stop.

All right, keep it going, keep it going.

So, Christmas,
people talk about the parties,

the presents, the food.

But nobody talks about...

♪ The weird Christmas liqueurs

♪ Don't make me drink

♪ Your weird
Christmas liqueurs ♪

♪ It's like they mix vegetables
with some menthol ♪

♪ It tastes a lot like Pepto Bismol ♪

♪ Weird Christmas liqueurs

♪ Cherry, eggnog

♪ Pumpkin spice

♪ Before you drink it,
I would think twice ♪

♪ Don't give me your
peppermint matcha schnapps ♪

♪ I drank the whole shot

♪ And it gave me the craps

♪ Weird Christmas liqueurs

♪ Next year, I'll say...

♪ No thank you

Ladies and gentlemen,
I've got a big problem here.

It's a problem that has plagued
humanity for a very long time.

♪ Uh, uh, uh

♪ Should I buy a fake tree
or the real thing? ♪

♪ A pine tree has
a lot of needles to clean ♪

♪ I'm not saying that a real
tree ain't jing-a-ling ♪

♪ But do I want to do the extra
work and everything?

♪ I only have a six-foot ceiling ♪

♪ My vacuum will start squealing ♪

♪ I'm not saying that a real
tree ain't healing ♪

♪ But suddenly,
a fake one sounds appealing ♪

♪ I don't wanna be a Grinch to anyone ♪

♪ But I bet even Santa has a fake one ♪

♪ I'm not saying that
a real tree ain't fun ♪

♪ But this year
I'm going with a fake ♪

♪ Don't judge, son

All right, I'm getting a fake
tree this year, it's settled.

Thank you for helping me with that.

Well!

Wasn't that a triumphant
return to our stage?

Mr. Mike Baxter!

- Mike, what's new?
- Hey, I just got off stage.

Oh, man!
It felt so good to be back.

Excellent.
I'm actually on my way

to a Christmas party tonight,
but I wanted to tell you

the vids you sent me are catching fire!

Oh, that's great, but this...
this felt right.

You know, I think we should
start a tour, maybe a special.

Sure. After you land Rooster,

then you have carte blanche in Hollywood.

Well, right, but I may not get it.

Well, my buddy told me
that Harlow Studio execs

love that you're mingling with the people,

doing your Christmas thing.

I think you got it in the bag.

So, let's land this movie,
then talk about stand-up.

Do you think this is the right fit for me?

What if Rooster Man
is just another bad move?

You know, I can't afford another
swing and miss like that.

Stop, stop.
You're being paranoid, okay?

You're bigger than stand-up.
This is our way back to the top.

Don't blow it.

I just want to connect to people again

in a real way.

And you will... in Imax.

Listen, I gotta go, okay?

But I'm really happy you
had a good time tonight.

I will keep you posted

with everything to do with the studio.

You are so close.

It's so close, Mike, okay?

I gotta go. Talk soon.

Talk soon.

You know, one time
I bombed so badly,

the next guy up passed around a
hat to start my relocation fund.

I made more money that night
than I did the whole month.

I got laughs with the same
jokes at a club last night.

Look, there's
no substitution for stage time.

And just keep having fun, you know,

regardless of how they're reacting,

and they're gonna wanna join in.

Ah, it's great advice.
Thanks. I appreciate it.

You're a legend, Mike Baxter.

Oh, stop it.

Hey, chin up, it only gets harder.

Ha!

Look at you.

You were great tonight.
You killed it.

Thank you, thank you.
It felt great;

the happiest
I've felt in a long time.

You know, some people even like
to smile when they're happy.

Okay,

my agent thinks I need to focus
on acting, not stand-up.

Maybe you should just focus
on what makes you happy.

He said if I get the part,
I'll have carte blanche.

I was too embarrassed to tell him

I don't actually speak French.

Yeah, I'm sure you will,

right after the sequel, the crossover,

and the reboot where you pass the torch on

to a much younger,
much more bankable Rooster.

Mm. Mm-hmm.
Much younger, better. Mm-hmm.

You know, this Christmas,
I feel...

more alive than I have
for the last five years.

Why is that?

Well, a wise man once told me

that Christmas gives you
exactly what you need.

So, pay attention.

What if I fall on my face?
What if I fail?

Well, the Comedy Club is
actually hiring a janitor.

We don't offer benefits, but you
can get any show for free.

Laughing is so easy with you.

Well, I'm happy to help.

Now, chin up because it only gets harder.

Chin up, that was my line.

- Yeah.
- With Jeremy.

You just stole my line.

- Yeah, that's the whole point.
- I just said that.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Got you an omelet.
- Awesome.

I haven't had a chance
to eat breakfast yet.

- How much?
- It's on me.

Ian, I signed your paychecks,
I know how much you make.

It's fine. Tickets are at
a standstill for the show.

Even after Mike's performance last night.

I know, but we don't have an act
big enough to entice people

to leave their homes on Christmas Eve.

Honestly, everyone wants to
know if Mike will be there.

I do too.

Bella's coming.
Just don't mention anything.

Hi.

How about last night?

We got more hearts on our post than ever.

That's amazing.

I was thinking,

we should give some hot chocolate

to the people in the standby
line-up when we sell out.

What?
For eight, ten bucks a cup?

We will have to get them
to line up in the back,

out in the alley, because the front

is going to be VIP only.

VIP?

Casting agents and
network execs and directors.

Oh, they're starting
to swarm like sharks and I,

Bella, am finally the chum.

Ah, that's amazing.

Look,

this variety show is so important.

We've got to impress these
people or else, we're finished.

We don't want that.

So, tell me you have this Aubri.

Yes, I will take care of it.

It's New York.

Ah, New York.

This variety show,
it could really change my--

our career.

Yeah.

I'll see you both later.

Not if I see you first.

He slays me.

Oh!

- What am I going to do?
- You know what to do.

Give the people what they want.

I can't. No.
Mike has enough on his plate.

Just ask him.
He's into you.

You think he's into me?

No. No, every celebrity
wants to spend their vacation

handing out cookies in a costume.

Don't tell me you're not into him.

'Kay, maybe I'm just a little into him.

I love you, cuz.

But waiting for what
you want to find you is...

a waste.

You need to stop hiding behind Bella.

Take charge;

could change your life and sell tickets.

Okay!

- I will go for him.
- Yes!

Professionally.

Sure.

Oh, I put the drinks

and the omelet on the company card.

- I hope that's okay.
- Yes.

Seeing Aubri?

What makes you say that?

Since when do you wear cologne?

I always wear cologne.

Too much?

I have seen you take a nap backstage

20 minutes before a sketch with Obama.

How are you nervous now?

She's great. I mean, she...

We have so much fun together.

She sees things in me I didn't
know anyone else could.

Good.

Show her who you really are,

not some shameless, non-committal bachelor

those gossip blogs make you out to be.

It's their words, not mine.

I appreciate you, Steph.

You know that?

I know you do.

Now, don't screw this up.

Right.

Bring her something nice.

Okay.

Nice,

not expensive.

Right.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Sorry I'm late. I was walking
over and saw this in a window.

It's beautiful.

To remind you of how you killed
it at the tree lighting.

It's a well-made item
and it reminded me of you.

I love it.

Shut up.

- Shall we?
- Yeah.

Come on. Oh, it's
a microphone, by the way.

It's because you're an amazing singer.

Wow. Beautiful.

Nice change of pace from a Comedy Club.

I'm really glad you came
and not just tonight,

but to the Comedy Club.

You've made this
Christmas pretty fun.

- Oh, yeah?
- You know that? Yeah.

Okay, maybe I should get you an ornament,

so you won't forget it.

Ooh, I wonder where I can get one

with a mob of children bringing
a grown man to tears.

Don't worry, it's gonna haunt my dreams...

- Mine, too.
- ...for a very long time.

And besides, who says I want to go back?

What are you going to do here?

As long Bella's around,
I cannot promise you safety.

Oh, that's a very good point.
I could open up a B&B.

'B' for the iron bars I will
install on all the windows.

Of course.

But yeah, it sounds perfect
for when you retire.

Let's not forget you have a movie career.

It's been really awesome
being on stage again.

You know, near people
that are important to me.

Well, then, that's where you belong.

It'll make a lot of people really mad.

I think it would make
a lot more people happy.

Are you one of those people?

I just want what's best for you.

Most people want something from me,

not you.

Can I be honest?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Okay, I'm just gonna get it out.

The social media storm is
attracting a lot of attention,

a ton of industry people are
coming to the variety show.

Yeah, yeah. No, it's great.

I think my agent's flying in with some.

Yeah, but we have a ton of industry people

and no locals to laugh, clap,
or just enjoy the fun.

And well, if I have a half-empty room,

then Bella's career is finished,

and then mine just goes
down the drain with hers.

The tickets aren't selling,
and we really need a headliner,

and lot of people are asking about you.

And would you just please make
my Christmas wish?

Yes. Yes. Of course.

- Really?
- Yes.

It would be my pleasure.

So, can Bella announce it
at the Snowball Social tonight?

I have your word?

Because if the audience start rioting,

then I'm actually
Bella's designated human shield.

- Let's go sell some tickets.
- Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I didn't think--

Come on. Let's do it.
For the Snowball Social!

♪ That Christmas time feeling

♪ With family all around

♪ Sleigh bells and the sound

Hi there, Nutcracker.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.
And a reward for the compliment.

She comes at a price.
What is this?

- A walnut for you.
- What?

For me? Oh, my--
Thank you so much for this.

Do you want me to eat this right now?

You do. I just crack them.

Well, actually, it turns out

walnuts are really tough to crack.

Right. That makes sense.

And who are you supposed to be?

Jack Frost, baby.

Handsome.

Not as functional as a nutcracker.

A nutcracker. Obviously.

- But very handsome.
- Thank you.

- Aubri?
- Oh.

- Looks like I got to--
- Your elf needs some help.

I got an elf to attend to. Okay.

Well?

I thought you were supposed to
wear a costume.

Oh. Ha-ha. What'd he say?

He said yes.

He's going to headline.

Huh?

What if he said no?

I put it on the company card.

Ooh. I should probably
find Bella so she can announce.

Oh. She actually texted me
saying she's running late.

She also asked me to save her
a slow dance.

Think I learned my lesson about
encouraging older women.

Why is Mike Baxter in a costume?

Is it true? Is Mike Baxter
headlining the variety show?

- I hope that's okay.
- Okay?

I was about to give away free tickets

to the assisted living facility.

We'll announce it right before

the couples' snowball
spotlight dance. Thank you.

Well, I should probably help Ian.

Yeah, yeah. 'Cause simple
addition does hurt my brain.

I think I'll be okay.

Go have fun.

Want to dance?

I think we might sell out
tonight, thanks to you.

What are you talking about?
Thanks to you.

Give yourself some credit.
You've been working hard.

The Comedy Club belongs to Bella.

I mean, without her, I wouldn't
even have a chance to write.

Mm-mmm. Not true.

You write because that's who you are.

But to be honest, from what I've seen,

you are so much more.

I think when Bella eventually

introduces me to her industry friends,

then I can finally make that leap.

Okay. I had a mentor once who told me

that it's a very dangerous thing

to put your entire destiny
in someone else's hands.

You don't need Bella's help.

You didn't have any help?

You said the variety show
gave you your first big break.

A talent scout saw you.

Oh, he did, but he was only there

because I sent him the tickets.

I e-mailed to make sure that
he got the tickets,

and called repeatedly to
make sure that he got the e-mail

to make sure that he got the tickets,

and I did the same thing
for about 15 others.

One showed up.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Look at you.
- Mm-hmm?

- Still obnoxious.
- Mm-hmm?

About to be a superhero.

Well, I mean,
the jury is still out on that.

I won't know until after Christmas.

And what are you doing for Christmas?

Well, after the show,
probably a very exciting night.

Watering my plants.

- Sorting my mail.
- Very exciting.

Unless you'd want to spend
Christmas together.

But it'll be your fault if my plants die.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our couples' spotlight snowball dance

is about to start.

But before the romance gets
started, our costume friends

from the Comedy Club
have a huge announcement

about the closing of the Christmas fest.

You can tell me later.

So, I know a lot of you know

that we've had a special guest
here over the holidays.

Let me get the team up
from the Comedy Club

to tell us more.
Uh, is Bella here?

No, but Aubri is here.

What?

Aubri Wilson, come on down.

Hello.

As I'm sure some of you have noticed,

we've added a new headliner
to our variety show.

Yeah?

So, I am pleased to announce that...

...Mike Baxter will be performing.

Thank you so much, Aubri, darling.

Aubri, my assistant, everybody.

Thank you, darling. Thank you.

Okay. Please help me bring to the stage

the Comedy Club's superstar comic

and our Christmas headliner,

Mike Baxter!

Okay. Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.

Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.

Thank you.

Mike, we are so thrilled
to have you performing,

and of course, I'll be hosting.
The dynamic duo.

Right, folks?

Okay. Now, don't forget.
Pick your tickets up tonight,

because we are selling out so fast.

Oh, yeah.

The hottest show in town
is only three days away.

Please make sure you get your tickets

from the table in the back,

and why don't we get
Mr. and Mrs. Jack Frost

to kick off this snowball spotlight dance?

That the Ice Queen to you, darling.

But I will accept the spotlight.

Mike?

Bella?

♪ If you say

I'm so glad you're helping me.

Thanks, Bella. Appreciate that.
And you spin...

♪ Your last goodbye

♪ And I knew you were going away ♪

I'm not keeping you, am I?

- Want some good news?
- Sure.

Tickets are sold out.
The VIP section is full.

It's going to be a packed house
on Christmas Eve.

- You did it.
- We did it.

They should get a fantastic show.

Tomorrow, we celebrate.

Oh, no. No, no, no.
I have to write.

Christmas Eve is three days away,

and Bella is going to need jokes.

What about Mike?

You know, I am going to need
an opening act.

Jack Frost and the Ice Queen

are a better fit than the Nutcracker.

Thank you for everything.

Hello?

Mike, you're not still out in,
what was it, Dakota, are you?

Uh, outside Chicago.
Our third largest city.

Right. Well, listen.

I was watching the sunrise this morning,

and I couldn't help but notice

that you weren't outside crowing.

What?

Crowing.

Sunrise. It's what roosters do.

Yes. Thank you, Damon. I know.
What's happening?

- Did I get the part?
- Yes. You got it.

What I'm trying to say is
you are officially the rooster!

Well, actually, I'm Rooster Man.

Exactly. Listen.
They called this morning.

I'm working on a deal right now.

But you are a man of the people.
You sealed the deal!

Congrats.

Congrats.

Mikey, didn't you hear me?

Did my assistant drop the call?
'Cause if he did, I swear--

- Brandon!
- No, no. I'm here.

Hey.
Can I call you back?

I have to finish writing my act
for the variety show.

Wait, wait, wait. You're not
still performing, are you?

We need you back in LA, ASAP.

They need to scan your feet
for the prosthetics.

I can't. I'm headlining.

No, Mike. You don't understand.
You have to be back in LA.

They're doing a whole song and dance

at one of those conventions.

You know, the ones
where the geeks get together

and watch trailers?

I just, um--

I need a bit of time to think about this.

No. There's no time.

My assistant booked you a flight
Christmas Eve.

Hell send you the details.

- I'm committed to the club.
- Mike, they will understand.

This is a franchise, Mikey.

We're talking about
action figures and bedsheets.

A whole lot of people
are counting on you with this.

Maybe this isn't the right move for me.

Oh, yes, it is. Listen.

I will personally bring you
the contract myself.

I'm on my way.

Brandon! Are you there?

Listen, Brandon.
Book me a flight out to, um--

Where is this place?

No, Damon. You really don't need
to come here.

Listen, Mikey. Listen to me.
Two words, okay?

Whole grains.

- Damon--
- I'll see you soon.

Damon?

It's going to be a big night.

At the very least,

an expensive one.
Bella asked for

last-minute decorations.

But did give me my
Christmas bonus, so it's a wash.

She gave me one, too.
Now, I remember why I started

encouraging older women
in the first place.

This is good stuff.

It can't be all for Bella.

It's my idea book.

I write anything and everything in it.

Then you should perform it.

You have enough material there.

I'm a writer.

Besides, anytime I was good,
Mike was up there with me.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm Damon Cardona.
I represent Mike Baxter.

Are you the cleaning staff?

Among other things.
You're early for the show.

No, I'm not here for the show.

I'm only here to pick up Mike.
Is he around?

Uh, picking up?

Yeah. I'd love to get to the O'Hare

before the Diamond Lounge fills up.

I'm sorry.

I haven't talked to Mike
in the last day. He's leaving?

Oh, you guys must not read up
on the trades.

Okay. Look, then.
Mike booked Rooster Man.

So, he has to go back to LA for press.

You know, I got to thank you,
because those viral videos

helped us cross the finish line.
They were amazing.

- Hi, Damon.
- Ah.

I told you I would be here.
Listen.

I could not let you miss an opportunity.

So, I have a car in the back.

If you hurry up, you can get
that champagne service.

Damon, I'm going to meet you outside.

- Okay?
- Right.

Well, good meeting you.
Merry Christmas.

And, uh, don't take too long.

I, uh, think I left my oven on.
I'm going to--

You got the part.

I wanted to tell you, but
I wasn't sure about taking it.

Okay?
I needed some time to think.

And did you?

You could have told me before Damon did.

I needed to figure out
what I was going to do first.

And what you figured out
was leaving me here

without a headliner? Just
backing out at the last minute?

It's complicated.

And that's why I came over here,
to tell you in person.

I didn't think Damon
was going to find you first.

This has been in the works
for such a long time.

I don't have a choice.

You do, and you made it.

You don't understand.
People rely on me

doing this movie.

The studio can crush you.

Somebody told me that
it is a dangerous thing

to leave your destiny
in other people's hands.

I'm sorry.

Trust me.
It wasn't an easy decision.

Listen to me.

You don't need me for the show.

Okay? You've got the talent.

The tickets are sold.

It's going to be a success no matter what.

Yeah. It will be a success.
Thank you.

Aubri, this is your time.

And it's your time to be a hero
on the big screen.

Congratulations.

Aubri, you're a star.

You shine on your own.

Merry Christmas, Mike.

We don't have a headliner now?

None of the acts want to replace Mike.

He set the expectations too high.

Yeah. You set your expectations too high

when you put your faith in
that... that sellout.

And how much is he making for that movie?

Four or five mil?

Okay. I have a great set.
Maybe you can close.

Yeah, or maybe you can get
that magician you hired

to saw me in half.

The crowd wants to see the headliner.

They're not going to happy until they do.

And an unhappy crowd,

they don't laugh.

What are the VIPs going to think?

Oh, I cannot believe
this is happening to me again!

Bella, they're your friends.

Friends don't forget about you.

Friends don't ignore your calls.

Friends broker your million-dollar deals,

not advertisements for battery acid

thinly disguised as soda pop.

Looks like we're going to
crash and burn together.

And you don't deserve that,
Aubri.

I'll do it.

What, crash and burn?

I just said we'll do it together.

Headline.

The people in town,
they've seen me perform.

I have a ton of followers.

And I got us in this situation,

and I'm going to get us out of it.

Honey, they're not going to be a
very forgiving crowd.

I am not going to let them
break me, okay? I will do it.

Okay. I'm just going to tell you,

as much as I want to see you
succeed out there,

just as much
I don't want you to,

because I don't want to lose you.

Impossible.

As if you could ever lose me.

I'm only here because of you, and...

...you'll always be home to me,
Bella.

You're brave.

Aubri, you belong on center stage.

I want you to go out there and claim it.

Five minutes till show time.

Oh. There she is.
The star that saved Christmas.

And you?
You're the Little Dipper.

Does that mean--

I--

I, uh, think
I may have just blacked out.

Ooh. Okay. Uh--

Can you stop celebrating so loudly?

The girls are trying to take a nap.

I thought a comeback would make me happy.

But Christmas Eve, having to leave you

and the girls, and--

Look. You know me.
I wouldn't do this

if I didn't have a choice.

But you do.

Well, you always have a choice.

I'm proud of you no matter what you do.

I just want you to be happy.

Ah, forgive me for saying this,
but I do not like that man.

Yeah. That makes two of us.

I'm so proud of you.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Go follow your heart.

Or whatever you have to do
to make that man leave.

So, they've already sent some PR briefs.

So, if anyone asks, you've read
the comics your whole life

and you can sleep in a chicken coop.

Okay?

Damon, when do
I get to be myself?

This is yourself,
only richer and hire-able.

What is that?

Are those--

- Hey. It's not a--
- Let me see. What is this?

Mikey, I said whole grains.

I wasn't going to eat the whole thing.

Here. Have some walnuts.

Okay. You know what?
You don't want the walnuts?

You don't like them?

How about this?

We can get you something else
at the airport, okay?

I don't need to come back on top.

I don't.

I want to make people happy
again, in my own way.

Take these and have these.

We can put the abs on you in post.

- No. Damon--
- You can eat whatever you want.

Damon, I got to follow my heart.
Listen to me.

We're going to make this living
a very happy and lucrative one.

Okay? Trust me.
Stop the car, please.

No, no, no. Don't stop the car.

Please don't do this.
It's Christmas.

We're talking action figures,
Mikey.

Excuse me. Stop the car.

Just drive.

Action figures, Mikey.
Bedsheets.

Stop the car.

Damon... eat a pastry.

Mike, don't do this.

Trust me.

I have been naughty all year,

just to save poor Santa the trip.

But really, it's a wonderful
life, isn't it, folks?

And we've been blessed this year
with a white Christmas.

And we're not home alone.
We're all here together,

with a great Christmas, warm spirit,

ready to enjoy the first
Christmas variety concert

that the Comedy Club has put on in years.

Yes, yes!

Okay.

You got this, cuz.

Yeah.
They're either going to love me

or they're going to hate me.
Oh, they're going to hate me.

They're going to love you.

This is your destiny.

I knew it back then in the tree house,

and I know it now.

So, get out there and make them
laugh on Christmas.

Get ready for a big Christmas surprise.

Now, please, put your hands together

and help me welcome to the stage
our very own funny lady,

the real queen of Christmas...

Are you ready to drop
the curtain if I faint? Please.

...Aubri Wilson. Aubri?

Get up here.

We are going to have "snow" much fun.

Get up here and slay them.

This is the nicest
she has ever been to me.

I don't know what was in that eggnog.

Hello, hello!

Let's give it up for Bella Deldomino. Yes.

Thank you.

Full house tonight.

Wow. Um, yeah. It's here.
December. I know.

Yeah. I can already sense
the stress levels rising.

Yeah. The most wonderful time of the year.

You know, when all your loved ones

are so close together under one roof.

You know, it's great.
I love Christmas.

It is my favorite holiday.

And of course,
I love my mother.

Okay?

Yes, she makes my life
a little difficult at times.

There's one thing about her

that just really grinds
my gears, and that is that

this angel woman is just
impossible to buy presents for.

So, this year, I just gave up.

I said, "Mother, please just tell me

what you want for Christmas,
and I will just buy it for you."

She finally told me, but you know,

I can't for the life me find it anywhere.

So, if any of you know

where I can find better health insurance,

please see me after the show.

Yeah.

I mean, have you ever looked at
your insurance policy?

I mean, those things, they are
longer than a Christmas carol.

You are in trouble.
I mean, it's madness.

It's like trying to decipher
an ancient scroll.

Anyways, I didn't give up,

because I am a very good daughter.

So, I just kept looking

here and there.

I looked so hard that I actually...

...ended up spraining my ankle
looking for it.

- Audience member: Oh, no.
- Or at least I think I did.

I was too afraid to go to
the hospital to find out.

Mike Baxter.

Too hard. Um...

Mike Baxter.

You came back. Why?

I realized the only comeback
I care about

is to the one person that matters to me.

Audience members:
Aw.

I also had
some last-minute shopping to do.

Ah. There it is. Yes.

Your typical male to-do list.

Finish task that
should've been done weeks ago,

and interrupt woman
getting more attention than you.

Thank you so much, everybody.
Merry Christmas!

Encore! Encore!

Encore! Encore! Encore!

Encore! Encore!

Hey. Um, you know what? Come on
up and join me here on stage.

You want me to come on stage right now?

Yeah. Come and join me.

Yo.

Audience member:
Woo-hoo!

I've got some notes.

Yeah? Did you learn anything?

What I want most for Christmas?

An apology.

I made a huge mistake.

I'm sorry.

Yeah. Well, you're
a big action superhero now,

so I'm sure after your first check,

you'll just forget all about me.

I passed.

I want to be here, laughing with you.

If you'll have me.

Aw.

Mike Baxter, everyone.

So, uh, for some of you that may not know,

he was supposed to play a chicken earlier.

- Rooster. It's a rooster.
- Sorry.

Just politically correct
for roosters everywhere.

Rooster.

Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause

for the incredible Aubri Wilson!
Give it up.

Congratulations on a spectacular
variety show.

Oh, thank you, Robert.

Any chance you're free
to join me for Christmas dinner?

Oh, Robert.

Oh, darling, we were never
going to work out anyway.

You don't have children, do you, Robert?

Hey. Execs love you, Mike.

They're like the wise men,

but they're offering one-hour specials

instead of sheep or whatever.
You did so good!

Come here, man.

Oh! Okay.

And you look fantastic.

Damon, Damon. Merry Christmas.

Are you sure about Rooster Man?

Because I bet we could work something out

right between tour dates and everything,

because practically, it's shooting in CGI.

- So, if you're on stage and--
- Aubri, Aubri.

Damon, I'd like to introduce you
to Aubri Wilson.

I think she'd make
a great client for the agency.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You know,

I love the talk.

And you can have the pick
of any agent you want,

especially with his endorsement.

Thank you. I will call you.

Of course.

Looking forward to it.

Ah.

You were wonderful, darling.

Oh, it's just going to
break my heart to lose you.

- Oh.
- Never--

Unless you decide to stay,

in which case,
I'll just have to fire you.

I think if I'm going on tour,

I'm going to need an opening act.

I don't know about
an opening act, Mike Baxter.

I might consider co-headlining
with you, or--

- It's her.
- Oh.

- I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, my goodness.

Well, I'm going to leave you two
to discuss.

And remember, you'll always have a home

here at the Comedy Club.
The both of you.

- Thanks, Bella.
- What a darling couple.

- Oh!
- Oh, Bella.

Are you serious about going on tour?

Definitely.

You'll steal the show,

but it keeps me from losing you again.

Worth the trade-off, hmm?

You know, I'm not like
those Hollywood girls.

I know.

You're much funnier...

...and you're also perfect.

This is the best Christmas ever.

So, does this mean you'll wait
for Santa with me tonight?

Hmm.

You never answered me at the social.

Absolutely.

Merry Christmas, Mike Baxter.

Merry Christmas,
Aubri Wilson.

All right.
So, I've got one more for you.

- Yeah. This is a love song.
- Audience member: Yeah!

Yee-haw!

♪ I really, really like you

♪ I'm desperate for a kiss

♪ I asked you out at a holiday party ♪

♪ But something was amiss

♪ You go a-lookin' over your shoulder ♪

♪ Telling me it's time to go

♪ But I looked up high and then I saw ♪

♪ We're under mistletoe

Yes!

♪ Kiss me, I didn't make up the rules ♪

♪ Don't you dare miss me

♪ And make me feel like such a fool ♪

♪ I'm leaning in toward your face now ♪

♪ It's something that I want to achieve ♪

♪ And if you will allow it

♪ We can kiss till New Year's Eve ♪

Thank you very much!
You've been a great audience.

Thank you.