Original subtitles

Preaching to the perverted

House of thwax

direct from New York's underground:

Former sex worker,

performance artist, and

lap dancer

now undisputed queen of the scene:

Tanya cheex!

Defying u.K. Authorities by

appearing with her banned show

this woman -

wom-on!

What!?

W-0-m-o-n! I woo no man!

Volunteers, approach the altar.

Approach the altar

Ow! Are you alright?

Tonight, we free the erotic spirit.

Hundreds and thousands of people

now frequent these kinky clubs.

Fetishism is the name,

breaking the law the game.

What are the authorities

doing about it?

When will porno sickos like

Tanya cheex be banned and gagged?

Excuse me, excuse me...

Mr. Harding, I'm sorry to disturb you,

but the press association

has been ringing constantly.

I'm not just a dial-a-quote.

Hello? Hello? Mr. Harding?

Have you got anything to say

about this?

Now what frightens normal folk

is the perversion is out the closet.

"Out of the closet...” got a quote?

Yeah, the clubs may be underground,

but their beliefs are infecting

the media.

Porn, wife swapping, paedophilia

it all links with these clubs!

Do something about it!

Come to my press conference.

Everyone is afraid to say

what needs to be said...

Except for you, Mr. Harding.

Oh, thank you, Esmeralda.

Eh, how is your son these days?

He's doing ever so well

at holy hardware.

Oh, well, eh... I might need

some help in that regard.

Is he a believer?

Oh, every Sunday, Mr. Harding.

Peter's taken very good care of me

since my husband passed away.

Reverend smyth-Osbourne...

Pentium processor & software bundle...

And connection to our

smut free Internet service.

Not long ago, a number of perverts

were jailed for nailing their penises

to planks and even sicker acts.

If it had been up to me,

I'd have cut their penises off!

I will cite that case and other laws

to combat immoral acts or

material offensive to women.

Conservatives, christians,

and feminists, such as these ladies,

all agree that the degrading

of women has gone far enough.

Oh, come on, Mr. Harding!

The only degrading

in "the house of thwax"

was happening to hairy-arsed men!

"The house of thwax" objectifies women;

females who present the

image males desire and-

oh come on!

You'll have to do better than that!

Britain must not allow even consenting

adults to harm each other.

What about boxing?

Manly pursuits are excluded.

Now once we amass evidence of

the filth flowing in these clubs

I'll be handing over to the

director of public prosecutions.

I'd use the women's bell

if I was you, mate.

Aaargh

see what I mean?

Thank you, mistress.

Thank you, mistress.

I promise I won't disturb

your academic work again.

Morning, mistress.

Good morning mistress.

Aids, sex addiction...

And he promised that performers

could soon be facing jail sentences.

Clear off back to New York

Tanya cheex!-

shall I mail him a shit

sandwich, mistress?

Or I'll be tanning your cheeks

to the British court-

Any bombs?

My son's got an appointment

with Mr. Henry Harding, m.P.!

'Scuse me I've got an appointment with

Mr. Henry Harding, member of parliament

excuse me, but...

Only members are permitted

to address the keepers

of the cubby holes.

Oh, sorry.

Is there anybody here to

see Mr. Henry Harding?

You may have heard about my campaign.

I need a helper who's committed,

who's a Christian,

and who's brilliant with computers.

Well, I'm your man, Mr. Harding.

Mm, I see you attended Christ college

Oxford, or Cambridge?

Christ computer college in wales.

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

Oh, Peter will be a member of

parliament one day, Mr. Harding.

I'm sure of it.

I haven't any firm plans,

except to serve the public good

if I can, Mr. Harding

do you realise we have over two hundred

applicants for this post,

some of them from the finest families

and colleges in this land?

I'll do mail shots, typing...

I'll tidy the office,

fetch sandwiches,

the laundry, anything!

Ahhh... and how many of your

oxbridge types are willing to

get their hands dirty, miss w?

Can you start today?

Well, uh, there's my Van...

And my job...

Eugenie, e-mail the whole list;

it's the next four venues.

Make sure it's all encrypted so that

each club owner only knows about

his own gig, and not the others.

Mistress, can I ask you why you're

deleting the venue details?

Watch where I send this e-mail.

And this is where we keep all of the...

- Filth! - Commander cope.

Yes?

She keeps on provoking us. But we

haven't any successful undercover men.

Commander, haven't you tried cracking

her anon code,

or tracing her remailing box?

Tracing drug peddlers,

and child pornographers on the Internet

that's the yard's priority.

Um now, Mr. Harding, do you really want

to look at this latest stuff? I mean

this... this is filth, for filth's sake!

Do you think if I wanted porn

I'd come here to get my supplies?

I'm not one of those posh tories,

you know, with gas masks

and women's knickers.

Can't you heroes do a better job

of breaking into these

clubs and porn rings, eh?

Henry, can you really see my boys

fitting into leather jodhpurs, mmmh?

Well, fat fibbin gibbins did quite

a good job in a skirt and blouse.

Yes well, this isn't tabloid journalism

you need solid evidence

to make a jury convict.

But there's actual bodily harm,

gross indecency, even blasphemy.

Tanya bum crucifies people

on a bloody stage.

No nails went in, Henry.

Now, let me warn you.

If you don't touch some collars

at the next event, I'm going to

initiate private prosecutions;

and your own proverbials

will be on the line.

It would be easier

to bring a private case.

Why don't you get someone

to go undercover?

Look, him! He's bright and eager.

And his good looks would go far

in a skin-deep world, eh?

I don't think I can. I wouldn't

be any good at it, Mr. Harding.

I simply can't, as a Christian.

But this is a Christian cause, lad!

It's for the good of the public.

You coming to evensong, Mr. h?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come too, Pete

What is your doctorate about, madam?

The causal link between endorphins,

stimulation of specific receptor sites,

and euphoria.

There are a lot of endorphins in here;

natural painkillers.

And sufficient stimuli

can cause a state of euphoria

akin to an adrenaline high.

Have you thought about what I said?

It's a god-given mission.

A private conviction would be a triumph

you'd be able to address

party conference, I promise...

6894. Thank you.

Couldn't you have gone by a

holy hardware, saved me a few Bob?

We're not logging on to the lord,

mr Harding. We're finding smut festivals

and tracing sources.

Jesus!

Would you like some chocolate,

Mr. Harding?

I'd like a sick bag...

Why don't you go home?

It'll be dawn soon.

You know...

Himmler always got sick

visiting the camps,

but he always forced himself to go on,

because he knew he couldn't afford

to show weakness.

But we're trying to stop crime,

Mr. Harding, not cause it.

Welcome to the house of thwax.

I said good night, Peter.

Good night, Mr. Harding.

Yes, this hour.

Are you club organiser?

Ni-foc? Ni-foc?

Must be an acronym.

Guess the answer by the time I've...

Showered, or else, game over.

Going for a shower.

Eureka!

Smart kid!

Yes I am

Tanya.

Tanya cheex.

ID 7221,858 who are you?

Peter who? Peter rabbit?

You will be permitted to

enter my presence this Saturday.

After that, members have to prove

themselves - as instructed by me.

"A very happy bunny indeed.”

Arriving early, or leaving late?

Tell Mr. Harding I've penetrated them...

The sexual underground!

Hey! What the fuck do you think

you're doing?

No. Penetration. Ever.

Who do you think I am?

Sorry, mistress.

No penis. Get it?

My clit ring can give me more pleasure

in a few seconds than that

can give me in a million years.

Get out! Forever!

Testing. Testing.

What?

See in the dark!

How much?

£5,000

humph, forget it

Eh. No I need some more money.

No, you've got to.

Dom or sub?

Pardon

you dominant, or submissive?

About average.

You can only be one or the other.

So which are you?

All right, now we come to lot

number fourteen: Experienced

slave with a high pain threshold.

I have a prince Albert piercing;

I'm into heavy cock and ball torture;

scarification including branding; I

really enjoy eating out of soiled

panties; Uh, and heavy bull whipping.

So what do they call you?

Oh, Mr. happy.

All right, what is he worth?

You on the list?

Yeah!

What list?

Bye bye, cunt.

Tanya!

It's me!

The happy bunny!

Let him in.

You'll have to stay back.

You haven't been initiated.

It's pretty tame, don't you think?

I want to rest. Let them go.

Piss off the pair of you

"Dear diary, today mom bought me a

little dog in a pink party hat.”

A Princess.

Get lost.

I have a prince Albert piercing;

I'm into heavy cock and ball torture;

scarification including branding;

I really enjoy eating out soiled panties

I can see you got inside the place, boy.

I can't see any visual proof

that the law was broken.

But what about her backswing? That bloke

won't be able to sit down for a week!

Where are the marks, ey?

Actual bodily harm

must cause bruising.

You've wasted all the money I've spent.

Well, what did you expect, Mr. Harding?

I'm not part of their inner circle.

Get inside it, get a conviction,

or get the sack.

But what you're asking could be

physically dangerous! And humiliating...

Young man, there's a connection

between debasing yourself

and pursuing your career.

Forceps.

Forceps.

Speculum.

Try and get it right this time?

Hello.

That's very cute.

What breed of dog is it?

A puppy.

Look at you!

Look at you with your little pink hat.

Move along now please, madam.

"When I grow up,

I'll be a Princess in my own castle

with slaves to do the housework and

princes knocking on the door"

The goddess is ready for sacrifice!

In sparta, the finest young male

specimens would undergo whippings on the

bare flesh to honour the goddess Artemis

whippings by her priestesses.

They were first bound hand and foot

over Artemis' column.

Stand for cue 7, Artemis' column.

54321...

Cue.

Excuse me! I don't want to be whipped.

All right. Well, show your devotion

in some other way.

Stripping naked is the decisive action.

When man or a woman become beast,

by revealing their furry parts.

In the rites and religions of the

ancient world

was licensed on public holidays.

Stripping naked is the decisive action.

Oh, Christ!

You don't have to go naked

if you don't want to.

Right, I won't!

So what do you like?

Er, nothing too painful.

Are you willing to wear

the goddess' ring?

To be admitted to her circle?

No. No.

Then this...

Is as close to me as you'll ever get.

There's nothing on the tape.

What do you mean there's nothing on it?

Well, they stripped the jacket off.

All that money I spent.

Did you hand in your brains

at birth, eh? Right, you're sacked!

I'm bloody going anyway.

You pay less than social security!

Useless runt!

N-no, let's not get hasty.

Christ on a bike! What happened?

This is what I had done

to give me a chance next time.

Chance of what?

Getting in close; Getting the evidence;

being part of their world.

I'm not some bloody zoo exhibit!

Peter!

Wait, son; Look, I'm sorry about that

what I said back there.

You're... you're invaluable to us,

you know, to our mission.

No more running errands for her;

I take my orders from you.

Done.

And no more starving on your

measly allowance; I want food

vouchers for the strangers' canteen.

Done.

Plus, you're coming with us

to the members' restaurant.

It's a special occasion.

You dine on the left,

or on the right, sir?

Mmm, it's lovely, eh?

Twenty years,

miss w's been working with me.

Don't see why we have to share

this occasion.

If you don't mind,

I think I'll get back to work.

You're required to attend

mistress Tanya tonight.

Hold still... I said still!

You coming or not, slave?

Yes, I just have to, uh...

Don't clench your cheeks!

Stop whingeing, you worm.

Mum?

Peter, at last!

You've had me worried sick!

Now where on earth are you?

I won't be home tonight. I have to...

Um... work.

Again?

Aargh! Stop making such a fuss!

What was that? It sounded like a scream!

Can you press a shirt for the morning?

Funny

Look, stop the car.

This is just bonkers!

Peter, nobody's going to make you do

anything you don't want to do.

Well, I don't want to be down here on

the floor like a lap dog for a start.

Well then come up here

and be like a lap dog.

You haven't done this before, have you?

What do you think?

To show that you're mine.

But if you want it off your neck at any

time, I'll do it, and you can walk away.

Don't be frightened.

I'm shy... about my... furry parts.

I've never been with a woman.

Or a... "Womon'" come to think of it.

You're not going to lose your virginity.

Later on you're going to massage me,

pleasure me.

But first...

I'm going to bind you.

A goddess...

To be worshiped by all.

Go on.

I, er...

Pleasure me.

The new slave needs instructing.

Relax. Learn. Then it's your turn.

A qualified muff diver!

Relax. What you did was natural.

Yeah?

You wouldn't see it in a zoo,

or in the wild.

Fix me breakfast, Peter.

Morning, mistress.

Is that the same miss cheex

that pays the bills, dad?

Uh huh.

No angst.

You're still a virgin. I kept my promise

Well, I'm quite speechless

and by the looks of you... it turned

your stomach even more than mine.

Went through a lot to get this, son.

Well done.

Hear, hear!

Maybe you'll be aiming for the

front bench one day, son.

It's all right, son!

We've got enough to prosecute now.

Now you have a good boke.

You trying to finish me off?

What?

I've seen it once.

I know what you've got.

Come on. Come on!

Chopham school for boys summer 1969

chopham boys.

I was headmaster there for eight years.

And I was school secretary.

Three!

Sir, thank you...

Four!

Thank you...

Five! Thank you...

Potent stuff.

Time for a private prosecution?

Skin has been broken;

the law of the land has been broken.

Right.

Names and addresses...

Of the perpetrators.

Great stuff. Here. That's it.

Well, I've only got the one, uh...

Tanya cheex.

She was a doer. There need to be

all clearly identifiable in a court.

Bring back traditional details:

Faces, names, addresses.

Then I can be effective.

Four hundred quid an hour,

you'd better be!

Guineas.

Hey, I want you to know all this is

coming out me own pocket.

Oh!

Oh?

Triple "0".

Mr. Harding, should we really bother

making all this legal fuss?

Should we really bother about

making laws in parliament, eh?

These people don't harm anyone else.

You told me what they did disgusts you.

I mean, you were physically sick

after a night in their clutches

now find out where that hussy's

performing next and nail her!

You remembered my birthday, mistress.

Is it for an enema, mistress?

No.

Shoot me.

Steam does you a power of good.

It took a lot of guts to do what you

did son. Take me hat off to you.

There was something I wanted to ask you,

actually. Um, I mean, if you don't mind.

No, no, go ahead.

Well...

Were you and miss w ever...

I mean, did you-

-fornicate? Answer's no.

She loves you, though.

Not in a carnal way.

Then why the seamed stockings?

She's worn those since I knew her.

That's what women wore then,

old-fashioned women.

Well, she would've had to have been

living in the stone age.

What?

Not to wear any knickers?

Now look, you know I'm not a hypocrite,

Peter.

I've never been married, but

miss w. Was never going to be

spouse material.

We never had sex,

whatever filthy deeds you suspect me of.

I'll hear no more about it.

Tannoy: Staff announcement.

Natalie sharp to checkout please.

A mistress never shops.

Well, mistress might just be unhappy

with your menus.

Cruel. Sickening.

Muff diving...

Lord...

Please protect me from these people.

Mistress, the slaves offering themselves

for tonight.

I knew you'd be back.

We're going to a

private play party tonight.

Somewhere very special.

You must be the cutts watsons?

Slaves to the chapel! Go on!

Come on! Hurry up!

Come on, come on!

Come on, you lot, hurry up.

Chop, chop.

Let's go rest.

Are you going to be, em,

conducting proceedings here?

No, it's eugenie's day. She's not only

an sm dyke, she's a wicca witch.

Pagan ways & eastern religions celebrate

body modification, body pleasure...

Women's power.

Cunt power.

I'm going to make you wish

I'd never been born.

One on the tip...

Don't... stop

Higher! Ah! Ah!

Used in U.S. submarines

to keep the boys' muscles trim.

They had no idea in the 1940s

what it could do for a clitoris.

So is-is that all I am, then?

Keeper of the clitoral box?

You don't want to be my slave?

Why are you here?

Why inflict pain?

For the rush, the power.

Each stroke purifies the submissive.

I can only truly love someone

once they're under my thumb.

So that's it, then. If I don't bend over

or something.

I didn't say that.

God, you're such a boy.

Is it true you were a prostitute?

A prostitute gets laid.

A dominatrix dominates.

Even my richest client wouldn't have

dared kiss my lips...

Much less screw me.

Sure you don't want a little spanking?

Over my knee?

Come anywhere you like...

But not in me!

What are you doing?

Um, I couldn't help notice your

collar and tag.

Very smart.

Thank you.

Made them myself, actually.

They double as luggage tags.

Who are the owners of this house?

Does anyone know?

You'd think that they were ordinary

human beings!

Mrs. anthea cutts-Watson, governor of

scala television.

Hello, is there anyone in there?

Ah! Oh! Ow! Ow! Ah!

See you in the chapel.

Morning.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Are you Mrs. cutts-Watson?

Would you like to give her

some truncheon?

The old pork sword. Know what I mean?

Interested?

But is this Mrs. cutts-Watson??

She goes like a stoat.

See what else she'll take.

They call her "madge the fladge."

Could I have another look?

Well, if you want to abuse her, fine,

but if not...

I don't see the point, frankly.

On your knees, Louise.

Did you want a maori pattern

carved on your arm?

No.

All scenes are based on consent.

Parameters must be clearly stated.

Do you agree?

I think you should go over to the bench.

Don't you?

Strap her down.

You broke the rules by

not telling everything that you should.

Eugenie,

did you ask Peter where he works

before admitting him to our circle?

People are wondering.

He's a-a computer technician, mistress.

At the house of commons.

Peter, you should have told us.

I'm just a volunteer.

I wanted to learn about parliament.

Prove yourself or leave us for good.

I won't inflict pain.

Well, if you won't inflict it... eugenie?

Do you have a pony?

No, mistress.

Are you willing to prove

that you're not spying for one of those

600 creeps in the house of commons?

Bring on the butt plug!

There's something on your shoe, old boy.

Come on! Keep going!

This is nuts! Stop hitting me!

Flossy!

Coming on just fine;

a year or two of correction should

toughen your skin up like leather.

Fuck off!

Listen, I'm not very...

Tell me what you do in your job.

Oh, er, nothing. Things that are, well,

too humiliating for anyone else to do.

Is it the conservatives

you're working with?

Can you find anything out about the

campaigns against the clubs?

Against my show?

Well, that won't be easy.

Do it for me, please?

Cute ass for a pony.

Zebra, more like.

Well, now that the zebra's been broken

in, I think it's entitled to a treat.

Has this little zebra ever been...

Gobbled before?

Relax.

Um... I keep thinking about that dog...

What happened to it...

They've probably flayed her alive!

When you last saw err... flossy

she was chasing a trap...

Yes.

Driven by a bald woman...

Yes.

Whipping a transvestite...

Yes.

Harnessed as a pony?

Y-y-yes.

We'll have to bring in the yard.

Scotland yard? For my dog?

Public morals squad.

It's gone on long enough.

Oh yes. Absolutely.

Hey! This is vanilla, this

doesn't happen.

What?

Vanilla sex. Things straight people do?

What, wake up together?

Don't give me that fucked you now look!

You're still a virgin.

Faces, names, addresses...

Bruises.

Have we been behaving today?

Faces, names, addresses, bruises.

Operation yeoman, all clear.

Zero Oscar proceed to chapel.

Acts of perversion in progress.

Locate and free small white dog.

Small white dog known as flossy.

May be used in the satanic rites.

Hello, Romeo.

Negative on suspects in chapel,

negative on dog just kinky props. Over.

A private collection of

medieval implements. Perfectly legal.

Your wife is a public figure.

Mind she doesn't end up

a public laughing stock

in a court of law.

Um, maybe you could drop me off

at the station. Then I could-

forget your job.

Come on the road with us.

Slaves get food and expenses.

I really can't.

I have responsibilities...

Mistress.

Stop the car, eugenie.

Poof.

Faces, names, addresses...

Bruises.

Excellent!

Fireworks igniting against

human skin, even.

With this video,

backed up by Peter's strong,

clear verification as witness,

the action will not fail.

What're the likely costs?

That's impossible to quantify.

Then we can't proceed.

If we lose,

and the trial lasts three days,

it could amount to 250k.

I'd have to commit suicide.

We'll be billing you in advance.

What kind of security can you offer?

It's called a home.

Now, you're definitely prepared to go

into the witness box, son, with

all the scrutiny that will come with it?

Yes, Mr. Harding.

Are you definitely going to prosecute?

We, son, we. Most definitely.

These are the kind of affidavits

jurors read with one hand

when they get home, eh?

By the end of the week,

the writ will hit their fan.

Why so glum? I'm making you permanent

if this comes off.

Big career opening up for you.

Faster, faster. Come on.

I came to warn you, basically.

You're next.

I'm sure it was Peter Emery

who tipped the yard off.

Nasty neighbour did the tipping off,

actually.

I sent the bloody dog

back in a woolworths bag.

Didn't deserve any better.

Look, I still think we should make

more enquiries about Peter.

Let's get ready for the show.

They tell me the police

may raid tonight.

Well, let'em come!

Is anyone here from Scotland yard?

Step right up!

Not you, four-eyes!

Looking for my secret past?

Whatever happened to you as a child,

I feel I should know.

He looks like an abuser.

My mom's ashamed of me now,

but I grew up happy,

so she keeps sending me reminders.

Of a dull past,

if mistress will permit me to say so.

I used to do straight sex,

go shopping, wear loose clothes.

Yuck!

Hey guys! Get lost!

Consigned to the dustbin of history,

mistress?

What you going to do about

the slave Peter?

He's not a slave.

Quite, mistress.

So he's either after information,

or a vanilla relationship.

You're after a lesbian one.

I love you.

You're not permitted to say that.

You're here to serve me,

not complicate my life.

Neither you or the boy

are going to have me.

Eugenie! Stop electrocuting Peter.

We were out of line

leaving him in the road.

They're going to clamp down

with a private prosecution.

Fuck 'em.

I'll be back in the states by then.

No. There'll be an immediate attempt

to injunct your act.

On what grounds?

To prevent corruption of public morals,

actual bodily harm,

keeping a disorderly house.

Well, the last part's true.

Don't laugh!

An 18th century law can send you to jail

just the same as a modern one.

And how come your information

is so good?

I can't go into that.

Can't you calm down?

Be a bit more like normal women?

And woo men?

Tanya, they'll get you.

Better to serve a few months,

than sacrifice my lifestyle

could be years, not months.

I'll bet your hot ass would love

some cold cream.

What's your darkest fantasy?

Just thinking about it makes me

wet with sweat.

Oomph!

I love you.

Is that all that's troubling you?

Why don't we both...

Just go away for a while?

On a holiday? No sex of any description.

I'll lose my job, if necessary, and...

You'll avoid prosecution.

Let's play for big stakes.

If it points at me,

I'll go on that holiday. No sex, right?

If it points at you,

you get to play my darkest fantasy.

Tonight.

Your bridal suite, please.

Yes, miss, er...?

Cheex.

That's cheex, with an 'x'.

Will you be needing an extra... pillow?

A husband, a dog, two kids...

Your darkest fantasy.

Take Mel

I think you have to take me.

I'm the virgin, remember?

Promise to be gentle.

Oh, Peter!

Tanya!

Oh my god.

Ooph!

You fucked me.

You fucked me!

Wasn't that the idea?

Fuck no, it was a game.

Don't ever come near me

in your miserable life again!

Tanya!

Will sir be needing

to borrow some clothes?

Hi, "hell for leather" dispatch?

Hug me, eugenie.

Clark, the bill of parliament.

What are you smirking at?

A naughty pony!

You enjoy serving... eugenie?

You think I enjoy buying supersize

for someone past their menopause?

I'm sorry.

Can I make it up to you?

How?

'Marching as to war,

with the cross of - jes...'

Peter is working for Henry Harding.

How did you find out?

I went through his briefcase.

Mistress didn't carry out her usual

dilligent checks.

They have more than enough

evidence to jail us.

Get out.

Please don't do that.

I'm not a man trying to possess you.

I want to honour you and love you!

Eugenie,

you're the one who runs this business.

It's your ideas that make us a success.

Take over.

I prefer to hand in my notice.

Eugenie, they need you!

I need you!

You expect me to eat these cold?

Go and bake some more

before I punish you!

And what are you all grinning at?

Back to work!

So, did this, er...

Tanya woman seduce you or not?

I think the answer's no.

I was so drunk.

No.

Then your testimony

can't be discredited.

I'm sorry Mr. Harding.

For getting in so deep with her.

Eh, devilish things, women.

I'm not sure she's that evil.

Isn't branding, beating, cutting

people's skins evil?

It's against Christian teaching, lad.

You and I know that.

Two, four, six, eight!

Enjoy the right to flagellate!

'... To war with the cross of Jesus,

going on before'

Have you got a statement?

Tanya, can you make

a statement for me?

Fibbin gibbins here! Daily male!

What will you be wearing in prison?

Are you still on the game?

Were you abused as a child?

This private criminal prosecution

is the first step in reversing

the moral slide of the nation.

Hear, hear!

Mr. Harding, you and your body police

say that no one should endure pain

in a sexual context.

Is that right?

I don't want a slanging match

with you on the pavement.

You do every day in parliament.

I aim to uphold the law of this land

concerning bodily harm in a sexual

context, gross indecency...

Wouldn't you say that removal of

clothing indicates sexual context?

Absolutely, yes.

Then why, when you were a headmaster

at chopham school, did you

punish boys with their trousers down?

What

so, are those allegations true?

No, that's a pack of lies,

it's typical of those people.

Do you whip young boys?

No, no, no, no comment.

Mrs. cutts-watkinson, why haven't you

resigned as head of television?

Now what did the children think about

it all? Mrs. cutts-watkinson?

"Cutts-Watson'"!

If the spectacle outside was intended to

advance your cause in the public eye,

let me tell you that

the slightest repetition will result in

an instant custodial sentence.

And if the defendant displays her bosom

in such a wanton manner tomorrow,

I shall impose severe penalties

for contempt of court!

M'lud, in view of the disgusting nature

of the evidence the jury must soon face,

might I suggest a recess now for...

Refreshments?

Five minutes.

Hello, Tanya.

Of all the men I've ever met,

you're the only one I was ever attracted

to as a friend...

Who I thought I could trust.

I tried to warn you, believe me.

What do you believe in, Peter?

In god?

Yeah.

And is that who you're doing this for?

Or is it for your career?

The things you do at clubs

are so bloody sick,

no one should be allowed-

preaching to the perverted now?

Your dick got pretty stiff some nights,

I remember?

Listen,

I'm told the only way you'll avoid jail

is by pleading guilty

and giving it all up.

Don't worry, son.

Mr. Emery, you're to witness the video.

And in this frame,

you may observe what is known as

penis torture.

See the spiked cage,

the weights attached,

attached by that woman there.

My god, look how low you're hanging!

There are a further

37 instances of flagellation,

piercing, branding, ritual cutting...

Known as scarification. Is that so?

Correct, m'lud.

And sandpapering of the genitals.

On each occasion,

actual bodily harm was occasioned.

Tomorrow our principal witness, who

made this video at great personal risk,

will testify.

Stop that!

And... hold still.

That's it.

You like that, don't you?

Ok, the needle. Is it sterilised?

Your name is Peter Emery,

and you are an assistant to

Henry Harding, member of parliament?

Yes.

And you recorded video images

on this apparatus,

known as a "sneaky beaky" r-2-7?

Yes.

And is this tape, exhibit b,

true and faithful record

of 38 acts of sado-masochism

which you personally witnessed?

No, it is not.

I'm sorry, will you repeat that?

It is not accurate.

All the acts were simulated.

Was the camera lying,

or are you lying, Mr. Emery?

The whip blows were pulled,

the piercings are faked,

the electrical shock machines

were not connected.

You have sworn upon the holy Bible!

Bear in mind that if you now declare

that your first testimony was false,

you thereby admit both perjury,

and contempt of court.

Both of which are punishable

by a prison sentence.

The accused are as innocent as...

Miss wilderspin, Mr. Harding's secretary

or Mr. Harding, for all I know.

Mr. Emery is a foul-mouthed liar!

You liar! Liar!

Fibbin' gibbins here,

live from the perv trial...

Silence! I'm halting these proceedings!

The jury is dismissed.

Yeahhhhh!

Maybe Peter isn't such a

silly penis after all.

Did she help you to take their

trousers down, Mr. Harding?

How will you pay for the court costs,

Mr. Harding?

Arrest that man for contempt of court

and perjury.

Then take him down.

You are nicked!

Come on.

Traitor! Traitor!

Thirty years moral campaigning

down the toilet.

Terrible!

Look at the behaviour out of him.

Ow!

I'll give you ten grand

for your side of the story.

Fuck off!

Twenty.

Fuck off again!

Look, you've got a criminal record

when you get out of here!

There's no chance of a job in parliament

is there?

Fifty grand

if you confirm that video is real.

Nail miss wilderspin;

find out if Harding is a pervert too,

that's all I want to know.

Look, don't you want to get out of

this shit-hole?

Just admit the video is real!

I'd happily serve double my sentence

rather than see your face again.

Miss wilderspin!

Come on out, you old bint!

No! No! I'd rather make a run for it!

Come on! Come on... come on!

Come on!

Where's the light?

What's all this?

Perhaps that's why I never

popped the question.

What question?

I heard you listening at the door once,

after I swished a couple of the lads.

I'd never stand for anything

the slightest bit risque, kinky...

If what?

If we... if we got married.

Bloody hell! There they are!

Ooh, did they rape you, luv?

Peter?

In mythology, even goddesses

ended up with unplanned pregnancies.

Maybe the clit ring was responsible.

The what ring?

Clit rings have made many women conceive

it's a mystic fact.

So I decided not to abort it.

I'm so pleased... as a Christian.

So am I... as a pagan.

I have my beliefs too, you know

the circle of life.

Would somebody mind telling me:

Is this my future grandchild

we're talking about?

Do lezzies produce milk, dad?

It's a natural response,

if a wom-on sees a baby and loves it.

Imagine if I started dribbling

right on stage.

That's what slaves are for.

One day,

I'm going to give you such a spanking!

Not in my lifetime, you won't.

Well then, don't get any ideas about

regular vanilla with me.

You're not talking to a slave. You're

talking to Tanya's manager, actually.

20k for one night,

but you've got to tone down your act.

Up his ass.

I'm sorry, but Tanya has her integrity.

Yeah.

Coo-eee!

She's had a lovely time, haven't you?

So, what kind of wom-on

are you going to grow up to be?

Look at the snow.

I love little pussy; Her coat is so warm

and if I don't hurt her,

she'll do me no harm.

Meow! Meow! Meow!

I'll sit by the fire...

And give her some food

and pussy will love me because I am good

meow! Meow! Meow!