Original subtitles

Oh, I love crossword puzzles.

Let's see, 5-across, the word is "landlocked."

And I think 11 is... E-N-D. "End."

Well, now, you may be right. That completes 2-down.

"A blood relative."

"Uncle."

Aye, that's very good, miss.

Missus. Oh, what an interesting ring.

Well, that's a green Lion Rampant. It's the badge of the Clan MacAlister.

Don't try to open it, dear.

There's 10 ounces of nitroglycerin...

that says "bang" without the right key.

Oh, dear, we have been tardy. I do hope you haven't missed your jet.

Oh, don't you worry about me, love. I'll manage something.

Oh, watch out for stray birds, dear.

You know a thrush hates to have anything stolen from its nest.

Bye.

Thank you.

Um, miss, I have a bit of a problem.

I'm afraid that I've missed the jet to London.

The only way I can make the connection is to catch the Comet to Bombay.

Do you think you could sandwich me in somewhere?

Uh, Mr. Chikhli...

What a beautiful ring. It must be very old.

Oh, aye, it is, actually. It's a family heirloom.

May I see it? I adore old jewelry. It's my only vice.

- There. - Oh, it's lovely.

It's a lion, isn't it? Is it your family crest?

Aye, you know how it is with families.

Kali.

The plane with Duncan MacAlister aboard suddenly lost radio contact.

It was less than an hour out of Delhi.

They found the wreck 30 minutes ago.

No survivors.

Poor Mac.

- What was his mission? - Ever heard of Verac B?

Yes, it's something that Section Three was working on.

A absolutely foolproof lie detector, wasn't it?

There's a Verac B case.

Study it so that you can recognize it.

Well, it's rather small for the job it does.

Thrush managed to steal an experimental model...

from our Tokyo division.

We got it back quickly enough, and MacAlister was bringing it home.

Now, you go to India and find that Verac B...

or confirm its destruction.

Well, I imagine Transportation can get me on a flight to Bombay this afternoon.

Well, this is the shopping list, I guess.

Don't try to do that with the Verac B itself.

There's a nitro-autodestruct in the one Thrush stole.

They knew it, but they didn't have time to disarm the mechanism...

before we got it back.

It's still armed.

I'm very sorry, sir. No one is permitted here.

Oh, yes. Uh, however, my name is, uh, Napoleon Solo.

I'm with the Unified Northern Casualty and Liability Exchange.

My plane just landed at the other end of the field.

Police Inspector Irindi Darwa.

Uh, you are here for the, uh...?

Yes, uh, one of our assured was on board, a, uh, Duncan MacAlister.

He was very heavily covered...

uh, by an uncle.

Yes, but your Mr. MacAlister must have been an extremely pessimistic man.

A colleague of yours arrived a short while ago.

It seems that Mr. MacAlister is insured by his company too.

He's over there.

Well, that will make, uh, my job a good deal easier, then, won't it?

I don't, uh...

I don't see my man in here. Of course, it's awfully difficult to tell.

Well, two more victims are being brought in.

If your Mr. MacAlister is not one of them...

then he is one of four who appear to be missing...

perhaps never to be found.

Oh, this is Mr. Napoleon Solo...

an insurance agent who is interested in the same man you are.

- Mr. Tom Simpson. - Oh, how do you do?

How do you do?

I guess, uh...

our Mr. MacAlister hasn't been brought in yet.

Yes.

Uh, well, were any of his personal belongings brought here?

All personal property recovered is here.

Mr. Chikhli.

I'm afraid I must be going now.

Mr. Chikhli, an official of the airline, will be glad to help you any way he can.

These two are insurance agents. Good day, sir. Good day.

Gosh, what a mess. Where do you start?

Yeah, there's, uh, so much stuff here.

I think it might be best to let the authorities sort it out for us.

Yeah, guess you're right.

Is that him?

I think so. Looks like the photograph they showed me.

What are you looking for?

Some more positive identification. A ring he was wearing.

It might have, uh, fallen off in the crash.

A ring? Not likely.

What is that?

It's a coin and a piece of a yellow cloth.

Thuggee?

- Thuggee? - No, no, no.

What could I be thinking of? No, I was just surprised, that's all.

The cult of Thuggee?

No, they were eliminated by the British raj in the last century.

I just had a childhood fantasy, that is all.

The Thugs waited by the side of the road to kill travelers...

if I remember my history.

The method was strangulation.

A silken noose was the weapon, weighted by a silver rupee.

That speculation is nonsense.

The day is past where a strangler would sit by the side of the road and wait for...

To kill...

To kill...

travelers.

Please, please, it is a fantastic idea. You must leave me alone.

- I have so much work to do. - I'm just trying to understand it, now.

You say that the villagers reported seeing the plane crash...

two hours after radio contact was lost.

Now, two hours is a rather long time.

Well, the villagers could have made a mistake on the time.

They are ignorant peasants of the lowest caste...

This is the final list of passengers already accounted for.

The names of the four who haven't been found are circled.

Thank you.

Now, do go home and try to put it out of your mind, please.

Put it out of my mind?

Miss Purbhani was supposed to be on that flight.

There was a last-minute change.

Well, you were very lucky.

Someone died in my place.

You still don't know why I was taken off that plane?

My dear child, it was a routine order. Now, it had no significance whatsoever.

It had a great deal of significance to me.

I saw each face that went through that gate.

You saw all the passengers, then?

All that got on at Delhi.

Of course, there were some through passengers from the previous places.

Uh, there was a man, MacAlister?

He was a new passenger. Do you remember him?

Yes.

We managed to get him aboard at the last moment.

He was lucky to find an opening.

Well, now, you were possibly the last person to see him alive.

There are some things his family might want to know.

Perhaps, if you'd be so kind, if you have a few moments, you could tell me about him?

If it will help. I'll go and get my purse.

Mr. Chikhli, uh...

could you tell me who gave the order to take that young lady off the plane?

Well, it would be quite impossible to trace back.

Oh...

Uh, impossible?

Well, very difficult.

I see. I'll be in touch with you, all right?

There's a cocktail lounge at my hotel. That be all right for you?

Fine. SOLO: Good. Come on.

Hey, Mr. Solo, I've been looking for you.

You, uh... You slipped away from me at the hangar.

Yes, I was checking the invoices of some of the passengers.

Yes, well, uh, we should get together and compare notes.

I mean, we are looking for the same thing, aren't we?

Fine, why don't you give me a call at my hotel?

Uh, I'm staying at the Rajah.

- Ah, so am I. - Good. Give me a call.

Good. Good, I'll do that. - Okay.

See you later, buddy. - Bye.

At the Rajah.

And your target...

is the bird that glows in the dark.

Right between the shoulder blades.

I'm not very good company. I'm sorry.

Feeling guilty over something that you had nothing to do with...

won't help anyone.

You sound like my uncle.

Well, uncles can be right sometimes. What does he do?

He lives in the past.

Well, India has quite a colorful past.

As a matter of fact, only today I learned that the American word "thug"...

is derived from the "Thuggee" of India.

Is something wrong?

She was on that plane.

Who? DEIRDRE: That woman in the red sari.

Let's take a closer look.

- Do you still think it's she? - I'm certain.

Well, let's meet her.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Well... DARWA: Well, Mr. Solo, we meet again.

And under much more pleasant circumstances.

Isn't it, though?

This is Miss Deirdre Purbhani, and this is Inspector Irindi Darwa.

How do you do?

- Miss Sita Chandi, Mr. Napoleon Solo. - How do you do?

Haven't we met before? You seem familiar.

No, I would remember.

On a plane, perhaps? I work for the airlines.

No, I never travel by air. I'm sorry.

I am, um, very tired. I'd like to retire to my room.

Of course, my dear.

She was aboard that plane. I'm positive.

So am I. Let's go.

Uh, room 612, please.

- Six-twelve. - Four-seventeen.

That's two floors apart. The fates fight us.

That's an interesting ring. - Thank you.

- Would you take me to my room, please? - Of course.

- Good night, Mr. Solo. - Good night.

I'm sure you have an empty room on either side of 612.

You are lucky, sir. Six-fourteen is vacant.

Good, uh, have my things moved to 614. I'll be back later.

What are we going to do about her?

Well, I'll take care of her after I take you home.

Oh, you don't have to see me home. Thank you.

Well, I think we'd best let the inspector have his good night first...

before I visit her.

As you can see, our palace was built in the midst of the poorest slum.

Yes, I can see that, but you, uh, seem to live rather well, though.

Before the days of the Republic, my uncle was the Maharajah of Pasagra.

- Really? - But don't let it overawe you.

We can barely keep it going.

What's that?

What's the matter?

I don't know. An hallucination.

On your back, I thought I saw a glowing sketch of a bird.

There's nothing there now.

Uh, the sound seems to have stopped.

Why don't we go inside, out of the night air?

Please excuse me...

but my uncle prefers that I wear the costume of our country...

when I am at home.

Of course, go ahead.

Infrared.

Good evening, Mr. Solo.

My niece told me you were waiting for her here.

- She will be with us in a moment. - How do you do, Your Highness?

No longer Highness, Mr. Solo. We are a republic now.

Welcome to Pasagra, just the same.

May I offer you some refreshment?

No, uh, thank you. I won't be staying long.

I, uh, had a little accident out on the terrace and I got a, um, rip in my jacket.

Oh, I am sorry.

I was told by Indra...

Or Deirdre, as she prefers to be known in the city...

that you have come here to investigate that terrible plane crash.

Yes, uh, my company sustained rather a large loss in the accident.

That is the goddess Kali, isn't it? - Yes.

Early 15th century, I believe. At least, it's been that long in our family.

You know something of Kali?

Well, I, uh... I know that the Thuggees worshipped her.

- That is blood, isn't it? - Yes, an animal sacrifice.

An old custom that I continue, foolishly, perhaps.

Well, I must say, she is a demanding mistress.

Kali is ancient history.

She, like myself, is an anachronism.

Reality lies with those like Deirdre, who live in the present.

Yes, Deirdre is an exceptionally handsome monument...

to the present.

But I am afraid I have already lost my niece to modern India.

You haven't lost me, dear.

It's simply that we must accept the world as it is...

not as we would like it to be.

Seeing you in that sari, I can understand your uncle's sense of loss.

I would hate to see all of the beautiful and graceful things...

pushed out of the world in this rush for modernization.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I'll have to go.

Will you be talking to that woman, Sita Chandi?

Yes, I'll take care of it.

I don't know what to make of it, uncle.

But I met a woman at the hotel...

whom I could swear boarded the plane that crashed.

That would be most remarkable, my dear. I understand there were no survivors.

Well, there were four passengers who are still unaccounted for.

I'm sure it'll all be taken care of in a few days.

- You must excuse me. Good night, please. - I'll see you out, Mr. Solo.

First him, then Sita Chandi.

She is a danger to us all now.

A green Lion Rampant from the Clan MacAlister.

How did you get it?

By all means, call your friend the inspector,

and then we'll talk of many things...

of a ring that a man wore while boarding a plane that crashed...

of a woman that supposedly died in the crash...

and of Thuggee.

Never mind, operator.

The ring was bought at a bazaar. So?

MacAlister never would have sold it.

Then it was stolen from him. How was I to know?

An airline stewardess saw you boarding that plane.

Obviously, she's wrong.

If I had been on that plane, how could I have survived the crash?

Yes. That is an interesting point.

The plane crashed two hours after radio contact was lost.

Now, in those two hours, the plane could have landed...

in some airstrip that was hammered out of the mountains.

The four passengers could have disembarked...

four Thuggees.

The plane could have been looted...

and someone could have piloted the plane back on course...

and he could have parachuted out, and let it crash.

- That is a fanciful story. - Well, perhaps, perhaps, yes.

But that would explain the four missing passengers...

and some 70,000 pounds worth of jewelry that was missing...

along with many other valuables, including a typewriter.

Perhaps you'd care to tell me what happened to the typewriter...

in exchange for a plea for mercy at your trial.

The only trial, Mr. Solo, will be yours...

if you're not out of here by the time I'm ready to take my bath.

Don't let my speaking voice deceive you.

I've been told that when I scream, I can be heard at great distances.

My friend, the inspector...

will take a very dim view of your forcing your way into my room...

while I was bathing.

All right.

Maybe we'll let him clarify his view after you've dressed.

- I will be back. - Lock the door behind you, Mr. Solo.

Hey, Mr. Solo.

What was this all about? A thief or something?

Well, he wasn't exactly a door-to-door salesman.

It's my night to stay out of dark corners. Twice is too many.

You mean this has happened before?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it did. Someone put a bullet through my coat.

- Fortunately, a little bird had warned me. - That's terrible.

I... I hope you, uh, got the man who took a shot at you.

Well, I, uh, damaged him somewhat.

You just come up here to make sure I got home all right?

Oh, no. No, as a matter of fact, um...

I wanted to talk to you...

about the possibility of working together on this thing.

Oh, really? In what way?

Well, my firm has sustained severe losses, and your firm too.

Mm-hm. And I intend to recover the loss.

Well, of course, but for the time being...

we may both be exerting a great deal of wasted effort.

I mean, the loss may be lost, impossible of recovery.

I'm sorry, but the water in the bathtub in the next room...

has been running long enough to fill a pool.

What, uh...?

What happened to her?

Well, it seems the goddess Kali has called for one of her own.

Lies.

The British eradicated Thuggee over 100 years ago.

The cult of Kali is dead. - Dead?

Or perhaps, as in the story of Sleeping Beauty...

she slept for a hundred years.

This scrap of the strangler's scarf was in MacAlister's hand.

And I am willing to bet that a postmortem on the woman in the next room...

will show that she was also strangled.

I believe there is a much simpler motive for the death of the woman...

in the next room.

I'm very well aware of the attention you've paid to her.

I'm aware that you changed your room in order to be closer to her.

Because she was wearing MacAlister's ring.

Mr. Simpson was with me when we discovered the body.

She couldn't have been dead more than a few minutes at that time.

Of course, I don't know what Mr. Solo was up to...

before I came into his room.

Terribly sorry, old man, I have tell the truth, you know.

Oh, listen, I wouldn't want you to do anything dishonest.

Thank you very much for your help, Mr. Simpson.

If you'll go back to your room now, I'll come by and get your full story later.

Anything I can do to help, inspector.

Um, if there's anything I can do, call me.

- Oh, I will, I will. - Good.

Now that we are alone, Mr. Solo...

perhaps you will talk more freely.

What is your need, if you care to explain, for this arsenal?

I'm with the U.N.C.L.E.

Here's my identification.

I have heard of this organization, of course.

But this... meaningless to me.

You can check with your secret service in New Delhi.

It is now after 4:00 in the morning, and tomorrow, or today, rather...

is the Hindu Feast of Lights, Diwali.

- All the government offices are closed. - I haven't much time, inspector.

Now, I believe that the object that I'm

after fell into the hands of the Thuggees...

along with the loot from the plane.

Now, I've got to find it before they try and dispose of it.

I will tell you what I believe, Mr. Solo.

I believe that you have killed the woman in the room next door.

And I fully intend to see that you pay very dearly for that.

She must have meant a great deal to you, inspector.

I'm sorry.

Sir...

you shall be sorrier.

In a day or two, I shall receive information

that will confirm or reject these credentials.

Until that time, you will remain here in your hotel room.

If you should attempt to leave...

well, India is a very poor nation.

Our jails reflect that poverty.

Put it down over there on the desk, please.

It's curry for breakfast. Pretty hard on the, uh, tum-tum.

- It's pretty sloppy police work out there. - Yes. Well, he's half asleep.

- He's been on duty all night. - Oh.

Now, why don't you sit down and have your breakfast...

while we have a little chat?

Well, I'll tell you, I'd prefer a food taster first.

But you go ahead, uh, you chat.

- Are you sure you don't want this? - No, no. Go on.

We're, um, both after the Verac B.

Yes, that sums it up nicely.

And the way I figure it...

you have more information on the Thuggees than I do.

Mm-hm.

- And the Thuggees have the Verac B. - Mm-hm.

So...

So you tell me what you know.

And in exchange, you will...?

I will tell the inspector that, uh, I was with you much longer than I really was.

And that will give you an alibi.

- And they'll have to let you go. - That's good. That's a good idea.

I'll tell you, um, I have a better idea.

What's that?

That, uh...

is this:

- Yes? - Mr. Solo, please.

Well, I'm very sorry. He, uh, just stepped out for a moment.

May I take a message?

Well, uh, I have some information that he wanted.

Uh, yes. He was very eager to receive it.

As a matter of fact, that's why he, uh...

He left me by the phone when he left the room.

If you'll, uh... If you'll just give it to me.

Mm-hm.

Mr. Solo, you were coming here to see me, right?

Yes, now, who arranged for Miss Purbhani to be removed from the flight?

I just gave the information to Mr. Simpson...

who said he would pass it on to you.

I see. Why don't we save him the trouble? You tell me yourself, all right?

Miss Purbhani was removed from the flight at the request of her uncle.

Oh, well, that is interesting. Was there any reason for the request given?

Uh...

It seems that the maharajah foresaw a disaster.

Oh, I see. Well, that's very farseeing of him. How did he manage that?

The maharajah...

consults the stars.

But of course, we moderns scoff at these things.

Would you do me one more favor?

In one hour, would you call Inspector Darwa...

and indicate that I have gone to visit the Maharajah of Pasagra?

- In an hour? - An hour.

An hour.

Why an hour?

Mr. Solo. What are you doing?

Uh, well, actually, right now, not much of anything.

I'm just sort of standing around here.

Who arranged this welcome for uninvited visitors?

It was installed several hundred years ago to protect the valuables of our family.

Now, suppose you tell me exactly how you got in here.

Did you know it was your uncle...

who arranged for you to be taken off that flight?

No.

Last night, that woman, Sita, was strangled.

She was killed because you could identify her.

And the only person that knew we had her spotted...

was your uncle.

No. He couldn't possibly do that.

Look around you. Look at these trimmings. Look at this palace.

You have to have a lot of money to keep this up.

And you know that his fortune was wiped out.

- Perhaps he borrows. - No.

He kills.

No.

Below this palace, Mr. Solo, there is a cavern...

where Mahakali waits for you.

There, for one brief, shining moment, you will have your answers for all eternity.

I'm sorry.

You must come too, my dear.

From this moment on...

we must move along the same path together.

This is not all from one airplane.

There was recently a train wreck near Bombay, and other...

accidents.

I see, and the disciples of your cult share in the profit, I take it.

In the beginning, it was the thought of profit...

that led me to revive the cult.

And later, well, I have been a shikari, a big-game hunter.

But a tiger, after all, is only a cat.

To stalk your own equal, lure him...

finish him off with only brains, hands and a square of yellow cloth.

There is exaltation. Do you understand?

It's horrible.

You will learn this exaltation.

You will kneel to Kali.

I knew you as my uncle. I do not know you in this guise.

Now that you know, you must join us...

or the children of Kali will send you into the mists with this man.

- I could not stop them now. - I would rather they did.

It is a fate you would not care to share.

Watch.

Wait, wait. Let me buy my life.

I can tell you where there's something very valuable.

And where is this item of value?

Back there, the typewriter case. There's no typewriter in it.

It's something very special, very valuable.

Go ahead, open it.

You'll have to break it open.

It's very valuable.

Get away from that case, all of you.

Thank you, Simpson.

Oh, you're very clever, Mr. Solo.

If you drop that case, it could blow us all up.

That's true enough. Let's go.

No, no. You're staying here. Just give me the case.

The three of us go out of here...

or up in smoke...

together.

We'll talk about that later.

This is indeed a curious sight to greet the eyes of a policeman.

Welcome, inspector...

to the nonexistent, long-extinct cult of the Thuggees.

I, uh, must warn you that I'm a very demanding passenger...

and I may take up a great deal of your valuable time.

An H.A.T. hostess must respond to the needs of each passenger.

- Inspector, are you coming on the flight? - No, miss.

I'm just here to make certain that Mr. Solo and his, uh, typewriter...

are safely aboard your airplane.

My superiors were most explicit about that.

Solo!

Well, I, uh, hope you weren't going to try to slip away alone...

after all we've been through.

- Actually, I was thinking of it, yes. - I wouldn't hear of it, old man.

After all, we have some business to take care of, don't we?

Well, uh, I don't think any visit to Delhi is complete...

without a little tour of their marvelous jail.

And I'll bet you that the inspector there could arrange such a tour.

Of course.

We just have time to inspect the cells before lunch.

Uh, wait, wait, wait. Just a minute.

On your way, perhaps you'll explain your position...

in helping a man under house arrest to escape from his room.

You have a very pleasant journey, Mr. Solo.

I protest.

Yes, protest. That is a very fine idea, protest.

Come along.