Original subtitles

Good night.

I think someone is sending their Christmas presents a little early this year.

Illya Kuryakin knows Mr. Solo too well, and therefore represents a danger.

The attempt to eliminate him failed last night.

For the moment we'll forego any other attempts.

But I must stay particularly alert in his presence.

The voice pattern is not yet perfect.

Resonance still registers 0.2 decibels plus treble.

No problem. A minor larynx adjustment will take care of that.

A bit more cartilage from the upper nasal area, the hairline raised.

- The larynx adjustment. - You have five days, maximum.

Mr. Solo has a reservation at a certain restaurant for the evening of August 3rd.

- By then we should be ready. - Splendid.

And then you'll be ready for your August Affair.

You'll be a perfect double for Napoleon Solo.

Oh...

To the most beautiful airline hostess in the world.

To the most beautiful liar in the world.

Tell me about your trip back from Rome.

It was gay, and it was exciting, and it was very lonely.

It was lonely? Why?

I meet a lot of very interesting people...

but somehow, they're gone before I really know them.

When are you leaving, Napoleon?

In a few days.

- Mr. Solo, telephone. - Thank you.

All right.

Hello.

Hello.

Napoleon Solo would never blow the head off of a beautiful girl.

Not even when the beautiful girl was a Thrush agent.

Thrush? What's that?

Well, now, you remember, sweet, it's that international band of renegades...

that want to rule the world. Thrush.

You know, where you pick up your paycheck every week.

- Oh, we work strictly on commission. - Oh, I see.

Well, what is the going rate for kidnapping U.N.C.L.E. agents?

Huh. I'm not going to kidnap you.

I merely want to discuss something with you, privately.

Well, you see, I have this odd behavior pattern...

that whenever I go to strange places with strange women...

I get hit on the head by strange men.

- But you keep doing it. - Well, I'm trying to quit.

But you can't. And neither of us can afford to waste time.

I'm here to discuss the August Affair.

I, uh, don't understand that.

So you will have to come along and find out, won't you?

Perhaps later.

I'm sorry, the timetable calls for tonight.

And you know the August Affair can't wait.

Brace yourself.

Sandy, um, I tell you, I know this seems like an unusual...

May I have my wrap, please, miss? The black sequined stole.

- Certainly. - This was just a chance meeting.

I came up here to answer the phone and the young lady...

Oh, thank you very much. Here you are, dear.

- Waiter? - Signorina?

- Is that our order? - Spaghetti Milanese.

Oh, Mr. Solo might like to see that. Mm-hm.

Aah!

Scusate, signor.

Yes, scusate.

- Carlos, may I have the check, please? - Sì.

Thank you.

All right.

How would you know about the August Affair?

It's entirely possible I went through

your dossier and read some of the reports.

It's also possible that you might be lying.

All things are possible.

This place isn't bugged. I've checked.

Mm. Huh.

- Shall we sit down? - Fine, for openers.

- Mm-hm. The August Affair, remember? - Oh...

When is it going to take place?

- What? - The August Affair. When will you leave?

Oh, I don't know. It's very difficult to book passage during the tourist season.

- Excuse me, I'll get it. - I'm sorry, I'll get it.

Time to get back to business.

Come in.

You wouldn't put a bullet through your own head, would you?

- Open Channel D. - Channel D open.

Solo, Section Two. You may take the direction finder off me now.

Situation is back to normal.

Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Solo.

You've helped position us for phase three of the August Affair.

I'm afraid our poor Mr. Solo will have a splitting headache...

when he awakens in the Austrian Alps.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Not really.

Will the real Napoleon Solo stand up, please?

I trust you're quite comfortable?

Well, as a matter of fact, I'm not.

Would it be presumptuous of me to ask where I am and where my double is?

I'm afraid it would. Be very careful not to harm him.

We must keep him physically perfect for the moment.

Sorry.

Yes, sir?

Yes.

Yes, sir.

Right away, sir.

- Napoleon. - Illya.

Mr. Waverly.

You must have put in a long night, Mr. Solo.

Well, it had to be done, sir.

Mr. Solo, Mr. Kuryakin here will accompany you on the August Affair.

- Fine. - Sort of breaking in a new career.

I don't want to seem fatalistic, Mr. Solo, but every now and again...

I have a feeling that your days on this earth are numbered.

Well, I am sorry you feel that way, sir.

Yes, well, you'll begin acquainting Mr. Kuryakin...

with all the details of the August Affair immediately.

Can I be told the purpose of this affair?

For the moment, you may know this much.

You and Mr. Solo will proceed to Washington.

At our headquarters there, you'll meet two agents.

And you'll be given a briefcase to transport abroad.

And what does this briefcase contain?

The new combination to a vault.

Combination is changed in the month of August every year.

It's U.N.C.L.E.'s responsibility to see that the combination is delivered.

- The vault, what does it contain? - Perhaps the very fate of the world.

You'll be told when you arrive at your ultimate destination.

- Mr. Solo, welcome back to Washington. - Thank you.

You've changed.

- How? - Your shaving lotion.

It's a gift from my mother.

Good morning.

Buongiorno.

I'm Arsene Coria, Sicilian headquarters.

- Napoleon Solo. - Illya Kuryakin.

How are things in Sicily? - Busy.

If it's not Thrush, it's the Mafiose.

I'm sorry, but I was all night on the plane from Rome.

- My name is Namana, the Liberian Section. - Napoleon Solo.

- And this is Illya Kuryakin. - It's a pleasure.

And Arsene Coria.

I worked with your brother, Ashanti. How is he?

My brother was killed.

- Are we all ready? - Uh-huh.

The rods activate an electronic combination device.

If the case were to be opened improperly...

acid would be released from the walls of the case, destroying the contents.

Va bene?

- Here you are. - Thank you.

Thank you.

Stewardess?

I'll just have some coffee. And could you get me...

a needle and thread. I've got a loose button here.

Yes, sir.

- He really is very interesting-looking. - That miserable rat.

Pretending he didn't even know me.

He's probably married, and someone in the group knows his wife.

He would've told me if he were married.

- Sometimes they forget. - Oh, that rat.

Your coffee, sir. Oh, I'm sorry.

- Was it hot? - No, no, it was just a little bit sweet.

Oh. Hmm.

My orders were the case was to be in sight of at least two of the three couriers.

Oh, yes, we are getting a bit sloppy, aren't we?

Your needle and thread, sir. May I have your jacket?

I'm afraid it's too late. I seem to have lost the button.

Are you sure you haven't lost all your buttons?

Good morning, Mr. Solo.

Anything I can do to make things more comfortable?

How long would you say I have to wear all this jewelry?

Don't be impatient, and please don't struggle.

You might bruise your wrists.

When they find your body at the foot of the mountain, we want it unmarked...

except for contusions sustained in the sudden stop.

To that end, I have a surprise for you.

Nina is an expert masseuse.

Well, at this stage of the game, I'm really not...

We want to preserve the natural body tone...

the normal balance of the glandular humerus...

the relaxed condition of the musculatures. Nina, proceed.

Mm. Nice perfume.

Bye.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Thank you very much again. - You're welcome.

You've been chosen to bear a burden imposed on few living men today.

But first I must warn you, each and every one of you...

to be extremely cautious once we have entered the cave.

- Do we open the case now? - No, not until we've reached the vault...

which is 180 feet beneath the surface.

You will wear these special protective goggles at all times.

And again, I must caution you, be extremely careful...

not to remove them at any time.

Is that quite clear? - Yes.

And now, gentlemen, if you'll please put on these coveralls...

Security measures, as you can see, are quite extensive.

In recent years, scientists from many nations working together...

found themselves on the verge of a discovery.

A discovery of such awesome power that the most deadly nuclear weapons...

would be literally negated by the use of this power.

They were faced with an appalling fact:

That a weapon would have to be constructed...

- to utilize this immense power. - They would build such a weapon?

The choice was not altogether theirs.

We've picked up radio waves from space for a number of years.

However, another aspect of the situation is known to only a few.

And that is, some of these fragments...

according to some of our finest scientific minds...

And that pattern indicates...

that someday we might be assaulted from beyond the stars.

Who can tell? It is more than theory, but less than a proven fact.

And against such a possibility, it was agreed...

the counter weapon would be Project Earthsave.

As you can see, as each capsule is decoded by the machine...

- it is destroyed. - So that no man on earth...

will know the combination we feed into the computer?

Correct.

When the vault is open, it creates a tremendous vacuum...

caused by the electromagnetic radiation from the high-energy gamma rays.

Now, one word of extreme caution.

You must remain at a safe distance from the vault.

The electromagnetic gamma rays create a kind of rapture...

and hypnotic effect, which causes anyone who looks directly into it...

to throw himself into the vault.

Gentlemen, this is Project Earthsave.

Don't touch him.

Don't move. Don't move.

- He tried to adjust his goggles... - No, don't touch him.

He'll drag you in with him.

You can't save a man who no longer exists.

- Good day, gentlemen. DOUBLE: You have reservations for us.

Oh, yes, Mr. Solo.

I've already had your luggage brought to your rooms.

You and Mr. Coria have suite 8.

And Mr. Kuryakin and Namana?

- There will be just three of us. - Oh, I'm sorry.

Had not the four of you intended to go mountain climbing?

I'm sorry, but I'm not up to it. Do you mind?

- Perhaps tomorrow. - Whatever you wish.

Hans. Hans!

Show these gentlemen to their rooms.

Oh, Mr. Solo. I have a message for you.

- I'll join you later. - Anything important?

It could be, yes.

How was the trip?

Well, fortunately Namana met with an unfortunate accident.

Darius Two is ready to rendezvous Solo for the last phase.

Ah, yes, the last phase.

This afternoon I will climb a mountain and take the real Napoleon Solo...

from his cell just 15 miles from here and push him off a cliff.

A climbing accident.

And in two months the assault force at our observatory will be ready.

- And then... - The attack will begin from headquarters.

Once we reach the vault with the combination in our possession...

Project Earthsave is ours.

And no force in the world can resist us.

Darling, you can't imagine what a time I had trying to find you.

I had the entire airline working on it.

Oh, it's so wonderful being together again, now, isn't it? Mm.

Uh...

I see you have your maiden aunt with you, all the way from New York.

- You mind if I join you? - Oh, please do.

You traveled a long way from New York to catch us.

You wouldn't think I'd let him get away that easily, would you?

- I admire your spirit, Miss...? - Sandy, my friends call me Sandy.

Sandy, I tell you, I'm sorry.

This is a business venture here. It's rather hard to explain, you...

You don't have to explain a thing.

We were planning a hike to the mountains...

- Oh, I'd love to go. - Oh, fine.

Why don't we plan to leave in about an hour?

Shall we all meet here? I'm going to change now.

- Oh, me too. I'll see you in one hour. - Mm.

Too late, Mr. Solo.

I've already activated the auto-destruction mechanism.

Neither of us has any chance of escape now.

The entire place will be destroyed.

But not for 30 minutes.

Hey!

Solo's escaped.

Last report was that he was headed this way on the Zurnon Highway.

- What do we do? - Get a message to headquarters.

Order an attack on the stronghold if I

don't contact our men by radio in two hours.

- Attack now? - The plan was for Solo to die...

in a climbing accident. If we can effect a similar accident...

- the plan can continue as scheduled. - But the others?

Solo and the girl will have to...

Will be found dead at the bottom of the cliff.

And you'll be a victim of amnesia.

They'll have no reason to suspect anything worse than a lover's quarrel.

And we'll have the combination to Project Earthsave...

we can use at the right time. Get a message to headquarters.

- I thought you two might try to slip away. - Get out of that car.

- Well, I was only... - Get out of that car.

- Napoleon, please. - Get out!

- How can you be sure we'll intercept him? - This is the only road to the lodge.

Look.

Thrush is going to be very disappointed in you, Serena.

Are you sure you wanna go back?

As I said, I think Thrush is going to be very disappointed in you.

That's not my fault, darling.

I delivered you, which was my primary assignment.

Such bad marksmanship, though. Really, killing the wrong Solo.

By accident?

By accident.

So you thought the game was over and you'd switch sides for a moment...

to earn my gratitude.

As long as I do have your gratitude, what difference does it make?

Thrush will never know of the incident.

You won't tell him, and seems the auto-destruct explosion...

has leveled the entire camp.

I'm the only survivor of the August Affair. My story is the only story.

I see. Mm-hm. So therefore, the failure of Thrush...

is due to one of your dead confederates.

Of course. And now, since out of your gratitude...

you are going to let me go...

I have to leave now.

Ciao, bello.

Ciao.

Where's your college chum?

Oh, she went back for a postgraduate course.

- Now, what is this? - Chicken noodle soup.

Napoleon Solo, you love chicken noodle soup.

- I do? - Yeah.

How do you know I'm the real Napoleon Solo?

How do you know that the real Napoleon Solo wasn't killed on the mountain?

Well, there's one way to find out.

- That brand X? - The real McCoy.