Original subtitles

In New York City...

on a street in the East Forties, there's an ordinary tailor shop.

Or is it ordinary?

We entered through the agents' entrance and we are now in U.N.C.L.E. headquarters.

That's the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement.

U.N.C.L.E. is an organization consisting of agents of all nationalities.

It's involved in maintaining political and legal order anywhere in the world.

My name is Napoleon Solo.

I'm an enforcement agent in Section Two here.

That's Operations and Enforcement.

I am Illya Kuryakin. I am also an enforcement agent.

Like my friend Napoleon, I go and I do whatever I am told to by our chief.

Huh? Oh, yes. Alexander Waverly.

Number One in Section One.

In charge of this, our New York headquarters.

It's from here that I send these young men on their various missions.

Father!

- This is... Father, what's...? - Get away from me!

No, don't touch me! Don't touch me! No!

Don't touch me! No!

Stay away from me! Stay away from me!

Stay away from me. No!

Father... Never come near me.

- Don't hurt me. No, don't hurt me! - Daddy. Daddy, it's Marion. Daddy.

Get a doctor. A doctor. Qui... Quickly. Plea...

He's coming around, Bufferton. It's wearing off.

That's quite interesting.

How long since he got a whiff of that stuff?

Only 30 minutes, darling. Not a very heavy dose, either.

The girl's going for help.

There's only one thing to do unless you have some other ideas.

Ha. That's a fool question if I ever heard one.

Gervaise?

Kill him.

Okay. As long as we all agree.

Karadian, don't be so nervous. Make yourself a drink.

Gervaise? How's the weather in New York?

You better bring your raincoats.

You know how unpredictable it is this time of the year.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

Dr. Gregory Raven was in Yugoslavia...

on a mission for the International Public Health Service.

He stumbled across something that was none of his business...

and made a cursory report to his superiors.

Then someone killed him.

According to his daughter, he was in a state of almost pathological terror.

According to his file, he was a normal, healthy, intelligent man.

I want to know what it is, would reduce a man like that to a...

A whimpering rabbit.

Well, Mr. Solo?

Mr. Kuryakin?

Any ideas how you frighten a man like that out of his wits?

Well, the fear of death, perhaps.

If he'd been expecting a blast from a

shotgun, he'd have told his daughter to run.

As it was, he told her to fetch a doctor.

Not a policeman, a doctor.

Hmm.

Nice.

Uh, his daughter. Marion Raven.

She arrived just in time to see him killed.

Back home now, here in New York.

My report to the police was clear enough, surely?

All my father said was he'd come across something "interesting and alarming."

- His exact words. - Now, he was a foreigner.

He didn't know the language, so he must have had a local man to help him.

There was one man who seemed an unusual sort of man for Father to know.

A smuggler of black-market cigarettes.

Father called him a professional bandit.

- Is that a very old-fashioned word? - Not over there, no.

- You knew this man? - Yes. I rather liked him.

He was so proud of being a good smuggler.

Excuse me. Did you take all these photographs?

- Yes. - I like the one of the boat.

Thank you.

I wonder...

I took a photograph of a boat once. A big yacht, the Biella.

And when I showed it to Father, he made me destroy it.

That was the day before he was killed.

Why, Mr. Solo, why? Can you tell me why?

I'm sorry. I don't usually make a fool of myself like this.

There's nothing foolish about emotion.

Oh, it's just that I'm not used to being under police protection.

I find it nerve-wracking, that's all.

Oh, they're very unobtrusive, I assure you...

but I've felt them following me ever since I came to New York.

- It is a policeman, isn't it? - No, it's not.

As you say, they're very unobtrusive, but no one out there has that kind of look.

- I wish I knew what this was all about. - We'll find out, I promise you.

Do you have any relatives out in the country where you might go for a while?

No, Mr. Solo.

This is my home. This is where my father and I lived.

And I won't leave it, not just to run off like a scared rabbit.

- I see. You're not the rabbit type, huh? - Definitely not.

You're a stubborn woman.

Well, I must do some research. Mr. Kuryakin will look after you.

Take good care of her, Illya.

She may very well be a stubborn woman. But she's nice.

Resolution is my favorite virtue.

You'll get used to him. He might even grow on you.

I'll be at HQ. Report in on the hour.

Would you like some coffee?

Shall I play you a record?

You probably don't have anything I like. Just forget I'm here.

That won't be easy.

Just part of the furniture.

The Biella. Registered France to Madame Gervaise Ravel.

Left Valona, Yugoslavia on the 11th. Arrived New York Harbor on the 21st.

Let's have a look at the, uh, owner of the yacht.

Mm-hm.

- Very handsome owner. - If you like the feline type.

Well, they purr so nicely.

What do we know about her?

Gervaise Ravel, 30.

Born in Aix-en-Provence, widow of Armand Ravel.

Oh, yes. The French minister who committed suicide a few years ago.

Suspected of heading the Intelligence Department...

of the French Secret Army...

and who killed himself on April 7th, 1963 rather than face trial.

Shall I go on? SOLO: Do, do.

She is non grata in France and has no police record in any country.

And she's classified as dangerous.

A beautiful woman should always be so classified.

- Me too, Mr. Solo? - Oh, top of the list, Miss McNabb.

Uh, will you pull out some more material for me?

Someone once said there can be no mischief where there's music.

Do you believe that?

Cervantes. But he was wrong.

There's mischief all around us and it pays not to forget it.

- Who is it? MAN: Messenger service.

Just a minute.

- It's for Miss Marion Raven. - Oh, I'll take it. Uh...

Uh, would you mine putting it on the corner of the table, please?

Oh.

Ah.

- Thank you, sir. - It's all right.

"With love, darling, Edmund." Who's Edmund?

- He's a boy I go out with sometimes. - Hmm. Get him on the phone.

I can't. He left town this week. He's gone to Mexico.

It doesn't seem ominous but it pays to be careful.

No, you'd better stay in there.

Hmm.

It's all right, you can come out.

- It's the kind he always sends. - Oh, that's a good sign.

But I'm going to have them analyzed all the same.

- And that wasn't a messenger? - Well, if it wasn't, we can soon find him.

And his fingerprints are on the package.

Hmm. Aren't we efficient?

Heh, heh. The record needs changing.

Madame Ravel is giving a reception on board her yacht tomorrow afternoon.

Thought you might want to pay her a visit.

Yes, I'd like to.

What's the news from Mr. Kuryakin?

Well, he's supposed to have called me three minutes ago.

Murray Hill, 33098?

- Illya. - No, no.

No, no, leave me... Leave me alone, leave me alone.

Please go away. Please, please, don't touch me.

Don't touch me... Don't touch...

- Open Channel D. - Are you all right?

I mean, Channel D is open.

Report for Number One of Section One.

Marion Raven is missing. And I'm all right, thank you. Acknowledge.

Waverly here.

Is that...?

Is that some sort of animal I hear crying?

Yeah, something like that.

Can we count on these new men?

Yes. A total of 30, all ex-officers, all with axes to grind.

They want a lot of money.

Bufferton has a lot of money.

A flat 2 million. A bonus for the German.

- Is it too much? - Hmm.

A single one of my emerald mines can produce that in a single week.

Money is like fertilizer, Gervaise.

You have to spread it around if it's to do any good.

Or, shall we say, any harm.

And our dear Colonel Pattner has a lot of harm.

There's no harm in overthrowing fools who think they're running a government.

Yeah, Fire Department here.

Inspector Matheson, from the Fire Department.

All right, send him down.

Below decks, main stateroom.

When we pull this off, I'll show you...

Beg your pardon.

Sorry, mister. Private.

Oh. Oh.

Madame Gervaise, did the fire inspector get there yet?

No, find him.

Come on. I just put them to sleep.

They'll have gentle hangovers, but that's the hazards of their trade.

No shooting unless you must.

Report.

We have the intruder and the girl trapped on the upper deck.

He's armed.

All right, jump.

A boat pulled up alongside and picked them off.

They do plan well, don't they?

It's very interesting. One disintegrated piece of candy...

that left behind traces of chlorasine and picric acid.

And the blood slides from this young lady match exactly those of Mr. Kuryakin.

Diphenyl sulfide.

Extraordinary. Maybe this card will tell us something.

Colonel Adam Pattner was on board.

Seemed very much at home there. You remember him?

Ex-Colonel Adam Pattner, yes. Yes, I do.

He was forced to resign his commission because of his political fanaticism.

He had an idea the world was being ruled by idiots.

Well, it's not the first time a man has been ruined by a half-truth.

You all right now?

Yes. I'm still a little frightened. Is that bad?

It was a chemically induced fear. You have every right to be frightened.

I was too.

Well, by the looks of you two, the drug seems to have no aftereffect.

Diphenylpicrincyanicchlorasine.

Known to be a powerful depressant which acts on the nervous system...

and artificially creates a condition of extreme fear.

It was developed by Professor Enver Karadian during World War ll...

but work on it was abandoned...

when the gas was found to be too unstable for efficient control.

Professor Karadian continued his research on the gas...

in Germany, the Soviet Union and Japan in the period 1952-1958.

He was expected to visit the United States in April of 1959...

to demonstrate the results of his research, but disappeared.

There's been no trace of him since.

April, 1959.

Wasn't that the time Colonel Pattner resigned suddenly?

Yes, it was.

I wonder if it was he who steered Karadian away from the Pentagon.

And now someone has tamed that fear gas and put it to work.

Miss Raven...

tell me about this Yugoslav village that seemed to interest your father.

Well, there's not much I do know.

A place called Nasunji. It's not so much a village as a mountain area.

A lot of deep caverns, I believe, where the

guerrillas used to hide out during the war.

It's almost impassable country, quite remote.

And this friend of your father's, Milan Horth, lives there?

Yes.

Miss Raven, would you...?

Would you help us to find the men who killed your father?

- I will do anything you ask. - Good.

- Karadian, can you hear me? - Yes. Yes, you are coming in faintly now.

- How was the meeting? - Excellent.

I have four new groups.

We've been promised nearly 3000 men under the command of the German.

What about the containers?

They are coming off the assembly line very fast now.

Anything else? What about security?

- Under control. - Tighten it up.

We've had some trouble. Raven's daughter has been exposed to the gas.

- She's been talking, I don't know to whom. - What?

You better expect a visit from an unfriendly agency.

I want a red alert on all systems, is that understood?

Of course. Of course, I understand.

Good. Signing off.

If there's an attack, I don't think he'll handle it.

Yes, I better get back. You and Bufferton can finish up here.

Good. I'd like to know just who took that girl from under our noses.

It suggests a highly efficient organization.

They shall have to be taught a severe and painful lesson.

Go to it, Pattner. Go to it. Teach them.

And now we'll come in fairly low, about 5000 feet.

We'll use an old B-17, something like that.

Smugglers are always using surplus airplanes in this part of the world.

And that should be it.

How can you be sure of their response to such a situation?

Well, with their wealth, their obvious resources...

plus Colonel Pattner's military know-how...

their reaction should be fairly predictable.

It had better be.

Remember, if you want to back out, tomorrow is too late.

It might be well for you to reconsider.

You won't get anywhere without Horth. And Horth doesn't know you.

All right, then. Next stop, Yugoslavia.

The three of us.

- Sir. - What is it?

- We have an intercept. - Course, range, altitude?

Direct heading, security area.

- 12 miles. - 5000 feet.

- It's coming around. - Circling, huh?

Alert intercept.

Sound the alarm.

It's coming around for another approach, sir.

All right. Bring him down.

The bird is on auto fire.

Direct hit, sir. The scanner is clean.

- Parachutes? - None reported sighted, sir.

A lesson in manners for clever people.

You think they picked up the helicopter on radar?

No. We flew in too low.

Let's hope that all of their electronic scanning equipment...

was trained on our robot-controlled bomber.

Let's go.

Horth! Horth.

- These men are your friends? - Yes. Very good friends.

Nevertheless, hello.

So I see the big bird go pfft.

And I see the little bird land on the nest and lay three eggs.

So I go down to see what the eggs hatch.

I'm glad it was you. It could've been some of the other fellows.

Yes, there are many strangers around here now.

You scared the wits out of me, springing at us like that.

That's how I lost my fourth wife.

Mr. Horth, we've come a long way to find you.

Now you find. So?

Is it safe to talk here?

Nowhere is safe, but talk.

You'll remember Gregory Raven?

He was my friend.

And the men who killed him, where did they come from?

Nasunji. A mountain out there.

Strangers, you said.

Do you know what they're doing?

They come from France, from Spain, from Germany, from many places.

But what they do, that I do not know.

Gregory Raven told me he had found a man...

who had returned from the caves at Nasunji.

He had returned so full of fear he could not speak.

Raven ask me to guide him there.

So we went at night, silently.

But I could not find a way past the guards.

There was a white gas lying on the ground in the hollow before the caves.

Raven took my arm and said, "Run."

Or else what had happened to the man he had found would happen to us too.

And so, to my shame...

I ran.

Someday...

I go back and see what those evil men do on my mountain.

Now is your chance. Will you guide us there?

Just the two of us.

Marion can stay here till we come back.

- And if you don't come back? - We will.

These are the men that killed my father.

She's a brave girl. I like.

- It'll be a tough climb. - Don't let my sex mislead you, Mr. Solo.

I'm trying very hard not to.

Can we go?

Now.

I told you. Nowhere is safe.

Better we go now.

Well? How you like our mountains, huh?

How much...? How much more?

Oh, four, five hours, maybe.

- I had the feeling I was in shape. - You learn a little something every day.

Let's go.

I'll never breathe normally again.

Take deep breaths. Slowly.

And relax. You only have few moments before Napoleon and Horth return...

from scouting the area ahead.

Then we climb again.

It seems whenever we're together, you always have a gun in your hand.

I never feel quite comfortable with you, Illya.

You have to learn to ignore me. Pretend I'm part of the background.

Just another rock or a tree.

All right.

You're a rock.

Nasunji.

The caves are through that pass and over the bridge there, you see?

I have a feeling they're still expecting someone.

Then let's not disappoint them.

At all times, close to me.

All right, move on down. Keep out of sight, I'll meet you at the bottom.

We picked up something, Mr. Karadian. Unit 6.

Unit 6, let me see what you've got.

All sections, start your cameras.

- There they are. - I'm not blind.

Hmm.

I should have taken care of her before.

Now she comes back, with a headache...

for us.

Okay, turn them off. Go get them.

- A woman. Couldn't we at least...? - No.

Disarm them.

Put these on, you'll need them.

You'll never get across that bridge without them.

Come along, move.

All right, you can take them off now.

Okay, move along. Come on, move.

Put the mask on the desk.

All right, let's go.

Turn to your right. Come on, come on.

Take the girl and run.

Come on.

No, no. Horth!

Take that dog out and bury him.

Next time, it'll be you. Take them to the command room.

Come on, hurry up. Get those boxes in here.

Go ahead.

They tricked us with a decoy airplane but we stopped them in the valley.

The girl and two men. Had to kill one of them.

Good. Find out who sent them and how much they know.

Use thiopental on them, both of them. Then get rid of them.

I've finished the recruiting.

We can go ahead with the attack any time you're ready. Do you have enough gas?

Enough to flood every military depot in the country.

I'm allowing five days for the takeover.

The only thing we're waiting for now are the new pilots. Where are they?

They're on their way.

I'm signing off now.

I wish we could have done this alone, just you and I.

They'll be soon to the end of their usefulness, both of them.

- Illya? - Shh.

- But I'm so... - Please. I must think.

There has to be some way out of this.

But there just isn't, so can't we just talk?

Not now. Just pretend I'm not here.

Part of the walls.

That's what you are. All right. Pretend you're part of the walls.

Or a lamp or a chair or a tree or a rock.

But just for once...

just once, couldn't you pretend you're a human being?

For a few moments, then, let us pretend I'm a human being.

Energetic young man, isn't he?

What are we going to do with them?

What is...?

Come on.

Check the doors.

The conduits. Check the conduits.

Hey.

Okay.

Sir, all conduit fires are out but all electrical power is gone.

Double the guards at all points.

All right, men, let's go. Come on, men. Go, move out.

Look out!

It's the gas! It's the gas!

Kuryakin.

Hurry, I left a time bomb in the ammunition room.

They've lost their headquarters, their chemical plant, their scientist...

and their supply of that gas is buried under a million tons of rock. Huh.

Well, that would seem to be the end of it, wouldn't it?

Nothing left but an ugly scar. And one day, that too will be covered over.

And you, Miss Raven.

We have a lot to thank you for.

If there's anything I can ever do for you...

Ever, at anytime, anywhere.

No. All I want now is the cozy feeling I get...

when I'm curled up on my own divan, listening to the kind of music I like.

Goodbye, Mr. Waverly.

You know, the kind of music your people play is hard on my nerves.

- I'll take you home. - You don't have to.

We'll walk. It's a nice afternoon for walking.

Well, I suppose I ought to say it's been nice.

Well, I suppose I ought to say I hope we'll meet again someday.

We will, no doubt. If you're needed, where will you be?

Right where I'm needed.

Our report, sir.

The best possible thing for her.

She has a lot to forget. I told Illya to help her put it all behind her.

Well, that seems, sir, to indicate a very sympathetic attitude.

I'd like you to know I appreciate it.

Well, it's all over for Miss Raven, isn't it?

But not for you, Mr. Solo.

Gervaise Ravel? Mr. Bufferton?

Precisely.

I was afraid you'd say that.

- Well, after this weekend... - Night.

When you've decided what to do about them...

let me know.

Yes, sir.