Original subtitles

Welcome everyone to our very first Kiki Awards.

I am so excited to announce our winners.

And I am dressed normally for a summer camp awards show.

Tonight is all about you,

the campers, the very fabric of this institution.

And not at all about me needing an excuse

to wear this magnificent gown after my cousin called off her wedding.

Our regrets to Stacy.

As you know you were all asked to vote

for your favorite camper or counselor

in a variety of categories.

Yeah, I noticed there was no category

for best experimental trombone player.

Hurtful.

And now, for our first award,

the Kiki for biggest daredevil.

-Is that something we should reward? -Hush, I'm pandering.

And the Kiki goes to...

wild Winnie Webber.

Duh! I'm like the Meryl Streep of making bad decisions.

-And... -And?

What do you mean and?

Fearless Frankie Finkle.

It's a tie, folks.

Yeah.

Thanks, Lou. Sorry, again, for using that telephone wire as a zip line.

And to all of you

who haven't been able to call your parents this week.

I regret nothing.

I demand a recount.

That award is mine.

What's the matter, Webber?

Worried there's someone else at this camp

less insurable than you are?

You're both very expensive. Now, move it along.

Lou, we got, like, three hundred. awards to get through.

-Can we speed it up a bit? -Oh, right. [chuckles]

All right, best leader goes to,

duh! Me. [chuckles]

And Best Needle Pointer... [exclaims]

Yeah, me again.

What! I was robbed.

All these calluses for nothing?

Best Catfish Noodler,

best Amateur Plumber,

Lifetime Achievement award.

Me, me, me guys, I am blushing.

I cannot accept all of this.

But, of course, I will.

-Can I read some? -Are you still here?

And the Kiki for Most Fun Adult goes to...

Weird. [chuckles]

"Me" is spelled like "Parker."

I won? All right!

Isn't this great?

[all applauding]

Can someone get an orchestra and play this guy off?

Well, that was a rhetorical question.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪

♪ Round and round ♪

Fearless Frankie.

-Wild's Winnie. -Green grass.

Sorry, I don't know what we're doing.

There's no way the Kiki for best daredevil is a tie.

Lou's math must be wrong.

That's why we don't let her draw the numbers for hopscotch.

Man. The Kikis were last night?

I totally forgot about that.

Really? Because it's written on your arm.

Oh yeah, but I was wearing a sweater.

So you didn't vote for anyone?

No, but I definitely thought about it.

And isn't it the thought that counts?

[both girls] No!

Wait. If Jake hasn't bought it yet,

then that means the Kiki is still up for grabs.

She's right.

Cast your vote, Jacobs,

and remember who got rid of that monster under your bed.

You were that monster.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Jake. Cast your vote and remember

who never hid under your bed to scare you.

Although that does sound like a good idea.

Ugh, this is too hard.

You're both fierce, powerful women

that I'm a little afraid of.

I have an idea.

If Jake can't decide, let's do a daredevil-off.

Yeah, whoever impresses Jake the most wins.

Bonus points if you don't die.

Challenge accepted.

Jake's vote is all mine.

We'll see about that.

Does anyone want to know

if I had plans today?

Because I don't. I'm in.

Hey, Noah. Are you okay?

You're doing that thing where you pace nervously

until someone asks you what's wrong.

Yeah. It's about time you got here.

I'm reading this email from the acting school at Juilliard,

and it's kind of freaking me out.

"We are looking forward to visiting you

to see if you are a serious candidate for our program.

Sincerely, Tish."

Wow, Noah. An audition for Juilliard?

Congratulations.

Oh. Thank you.

But what does it mean?

Yes, it is so straightforward,

why would we take it at face value?

Is she worried I'm not a serious actor?

and why are there zero exclamation points in this email?

Is she mad at me?

Noah, I'm sure she's coming to Dusty Tush

because she read the rave reviews

you got for Dino Camp Diaries.

I wrote those reviews.

Look, if I get into Juilliard,

I'm guaranteed to have a serious acting career.

I have to rethink my entire approach.

Just follow your instincts.

Ew, no. What?

For my audition, I'm going to do what

what real serious actors do.

I'm going to become my character.

I'm going method.

What's going method,

and how will it affect me for the next 24 hours?

It means I'm going to live

as Bernard Seehorn from the movie Cast Off.

He gets stranded on the island and confronts a bear

who's the reincarnation of his late father.

Ah, yes. Going for that pretentious bear demographic.

Do you want me to help you run lines?

This is Juilliard.

I need to inhabit my character

before I even think about lines.

By the time Tish gets here,

Noah will be Bernard's mere skin suit.

Well, if you change your mind,

I did a perfect bear impression in my pageant days.

It didn't land with the judges,

but I am legally married to a grizzly named Carl, so...

Is it just me or did Lou seem a little upset

after the Kiki Awards?

How could she be upset when she won Best Needlepointer?

You say won. I say stole.

I don't know, Lou seemed perfectly normal to me.

Beep-beep! The dairy fairy has arrived.

Come to me, my beloved campers.

Bask in my fun-ness.

Wow, Lou!

Ice cream for lunch?

Are you trying to get rid of all the expired boot again?

No! [chuckles]

Well, yes.

But I'm also doing it because it's fun and I'm fun.

What a fun choice for a fun adult

to be making.

Normal, huh?

Oh, you got my favorite sundae topping.

Gravy!

Don't look at me like that.

It's sweet and salty. What's not to like?

This is all because Parker won most fun adult, isn't it?

Of course it is. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been voted Most Petty.

Lou, come on. You are fun.

You don't need to prove it by serving us a flavour of ice cream

that I know is just called "Chunks."

Well, you've given me a lot to think about.

But right now it's time for a...

sprinkle drone!

Important question.

What are the chunks?

Okay, everyone,

due to our 300 way tie for worst aim,

we are officially banned from open spaces.

So enjoy this enclosed area

where we can only hurt each other.

Hark!

I never thought mine eyes would see another human again.

Um... Noah?

I know not this Noah of whom you speak.

My name is...

Bernard Seahorn.

I crash landed on this island eight days ago.

It was a very difficult montage.

That's a long beard for eight days.

The wilderness ages a man.

Um, well, we have a class to get through, so...

It is a land full of hardships.

Sometimes it's...

so cold.

I said...

it's so cold.

How... cold is it?

I'm glad you asked.

It's so cold, I once had to burrow

into a pelican's gullet to keep warm.

We formed an inseparable bond that night.

It was tough to tell where bird ended

and Bernard began.

This is why we monitor your letters home to your parents.

Ah, maybe Bernard

can show us how to shoot an arrow.

Bernard needs a tool with far greater reliability.

Look upon what I've created.

I have made...

spire!

Sorry. [chuchkles nervously]

My hands are a little slippery from the Pelican Spit.

I'd say this is weird, but...

I have a husband who's a bear.

Wonder where Winnie is. She said to meet her here too,

and I quote, "Commence the daredevil-off

and fart all over Frankie's life."

She probably chickened out.

Everyone knows I eat farts for breakfast.

Metaphorically.

[Winnie over speaker] Make room, suckers.

[all applauding]

[all cheering]

And that's how you base jump off the highest point in Wyoming.

Remember this moment.

Your grandchildren will want to hear about it.

That was amazing.

And thanks for the future conversation starter.

It's always hard to bridge the generation gap.

You thought you'd win a daredevil-off with that?

I started base jumping when I was still in diapers.

The wind was my changing table.

Now that I think about it, Winnie.

It would've been cooler if you had done it while being a tiny baby.

Fine. Think you can do something better? Try it.

-Challenge accepted. -[Winnie exclaims]

That's my catchphrase.

I had it trademarked.

Expect a cease and desist from my lawyer.

Ooh, this is getting juicy.

Grandpa J is gonna be a hit at Thanksgiving, 2075.

Oh, no! Book club is today?

But I didn't finish Where the Red Fern Grows.

If you haven't finished the book, you ca--

Got to watch the movie.

Way ahead of you. Found it online.

I'll just watch the end.

That's how I almost passed 8th grade english, so...

Okay, before we get started.

I know this book deals with some heavy subject matter.

I wanna assure you all we will be handling it

very, very delicately, and--

[air horn blowing]

Sup, nerds!

Let's get this book club started.

[air horn continues blowing]

[mimicking air horn]

Lou, this is so inappropriate.

Also, you don't have to make noises

with your mouth on top of the horn.

It's redundant and weird.

As a fun person, I can't help but make

anything and everything fun.

Even a novel where two dogs die?

Fine. That one's kind of a bummer.

What's next on the list?

-Marley and Me. -Yikes.

Who's got two thumbs and is gonna stop

picking books about dead pets?

This girl. [mimicks air horn]

[air horn blowing]

I knew we should have just done a Where's Waldo?

Bil, why didn't you warn me?

Hopefully, Marley and Me has a happier ending.

Really, come on.

My mind is blank.

I am one with nature.

I meditate, therefore, I am better than everyone.

Quick. I need a safe place to hide.

Okay, your spiritual energy is at a ten. I need you at a three.

Mark and I have no time for your woo-woo numbers.

Wait, who's Mark?

I'd like you to meet...

Mark Ballberg.

Shape of a sphere, heart of a friend.

Noah, I think you're getting carried away.

What was that?

[laughs boisterously]

Good one, Marky Mark!

Oh, what? What'd he say?

I can't repeat it, but he did a spot-on impression of you.

He even nailed your angry, squeaky voice.

Ugh, that is it! I have had enough.

Yes, that is the one.

Ballberg!

Serious actors don't wander around camp

talking to basketballs.

I know you won Most Likely To Take It One Step Too Far,

but this is ridiculous.

You're right, Destiny.

I can't wander around camp talking to basketballs.

-I need to focus. -Thank you.

Which I can only do by isolating myself,

as Bernard did.

Farewell, child.

I'm off to find a pelican.

[in a squeaky voice] No, that is not what I meant.

Okay, now I'm hearing it.

Come on, Jake, just vote for me.

I bet Frankie's stunt is gonna be so lame.

Time to ride the flaming ramp of doom

and be forever immortalized in stunt.

Valhalla!

Oh, it'll be sick.

Watch how it's done, Weber.

Vroom-vroom!

You're making that noise with your mouth,

Shh. Winnie, you're destroying the illusion.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[crowd exclaiming]

[crowd cheering]

Whose got your vote now, Jakey?

Whoa! She gave me an endearing nickname,

and it's swaying me.

I think I've decided.

I know where you sleep.

I think I'm firmly undecided.

I guess it's time to take things up a notch.

Challenge acknowledged.

You sidestepped my trademark.

Clever girl.

Hey, have any of you guys seen Noah?

Bearded, carries a stick, friends with a basketball?

Noah, the recruiter's gonna be here any minute.

You look terrible.

I was up all night hunting for...

[yawns]

Food.

So you haven't eaten or slept since yesterday?

Well...

I may have eaten Mark Ballberg.

How did you eat a basketball

with a heavy heart and a lot of tears.

Okay, just go in the kitchen and eat some Chunks.

That'll wake you up.

I'm looking for a Noah Lambert.

You must be Tish.

Noah is really looking forward to meeting you.

Then where is he?

Juilliard does not appreciate tardiness.

Unless you're a nepo baby,

then you can be as late as you want.

Ah, Noah. meet Tish!

Tish, pleasure to meet...

[snoring]

I don't respond to low energy performances.

Um, well, did you know

Noah is also an incredible dancer?

Look. Jazz hands.

Ow, you're heavy.

Why does his breath smell like a basketball?

-I've seen enough. -[Noah snoring]

Tish, please.

I have a plane to catch.

Honestly, I should have just auditioned

Gwyneth Paltrow's step-niece.

This pelican's so warm.

What were you thinking, Noah?

I just wanted to prove to Juilliard

that I'm a serious actor.

You are a serious actor.

Destiny, my last onscreen line was,

"Keep that triceratops out of the time canoe!"

Noah, you're an incredible performer.

Plus, you're committed to your roles, eager to learn,

and there's nothing you care about more than your craft.

You're right,

I have no idea where my campers are.

Juilliard would be lucky to have you.

Thanks, Destiny, but it's too late.

Tish's just probably boarding the plane as we speak.

I think we've got time to stop her.

There's only one shuttle to the airport,

and it's two donkeys pulling an old bathtub.

Finally, this town works for us.

So, what stunt do you have in store to impress the Jakester?

I's not as fun when I nickname myself.

Voila!

I'm gonna shoot myself out of this cannon and into the lake.

Then you'll realize I deserve "Best Daredevil."

Copycat!

First you steal my trophy, then you steal my cannon guy?

I guess we'll just have to see who can shoot themselves the farthest.

Fine, but FYI, if you can't find me,

I'm in the Pacific and I won!

I should probably stop this.

Jake's voting for me.

No. Jake's voting for me.

Or I could see where it goes.

I'm so much more daring than you.

I wrestled the barracuda in the middle of a tsunami.

Now he's my pet, and I love him very much!

Oh, yeah?

I once gave a crocodile a root canal!

His tooth was fine. I did it for fun!

Ladies, please.

You're both awesome daredevils.

There will be plenty of time to fight

after you blast yourselves into the sky.

Now, chop-chop! Entertain me!

Wait a minute.

He's right.

We are both awesome daredevils.

So, why are we arguing over some guy's opinion that doesn't even matter?

Ouch.

Yeah, you're right.

I didn't wanna admit it, but your base jump was iconic.

And your bike stunt was awesome!

I know I was hating, but those "vroom-vrooms" were so cool.

I know, right? I was so in the moment, it just came out of me!

[both] Let's share the Kiki!

I'm so glad I didn't cut your brake lines.

What?

-Oh, let's clean all this up before Lou sees! -Yeah.

Ooh! Human cannons! Funsies.

Funsies? There's giant cannons on the lawn.

We need to get rid of them before we're charged with crimesies.

Wow, sounds like I'm the fun one.

Last one to the cannon doesn't deserve their award.

Is Lou doing this because I won "Most Fun"?

Welcome to the party.

I need to talk to Lou. She might be taking this too far.

Who's ready to have some fun?

She's definitely taking this too far.

Grip it and rip it, Jake!

Oh, no, no, no!

[Lou] I regret this!

And I'm really enjoying

being a part of the democratic process.

I don't see Tish anywhere!

Oh, she must already be at the gate. I've got to stop her.

One ticket anywhere, please.

[disinterested tone] Thank you for choosing Dusty Tush Airlines,

now featuring seats inside the plane.

Really? Two summers of flying back and forth to Tallahassee,

and now you decide to do this?

That's fine. Just please hurry.

There's one to ticket left

and it's $1,200.

Why is it so expensive?

The plane's emergency exits are beaded curtains!

Those are ethically sourced.

Now, pay up or move along.

You still have time to catch the donkey tub.

Please. I need to get to security

to see someone before they leave my life forever!

If I don't say my piece before she goes home,

I may never have another shot at the future that I could have had.

For the last couple of days,

I tried to be someone I'm not.

I wore a mask, I ignored responsibilities,

I befriended an inanimate object.

Then he ate it.

And for what?

To lose the one thing that matters most to me.

I want to be a man who follows his passions.

If you have a heart,

please help me become that man.

Aww.

I would love nothing more...

[inhales] for $1,200.

How can you stand there in your cheap vest

behind your ivory counter and play God with my future?

Wow, this is so powerful.

Tish, you're still here?

Barely. This monologue is giving me

an out-of-body experience.

Tish? I thought you--

And scene, ha!

Wonderful audition, Noah.

And not just how you consistently behave in public.

An audition?

Oh, yes, that's what I was doing!

An audition for Tish,

who we fully expected to witness it!

And a big thank you to my scene partner.

Please step out of line.

This has been a lot.

You're a true talent, Noah.

And you know, I mean that, because your parents aren't famous.

You're right, they're nobodies!

I'll be discussing this audition

very favorably with the admissions board.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go buy a bus ticket.

I saw them winding the plane's propellers

with rubber bands.

Hold the tub!

You did it. See, I told you,

you didn't need to go method after all.

Yeah. I really wish I would've learned that

before I ate a basketball.

Yeah.

[sniffing] Oh, your breath really smells like Mark.

How awesome did my stunt look?

If awesome means hitting every tree

between here and the lake, then very.

Might've also swallowed a hawk.

Lou, it's just a silly award. Why do you care so much?

Because if I'm not fun

then I can't be a great camp owner.

That's what camp's all about.

But again, you are fun.

Who else kicked off the summer in a self-driving car?

Luxury Jeep, but go on.

And put on Christmas in July?

Spent days dressed as a starfish.

I did do that.

Unfortunate how it coincided with my high school reunion.

You make this the best place

to spend summer in the whole world.

Kiki or not, you're the epitome of fun.

Thanks, guys. You're right.

I don't need an award to prove anything.

In that case, fork over the Needlepoint Kiki to its rightful owner.

Oh, you think you're better than me? Mmm.

Well, I guess this calls for a Needlepoint-Off.

Challenge accepted!

Bill...

you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

[♪ theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0