Original subtitles

[instrumental country music playing]

Lou!

Oh, hey, Barb.

Did someone say your name three times?

Something awful is happening, and it's even worse than

one of your motivational moment sessions.

I'll address that comment

in my next Words Can Be Used as Weapons circle.

My brother Baxter is coming to visit.

So? Family visiting is a great thing.

Unless it's my Uncle Earl who cuts his steak with a fork in his elbow.

Baxter is a camp director, like I was,

and a speed walker.

His tracksuit is made of a special material he invented,

which shaves seconds off his race times.

You should see him at a mall on Black Friday.

Still not seeing the problem.

The problem is he's better than me at everything,

and I still haven't told him that I got...

you know... fired from Camp Champion.

Well, at least you're better than him at getting fired.

Lou, be serious.

We're super competitive.

And now I have to tell him that I'm a lo...

[clears throat]

A lose...

A loser?

Yes, a loser.

[sighs] It is so much easier to say when we're talking about you.

So, when do I get to meet this bonus Barca?

Whoo!

-[stopwatch beeps] -Yes! This tracksuit is a speed demon.

There better be a mall in this town 'cause I am on fire.

Hey, Barb! So excited to see you.

Mmm. Well, I'm more excited to see you, Baxter.

Oh, well, I'm the most excited anyone has ever been

to see anyone ever.

Well, why am I taller than you?

[Baxter scoffs]

Oh, sweet mama, there's two of 'em.

Someone get me a stool.

[theme song playing]

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

[upbeat music playing]

Lou, meet Baxter,

or, as I nicknamed him,

Guy I'm Better Than Everything At, Including...

Giving Nicknames! Ha!

So, Baxter, how was flying into Dusty Tush?

Did you see our greatest landmark?

The eternal tire fire.

You can see and smell it from space.

Actually, I landed a few towns over

just so I could speed walk here.

Lightweight polymer speech in three, two...

See, my tracksuit is made of a lightweight polymer.

This fabric is actually illegal in a couple of states,

but I know some politicians.

You met one guy, one time,

and he was only a Kennedy through marriage.

Anyway, I'm in town to share some great news.

I'm franchising my camp.

It's so amazing!

I'm so amazing!

Well, since we're sharing things,

is there anything you...

wanna share with your brother?

Uh, actually, there is!

So, Baxter,

it turns out, I...

uh...

am also franchising! [laughs]

Welcome to my new camp!

It's gross, but it's mine.

Your camp?

Yeah, your camp?

Have I been inhaling too many fumes

from the eternal tire fire?

[upbeat music playing]

Guys, I have the greatest news.

The locals are throwing their trash

in Lake Tush again!

That's horrible news.

But it means the water level rose so much,

we can finally use the high dive.

You haven't lived until you do a can opener

and land on top of a real can opener.

I've never jumped off a high dive before, but it sounds awesome.

It is.

Come on, Jake, we can jump off at the same time

and see who gets the bigger wedgie when they hit the water.

Noah, you want to judge?

[laughs] Less than anything I can think of.

But, since letting Winnie Weber

use a high dive unsupervised is

probably criminal negligence,

I'll grab my trunks.

[amusing instrumental music playing]

Ah!

Great idea to swing by here.

We should really fuel up before we hit the courts.

Actually, let's just grab some water.

I can't eat in these.

Food stains are very hard to remove

from French Terry cloth.

Well, I better get going.

My window to avoid whatever's happening here is closing rapidly.

-So, Bill... -And it's closed.

You do things. Got any advice for staying cool

being super active outdoors?

I'm not gonna take the bait.

We're on our way to play pickleball.

Oh, what's pickleb--

Darn it!

Bill, how have you not heard about pickleball?

It is the hottest sport sweeping the nation.

All the coolest people are playing it.

Case in point.

It's like tennis,

but instead of using a tennis ball,

we use a plastic ball.

And instead of using huge rackets,

we use these cute little paddles.

Hot!

So it's like tiny tennis for babies?

[scoffs] No. It's tiny tennis for adults.

Everyone knows badminton is tiny tennis for babies.

And you're telling me this is a real sport?

Yep. And our team name is

[both] The Tush Pickles.

Guys, you gotta help me out here.

You know what, Bill?

I'm starting to feel like you're not taking

our new interest very seriously.

Yes. Dare I say, this attitude of yours

is feeling downright unsupportive.

Dare you do say, Destiny.

Dare you... do.

The people who work here do nothing.

[amusing instrumental music playing]

See, the key is the moisture wick.

It absorbs the sweat, which keeps you ahead of the dreaded chafe.

I'm saving thousands on cornstarch.

Well, that is...

evocative.

Barb, a word?

Why did you tell Baxter this is your camp?

I panicked, okay?

Baxter's franchising his camp, and I couldn't let him win.

Pretending I owned yours was really the only solution.

Mmm, was it?

Please just go along with this until he leaves.

He's only here for a day.

Okay, fine.

But you have to promise to tell him before he goes.

Oh, that seems hard.

It's much easier to keep pretending

I'm still a big winner who owns this camp,

and you're my sad, pathetic employee.

Oh, I forgot to mention you're my sad, pathetic employee.

You expect me to be your lackey?

Lou, "lackey" is so demeaning.

I prefer the term "she-servant."

Hey, Barb, where should I put my stuff?

All these kids have a desperate look in their eyes,

and I don't trust them around my valuables.

Lou, prepare our finest cabin for Mr. Barca!

Chop, chop!

I'm sorry. I will make it up to you with a spa day.

Collagen, cucumbers, go nuts.

My she-servant will put your bag somewhere for you. [chuckles]

Oh, I will be going nuts with the collagen.

[amusing instrumental music playing]

Wow, that was a lot of climbing.

This dive is gonna be a long way...

Noah,

I'm having big feelings.

Everything okay, buddy?

You look like that time Bill told you about tapeworms.

Why didn't you tell me the high dive was so...

[eagle screeching]

High?

I guess I felt it was implied?

I am not jumping off this thing.

You have nothing to worry about.

Remember, I'm a registered lifeguard.

And, besides, it'll be fun!

Fun?

Foosball is fun.

Staying up all night and gabbing is fun.

Licking envelopes is fun.

This is not fun!

Well, if you're really that scared,

we can just climb back down and do something else.

I have some fan mail I need to catch up on.

Fine, it's my phone bill.

You want me to climb down

that tall, rickety ladder backwards?

I have trouble doing things forwards!

Hurry it up, guys.

There's some old toilet seats floating by

that I wanna dive through.

Just give us a minute.

Jake, you have to make a decision.

You can't stay up here forever.

Watch me.

We might need more than a minute.

[upbeat instrumental music playing]

Hey, Bill. What are you doing?

I thought about it, and you were right.

I wasn't being supportive of your new interest.

So I educated myself with a few Internet videos

and thought a little tournament tomorrow would be fun.

"The Parker and Destiny Pickleball Invitational,

"organized by their friend,

"but not a member of the Tush Pickles, Bill Pickett."

Pretty good, right?

Um, that's so nice of you, Bill,

but, um, we actually can't play tomorrow.

We're scheduled to be, um...

uh... very, very sick.

Yes, it's, uh, been on the calendar for weeks.

[mimics cough]

Ah, there it is, right on time!

What's going on?

Why are you guys acting like you don't know how to play pickleball?

Because we don't know how to play pickleball!

Our scheduled sickness was a lie!

But you wear the fancy clothes

and have all the cool equipment.

Oh, you're just doing it for the fancy clothes and the cool equipment.

That's not true.

We're also doing it for the follows.

Pickleball culture is just so fun and carefree,

we didn't want to ruin that by actually learning to play.

You two continue to be wonderful role models.

Fine. I'll take down the flyers.

I'm sure no one has signed up for your tournament.

Hey, guys.

So many people have signed up for your tournament.

Toodles!

No! We have to learn how to play pickleball by tomorrow,

or we're gonna look like huge idiots

in front of the whole camp.

And I didn't buy this sick visor to look like an idiot.

Bill, you've studied the sport.

You can train us and be our pickleball expert.

I watched three videos while I was going to the bathroom,

and, honestly, I was focusing on other things.

[instrumental music playing]

Now that I've lost two hours of my life, let's recap.

-You won't jump off because... -It's terrifying.

-And you won't climb down because... -It's terrifying.

This recap was unhelpful.

This is your fault for not adequately setting expectations.

It's called a high dive.

What were your expectations?

Guys, I need to do an epic cannonball.

I haven't done anything dangerous in 12 minutes

and my skin is itching!

You'll have to wait.

Jake still hasn't made up his mind.

[kids booing]

Fine, but there are a ton of restless kids

waiting to dive down there.

How much longer are you two going to be?

-Not long. -Until I'm ready to get married.

You might need to bring us some sleeping bags and a heat source.

[amusing instrumental music playing]

So this is your mess hall?

It's so... brown!

Well, it's a little pathetic, but for good reason.

You see, this place isn't actually--

Up to health code? Duh-doy.

Your menu says ignore the tiny bones.

Listen up, campers.

For those of you who haven't eaten the lunch yet,

[screams] do not eat the lunch!

And for those of you who have,

buckle up and say a prayer.

Um, Barb,

why is your employee making announcements?

I would never let an underling do that at my camp.

[gasps] The audacity of that woman,

who is definitely not my peer.

How dare you, announcement stealer!

I'm guessing this means you haven't told him the truth yet?

Nope. Sorry. You're an angel.

Now get, minion!

Greetings, my very real campers.

We have so many incredible activities lined up today.

Starting with...

friendship bracelets!

Friendship bracelets?

What's next? A watching paint dry workshop?

No.

That's not until Thursday.

But later we'll be doing some water skiing.

Actually that says "water skeezy."

Our lake is gnarly.

Regular water skiing?

How pedestrian.

When we ski at my camp,

we do it through a ring of fire.

Well, we're doing the same thing, but blindfolded.

Oh, and the skis are going to be sharks,

which will also be on fire.

It doesn't say that. Let me see the clipboard!

-No, no. My camp, my clipboard! -Barb--

If one of you just ran for one second,

this could all be over.

[upbeat instrumental music playing]

So this is what a pickleball court looks like. I had no idea.

You literally have a picture of one on your shirt.

Ohh! That's what that is.

Okay, let's practice for the invitational tomorrow.

Bill, you're still gonna coach us, right?

Fine. But if we're doing this,

then we're doing it the Pickett way.

Casually and with a blase attitude?

Meticulously and with an intense work ethic

that makes people ask "Is everything okay at home?"

It says here, when you serve the ball,

you can't let it bounce in the kitchen.

Of course it can't bounce in the kitchen.

We're outside.

This guy...

The kitchen is the non-volley area

in front of either side of the net

And let me guess, over there is the foyer

and over there is the powder room. [laughs]

I'm sorry. We're really lucky to have you, coach.

Let's just do some drills.

[sighs] Destiny, those sneakers are ridiculous!

Do you want to look good, or do you want to play well?

Uh, I want to look good.

My fault for asking.

Okay, Parker,

remember to keep it flat face and get ready for the dill ball

'cause I'm gonna come with the put away.

Don't be in no man's land, but don't be too close

or you might get a nasty Nelson.

And, of course, no volley lob on the side.

Pickle!

Bill, is everything okay at home?

[instrumental music playing]

Nights like this make you ask yourself the hard questions.

Like... why did I drink that gallon of OJ?

There's no hope for me.

Just leave and save yourself.

I never leave a man behind.

We live by the board, we die by the board.

If we ever get down...

what are you gonna do first?

Probably check my texts.

You?

I would clutch my puka shells so tight

and never let them go again.

You're wearing them right now.

Oh!

Nice. Then I'd probably eat a burger.

You know, facing tough decisions is a part of growing up.

No matter how hard, we still have to make them

because not making a decision

is making a decision.

You're right, Noah.

And thank you for being so supportive.

You're gonna make a great dad one day.

Oh, Jake,

if there's one thing I've learned from this lesson,

it's that I'm definitely not having kids.

[instrumental music playing]

Morning, Barcas!

I thought you guys might enjoy

a nice relaxing activity that could lead

to an open-ended conversation with emotional growth.

Just spitballing, of course.

Pottery making?

[sighs] I hope you have a doctor on standby for when I get dizzy

from all the excitement.

Ha-ha. For your information,

medical professionals have boycotted this ranch on principle.

[pottery wheels whirring]

So, uh, brother of mine, what are you gonna sculpt?

I know. I can make a pot

for all your participation ribbons.

You know I shred those.

♪ Rise above it! ♪

Baxter, I need to talk to you about something.

I need to talk to you about something too.

You're very bad at pottery. [laughs]

Barca burn!

But I bet I can sculpt faster than you

and Mom likes me more. Better Barca burn.

It's just because you're both Scorpios.

And I can definitely sculpt faster than you.

Uh, guys,

pottery isn't supposed to be a speed event.

If the wheel turn shoots back, the clay--

That!

-[laughing] -[clicks off pottery wheel]

[sighs] Thanks for the laugh, guys.

I'm gonna go pack up and get ready for my flight.

I have a lot of lightweight undergarments to fold.

Why didn't you tell Baxter the truth?

I tried.

But everything always ends up

turning into a competition with us.

There just wasn't a good time.

Barb, you might have to accept

there may never be a good time.

You know what?

You're right.

So I won't tell him!

How's that now?

Baxter is leaving for the airport,

so now I never have to be honest with him.

-Great thinking, Lou. -[taps arm]

I knew there was a reason I hired you.

I'm not gonna lie, a little workplace validation feels good.

[upbeat instrumental music playing]

Oh, wow, a lot of people showed up,

Which is weird, 'cause I heard there was gonna be shark skiing today.

You guys have trained hard.

Don't worry, you're ready.

Are you sure?

I'd stake my entire three-hour coaching career on it.

Bill is right. Let's show everyone that we don't

just look like amazing pickleballers,

-we are amazing pickleballers! -Yeah!

Parker, aren't you right-handed?

Ha! Wow, that feels a whole lot better. [chuckles]

Why are we here, Lou?

If we're late to the airport, Baxter will miss his flight.

It's all good.

I'm Economy Plus. They'll wait.

I just thought you guys might want to compete in the pickleball tournament.

Uh, I'm gonna have to pass. I think...

That bad boy would look great on my mantel.

If you want that trophy, Baxter,

you'll have to go through me

Ha! Just like speed walking in my moisture-wicking underwear,

this is gonna be a breeze.

As fun as this undergarment-forward trash talk is,

this is a doubles tournament,

and I put you both on the same team.

[both] The same team?

Yes. You guys can stop competing against each other and work together.

Oh, we never worked together.

Ah, this is gonna be more uncomfortable than...

Oh, please don't let this be another underwear analogy.

Then I'll admit, I'm not sure how to make my point.

[upbeat music playing]

What a fun night!

I think the highlight was being attacked by that owl.

Hey, guys,

I know that Jake is having a hard time deciding how to get down,

so I've come to make the decision for him.

The Winnie way!

-No, Winnie! -Make any other decision.

This is for your own good.

He needs to make this choice on his own. You can't rush him.

Rush him? I've delivered six meals to this diving board!

If he doesn't learn anything from this,

I punched a owl for nothing.

Stop!

I've made my decision.

I'll jump.

Really?

What finally made you change your mind?

Jumping can't be worse than watching

two of my closest friends fight because of me.

[sighs]

If I don't make it back,

it was an honor being in the trenches with you.

Fair enough. I have gone above and beyond for you.

-One, two... -[creaking]

That can't be good.

[both scream]

[water splashes]

[Jake] That was so fun! I'm over my fear!

I'm gonna make a great mom one day.

[upbeat instrumental music playing]

Welcome, everyone, to the Parker and Destiny Pickleball Invitational!

Starting the tournament will be the Tush Pickles.

And they'll be playing Barb and Baxter,

whose team name is... hopefully better than that.

You can just call us the Winners.

Hey, we haven't been on the same team since middle school

when we made the Simpson twins cry.

[both sigh] Good times.

I may have made a terrible mistake.

Okay, let's get this very strange show on the road!

[instrumental country music playing]

-[squeals] -[both] Mine!

[both grunt] I said it was mine!

I said it louder!

I did it! I scored a pickle!

-Move, slacker! -Oh!

[grunts]

My heel! Why am I even playing this game?

Oh, right. To win.

-[grunts] -[both] I got it!

[both grunt]

Get it together!

The non-athletes in weird clothes are beating us.

Um, this net isn't soundproof.

Okay. Parker is now serving for the match.

If they score, they win.

We're only going to win if you get out of my way.

Your way? I'm the only one who's even focused on the game.

Wait, what just happened?

Parker, did we just win?

Maybe? I was taking selfies while Bill was explaining the rules.

The Tush Pickles win!

[all cheering]

You just made me lose! I never lose.

You're right, Baxter. You're a winner.

You always win.

It's your sister who's the loser.

What was that all about?

Barb's been trying to tell you something all day,

but you've been too busy competing with her to notice.

But going at each other through cutthroat competition is our love language.

Right.

Maybe try language-language.

Weird, but I'll give it a shot.

Call the airport, she-servant.

Tell the pilot I won't be able to make Boarding Group F.

Congrats on your big win, you two.

You're real pickleballers now.

At what cost, Bill?

I'm done playing pickleball.

I haven't been this disheveled since I won Little Miss Tornado Chaser.

Saved that town, though.

Me, too. My shirt's covered in body water.

-Sweat. -Whatever! It's gross.

Hey, have you seen those cute shorts that volleyball players wear?

Um, yeah. Love that for us. [chuckles]

Question, how does one volley a ball?

Follow-up question, who cares?

Let's go shopping.

Yeah.

Well, time to go watch some volleyball videos.

[instrumental country music playing]

Barb, you okay?

You ran here. Barcas don't believe in running.

Two feet off the ground is basically flying,

and flying is basically witchcraft.

I'm not okay.

I need to tell you something.

Kikiwaka isn't my camp.

Really?

Whew! I am so happy this garbage barge of a camp isn't yours.

This place looks like tetanus and shame had a baby.

But why would you pretend this disaster belonged to you?

Because the truth is worse.

I actually got fired from Camp Champion.

[sighs] Don't look at me. I'm hideous.

Barb.

I'm so sorry.

Why didn't you tell me earlier?

Well, we're always so competitive with each other.

I was afraid you'd think I was...

a loser.

I could never think that.

I know I'm too competitive with you, and I shouldn't be.

The truth is, I look up to you.

You do?

Of course I do.

You'll always be a champion to me.

Aw! Thanks, Baxter.

I know Barcas don't usually hug,

but you think we can make an exception?

Okay, fine. But now you're not getting one on your wedding day.

Hey, Lou.

Why are you crying?

Because I helped a friend get over their fears

and find their way to a heartfelt resolution. [sniffles]

Why do you have a saw?

[chuckles] Weirdly enough, same reason.

I'm just not a crybaby about it.

And there goes the workplace validation.

[theme music playing]

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