Original subtitles

Good morning, Lou, any, uh,

interesting stories in the paper today?

Well, here's one.

Two penguins have escaped from the zoo and are on the loose.

If you see them, don't beak out.

Just wing it and introduce yourself with an icebreaker.

[laughs]

Man journalism really is dead.

Any articles about me? Your esteemed Mayor Preston?

No biggie,

but it's probably on the front page,

and it's probably a biggie.

You know, the cover story is all about

the founding of a new town called Tushy.

But I blame myself for expecting better

I made an official mayoral appearance at a grand opening,

and the editor promised to write a story about it.

Oh. Is it this teeny tiny article on the very back page?

Mayor Preston wears regular tie

to event too good for bolos. What?

This paper has always had it out for me.

Where the chap's not enough.

Will it ever be enough?

Calm down. You're reading too much into it.

Now, help me solve this crossword puzzle.

Six letter word for failed Mayor starts with P...

Oh come on!

Destiny, I've been looking all over for you. In the barn,

on the dock, under the mess hall couch,

Why didn't you just check my cabin?

It's always the last place you look.

Anyway, can I shadow you this afternoon?

I was thinking maybe I could become a counselor someday.

Aw, Jake, of course you can shadow me.

I'm guessing you asked Noah first,

and he scared you away with some impromptu trombone playing.

No hate to Noah. I'm just more of a flugelhorn guy.

Well, I've got a ton of counselor tasks today, so let's get started.

Three letter word for awful camp owner.

Starts with L-o...

That's it. I'm moving to Tushy Butt.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

[ ♪ playing off-key]

So?

Yeah, I'm team flugelhorn.

Are you okay, Bill?

Not really.

My parents called to tell me a museum in New York City

is doing an exhibit on the American West.

They're dedicating an installation

to my great great grandfather.

The original Bill Pickens? Cool.

Yeah. Why is that bad?

Because my family is moving to New York

for a whole year to oversee the installation.

And I just don't get big cities, I mean,

we're moving into a loft, but it won't have hay.

How does that make any sense?

Well, if you want, Winnie and I can teach you all about city life.

Totally. I'm from Portland.

It's not as big as New York, but luckily,

we still got all the bad smells.

And I'm from Studio City.

It's basically the New York of Los Angeles.

-No, it isn't. -It isn't.

Thanks, guys. I could definitely use your help.

All I know about this city is coffee,

and "forget about it" and "I'm walking here!"

Bill,

who is your dialect coach?

That was amazing.

Lou, what's going on?

Why was this "Do Not Enter" sign on the mess hall door?

It says right there to flip it over for more information.

"Danger. Fatal gas leak ahead." What?

Why would you put that on the back?

Good note.

I'll tell my sign guy. Ray always goes rogue with the formatting.

Why are those guys carrying a toilet upstairs?

And why is it coming from the kitchen?

Okay, fine. There is no gas leak.

I'm having a bathroom installed

down the hall from my bedroom.

A private secret bathroom

where the toilet seat

isn't an invitation for target practice.

Since when do you have money

to build a whole new bathroom?

On Seafood Sunday, you served us

bottles of "I wish it were fish."

Bottles, Lou!

For your information,

my meemaw still sends me a little playing around cash.

And before you ask, yes, she's under the impression

that I invest it.

And you didn't think to spend it on the camp?

My secret bathroom is for the camp.

In order for Kikiwaka to be successful,

I, the camp owner, need to be happy.

Happy Lou, happy you

It is kind of catchy,

My bathroom is almost done,

so please, don't tell anyone about it.

Okay. I won't. But I want in.

The moon-shaped hole in the outhouse door

does not keep people from looking in.

Okay, fine. You can use it.

But I have a few ground rules.

The toilet seat stays down, and the candles,

they stay lit.

And how do you hang the toilet paper roll?

Over or under?

Over. I'm not an animal.

Then we have ourselves a deal.

Can we get a bidet?

Don't push your luck.

Wow, Bill. You look great.

How does it feel to be dressed like Angelino?

Wasteful.

These jeans legs are so wide,

they could have made three pairs of pants.

I'd be set for life.

To get you ready for New York,

I'm going to teach you city-speak.

So you know the real meaning behind what people say.

Cowboys are kind of straight shooters.

Can I just say what I mean,

assume others would do the same?

[laughs]

Oh, Bill. You're adorable.

Winnie's gonna help us with some role-playing.

Uh... The name's Poppy.

I'm from L.A.

Ooh! She's in character.

Okay. What does it mean

if you and Poppy are in line for $50 smoothies,

and she says...

Hey, Bill, we should do brunch sometime.

Bet she wants us to eat a nonsensical breakfast-lunch hybrid.

Wrong. It means she never wants to see you again.

Really?

Sorry, not sorry.

In my experience, people also never want to see you again.

if they say,

"We should do this again sometime."

"Traffic is crazy."

Or "Let's circle back after the holidays."

Sounds like city people are kind of flaky.

Oh yeah, I've been trying to get brunch with my grandma for years.

But she only let me talk to her reps.

Ready to keep going with our lesson?

Um...

Let's circle back after the holidays.

Oh!

Savage!

Once the glue dries, your bedazzled hat is finished.

Now go forth my rhinestone cowboys

and make the ranch fabulous.

Great class, Destiny.

You need some help cleaning up?

Sure. Thanks.

We're having Alfredo for dinner,

so I'd better get all this glue back to the kitchen.

You did not hear that.

Time to get pumped.

♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪

♪ Round and round Round and round ♪

-♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ -[crashing]

♪ All through the town ♪

[honking]

Whoa!

♪ The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish ♪

♪ Swish swish swish ♪

♪ Swish swish swish ♪

Agh!

Jake!

Destiny.

The horn was about to go beep, beep, beep.

It's the best part!

Thanks to you, that was almost death by rhinestones.

Which would have been an iconic way to go.

But the point stands!

I didn't make this mess.

Did I?

I guess when I swish swish swish, I do go kinda hard.

Never mind. It's fine.

I've got other counselor tours to get started on.

You stay here and keep cleaning up, okay?

All right, horn.

Let's drop that beep beep beep!

[honking]

What in the beep beep beep?

Oh no!

How did you guys find out about the secret bathroom?

Lou is gonna be so...

Oh, Lou is.

Because apparently, someone sent a text saying,

"Yo yo yo! Peep these sick decorative soaps

"that I ordered for the secret upstairs bathroom

"that the campers will never find out about.

"LOL laughing emoji. Side-eye emoji, high-five emoji!"

Okay. But I only said that to...

The entire camp-wide text chain.

I can fix this.

[text notifications chiming]

Yeah. [chuckles]

I don't think a "JK" is gonna cut it.

And seashell soaps.

It's a bathroom, not a Daytona Beach gift shop.

Hey, I will apologize for not keeping

the bathroom a secret, but I will never apologize

for hands that smell like the ocean breeze.

I'm sure the line will clear out quickly.

Really?

Because I think the kid carrying War and Peace

would beg to differ.

I like to take my time.

That's it. I'm putting a padlock on the door.

Oh good idea. That way,

only the two of us will have copies of the key.

The two of us. [laughs]

I am revoking your secret bathroom access.

You can take your tacky soaps

to the outhouse,

But they won't make sense.

There's no beast motif in there.

No offense, Winnie, but I feel kind of silly in these Portland clothes.

What even is the point of this tiny scarf?

Yeah, Winnie.

This tiny scarf you made me wear is so ridiculous,

and definitely not my new favorite accessory.

Bill. Your next lesson is all about riding the subway,

which is the best way to get around a city.

These are your fellow commuters,

And they

are agents of chaos.

In Portland, the train is called the Max.

In L.A., it's the Metro, and in Chicago, it's the L.

What's the subway called in New York?

The subway, Try to keep up.

You're gonna start here and make your way across the great lawn

to the Mustang cabin,

dodging the crowd to catch your train before it leaves.

Seems easy enough.

Yeah, super easy.

-[train horn toots] -This is Portland's rush hour.

It's life or death. Go, go, go!

Hello, there, fellow citizen of Mother Earth.

Can I interest you in some homemade granola?

It's good for the soul.

The secret ingredient is, you guessed it,

a useless liberal arts degree!

-Uh... -Never make eye contact.

It will cost you a seat on the subway.

And $39.

No, thanks.

Hey, man. Do you like overthrowing our corrupt capitalist society?

Then you'll love this song I wrote

called Bye Bye, Trust Fund Baby.

Available exclusively on vinyl.

Sorry, I have a train to catch.

Don't respond. The train's about to leave

and you're stopping for indie rock.

Get your priorities in order!

You're almost there. You just gotta make it past these bot bags.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, Karate Man.

Drop the cowboy courtesy, Bill,

and start throwing some elbows!

[imitates buzzer]

You missed the train.

Now you're gonna be late for the Juicing Festival.

Apparently someone doesn't care about his antioxidants.

We need to step this up a notch, or he'll never be ready.

I mean, he didn't even notice how I stole his wallet.

Bill, you've got to try.

Where'd he go?

I'd say we should call him, but I also took his phone

I can't believe Lou's making me fix the sink.

I mean, I am the one who clogged it with my luxurious mane.

But still!

Destiny.

I know who made the rhinestone mess.

It was a penguin. I've been framed.

You know, I love your colorful imagination,

but I have to replace the faucet.

And all Lou gave me is this box

filled with rusty tools

and a note that says, I owe you pliers.

I really saw a penguin.

Look, I'm totally over the rhinestone thing,

So, you don't have to worry about it anymore. Okay?

Okay.

Great. Now let's fix this faucet.

Which one of these is the...

I don't know, water hammer.

Actually,

I help my mom with projects around the house all the time,

so I can install the faucet for you.

Awesome. It's great for a future counselor

to have lots of different skills.

I can also drink milk through my nose.

I know, Jake.

I'm the one who washes the straws.

While you do this, I'm gonna go fold some clean towels.

Winning Little Miss Laundromat is finally paying off.

I'm gonna need a sick beat to help me install the faucet.

♪ Old MacDonald had a farm♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ And on that farm he had a... ♪

Penguin.

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ With a quack, quack here and a quack quack there♪

♪ Here quack, there quack everywhere quack, quack ♪

Dude, what a banger!

Can you hand me that gasket, Mr. Penguin?

[honks]

Penguin?

How's it going, Jake?

Destiny. Look, You won't believe it.

I do believe it. You fixed this thing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[exclaims]

My luxurious mane!

That's not my fault.

There was a penguin here, and he stole the gasket,

so I couldn't finish the sink.

Again, Jake, there is no penguin on the ranch.

The only flightless bird of this camp

is that lazy hawk you keep feeding.

Tony's not lazy.

He's just going through a tough time.

Dear editor of The Dusty Tush Times.

I am a random citizen who believes you're being

too hard on our beloved Mayor Preston.

He is a capable politician,

with movie star good looks...

Ah!

This is ridiculous.

I should really just send it all in an email.

Parker!

How dare you keep me from my private secret bathroom?

And how dare you make me run down these stairs in heels?

Uh, that's a wedge.

And I don't know what you're talking about.

I know you took the keys to the padlock

that I put on the bathroom door.

Give it back, or I'll make you eat

your beloved seashell soaps.

I didn't take your key,

but if you made a copy like I asked,

you wouldn't be locked out right now.

That's a great point, but I still feel like yelling.

Oh! Don't hurt me. I'll eat the soap!

No, this is to break the padlock.

I have some business to take care of.

But when I'm done,

you and I

have some business to take care of.

I know we're not in the greatest place right now,

but that was a really good double entendre.

Jake, you wanted to see me?

Was it about turning your cabin into an ice rink?

Since you don't believe I really saw a penguin,

I'm gonna lure him in here

and trap him in the net I made.

Hope he likes liquid fish.

Jake, I know you're nervous

about being a counselor someday,

but all counselors make mistakes.

That doesn't mean you have to lie.

Now, let's clean this up.

-Wait. -What?

[both] Uh-oh!

[sniffing]

Is this net made out of dirty socks?

Yep. Reduce, reuse, recycle.

Okay, enough is enough.

For the last time,

there is no penguin on the ranch!

[honks]

Okay, so there is, in fact, a penguin on the ranch.

And he's stealing my semi formal pooks.

Hey, Bill.

What did you do with your city clothes?

I threw them away.

You could have just given them back.

I still have the receipts, man.

I don't need the clothes or the lessons anymore.

I'm not moving to New York with my family.

So what are you going to do?

I'm heading into town to find a trail boss

who needs help driving cattle.

Driving cattle?

How are you gonna fit a cow in a car

or find a seatbelt that can stretch over their udders?

I feel like you've given this zero thought!

Come on, Bill. You can't just blow off school

and your family to ride the trails all year.

What am I supposed to do, Noah?

If there's one thing I learned from you and Winnie today,

it's that a cowboy like me will never belong in the city.

Poor guy.

I know.

I feel really bad for taking his wallet again.

Where is that penguin?

I have an idea.

To find the penguin,

we must become the penguin!

[honking]

Is it working?

By the way, it's me, Jake.

Come sit down, darling boy.

Listen, Jake. I'm sorry I didn't believe you about the penguin.

I should've known you wouldn't lie.

Thanks, Destiny.

And thank you for letting me shadow you.

I've learned a lot today.

[penguin honking]

Did you hear that?

Eww! Destiny!

Whoever asked for the gasket?

There are two penguins?

Where is my vision blurred from that cloud you dropped?

There was no cloud.

Oh my gosh, look.

The penguins are going to be parents.

That's why they stole all this stuff.

They built a rookery for their eggs.

Ma'am, sir,

you're welcome to keep my puka shell necklace.

Consider it a gift for the baby shower.

And as for my passport,

yeah, I'm gonna need that back,

Lou.

Are you in here?

Lou!

Where is it?

Looking for this,

Parker?

You took the bathroom door off the hinges?

You're diabolical! What are you gonna do?

Carry it around for the rest of your life?

Honestly, I didn't think this through all the way,

but, yeah!

I'm taking that door.

Oh, good luck.

I chugged three bottles of "I wish it were fish" today,

and I am juiced!

What are they doing?

I don't know, but I want in.

My door, my door, my door!

Okay! Break it up!

Break it up!

Give me this!

This is all Lou's fault.

She falsely accused me of stealing her keys.

I know you took the keys to the padlock.

Quit denying it.

Wait.

Does it have a keychain that says "Lou's loo"?

How did you know that?

Are you in on this with him?

How deep does all of this go?

We found this in the barn.

Penguin burglars.

Oh.

Really? No follow-up questions.

You don't wanna ask how I got the penguins back to the zoo?

This is just where we are now.

Fine!

Well, I guess I'll go put that bathroom door back on for you.

Actually, I've been holding it this whole time.

I'm way past doors now.

There you are, Bill, What happened to driving cattle?

It turns out none of the trail bosses

want to hire a middle schooler

who swears his parents would be cool with it.

Look, Bill,

Winnie and I weren't as helpful as we meant to be today.

Our city experiences have been different from each other's.

And yours would be different, too.

Cities are full of all kinds of people,

and you'll find a way to be yourself there.

Thanks, but I doubt there are a lot of cowboys in many big cities.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

She said with a twinkle in her eye

and mischief in her smile.

After you ran off, I did a little research

and called in some reinforcements.

Bill, I'd like you to meet the Compton Cowboys.

Howdy, Bill.

I'm Carlton, and this is my brother, Randy.

Hold on. I'm Randy.

And this is my brother Carlton.

Never let me do the intro.

Pleasure to meet you, fellas.

I was gonna get them on the phone, but luckily,

they happened to be nearby for a rodeo.

Yeah. It was a part of the founding

of some new town called "Tushy Butt."

Can you believe they would give a place such a dumb name?

By the way, where are we at now?

Let's just say Wyoming City.

You're cowboys and you live in L.A.?

Yes, sir.

Streets raised us. Horses saved us.

That's the Compton Cowboy's motto.

Hmm, neat!

You know, my motto is,

no matter how loudly they boo,

just keep playing that trombone, Noah.

Anyways.

Our crew has a stable right in L.A.

We help kids just like you find their place.

We can even give you some tips on living the city life.

Wow, I'd love that.

But just to be clear, you're saying I won't have to

speak in riddles or eat brunch?

Nah.

We say what we mean, and we mean what we say.

Although it's nothing like a good eggs benedict on a Sunday.

Hear hear!

Can I get a yee-haw?

I said,

can I get a yee-haw?

You know what, um...

Why don't I step aside and let the cowboys talk?

Yeah, I think that would be best.

Trust me, Noah, I've had riding lessons before.

The best way to mount a horse is with a running start.

That just doesn't sound right.

Hey, nicky. This is randy and carlton.

Hey, I've heard of you guys.

You're famous cowboys, right?

Does this answer your question?

[ ♪ banjo music playing]

[cheering]

Yeah, that works.

You know, I can't believe you're the great great grandson of Bill Pickett.

We actually compete in the Bill Pickett invitation to rodeo every year.

Awesome. Can my family come out to Compton

to visit you guys some time?

Of course you can.

I even know some folks who ride at a stable out in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.

I can connect y'all when you move.

Maybe you can even start your own Compton Cowboy someday.

We can call ourselves the Brooklyn Buckaroos.

You don't have to decide on the name right now.

The Prospect Park Pony Boys.

Seriously, bro, take the summer to think about it.

But hey, we should go ride the horses on the trail.

Let's do it.

Well, I give up. This horse is broken.

Tell that to Bill.

Catch you guys later.

[ ♪ theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0