Original subtitles

Morning, campers.

Today is picture day,

so some of you may want to tidy up your look a bit.

I'm talking to you, hog cabin.

I'm gonna be leaving Parker in charge of

rounding everybody up for their photos.

That's right. And under Parker Preston,

your pictures will be perfection.

There'll be nary a misplaced hair,

or unsightly bat in the cave.

Can I get an amen and a "what what"?

You were doing fine.

Also, we're going to be hosting

the National Cowboy Yodeling Competition.

It's a big event where contestants from around the country

come to be judged on who has the best cowboy yodel.

Then, why are we hosting it here?

I really wanted to host a monster truck rally,

but I accidentally clicked the wrong button.

Mama needs a phone with a bigger screen.

Wow. I didn't know Cowboys yodeled.

I thought that was just something people did

from the top of a mountain when they needed a cough drop.

Actually, back in the day,

cowboys yodeled to call the cattle home on the range,

but it's kind of a dying art form,

since now, every cow has a cell phone.

How do you know so much about yodeling anyway?

I actually used to compete in the yodeling circuit myself.

I'm not gonna lie, I was a pretty big deal

in the world of warbling.

Wow. So, are you gonna enter the competition?

Me? No, no, I can't, because I lost my voice.

But you're talking to me right now.

Am I?

(COUGHS)

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Great photo, Jamie. Great photo.

Now let's just try one

without your finger up your nose.

Just so we have options.

Hey, Parker. What's up?

I think the better question is,

what's on?

This old thing?

What can I say? I'm becoming a man.

Jake, you look like a Swedish deejay

that just played Ibiza.

Okay, okay, okay.

The truth is, I'm using it to cover up a zit on my face.

It's so big, it's gonna ruin my picture.

Come on!

It can't be that bad.

Oh!

Okay. Okay.

It's just a zit.

It'll go away with time.

I'm sure in the next few days, it'll...

you know, collapsed under the weight of its own gravity.

But picture day is today, and pictures are forever.

Do you know how long forever is?

It's like over 100 years.

It's not technically wrong.

I'll allow it.

Growing up is the worst.

I miss when I was smooth-faced

and could still ask for uppies.

Jake!

Jamie, finger in the ear, not better.

Hey, Noah. What's going on?

I'm really craving some vegetarian food.

Today's menu at camp just says,

"Meat stuff. Deal with it."

Do the water glasses around here fill themselves,

or is that something you eventually do?

Sorry, ma'am. I'll get your refill.

Is there anything else you need?

How about some new soup? This is cold.

It's like drinking a big bowl of hot soup that's cold.

Well, it's gazpacho.

It's supposed to be cold. Probably Europe.

Get out of your bubble.

I don't appreciate your attitude.

How's this for attitude?

You're banned.

I'm gonna give you the worst review on Tush Advisor.

This will be the first time

I rate below one and a half cheeks.

Can you believe that?

I know. Even the used coffin store has a two-cheek rating.

That woman was so rude.

Just like the dozens of other customers

I've had to kick out of here.

Destiny. You can't just banish

every person that gives you a hard time.

You have more diners on your banned board

than you do in your restaurant.

I hear what you're saying.

I need to get a bigger banned board.

You know, you need to learn how to tolerate difficult customers.

And the good news is, I can help you.

With that thing? With that thing.

Hey. Why were you being so weird about the yodeling competition?

Yodeling is already weird.

It's a hat on a hat.

Look, I'm not entering the competition, and that's final.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Bill Pickett,

disgraced former yodeling champion,

my old nemesis and all-around loser.

Who are you?

And do you always enter with so much helpful backstory?

Yes. And here's some more.

I'm Dale, the current champion and bad boy of yodeling.

Yo...

dee-lay-hee-hoo.

Dale? What are you doing here?

I'm here to win the contest.

It's a shame you quit competing.

Was it because you heard I could hit a high C?

Mariah called.

She wants her whistle tones back.

You leave the Queen of Christmas out of this!

Wait. You quit?

That's right. I hung up my epiglottis a long time ago.

That was a metaphor. My throat's still intact.

Fine, then my backing musician and I

will just have to win another trophy

to rub in the face of Bill the Trill.

Bill the Trill?

Trilling is a quavering type sound

that comes from your throat when you yodel.

Also, Bill the Thrill was taken.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to go warm up my warbler

to impress the ladies.

And by ladies,

I mean cows.

See you around, you udder failure.

That's udder, spelled U-D-D...

We get ranch jokes, Dale.

It's kind of our thing.

What a meanie.

Bill, you have to enter the competition

to teach that kid a lesson.

I can back you up on guitar.

No. Or as they say in the yodeling community,

No-dell-a-hee-hoo.

Fine. Then I'm gonna enter myself.

Wait, you?

Yeah.

I can make weird noises with my throat, too.

It's the reason I'm not allowed in my town's library.

That's the reason?

Fine, and I also had tuna in a dictionary.

Jake,

I think I can help you with your pimple.

Lou has both the talent and the makeup

to hide your zit before it's picture time.

Yep, I've put lipstick on a lot of pigs, literally.

Because when you look good, you feel good.

And when you feel good, you taste good.

Anyway, let's see what we're working with here.

Holy inflammation!

I'm a woman with a makeup sponge, not Harry Houdini.

Luke, quit referencing your weird adult friends and help me!

Okay.

That's a little...

three-dimensional for makeup.

I'm not gonna be able to hide it, but...

I may be able to distract from it.

See, Jake? I knew Lou would have the answer.

This was not the answer.

Sure it is. The Mohawk will make people forget all about his pimple.

Are you sure?

It's kind of like an arrow pointing right to it.

Plus, I look like my cockatoo when he's excited.

Did you use bacon grease?

What do you think happens to pigs

once they're not cute enough to win contests anymore, hmm?

Now, I'm going to play a rude customer, and you try to handle me.

Excuse me while I inhabit my character.

Bara-ga bara-ga! Bara-gi bara-gi! Bara-gu bara-gu!

There's no stopping this, is there?

(EXCLAIMS)

Yeah, that feels right.

Hello, sir. Can I get you anything else?

Everything looks so good.

I haven't been this torn since I had to choose between

saving the president's life, or redirecting that asteroid.

That's it. I'll have the quinoa salad.

Excellent choice, Mr. Spy, and/or heroic undertaker.

But instead of quinoa, can I get tortilla chips

and instead of chickpeas, some ground beef,

and instead of parsley, melted cheese.

So you want a plate of meat nachos

from a vegetarian restaurant?

You're asking a lot of questions. Who do you work for?

And can I also get a side of jalapenos?

You're banned!

Hi, ma'am. Have you had a chance to decide?

Apologies there.

I've been a little distracted.

The print on these menus is so small, yet

the water stains on my fork are so big.

Sorry. I'll replace that right away.

Maybe when you return, you can give me some new tea.

This cup is weaker than my first husband's backgammon game.

You haven't put the teabag in it.

That's just hot water.

I'm sorry.

Did someone just snip at me?

Oh, yes, it's a little girl who can't run a restaurant.

You're banned!

Welcome to the Dusty Diner. Can I--

Hang tight, food girl.

Just need un momento to close a deal

worth more than you'll ever make in a lifetime.

(LAUGHS)

Go for Chad.

You're banned, Chad.

Yeah, that's fair.

(YODELING)

(YODELING)

Winnie... Why?

Isn't it obvious?

I'm the new bad girl of yodeling.

No. You're just a girl who's bad at yodeling.

What's up, losers?

I'm back to remind you all

of how I'm going to win at yodeling,

because Bill quit.

Again, who is this exposition for?

As it turns out, I'm entering the yodeling contest

and I'm gonna mop the floor with you.

(YODELING)

Oh, boy!

This is gonna be the easiest contest I've ever won.

Bill the Trill, you sure you don't want to change your mind?

Put your... (YODELING)

where your mouth is?

I already told you, Dale.

My days of melodically switching

from a low register to a falsetto are behind me.

Have it your way.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go sign

some autographs for my fans.

And by fans, again, I mean cows.

Man, I really don't like that guy for many reasons.

But, honestly, who pairs a leather jacket with a bow tie?

If only there was an experienced yodeler

here at camp that could take him down a peg.

I know what you're trying to do, Winnie.

Fart quietly?

Okay. Maybe not.

Great news, Jake.

Inside this box is the solution to all your problems.

A sense of self-confidence that's not tied to my physical appearance?

Better. Snails.

Fine. At this point, I'll try anything.

Except washing my face.

I don't have time for that.

You've got to be kidding me.

I'm afraid to ask this, but can I take your order?

Okay. You're hungry.

For what?

Chopping. You want something chopped?

Chopped salad, chop suey?

Please, do anything else!

Noah, I give up. Just tell me what you want.

The veggie chili! Duh-doy!

This is ridiculous.

I will never serve a mime at this diner.

Wait. Come back! I didn't even see you guys there.

You people are always so quiet!

Don't worry. I'll get them back.

Oh! These guys are heavy.

Just drop it, Noah. I'm hopeless.

But I workshopped 12 more characters.

Don't you want to see toddler learning to use fork?

(IMITATES BABY CRYING)

(BABBLES)

Winnie, you wanted to see me?

Ja!

Winnie, what are you wearing?

If I'm gonna enter a yodeling competition,

I have to blend in with the other yodelers.

Ja. (YODELS) Ja.

Winnie, this is a cowboy yodeling contest.

We dress like we're from the wild west,

not the box your hot chocolate comes in.

You're right. I'm gonna embarrass myself

and the ancient sport of yodeling.

I guess you're just gonna have to mop the floor with Dale

while I play hot backup guitar.

(SIGHS) Sigh.

Winnie, we both know you never planned to enter the contest.

You've just been bad yodeling all day to make me enter.

Because you're a champion

with the chance to defeat your jerky arch rival.

Why wouldn't you do it? Because I don't have any confidence anymore, okay?

What are you talking about?

I used to win every yodeling contest I entered.

One night during a bad storm, the cows on my farm got lost.

I yodeled to bring them home, but they never came.

They were out all night.

Really?

By the time we found them, they were nearly frozen.

We had to put them near the grills to warm them up.

The cows were scared.

The air smelled like tri-tip.

It was a very traumatic night.

Bill, that's not your fault.

Of course it is.

When it came down to using my yodeling as a real cowboy,

I couldn't get the job done.

After that night, I swore, I'd never yodel again.

Face it. I'm all hat. No cattle.

Noah can always solve a problem with a costume.

Why can't I?

Hey, Destiny, I'm sorry about today.

It's okay. I appreciate you trying to help,

but I don't think I'm cut out to deal with rude customers.

I just want to sit here and enjoy my ice cream.

Yeah, that feels right.

Oh, heaven help those sweet idiots. Here it comes.

Guys, you know the rules.

Food inside, dodgeball outside.

Count me in for next game?

Wow.

You were really patient with those campers.

Of course, they're kids.

You're always patient with kids,

especially Winnie and Scout.

Yeah. So what?

Destiny, you need to treat your diners

the way you treat your campers.

If someone gets on your nerves,

just imagine Winnie or Scout's sweet faces.

I can totally do that,

and then we can stop doing those ridiculous scenarios.

I think you mean highly realistic

and enlightening scenarios.

One of your characters was Martian

who's never seen a bull before.

You need to be prepared for anything.

Hey, Shaquille O'Veal.

Howdy, Bill.

(SCREAMS)

Why are you talking to me?

Because we're friends. Also, you're dreaming.

Okay. That makes more sense.

I bet I'm having this dream because I've been thinking

about why I gave up yodeling.

Either that, or it was the bad Tush tots I ate.

Can't it be both?

Bill, you need to let your mistakes go.

I can't.

Failing as a yodeler makes me feel like I'm not a real cowboy.

Did you stop looking for the cows that night

when they didn't come home?

No.

Exactly.

Because real cowboys don't give up

when they're confronted with a challenge.

You didn't then, and you shouldn't now.

Seriously, mooove on!

You're saying I should enter the yodeling competition?

All I'm saying

is that someone needs to teach that Dale kid a lesson.

He really ruffles my udders.

WINNIE: Bill!

This power nap's been a real roller coaster.

I came to apologize.

Yeah. Yeah. All is forgiven.

We have to hurry, so I can go win the contest.

Wait, really? What finally changed your mind?

A talking cow.

Oh, he must have had the Tush tots.

Can you make sure none of the snails poop on me?

I'll try, but I gotta say... (LAUGHS)

it can't be any grosser than what I'm seeing right now.

(TIMER DINGS) Ooh!

Time's up.

Let's see how baby-smooth your skin is

after that treatment.

Okay. Perfect.

(SCREAMS)

They made it so angry!

My chin grew another chin.

Are you telling me the snails didn't work?

I'm just as confused as you are.

Should we try having them poop on me?

I could be brave.

Look, Jake, the pimple just means you're growing up,

like getting into audiobooks,

or filling one grocery bag with hundreds of other grocery bags. You know?

I don't know, but continue.

I tried to help you get rid of the zit today

because you asked me to.

But the truth is, everyone gets pimples.

You shouldn't be ashamed.

It doesn't feel like everyone gets pimples.

It feels like it's just me.

There are a lot of snails missing.

Destiny. You have a customer.

(BLOWING)

She came back after I you're-banned her?

What is the point of a catchphrase

if people don't abide by it?

I invited her back so you can try out your new approach.

If you can handle Carol, you can handle anyone.

Her online review of the lake was "Hard pass. Cluttered with water."

I'm going in.

Welcome back to the Dusty Diner.

Can I take your order?

I don't know. Can you?

Coming in hot, huh, Carol?

Would you prefer I come in cold,

like your soup?

That's right.

I got callbacks.

You know what, Carol? You're--

Remember. She's just another camper.

(SIGHS)

Well, are you gonna stand there all day like a fool,

or are you gonna take my order?

Hello, Earth to blondie.

What I was going to say, is you better have come here hungry.

What can I get you?

I want the corn chowder with the corn on the side.

What a fun way to order that, Carol.

Also a slice of veggie pizza.

But I'm lactose intolerant, and tomatoes give me gas.

So no cheese or sauce and hold the veggies.

One slice of crust coming right up.

Oh, and do the water glasses around here fill themselves--

Was there anything else?

No.

That'll be it.

Thank you.

Destiny. You did it.

I know. I just imagined she was Winnie,

and suddenly, I was just grateful

she wasn't torturing a librarian.

I'm so proud of you.

And, remember, the customer's always right.

Hey, you with the glasses.

You look familiar.

Weren't you in that play at the barbecue restaurant?

Oh, yes.

A Meatcar Named Desire.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

"Enjoyed it"?

That was some of the worst meat-based theater I've ever seen.

You're banned!

(GASPS)

Some customers were just meant to be on the banned board.

Thank you, Dale, for that

performance of Yodel-lay-hee-who Let the Dogs Out?

My ears have never been more confused.

Bad boy!

Okay.

That was our last contestant.

Still not as fun as monster trucks,

but I just had to have a phone that fit in my pocket, huh?

Oh, the scores are in

and Dale received a 9 for warblin',

a 9.5 for trillin' and a 10 for quaverin'.

What is this sport?

Wait. You have one more contestant.

Ah! Bill the Trill.

I see you finally decided to abide by the yode code.

You're going down like a D crescendo

into a low-pitched chest register.

Strong words.

Are they?

Go for it.

♪ Down in the valley On the pinks of the Tush ♪

♪ Birds in the sky and deer in the bush ♪

♪ There's a cowboy that sings and can never be shushed to go... ♪

(YODELING)

♪ Out on the range perched high on his saddle ♪

♪ The cowboy yodels to round up his cattle ♪

♪ His voice echoes around a thunderous rattle ♪

(YODELING)

It looks like we have a tie, which means, and...

I can't believe I'm reading this right. (LAUGHS)

Sudden yodel death.

(ALL GASP)

Ooh! What's that?

It's a yodel off.

Dale and I will each yodel to call a cow over.

Whoever the cow goes to, wins.

Gentlemen, this is your cow judge and...

this is my life now.

Ready, set, yodel.

(YODELING)

(MOOS)

(YODELING)

(MOOING)

(YODELING)

(YODELING)

(YODELING)

(YODELING)

MISS O'VEAL: Bill!

Remember moo you are.

(YODELING)

(COW MOOING)

(HITS HIGH NOTE)

(MOOING)

Bill the Trill is the winner of the first and only

yodeling competition I will ever host.

So proud of that kid.

Me moo.

Oh, right.

I ate the Tush tots, too.

Jake, come on out.

The photographer is working overtime

and he refuses to take meat stuff as payment.

JAKE: Everyone's gonna make fun of my zit.

Maybe I should just try popping it.

No, Jake, I clean the mirrors.

Come on, buddy.

There's something out here I want you to see.

JAKE: Is it a dragon?

Why would it be a... Just get out here!

ALL: Surprise!

You guys all have pimples, too.

Turns out the solution was in my makeup box, after all.

And now we're all ready for our photo.

Really?

You guys are all willing to take your pictures, looking like me?

Of course. Now you won't have to go through it alone.

Thanks, guys.

Now there's no way I'll be embarrassed out there.

That's where the snails went.

Should we tell him?

After pictures?

After pictures.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0