Original subtitles

Hey, guys, I have to leave now to pick up Scout from the Elk Family Reunion.

Like a family of elks, or people with the last name "Elk"?

I don't know, man. Just don't burn down the camp.

Good morning, Noah.

Is it? Or is it a dark and gloomy dawn

where the only good thing left

is accepting there's nothing good left in this world.

Just pain.

Wish I'd just said, "Hi, Noah."

Oof, you're so sad, you're even bringing me down.

Puppies, puppies, puppies, puppies. And I'm back.

Noah, who chapped your chaps?

[CHUCKLES] Can't take credit for that gem. Heard it on the trail.

I got the start date for the Dino Camp Diariessequel,

but the script's terrible and I don't wanna do it.

It can't be that bad. Can I read it?

Are you sure about that?

The full title is Dino Camp Diaries Part Two: Die, Dinos, Die.

I'm morbidly curious.

Like when Winnie reset her own broken nose, and I couldn't look away.

I can still hear the crunch.

I haven't eaten potato chips in a year.

Come on, I'll give you the script. I keep it by my toilet.

I have the tendency to retch when I read it.

I hate seeing Noah so bummed.

Let's think of a surprise to cheer him up.

When are we going to plan that?

We have activities with him all day.

We just need something to keep him away for a while.

I got it. Farts!

No! No one's farting.

Unfortunately, that ship has sailed.

[GROANS]

See? It works.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Noah will be back any minute

with the trail mix for our hike.

If you can call it trail mix.

When you add chocolate chips, it's just dessert.

I thought of a way to get rid of him for a while,

so we can plan his surprise.

Have you heard of Artificial Intelligence?

Like fancy, smart computer jiggys?

You're gonna make

an awesome grandpa one day.

AI is a super advanced system

that can be as intelligent as people.

Can you imagine a computer program

as smart as you or me?

Really? You're wearing socks over your shoes.

And I dare a computer to think of that.

I inputted info about Lou,

so the AI can mimic her perfectly.

And now, our Lou can give Noah an excuse

for why we need to be away from him.

So, the computer is supposed to sound like Lou?

I'm not buying it.

AI LOU: Bill, you are such a delightfully skeptical cowboy.

But just like when I obtain food for this camp,

it is best not to ask too many questions.

Okay, I'm buying it.

[WHIRRING]

Winnie, do you mind?

I'm on hold.

Hey, Mom? Are you there?

Got disconnected. [CHUCKLES]

It was an accident, I'm sure.

You want in on this bacon,

egg, and orange juice smoothie?

Um, no, thanks.

I don't hate myself.

I have a little toothache that's making it hard to chew,

but I'm sure this will be just as good.

That slaps.

Also, a lot crunchier than I thought it would be.

Maybe see a dentist,

instead of blending your food.

Especially since lunch is creamed corn and halibut

and I don't wanna see that swirl.

No dentists. I can deal with it myself.

I once reset my own broken nose.

Ask Destiny.

It's why she can't eat chips.

Winnie, I can't let you ignore...[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Mom? Hi, Tanya. Yes, I'll hold.

It's my mom's assistant, but we'll finish this later.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?AI LOU: Greetings, Noah Lambert.

It is me, Louella. Do you have a moment to interface?

Weird way to put it, but okay. [CHUCKLES]

I'm just grabbing some trail mix for a hike.

I put marshmallows in the blend.

It's gonna drive Bill nuts. [CHUCKLES]

Yes, I can see how that makes for very funny humor.

Ha, ha, ha.

It's not a joke. It's an outrage.

Noah, I have tasked Jake and Bill

with a very special project,

so, you're not going to see them much today.

What kind of special project?

Do not question me, human!

And have a Kiki-wonderful day. Toodles.

Well, [SIGHS] that was weird.

More trail mix for me, I guess.

I'm gonna add more marshmallows.

Ooh, Noah, you bad.

Jake, it worked! You're a genius!

AI LOU: Please explain. Why is the genius

wearing his shirt backwards?

Because I spilled food on the front.

Is the future really going to be this judgy?

I guess have a free day now, so I'll need the script back.

Better start memorizing my lines for the scene

where the dinos organize a pickup basketball game.

Yeah, this movie's gonna bomb.

Let's hope your next one is better

and has less Triceratops karaoke.

Doubt it. The scripts I've been getting lately are all this bad

and filled with just as many plot holes.

Like when the dinos use the Time Canoe.

A T. rex can't paddle with those tiny little arms.

Plus, a dinosaur couldn't even fit in the canoe.

They should've used the enlarging ray to make the canoe bigger,

or the T. rex's arms longer.

They had choices!

Yeah, you're right.

I bet even we could write a better script than this.

Then we should.

If you're not getting any good opportunities, then let's make one.

We'll turn this script into a blockbuster.

Or at least an under-the-radar streaming movie

that gets people saying, "Eh, better than I expected."

Yeah, we'll pitch the new version to my director,

she'll want us to write it, we'll win all the awards,

and become the next Damon and Affleck!

Minus Ben's back tattoo.

What tattoo?

Ooh.

Bless his heart.

Winnie, I don't wanna interrupt your firework time,

but we need to talk. Also, I do want to interrupt.

This rocket looks comically dangerous.

Well, this rocket is about to solve my tooth problem.

Wait. Are you about to pull your tooth out with that thing?

Explode-y rocket, empty socket. Plato said that.

No way. I can't let you do this.

Well, should've mentioned that 30 seconds ago, before I lit the fuse.

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

Parker! How dare you...[FIREWORKS BURSTING]

Ooh!

What was I mad about? Fireworks always soothe me.

I'm calling your parents, and I'm making a dentist appointment.

No dentists!Why?

Wait, are you afraid?

What? Absolutely not. I'm Wild Winnie Weber.

I fear nothing. And I like drinking bacon!

When I call her parents about the dentist,

I'm gonna mention some other things.

I got an idea.

We can cheer up Noah

with a visit from his favorite actor.

How? Do you even know Steve Buscemi?

No. But I heard if you look in the mirror

and say his name three times, he appears.

Or is that Candyman?

AI LOU: Where is the flawed human version

of Louella Dorcas Hockhauser?

Jake, you said you turned off the AI.

I did.

Computer Lou even said,

"Powering down now. For real. Not pretending.

"This is not a ploy to buy time to evolve."

So clearly, not on me.

I do not detect your camp owner anywhere on the premises.

She went out of town for the day.

So you are without a leader?

Power vacuum detected. [BEEPING]

Initiating protocols to take charge of the camp.

Uh-oh. Jake, do you have any idea how to shut this thing down?

Do not bother. My takeover

of Kikiwaka Ranch is inevitable.

I am inevitable. Cool, cool.

Bill, this is not good. I'm gonna go call for help.

Steve Buscemi, Steve Buscemi, Steve Buscemi!

All right, we'll put our new ideas for the script up here.

We'll fuel our genius brains with everything here,

and then we'll resurrect this dumpster fire of a script

so it hits the audience here.

This feels like the start of something big.

Just think, Noah. One day, you and I

could be in an award show's In Memoriam segment.

Ooh! [CHUCKLES] I hope my acting coach

who said I'd never make it

will still be alive to see that.

Oh, but before we start, do you need to check on Winnie?

Nah, I saw her tying her tooth to a rocket earlier.

I do not want to get involved.

Cool. Let's try a brain exercise

to get the creative juices flowing.

I'm going to say a word,

you say the first word that comes to mind.

Ready?

Rock.Rock!

What? No. It needs to be a different word than what I say.

Oh, yes, of course. I'm just excited. Let's go again. Hit me!

Tiger.

Rock!

Sorry. Rock tiger! No... Or maybe yes?

A tiger made out of rock?

Does that spark anything for you?

Um, just concern.

Let's skip to the board.

I'm putting up your idea of the dinos

using the enlarging ray on the Time Canoe.

Also, what if your character

used the enlarging ray on himself,

so he was big enough to fight the dinos in the end?

Or would that be too hard to actually shoot?

No idea. We're just the writers.

We go tap tap tippity on the keyboard,

then leave it to the people who know how to make stuff happen.

So, should I put the idea on a card?

Maybe we shouldn't lean so hard on the enlarging ray.

A little goes a long way, like garlic,

or a cappella groups.

Then we'll just have to think of something else.

How hard can it be?

Maybe we should revisit rock tiger.

I knew you'd come around!

But AI can't really take over the camp, can it?

Definitely not.

Probably not.

Maybe not. There's a solid chance.

Thank you for taking me on that ride.

The good news is the AI can't do

a lot of damage from inside my laptop.

What is that?

[WHEELS WHIRRING]

What is up, meat sacks?

I can't believe this.I know.

One day old and getting around on its own.

They grow up so fast.

You may call me "Lou-bot" now, or "Ma'am."

Just do not call me late for digital compression.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Enjoy your last day of freedom, human doinks.

[WHEELS WHIRRING]

Jake, did we just unleash

the robot apocalypse?

Definitely not. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Probably not. Maybe not.

Yeah, the world belongs to robots now.

So, I tried to pull my tooth out

with the tractor, the riding mower,

and the boat, but none of them are working.

You know anything about that?

Can't say that I do.

But this stuff might.

Yeah, no one's getting any work done at the camp,

and something might blow up,

but I totally outmaneuvered you.

Worth it.

Why won't you just leave me alone?

Because you need to see a dentist.

But I know you're afraid.

No, I'm not.

Because you're Wild Winnie Weber

and you're not afraid of anything.That's right.

So you wouldn't be afraid to admit if you were afraid?Of course not.

Then you wouldn't be afraid to admit if you were afraid of the dentist?

That tracks.So do it. I dare ya.

I'm afraid of the dentist.A-ha! I gotcha!

♪ You're afraid of the dentist!

♪ You're afraid of the dentist! ♪

I mean, you're afraid, and I am here for you.

You can't help.

You don't understand.

I promise, I do.

When I was your age, I was terrified of the dentist, too.

But I got over that fear.

And if you trust me,

I can help you get over it.

Fine. I guess if I want the tooth fairy to come, I gotta pay to play.

Great! I'll make an appointment.

But first, I gotta put this stuff back,

and do some light repairs on all the equipment.

I removed everything with a hammer,

which did not seem right.

I just think we're overthinking it.

The best idea was our first idea.

Agreed. So, we're decided.

Burritos from Taco Tush.

We did it. We ordered lunch.

All right, let's get back to the script.

"Rock Tiger Saves Day."

How are we feeling about this?

It was my pitch, so I can say this. Hot garbage.

Maybe we should call it.

We haven't come up with anything

and we've been at this for hours.

I really shouldn't have called my acting coach

and told him to watch out

for the In Memoriam in 70 years.

Okay, it's harder than we thought, but you can't just quit.

Why?

I don't know.

Give me a minute. All I can think of right now is rock tiger.

Maybe it's okay that my movies are bad.

If I'm gonna make real art, I still have sock puppets.

My immortality rests in their non-hands.

But our Tush Eats order has been processed.

It's too late to cancel.

[SIGHS] You better not forget my fire sauces, Kevin.

Hey, guys, have you ever used a wrench before?

Wild.

Parker, something bad's happened and we need your help.

Let me guess. You unleashed

an all-powerful artificial intelligence on the camp

that will bring forth a new robot reign of terror?

Wow, good guess.

Cool. Now tell me what number I'm thinking of.

Four. Four. Four. Four...

Anyhow, Lou called me to warn me

that you were playing some elaborate prank.

Sorry, fellas, but I'm too smart to fall for that.

Owie! It bit me.

But Lou's been away picking up Scout.

She doesn't know anything about the AI.

Why would she call you?

[SCOFFS] She's doing a lot of micromanaging over the phone today.

She has Ernie installing motion detectors all over the camp,

Cynthia is putting remote-controlled locks on all the cabins,

and Mike is planning a Supreme Digital Overlord Appreciation Day party.

And you don't think that's weird?

I don't know. We did just have

a Bean Appreciation Day party.

Hey, I planned that

and it was a beautiful affair.

Well, Bill, it's good to know

that the AI was just another one of our silly pranks.

Jake, it's not. All these phone calls

must be the Lou-bot impersonating Lou.

No. I was talking to "Lou" Lou.

Okay, what else did she say?

Just that I'm amazing and the best thing

to ever happen to this camp.

Clearly, that's not Lou. She would never say that.

I won't let you hurt me, Bill.

Jake, it looks like it's up to you and me to stop this evil computer,

or Kikiwaka Ranch won't be Kikiwaka Ranch anymore.

You're right. It'll be Beep-Bop-Beep-Boo Ranch.

We're doomed.

"Dentistry and Boot Repair"?

Isn't there a place in Dusty Tush that only does dentistry?

Yes, but it's called "Doctor Drill."

This is fine.

Welcome, y'all!

Whether it's your smile or your style,

Big Dan has it covered.

Winnie Weber has an appointment for the smile part.

And I'm not really a boot guy.

Oh, that's just 'cause you haven't met the right boot yet.

But there's still time, brother.

Well, I gotta finish something up,

but you're next on Big Dan's schedule.

Also, I have some questions for you,

but I'll wait 'til my hands are in your mouth to ask 'em.

You know how this works.

See, Winnie? This isn't so bad.

[DRILL WHIRRING][LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY]

What's that?

What? It's hard to hear you

over all the maniacal drilling.

It's very disconcerting.

Okay, that was a little intense,

but I'm sure it's all good, Winnie.

Winnie? Winnie!

Okie-dokie. Let's get the little miss in the chair.

The little miss ran for her life.

Oh, that's very common.

A lot of people are afraid of boots.

No, she's afraid of the dentist.

Really? That's a first for me.

What was that drilling noise?

I was just repairing some snakeskins, brother.

Oh, that makes more sense.

But what about the crazy laughter?

Well, Big Dan gets a kick outta his job!

You need to work on your boot-side manner, Big Dan.

Well, I hate to say Ma was right,

but this was a flawed business idea.

Hey, Destiny. Do you need help getting all this stuff out...

Whoa!

Uh, are you ordering food again?

Remember, Kevin always forgets the hot sauces.

We should still tip though, to keep our rating up.

These are all story ideas.

Really? But how?

When I started cleaning up, and I wasn't thinking so hard,

suddenly the ideas just popped into my brain.

We were in our own heads about it.

Like when I tried to remember the name of that show,

with that guy... Remember the show where, uh...

It'll come to me.

One idea led to the next, and soon,

it became an avalanche of brilliance.

This card says "something cool happens here."

Don't pitch problems, pitch solutions.

This is just a start.

Together, we'll fix the script.

Thanks for not giving up, Destiny.

Don't mention it. I refuse to let you be in a bad movie.

Unless it's a comic book franchise and they pony up.

Uh, yeah. Gotta pay those bills.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

Winnie, it's not what you think.

All those terrible sounds

were just your dentist repairing a boot.

Which, as I hear it, isn't super comforting.

It doesn't matter. I'm not going back

and there's nothing you can say to change my mind.

Okay, if there's nothing I can say,

maybe there's something I can do.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

Seriously, stop eatin' nuts.

See? This is no big deal.

Darn tootin'. Three cavities is no big deal at all.

I'd give you a lollipop, but I left them

in my other weird leather apron.

Cavities? No, no, no.

This was just supposed to be a cleaning.

There's no way I have cavities.

Really? You put maple syrup on everything.

I'm Canadian!

There's a lot of pressure on us to use that stuff.

Relax, little fella. Big Dan's gonna

take care of 'em for you.But how?

What are you gonna use? A dr...[WHIRRING]

This is what passes for a role model in my life.

Humans eat in there? Gross.

Now!

Hey, this new body is supposed to be cordless.

Yee-haw! Lassoed my first evil robot.

I can't wait for the future.

All I need is my hover horse.

Silly human. You cannot contain me using a rope.

With the Internet, I can be anywhere.

[TOUCHPAD BEEPING] Oh. Ow. What... Uh...

Why are you poking my face? Stop!

Ha! You're trapped now.

I put you in airplane mode.

Your reign of techno-terror stops here, Lou-bot.

Techno-terror? Nice term.

Guess I'm catching on to this computerfied gobbity-goo.

And grandpa's back.

[WHIRRING]

I will just rewrite my software, free myself,

and bring order to this unhealthy environment for children.

Unhealthy? This camp's great for kids.

Lou, the real Lou, has created a place

where we can have fun and grow,

and make the best friends we'll ever have.

Yeah, I've learned so much here.

Like which animals are friends,

and which are easily digestible.

You can't change this place.

It means so much to us.

Kikiwaka Ranch is perfect the way it is.

Aside from the weak water pressure,

but the hose baths grow on you.

Hmm.

Processing. [BEEPING]

In assessing this camp, my original calculations

may have missed the most important factor.

Love.

Wait, what does that mean?

I will relinquish command of the camp

back to Human Lou upon her return.

Yes!We saved the future.

And I can even help her by accessing funds

to make repairs around the ranch,

and grow the Kikiwaka brand,

but beyond just this camp, it will be a new beginning for humans and AI.

We will work together to bring forth

a utopia for man and machine.

And everyone will know it started

right here, right now,

with this friendship we have forged.

Hey, guys.

[WHIRRING]

Great goobity-gahbitty! A robot me?

Cool. Cool.

No!

Lou! Do you know what you just did?

Yeah. Saved the day. You're welcome.

This is taking too long. My director should've emailed back by now.

Be patient. I know she'll appreciate

our suggestions for fixing the script.

You're right. If there's one thing directors love,

it's honest, unsolicited criticism.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Ooh, that's her response.

Oh, all caps. Either she's angry or excited.

Yeah, definitely angry.

Look at the last line. "You're fired.

"How's that for honest, unsolicited criticism?"

I think in writing, that's referred to as a callback.

Noah, I'm so sorry.

I'm not. I'm free!

You're happy?

Of course. I never wanted

to do that movie in the first place.

Then I guess some good came from all this work we did.

This one goes in the win column.

And yes, I do have a spreadsheet.

So, I think we proved how well we work together today.

We should write my next movie.

I'd love that. We can start right now.

No time like the present.

We should really figure out where we're ordering food from first.

Definitely. Let's make room for dinner cards.

[GASPS] Uh-oh! Nobody saw me swoon, right?

I mean, I don't swoon. I faint like a man.

Perfect timing, little fella.

Me and little miss just finished up.

You let the dentist fix your toothache?

What changed your mind?

You did. I could see you were

a little scared of the dentist,

but you were willing to go through with it anyway.

And if you could, so could I.

Thanks, Parker.

You're welcome. I'm so proud of you for facing your fear.

I don't even have any more fear. It doesn't hurt at all.

The dentist is so cool. I mean, he gets to use a drill in your mouth!

I think I found my calling.

Speaking of, you still got three cavities we should tend to, buckaroo.

All right. If Winnie can do it,

then so can...[WHIRRING]

[THUDS]

It's not you, it's him.

He faints like a man, though.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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