Original subtitles

Look, everyone, I know this heat wave is intense,

but we can't let it get us down.

So, who wants to join me

on the Great Lawn for a game of horseshoes?

[ALL GROANING]

Well, thank you for not throwing horseshoes, I guess.

Geez, this heat wave

is making everyone so cranky.

Not to mention sweaty.

In the battle of antiperspirant

versus hordes of teenagers, we all lose.

Well, I'm gonna go cool off in the walk-in fridge

next to the boxes of "I Can't Believe It's Not Ham."

Wait, if it's not ham, then what was in my Denver omelet?

Not ham.

There you go, Scout.

And there you go, Jake.

Why, thank you.

Who says we have to compete against each other

just because we're on opposite teams?

BILL AND WINNIE: Literally everyone!

Come on, Scout, I wanna win.

But I just wanna make memories with my new friends.

I wouldn't even mind if we stopped keeping score.

[GASPS] Wow.

You think you know someone

and then they say something like that.

Go for the goal, Jake.

This is for the pride of Coyote Cabin.

And I am proud.

Of my good manners.

Ugh, it's so hot.

Yeah, so why are you wearing a jacket?

Parker, people hold me to a high standard.

I'm the camp's best dressed counselor.

Sorry, [CHUCKLES] did someone say,

"Camp's best dressed counselor?"

Because here I am. Drink it in.

You really think

you're the camp's best dressed counselor?

I've been serving looks at this place

since before you ate your first crow s'more.

Yeah, and all those looks

have been in the same color palette.

Take a risk, girl.

Uh, you can't seriously think you're better dressed than me.

I see neither sequins nor sparkles.

You might as well be wearing [GAGS] sweatpants

with a [GAGS] plain white shirt.

Oh, who even cares about being

the camp's best dressed counselor?

It's all I care about.I do.

What about the safety and well-being

of the children you're in charge of?

[LAUGHS] Good one, Parker.[LAUGHS]

I couldn't even keep a straight face as I said it.

ALL: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

I wonder why Lou wanted us all to meet here.

I hope it's not for another

"we have to start rationing toilet paper" speech.

Eh, that's why

people invented socks.

Oh.

I see you've changed into formal wear.

Of course. It's after breakfast.

I'm not a toddler.

I notice you changed, too.

Oh, [CHUCKLES] this?

Didn't even look in the mirror.

Just threw it on effortlessly like...

An effortless person.

Well, it seems we're at an impasse.[CHUCKLES]

BOTH: I'm gonna go change.

I'm telling you, this is not a good idea.

It's so hot.

Just ask the chickens.

Oh wait, you can't. They're all roasted!

Parker, relax. I'm the camp director,

I know what I'm doing.

[WHISTLES] Ow. [LISPS] My lipth.

[LISPING] The metal ith too hot.

Parker, you tell them.

All right, listen up, everyone.

Against my better judgment,

Lou has decided that you'll all be participating in a camp-wide competition

of "Kiki-gotcha."

[GASPS] Another game? Jake, I hope you win.

And I hope you win.

And I hope neither of them are on our team.

All right, the game will be cabin versus cabin,

everyone gets a belt with a flag on it,

and the goal is to take the flags of all the competing cabins.

Once you lose your flag, you're out of the game,

and the last person with a flag on their belt

will win for their whole cabin,

so who's ready to steal some flags?

Way to sell it.

You're going to make us run around in this heat?

This is not hijinks weather.

Yeah, I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I'd rather [GAGS] read quietly.

I think you all will change your mind

when you find out what the prize is.

The winning cabin gets

an air conditioning unit.

ALL: [CHANTING] Lou! Lou! Lou!

Lou, I do not think you should go through with this game.

Heat makes people do crazy things.[CHANTING CONTINUES]

One time in Canada it got up to 30 degrees Celsius

and everyone stopped saying "Thank you."

I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything you said

once the "Lou" chant started. [CHUCKLES]

Louder at the back, I can't hear you.

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!Lou! Lou! Lou! Lou! Lou!

We are so gonna crush this game.

Now, make sure your flag-belt is on tight, okay?

[CHUCKLES] Look, it's like I have a tail.

Man, I wish we hadn't evolved out of these.

Come on, focus on winning that AC.

You need to be more competitive.

No more polite, foosball-playing Scout.

Everyone at camp is now your enemy.

But I'm finally making human friends

instead of just animal ones.

And this is what human friends do.

We try to destroy each other,

then brag about our victory for social capital. Got it?

I can tell you want me to say yes,

and I'm a people pleaser

so let's go destroy our best friends?

Attagirl! Who says I'm a bad influence?

Everyone.Rhetorical question. Let's go.

Okay, why don't you practice stealing my flag?

I wanna make sure you're ready for the game.

Oh, I'm ready. Watch this.

Bill, may I pretty please have your flag?

Jake, you gotta be tougher.

Oh, sorry. [CHUCKLES]

Bill, may I pretty please have your flag?

This is a competition. Don't say "please."

What? Next you'll say I can't send

handwritten thank-you notes after the game.

Where does it end, Bill?

We need to win that AC.

It's so hot, I'm considering wearing shorts

and you know the only calves

I like showing off are baby cows.

Sorry, I don't wanna let you down,

but I'm just not that competitive.

It's true.

You're only competitive when you're gaming.

That's it.

Maybe you should try thinking

about Kiki-gotcha like a video game.

Okay, I can do that.

I'll go get my bathroom bucket. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, Whoa, whoa. [CHUCKLES]

Let's step out this analogy a bit more.

I still think you should listen to me and cancel the game.

Parker, I would listen to you more

if you disagreed with me less. Please, work on that.

Besides, I can't cancel the game now.

Everyone's too excited about winning an AC unit.

Are they? Destiny and Noah look like

they're about to kill each other.

They're just super into the game.

Right, guys?

Fashion isn't a game, Lou.

Seriously. We're surrounded by unkempt trash muffins.

Except for you, Lady Who Signs My Paychecks.

Okay, everybody, Kiki-gotcha starts when I blow my whistle.

[BLOWS WHISTLE] Ow. [LISPS] I forgot how hot thith ith.

[LISPING] Just thart playing. Parker, get me thome ithe.

Hey, you, give me your flag.

No, give me your flag. And then tell us whose outfit you like the best.

[LAUGHS] Come on, Scout.

Show no mercy! In the name of friendship.

Still friends?

Wait, I'm so sorry,

I'm new to human interaction!

Jake? What happened to treating

this competition like a video game?

That's what I'm doing.

I just can't figure out how to hit pause.

Not so fast.

I can stand here all day.

As can I.

Hey, I guess I did figure out how to hit pause.

Well, Weber, it looks like

there's only one way for this to end.

Both of us done for.

It's been an honor competing against you, Pickett.

See you on the other side... of the lake.

It's where all the losers

are meeting up until the game is over.

One... Two...

Stop! You guys are friends,

you can't turn on each other like this.

Well, if I can't win,

I'm not letting Bill win either.

What if we could all win?

What if our cabins formed an alliance

to take out the rest of the camp?

BOTH: Tell us more.

Bill, you said I should think of this competition like a video game.

And in gaming, the bigger the squad

the better the chance of winning.

Our cabins could share the prize.

I'll let go if she does.

Fine.

Yay, alliance.

What should we call ourselves?

The Coyotangs!The Bill-Jake-Noah-Winnie- Scout-Destiny Team.

Uh, yeah, what she said.

This is actually a great idea, Jake.

Together, the six of us can't be stopped.

Wait, where are Destiny and Noah?

Okay, the four of us can't be stopped.

Let's go.

Hurry up, Parker. I need your help

carrying this AC unit back to the Great Lawn.

I hate this metal shop.

It's always infested with spiders.

I don't see any today though.

Now you know what's in the "Not Ham."

Really? Spiders? Why can't we just eat good,

old-fashioned peanut butter and jelly?

Actually, the jelly is...I don't wanna know!

Hang on, where's the AC unit?

I know I stored it in here.

Well, that family of raccoons

did steal our antique butter churner.

So, maybe they took our AC too?

[GASPS] They're getting stronger.

We need to keep an eye on our smaller campers.

Now you have to cancel the game.

The whole camp is turning on each other for a non-existent prize.

Or we can just build a new air conditioner.

I'm sure we have all the parts right here.

Fine. You start building,

I'll be on the lookout for any super-jacked raccoons.

You see one you're gonna hide behind a rock, aren't you?

Or a small camper.

[SIGHS] The game's getting intense.

How are you two doin' out there?

Well enough to turn my victories into a necklace.

Bloodlust is a girl's best friend.

Cool. My best friend is Bill.

I'm killing it too. How many flags did you get, Jake?

None. But I plan to send some

strongly-worded emails this afternoon.

Here, to help you get in the competitive spirit,

Winnie offered to make you something.

Ooh, is it a pumpkin pie?

Why would it be pumpkin pie?

We don't even have real ham here.

Done. These are Weber-original augmented reality goggles.

They'll make the world look like a video game called The Eliminator.

And help you get into gamer-mode.

Winnie, didn't Destiny say you aren't allowed to play with power tools?

These are unprecedented times, Scout.

And I'm sure Destiny would agree. Don't tell her.

Thanks, Winnie.

JAKE: Whoa, everyone's a robot.

Die, robot scum!

Your flags are mine!

Tonight I'll be eating pumpkin pie from your skulls!

Wow. The Coyotangs might actually win this thing.

Not until we fix that.

[CHUCKLES] Whoa!

I see why dogs throw up so much.

I know how to get through to her.

Hey, Scout. Can I talk to you?

Ooh, are we sharing secrets?

I'll go first.

The ham here isn't ham.

Listen, this Kiki-gotcha game isn't just a competition,

it's survival of the fittest.

Like in the animal kingdom?

Exactly. And to help us win,

you need to act like the most ferocious animal in the wild.

Like the mockingbird? It can be quite territorial.

Think bigger. Think teeth.

So, like, a mountain lion?

Yes, good, be a mountain lion.

Come on, give us a roar.

Actually, mountain lions don't roar.

It's more like a screech.

Really? How's that scary?

[SCREECHES LOUDLY]

Oh. [CHUCKLES] That's how.

Are you noobs gonna sit around all day,

or are we gonna set a new high score?

[IMITATING SCHWARZENEGGER] Come with me if you want a bunch of flags.

[GROWLS]

[LAUGHS VICTORIOUSLY]

Sorry about your pants, but still counts.

Eliminated.

[GROWLS]

Wow, you seem different, Scout. New haircut?

[GROWLS]

Maybe it was new shoes?

Gotcha! [SIGHS]

A turtleneck was a bad choice.

BOTH: I'm wearing it better!

That's it. We need to decide

who's best dressed counselor once and for all.

[SIGHS] Fine. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

BOTH: Time to go full Met Gala.

BOTH: Stop saying what I'm saying. I'm storming off.

Got those wires you asked for.

Hey, unrelated, maybe stay off the jet skis

for the rest of the summer.

Thanks. I'm having trouble getting this thing to work.

Well, you better hurry. It's chaos out there.

Bill just asked me to borrow a pair of shorts,

and you know how that kid feels about exposed calves.

Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad.

Scout, attack!

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTS TRIUMPHANTLY]

I'm sorry, you were saying?

Oh, nice work, Scout. Let's go find the boys.

The Coyotangs are so close

to winning that air conditioner.

That's right. You're gonna win

a very real air conditioning unit

that exists and definitely works.

Or we can keep the prize all to ourselves.

What do you mean?

Let's break the alliance and take out the boys,

so we don't have to share the air conditioner.

You want us to betray our friends for our own self-interest?

[GROWLS]I am so proud of you right now.

Great idea for a game, Lou.

I am really feeling the camp spirit.

Well, looks like your two closest cabins

are about to viciously turn on each other. [SCOFFS]

Hate to say "I told you so."

Actually, I love it.

Look, are you gonna gloat,

or you gonna help me build this thing?

Can't I do both?

There are only two cabins left in the game.

We need to be on the lookout for them.

You're right, robot with Bill's voice and bangin' calves.

Baker.

Lambert.

You look...

I'm sorry, I have to say this, you look amazing.

Oh, my gosh, so do you.

A wagon wheel chandelier hat?

Now that's taking a risk and nailing it.

Talk about finding your light.

And you. The cape, the ruffles,

timeless, yet somehow so modern.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" I thinketh I shall.

Destiny, we need to talk to you.

Right now.

Okay, slow down.

There's no running in couture.

I wonder what they're talking about.

You wanna end the alliance with the boys?

I guess we'll never know.

I don't believe this. You're ending our alliance?

Uh-huh, that's right. We're perspiring against you.

It's the Wolf and Sheep Cabins, they formed an alliance!

Finish them!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SCREECHES]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]

BILL: Jake, you eliminated me.

What have I done?

These hands...

Oh, no, my flag. Who got me?

[GROWLS]

Scout? How could you?

[SPITS] Sometimes you have to take out

the weak for the good of the pride!

Survival of the fittest.

Bill taught me that.

Bill who?

Do you know what's going on here?

I'm starting to think maybe we should've

paid a little more attention to our campers today.

Jake and Scout are the last two with a flag.

[GROWLS]

Welcome to the jungle, punk.

Scout, I think we can both admit

that we've taken things too far,

me as The Eliminator,

and you as what I can only assume is a mockingbird?

[GROWLS]

You don't have to do this.

We can join forces again and both win the game.

What do you say?

I say... [SCREECHES]

I don't speak mockingbird,

so I'm just gonna run away now.

[SCREAMS]

I think we may have messed up.

Ya think? I'm probably going to have to get Scout a litter box.

Well, there you have it.

Lou Hockhauser built an AC unit

completely from scratch.

Man, I really do my best work when I'm lying to children.

Yeah, but I still think you should take that out of the brochure.

[MACHINE REVVING]

Ah. Feel that sweet, refreshing,

smothering, hot air? Did I make a heater?

Nope. There's just a fire inside.

I think you made a flamethrower.

Sweet mercy![POWERS DOWN]

[SIGHS] Man, this was such a mistake.

If only you would've just listened to me...

Careful, Parker.

I have a flamethrower.

Man, I'm gonna have to come clean to the kids.

I just hope they're too tired to run me out of town,

because [CHUCKLES] this ranch won't last a week with you in charge.

I'm sorry, how many times did you burn your mouth on a hot whistle today?

[LAUGHS] I did do that, yes.

Jake, I know you're in here.

[SNIFFS]

I smell fear [GASPS] and cheese puffs.

[GASPS]

Aw, man, I knew I should've licked my fingers better.

Say goodbye to your flag, Jake.

Because it looks like I got Kiki-gotcha!

Scout, stop! I was wrong!

Yeah, Bill was wrong!

Oh, fine, I was wrong, too.

No, you were both right from the start.

This is survival of the fittest

and it's not over until I've eviscerated all my prey!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS]

Foosball?

That's right. Remember who you are.

Jake, my friend.

I wanted to make memories with him.

Yes, exactly.

Let's play some foosball.

We don't even have to keep score.

Ugh, I still really hate that.

Jake? Is that you?

Scout, you're back.

Thank you for reminding me who I am.

I don't know what got into me.

We got into you.

We're sorry for pushing you both to be so competitive.

It was wrong of us to try to change you.

So, can we be the Coyotangs again?

Of course. Coyotangs forever.

ALL: Coyotangs!

Destiny, why do you have a lamp on your head?

[CHUCKLES] Uh, no. It's a chandelier.

You were right, Noah. Unkempt trash muffins.

I've been thinking, if our campers can put aside their competition,

then we should be able to share the title of best dressed counselor.

Agreed. Today, we proved that we both rock it on a daily basis.

[INHALES] And that we brought way too many clothes to camp.

Yes, truly a concerning amount.

There you are, Lou. The Coyotangs are ready to accept our shared prize.

Actually, there is no prize. The AC unit is missing.

But I can offer you a lightly scorched

heating unit- slash-flamethrower

with the caveat, you should never turn it on.

So this was all for nothing?

I exposed my calves for nothing?

Parker, where did you disappear to?

Nothing, nowhere.

I mean, I was just in my grain silo cabin. No biggie. [CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFS] You don't smell sweaty,

like the rest of us.

And your hair has so much bounce.

He's cold, people!

[ALL GASP]

Okay, fine! The AC unit isn't missing, I took it.

The raccoons are innocent. Swole, but innocent.

So this why you were so against the competition.

I'm sorry, but the grain silo's

basically an air fryer with furniture.

Hey, anyone need a barbecued futon, 'cause I've got one.

Seriously, Parker? How could you?

Let's not point fingers here.

You serve these children spider ham.

ALL: What?

[ALL CLAMORING]

Guys, guys, guys.

We can't start this again.

I know what'll make us feel better.

Let's sing my favorite song.

Hakuna Matata?

I'll get my guitar. Parker, hit it.

♪ Hakuna Matata What a wonderful phrase

♪ Hakuna Matata Ain't no passing craze

♪ It means no worries

♪ For the rest of your days

♪ It's our problem-free philosophy

♪ Hakuna Matata

ALL: ♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ Hakuna Matata

♪ It means no worries

♪ For the rest of your days

♪ It's our problem-free philosophy

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪

[ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Ah. I feel better now.

Get him![SCREAMS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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