Original subtitles

Wow.

Feels weird being in your office

now that we're a couple.

I don't know how to act.

Caitlin, we've discussed this.

When we're here, we're all business.

Okay.

We came in under budget on the library renovation.

That is great.

Really, really great.

What are you doing?

I'm exercising good management skills.

The best way to acknowledge a job well done

is with a stroke of the hair.

Hey, Charlie, guess what.

Got that swing vote for that education proposal.

That's great, Paul. Yeah.

Really, really great.

Yeah.

I also got out that press release.

Charlie, I got us a reservation

at Vince & Eddie's for dinner tonight.

Oh. That's great.

Don't worry. I know there's a Knicks game,

so I got us a table by the bar

so you could watch it.

That is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

You know me so well.

There are advantages to dating a friend.

You're right. You know, this is the first relationship

I've been in where I can just relax and be myself.

Whoops.

Sorry.

There's the new couple.

Are you guys telling anyone yet?

No.

I'm the only one who knows about you two?

Knows what about them?

Well, if you add Charlie and Caitlin's ages,

divide by 7, and add 1,800,

you get... The year of Lincoln's birth.

Why wasn't I told about this?

Guys, let me introduce you to the organizer

of the mayors' conference.

Charlie, this is...

Carla Hayes.

Right. And, Carla, this is Charlie...

Charlie Crawford.

Wow, you guys are really good at this.

The last time I saw you was that ski weekend in Vermont.

That's right. We rented that amazing condo.

Remember the security busted us for trespassing?

BOTH: In the neighbors' hot tub!

That was so great. Ha ha ha.

[CLEARS THROAT] It wasn't that great.

I'm sorry. Carla, this is Caitlin, and that's Carter.

Nice to meet you.

Well, I have meetings to go to. You want to walk me out?

Sure.

Wow.

That was uncomfortable.

Oh, it sure was.

How bad did she want me?

I can't stand these conventions.

Nothing but a bunch of glad-handing

and corny jokes, huh?

Here comes the mayor of Milwaukee.

Hey, bill, how's Milwaukee?

Anything brewin'?

Ah ha ha ha.

Ha ha!

Oh, that was painful.

Here comes Philadelphia. Hey! Bruce!

When are you going to fix the crack in that bell, huh?

Ha ha ha.

I hate myself.

Uh-oh. Hollywood's in the house.

Here's the mayor of L.A.

I can't stand that stone Taylor.

Leave it to the mayor of L.A. to show up an hour late, huh?

Always has to make an entrance.

Hey, stone! Well, that's some soft-looking leather.

Oh, well, I had the jacket custom made.

I'm talking about your face.

[LAUGHING]

But I guess that's been custom made, too, huh?

[LAUGHING]

Speaking of which, is that a new chin?

Yes, it is.

I was wondering what they did with my old one.

It appears they stuck it under yours.

[LAUGHING]

Why don't we put our personal issues aside,

stone, and concentrate on the cities that we represent?

I guess you've heard about

the new state-of-the-art performance center we have.

Houses three shows at once.

Well, that's cute.

Maybe you've heard of a thing called Broadway.

Yeah, we have year-round beautiful weather.

Well, we've got year-round intelligence.

Oh, yeah? Our sister city is going to be Paris.

Well, our sister city is...

Um, what?

Ottawa.

Ottawa. Ha ha ha ha!

Ottawa. Good for you.

I hear they have a wonderful personality.

Ha ha ha ha!

New York is the greatest city in the free world.

How did we end up with ottawa?

Sir, it is the capital of Canada.

Well, that's like being the president

of the audio/visual club.

I was the president of the audio/visual...

well, not president.

I was recording secretary.

Sir, if you're not happy with ottawa,

other cities are available.

Oh, really? Such as?

Well, uh, okay. Tokyo. Too crowded.

Melbourne.

Mel-boring.

Hey, guys, you got to come to the back table.

Stone Taylor is telling crazy stories

about his Oscar after-party.

You don't want to miss it.

[GALES OF LAUGHTER DRIFT FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM]

Go ahead, Paul.

Oh, my God.

Is that Joseph Maxwell?

Yeah, he's covering the conference

for "today's world" magazine.

What's the big deal?

He's pulitzer prize- winning writer,

not to mention a champion triathlete,

plus he was voted one of the 10 sexiest men in New York.

That list is the dumbest thing in the world.

Weren't you number 11?

Yeah.

But if Alec Baldwin porks up again, I'm in.

Carter, can I talk to you about something?

Yeah, sure. What's up?

I can't stop thinking about that woman

that Charlie was with before.

I mean, I know all about his past,

and now that we're together, just seeing him

with one of his exes really bothered me.

Caitlin, anyone would feel the same.

Well, I'm not sure what to do.

I mean, I don't want to be the kind of person

who turns everything into a big deal,

but if this relationship is going to have a chance,

we have to be able to talk about everything.

You don't have a choice.

You got to confront the situation.

Or you'll wind up one of those pathetic people

who play passive-aggressive games.

I've learned that much in 36 years.

Oh, my God, I am so sorry.

I forgot it was your birthday yesterday.

It's no big deal.

I bought myself a cake,

I sat home alone, and I ate it.

Ha.

Happy Birthday to me.

Um, Charlie, I want to talk to you about Carla

and how uncomfortable it was seeing her.

Don't let it bother you. I was fine.

By the way, thanks for being so cool about it.

What do you mean?

Well, most women would have flipped out

and gotten jealous.

Then they'd want to talk about every tiny detail.

So, if someone felt jealous,

they should just keep it to themself?

Why would someone want to show

that side of themselves, anyways?

It's such an ugly, weak emotion.

So you're saying you never get jealous?

No, never.

I have self-confidence.

Well, this conversation has been very enlightening.

I'm glad we talked.

That's what I'm here for.

Man, are we clicking.

I am proud to proclaim sisterhood

between the great city of New York

and the very...

Pleasant city of ottawa.

Thank you, sir.

I know you won't be disappointed with ottawa.

We're the home of 5-pin bowling,

nursing mother breast pads,

and the best back bacon west of lake champlain.

Oh! Ha ha.

Ottawa... the Paris...

Of central Canada.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, eh?

Sir, I crashed the crepe expo at the French embassy

this morning like you asked me to.

I didn't ask you to do that.

Right, right, right. Anyway, it turns out

that pairs hasn't officially committed

to be L.A.'s sister city.

I should have known. Stone is such a liar.

I bet he's not even really neighbors

with Susan Anton!

This means that I can get Paris.

Finally I can beat that guy.

Well, sir, do you really think you can take Paris?

Why not? It's been done by everyone who's ever tried.

Hi, Caitlin.

I'm not making any promises,

but if you come by my place after dinner,

there's a good chance you might get lucky.

I can't make it.

I'm kidding. I'll totally put out.

No, Charlie, I have to take out

a reporter for the mayor tonight.

Oh. Okay. I understand.

It's just business.

Exactly what kind of business are you doing?

You're not upset, are you?

Oh, no. Please.

Don't be silly.

Hi there. I'm Joseph Maxwell.

Oh, Caitlin Moore.

The mayor told me I'd be meeting

with one of his top aides.

I had no idea you were so beautiful.

Thank you. That means a lot

coming from the fourth sexiest man in New York.

Hi. Charlie Crawford.

I was number two last year.

Then I hurt my shoulder,

lost a little chest definition...

You know how that goes.

Not really.

So, our limo awaits.

Great.

You two have fun tonight.

Well, that answers just about all my questions

on the Winston administration.

Thank you so much for doing this.

Oh, don't mention it.

It's been fascinating getting to know you.

I can't believe you trekked through the Amazon.

How do you stay so fit?

My secret... I never eat carbs.

I'll see you tonight at the mayors' banquet.

Looking forward to it.

Caitlin, can you look at this?

What is it?

I got to fill out this expense voucher

for your business dinner last night.

Okay.

So, the dinner started at 7:00.

I'm guessing you got home at what, 9:00? 10:00?

1:00.

I see.

A little late for a work night.

But we'll stick to expenses.

Were there any alcoholic beverages consumed?

We had two bottles of wine.

Excessive drinking...

Did he make you laugh?

Ha ha.

Yes. He was very charming.

Two bottles of wine, who wouldn't be?

Charlie, these questions seem a little strange

for an expense report.

Hey, don't blame me.

Those people in accounting don't fool around.

Which brings me to my next question.

You're acting a little strange.

Are you jealous?

No. I'm just trying to get some work done.

You remember work.

That's what the rest of us do

while you're out all night getting liquored up!

What are you doing? Nothing.

I see you flirting with Joseph.

You're trying to make Charlie jealous.

Talking to him didn't work.

And if this relationship is going to survive,

he needs to understand how I feel,

and the only way that's going to happen

is if I show him.

That stays between us, okay?

Okay.

But you should know...

Charlie is not the type of guy

who is easily manipulated.

I'm at the Lakers game, talking to Jack.

Nicholson.

Anyway, we decided that if we get you

as a sister city,

we're taking that canoes film festival

to where it belongs...

gay paree.

Let's drink to that.

Mayor Taylor, you have an urgent call

from a Susan Anton.

Really?

I'll be just a second.

Simone!

Bon soir! Bon soir!

Since I only have a minute, um...

I think you're making a big mistake

jumping into this thing with L.A.

Why? Mr. Taylor seems very nice.

I don't think you're compatible.

Did you know that in Los Angeles,

it's illegal to smoke indoors?

And that includes your bistros and cafes.

No. It cannot be true.

Taylor doesn't deserve Paris.

Why, just this morning he called Gerard depardieu...

what? I can't even say it.

What did he say

about France's most gifted cinematic genius?

He called him a bloated, talentless,

potato-nosed loser.

Oh, mon die...

Big mon die...

I'm sorry this conference is ending.

I'm having a lot of fun.

[LAUGHS]

What do you keep laughing at?

Oh, was I laughing?

Yes. Show me what I did.

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey, how's it going?

Horrible. Seeing Caitlin and Joseph together

is driving me nuts.

I haven't slept. I can't eat.

My stomach is in knots.

I'm not designed to care about someone.

You really think she'd be interested in him over you?

Maybe. I don't know.

I'm going to talk to Caitlin.

I got to stop worrying about looking cool

in front of her.

Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you for a sec?

I'm sort of interested in one of your friends.

Yeah, you've made that painfully clear.

Carter knows?

Carter?

Wait a second. You're gay?

Yeah.

Yes! Yes!

That's fantastic!

That's the greatest thing in the world!

Could you tell my dad that?

Hey, what's going on?

Joseph is gay.

Ha.

Yes!

Talk to him.

Uh...

Oh, my God, this all makes sense.

Caitlin is messing with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what did he mean

when he said "talk to her"?

Caitlin and I had a conversation

the other day about jealousy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Joseph.

I told her I'm not the kind of guy

that gets jealous,

and now she's teaching me a lesson.

Look,

I talk to you about your relationship crap

all the time!

Is this guy into me or not?

Yes.

Cool.

Now that we've taken care of that,

you have my full attention.

I know what Caitlin's doing,

but don't let her know that I know.

You see, relationships are built on trust, so...

hey, hey, there's Joseph.

You are so light on your feet, mayor Winston.

Oh, please, Simone, call me Randall.

After all, we are sister cities now.

Winston.

You snake.

Simone...

How could you?

It's over between us.

Don't make a scene.

Paris is with me now.

Sorry you had to find out this way.

Randall, what's this all about?

I thought we were sister cities, eh?

You're with ottawa?

Well, not in the eyes

of the international community.

I can't believe you're seeing another city

behind my back.

American males are such... Pigs.

Come on, let's go.

I guess neither one of us is going to get Paris.

You know, I think it's time

that we stopped being so competitive

and started treating each other

with a little more respect.

I guess we did get a little ugly.

Well, in fairness, you had a head start.

Boom, I'm back on top!

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Charlie, it is too bad you don't dance.

I am having a great time with Joseph.

Good to hear.

Pass the garlic bread.

Yeah, it's fun,

but his hands do wander a bit.

Ah, you can handle yourself. I trust you.

Good. We're really hitting it off.

I'm glad, 'cause I'm getting ready to take off.

If he can give you a ride home,

that would be sweet.

Super.

Carter, I can't believe this.

I am all over this guy,

and Charlie's not jealous.

He doesn't care about me at all.

Oh, Caitlin, that's not true.

Oh, really? Let's find out for sure.

What are you going to do?

Just sit back and watch.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What is wrong with you?

This guy is perfect. How can you not be jealous?

Well, to begin with, he's hitting on Carter.

So he's gay.

Oh, yeah.

And you knew that?

Oh, yeah.

This must be fun for you.

Oh, yeah.

There you are.

Was that a crazy night, or what?

You tried to make me jealous.

I tried to get you back.

You ended up hitting on a gay guy.

I'm in big trouble, aren't I?

Look, I'm sorry if I took this too far,

but you were playing head games with me.

You're right.

I never used to deal with problems this way.

What's going on with us?

We're new to this.

We're bound to make some mistakes.

So how do we make sure it doesn't happen again?

Someone has got to step up

and take a mature approach in this relationship.

And the smart money's not on me.

From now on, when I have a problem,

I just need for you to be there

and let me talk about it.

I can do that.

And listen.

I can work on that.

You know, in hindsight, hitting on Joseph

might not have been the right way to handle it,

but meeting Carla bothered me,

and when I tried to tell you about it,

you made me feel ridiculous.

It just never occurred to me that you could be jealous

of anyone I've ever dated.

You're on a whole different level.

I've never felt this way about any other woman.

And when I thought you were interested in Joseph,

it drove me nuts.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep,

I had this pain in my chest.

From holding in all that emotion?

Incline bench.

Anyway, are we okay?

Yes.

Come here.

You know, you were something on that dance floor.

Maybe someday I'll show you some of my sexy moves.

And what day would that be?

'Cause I'm free all month.

How's tonight?

Tonight's good.

New York has the world's finest restaurants.

But L.A. has Disneyland.

You boys are pathetic.

All night long you're going after the pretty city.

Now it's late, and you come crawling back to ottawa.

Well, I have one thing to say to you.

Bring it on.

[MAN] Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.

[BARKING]

Moo.