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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:02,534
Who read the papers?
2
00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:09,634
Not the sports...
3
00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:13,033
Not fashion...
4
00:00:13,067 --> 00:00:17,334
And not the comics.
5
00:00:17,367 --> 00:00:21,534
Guys, as city officials,
you need to be better informed.
6
00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:24,868
You gotta make time
for the gossip column.
7
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:27,667
"City hall's own Caitlin Moore
8
00:00:27,701 --> 00:00:29,767
"is being considered
as a guest host
9
00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:31,400
on the 'live with Regis' show."
10
00:00:31,434 --> 00:00:33,400
That's crazy.
11
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,667
No one can fill
kathie Lee's shoes.
12
00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:39,601
From her tv debut
on "name that tune"
13
00:00:39,634 --> 00:00:41,901
through her stint
on "good morning America,"
14
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,767
she has blossomed into the
definitive woman of the '90s.
15
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,033
This is "biography"
on "gay & e."
16
00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,701
Okay, I guess
you all read about it.
17
00:00:52,734 --> 00:00:55,033
A producer saw me speak
at a fundraiser
18
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:57,100
and asked
if I wanted to audition.
19
00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:58,467
What do you guys think?
20
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,133
I think you'd be great.
21
00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:01,567
You'd be wonderful.
22
00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:02,701
Unbelievable.
23
00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:05,367
You're awfully quiet, Charlie.
24
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,834
What do you think?
25
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:09,467
What, you'd be
singing and dancing and stuff?
26
00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:10,934
I guess.
27
00:01:10,968 --> 00:01:13,167
Tell a few jokes,
try some witty banter?
28
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,434
Yeah, that's right.
29
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,033
I think it would kill
the morning talk show format
30
00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:18,367
as we know it.
31
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,634
You'll be w...
32
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,133
you'll sparkle!
33
00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:22,634
You'll sparkle!
34
00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,334
I can't believe
you just said that!
35
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:25,734
It's nothing personal,
36
00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:28,167
it's just that these tv people,
they're clever.
37
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,634
They can think on their feet.
38
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:32,434
Hey, I can think on my feet,
mister...
39
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,667
Wrong...Head.
40
00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,701
That stings.
41
00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:05,467
We got a problem, guys.
42
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,267
Construction crew
found some bones
43
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,067
underneath
the West Side highway.
44
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:13,234
For the last time,
she moved to Florida!
45
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,567
They think
they're dinosaur bones.
46
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:17,434
Paleontologists
want to excavate,
47
00:02:17,467 --> 00:02:19,400
construction workers
want to plow ahead.
48
00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:20,801
I need you two to mediate.
49
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,234
You know I always love to do
extra work,
50
00:02:23,267 --> 00:02:25,567
but I have a deep-seated fear
of bones.
51
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:29,133
I'll have the crew
rub some barbecue sauce on them.
52
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:32,133
The fact is Stuart and I
don't work very well together.
53
00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:34,267
It's nothing personal,
it's just I...
54
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,567
I detest him
with every fiber of my being.
55
00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:40,968
Hey, if you're still mad
about that trust-fall exercise,
56
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,701
get over it.
57
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,767
I was confused.
58
00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:48,334
What was confusing
about "catch Paul"?
59
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,734
Stuart, that was out of line,
60
00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:54,801
but Paul, you should've seen it
coming the second time.
61
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,234
Get on it.
62
00:02:56,267 --> 00:02:58,300
Well, Charlie, because of you,
63
00:02:58,334 --> 00:03:01,467
Caitlin's decided
to go through with the audition.
64
00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,667
Just because I gave her
one honest opinion?
65
00:03:03,701 --> 00:03:05,534
What is it about women?
66
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,701
Guys don't mind
hearing the truth, yeah?
67
00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:11,634
Exactly. It's like if you
asked me about that tie,
68
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:14,234
I'd say, "are you
moonlighting down at the pier
69
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,634
making balloon animals?"
70
00:03:17,701 --> 00:03:20,067
It's no big deal, right?
71
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,934
Whatever!
72
00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:30,300
Uh, sir, I'm concerned
you've been working
73
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,100
a little too hard lately.
74
00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,534
I appreciate your concern,
Carter, but I'm fine.
75
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:35,868
Okay.
76
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:37,567
Could you pass me a cream?
77
00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:39,934
Will you get off my back?!
78
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:41,501
Sir, you need a vacation.
79
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:44,000
Now, I have
an excellent travel agent.
80
00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:45,734
I'll handle the whole thing.
81
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,400
I'll think about it, Carter.
82
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:49,868
But just make sure
it's not like the time
83
00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,534
you took me on a gay cruise.
84
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:54,167
Sir, it was
the staten island ferry.
85
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,567
I don't care who he was,
86
00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:57,801
he should keep his hands
to himself!
87
00:04:05,601 --> 00:04:07,734
Okay, guys, let's get down
to business.
88
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:10,167
You'll both get equal time
to make your case.
89
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,467
We shouldn't hold traffic up
for a bunch of fossils.
90
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:16,334
Done.
91
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,868
Construction guy wins.
92
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,267
Forget the bones.
93
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,868
I was told I'd get equal time.
94
00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:25,167
And I was told this suit
could be machine washed.
95
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,701
Fine, go fix the road,
but this could be
96
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,634
the greatest archaeological find
of the century.
97
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,634
I'm talking major media...
98
00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:34,334
cover of time...
99
00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:35,968
Newsweek...
100
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,701
Fossil monthly.
101
00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:40,367
Can you excuse us for a second?
102
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:44,834
Did you hear that?
We could be famous...
103
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:48,200
like that guy who discovered
the dinosaur bones in Utah...
104
00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:50,167
You know,
Dr. what's-his-name.
105
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,501
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that guy, that guy.
106
00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:54,601
Yeah, I want to be
just like him!
107
00:04:54,634 --> 00:04:56,868
Paul...We're a team.
108
00:04:56,901 --> 00:04:58,567
We're a team.
109
00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:01,868
Maybe they'll name a dinosaur
after us...
110
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,467
you know, a bronto-paulus
or a pterodacty-Paul.
111
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:06,968
Bondek-asaurus.
112
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,067
Ooh, a swing and a miss.
113
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,100
I can't believe
you got the mayor
114
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:14,100
to get on that plane
last night.
115
00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:16,033
After his 12th airport Martini,
116
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:19,601
I was able to convince him that
the big tube was a magic castle.
117
00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:22,534
So, you, uh, still want my help
with this audition?
118
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:24,701
Oh, definitely.
I've got to do well.
119
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:26,601
I want to put Charlie
in his place.
120
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:28,167
Okay.
121
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,400
Let's start
with the coffee cup.
122
00:05:30,434 --> 00:05:33,934
Kathie Lee's mug
was an extension of her.
123
00:05:33,968 --> 00:05:36,267
If you can be comfortable
with the cup,
124
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,434
Regis will be comfortable
with you.
125
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,501
Now...
126
00:05:40,534 --> 00:05:43,200
Say hello to the cup.
127
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,501
What?
128
00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:47,133
It's a performance exercise.
129
00:05:47,167 --> 00:05:48,133
Come on.
130
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:49,133
Hello, cup!
131
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,968
Hello, cup.
Hello, cup.
132
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,234
Hello, cup!
Hello, cup!
133
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,534
Hello, cup!
Hello, cup!
134
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:57,567
Hello...
135
00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,067
don't feel bad.
136
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:05,033
I've always found that mug
to be a little standoffish.
137
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,200
You don't have to
go through with this.
138
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:12,067
It is happening, and I want you
to be there to see it.
139
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,467
Okay.
140
00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:15,467
Bye, cup.
141
00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:18,534
Next order of business...
142
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,901
Regis loves a cohost
who can sing,
143
00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:23,334
and kathie Lee
had an amazing voice.
144
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:27,100
* if...They...Could...
See me now *
145
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,067
* that little gang of mine
146
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,033
* I'm eatin' fancy chow
and drinkin' fancy wine *
147
00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:35,334
* I'd like those stumblebumsto see for a fac *
148
00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:38,734
* the kind of top-drawer,first-rate chums I attrac *
149
00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:40,968
sir, what are you doing?
150
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,734
I had the audio-visual nerds
151
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,501
set up thisvideo-conferencing screen here.
152
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:48,634
I wanted to keep an eyeon things.
153
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,767
So...
154
00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:55,167
What's up?
155
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,667
I'm auditioning as guest host
for "live with Regis."
156
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,901
With your natural charisma,you'd be a first-rate host.
157
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:04,734
You, Caitlin,were born to be on national tv.
158
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,734
Thank you, sir.
159
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,033
Stuart!
160
00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:20,000
He's gone.
161
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,000
Oh!
162
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:22,033
Oh, Mr. mayor.
163
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,100
Oh, I forgot
that you were there.
164
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,901
Well, I'm always herefor my staff, Paul.
165
00:07:26,934 --> 00:07:28,300
What's on your mind?
166
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:30,300
Well, Stuart and I
were supposed to go
167
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,534
to a photo shoot
down at the dinosaur site.
168
00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:35,601
At the last minute, he tells me
that the location has changed.
169
00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:36,934
I don't trust Stuart.
170
00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,567
I have the feeling
that he's trying to box me out
171
00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,801
so he can take the glory
all to himself.
172
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:45,734
Stuart, where were you?!
173
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:48,767
The gym.
174
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,100
I was down
at the bone collector
175
00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:54,934
because you told me that's where
the paleontologists meet.
176
00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:55,934
Honest mistake.
177
00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:58,234
It's a gay bar!
178
00:07:58,267 --> 00:08:01,400
Is that lipstick
on your collar?
179
00:08:01,434 --> 00:08:03,434
I may have lipstick
on my collar
180
00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,667
and suffered
a minor misunderstanding
181
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:07,767
in the men's room,
but that's okay.
182
00:08:07,801 --> 00:08:10,033
That's okay 'cause you,
Stuart bondek,
183
00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:11,534
you're gonna get yours!
184
00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:14,200
Paul lassiter is tired
of being the office joke...
185
00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:16,534
The office fool...
186
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,701
The office...
187
00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:20,367
Jackass.
188
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,167
Thank you.
189
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,534
Walter,I like being your sidekick
190
00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,634
because it's a kick
being by your side.
191
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,267
This is all my fault.
192
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,968
You know, every time
I'm honest with a woman,
193
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,367
it turns out bad.
194
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,534
Why?
What happened last time?
195
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:41,467
This is it.
196
00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:44,934
Caitlin,
we're losing the audio.
197
00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:47,601
Can you adjust your Mike a bit?
198
00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:49,801
Oh, right, sorry.
199
00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:51,801
Oh, my God, she lost a button!
200
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:52,901
I can't look!
201
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:54,300
I'll keep you updated.
202
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,734
Has anyone noticed?
203
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:02,033
Tough to tell.
204
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:06,200
I like this one.
Let's call her back.
205
00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:09,033
What?! They haven't even
listened to her!
206
00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:11,934
This isn't an audition!
It's a peep show!
207
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,167
I know.
208
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,267
It's horrible.
209
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,534
Can we get a zoomon camera three?
210
00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:28,868
Charlie, you've got to talk
Caitlin out of doing that show.
211
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,734
She should know that the star of
that audition was her breasts.
212
00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:34,267
You saw Caitlin's breasts?
213
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:38,534
Why do I have to be the one
to talk to her?
214
00:09:38,567 --> 00:09:41,067
You saw Caitlin's breasts?
215
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,667
She's only doing this
to prove something to you.
216
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,701
Look, I'll be right beside you.
217
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:48,767
They want me to guest host
the show tomorrow.
218
00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:50,834
I guess I killed
at the audition.
219
00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:59,968
About that...Charlie and I
need to tell you something.
220
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,701
What? Me? Now?
221
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:04,000
I'll be right there.
222
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:08,734
Why don't we talk in my office?
223
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:10,400
Bondek, this sounds juicy!
224
00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,801
Wheel me over there!
225
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:17,400
So you made the first cut, huh?
You're gonna be live with Regis.
226
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:18,634
I don't like to brag,
227
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,734
but I guess I have
certain qualities
228
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:22,200
the producers responded to.
229
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,534
A couple.
230
00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,434
Look, you proved to me
that you're good.
231
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:30,167
There's no real reason to go
through with this, is there?
232
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,868
Actually, there is.
233
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:35,000
I've never told anyone
this before,
234
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,634
but back in high school,
235
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:39,467
I tried out
for "Jesus Christ, superstar."
236
00:10:39,501 --> 00:10:41,033
I practiced for weeks,
237
00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:43,968
and when I finally auditioned,
I froze up and forgot my lines.
238
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,267
Did you look at the script?
239
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,367
No, I pulled the fire alarm
and ran.
240
00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:51,100
Christine Scott
ended up getting the part
241
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,734
and I wound up stage manager.
242
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:55,133
Of course, I did bring
the last supper in
243
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:56,467
53% under budget.
244
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,767
I'm guessing
most of the apostles
245
00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:00,067
filled up on rolls?
246
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:02,334
This may seem silly to you,
247
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:05,267
but this is my chance where I
can finally prove to myself
248
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,734
that I can do it...
I can be Christine Scott.
249
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,834
I mean Christine Scott
back then,
250
00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:12,300
because I heard
she turned into a real whore.
251
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:14,868
That's a beautiful story.
252
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:17,501
I'm sure you'll be great.
253
00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:36,200
You'll be reporting to me.
254
00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:38,534
I am the top dog,
the big cheese,
255
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,801
the jumbo shrimp.
256
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,534
Where's Mr. bondek?
257
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,934
Mr. bondek's aunt took ill
258
00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:47,334
with a sudden case
of osteoporosis.
259
00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:51,000
Paul!
260
00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:52,968
I should've known
something was fishy
261
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,834
when you offered
to buy me a soda!
262
00:11:54,868 --> 00:11:57,334
We were supposed to work
together as a team, but no.
263
00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,801
No, all you want to do
is make me the office fool!
264
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:02,033
Well, for once,
I'm the guy in charge,
265
00:12:02,067 --> 00:12:05,067
and you're the guy
chained to the soda machine!
266
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,634
Gentlemen.
267
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,000
Is there a problem here?
268
00:12:11,033 --> 00:12:12,667
No. Why do you ask?
269
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:14,200
When you came in this morning,
270
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,534
you weren't handcuffed
to a vending machine.
271
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,267
Look, guys, this is
a big, high-profile project.
272
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,400
If you can't work together,
I'll give it to someone else.
273
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,400
Oh, no.
274
00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:25,067
No, no, no, no, no.
275
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,901
We'll work together.
276
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:32,667
You need to restock
orange crush.
277
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:43,901
This steak is delicious,isn't it, Carter?
278
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:48,334
Would you pleasepass the salt?
279
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,033
Do we have to do this again?
280
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:03,868
Sir...lt's midnight here.
281
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:07,000
I've worked a long day,
and this is getting ridiculous.
282
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,901
Oh, Carter, relax.
283
00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:10,801
We're on vacation!
284
00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:12,100
No, you' on vacation,
285
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,367
and all you've done
is sit in your room.
286
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,400
Now, uh, this is
for your own good.
287
00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:19,033
No, no, wait...
288
00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:20,200
yes!
289
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:34,234
Never do that to a person.
290
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:37,133
I just want you to get out
and meet people.
291
00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:40,033
Carter, you're usedto seeing me as mayor...
292
00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,534
confident, outgoing,fun at parties.
293
00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:47,968
But deep down,I'm a very shy man.
294
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,667
I didn't know that.
295
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:55,267
This is the first vacationI've taken since my divorce.
296
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,400
Maybe I'm just afraidto be alone.
297
00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:03,667
If you like, I'll...
Stay with you a little longer.
298
00:14:08,267 --> 00:14:09,701
I don't want you to think
299
00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:12,534
that being alone
is a completely negative thing.
300
00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:15,000
A very wise man once wrote,
"in solitude,
301
00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:19,167
a strong mind gains strength
and learns to lean upon itself."
302
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,000
Of course, Henry David Thoreau
held a different...
303
00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:24,968
you know, I'm gonna goget tanked at the pool bar.
304
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:50,167
Now here are Regis philbinand Caitlin Moore!
305
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,501
Thank you very much.
306
00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:53,834
Hello, everybody,
and welcome to our show.
307
00:14:53,868 --> 00:14:56,167
Our guest host today
is New York's very own
308
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,934
Caitlin Moore.
Here she is, everybody.
309
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,667
Well, Caitlin,
how is everything?
310
00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,501
Fine.
311
00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:09,033
We got
a woman of few words here.
312
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:10,400
She's freezing up.
313
00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:13,067
It's Christine Scott
all over again.
314
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,801
That whore!
315
00:15:16,868 --> 00:15:18,701
How's the mayor?
316
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:21,534
Oh, well, this week, he's been
more helpful than usual.
317
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,868
He was out of the office
a lot and, um...
318
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,334
That's pretty funny.
319
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,634
What are you working on
at city hall?
320
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,100
We're trying to get the Yankees
321
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:34,467
to stop serving alcohol
after the seventh inning.
322
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,434
Oh, yeah, I guess the fans get
pretty much out of control, huh?
323
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:39,601
Fans?
I'm talking about the players.
324
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:42,200
R
325
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:44,067
what do you think of this girl?
326
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,601
Full of moxie, isn't she?
327
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:46,601
Yeah!
328
00:15:46,634 --> 00:15:47,601
Thank you.
329
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:49,200
Thank you.
330
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:50,534
That's really great.
331
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,067
Nice to have you here.
332
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,234
Mm, thank you.
333
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,367
[ Bleep ]
334
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,567
Did she just say [Bleep]?
335
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,567
She did.She said [ bleep ]
336
00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:05,234
This is
so [Bleep] embarrassing.
337
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,267
Did I say [Bleep]?
338
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,167
This is a [Bleep] disaster.
339
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300
This is [Bleep] great.
340
00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:15,434
* if...They...Could...
See me now *
341
00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,767
* that little gang of mine
342
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,934
* eatin' fancy chow
and drinkin' fancy wine... *
343
00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:22,934
wait, wait...
344
00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:26,334
she may pull out of this.
345
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:37,767
Lassiter... Australian for dork.
346
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,734
Hey, look,
the reporters are here.
347
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,934
Let's give them a look at us
in action.
348
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,534
Hey, Indiana bones...
What's the update?
349
00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:47,133
It's slow going
on that third vertebra.
350
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,167
We have to be careful
not to break the skeleton.
351
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,767
What, are you kidding me?
352
00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:53,234
I saw "Jurassic park."
353
00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:56,467
You couldn't bring those things
down with bazookas.
354
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,501
What my partner here is saying
355
00:17:00,534 --> 00:17:03,801
is we'd like to see some results
before we're extinct.
356
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:06,501
Zing! Boom! Boom!
357
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:10,367
Guys, I think we may have
a little problem.
358
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,934
Yeah, yeah,
we got a little problem.
359
00:17:12,968 --> 00:17:15,934
The problem is
I don't see a giant dinosaur.
360
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,601
So you take your little brush
and your little hammer
361
00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,400
and get back in the hole.
362
00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:25,567
Okay, it was bad,
but it wasn't that bad.
363
00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:28,234
What are you drinking out of
that cup that you talk to?
364
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,400
You're right.
365
00:17:29,434 --> 00:17:30,467
It was a disaster.
366
00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:31,968
There's no use pretending.
367
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,467
Congratulations!
368
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,367
Oh, get off it!
I was the worst!
369
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,701
What's the big deal?
370
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,067
You don't want to host the show
anyways.
371
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,434
It's not the show.
372
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,968
It's that I got another chance
and I choked,
373
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,400
just like in high school.
374
00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:54,200
It's not like high school.
375
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:55,567
You didn't freeze.
376
00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:57,634
You just swore 50 or 60 times.
377
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,033
You're right.
378
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,968
I never should've done this.
379
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,501
Regis? Excuse me.
380
00:18:12,534 --> 00:18:14,000
Hi. Charlie Crawford.
381
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:17,901
Charlie, yeah, listen...
coffee, light, no sugar...
382
00:18:17,934 --> 00:18:20,901
And bring me a cruller, too,
will ya?
383
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,667
No, I'm from city hall.
384
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,133
Oh, yeah.
385
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:26,934
Hey, this must be
about my helicopter permit
386
00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:28,334
for my apartment.
387
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:30,501
No, I...
I work with Caitlin Moore.
388
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:32,634
She's really upset
about the show.
389
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,667
I was hoping maybe you can
give her a call, you know,
390
00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:38,033
invite her back,
give her another try?
391
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:39,634
Charlie, no problem.
392
00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,734
Sure.
393
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,133
Really?
394
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,801
I'll invite her back.
And you can have my job.
395
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:47,534
And why don't we replace gelman
with a monkey?
396
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:48,868
Hey.
397
00:18:48,901 --> 00:18:49,934
Okay?
398
00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:51,901
I was just hoping for the call.
399
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:54,234
Caitlin is really upset
about the show.
400
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,167
She's been dreaming of this day
401
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,767
ever since Christine Scott
got all the glory
402
00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:01,200
and she got stuck
making the last supper.
403
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:02,601
It's a chick thing.
404
00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:06,367
Look, the only thing that's
gonna make her feel better
405
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,133
is a phone call from you.
406
00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:09,601
What is it, Charlie?
407
00:19:09,634 --> 00:19:11,267
You want a piece of me?
408
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,701
N-n-not really, no.
409
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:13,901
Why not?
410
00:19:13,934 --> 00:19:16,667
You afraid you might
get your dress dirty, Alice?
411
00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,133
You don't want to poke me.
412
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,234
Don't want to poke you?
413
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,767
Why not?!
414
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:23,467
All right.
415
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:26,868
You better phone a friend.
416
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,601
Hey...
417
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,267
What happened to your face?
418
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,934
I got into a massive fistfight
with Regis philbin.
419
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,234
Did he bite you?
420
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,467
Actually, in all the confusion,
421
00:19:43,501 --> 00:19:45,767
I think I might have
bit myself.
422
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:48,734
Guess who just called me
about the show.
423
00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:50,834
The fcc?
424
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:51,934
Regis philbin!
425
00:19:51,968 --> 00:19:53,334
He said I was great!
426
00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:56,033
I was, quote,
"a breath of fresh air."
427
00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,434
So I guess this is
all over now, huh?
428
00:19:58,467 --> 00:19:59,934
This isn't all over
429
00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:02,167
until you say,
"Caitlin is entertaining."
430
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,400
Caitlin is entertaining.
431
00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:05,567
And, "from now on,
432
00:20:05,601 --> 00:20:07,734
I'll keep my opinions
to myself."
433
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:10,534
From now on,
I'll keep my opinions to myself.
434
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:11,934
And, "in the morning,
435
00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:14,567
I usually stuff a tube sock
down my pants."
436
00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,701
I kne it!
437
00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:22,367
Thanks, Charlie.
438
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:29,767
Hey, you got Regis philbin
to call Caitlin.
439
00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:31,801
You're like
a knight in shining armor
440
00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,067
defending the fair maid.
441
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,400
Don't sissy up my fistfight.
442
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,534
Well, I think what you did
for Caitlin is wonderful.
443
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,200
I'm not looking for praise.
444
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:45,367
Bottom line is when philbin left
there, he knew who was boss.
445
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,367
Yeah, right.
446
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,767
By the way, Carter,
447
00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:51,968
how do I get a permit
for a [Bleep] helipad?
448
00:20:58,033 --> 00:21:00,367
You are about to witness
the realization
449
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,601
of a major achievement
for New York.
450
00:21:02,634 --> 00:21:05,033
This would not have been
possible
451
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:08,033
without the tireless efforts
of visionaries
452
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,334
who so often go without credit.
453
00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:14,033
I am, of course, referring
to myself and Mr. lassiter.
454
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:19,367
Let's take a look
at our dinosaur.
455
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.32670
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