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1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:05,803
Claudia's had to have
an emergency appendectomy.
2
00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:09,974
What, did you dip the appendix
in melted butter?
3
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,744
My wife goes under the knife,
and you have the audacity...
4
00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:17,482
damn.
5
00:00:17,516 --> 00:00:21,052
Moving on. The groundbreaking
for the performing-arts center
6
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,821
at the site of
the old produce market
7
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,188
is right on schedule.
8
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:27,458
Is it true some farmers
refuse to move their stalls?
9
00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:28,793
Well, act...
[LAUGHS]
10
00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:30,962
Looks like she's got you
on the rope there, boss.
11
00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,264
Why don't I take over?
12
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,666
That's a good question, sue.
13
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:37,802
All the farmers fully support
the mayor's project.
14
00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:41,006
Each and every farmer
is more than happy to move.
15
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,176
Might want to bib up.
16
00:00:46,512 --> 00:00:49,547
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
17
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:13,772
For those who missed it
18
00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:15,973
at yesterday afternoon's
press conference,
19
00:01:16,008 --> 00:01:18,043
our very own Paul lassiter
was hit in the face
20
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,444
with a rotten tomato...
21
00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,246
That is hysterical!
Ha ha ha!
22
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,747
...and that's a bad thing.
23
00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:24,616
Oh, I'm sorry.
So sorry.
24
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:26,651
Honestly!
Honestly, what kind of a guy
25
00:01:26,685 --> 00:01:29,487
throws a tomato
at another man and runs?
26
00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:32,657
I'll tell you what kind...
a coward! A wuss!
27
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,793
Boy, what I wouldn't give
for five minutes alone
28
00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,961
with that guy...
29
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,568
He'll be here at noon.
30
00:01:43,602 --> 00:01:47,038
Good! You tell him
he is lucky...
31
00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:50,842
lucky... I am taking
an early lunch!
32
00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:53,043
James, we're meeting
with this farmer,
33
00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:54,979
trying to get him
to move his stand.
34
00:01:55,013 --> 00:01:56,681
I'm gonna want you
in there with me.
35
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:58,216
There's a lot
riding on this.
36
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,919
Wow. Thanks, Mike.
I-I'm honored...
37
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:02,020
flattered.
38
00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:04,055
I really don't know
what to say.
39
00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,457
Don't let it
go to your head, Jethro.
40
00:02:06,491 --> 00:02:09,528
You're the only one around
here who speaks hick.
41
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,228
This tomato farmer's
killing us.
42
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:13,230
He's got a 10-year lease
and he won't budge,
43
00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:14,966
and the mayor
breaks ground today.
44
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,701
I passed the site
on my way to work,
45
00:02:16,735 --> 00:02:18,769
and there's a crew
of construction workers
46
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:21,039
standing around
catcalling women.
47
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,507
One of them even knew my name.
48
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:24,976
Actually, that was me.
49
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:29,013
I like to go
to construction sites
50
00:02:29,047 --> 00:02:30,715
to try out new material.
51
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,685
Lastly,
the mayor's been sampled
52
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,921
in a soon-to-be-released
rap song.
53
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,724
They took a sound bite from
that recycling speech I wrote.
54
00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:42,394
"I want you to put your
little cans in the big can!"
55
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,462
Here's theirinterpretation of it.
56
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:45,597
[RAP MUSIC PLAYS]
57
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:47,832
WINSTON:
♪ I want your big cans ♪
58
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:49,300
♪ I want your big cans ♪
59
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:52,804
♪ I want your big cans,big cans, big cans♪
60
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:55,373
[MUSIC STOP]
61
00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:57,976
Has the mayor
heard this yet?
62
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:01,679
♪ I want your big cans,
I want your big cans ♪
63
00:03:01,713 --> 00:03:05,817
♪ I want your big cans,
big cans, big cans ♪
64
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:08,320
Stuart, you left a few things
at my place last night.
65
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,687
Oh.
66
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,757
Your toothbrush...
Your socks...
67
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,194
And your saddle.
68
00:03:19,097 --> 00:03:20,865
[IMITATES HORSE SNORTING]
69
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,633
You guys are unbelievable.
70
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:26,037
How about for once you push
two twin beds together
71
00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:29,507
and do it on your anniversary
like a normal couple?
72
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:33,511
Are we making you jealous,
married boy?
73
00:03:33,545 --> 00:03:36,281
Claudia is not the only woman
I've ever been with,
74
00:03:36,315 --> 00:03:38,183
believe you me.
75
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,051
There's one more.
76
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:42,586
Trust me.
I've sowed my wild oat.
77
00:03:42,621 --> 00:03:44,255
Oh, yeah?
78
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:45,990
Tell us about it.
79
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,293
Well, it was
at a Boston concert
80
00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:49,960
in Chicago back in '79...
81
00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:52,830
And I'm working on
my second wine cooler.
82
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,634
And this girl in a red
leather jacket comes up.
83
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:56,801
She's all over me.
84
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:58,336
Never even got her name.
85
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,171
Red leather jacket, huh?
86
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:00,905
Yeah.
87
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,540
Wait...
front row?
88
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:03,941
Left side of the stage.
89
00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:07,111
BOTH: Right in front
of the bass player...
90
00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:09,347
Oh, my God.
91
00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:12,249
Oh, my God!
92
00:04:12,284 --> 00:04:13,718
[LAUGHS]
93
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,887
You're my oat!
94
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,855
Ha ha ha ha ha!
95
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,491
Hey, Stuart!
96
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:22,359
I had sex
with your girlfriend!
97
00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:26,931
Sir, we're meeting
with the man
98
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,900
who wrote the "big cans" song.
99
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,102
His name is smooth daddy.
He's a popular rapper.
100
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,337
Please, Carter!
101
00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:34,472
I'm not completelyout of touch!
102
00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:35,740
Sorry.
103
00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:37,875
Anyway, he's about to
release a new cd...
104
00:04:37,909 --> 00:04:41,011
a new what?
105
00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:42,580
A new album, sir,
106
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,616
and we're trying to
get him to change the song.
107
00:04:45,651 --> 00:04:48,152
Sir? Smooth daddy's here.
108
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:51,022
Okay, sir, the main thing here
is not to offend him
109
00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:53,558
by playing into any
rapper stereotypes, huh?
110
00:04:53,592 --> 00:04:55,626
Heh. Sup?
111
00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,495
Thanks for coming!
112
00:04:57,529 --> 00:04:58,730
I got something for you.
113
00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:00,898
Gun!!
114
00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,873
Word is you like these.
115
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,975
Oh, cohiba!
116
00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:15,246
I'm, uh, Carter Heywood.
I'm head of minority affairs.
117
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,648
Sup?
118
00:05:17,682 --> 00:05:19,918
Yeah, so...
119
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:22,220
Wow... titaniums.
[WHISTLES] That's nice.
120
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,387
You play?
121
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,523
Yeah! You should come out
to Westchester.
122
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,791
You and I can hit the links.
123
00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:28,459
How about Saturday?
124
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,929
We can talk about changing
the lyrics in your song.
125
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,397
I don't think so...
126
00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:34,899
Gun!!
127
00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:38,570
...but Sunday's good.
128
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:40,671
Great! We're on!
129
00:05:40,705 --> 00:05:43,775
All right.
Catch you... Later.
130
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:46,577
Thanks, Carter.
131
00:05:46,611 --> 00:05:48,646
If you weren't here,
that could've been...
132
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,549
Awkward.
133
00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:54,919
Mr. stepnowski... howdy.
Thanks for coming in.
134
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,221
I'm not moving
my tomato stand.
135
00:05:57,255 --> 00:06:00,224
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You haven't heard our offer yet.
136
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,727
We're willing to pay
your entire relocation cost,
137
00:06:02,761 --> 00:06:05,262
we'll give you tax abatement
for the first year,
138
00:06:05,297 --> 00:06:07,631
and, to sweeten the pot...
139
00:06:07,666 --> 00:06:09,834
A picture of the mayor
of New York City
140
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:14,105
personally
autographed to you...
141
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,407
A loyal supporter.
142
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:19,544
Flaherty, my lawyer says
I got an ironclad lease.
143
00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,646
I make good money
where I am.
144
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,813
I'm not leaving.
145
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,682
I hear ya.
146
00:06:26,818 --> 00:06:29,554
Key chain... Coffee mug.
147
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,556
That's it, now.
148
00:06:32,590 --> 00:06:35,326
And don't go telling the mayor
that I did this.
149
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,428
Mr. stepnowski,
I promise you,
150
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,665
you will sell just as many
vegetables downtown.
151
00:06:40,699 --> 00:06:42,266
The tomato's a fruit.
152
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,268
You go calling it
a vegetable,
153
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,337
you might as well
put me in a miniskirt,
154
00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:47,705
call me a woman.
155
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:50,141
Fruit it is.
156
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:51,475
Hey, Mike.
157
00:06:51,509 --> 00:06:53,744
Sorry I'm late. I...
158
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,080
stepnowski.
159
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:58,082
You know
the vegetable guy?
160
00:06:58,116 --> 00:06:59,383
Fruit guy, Mike.
161
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,255
Back in Wisconsin,
stepnowski and I
162
00:07:04,289 --> 00:07:06,591
used to compete
in the pig contests.
163
00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:08,259
[SNICKERS]
164
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:14,966
I'm sorry...
pig... pig contest?
165
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,267
Where we come from,
166
00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:19,336
we take that kind of thing
pretty serious, mister.
167
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:27,245
I would've taken you
back at swinefest '93...
168
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:29,013
But, nah, you disappeared...
169
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:32,516
vanished without a trace,
never to be heard from again.
170
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,452
I went to college.
171
00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:38,356
Well, you left behind
quite a legacy.
172
00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:40,924
No matter
how many fairs I won,
173
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:42,960
I was always second best...
174
00:07:42,994 --> 00:07:46,263
always in the shadow
of "hog boy" hobert.
175
00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:48,299
Hog boy?
176
00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:52,003
Hey, hey... I bet
you would like a rematch.
177
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,671
You bet I would!
178
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:56,440
No rematch, Mike!
I'm done with pigging!
179
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,276
We win, you move
your vegetable stand.
180
00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,543
Fruit stand.
181
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:01,379
Whatever.
182
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:05,250
Hey, sweet cheeks.
183
00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:08,052
How are the memories?
184
00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:09,821
Scorching.
185
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,925
Scorching.
186
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:16,393
[IMITATES STEAM HISSING]
187
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,165
Hey, uh, listen, Deirdre...
188
00:08:21,199 --> 00:08:24,869
There's this, um, one thing
I wanted to ask you.
189
00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:27,038
It's kind of silly,
but, uh...
190
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:28,605
You know when you, uh...
191
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,908
Had sex with Paul?
192
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,608
[LAUGHING] Right.
193
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:33,878
It's a really dumb question,
but...
194
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:36,647
For some reason,
I just kinda wanna know...
195
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,215
How was he?
196
00:08:38,249 --> 00:08:40,184
Yeah. I mean,
I know the answer already,
197
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:42,086
but I just wanna hear
you say that...
198
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,421
He rocked my world.
199
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:46,256
Oh, God!!
200
00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,392
Trust me, James,
you can do this.
201
00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:51,362
This is farming, Mike.
You don't know this world.
202
00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,931
I don't give you advice
about running the city, do I?
203
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,934
That's why
I'm very little help to you.
204
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,801
It's a pig contest, okay?
205
00:08:57,836 --> 00:08:59,470
What is the big deal?
206
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,438
We take city funds,
we go out,
207
00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:04,375
we buy the biggest,
fattest pig we can find,
208
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:05,776
and we win this thing.
209
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:07,144
It's not like that, Mike.
210
00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:09,113
These are true competitions.
211
00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:11,716
These are
full-fledged pig-offs!
212
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,752
This is the only way we're
gonna get this guy to move.
213
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,955
Now, you've beaten him,
what, five times?
214
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,157
What exactly
is the problem?
215
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,658
[SIGHS]
216
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,430
I was a good pigger, Mike.
217
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:34,171
Hell, I was the best.
218
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,740
But I flew
too high too fast...
219
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:38,743
couldn't handle the success.
220
00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:42,213
Of course, that's when
the drinking started.
221
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,718
Cider?
222
00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:52,490
Two jugs a day.
223
00:09:52,524 --> 00:09:56,194
I squandered
everything I won...
224
00:09:56,228 --> 00:10:00,264
everything my manager
hadn't stolen.
225
00:10:00,298 --> 00:10:05,202
Then came the bus crash.
226
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,339
Wait a minute...
I saw this.
227
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:11,475
Vhl... "behind the pigs."
228
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:17,181
This isn't funny, Mike, okay?
I did something bad.
229
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:22,419
We're not talking
"deliverance" bad, are we?
230
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:25,355
Look, Mike, I really don't
wanna talk about this.
231
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:27,791
I don't wanna talk
about this, either,
232
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:30,194
but I have got
a pig-off in 24 hours!
233
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,029
Now, tell me what happened.
234
00:10:32,063 --> 00:10:33,531
No.
235
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,800
[IMITATES PIG CALL]
Tell me!
236
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:45,142
I hit a pig!
237
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,748
That's it?
That's the bad thing?
238
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,650
Tell you what...
I'll make a deal with you.
239
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:54,852
You do this for me,
240
00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:57,254
when we build that
performing-arts center,
241
00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,323
we will name it
after you.
242
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,691
It'll be called
243
00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:05,063
the James hobert
performing arts center?
244
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,498
Around the office, it will.
245
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,081
Oh, my God.
Look at this place.
246
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:26,384
It's a pigsty!
247
00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:32,089
Can we just hurry up
and pick a pig?
248
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:34,458
I've got to get back
to the city to...
249
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,727
Buy new shoes.
250
00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,028
How about that one?
251
00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:40,765
Mike, you just don't take
the first pig
252
00:11:40,799 --> 00:11:42,700
that waddles up to you.
253
00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:45,402
This isn't
a fraternity party.
254
00:11:48,073 --> 00:11:50,775
James, I don't know what kind
of fraternity you went to,
255
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:53,077
but that is an awful way
to talk about women.
256
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,780
Who's talking about women?
257
00:11:55,814 --> 00:11:57,582
[PIG GRUNTING]
258
00:11:57,616 --> 00:12:00,485
Let's just take this one.
259
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:04,522
No, no, no, no, no.
That one's too smart.
260
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:06,524
Too lazy...
261
00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:08,392
Too old...
262
00:12:08,426 --> 00:12:11,462
Oh, bad body image.
263
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:12,997
Wait a minute, Mike.
264
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,732
Do you see what I see?
265
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,871
Another pig?
266
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:24,041
No, Mike, not just
another pig... our pig!
267
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,677
Hey, buddy! Come here!
268
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:29,146
Yeah! What do you
say about that?
269
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:31,716
[GRUNTING]
270
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:35,419
[LAUGHS]
271
00:12:35,453 --> 00:12:40,457
Oh, I get it...
you're like a pig whisperer.
272
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:46,763
That mansion of yours
sure is phat.
273
00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:48,299
What?
274
00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,533
You know, phat.
275
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:51,768
Oh, I see!
"Phat" means "cool."
276
00:12:51,803 --> 00:12:53,437
Yeah, yeah!
That's right.
277
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:56,073
Well, then...
After we were married,
278
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,774
my wife got really cool.
279
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:04,515
In fact, she had to go
to a cool camp.
280
00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:08,519
She is really overweight.
281
00:13:08,553 --> 00:13:09,720
[LAUGHS]
282
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,756
Oh, God.
283
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,758
Yeah, well,
I should get going.
284
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:19,163
Fellas.
285
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:25,202
Did you see how
he did that "fellas" thing?
286
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:27,738
I want a posse.
287
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,674
Sir, you have one...
288
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,909
me, Stuart, James, Paul.
289
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:36,113
That's kind of
a lame posse, Carter.
290
00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:41,218
Uh, sir, about smooth...
291
00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:43,087
I don't know if it's
a good idea for you
292
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:44,521
to be seen with him
in public.
293
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,390
It may hurt you
with your female voters.
294
00:13:46,424 --> 00:13:47,658
What do you mean?
295
00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:49,760
He took me out of his song,
like we asked.
296
00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:51,996
Sir, that wasn't
his only song.
297
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:55,065
His last love ballad
was called "you my ho."
298
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,335
[LAUGHING] What's so
offensive about that?
299
00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,403
"Ho" means "whore."
300
00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:00,905
I did not know that.
301
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:04,875
Go! Come on! Yeah!
302
00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:06,143
How's he doing?
303
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,012
Well, his form and style
are excellent,
304
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:11,949
but his execution...
a little Canadian.
305
00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:15,953
I think the judges are gonna
take off points for that.
306
00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,555
Really?
307
00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:20,791
It's a freakin' pig-off!
How the hell do I know?!
308
00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:22,926
Yay! Yay! Yay!
309
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:26,430
A 10?
310
00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:28,765
You're giving him
a perfect 10 for that?
311
00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:30,200
That's out of 12.
312
00:14:30,235 --> 00:14:31,902
Why 12?
313
00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:35,306
'Cause the first pigging judge
in Wisconsin had 12 fingers.
314
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:38,775
Get out of here.
What a freak!
315
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:43,180
He was my pappy!
316
00:14:45,950 --> 00:14:48,118
Okay, Mike, I'm ready.
317
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:50,421
James, you look very handsome.
318
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:51,988
I've seen this before,
Caitlin.
319
00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:53,824
You're just in love
with the uniform.
320
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,827
Son, you're up.
321
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,729
Get out there
and win this thing.
322
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:02,099
ALL: Win! Win! Win!
323
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,835
Win! Win! Win! Win!
324
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,137
Win! Win! Win!
325
00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:07,538
Win! Win! Win!
326
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,773
Win! Win! Win!
327
00:15:09,807 --> 00:15:12,109
Win! Win! Win!
328
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,810
Win! Win! Win!
329
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:16,280
Win! Win! Win!
330
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:17,448
[SQUEALS]
331
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,516
Oh!Oh!
332
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,385
Come on!
333
00:15:21,419 --> 00:15:24,287
[PANICKY]
I can't do this, Mike!
334
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:25,889
I can't! I can't!
335
00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:28,325
James, come back!
James!
336
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,461
Okay, what part of me
expected a pig-off
337
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:31,896
to go smoothly?
338
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,931
Don't talk to me.
339
00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:35,566
Okay. All right.
340
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,667
But I was thinking...
341
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:41,438
If I were a candy bar,
what kind would I be?
342
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,741
Oh, I know... a snickers.
You know why?
343
00:15:44,775 --> 00:15:47,778
'Cause snickers
really satisfies.
344
00:15:47,812 --> 00:15:50,214
Paul, I'm kinda busy.
345
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:54,818
What? No zinger?
No snappy comeback, huh?
346
00:15:54,852 --> 00:15:57,721
You know why?
'Cause our dynamic has changed.
347
00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,957
I'm the unstoppable
sex machine,
348
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,625
and you're the office joke!
349
00:16:01,659 --> 00:16:04,161
Come on! Come on!
Insult me! Come on!
350
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,463
Come at me! Come on!
Just try it!
351
00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:07,497
Okay!
352
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:08,833
Paul...
353
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:12,336
The guy who owns that
all-you-can-eat buffet called.
354
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,704
He gives.
355
00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:15,639
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
356
00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,876
[LAUGHING] That's funny.
357
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:23,346
I had sex
with your girlfriend.
358
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,349
You're a jackass!
359
00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:29,019
A jackass who
had sex with your girlfriend.
360
00:16:29,053 --> 00:16:30,253
Are you finished?
361
00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,126
[LAUGHING] That's what
when we were having sex.
362
00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:40,531
So... Where's hog boy?
363
00:16:40,565 --> 00:16:43,900
Oh, he'll be right back.
364
00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:47,237
He just wanted to, uh...
Catch the end of the, uh...
365
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:49,439
Sheep shot put.
366
00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:57,681
Yeah, I knew he'd turn tail.
That's a forfeit, Flaherty.
367
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,618
Me and my tomatoes
are staying put.
368
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:01,852
Not so fast!
369
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,887
I'd like to make a substitution.
370
00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,824
Are you substituting
under the flanders rule
371
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,258
or the McMahon rule?
372
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:09,760
What's the difference?
373
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:14,231
Under flanders, you gotta
rassle a pig buck naked.
374
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:15,799
I'm going with McMahon.
375
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:24,307
Mike, what are you doing?
He'll wipe the floor with you.
376
00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:26,644
And look at this floor!
377
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,345
You're right, you're right.
378
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,848
I'm gonna go find James.
You stall him.
379
00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:32,182
But how?
380
00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:35,719
You know, the flanders thing
sounds good.
381
00:17:39,123 --> 00:17:40,056
Yo, Randy.
382
00:17:40,091 --> 00:17:41,758
Hey, smooth!
383
00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,694
Brought you a copy
of the new cd.
384
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:44,494
The new what?
385
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,064
The new album.
386
00:17:47,098 --> 00:17:49,366
Hey, phat!
387
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,635
Listen, my people think
it's bad for my image
388
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,370
to be seen
hanging out with you.
389
00:17:53,404 --> 00:17:54,805
It's not personal.
390
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:56,073
It's a business thing.
391
00:17:56,107 --> 00:18:00,611
Well, I guess
this is it, then.
392
00:18:00,645 --> 00:18:03,647
Randy, listen...
I want you to have this.
393
00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:05,749
[CHUCKLES]
394
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:08,685
Thank... thank you, smooth.
395
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,062
Catch you later, homo!
396
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:28,038
That's "hom-ey."
397
00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:31,475
Right!
398
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:34,444
James...
399
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,546
I know what you're
gonna say, Mike.
400
00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:37,815
I'm brave and I'm strong,
401
00:18:37,849 --> 00:18:40,284
and if I look deep inside
myself, I can do this.
402
00:18:40,318 --> 00:18:42,386
You're not a kid anymore,
James.
403
00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:44,588
I'm gonna give it
to you straight.
404
00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:47,691
The biggest city in the world
is counting on you.
405
00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:49,693
Not m not the mayor...
you.
406
00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:51,929
Now, put your
little issues aside,
407
00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:54,231
go out there
and do your job.
408
00:18:57,535 --> 00:18:59,603
[SOBBING]
409
00:18:59,637 --> 00:19:02,806
I-I... I was just
trying something new.
410
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,244
You're brave, you're strong,
and whatever else you said.
411
00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:08,245
Okay?
412
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,214
Today is the day
413
00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:14,985
that the hog boy...Becomes the hog man.
414
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,359
Oh, we're screwed!
415
00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,861
Either step up or forfeit!
416
00:19:24,896 --> 00:19:26,696
Okay, okay, okay!
417
00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:28,732
Address the pig.
418
00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:30,734
Right.
419
00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:33,703
Hello, pig.
420
00:19:33,738 --> 00:19:37,140
No, no, no... address the pig.
Stand beside him.
421
00:19:37,174 --> 00:19:40,477
Okay, little piggy.
Go to market.
422
00:19:41,912 --> 00:19:47,050
["CHARIOTS OF FIRE" THEME
PLAYS]
423
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:08,705
[NO AUDIO]
424
00:20:34,131 --> 00:20:35,098
Yay! Yay! Yay!
425
00:20:51,582 --> 00:20:54,851
But how, how, how k...
could you sleep with Paul?
426
00:20:54,885 --> 00:20:56,219
Look, I was drunk...
427
00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:58,655
I didn't know
a soul in Boston...
428
00:20:58,689 --> 00:21:00,857
No, no, no.
No, it was Chicago.
429
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:03,360
It was a Boston concert
in Chicago.
430
00:21:03,394 --> 00:21:05,529
It was a Chicago concert
in Boston!
431
00:21:05,563 --> 00:21:07,598
I've never even been
to Chicago!
432
00:21:07,632 --> 00:21:09,365
Then maybe it wasn't you.
433
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,567
I guess not.
434
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:11,968
Huh.
435
00:21:12,002 --> 00:21:13,070
Huh.
436
00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:16,205
I was wondering how
you lost 300 pounds.
437
00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:20,144
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
438
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:21,345
(Barking)30194
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