Original subtitles

♪ And I miss you ♪

♪ Like the deserts miss the rain ♪

♪ And I miss you ♪

♪ Like the deserts miss the rain ♪

Caenis!

You've changed.

What are you doing here?

But I... I...

I didn't come back to the compound.

You dishonor the gods and your tribe.

Vero.

Mom?

There was a guy.

There was a guy, uh...

Where's, uh...

Where's the guy?

Oh...

Wha...?

What have I done?

What the fuck have I done?

What have you done?

Chocolate or plain?

Okay, there was cheese. I already ate the cheese. I'm sorry.

Man, you got messy last night.

Want to get your wife back? Yeah?

Then you need to get your strength up. Here.

Mm! Nutritious!

I thought I dreamt you.

All right, sit down. Sit down. Come on.

I... I can...

I can really...

...get Riddy back without dying?

Yes. Yes.

But... we have to move quick.

Before she goes through the Frame.

Can passengers make their way to the bridge deck

for an orientation video from our Lord Hades?

The one guarantee that comes with life?

It ends.

As far as human beings are concerned,

death is the only thing they can be sure of.

Now, some of you will be scared.

Some of you will be angry.

You didn't think it was your time perhaps, but be comforted by this.

Your devotion to the gods, to me and my family, is about to pay off.

So I say, fuck them.

Did you hear me?

I defy them.

I defy the gods.

The better you serve us and the Earth you just left,

the more glorious your next life will be.

Your ferry is currently crossing the River Styx.

This is the body of water that takes you from Earth to the underworld.

We will be here at the port,

ready to guide you towards the next stage of your journey at the River Lethe,

where our friendly divers will help you pass easily into the water

and make your way through...

The Frame.

I made it.

I made it for you

to allow your atoms to return joyfully to the Earth.

Do not mourn life. You are returning to it.

Welcome back to the underworld.

Everything's going to be okay.

Okay. Uh... hey, you still there?

Hello?

- Hello? - What? Uh, yes.

Yes. Yes, I'm here.

Am I on speaker?

No.

Pull!

Yep...

Uh, anyway, we're gonna send a message to the monument shitters, right?

- So... - Yes?

Okay, uh...

Is it done? You trained more divers?

No.

No, first of all, we're working on the selection process.

I'm sorry? What?

Why would you need a selection process?

Just, uh, move people.

- Right? - Zeus.

- With the greatest respect... - I knew I was on speaker.

- It's not easy to find new divers. - What?

All underworld workers who applied to be divers and were found appropriate

have been accepted and trained.

We are looking at substandard quality if we recruit more now.

So? We don't have time for this.

I don't care if they apply, if they're appropriate.

It's fucking crowd control, Persephone. It's not art.

Get more divers today.

Pull!

It might not be art, but it is a skill.

Zeus, taking those human souls through the Frame

is a complex and delicate process.

We cannot, for the preservation of the integrity of the underworld,

allow standards to...

Hello?

Consider it done.

What...

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, good. Good.

Um, hey, while I've got you, uh, did either of you happen to see my watch?

I've been...

And they hang up.

You are working too hard.

What will your next life be, do you think? What are your hopes?

Um... I, uh...

I don't... I don't know.

Not waste it?

Why? How about you?

Well, I was an Olympia sacrifice.

Wow. Okay.

So I imagine something of a step-up.

I wanted to be a tacita, but, sadly, wasn't called.

I served Hera, nevertheless.

I trained to remove their tongues to honor her.

And I never married, of course.

Mm. That was by choice?

Yes.

- By choice. - Mm-hmm.

You're very young.

How did you die?

Well, I, uh, got hit by a truck after I said I defied the gods,

so probably coming back as a dog or a stone or something.

Who knows, right?

I see.

- Well, good luck to you. - Mm.

Vero.

Fuck.

Fuck! We're gonna die!

Look, I can't die.

I'm not gonna let you die, okay? You're fine.

How do I know that?

And how do I know you're who you say you are?

Dionysus, I mean.

The gods have been on Earth the whole time.

You don't know unless we tell you. We have to want you to know.

You gotta trust.

Gotta have faith.

Can you do that?

No!

♪ I am the passenger ♪

- ♪ I stay under glass... ♪ - No! No! No!

No! No, no!

You had a gun to your head last night. Just relax.

Whoo-hoo!

No!

♪ Over the city's ripped backsides... ♪

Fuck! Oh, fuck!

Keep your eyes open.

Sweet!

Well done. That was great. That was really good.

Hey! Hey. What, what...

Hey, it's okay. I just, uh, had to be sure.

Why are you helping me?

There's nothing wrong with being slightly lightweight, Dionysus.

'Cause I like your music.

Now come back here and tell me about your girl!

All handlers required at the dock.

Please report for duty.

Welcome to Asphodel.

Please form an orderly queue and make your way through the turnstiles.

I only want to see five lines!

And I want those lines straight. Dogs ready?

These are working cerberus dogs.

Please do not attempt to stroke them.

Let's get a move on!

Step out, please.

Come on.

Hey, easy. Easy. Fotis.

Fotis. Come on. Let's go.

Uh, step out, please.

- Why? - It's okay. Stay calm.

- What are they barking at? - This way, please.

Where are you taking me? I'm still being renewed, right?

- Someone will explain everything as soon... - Can you just tell me?

Where are we going? Why can't you just tell me?

It'll be okay. I promise.

Come on.

You know I said my plan to bring Zeus down involves three humans?

This is the second.

Caeneus died ten years ago. You saw how.

Like Riddy, he is completely unaware

of his cosmic significance.

Good boy. Good boy.

He woke up thinking today would be like every other in the underworld.

That, as usual, he would focus solely on the past

and ignore the present.

Let's go.

But that changes today.

Personnel, make yourselves ready.

Caeneus, Prue, congratulations. You've been promoted.

My name is Medusa, and you're going to be trained as divers.

I don't want to be a diver.

- Excuse me? - I didn't apply. I never apply.

I did. I got rejected lots of times.

- I know. - Oh, this is wonderful!

I'm a good handler.

No, you're not.

But I still don't appreciate people stealing my staff.

Persephone's orders, Charon.

Look, I'm waiting for someone.

- Who? - His mother.

Oh. Oh, I did wonder.

- He's very private. - Everyone's waiting for someone.

- I'm not. - You're here to work.

No. I don't want to go. I'm staying.

Now, this is interesting.

I mean, you seem to be laboring

under the sweet misunderstanding that there's an element of choice here.

What about our dogs?

Divers don't use dogs.

Sorry.

I'm more of a cat person.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Are you the Medusa? As in...

- Wha... Why didn't I turn to stone? - 'Cause you're fucking dead.

Oh.

Come on, today! Let's go!

I'll visit. I promise.

Look out for her, okay?

Let's go.

His name's Fotis.

- It means "light." - I don't care.

Keep moving, please!

Nothing to worry about.

Where are we going? Are we going to the Frame?

- I thought we were going to the Frame. - Me too.

And me.

- Are we not? - It's just a bit of admin. Keep moving.

If this is about what I said at the temple I've...

Move along, please!

Admin?

- Why is there admin in the underworld? - Move along, please!

We're still being renewed, right?

♪ That's what you have to do ♪

♪ And your wishes will all come true ♪

♪ Tell 'em what the wizard says ♪

♪ Tell 'em what the wizard says ♪

♪ All you have to do Is snap your fingers ♪

♪ Make a wish and snap your fingers ♪

♪ That's what you have to do ♪

♪ And your wishes ♪

♪ Will all come true! ♪

- Where are we? - Exactly where you need to be!

- Hey! What are you doing? - Yeah. There's a line here!

Hey! This man's competing, Patricia.

- Well, I... I what? - How's he know my name?

- Was that Orpheus? - Who?

Hey!

Get in there.

Hey. It's me, baby. I'm back.

Oh yeah!

Who are you?

- I, um... - Hey, Poly.

Um, he's with me.

Table one.

Welcome to The Cave.

Is this a joke?

- I'm sorry? - The Cave.

You brought me to The Cave.

Fuck you.

The Cave is famous... but not in a good way.

It's a place where desperate people come to try to gain access to the underworld.

- There is an audience. It's a sport. - Cave! Cave! Cave!

But it always ends in failure.

- Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey. - Look.

I don't know who or what you are, okay? And I don't care.

I didn't come here to be humiliated.

Is that clear?

Humiliated? How'd you figure that?

It's a scam. Everybody knows it's a scam. Nobody gets people back.

Nah, but that's just not true.

It's entirely possible to get people back. No one's done it before, but you can!

Okay? I know you can.

Your love is greater than death.

What do I have to do?

It's a quiz!

Baby, it's a quiz!

Okay.

Dionysus, you f... little shit.

Let's talk to one of the others.

Uh, hello? Ares.

Hey, it's Pop.

I think I'm leaving a message on your, uh, machine.

How are you, kid?

Uh, callin' to see if you're around, and see if you're...

I don't know, still mad at me?

Uh, anyway, I... I... I need some help.

Um, did you, by any chance,

happen to catch that debacle in Heraklion with the monument the other day?

Did it... Did it hurt your feelings? It sure did mine.

Okay, bye.

Well, interesting.

Okay.

Ring, ring, ring.

Wow. Nobody fuckin' home?

What is this?

Uh, hi, Athena.

Hey, it's Pop-Pop.

Um...

Do you want to do some work? Mm, some myth-making?

Hello? Hello?

Uh, Apollo... It's, uh... It's Dad.

Um, hello, Aphrodite. It's Daddy.

Artemis? Um, this is Papooza.

Is anybody fuckin' there? Are they listening to these messages?

You know, the Papooza.

Hermes! Pick up the phone!

Fuckin' family.

Zeus is constantly disappointed by his children.

Fuckers.

Here. Here! Bam!

So in his infinite wisdom, he always has a few more cooking on Earth.

- Ooh. Ooh! - Yeah!

The baby.

You can do whatever you like. You can't harm it.

What's it gonna be? What's it gonna do?

Great things.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Uh...

Oh shit. I think that's my parents.

Fucking hell.

Oh.

For my pregnant beauty, Spartan ribs.

Trojan gin.

Don't tell me there can't be peace on Earth.

Ah. Okay. Very funny.

I thought you were gonna be my dad.

Who's here?

That's not funny.

Zeus.

- Who's... - What are you talking about?

No. No.

No.

Hello.

Who are you?

I'm his wife, little one.

Now, look.

Well done. I mean, pfft, you are an extremely promising fuck.

And you're very pretty. I mean, I... I absolutely see the appeal.

- But we agreed. - Oh...

No more kids.

Sorry.

Help me.

What the fuck is happening?

Hera, is this necessary?

Uh, no, not really.

Zeus, why? Why do you want a baby?

Your wrinkle?

It's not a new wrinkle.

Oh god!

No, no, no...

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down.

Please. Don't kill me, please.

I'm not going to kill you. No, no.

Nothing so unimaginative.

Please, please...

It's gonna be fun. There's a whole gang of you.

- Do it. - Um...

Please, just this one. Then no more. I promise.

- Just... - No.

- Hera. Hera... - No. All of them.

All of these half-breeds, they just take up too much.

It's vulgar, it's paranoid, and it's... human.

You don't need them.

Now, I'm gonna make us a drink.

When I get back, I want that dead.

See? I told you there was a gang.

♪ I climbed the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Walked in a London shower ♪

♪ But I get lost Finding my way to your heart... ♪

Why is everybody lookin' so fuckin' content down here?

♪ Where Cinderella's magical slipper is ♪

♪ I'm a whiz ♪

♪ I took a trip to Dallas ♪

♪ Slept in a prince's palace ♪

How...

Why... You're still almost totally nude.

Here.

That's better. I want to run something by you.

I was just down on Earth.

Incognito mode, of course.

And, um, very human person that I saw down there

was conspicuously, uh... convivial.

Not scared.

And when they're not scared, they're not worshiping me.

So, why...

So why would that bother you?

Not worshiping, it never used to bother you before.

- Prometheus. - What?

- I've never had that before. - Ah...

No, I'm... No, no, no. I'm weakening, and they can sense it.

So I think things need to go back to the old days,

where everybody down there is always on edge.

I've been so lax about it.

I'm just gonna go into a full wipeout mode.

And indiscriminate. I haven't done that for a while.

I'm gonna take out, like, you know, I think half.

Half what? Half the world?

I'm gonna fuckin' shock 'em.

I'm gonna petrify 'em and demoralize 'em into submission.

Remember when you killed all our ants? Remember when we were kids?

One of them bit you, and you burnt them all,

and then you wept for a week.

No, I don't recall weeping.

Yeah, you did.

And then there was the puppy. Hestia.

- Your daddy ran her over with a cart. - Come on.

Now, listen. You loved her.

You loved that puppy. You did.

You loved her back to life, and she stayed with you forever after.

This is true.

This is the old Zeus, the one I believed in.

There are many roads to worship, Zeus. You know that. Love can do a lot.

You set the scene. You control the narrative.

- You tell the stories... - Hang on.

That's your answer to all this?

You think that I should be telling 'em stories?

I'm just saying you don't need to destroy everything in order to control...

Look.

I do what I can to protect you.

I managed to set up a couple of things before I ended up here, but I am...

...limited.

God, I miss the Earth.

More than you could possibly imagine.

Come on, Riddy.

Move. Go on.

Welcome!

Right. Vests off, please. Nobody's going in the water today.

It's not on.

It... Is it...

How can I turn this on? This...

Can you turn this on?

Okay, so, bit of a shock with the dogs, wasn't it?

Yeah, you're probably wondering why you're here.

Why are we?

Well, you've all been buried or cremated without coins.

- Uh, it means that you, uh... - What?

You can't go through the Frame and renew.

Fuck you, Geri!

Who's Geri?

My sister.

The important thing is not to feel shame.

Just take your time to come to terms with what's happened.

You got plenty of time now.

Sorry, uh, excuse me. I... I think that there's been a mistake.

No, there hasn't.

Well, um, yes, there... there has.

My husband was my coin bearer.

So?

So he would never bury me without one.

He would never do that.

- Mm... - I... No offense. Um...

I'm trying to tell you that there's been a mistake.

There are no mistakes.

Not here.

Oh. Okay.

So then this shit show is just a front, is it?

This doesn't look anything like the video, so...

There are no mistakes.

Yes?

What happens to us now?

Well, there's everything. There's a games room, a canteen, a bar.

You've got a couple of basketball courts. Uh, you get your own living quarters.

Everything you need.

But... what do we do?

Well, you work.

You'll be allocated an appropriate sector in a few days.

No way. I, um... I have to renew.

Uh, I have to. My whole childhood was given to the gods.

They... they took my mom.

I need to start again. I think that they owe me a new life.

The gods owe you nothing.

So, we stay... like this?

- Mm-hmm. - For how long?

Only 200 years.

Then you get your chance.

Praise Hades and his generosity.

Vero.

She'll be back.

This is gonna be fun.

Service, please.

- Tell me I'm doing the right thing. - You're doing the right thing.

- Louder. - You're doing the right thing.

Louder, man! Fuckin' louder!

- You're doing the right... - Yeah!

Entrance fee?

Uh, I don't, uh...

Shit, I don't have my wallet.

My friend might...

I don't really carry cash.

- Sorry. - Uh, hold on. Hold on.

My wedding ring.

Would this do?

Yeah, okay.

That's very fucking romantic.

Did you change your shirt?

- Who are they? - They're the Fates.

They set the questions. They keep the score... on several levels.

Welcome, players!

Yeah! Yeah!

My name is Polyphemus, Keeper of The Cave.

This afternoon, we have three contestants.

All playing for the chance to cheat death

and bring back someone from the underworld.

Oh yeah!

Of course, uh, entry is just the beginning. Ah...

You have a bit to do when you get down there as well.

If you get down there.

Good luck to you all!

- What happens now? - Focus.

Are you ready?

Yes!

Yes! Come on!

Yeah!

Round one.

Please mark every freckle, mole, and blemish of your loved one.

Whoa!

Oh fuck.

Uh...

Next stop, River Lethe.

As you are all aware, divers are required

to ease the passage of newly dead across the River Lethe.

You're going to be taught how to organize and run this process.

There's many facets to it, and it looks a lot easier than it is.

Excuse me!

Coming through! Excuse me.

- Please form an orderly queue... - Move, please.

- Thank you. - The divers are here to help.

Please treat them with respect.

Aggression towards divers will not be tolerated.

Come on, people. Keep it moving. Let's go, come on.

Please form an orderly queue and make your way through the turnstiles.

The divers are here to help you. Please treat them with respect.

All right, listen up.

No one can be forced into the water or through the Frame.

Free will isn't great from an efficiency perspective,

so that's where you come in.

Divers are essential.

You guide, you support, you listen.

You get people into the water and through the Frame, on towards Renewal.

- You got that? - Yes, yes.

- Don't fuck it up. - I won't.

Good.

What happens if we do fuck it up?

You'll be working Children's Renewal.

And then there were two.

Okay. Next round.

You.

Tell me all about your boy.

Tell us why you should be chosen

to get him back from the underworld.

Um...

Ah...

You must not speak.

- What the fuck is he doing? - I don't know.

Hmm.

- One, two... - Three.

Oh shit.

No. No, no.

Don't worry.

And you... will sing of your love.

Also without your voice.

Oh! Yes! Over there!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah. Go, go, go.

Sorry, pal.

- Hey, hey! - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Up. Into the water, through the Frame.

Okay? Some people can't swim, right?

So you just have to guide them. That's why you're divers.

I chose you specifically for that reason.

And I'm very good with people.

Good.

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no.

People without coins are unable to pass through the Frame.

Oh, dear.

The water simply won't rise to meet them.

They're trapped.

Told you he was good.

Oh! What the fuck?!

What the fuck?!

This man, friends...

this man has done something wrong.

Haven't you?

Tell them.

I haven't. I haven't.

Thank you.

Fuck!

- Please tell them what you did, Orpheus. - Tell the truth, Orpheus.

We can't help you if you don't tell the truth.

I... I... I...

Yes? Good start.

What has he got in his pocket?

What has he got in his pocket?

What is this?

What is this?

My wife's coin.

Shame on you.

Because I love her!

Because I needed her to stay

so I could go and find her so we could be together.

Selfish prick!

We were gonna have a family! I was never gonna leave her there!

Please.

Please.

Game over.

Congratulations, table two.

You may enter the underworld and attempt to find your son.

I'm bored. Let's go play some pool.

Come on.

Riddy...

Oh, she's so upset.

Caeneus.

Caeneus!

Caeneus!

Hey.

You. You put me here.

No. No, I... I... I didn't. Uh...

I'm, uh... I'm the same.

Buried without a coin.

And I've been here too, so many times,

trying to get past this point in the river.

My husband took my coin.

He didn't even let me die without him. Unbelievable, right?

If it makes you feel any better, I think my mom took mine.

It doesn't.

I'm sorry.

Two hundred years, right? That's what they said?

Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

It gets better. I promise.

Little does Riddy know, she is exactly where she needs to be

and has met exactly who she needs to meet.

I'm sorry.

No.

It was an act of love.

What can we do... to... to get him in? There's gotta be something.

Well, perhaps, for you, Dionysus,

we could take two into the underworld.

Nothing's impossible. But it will cost.

Of course. Anything.

No, not you. Him.

Ticktock. Ticktock. Ticktock. Ticktock. Ticktock.

Oh. Oh! Uh...

Oh no, that's, uh... Yeah.

- Maybe... maybe not. - What?

No, it's just... It's not mine. It's, uh...

It's not special. It's just a... It's just a watch.

Then what's the problem?

Okay.

Now what? Where am I?

I know what I'm doing.

I've got a two-phase plan.

Drink your Meander water.

- No, thanks. - No...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. "No"? "No, than"...

- Every time there's something. - Okay.

"No, thanks." Come on. I got you that fun, gold, bendy straw.

- Nice. - It matches your Grecian key.

Dri... Drink.

There you go. There you go. Okay.

Phase one, natural disasters.

Ooh. That's gonna get the folks down there real respectful, real quick.

Phase two. Now, this is a tip of the hat to you, old bean.

Uh, stories. Thank you. Stories are the best.

I tell 'em stories to get 'em to hate each other, Trojan-War style.

Oh, yeah. I wheedle my way

into their tender and bouncy little hearts,

turn them inky black.

If woven correctly,

uh, pretty soon, one asshole is tempted to steal another asshole's wife.

Then, by and by, somebody burns up his kid and hopes for a favorable wind.

Then it's just a hop and a jump to a ten-year conflict,

which they think they want.

- And what have I done? - Nothing.

You know, it needs to be like that all over the world, all the time.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Where's your watch? - Huh?

Oh, um... I... I don't know. I can't find it.

Ah. Okay.

No, no, no. "Okay"? Wait a minute.

What do you mean? You mean something. You're thinking.

No, I don't. Nothing.

- I'm sorry. Come on. The phases. - Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- What? - Um...

Yeah, right.

What?

- Right. - What?

Hercules said that that watch was actually lucky.

Hey. It saw him through his 12 labors.

It should see me through my two phases.

- First, I find the watch. - Okay.

And then I launch into that plan.

- Good idea. - Okay.

That's my price.

Look, I... I have to get her back, I have to make things right.

Please. Please. I'll be the first to bring someone out of the underworld.

I will. I swear I will.

My love is greater than death.

I'll prove it.

Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. Uh, it's, um... Yep.

- Take it. Take it. - Thank you.

Thank you.

According to myth, no one has ever made it back from the underworld.

Come on. Follow me.

But, as Zeus, of all people should know, never trust a myth.

♪ Heaven ♪

♪ Don't ever think that you'll get in ♪

♪ They'll leave you standing In your own skin ♪

♪ Hollerin' as dust returns to dust ♪

♪ Yeah, that's the one thing You can trust ♪

♪ When you're all broke down and busted ♪

♪ Sickened and disgusted ♪

♪ As all the hits, they keep on comin' ♪

♪ Like the devil on a drum ♪

♪ Well, the devil sets the rhythm now ♪

♪ From here to kingdom come ♪

♪ It feels like They locked the gates of heaven ♪

♪ On the day I was born ♪

♪ And I won't be goin' Back there anymore ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ No, I won't be goin back there any ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ Well, heaven ♪

♪ Costs much more than you can save ♪

♪ A phone connected to the grave ♪

♪ Is always callin' us ♪

♪ But don't you pick it up ♪

♪ Why should we let them interrupt ♪

♪ What we got goin' on down here ♪

♪ Don't let them interfere ♪

♪ 'Cause we ain't no angels, baby ♪

♪ No matter what they say ♪

♪ I know a harp sounds good ♪

♪ But it's very hard to play ♪