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6
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:21,000
[LAUGH] You must be joking.
7
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No. Why?
8
00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:26,000
Is it me or do those trees
have a certain phallic quality?
9
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:27,859
It's you, okay? It's
always you. You
10
00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:30,000
always have a problem
with the cover art.
11
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:32,676
Oh, please, look at
them. This isn't Forest
12
00:01:32,688 --> 00:01:35,000
of Romance. This
is Forest of D icks.
13
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,000
They're crazy. What are you talking about?
They're just trees, you know?
14
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They're just big, erect, throbbing trees.
15
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I'll get the art department
to tone it down a bit.
16
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:46,000
Thank you.
17
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:49,000
How about the back cover?
18
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:52,000
No, forget it. I'm not having a photo.
Not after last time.
19
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,000
Come on. I mean, it wasn't that bad.
20
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:58,000
Okay, maybe the lighting was a little
harsh, but I've got someone new. You
21
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,000
know what? She's really, really great.
22
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:02,000
Fine. Fine.
23
00:02:02,001 --> 00:02:04,000
Okay. Okay. I'll see you Friday.
24
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:09,000
I was thinking, if you haven't got
Jeremy tonight, maybe you'd like to join
25
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:10,000
me for dinner.
26
00:02:10,001 --> 00:02:11,000
Dinner?
27
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:12,000
I must have caught her eye.
28
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,000
Sure.
29
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,000
My place? Seven-ish?
30
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,000
Your place?
31
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,306
There's nothing like
wearing something
32
00:02:20,318 --> 00:02:23,000
comfortable and turning
the lights down low.
33
00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:25,000
Sounds great.
34
00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:29,000
Ta.
35
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,000
I got a look at your itinerary for the
tour. You know, 16 cities in 14 days.
36
00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:39,000
I mean, all you have to
do is change the laws.
37
00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:41,000
Listen, you should be fine.
38
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:43,000
Can we not talk about work tonight?
39
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:47,000
I can think of much better
things than making smart talk.
40
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:49,000
Okay.
41
00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:56,000
There's something I've been
wanting to talk to you about.
42
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:59,000
No, wait. Forget it. It's a bad idea.
I don't want to fuck up our working
43
00:02:59,001 --> 00:03:00,000
relationship.
44
00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:04,000
No, no, no, no. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Come on. Just fuck it up.
45
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:08,000
I don't know how to say this.
46
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:12,000
So, I'll be blunt.
47
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:14,000
Be blunt. Blunt is good.
48
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,000
Martin.
49
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:17,000
Kiss me?
50
00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:18,000
I want your sperm.
51
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:24,000
You know, I've never heard
it put quite that way before.
52
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:29,000
I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind,
you know, many, many, many times.
53
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:32,000
Ever since the first day we
met, you know, I felt a bond.
54
00:03:32,001 --> 00:03:34,000
No, no. All I want is your sperm.
55
00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:36,000
What kind of a gag is this?
56
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:37,000
Excuse me?
57
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,000
I want to have a baby.
58
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,000
A baby?
59
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:44,000
I've been thinking about it a lot
with this whole turning 40 business.
60
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:51,000
And since it's kind of tough to
conceive on your own, I'd like you to help.
61
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:56,000
Ellen, this is huge.
I mean, I don't know what to say.
62
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:57,430
Well, of all the men
I know, you have
63
00:03:57,442 --> 00:03:59,000
the most qualities
I'd want in my child.
64
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:02,000
Thank you. Thank you. That's very nice.
65
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,000
You're smart, attractive, funny.
66
00:04:05,001 --> 00:04:07,000
No, I mean, I'm very flattered.
67
00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:10,000
Plus, I have no feelings
for you romantically.
68
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:15,000
Right.
69
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:18,000
It's less complicated like that.
You'd have no responsibilities at all.
70
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:22,000
It would be my child. You'd
just be... The sperm guy?
71
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:26,000
In essence, but you'd be
giving me an incredible gift.
72
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:28,000
And you wouldn't have to wrap it.
73
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,000
I don't know.
74
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:32,000
Will you think about it?
75
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:36,000
Be fruitful and multiply.
76
00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:40,000
Create a race, a man-made
race upon the face of the Earth.
77
00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:42,000
Why not?
78
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,000
I'll think about it.
79
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,000
A cereal box, huh?
I thought they only put athletes on these.
80
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,000
Until now. Isn't it exciting?
81
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:58,000
Richard told me it meant more to
him than winning the Nobel Prize.
82
00:04:58,001 --> 00:05:04,000
Yeah, well, I usually
skip breakfast myself.
83
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:08,000
Anyway, look, I want to ask you a question.
84
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:10,989
How do you feel about
a 40-year-old woman
85
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:14,000
choosing to have a
child just on her own?
86
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:18,000
Well, speaking as a
psychologist and as a mother,
87
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,839
I'd have to say if
she is emotionally
88
00:05:19,851 --> 00:05:22,000
and infincially capable
of raising a child,
89
00:05:22,001 --> 00:05:24,000
then I would fully support her decision.
90
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:28,000
Good, good.
Because one of my writers asked me, and...
91
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:31,000
I think I'm gonna give her my sperm.
92
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:34,000
Your sperm? Are you out of your mind?
93
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,000
Could you keep your voice down, please?
94
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:38,000
This isn't something the
whole office has to know.
95
00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:40,000
So you're gonna give some woman your sperm.
96
00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:42,000
You just said you
thought it was a good idea.
97
00:05:42,001 --> 00:05:44,232
Well, that was a
hypothetical woman
98
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,000
with some... Hypothetical
sperm, not yours.
99
00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:49,000
Are you jealous?
100
00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:50,000
You're jealous?
101
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,000
No, no, no.
102
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:55,000
Well, maybe just a little.
103
00:05:55,001 --> 00:06:01,000
I mean, up until now, I'm the only
one who ever got your sperm... to keep.
104
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:03,000
And now some strange
woman comes and asks for it,
105
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:06,000
and you're just giving it
out like Johnny Appleseed.
106
00:06:06,001 --> 00:06:09,000
First of all, this is not a stranger.
I've known her for ten years.
107
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,000
Well, I've known my
dry cleaner for ten years,
108
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:13,000
but I'm not about to have a child with him.
109
00:06:13,001 --> 00:06:16,000
This is not my dry cleaner.
This is someone I care about.
110
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:18,000
Jesus Christ, I gave Richard a kidney.
111
00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:20,000
I mean, this'll be a
lot easier, believe me.
112
00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:21,000
But Martin, a child?
113
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:24,000
I am not having a child.
She's having a child.
114
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:28,000
Okay? I'm just the... the sperm guy.
115
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,000
Here's your coffee.
116
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:32,000
Get out!
117
00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:33,000
I didn't ask for coffee.
118
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,000
Maybe not.
119
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:39,000
But I'd just like to put in my two
cents about the sperm guy thing.
120
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:42,000
You really ought to do
something about that intercom.
121
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,000
Thank you.
122
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:45,000
You know, I'd be careful if I were you.
123
00:06:45,001 --> 00:06:46,941
Miss Ellen might
turn out to be like that
124
00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:49,000
Mary Beth Whitehead
person in the TV movie.
125
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:51,000
She could develop some
kind of bond with the baby.
126
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:53,000
Before you know it, she
wouldn't want to give it up.
127
00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:55,000
She'd be saying it's her baby.
128
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:57,000
It is her baby. She intends to keep it.
129
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:58,000
You see what I mean?
130
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,000
You better get yourself a lawyer.
131
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,000
And fast.
132
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:13,000
Oh, hi.
133
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000
I'll do it.
134
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,000
You'll do it?
135
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:18,000
As in, you'll do it.
136
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,000
I'll do it.
137
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:23,000
Oh, my God. My God. Thank you.
138
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,000
This is gonna be kind of weird, huh?
139
00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:27,000
Seeing each other naked.
140
00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:30,000
We're not gonna be making love.
141
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:32,000
You're going to the sperm bank.
142
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:36,000
Well, that's kicking
cupid right in the pants.
143
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:40,000
Right. Right, right. That's what I meant.
144
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,000
I think I'll go downtown in the
morning and open an account.
145
00:07:45,001 --> 00:08:07,000
Banks are always prouder
when you're in a hurry, aren't they?
146
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:08,001
Yeah.
147
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,000
(BEEPING)
148
00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:18,000
Are you a virgin?
149
00:08:18,001 --> 00:08:19,000
Excuse me?
150
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:21,000
First time, isn't it?
151
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,000
Making a deposit.
152
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,000
How could you tell?
153
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:26,000
Well, I've never seen
you around here before.
154
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:28,000
I'm sort of a regular myself.
155
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:32,000
That's nice.
156
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:33,000
Oh, best deal in town.
157
00:08:33,001 --> 00:08:35,000
Where else can you get paid 45 bucks
158
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:37,000
for doing exactly what you'd
be doing at home anyway?
159
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,000
Am I right?
160
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,000
Mr. Tupper.
161
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,000
Right here.
162
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:46,000
Sorry.
163
00:08:46,001 --> 00:08:49,000
Take this cup, fill it, and
bring it to me when you're done.
164
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:51,000
Fill it?
165
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,000
Well, do the best you can.
166
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:54,000
Cubicle number one on the left.
167
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:57,000
Ask for cubicle number two. It's carpeted.
168
00:08:57,001 --> 00:09:00,000
Uh, how do I do this exactly?
169
00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:02,000
I mean, do I just go in there and...
170
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:05,000
Masturbate.
You do know how to do that, don't you?
171
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,914
You palm it in the
sand. That means you
172
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:09,000
grip it in the palm
of the hand like this.
173
00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:10,000
This takes a good deal of practice.
174
00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:13,065
What I meant was...
Do you have anything
175
00:09:13,077 --> 00:09:16,000
I can look at, you
know, any magazine?
176
00:09:16,001 --> 00:09:18,000
Good housekeeping?
177
00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:20,000
It's...it's okay.
178
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:22,334
Hey, buddy, if you
freeze up, think of
179
00:09:22,346 --> 00:09:25,000
those twins in the
chewing gum commercials.
180
00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:27,000
Right. Thanks.
181
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,000
(DOOR OPENS)
182
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:37,000
(GROANS)
183
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:39,000
(SQUEAKS)
184
00:09:39,001 --> 00:10:01,000
Now, you get a grip on yourself.
185
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,000
(DRUMMING)
186
00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:15,000
I love it.
187
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:23,000
Hey! Hey! There's someone in here!
188
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:25,000
Jesus!
189
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,338
Well, now you're
not gonna let a little
190
00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:30,000
thing like that spoil
your evening, are you?
191
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:32,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES).
192
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES)
193
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES).
194
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES).
195
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES)
196
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:45,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES)
197
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:47,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES)
198
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES).
199
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,000
(DRUMMING CONTINUES).
200
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000
I love it.
201
00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:36,000
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six... Five, four, three, two...
202
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,000
I suppose you realize, Sterling,
that what you've done all the highly
203
00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:49,000
irregular, mind you, is of
tremendous value, and you did it alone!
204
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,000
That's the remarkable part of it.
205
00:11:51,001 --> 00:12:01,000
Now, Ellen, when I take this
picture, you must not move.
206
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,000
All right.
207
00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:05,000
Don't mock me.
208
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:08,000
I'm gonna kill you for this.
209
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:10,000
Careful, you're moving your feather.
210
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:13,847
Did you get a chance
to use the... Oh, yes.
211
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:17,000
Those little guys
are on their way.
212
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:19,000
Thank you again.
213
00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:21,000
I just hope it wasn't too weird for you.
214
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:24,000
I never want to go through
anything like that again.
215
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:27,000
No, no, it was nothing.
216
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:29,000
Promise me something.
217
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:32,000
Will you look after my child
for me when I'm gone? Please.
218
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,000
Anything?
219
00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:36,000
Promise me the books will
be in the store when I get there.
220
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:39,000
I don't want to be signing
cocktail napkins like last time.
221
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:41,000
Okay.
222
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:43,000
Excuse me.
223
00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:46,000
Have you thought of a name?
224
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:49,000
Are we changing the title?
Is there a problem with Forest of Romance?
225
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:54,000
No, no. I was talking
about the... The baby.
226
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:56,000
Oh. Yeah.
227
00:12:56,001 --> 00:13:00,000
I was thinking, if it's a girl, Alex.
228
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,000
Alex.
229
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:03,000
And if it's a boy, Albie.
230
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:04,000
Albie.
231
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:08,000
And you don't think
he'll get beat up a lot?
232
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:11,000
No, I like Albie.
It was my grandfather's name.
233
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:14,000
What about Ben?
That was my grandfather's name.
234
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,000
Ben's a good name.
235
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:18,000
Morning, Ben. Great game, Ben.
236
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:21,000
Why would I want to name
him after your grandfather?
237
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:26,000
Yeah. Just saying. It's a good name. Ben.
238
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:33,000
Okay. Now, Ellen.
Hold very, very still. Don't move.
239
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:35,000
Tara.
240
00:13:35,001 --> 00:13:38,000
Release the bees.
241
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,000
What?
242
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:55,000
Toby, could you pick up the phone, please?
243
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:59,000
Toby?
244
00:13:59,001 --> 00:14:00,000
Toby!
245
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:02,000
What the hell's going on out here?
246
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:05,000
Hey, you want to watch your mouth?
We got an infant here.
247
00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:08,000
Gina's. Is that your baby?
248
00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:10,000
I can't believe how cute he is.
249
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:12,000
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
250
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,000
Yeah, why wouldn't he be cute?
He's got my eyes.
251
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:16,000
He doesn't have your eyes.
He has my eyes, Pinhead.
252
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:17,000
Who are you calling a Pinhead?
253
00:14:17,001 --> 00:14:18,000
Shut up.
254
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:19,000
You shut up.
255
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:20,000
You want to hold him?
256
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,000
Yeah.
257
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:23,000
Come here, right, Toby.
258
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:28,000
Can I hold him for a minute?
259
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,000
It'll cost you five bucks.
260
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,000
What?
261
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:33,000
I got expenses.
The kid's going to need money for college.
262
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:34,000
A bail.
263
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,000
Are you insane?
I'm not paying you five dollars.
264
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,000
Fine.
265
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:41,000
All I've got is a 10.
266
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:45,000
Okay.
For 10, I'll let you change his diaper.
267
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:46,000
You want him?
268
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:48,000
Yeah.
269
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:51,000
Hey, don't get ink on the baby.
270
00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:59,000
I read some place where you can always
replace a father, but never a mother.
271
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:03,000
Oh, I don't agree.
Maybe they're both equally important.
272
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:14,000
Surprise!
273
00:15:14,001 --> 00:15:16,000
Yes, it is.
274
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:18,000
I just thought I'd bring you some
things you're definitely going to need.
275
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,000
Look, plastic keys.
276
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:23,000
Bubble popping lawnmower things.
Very, very important.
277
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:26,000
Martin, this isn't the... Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
278
00:15:26,001 --> 00:15:27,001
Super bear.
279
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,000
Although I kind of think he looks
like a mouse, but I don't know.
280
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:32,000
Hi, Ellen.
281
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:37,000
Martin Tupper, this is Seth St. John.
282
00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:39,000
Hello.
283
00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:41,000
What are you doing here?
284
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,000
How are you doing?
285
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:45,000
What do you want?
286
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:49,000
So, is this like a date?
287
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:51,000
That's exactly what it's like.
288
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:54,000
So what do you do for a living, Seth?
289
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:55,000
I'm an actor.
290
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:56,000
Really?
291
00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:57,000
What else do you do?
292
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,000
I'm a regular on a soap opera.
293
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,000
You like kids, Seth?
294
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,000
Martin.
295
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,000
Huh?
296
00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:03,000
Can I see you for a second?
297
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:04,000
Wait.
298
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:07,000
What the hell are you doing?
299
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:10,000
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I just didn't know you were seeing anybody.
300
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:12,000
I mean, how serious is this?
301
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:13,000
It's really none of your business.
302
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:16,000
Well, I was just wondering, is he
going to be around in ten months?
303
00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:17,000
Is he going to provide a
stable home environment?
304
00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:19,000
What kind of a guy brings
wine to a pregnant woman?
305
00:16:19,001 --> 00:16:21,000
Why'd he just bring a bottle of plutonium?
306
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:22,000
Martin, I know you care.
307
00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:24,000
And I appreciate it. Really, I do.
308
00:16:24,001 --> 00:16:26,000
But you've got to care less.
309
00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:28,000
You're not going to be this baby's father.
310
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:31,000
You're just the sperm guy.
311
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:37,000
Okay, well, good luck on your tour.
312
00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:41,000
And I'll, uh, I'll see
you when you get back.
313
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000
[music]
314
00:16:44,001 --> 00:17:04,000
Hey, Twinkle Toes.
Fun in the oven. Here to see you.
315
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:06,000
Thank you, Toby.
316
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:08,000
Could you just send Ellen in, please?
317
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000
Hi.
318
00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:16,000
Hello. Welcome back. How was the tour?
319
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:18,000
Pretty good, except Scranton.
320
00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:21,000
Oh. Sorry about that.
321
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:23,109
Oh, that's okay. I just
had to sign a couple
322
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:25,000
of hundred copies of
Where's Waldo now.
323
00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:27,000
Martin, we have to talk.
324
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:31,000
I know. I know.
Look, I want to apologize, okay?
325
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:35,000
I mean, the last time I saw you,
I was way, way, way out of line.
326
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:38,000
You know, and it may be
my sperm, but it's your child.
327
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:40,012
And I'm sure you're
going to do a great job
328
00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:42,000
of raising little Alex
or Albie, you know.
329
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:43,000
Martin.
330
00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:46,000
Wait, wait, wait. No.
Please. Let me finish.
331
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:50,000
I know you don't need my help, you
know, but if you ever want it, you know,
332
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:54,000
if there's ever anything I
can do, you know, I'm here.
333
00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:59,000
I'm glad you feel that way
because I'm not pregnant.
334
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,000
Please, I'm sorry.
335
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:13,000
So am I. So if you have
any, I could use a little sperm.
336
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:18,000
Okay. Okay. It's a win.
337
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:22,000
Actually, now, my body temperature
jumped by eight tenths of a degree this
338
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,000
morning, so I'm ovulating.
339
00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:30,000
Please. Would you come to the bank with me?
340
00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:33,000
All right.
I just have to cancel my two o'clock.
341
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,296
Unfortunately, the
clinics closed on
342
00:18:35,308 --> 00:18:38,000
Fridays, and on
Monday, it'll be too late.
343
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:43,000
We have to have sex.
344
00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:46,000
You forgot to say please.
345
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,000
I forgot about that way.
346
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:51,000
I have a hunch it'll come back to you.
347
00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:54,000
I just don't want to lose another month.
348
00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:56,000
What do you say?
349
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,000
Well, anything for science.
350
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:11,000
You know what, Toby? You put in a
long week. Why don't you just take the
351
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,000
rest of the day off?
352
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,000
Why?
353
00:19:14,001 --> 00:19:16,000
I'm giving you the day off
and you're asking me why.
354
00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:19,000
Well, what if I don't feel like
taking the day off? What if I feel like
355
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:20,000
taking Monday off?
356
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:23,000
Okay. Take Monday too.
357
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:26,000
How about the whole week? Fine.
358
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000
See you on Wednesday.
359
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:38,000
Martin, I thought the desk would do.
360
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:41,000
Well, that's one way of doing it.
361
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,000
Sure. Sure. Whatever.
362
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:46,000
Let's get to it.
363
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,001
Okay.
364
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000
I'm having a namesake's
choir responsibility.
365
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:58,000
Wait.
366
00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:01,000
I can't just get to it.
367
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:05,000
You know what? I'm not a faucet, you know.
I need a little tenderness.
368
00:20:05,001 --> 00:20:11,000
Maybe take me to dinner or
buy me a little gift or something.
369
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,000
Come here.
370
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:21,000
Better?
371
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,000
Little.
372
00:20:24,001 --> 00:20:38,000
Now, it's quite simple. Either these
people are fit parents for the child or
373
00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:39,000
they're not.
374
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,000
Is everything all right?
375
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:44,000
Will you stick to business?
Try to get that certain feeling.
376
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:47,000
Fine. Just fine.
377
00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:49,000
Get on it, target. Get on it.
378
00:20:49,001 --> 00:21:07,000
[music]
379
00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:10,000
He said I didn't have no father.
380
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:13,000
Right, your papa. She's not my little girl.
381
00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:18,000
Something wrong?
382
00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:20,000
Bring my daddy back to me.
383
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:22,000
Nobody wants me.
384
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:29,000
I can't. I'm sorry.
I can't be just the sperm guy.
385
00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:34,000
I can't care less. I can't do it.
386
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:37,000
I understand.
387
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:39,000
I'm really sorry.
388
00:21:39,001 --> 00:21:41,000
So am I.
389
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:58,000
[music]
390
00:21:58,001 --> 00:22:00,000
I'm sure you'll find somebody else.
391
00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:05,000
I know.
So, how well do you know Richard Stone?
392
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,261
I guess everything
has happened for
393
00:22:08,273 --> 00:22:11,000
the best. No women
in our lives, Charlie.
394
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:13,000
It's the open road for us.
28144
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