Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,000
[MUSIC]
2
00:00:10,001 --> 00:00:20,000
[MUSIC]
3
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:30,000
[MUSIC].
4
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:55,000
[MUSIC].
5
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:17,000
[MUSIC]
6
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:19,000
Hey, I don't care if you're the expert.
7
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,000
This is my best friend's bachelor party.
8
00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:24,000
I'm not showing anything called
the valet vixens parking in rear.
9
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,000
No, forget it.
10
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,000
Excuse me, Heph.
11
00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:30,000
I hate to put a crimp in your
silk PJs, but your ex-wife's here.
12
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:32,000
Uh, look, I gotta go.
13
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,000
I'll pick up the other tapes
on my way home, okay?
14
00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:35,000
Yeah, yeah.
15
00:01:35,001 --> 00:01:37,000
Listen, I'd appreciate it if you
didn't mention this party to Judith.
16
00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:41,000
I won't say a word, but you might
want to put your little friends away.
17
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:45,000
Hi.
18
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:46,000
Hi.
19
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:47,000
I brought you this for us for Jeremy.
20
00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:48,000
You just have to sign it.
21
00:01:48,001 --> 00:01:50,000
Oh, great, great, thanks.
22
00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:52,000
He's just arrived.
23
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,000
Yep, nothing like a good cigar.
24
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:56,000
Toby, could you get us some coffee?
25
00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,000
Why?
26
00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:59,000
What do you mean, why?
27
00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,000
To drink.
28
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:03,000
Oh, I thought it was to
get me out of the room.
29
00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:07,000
These wouldn't by any
chance be for a bachelor party.
30
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,000
No, no.
31
00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:12,000
Just a couple of guys are
coming over tonight to smoke.
32
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,000
I see.
33
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,000
Okay, here you go.
34
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:17,000
Thanks for stopping by.
35
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:19,000
Here, I know how busy you are.
36
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:21,000
Here's that coffee you didn't really want.
37
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:24,000
And look what I found in a box by my desk.
38
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:26,000
Cute, don't you think?
39
00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:28,000
Thank you, Toby.
40
00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:31,000
All right, all right.
41
00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:34,000
Look, I'm throwing Eddie
a bachelor party, okay?
42
00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:35,000
Why?
43
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:36,000
The man is getting married tomorrow.
44
00:02:36,001 --> 00:02:39,000
Why do you feel compelled
to humiliate and degrade him?
45
00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:41,000
Are you questioning
the wisdom of the party?
46
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:43,000
Because I'm his best friend.
47
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:45,000
Besides, he did it to me.
48
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:47,000
Yeah, and you remember what that was like?
49
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:54,000
Okay, okay, look, it
got a little out of hand.
50
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,000
But I'm throwing the party
this time, not Eddie, okay?
51
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,000
So it's going to be very tasteful.
52
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,000
Your penis is showing.
53
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:06,000
Jude, come on.
54
00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:08,000
It's a male bonding thing, you know?
55
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:10,000
It's a very important
rite of passage, really.
56
00:03:10,001 --> 00:03:13,000
It's kind of... Common
crude, vulgar?
57
00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:14,000
Sacred, really.
58
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:17,000
A Miss Joy a Plenty called.
59
00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:19,037
She says she'll peel
down to her G-string,
60
00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:21,000
but there'll be no
pictures, no groping,
61
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,000
and absolutely no blow jobs.
62
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:28,000
See?
63
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,000
[sighs]
64
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:37,000
Oh, man, I'm so glad we had a rehearsal.
65
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:38,000
Don't worry, don't worry.
66
00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:40,000
Tomorrow we'll get the
flower girl to move faster.
67
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:42,000
Look, man, I didn't mean to step on her.
68
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:45,000
Everybody knows that.
Take it easy, will ya?
69
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:47,000
See ya tomorrow, baby. We love you.
70
00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:49,000
I love you too.
71
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,000
Bye-bye.
72
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:53,000
You have no idea who that is.
73
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:55,000
No, I don't. Hold on.
74
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,000
[music playing]
75
00:03:58,001 --> 00:04:00,681
Uh, listen, um,
you've been a great
76
00:04:00,693 --> 00:04:04,000
best man, and now
that I'm getting married,
77
00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,000
I just want you to have this.
78
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:12,000
Eddie, this wasn't necessary, really.
79
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:15,000
Thank you. Thank you so much.
80
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:20,000
So much.
81
00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:22,000
He's got to give you protection, hmm?
82
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:24,000
Yeah, I was cleaning out my closet.
83
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,000
I guess I won't be needing them anymore.
84
00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:27,000
Grape.
85
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:29,000
Is it too late to elope?
86
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,000
Sorry, honey.
87
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:32,000
We need at least six
more cappuccino makers.
88
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:34,000
You have everything you need?
Do you have your tux?
89
00:04:34,001 --> 00:04:37,000
Yes, I have my tux.
It's all over at Martin's.
90
00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:39,000
Jeanette, relax, will ya?
91
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:41,000
Everything's taken care of.
92
00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:45,000
Come on, we're just gonna hang
out, shoot the shit, and watch some TV.
93
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,000
He is very clever with the propaganda.
94
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:51,000
All right, now you just make sure
you get him to the wedding in one piece.
95
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:53,000
He's safe with me.
96
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,000
(
97
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:55,000
(
98
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:56,000
(
99
00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:58,000
)
100
00:04:58,001 --> 00:04:59,541
So I told him, you play
one measure just the
101
00:04:59,553 --> 00:05:01,000
way you are, and
you're not getting paid.
102
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,000
Yeah, well, you know what?
103
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:04,000
That's the least of your problems.
104
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:07,000
Surprise!
105
00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:10,000
For he's a jolly good fellow!
106
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:11,000
You asshole!
107
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:12,000
Eddie, come on.
108
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:13,000
No, you promise.
109
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,000
I lied.
110
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:15,000
I told you, I didn't want a bachelor party.
111
00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:17,000
My whole life has been
one big bachelor party.
112
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:19,000
I don't want this. I'm getting married now.
113
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:21,000
Eddie, come on. It's all the
guys from the old neighborhood.
114
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,000
You haven't seen these
guys in like 20 years.
115
00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:25,000
Hey, what's up?
116
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,000
What's up?
117
00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,000
Maybe there's a reason.
118
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:29,000
See?
119
00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:30,000
Isn't this great?
120
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:31,000
Hey, Barry!
121
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:32,000
Hey, guy.
122
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:33,000
Congratulations.
123
00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:35,000
Barry, put me down.
124
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,000
Oh.
125
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:39,000
Hey, hey, look who else is here.
126
00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:40,000
Hey, Chuck, how you been?
127
00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:41,000
Shitty.
128
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,000
It's the same old Chuck.
129
00:05:43,001 --> 00:05:44,000
Congratulations, Eddie.
130
00:05:44,001 --> 00:05:45,000
Thanks.
131
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:46,000
Jerry.
132
00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:49,000
You invited Jerry Dorfer?
133
00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:50,000
Oh, no.
134
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,000
Hope you don't mind.
135
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:53,000
Barry told me all the
guys were getting together.
136
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:54,000
How could I miss that?
137
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:57,000
Why, you wannery old skunk,
you're just trying to get some free beer.
138
00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,000
I'm a good mind of throwing
you to the devil out of here.
139
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:01,000
Hey, wouldn't be a party without you.
140
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:02,000
Yeah.
141
00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:03,000
Hey, Eddie.
142
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,000
Stinky!
143
00:06:04,001 --> 00:06:09,000
I knew somebody was going to call me that.
144
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:18,000
So, uh, who's drinking what?
145
00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:22,000
Oh, here we go, Loosey-Loosey.
146
00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:25,000
Here we go, Loosey-Loosey.
147
00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,000
Here we go, Loosey-Loosey.
148
00:06:27,001 --> 00:06:30,000
On a Saturday night.
149
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:33,000
Okay, vodka for the man.
150
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:34,000
Thanks, pal.
151
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:35,000
Adam, Adam.
152
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:36,000
We're Scott's Rocks, right?
153
00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:37,000
Hey, come on, come on, Barry.
154
00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:38,000
You're always a Tequila, man.
155
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:39,000
Well, thanks.
156
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:41,000
Alcohol's a neuro-toxic miniature.
157
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,000
But, hey, you guys enjoy it.
158
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:44,000
And none for me, thanks.
159
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:46,000
I'm training for the marathon.
160
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:48,000
Chuck?
161
00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:51,000
Oh, I've got this kind of pre-ulcer thing.
162
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:53,000
But you should have told us.
163
00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:55,000
We could have made
reservations at a soda fountain.
164
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:56,000
I can't believe this.
165
00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:59,000
What happened to the guys used to
Chuck Boone's farm behind the gym?
166
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,000
Come on.
167
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,000
Do you have any juice?
168
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:02,000
Pellegrino.
169
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:03,000
Pepper milk.
170
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:05,000
Gee, I'm fresh out.
171
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:06,000
Uh, Gary.
172
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:08,000
Gary!
173
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:10,000
Captain Chug-a-lug.
174
00:07:10,001 --> 00:07:12,000
Come on, come on, it's a bachelor's party.
175
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,000
It's in here.
176
00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:14,000
Thanks.
177
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,000
Oh, what?
178
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,000
What?
179
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,000
You two?
180
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,000
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
181
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,000
What, does it give you an earache?
182
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:20,000
Huh?
183
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,000
Are you macrobiotic?
184
00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:22,000
Huh?
185
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:25,000
Or are you just planning to
swim the English Channel, man?
186
00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:28,000
Actually, I'm an alcoholic.
187
00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:30,000
Oh.
188
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:32,000
I can say that now.
189
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:35,000
I've had to admit that I'm
powerless over alcohol.
190
00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:38,000
Six months sober.
191
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,000
All right.
192
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,000
Way to go.
193
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,000
That's great, Gary.
194
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:43,000
Yeah, that's wonderful, man.
195
00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:44,000
You're right, pal.
196
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,000
Great party.
197
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:46,000
Congratulations.
198
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:51,000
Sir, in your position, there
must be something you can do.
199
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:52,000
Movies!
200
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:53,000
Yeah!
201
00:07:53,001 --> 00:07:56,000
Oh, here we go, Loof-de-Loof.
202
00:07:56,001 --> 00:07:59,000
Here we go, Loof-de-Loof.
203
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:02,000
Here we go, Loof-de-Loof.
204
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:03,000
Oh.
205
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:05,000
Here we go.
206
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,000
Oh.
207
00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:07,000
Oh.
208
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:09,000
Take it.
209
00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:12,000
Oh.
210
00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:14,000
Yeah, well, I got out of the
market just before the crash.
211
00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,000
Thank God.
212
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:17,000
Well, you really ought
to look into T-bills.
213
00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:19,000
Everything else is fucked.
214
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:24,000
Marjorie's handling most of
our finances now, which is great.
215
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:26,000
Because it gives me
more time with the kids.
216
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:28,000
Guys, guys, come on.
217
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:29,000
Are you watching the movie?
218
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:31,000
You ever seen two women do that?
219
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:32,000
What are they doing now?
220
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:34,579
Well, they caught
them with the Swiss girl,
221
00:08:34,591 --> 00:08:37,000
and now they're sort
of making them pay.
222
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:39,000
Martin, does this thing get any better?
223
00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:40,000
Ask to.
224
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:44,000
Oh, shit.
225
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:46,000
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
226
00:08:46,001 --> 00:08:47,000
I can fix it. I can fix it, okay?
227
00:08:47,001 --> 00:08:48,000
I mean, come on.
228
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:50,000
It happens sometimes.
229
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:51,000
Here we go.
230
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:53,000
Oh, yeah, right, right, right.
231
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:55,000
Look, guys, I think we
better just call it a night.
232
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,000
Hey, wait, wait.
233
00:08:57,001 --> 00:09:02,000
Uh, you don't want to miss-- Beautiful
girls from 16 European countries
234
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:04,000
will parade and be judged.
235
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:06,000
The rest of the party.
236
00:09:06,001 --> 00:09:07,000
Yeah, well, anyway.
237
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,000
Daddy, please, please.
238
00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:10,000
I thought I should say that to you,
239
00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:14,598
a few important words
about, you know, our
240
00:09:14,610 --> 00:09:19,000
friendship and
marriage and-- [knocking]
241
00:09:19,001 --> 00:09:21,000
And that's it?
242
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:23,000
Oh, no.
243
00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:25,000
[chatter]
244
00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:27,000
Ta-da!
245
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,000
[chatter]
246
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,000
[chatter]
247
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,000
[chatter]
248
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,000
That was great, great.
249
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,000
[chatter]
250
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:40,000
[knocking]
251
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:41,000
Who is it?
252
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:43,000
Open up. It's the police.
253
00:09:43,001 --> 00:09:45,000
[chatter]
254
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,000
[chatter]
255
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:48,000
[chatter]
256
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:51,000
I have a warrant for the
arrest of Mr. Eddie Charles.
257
00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:52,000
[chatter]
258
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:54,000
Oh, no, officer. What's the charge?
259
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:57,000
In decent exposure!
260
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,000
[laughter]
261
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:01,000
[music playing]
262
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,000
[chatter]
263
00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:06,000
[chatter]
264
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,000
I'm taking you.
265
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:11,000
[chatter]
266
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:16,000
Mr. Charles, I'll remind you,
you have the right to remain silent.
267
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,000
Call for my lawyer.
268
00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:19,000
[chatter]
269
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:22,000
This calls for some plain laws.
270
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,000
[gunshots]
271
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:26,000
[chatter]
272
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,000
[chatter]
273
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:31,000
[chatter]
274
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:34,000
[chatter]
275
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,000
Gosh.
276
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:38,000
Wouldn't it be nice to be that flexible?
277
00:10:38,001 --> 00:10:39,000
I'm taking you.
278
00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:41,000
Counselor, how about your client?
279
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,000
Whatever it is, officer.
280
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:44,000
He's guilty!
281
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:46,000
[chatter]
282
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,000
[chatter]
283
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,000
[chatter]
284
00:10:50,001 --> 00:10:54,000
You know, I think we're ready
to bust this case wide open.
285
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,000
[chatter]
286
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:59,000
[applause]
287
00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:01,000
[chatter]
288
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:03,000
[chatter]
289
00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:06,000
[chatter]
290
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:09,000
[chatter]
291
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,000
[chatter]
292
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:13,000
No problem, guys. Just a little cold.
293
00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:15,000
[chatter]
294
00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:17,000
[chatter]
295
00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:18,000
[chatter]
296
00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:21,000
I'm sorry. I'll be alright in a minute.
297
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:24,000
[chatter]
298
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:27,000
Fuck, this stuff's
supposed to last 12 hours.
299
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:30,000
Barton, you got any out of hiss to beat?
300
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:32,000
[chatter]
301
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:34,000
[chatter]
302
00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:36,000
I'll go check.
303
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:38,000
[chatter]
304
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,000
Yeah, well, I'm ready for a drink.
305
00:11:40,001 --> 00:11:42,000
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
306
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,000
Anybody else?
307
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:45,000
[chatter]
308
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:48,000
[chatter]
309
00:11:48,001 --> 00:11:50,000
I think I'm feeling a little better.
310
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:53,000
It's just the aching around my eyes.
311
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:55,000
[chatter]
312
00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:59,000
I never heard anybody go on
so long about a simple head cold.
313
00:11:59,001 --> 00:12:00,000
Drink the tea.
314
00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:01,000
Okay.
315
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,000
[chatter]
316
00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:04,000
Barry, Adam, come on in.
317
00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:05,000
That was the fart.
318
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:07,000
[laughter]
319
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:09,000
Hey, hey, hey, go easy there, Jerry.
320
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:10,000
In eighth grade?
321
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:13,000
I got to second base with Cheryl Castorini.
322
00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:16,000
Cheryl Castorini didn't
even have a second base.
323
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,000
[laughter]
324
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:19,000
Hey, Eddie, who was your first?
325
00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:21,000
Go ahead, go ahead, tell him, tell him.
326
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,000
Okay, okay.
327
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:24,000
It was ninth grade.
328
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:25,000
Don Richardson.
329
00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:26,000
Lisa Farley.
330
00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:27,000
No, no, no.
331
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:28,000
Laurie Klepperman.
332
00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:30,000
Karen Kenlow.
333
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:32,000
Mrs. Kenlow, the math teacher?
334
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,000
Hey, well, I needed a little help
with my square roots, you know.
335
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:38,000
[laughter]
336
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:41,000
My ninth grade disguised life
was better than mine'll ever be.
337
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:42,000
[laughter]
338
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:44,000
We all know who Jerry's first was.
339
00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:46,000
Marjorie!
340
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:48,000
[laughter]
341
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,000
Well, not exactly.
342
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,000
Ooh.
343
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:54,000
Really?
344
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:59,000
Actually, my first
first was... [laughter]
345
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,000
Look at him, look at him.
346
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:03,000
Come on, you got that fart.
347
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:05,000
It's with Martin.
348
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:11,000
[music]
349
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:13,000
That's not true.
350
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,000
That's not true, he's drunk.
351
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,000
Look at him, look at him.
352
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:17,000
He can't even stand up.
353
00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:19,040
You know, they say
that one out of every
354
00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:21,000
three adolescent
boys' experiments ...
355
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,000
It was nothing.
356
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:24,000
I mean, a little touching.
357
00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:25,000
You know, it was nothing.
358
00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:26,000
It wasn't nothing.
359
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:30,000
I mean, it wasn't a gay
thing, but it was a nice thing.
360
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:31,000
It wasn't anything.
361
00:13:31,001 --> 00:13:33,000
I mean, it doesn't count.
362
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:35,000
I mean, we were at camp.
363
00:13:35,001 --> 00:13:36,000
It was color war.
364
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:38,000
We were swept up in the moment.
365
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:39,000
[laughter]
366
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:40,000
Shut up, Jerry.
367
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,000
You think dynamite would stop him?
368
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:43,000
I mean, come on.
369
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:44,000
Come on, we've all done things at camp.
370
00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:46,000
We wouldn't do normally, right?
371
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:48,000
When was the last time you sang "Kumbaya"?
372
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,000
[laughter]
373
00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:53,000
Oh, Martin, I don't think
that's quite the same thing.
374
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:54,000
[laughter]
375
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,000
Excuse me.
376
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,000
[laughter]
377
00:13:57,001 --> 00:14:01,000
♪ Kumbaya ♪
378
00:14:01,001 --> 00:14:06,000
♪ Kumbaya ♪
379
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:11,000
May I take this opportunity
of saying I wish I were dead?
380
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,000
Don't--don't--don't even say anything.
381
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:15,000
What? What? Look.
382
00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:20,000
I was just gonna say that,
uh, you know, I understand.
383
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:28,000
One time after Little League, me and
Don Willingham... You're kidding me.
384
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:31,000
Oh, come on, man. It was sixth grade.
385
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:34,000
Don Willingham?
386
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:36,000
I was your best friend.
387
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:40,000
Martin, we're getting into
a very weird area here.
388
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:48,000
[music]
389
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:50,000
Yeah, man.
390
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,000
[music]
391
00:14:52,001 --> 00:14:54,000
You got him.
392
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:56,000
[music]
393
00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:58,000
Ooh.
394
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:00,000
[music]
395
00:15:00,001 --> 00:15:02,000
Did everybody get some?
396
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:04,000
She's so-- [laughter]
397
00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:06,000
Martin, Martin, Martin.
398
00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:08,000
Okay.
399
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:11,000
Eddie, I'd like to propose a toast.
400
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,913
You know, after
tomorrow there's gonna
401
00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:15,000
be a lot of disappointed
women out there.
402
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,000
You know, a lot of relieved men.
403
00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:21,000
And I'd like to make a little presentation
404
00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:22,862
to a guy who's been
a constant source
405
00:15:22,874 --> 00:15:25,000
of inspiration and
astonishment to us all.
406
00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:29,000
I mean, the sheer volume and quality.
407
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:31,000
Thank you.
408
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:38,000
To a legend, our champion, Eddie
Charles, the biggest dick I know.
409
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:41,000
[laughter]
410
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,000
I moved.
411
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:45,000
You guys are definitely a class act.
412
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:46,000
Oh, thank you.
413
00:15:46,001 --> 00:15:49,000
Eddie, Eddie, how does it feel to
be hanging out the old clean phone?
414
00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:50,000
I cleaned it out the old locker.
415
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:52,000
You know, it feels great. I'm ready.
416
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:55,000
Really? Ready for sex with the
same woman for the rest of your life?
417
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:57,000
Sex if you're lucky.
418
00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,000
For me, it's just the same woman.
419
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,000
It's not gonna be like that.
420
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,000
Of course not. Of course not.
421
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:05,000
She's terrific.
422
00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:07,000
That's true. She's incredible.
423
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,000
Sure, now.
424
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,000
Chuck.
425
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,000
Listen, I'm sorry.
426
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:13,000
Eddie, man, I wish you the best.
I really do.
427
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:15,000
And maybe I'm a little bitter.
428
00:16:15,001 --> 00:16:18,000
But for me, marriage
was a fucking nightmare.
429
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:22,000
Thanks for the input, Chuck.
430
00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:24,000
Hey, I love my wife.
431
00:16:24,001 --> 00:16:26,000
You do that? You see that?
432
00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:29,000
But the other night, they
brought this guy into the ER, right?
433
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:33,000
He had tried to cut off his
Johnson and give it to his wife for an
434
00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:34,000
anniversary present.
435
00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:36,000
Said he didn't need it anymore.
436
00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:38,000
Forty-three years old.
437
00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:40,000
That's just one example.
438
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,000
Now, come on.
439
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:45,000
I have been longer married
than any of you guys.
440
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:48,000
And there's just something
about the feeling I get.
441
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:55,000
When I come home from work and
there's Marjorie unloading the dishwasher
442
00:16:55,001 --> 00:17:07,000
and I look at her and I think...
Who are you? Why are you here?
443
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:09,000
Oh, my God.
444
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:12,000
It's okay. It's okay.
445
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, Jesus.
446
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:16,000
I think we better call it a day.
447
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,000
It's over.
448
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:29,000
My life is over.
449
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:30,000
Isn't that the truth?
450
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:31,000
That's bullshit.
451
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:33,000
Hey, really, man?
452
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:35,000
Hey, wish I was getting married.
453
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:39,000
I loved being married both times.
454
00:17:39,001 --> 00:17:42,000
You got to talk to Marjorie.
We're drifting apart. I see that now.
455
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:44,000
Good luck, Jerry.
456
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:47,000
I love my wife. I'm coming, Marjorie.
457
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000
(Door opens)
458
00:17:50,001 --> 00:18:07,000
Am I home?
459
00:18:07,001 --> 00:18:12,000
I'll take him home.
460
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:15,000
I'll be back as soon as I can.
461
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,000
(Piano music)
462
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:38,000
One woman for the rest of my life.
463
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:42,000
Yeah.
464
00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:46,000
I mean, I asked her to marry me because...
465
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:51,000
because I wanted to be
with her forever, you know,
466
00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:55,000
but I never really thought I'd
be just her, you know, forever.
467
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:59,000
Hey, Ed. Don't do this to yourself.
468
00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:01,000
You love her.
469
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:05,000
I know, I know, I know, I know.
She's great. She's great.
470
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:07,000
But she's just one woman.
471
00:19:07,001 --> 00:19:11,000
She can't help it. I mean, that's
just all the woman she can be.
472
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,000
Look, everybody goes through this.
473
00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:19,000
Marriage is scary.
474
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:22,000
But it's going to be all right.
475
00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:24,000
Really.
476
00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:26,000
But what if it isn't?
477
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:29,000
What if it isn't?
478
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,000
There, there.
479
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:33,000
Oh, God.
480
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:35,000
Shh.
481
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:39,000
Listen, would you like a hand job?
482
00:19:39,001 --> 00:19:41,000
(Piano music)
483
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:52,000
Martin, you'll call me?
484
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:56,000
I've always felt a deep
sympathy for disturbed people.
485
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:58,000
I know how much help they must need.
486
00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:00,000
Probably not.
487
00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:04,000
Martin, Martin, you'll
always be my special friend.
488
00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:08,000
That's right, Jerry.
We'll always have camp.
489
00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:10,000
(Piano music)
490
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:35,000
What a guy.
491
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:38,000
Eddie.
492
00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:41,000
Come on, wake up, man.
It's your wedding day.
493
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:47,000
Sound the whistle.
494
00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:50,000
Fuck! What? You fucked the stripper.
495
00:20:50,001 --> 00:20:52,000
Oh, my God. I fucked the stripper.
496
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:56,000
Shh. I can't believe you did this.
You are hopeless.
497
00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:58,000
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I didn't do this.
498
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:01,000
What? You did this. You did this to me.
499
00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:02,000
Excuse me?
500
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:03,489
I told you I didn't
want a bachelor party.
501
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:05,000
I told you I wanted
a good night 's sleep.
502
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:08,000
But no, you had to bring out the vodka
and the cigars and throw women at me.
503
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:12,000
Hey, but the only thing I did wrong is
leave you alone with a woman over 14.
504
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:15,000
This is not my fault. Oh, really?
Really? Whose fault is it?
505
00:21:15,001 --> 00:21:17,000
Her fault? Jeanette's fault?
Jerry Dorfer's.
506
00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:20,000
It's my dick's fault.
507
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:23,000
My dick doesn't want me to get married.
My dick did this to me.
508
00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:26,000
Oh, well, now we found the culprit.
509
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:29,000
Oh, Martin, what am I gonna do?
510
00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:32,000
What are you gonna do? You're
gonna get your sorry ass in that shower.
511
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,000
You've got a wedding
in less than three hours.
512
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,000
Wait a minute.
513
00:21:36,001 --> 00:21:42,000
This was a gift. Martin.
514
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:56,000
Man, I'm gonna have to tell Jeanette.
515
00:21:56,001 --> 00:22:00,000
More?
516
00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:06,000
Yeah. I love her so much, man.
I can't lie. I'm gonna have to tell her.
517
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:10,000
Okay. Okay, that's an option.
518
00:22:10,001 --> 00:22:12,914
Of course, you should
be aware that she
519
00:22:12,926 --> 00:22:16,000
might not marry you
today. Or... or ever.
520
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:20,000
No, man, how can I not tell her?
I mean, I can't have a marriage without
521
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:21,000
trust and honesty.
522
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:24,000
You should have a marriage with honesty.
You know, you'll...
523
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:28,000
you'll just have an
engagement with one big lie.
524
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:35,000
I can live with that.
525
00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:38,000
You got the ring? I got the ring?
526
00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:40,000
Aw, man. You really are my best man.
527
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:42,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
528
00:22:42,001 --> 00:22:51,000
You know, I'm sorry I was such an asshole.
529
00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:55,000
It's just that this is the scariest
thing I'll ever do in my life, you know?
530
00:22:55,001 --> 00:22:59,000
Eddie. Kids.
531
00:22:59,001 --> 00:23:03,000
Aw, man, kids. I forgot about kids.
532
00:23:03,001 --> 00:23:06,000
Yeah, I'm not ready for kids.
533
00:23:06,001 --> 00:23:10,000
Oh, here we go, Loof-Dee-Looh.
534
00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:13,000
Here we go, Loof-Dee-Looh.
535
00:23:13,001 --> 00:23:16,000
Here we go, Loof-Dee-Looh.
536
00:23:16,001 --> 00:23:18,000
On the side of the line.
537
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:23,000
David Letterman is on the
way with comedian Jeff Altman.
538
00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:25,000
Coming up next.
539
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,000
(♪♪♪).
540
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,000
(♪♪♪).
541
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000
(♪♪♪).
542
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,000
(♪♪♪).
543
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
(♪♪♪)
544
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:42,000
(♪♪♪)
545
00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:44,000
(♪♪♪)
546
00:23:44,001 --> 00:23:46,000
(♪♪♪)
547
00:23:46,001 --> 00:23:48,000
(♪♪♪)
548
00:23:48,001 --> 00:23:50,000
(♪♪♪)
549
00:23:50,001 --> 00:23:52,000
(♪♪♪)
550
00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:54,000
(♪♪♪)
551
00:23:54,001 --> 00:23:56,000
(♪♪♪)
552
00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:58,000
(♪♪♪)
553
00:23:58,001 --> 00:24:01,000
(upbeat music)
554
00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:03,000
(upbeat music)
555
00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:27,000
(horse neighing)
556
00:24:27,001 --> 00:24:29,000
(horse neighing)
557
00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:31,000
(upbeat music)
558
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:34,000
(upbeat music).
36692
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.