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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:07,073
Hey. I made some notes
on that school board meeting.
2
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,574
Try not to go overboard.
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:09,576
[GIGGLING]
4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,577
Well, thanks.
5
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,079
I didn't think
it was that clever, but thanks anyway.
6
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,081
Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm on the phone.
7
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:18,084
Oh, Stewart?
Yeah.
8
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,585
Oh, that's nice.
9
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,088
That is not true.
10
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,589
I never did that.
11
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:28,094
[GIGGLING]
12
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,595
Is that Stewart?
13
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:30,597
Yeah.
14
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:31,598
Lisa, Lisa--
Tell him Beth says--
15
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,600
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.
16
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,101
I'm sorry. He hung up.
17
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,602
Oh, that Stewart.
18
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,605
[GIGGLING]
19
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,606
He's so funny.
20
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,108
That was...Stewart.
21
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,609
Stewart who?
22
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:47,113
Stewart,
Lisa's ex-boyfriend who--
23
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,614
Sarcasm. Cool.
24
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:49,616
How long do you plan
25
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,118
to keep stringing
Stewart along?
26
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,120
I'm not stringing
Stewart along.
27
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,622
We are just friends,
no matter what kind
28
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,625
of paranoid, jealous fantasy
you have conjured up.
29
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,627
Right. Did he or did he not
30
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,128
write and record
a song called "Come back, Lisa"?
31
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,132
That was a joke.
32
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,134
What kind of man writes and
records a song as a joke?
33
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,636
Weird Al Yankovic.
34
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,138
Right?
35
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,639
"Eat it."
36
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,142
What, did I mishear
the question or something?
37
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,643
All I'm saying is
38
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,645
I don't call any
of my ex-girlfriends
39
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,146
three times a day.
40
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,147
Maybe that's because
you're too busy
41
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:22,648
talking to your mother.
42
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,150
Maybe that's because
I need advice
43
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,651
on how to handle
a girlfriend
44
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,153
who can't let go
of her ex-boyfriend.
45
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,654
What are they
fighting about? We're not fighting.
46
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:29,656
About Stewart.
47
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:30,657
Your Stewart?
48
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,158
He's not my Stewart,
Matthew.
49
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,659
Dave, you do know
50
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,663
that Lisa and Stewart
used to go out?
51
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,167
Thanks, Matthew,
that will be all.
52
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,168
What are they fighting about?
53
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,169
Stewart.
54
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,671
I guess Dave's
jealous of Stewart.
55
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,173
Who wouldn't be?
56
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,674
Me. Why should I be jealous
of Stewart?
57
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,176
Dave, don't worry
about it.
58
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:52,178
You know
what they say--
59
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:55,181
mighty oaks from
little acorns grow.
60
00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,682
Thanks, Bill.
61
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,685
Do you get all your lines
from fortune cookies?
62
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:02,188
Hey, gang,
what's the 411?
63
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,689
Uh, Dave's jealous
64
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,192
because Lisa's still
stringing Stewart along.
65
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,693
I am not jealous.
66
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,195
I am not stringing
Stewart along.
67
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:14,200
Envy not that
which not need be possessed.
68
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701
Thanks, Bill.
69
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:19,205
Good fortune,
happy lucky big time for you and family.
70
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,707
That one doesn't make
a lot of sense,
71
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,210
but it's always
stuck with me.
72
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,712
Uh, Mr. James,
things are getting
73
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,215
a little bit rocky
around here,
74
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:32,718
rockier than a...
rock concert.
75
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,221
What?
76
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,723
What I'm saying is--
77
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,226
I'm on the phone, Matthew.
Take three steps back.
78
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:43,729
1...2...
79
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,731
Whoa.
80
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,233
[♪]
81
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:20,767
What the hell
82
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,268
is coming through
my headphones?
83
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,769
[MUSIC PLAYING]
84
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,272
Salsa--
the pulse of the Caribbean.
85
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,773
I too am a fan.
86
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,777
I've been hearing this
for the past five minutes, Bill.
87
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:31,778
Incredibly
unprofessional,
88
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,780
but I know how
irresistible
89
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,782
that island rhythm
can be.
90
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283
This is the most
childish stunt
91
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,284
you've ever pulled.
92
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,285
Au contraire.
93
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,786
Gluing your pencils together
94
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,289
was the most childish stunt
I ever pulled,
95
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,791
but I didn't do this one...
96
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,293
or did I?
97
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,795
The world may never know.
[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]
98
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297
Can you fix it?
99
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,299
Yeah, I can fix it,
100
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,801
but Bill is just gonna
find another way
101
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,303
to screw with your head
102
00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:00,306
unless you, uh, you know,
fight fire with fire.
103
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,807
[WHISPERING]]
104
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,810
So...
105
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,812
What, Matthew?
What is it?
106
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,313
Matthew, what?
107
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,315
I know what's going on
between you and Lisa.
108
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,317
I wanted to let you know
I'm here for you.
109
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,818
I appreciate it, Matthew.
110
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,821
I know where you're coming from.
111
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,322
I mean, I'm no stranger
to girl troubles.
112
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,823
God, if only I was--
am I right?
113
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,326
Right. Right. Close the door
on your way out, please.
114
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:21,327
You probably hate Stewart.
115
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,828
No. I don't hate Stewart.
116
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,330
He seems like
a very nice guy.
117
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,831
Uh-huh. He is, isn't he?
118
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,834
That's probably why
you're so jealous...
119
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:28,835
You're jealous.
120
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:33,840
Matthew, I am not
jealous...jealous...
121
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:38,845
Dave, come on, you're
a regular Big Moose.
122
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,346
What?
123
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,348
Big Moose, Dave. Wake up.
The guy in the Archie Comics
124
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,849
who's always beating up
the other guys
125
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,351
for talking
to his girl, Midge.
126
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,852
Well, you know what?
127
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,855
I'm not about to start
taking romantic advice
128
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,356
from a guy who bases
his whole life
129
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,357
on Archie comics,
all right?
130
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,858
Actually, now
you're starting to sound
131
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,360
more like...Reggie.
132
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,862
I'm not in there
with you anymore.
133
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:57,864
Reggie.
134
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:04,370
Hey.
Hi.
135
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,372
Listen, Dave,
136
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,375
I don't want you
to get upset.
137
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:10,876
But Stewart wants to have
coffee with me tomorrow.
138
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,879
Why should that
upset me?
139
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,381
Well, fine then.
140
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,883
What time are you
planning on having coffee?
141
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,886
I don't know.
I think 7:00.
142
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,387
7:00. Okay.
143
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,389
Oh, then you're going to miss
the assignment meeting.
144
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,890
Oh, really?
145
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,893
Since when do we have
the assignment meeting at 7:00?
146
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,895
It's a new policy.
Didn't you see the memo?
147
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,396
Beth, you put that
in the memo, didn't you?
148
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:34,400
I am not involved.
149
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,903
That's okay. I can just give
your assignments to Matthew.
150
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:41,407
Did you see that?
151
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:44,410
Don't you think that he's being
totally jealous and paranoid
152
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,912
and maniacally possessive?
153
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:47,914
Yes, yes, and yes.
154
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:48,915
Yahtzee!
155
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,919
You know, and he won't even
admit that he's jealous.
156
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,420
That is the thing
that drives me crazy.
157
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,921
I don't blame you.
158
00:05:55,922 --> 00:06:00,426
If my boyfriend acted like that,
I'd go absolutely bitchcakes.
159
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,428
"Bitchcakes"?
160
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:05,431
I just made that up.
You think it's gonna catch on?
161
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,932
Look, why is he being
like this?
162
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935
I don't know.
I mean, could it be because
163
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,436
you've been stringing
Stewart along
164
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,438
ever since
you broke up with him?
165
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,441
I am not stringing
Stewart along.
166
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,443
You're stringing him along
like a cheap kite,
167
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,444
and you know it.
168
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,945
Stewart's a terrific guy, yes,
169
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,448
but he's also completely
self-absorbed,
170
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:23,449
totally irresponsible,
171
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,950
and, quite frankly,
172
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,953
Dave is much, much...
173
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:31,958
more compatible for me...
lover.
174
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,461
Lover?
175
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:40,466
How often do you make love
with your lover?
176
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,968
Shut up.
177
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,471
And, regardless,
178
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,972
I have no interest
179
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,475
in getting back together
with Stewart.
180
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,976
So you're over him,
181
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,478
but you cannot
stand the thought
182
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:54,480
of him getting
over you.
183
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,981
No!
I've been there.
184
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,483
I still call
my prom date
185
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,984
once a month
186
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,486
just to keep him
dangling.
187
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,487
yeah, well,
that's different,
188
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,489
because Stewart's
not in prison.
189
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,494
Just admit it.
190
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,995
When Stewie's around,
191
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,498
you still want to shake
your bunnymaker.
192
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:16,001
I do not,
and the word is "moneymaker."
193
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,504
Hello, I know,
it's another new one I made up.
194
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,005
Where are you going?
195
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,008
I'm going to go
fax my new words around,
196
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,510
see how long it takes them
to show up on Melrose Place.
197
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,512
Catch you later,
B-cakes.
198
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:28,013
That's the
street version.
199
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,519
Dave, this has gotten
completely out-of-hand.
200
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:34,520
I know, tell me about it.
201
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,021
She talks to Stewart
five times a day.
202
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:39,025
Screw your problem.
I'm talking about me.
203
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,026
All right.
204
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,527
What is it?
205
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,028
You found some more
coded references to you
206
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,530
in the Unabomber's manifesto?
207
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,031
No. It's Catherine.
208
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,535
Dial my phone extension.
Go ahead.
209
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,036
Somehow, she's arranged
210
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,039
for all my calls
to be forwarded to this.
211
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,041
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
212
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,543
[MAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
213
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,048
It's that damn salsa station.
This has gone too far.
214
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:06,052
[CONTINUES IN SPANISH]
215
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,054
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
216
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:11,057
What was Tito Puente's
first group?
217
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,059
La Orquesta del Machito.
218
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,561
La Orquesta del Machito.
219
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,563
[MAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
220
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,065
[TURNS TELEPHONE OFF]
221
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,567
What are you doing?
222
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,068
We just won $94.
223
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:26,072
I see I'm going to have to
tilt at my own windmills.
224
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:29,575
Oh, by the way,
you are jealous.
225
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,076
I am not.
226
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,578
BETH:
Yes, you are, Dave.
227
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,580
Bill. Bill.
228
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,081
What, what, what?
229
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,084
I couldn't help overhearing
your conversation with Dave.
230
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,085
So you can fix my phone?
231
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,586
I can fix it.
232
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,588
But Catherine's just
going to find another way
233
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,590
to mess with your head--
234
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,592
Unless I glue
all her pencils together.
235
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:50,596
Oh, man, you don't take
a Nerf bat to a knife fight.
236
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:53,599
I've got a few ideas
of my own.
237
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,104
Listen, about Stewart.
238
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,605
Yes, Big Moose?
239
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,607
Ah, you've been
talking to...
240
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,108
Matthew. Yes, I have.
241
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,611
Dave, if Stewart
threatens you that much,
242
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,113
I'll just stop
talking to him, okay?
243
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,616
Talk to him. I don't care.
Have dinner with him.
244
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:13,619
I think the three of us
should have dinner some time.
245
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:14,620
Right.
246
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,121
How about 8:30 tonight?
247
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,124
What?
248
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,626
I just talked to Stew.
That's when he's free.
249
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,127
Is that okay?
You called Stew?
250
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,629
Uh-huh.
251
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,631
And how'd you get
his number?
252
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,633
Well, it kind of
sticks in your head
253
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,635
when you watch
someone dial it 3-- 4000 times.
254
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,136
Okay. But you're
not jealous.
255
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,638
No. Just keenly
observant.
256
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,642
Oh, my.
257
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:38,143
Oh, my.
Beth, look at this.
258
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,145
Internet?
259
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,646
Yeah.
260
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,647
Inter-not.
261
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,648
Oh, my.
262
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,650
Lisa, check this out.
263
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
What is it?
More cheesecake shots of Teri Hatcher?
264
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:47,653
No. Even better.
265
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,154
No thanks.
266
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,656
Oh...
267
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,157
What's that, sweetie?
268
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,659
What's what?
Nothing.
269
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,160
Matthew, take your hands
off the screen.
270
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,162
No, seriously.
271
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,663
Take your hands off.
272
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,665
I had nothing to do--
273
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,166
Matthew,
take your hands off.
274
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,669
I--I didn't
call this up.
275
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,171
It was e-mailed to me,
so don't blame me.
276
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,674
If you want
to blame anyone,
277
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,176
blame
"phreakzilla @scopenet.com."
278
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:15,181
[TYPING]
279
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:16,182
Joe. Joe!
280
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:18,184
Catherine. that's not
going to help.
281
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,686
[SNICKERING]
282
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,188
Catherine,
I had no idea.
283
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,691
I hope this isn't
out of line,
284
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:30,195
but you do have
beautiful breasts.
285
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,198
That's not me, you fool.
286
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:35,201
He put my head
on some porn star's body.
287
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,202
Who did?
288
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
Bill did this.
289
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:41,206
"Catherine Duke
of WNY-sex."
290
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,708
[SNICKERING]
291
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,209
I tell you,
whoever Bill's got
292
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,712
working for him
is very good.
293
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,214
Very good.
294
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,218
Joe, get this off there.
295
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,219
Get it off there, okay?
296
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
You can't take something
off the internet.
297
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,722
What?
It's like trying
298
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:58,223
to take pee out
of a swimming pool.
299
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,227
Once it's in there,
it's in there.
300
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,728
Okay, let's forget
the headphones.
301
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,230
I'm going to set
his head on fire.
302
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,732
You don't want to set
303
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,735
the outside
of his head on fire.
304
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:12,738
You want to set
the inside.
305
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:16,241
Come with me.
I got a plan.
306
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,253
The camel's back has been
broken, my friend.
307
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,755
Bill, look what you've done.
My mother gave me this tie.
308
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,256
Look at this.
309
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,260
Don't ever show me
a photo like that
310
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,761
in a room where
I've mentioned my mother.
311
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:37,262
She's really done it
this time, buster.
312
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,764
She's really torn it.
313
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,265
And what exactly
is the problem?
314
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,767
What's the problem?
The problem?
315
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,269
The problem is
316
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:47,273
I don't have
one of those!
317
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,774
Well, Bill,
neither do I,
318
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,276
but it doesn't
bother me.
319
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,280
Every Star Trek geek
and internet goon in the country
320
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,283
is looking at this picture
of me with that...
321
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,784
One of those.
322
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,786
Everyone's going to know
this is a prank,
323
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:03,288
although, if I didn't
know you better...
324
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,791
So that is your
real hair color.
325
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:06,792
Hey, Big Moose.
326
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,795
I'll handle this myself.
327
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,297
What is his problem?
328
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,300
Oh...
329
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,303
Oh, yeah.
330
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:18,304
[SHUDDER]
331
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:29,815
You know, a jealous guy
wouldn't even be here.
332
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:30,816
And a stringer-alonger
333
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,818
would not bring
her new boyfriend
334
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:33,819
to meet her old boyfriend.
335
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:34,820
Right. Exactly.
336
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,321
Lisa.
Stewart.
337
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,826
And you must be Dan.
338
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:41,827
Uh, Dave, actually.
339
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:44,329
I know. I was
just kidding.
340
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,331
As was I.
341
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,333
There we have it.
There we have it, indeed.
342
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,835
Why don't you
have a seat?
343
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:50,836
No, please.
You go first.
344
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:51,837
All right.
345
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:52,838
Well...
346
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,842
There.
347
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,344
Well, this is
a little awkward, actually.
348
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,347
Really? Not to me.
Why do you say that?
349
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:05,351
Because you're
sitting on my hand.
350
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,353
Of course.
There you are.
351
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,854
Sorry.
It's okay.
352
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,356
So...
what do you think?
353
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,859
Well, um, what can I say?
354
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,360
I'm a little jealous, I guess.
355
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,363
I mean, I'll just come right out
and admit that.
356
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,864
Oh, stop it.
You are not.
357
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,866
Know who he kind of
reminds me of
358
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:21,867
a little bit?
359
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,869
Who?
No. Never mind.
360
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:24,870
No, no, no, please, who?
361
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,872
He reminds me
of Howie.
362
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,874
Howie?
363
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:29,875
Yeah.
364
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,376
Howie Maxwell?
365
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,878
Where do you get that?
366
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,880
Who's--
who's Howie Maxwell?
367
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,882
I don't know.
368
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,384
You know the way
that Howie--
369
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,388
Yeah, but his wasn't--
Yes, it was.
370
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:43,889
Who's Howie Maxwell?
371
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:45,390
He was this friend
of ours who...
372
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:47,393
I don't know.
How do you explain it?
373
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
374
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,896
I don't know.
375
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:54,399
I'll tell you later.
376
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,402
So how long has it been?
377
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,405
Jeez, I don't know--
two months.
378
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:04,410
Was he disformed,
disfigured in some way?
379
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,411
Who?
380
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,413
Howie.
381
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,914
Two months. Wow.
382
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,916
So what's going on
with you two?
383
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,417
Do we hear wedding bells?
384
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:13,419
Oh, no.
385
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,421
No, no, no.
386
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,922
God, no.
387
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:19,925
I--I mean...
388
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:20,926
We've never actually
discussed it,
389
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:24,930
but we've only been
dating for six months. Right?
390
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,932
You know,
if you'll both excuse me,
391
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,935
I actually have to, uh...
392
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,937
Pee.
393
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:48,453
Oh. Thank you.
394
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955
Tough night, huh?
395
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,456
Oh, yeah.
396
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,458
Woman troubles.
397
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,459
That obvious, huh?
398
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,960
Hey. I've been there.
399
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:55,961
It's tough.
400
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:57,462
You're not kidding.
401
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,464
Can I give you
some advice? Sure.
402
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,466
How much
do you love her?
403
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,468
Well, quite a bit, actually.
404
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,970
Uh...quite a bit.
405
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,972
Then tell her how you feel.
406
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:08,974
Well, I think I have.
407
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:13,478
Well, then tell her
what your needs are.
408
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,482
I believe I've done that.
409
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,984
Then the only thing
left to do
410
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,986
is to lock her
out of the house,
411
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,488
throw all her crap
out on the front lawn,
412
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,490
and set her car on fire.
413
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:28,994
Okay. Uh...
414
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,496
I should probably
leave here now.
415
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:34,500
Thank you
very much for...
416
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,001
Thank you very much,
417
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,504
and, uh...
418
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,009
Where--
where's Stewart?
419
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,511
He left.
420
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,513
Oh.
421
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,515
And I don't believe it.
422
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,517
I mean, I really
don't believe it.
423
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,019
You don't believe what?
424
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,021
Hello.
My name is Alan.
425
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:58,523
That's terrific, Alan.
Maybe later. Thanks.
426
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,025
What is it? What is it?
427
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,526
Well, you were right.
428
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,528
I mean, Stewart
just told me
429
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,530
that he wanted us
to get back together,
430
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,031
and I really thought
that we were friends.
431
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,532
Let me tell you about
our dinner specials.
432
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:10,035
I would love to hear them, Alan,
but maybe a little later.
433
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,536
I mean, what do you expect?
434
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,539
I mean, you spend all day
gabbing to him on the phone
435
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,040
like a lovesick teenager--
436
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,542
You know, Dave, this is
a little painful for me.
437
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,045
I'm sorry. You're right.
Come here.
438
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:23,048
How did you--
how did you break it to him?
439
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:27,052
I told him I had
to think about it.
440
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,053
Ow!
441
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,054
I'm sorry.
442
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,555
What did you say?
443
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,057
Well, he poured
his heart out to me.
444
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,558
What did you expect me to do?
445
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,060
For an appetizer,
we have--
446
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,561
Buzz off, Alan.
447
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,564
You're actually
considering it.
448
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,065
Of course I'm not.
449
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,066
Yes, you are.
Where are you going?
450
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,568
I think I just
need to be alone right now, all right?
451
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,571
Alan, the lady's
ready to order.
452
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:48,073
I know you probably think
I'm overreacting, but--
453
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,574
Our dinner special--
454
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,076
Shut up, Alan.
Please, just shut up.
455
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,577
I'd really appreciate it
if you didn't tell
456
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:55,080
any of our coworkers
about this incident, all right?
457
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,582
Oh, and if you want
to talk to me,
458
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,585
I'll be home tonight when
you're done here, thanks.
459
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,586
Dave.
What?
460
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:01,587
Sit down.
No. Uh-uh.
461
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,589
Sit down!
462
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:11,096
Okay, is that
all out of your system?
463
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,597
I think so, yes.
464
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:13,599
Good.
465
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,102
Wh--
466
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:25,611
Alan, I think I'd like to hear
about those specials now.
467
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,613
[HUMMING]
468
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,615
What's up, Mr. James?
469
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,116
Hey, Joe,
what do you know?
470
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:33,118
Jimmy, good to see you.
471
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,120
Likewise, Bill.
How you doing?
472
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,621
Terrific. And you?
473
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:40,626
Can't complain.
Can't complain.
474
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,127
It's not mine.
I swear.
475
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,638
That wasn't me, Jimmy.
476
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,140
It was my head,
477
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,143
but I think it was
LaToya's body.
478
00:17:58,143 --> 00:17:59,144
Okay. Fine.
479
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,646
All right.
Come on, you two.
480
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,148
Jeez, I don't know.
481
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:08,153
It's like everybody's going
absolutely bitchcakes today.
482
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:09,154
Okay.
483
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:12,658
Go.
484
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,159
It's her fault.
485
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,161
He put my picture of me
on the internet.
486
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,663
You robbed me of my gender.
487
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,166
Petty theft.
488
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,170
Okay, before this little feud
goes any farther--
489
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,671
Too late for that, Jim.
490
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,674
Last night, I tried
to use my bank card.
491
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,175
She changed
my PIN number.
492
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,677
You changed
my PIN Number first.
493
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,179
So you admit it.
So she admits it.
494
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,681
Garelli! Get in here.
495
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,686
Your name is Garelli?
496
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,189
So the jig is up?
497
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:46,191
It would seem so.
498
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,193
It was really quite beautiful.
499
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:52,197
I, the master,
you two, my unwitting pawns
500
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,699
in a game
that would destroy you both.
501
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,201
But why?
502
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:59,204
Five months, three weeks,
and two days ago,
503
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,706
you two split
a tuna sandwich
504
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,709
you found in the fridge,
505
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:06,211
a tuna sandwich
that belonged to me.
506
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:09,214
I told you I'd get
my revenge. I told you.
507
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:13,218
Oh, for pity's sake, Joe.
We were hungry.
508
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,719
[CHORTLING]
509
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,223
You do know that Bill ate
most of the sandwich.
510
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,724
Catherine, Bill,
why don't you leave Joe
511
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,727
here with me for a sec?
512
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,729
I'll deal with you later.
513
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:24,730
No, you won't.
514
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,232
You're right.
I won't.
515
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,733
Pretty elaborate revenge
for a tuna sandwich,
516
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,235
don't you think, Joe?
517
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:33,738
Yeah, well, I'm an electrician
at a radio station.
518
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,741
I've got a lot of free time
to kill, you know?
519
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,242
Oh, yeah?
520
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,243
Kind of risky to admit
521
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,744
in front of your boss,
isn't it?
522
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,746
Not really, because
523
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,247
I know your PIN number
too, Mr. James.
524
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,749
You know, I'm starting
to feel a little tired.
525
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,252
I think I'm going to take
the rest of the day off.
526
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,253
Joe...
527
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,754
5479.
528
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,757
3825.
529
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:59,264
How do you, uh,
how do you know mine?
530
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,766
I own a lot of banks, Joe.
531
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,269
I find these things out.
532
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:06,771
By the way, how's that
illegal cable box
533
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,774
working out for you?
534
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:11,276
Think I'll get back
to work now, sir.
535
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,278
That's my boy.
536
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,281
That sucks.
537
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,287
You'll be happy to know
538
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,290
that I had a long talk
with Stewart last night,
539
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,293
and I explained to him
why we'd never work out.
540
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,294
Good. Good.
541
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:32,297
I mean, obviously,
not good, but, uh...
542
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,299
Well, too bad
for Stewart,
543
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,301
but good for you. Good.
Good, good, good, good.
544
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,303
How long?
545
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:39,804
How long what?
546
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,807
How long
did you guys talk?
547
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,309
What is the matter
with you?
548
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,311
Nothing. I can understand
it might take a while,
549
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,313
because I hear Stewart's
a lot of laughs.
550
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:49,814
You are unbelievable.
551
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,316
You do not
trust me at all.
552
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,318
You're incapable of trusting
another human being.
553
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:54,819
Granted.
554
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,822
How long did you talk?
555
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:57,823
Oh, God.
556
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:59,324
I don't know--3:30.
557
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,826
5:37 exactly is when
he left your apartment.
558
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,830
You staked out
my apartment?
559
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,332
No, I didn't stake out
your apartment.
560
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:10,335
I just happened to be
outside at 5:37 exactly.
561
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,336
You're insane.
And you're lying.
562
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,838
Yeah, and you're
stringing Stewart along,
563
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,841
and you're a liar.
564
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:16,842
Oh, that's it.
565
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,343
Forget it.
We are through.
566
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:19,344
Great. Good.
567
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:20,845
Good. Terrific.
568
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:26,351
Look, maybe we should
talk about this later.
569
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,352
All right.
570
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:28,353
I'll be out here
working.
571
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:29,854
Okay. So if Stewart
comes by
572
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:30,856
looking to get some,
573
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:31,857
I'll direct him to your desk.
574
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,861
You're dumped.
575
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,363
No, no. You're dumped.
576
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,364
You are dumped.
577
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,365
No, you are dumped.
You are.
578
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:42,867
You're--oh, she's dumped.
579
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:46,871
Oh, I think we're
a little beyond a farewell--
580
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,373
I'm not coming on
to you, Dave.
581
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,375
This is
your stupid shirt.
582
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,377
I'm giving it back to you,
you idiot.
583
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:02,888
I didn't say anything.
584
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,389
You were thinking it.
585
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:05,890
Fair enough.
586
00:22:12,397 --> 00:22:14,899
[♪]
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