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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,071
BETH: Lisa, you're not goingto believe this.
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,072
LISA:
Well?
3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:07,073
Guess.
4
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,074
Yes?
5
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,575
Yes!
6
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,578
I feel like I'm in
a home pregnancy test
7
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,581
commercial.
8
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,082
Tell him, tell him.
Okay, all right.
9
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,584
Dave, I think you'd better
sit down for this.
10
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:19,586
Oh.
Thank you.
11
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,588
Okay, it all started
12
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,090
when I got this
really great idea for this hat.
13
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,591
Hey, I think that's
how Abe Lincoln got started.
14
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,093
That's cool. You know what?
15
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,595
Anyway, I went ahead and I made
a prototype of the hat, right,
16
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,097
and showed it to this guy
at Loehmann's,
17
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,598
and he wants 5000 of them.
18
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,100
Show him the hat.
Show him.
19
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,601
Okay, all right.
Okay, don't look, okay?
20
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:36,603
All right.
21
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:37,604
Okay, hang on,
hang on.
22
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,606
Are you guys ready?
23
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,608
Ta-dah!
24
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,110
Ta-dah!
25
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,614
Dave, this is just like the hat
that guy wore
26
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616
on Fat Albertand the Cosby Kids.
27
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,118
Mushmouth.
28
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:53,619
No. Actually, it was Donald.
29
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,122
No, no. Donald is the one
that wore the little beanie.
30
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,125
No, no. Mushmouth wore
the red beanie with the--
31
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:02,128
Okay, now I feel like I'm in
a Quentin Tarantino film,
32
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,130
and I want out.
33
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,631
Exactly, Dave.
34
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,133
This is a '70s
pop culture reference.
35
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,135
It will sell by the truckload.
36
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,137
People from my generation
aren't very smart.
37
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,638
Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,641
Oh, you're right,
Donald was the one
39
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,142
who wore the hat
and talked funny.
40
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,643
Uh-huh. Anyway,
this guy
41
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,146
wants 5000 of them
in three weeks.
42
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148
That is one hat
every 6.04 minutes.
43
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,650
Wow. It never ceases to amaze me
when you do that math thing.
44
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:28,154
Hey, square root of 137.
45
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:29,155
Oh, 11.046.
46
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,156
Nice.
Thank you.
47
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,157
Nine to the power
of 10?
48
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,659
Thank you, Lisa.
You know what?
49
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,163
I think-- Yeah. I think I hear
bearded lady and lobster boy
50
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,165
calling you back
to the midway.
51
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,667
Okay, fine.
52
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:45,171
At least I'm not dressed
like a trapeze artist.
53
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,177
You know what, Dave?
54
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,179
Today,
I'm just Beth the secretary.
55
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,182
Tomorrow,
I will be the president and CEO
56
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,183
of Hats by Beth, Incorporated.
57
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,185
Which reminds me, I should get
the stationery printed up.
58
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,187
That isn't how
you start up a new business.
59
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,688
I mean, do you have
a business plan?
60
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,190
Well, no,
but I've got hustle, Dave.
61
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,691
Doesn't that count
for anything?
62
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,193
Sure, on 42nd Street.
63
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,695
I just don't know
that the market is clamoring
64
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,197
for a Mushmouth hat.
65
00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:12,198
First of all, Dave,
66
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:15,201
we're not going to be
selling them at markets,
67
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:18,204
and second of all,
it's a Donald hat.
68
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,705
Where's the Mushmouth hat?
69
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,207
It's a Donald hat.
70
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:22,208
Joe's right behind me.
71
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,210
I want to play
a quick trick on him.
72
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,711
The eye holes
go in the front.
73
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,714
You have
to turn it around.
74
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:28,715
Oh, wait. Oh, hey.
75
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:32,218
IMITATING FAT ALBERT:
Hey, hey, hey! It's Fat Albert!
76
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:37,723
I said,
my name is Fat Albert!
77
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,227
Joe?
78
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:45,231
That's very funny, Matthew.
79
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:49,735
Now, why don't you do a little
Amos 'n Andy for me, huh?
80
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:53,239
IMITATING AMOS 'N ANDY:
I say, I say, Kingfisher...
81
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,242
Matthew.
82
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,743
Yeah?
83
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,246
You know what I have
to do, don't you?
84
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,747
Yes I do. Go ahead.
85
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,754
[♪]
86
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,284
Hey.
Hi.
87
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,285
How you doing?
Good.
88
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:42,288
Um, but actually,
I wanted to talk business.
89
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,289
Great. Let's talk.
90
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,790
Okay. I want a raise.
91
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:45,792
Okay. All right, all right.
92
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,294
Look, we have to be very careful
about this sort of thing.
93
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,796
All right, we have to keep
a very strict separation
94
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298
of Lisa the employee
and Lisa the girlfriend,
95
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,300
all right?
96
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,302
All right?
All right.
97
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,304
Would you like me to send
Lisa the girlfriend out
98
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,306
and have her bring
Lisa the employee in?
99
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,808
Yes. I think that would be
a very good way to handle this.
100
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:05,311
Okay.
101
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,818
Hi, Dave.
102
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,320
Hey, Lisa. What's on your mind?
103
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,822
I'd like a raise.
No.
104
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,828
That was mean.
105
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,331
I know. Dave the boss
can be such a jerk.
106
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,832
It's always the budget
with him.
107
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,335
But Dave the boyfriend
is all about love.
108
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,837
What about Dave the doofus
109
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,840
that talks about himself
in the third person?
110
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,842
Tell you what. I'll have a word
with Dave the boss,
111
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:36,843
but his hands are tied.
112
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,345
Oh. You know, I was thinking
about trying that
113
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:41,347
with Dave the boyfriend
sometime.
114
00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:42,848
Oh, really?
Yeah.
115
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:43,850
But now I'm starting
to think
116
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,852
that Dave the boss
and Dave the boyfriend
117
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,353
might make
a better couple.
118
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:53,359
Well, they have had
their tender moments.
119
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,362
All right,
listen up, everyone.
120
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,863
I've got a little problem.
121
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,866
My girlfriend's
coming up to the office.
122
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,367
You don't have
a girlfriend.
123
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,370
Yes, I do. Anyway,
she's coming up to the office--
124
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,371
Since when?
125
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,373
Almost two weeks now!
126
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,874
You didn't tell me.
127
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,376
Got to tell Joe.
128
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,878
Well, look,
she'll be here around lunch,
129
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,882
and I need you all to...
You know, play along.
130
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,884
What do you mean,
"play along"?
131
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,886
You know,
just follow my lead.
132
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,387
Follow your lead how?
133
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:25,891
Look, she thinks
I'm British, okay?
134
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,894
What?
135
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,896
Why does she think
you're British?
136
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,397
It was at this party.
137
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,399
She overheard me
talking about radio.
138
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,901
She thought I was saying,
"righty-o."
139
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,404
She asked me if I was British,
and I said,
140
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,406
"Does a vicar eat mutton?"
141
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,907
Well, Bill, honey,
142
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,409
why didn't you just
correct yourself?
143
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,411
Because I didn't want to look
like an idiot.
144
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:47,913
Oh, and now two weeks
have gone by!
145
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:52,418
And it has been the happiest
fortnight of my life...
146
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:53,919
Except for
all the Benny Hill tapes
147
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,422
I've had to watch
to keep my accent up.
148
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:59,425
Well, hasn't she ever heard you
on the radio?
149
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,427
I told her I fake
an American accent
150
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,429
when I broadcast.
Aww!
151
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,930
Look, this is embarrassing.
Help me out!
152
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,933
I'm not helping you
with nothing.
153
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935
You didn't tell me about her.
Joe!
154
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,438
Well, I know in England
they use pounds, not dollars.
155
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,939
Oh, thanks,
Matthew.
156
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,942
They call
an elevator a lift.
157
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:16,943
Silly people,
aren't they?
158
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,946
And they call
a flashlight a torch.
159
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,448
Yeah, and what
do they call a torch?
160
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,953
You see, sir,
161
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,455
it's based on a TV show
from the '70s, which has--
162
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:30,456
Please, Beth.
163
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,458
I'm not an idiot.
164
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,959
I know a Mushmouth hat
when I see one.
165
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:39,465
IMITATING MUSHMOUTH:
How-ba-you-ba-do-ba, Fat Albert-a?
166
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,966
It's actually a Donald hat.
167
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,469
Well, apparently,
you didn't see the episode
168
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,471
where Mushmouth stole
Donald's hat.
169
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,473
Taught us all a lesson
170
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,475
about respecting each other's
property.
171
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,976
Anyways, sir,
172
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,979
I have a meeting with this guy
from the garment industry today
173
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,981
about manufacturing the hat.
174
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,983
Okay, so apparently,
you're telling me
175
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,484
you need a crash course
in the forbidden secrets
176
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:00,486
of the lost art
of negotiation.
177
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,487
Exactly.
All right.
178
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,489
Do you mind if I sit in, sir?
179
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,990
No. That's fine, but--
180
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,492
Here, have a seat.
181
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,994
We're liable to go through
the looking glass on this one,
182
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,496
people,
183
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,498
and I want you all
to promise me
184
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,500
that you will use
this information
185
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,502
only for good.
186
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:20,506
Never for evil.
187
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:21,507
Scout's honor.
I promise.
188
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,008
Great. Do you have a pencil,
sir, so I can--
189
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,510
No.
190
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,513
The art of negotiation
dates back to the days
191
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:30,015
when man was a hunter,
a gatherer...
192
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:34,020
Marauding bands of nomads
frequently, uh...
193
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:38,024
Frequently raided
the, uh, primitive tribes
194
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,527
of the weaker people.
195
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,029
Okay.
196
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,531
You're meeting with the hat guy.
Right.
197
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,033
All right, you tell him you want
X number of units
198
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,536
for Y dollars by date Z,
199
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:51,537
and then you...
200
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,038
Then I burst into tears
201
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,542
and cry like a baby
till I get what I want?
202
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,043
No.
203
00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,545
Are you sure?
204
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,046
Because that always used to work
with my father.
205
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,048
No, no, no.
206
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,549
All right, here's what you do.
207
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:09,054
What you do is
you say nothing.
208
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,057
That's right. You just
stare at the guy.
209
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,558
You let him
say something.
210
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,560
Force him to make
the next move.
211
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,563
Okay, so I make my demand
and then I stare.
212
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,565
That's right.
You stare like this.
213
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,574
Okay, you're creeping me out.
214
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,075
You know what?
I can't do this.
215
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,577
I'm not good
at stare contests.
216
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,579
Here's, uh,
here's the secret.
217
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,581
That's my h--
218
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:39,084
You don't actually
look them in the eyes.
219
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,587
You stare at the center
of his forehead.
220
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,589
He'll never know
the difference.
221
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,591
Wow. That's cool, sir.
222
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:48,093
Yes, it is, which leads me
directly to the--
223
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:51,097
Sir, could you just...
I'm sorry.
224
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:54,100
Leads me directly
to the second secret,
225
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,102
which is never do business
with a cyclops.
226
00:08:57,603 --> 00:09:00,606
A little secret
of negotiation humor,
227
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:01,607
as it were.
228
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,109
Where you going, Lisa?
I'll be right back.
229
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,614
Hey.
Hey.
230
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,115
I'm going to have to see
that Molinari piece
231
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,617
before it goes to air, okay?
232
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:13,118
Uh, yeah. You
read that yesterday.
233
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:16,122
But as long as we're having
a business discussion...
234
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,123
Yes?
235
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,625
I want a raise.
236
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,627
I told you, I can't do it.
237
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,630
I mean, I'll look
at the budget if you want,
238
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,131
but I really
don't think--
239
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,135
Is there something
on my forehead?
240
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,636
No.
241
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,139
Well, then, why are you
staring at it like that?
242
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,141
I'm not.
243
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,643
Are you sure?
Did I get it?
244
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,144
Was it ink?
245
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,147
No, Dave. There's nothing there.
I promise.
246
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,649
Now, about that raise...
247
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,150
I've got to go wash my face.
248
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,159
Okay, go on, go on.
Secret number two.
249
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,660
All right, all right.
Secret number two.
250
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,161
The secret of negotiating,
number two.
251
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,664
Always answer a question
with a question.
252
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,165
You know,
whatever that guy says,
253
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,667
you turn it around on him.
Okay? Is that clear?
254
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,169
Why would you
want to do that?
255
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,172
Well, because-- Hey!
256
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,674
Excellent.
257
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,176
Boy, she's a quick one,
isn't she?
258
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,679
Who's a quick one?
259
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,681
Beth.
260
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,182
Well, yeah. I know.
261
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,684
I was just doing
that thing.
262
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,686
I was answering a question
with a question.
263
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,688
Yeah, I guess. Anyway--
264
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,190
High five.
That was great.
265
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,192
That's secret number two.
266
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,697
What are you guys doing
in there?
267
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,700
What does it look like
we're doing in there?
268
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
What?
269
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,705
What what?
270
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,206
Is this
about the raise?
271
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,209
Is what about the raise?
272
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,710
Why are you answering
every question with a question?
273
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,211
Why not?
274
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,714
You got me stumped.
Congratulations.
275
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,716
Thank you.
276
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:59,224
I mean, I just have totell her the truth, right?
277
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,727
Yeah, but if she likes me,
she likes me for who I am,
278
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:03,228
not for where I'm from
or what I--
279
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,731
BRITISH ACCENT: Hello, lovey.
280
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,235
This is Catherine.
281
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,737
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
282
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,238
And my mate, Joe.
283
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:14,740
Hey. How are you doing?
Hello.
284
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,241
Here's old Matthew,
285
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,743
a stand-up bloke
if there ever was one.
286
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,745
BRITISH ACCENT:
Howdy do, guv'nor?
287
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,748
What's all this, then?
288
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,750
My name's Matthew.
289
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:25,751
Cheers.
290
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:26,752
Hey, Linda.
291
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:31,256
Would you like
to get a cup of coffee?
292
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,759
Right! Throw another
shrimp on the barbie
293
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:34,760
for the wee lassie!
294
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,262
What the hell
are you doing?
295
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:40,266
You said we're all supposed
to pretend we're British.
296
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,768
No. We're supposed
to pretend I'm British.
297
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,269
Cut it out!
298
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,772
It's a little late
for that, isn't it, Bill?
299
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,273
BRITISH ACCENT:
So, Linda,
300
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:51,777
how long have you
and Lord Mac of Neal
301
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:53,278
been shagging?
302
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:57,282
Uh, uh, Joe, don't you
and Matthew have something
303
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,285
you have
to take care of?
304
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,787
CUBAN ACCENT:
Hey, you hungry, man?
305
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,789
Let's go get
something to eat.
306
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,791
Some enchilada,
chimichanga... Come on.
307
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:08,794
Why are you talking
like that?
308
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:12,297
I mean, uh...
309
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:16,302
[SPEAKS SPANISH
USING BRITISH ACCENT]
310
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,804
...old chap.
311
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,305
Joe, please?
312
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,807
Come on, man.
313
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,309
Right, right.
Pip pip, then. Cheerio.
314
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312
Say goodbye to the bad guy.
315
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,815
I've never seen those people
before in my life.
316
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,319
If you really care
about this Linda,
317
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,322
you've got to tell her
you're not British
318
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,823
as soon as possible.
319
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,324
What if she gets mad?
320
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:40,826
Well, you'll just
have to deal with that.
321
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,327
What are you afraid of?
322
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,830
That she'll never
want to see me again.
323
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,332
Linda's a very special
woman, Dave.
324
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,334
How so?
325
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,337
She's the first woman
I've ever been with
326
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,839
who knows the real me.
327
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:58,844
She thinks you're English.
328
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,346
Come on.
Haven't you ever lied to Lisa?
329
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,348
No.
Never?
330
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:03,349
Never.
331
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,850
Never?
332
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,351
Never. Okay,
there was one time.
333
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,853
When we first
went out,
334
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,354
Lisa said
her favorite movie
335
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357
was Persona
by Ingmar Bergman,
336
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
and I told her
it was mine too.
337
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,860
What is your favorite movie?
338
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,361
Logan's Run.
339
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,364
Good flick.
340
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,866
Isn't it? Yeah.
341
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,367
I think that's some of
Farrah Fawcett's finest work.
342
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,869
I agree.
343
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,370
You know, Bill,
I think deep down
344
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:28,374
you really want to tell her
the truth.
345
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,875
How can you tell?
346
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,878
Well, it's like that scene
in Logan's Run where the guy--
347
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,379
You're right. I'll tell her.
348
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,882
I can't believe
I'm making moral choices
349
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:38,383
based on a B movie.
350
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,386
Excuse me?
351
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:46,892
Well, welcome to Squaresville.
Population: one.
352
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,894
Mr. James said I had to dress
more conservatively
353
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,395
for my business meeting.
354
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,398
Uh-huh. So you got
a whole new wardrobe?
355
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,900
No, actually, I borrowed them
from a friend.
356
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,902
Mm-hmm?
357
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,908
Okay, you can
have the raise,
358
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:05,410
but you got to promise
to dress like that every day.
359
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,913
It's not funny, Dave.
360
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,915
Do you have a shirt
I can borrow?
361
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,416
I'd trade clothes
with you,
362
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,419
but I don't know
if I can get into that skirt.
363
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,422
If you don't give me
a shirt right now,
364
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:19,425
you are never getting
into this skirt again.
365
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929
Okay, you know what?
366
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,931
Just...
Let's forget the raise.
367
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,433
Can you just please
give me an advance on my salary?
368
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,936
How much?
$3200.
369
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:31,937
What for?
370
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,438
That's not relevant.
371
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441
Yeah, but $3200? What do you
need all that money for?
372
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,943
Because I just--
I don't want to talk about it.
373
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,444
Oh, God. I get it.
374
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:42,948
You're going to sell your body
for crack, aren't you?
375
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:45,951
Beth, I don't know how
you do this every day.
376
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:46,952
I feel naked.
377
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:49,454
I know. Isn't it great?
378
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:50,456
Beth!
379
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,957
Beth, come on,
let's go.
380
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,458
Negotiation
secret number seven:
381
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,460
the early bird...
382
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,461
Gets the worm.
383
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:58,964
No. Gets the other bird's
throat ripped out faster.
384
00:14:58,964 --> 00:14:59,965
So you're going too, sir?
385
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,967
Yeah, just for
moral support.
386
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,969
I'm not going
to say a word.
387
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,971
Now, Beth, remember,
when the going gets tough...
388
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,973
The tough get going?
389
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:08,974
Hey, that's great.
390
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,976
I've got to remember that.
Come on.
391
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:14,980
Hello? Oh, hi.
392
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,982
[GREETINGS IN ITALIAN]
393
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:22,487
I have a 4:40 appointment
with Don Green.
394
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,491
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
395
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,993
Don Green. Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
396
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:28,994
Beth...
397
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:29,995
Yes?
398
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,997
You didn't tell me
it was Don Green.
399
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,499
Why? Is that a problem?
400
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,001
Yeah, it could be a problem.
401
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,503
Don Green... Don Green is--
I don't know how to put this.
402
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,506
Don Green is a little
out of your league, all right?
403
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,008
So why don't you let me
handle the negotiations?
404
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,010
Why would I let you
handle the negotiations?
405
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,011
Beth, don't do this to me.
406
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,012
Why wouldn't I do this?
407
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,513
Beth...
I feel ready.
408
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,015
Good afternoon,
Miss, uh...
409
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,016
Oh, hi. Just Beth.
410
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,517
Who's this?
411
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,019
Oh, hello, Mr. Green.
412
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,021
Am I talking to you
or listening to him?
413
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,522
Oh, yeah, that
was con-- I'm sorry.
414
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,525
Excuse us
for a second.
415
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,528
Just sit quietly,
Mr. James.
416
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:07,032
So, uh, what are we talking
about here?
417
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,534
We're talking about making hats
here, sir.
418
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:10,536
I'm new at this.
419
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:12,538
You know it and I know it,
420
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,540
but I am not going to be
jerked around.
421
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,541
JIMMY: You know what?
422
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,043
I think this was some sort
of mix-up here, really.
423
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,545
Something wrong
with my forehead?
424
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,547
Joey, a little
tissue here.
425
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,051
What's the specifics here?
426
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,553
What do you think
the specifics are?
427
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,557
Why don't you tell me?
428
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,558
Why don't I?
429
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,061
Look, I don't have time
for games.
430
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,063
What are we talking about here?
431
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,570
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
432
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,578
...Mushmouth...
433
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,082
Weird Harold?
434
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,085
...Donald!
435
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,587
It's a Donald hat.
There you go.
436
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,590
What do you want from me?
437
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,594
What do you want me
to want from you?
438
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,095
Look, you come in here,
439
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,596
you stare
at my forehead,
440
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:14,099
you answer my questions
with questions...
441
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,601
and quite honestly,
your negotiating style
442
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,603
leaves a lot to be desired.
443
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,606
I don't have time for this.
I'm a busy man.
444
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,608
[SOBBING AND BABBLING]
445
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,610
Beth...
446
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,111
Oh, please don't cry.
447
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,612
No, no, no,
please don't cry.
448
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,115
It's all right.
449
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,117
It's all right.
Don't worry.
450
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:34,119
Give her a Kleenex here.
Take care of her.
451
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,121
Oh, thank you.
452
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,123
Whatever you want,
we'll make it work.
453
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,624
This is my dream.
454
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,126
My mother
loved hats.
455
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,627
Whatever
you want.
456
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,137
Hey, how'd it go?
457
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,139
Great. He tried to play
a little hardball.
458
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,141
But he was not in my league.
I beat him down.
459
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:57,642
Hey. Congratulations.
Thank you.
460
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,144
Give me back my clothes.
461
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,146
Later. Lisa,
please, please.
462
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,648
I want to ask Beth something,
okay? Thanks. Thanks a lot.
463
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,650
Beth, I've got a meeting
464
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,151
with the Lockheed people
later today.
465
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,653
You think you could you teach me
that crying thing?
466
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,156
For a hundred big ones, sir.
467
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,157
Fifty.
Ninety.
468
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:13,158
Seventy-five.
469
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,659
[SOBBING AND BABBLING]
470
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:15,661
Okay, 100, 100.
471
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:16,662
Okay, great.
All right.
472
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,663
Okay, listen.
473
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,164
Now, what's the saddest
movie you've seen?
474
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:22,167
Wall Street, where that guy
loses all the money.
475
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:27,673
Okay, Dave. No more tricks.
No more negotiations.
476
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,174
Could you just please
give me the money?
477
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:30,675
$3200 bucks, huh?
Yes.
478
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,178
What's it for?
I don't want to talk about it.
479
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,180
Oh, come on.
Is it plastic surgery?
480
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,182
No. Of course not.
481
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,184
And what would I need
plastic surgery on?
482
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:41,186
It was just a guess.
My chin?
483
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,188
Yes, you think my chin
is too pointy. Don't lie.
484
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,690
Okay, come on. You can have the
money, you can have the money,
485
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:46,692
all right?
486
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,193
Thank you.
487
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:51,196
No problem, and you don't have
to tell me what it's for.
488
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,697
All right?
Well, thank you.
489
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,200
I understand
if you don't feel
490
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,702
this is something
you can share with me.
491
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,705
Well, thank you.
492
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,208
And I thought we'd sort of
developed a level of trust,
493
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,709
but I guess
we haven't.
494
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:07,212
I don't know.
495
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,714
Maybe I've just,
in my head,
496
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,718
exaggerated the whole meaning
of our relationship.
497
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,221
This is so unfair.
498
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:19,224
I know,
but it's kind of fun.
499
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,725
And come on,
my back's against the wall.
500
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,227
I've got to use every card
I've got.
501
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,729
Okay, fine. Fine.
502
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,231
My ex-boyfriend Stewart...
503
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,732
Uh-huh.
504
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,234
He's in a band,
505
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,735
and the band needs to borrow
some money
506
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,738
to record a song,
and this will be it.
507
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,740
This will sever all ties
for good.
508
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,743
That's not so bad.
509
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,745
No.
510
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,747
Thank you.
511
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,749
What's the song?
512
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,251
What?
513
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,752
The song they're recording.
What is it?
514
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:50,756
Oh, I--
I'm not sure. I don't know.
515
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,758
Well, what's it called?
516
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,262
"Come Back, Lisa."
517
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,264
What?
518
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:03,768
"Come Back, Lisa."
519
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,271
Huh. Okay.
520
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:10,275
Okay. Well, thank you.
521
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:14,279
Would you mind
singing a bit?
522
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,780
What?
523
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,783
Would you mind just singing
a little bit of the song?
524
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,284
No, I'm not going to singing it.
525
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,786
Just sing a little bit for me.
Please? No. I'm not--
526
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,789
Just sing a little bit.
I can cancel the check.
527
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,292
I hate you.
528
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,803
All right, it--
529
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,806
♪ Come back, Lisa ♪
530
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,809
♪ You little love killer ♪
531
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,311
♪ Come back, Lisa
Lisa Miller ♪
532
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,313
You're just doing this
to humiliate me.
533
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:50,815
Yes. Continue.
534
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,818
All right.
Never mind.
535
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,821
It doesn't mean anything.
It's just a song.
536
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,322
I'm trying
to be jealous,
537
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,324
but it's just
so damn silly.
538
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:00,825
Well, thank you,
thank you.
539
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,329
Thank you for rubbing it in
as much as humanly possible.
540
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,331
Don't worry about it.
My ex-girlfriend?
541
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,832
In a jug band.
542
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,335
Come back, Lisa.
543
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,338
What?
544
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:14,839
I'm sorry. I was just singing.
It's very catchy.
545
00:21:20,345 --> 00:21:21,346
BRITISH ACCENT:
Listen, Linda.
546
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:24,349
There's something
I must tell you,
547
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:27,852
something that might come
as a bit of a shock to you.
548
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,855
Really?
549
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,857
Me too.
550
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,358
Oh?
551
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:36,861
I think I'm falling
in love with you, Bill McNeal.
552
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,868
So, what's your news?
553
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,377
Mum and Dad are in town,
554
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,879
and I'd love you to join us
for dinner at Le Cirque.
555
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:55,881
I'll fetch my coat.
556
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:59,384
Bill, I thought you were
going to tell her.
557
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,886
I have bigger things
to worry about now. Like what?
558
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,389
Like finding two elderly
British people
559
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:05,890
who haven't had dinner yet!
560
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:13,398
[♪]
39097
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