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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,570
Hey, gang.
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,573
How'd you guys do
this weekend?
3
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,575
Well, I lost on New York,
4
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,076
but Jersey, Houston,
and Golden State
5
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:13,079
came through for me big-time,
6
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,080
so final tally--
up 200 bucks.
7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,081
Not too bad.
8
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083
How did you pick
Jersey over Atlanta?
9
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,084
I got killed
on that one.
10
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,087
Hey, guys, what are
you talking about?
11
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,089
So, you know, you're just
giving your money away
12
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,590
playing Atlanta on the road.
13
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,593
Well, they would have
covered it
14
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:29,095
if Anderson hadn't
missed four free throws
15
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,596
in the last
two minutes.
16
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,099
Sports, huh?
Oh, man, I love sports.
17
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,101
Hey, did you guys hear
18
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,603
they got a whole
cable channel
19
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:41,107
just for sports now?
20
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,609
Anytime you got
a home team on two days' rest
21
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:44,611
getting 10 points,
22
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,112
you got to bet on them.
23
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,114
But they lost four
in a row at home.
24
00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:49,115
10 points?
25
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,117
That sounds like
a lot of points.
26
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:52,618
That means they're due
to win one.
27
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,120
Well, you know,
I got a system.
28
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,621
Always bet against any team
Ted Turner owns.
29
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,625
That's what he does.
30
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,127
I'm a Knickerbockers
fan, I guess.
31
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:04,130
Since I live in
New York, you know.
32
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,631
I don't know about Phoenix.
33
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,133
They never do that well
in the regular season.
34
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,634
Go Knickers, right?
35
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,637
What's the spread?
36
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,639
It's 4.
37
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140
No, no. 4 1/2.
38
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,642
5...I heard...
39
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,644
I went to Phoenix
once, though.
40
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,145
It was pretty fun.
41
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,647
Didn't do any sports,
but, uh...
42
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:25,151
You know, what exactly
is a spread, anyways?
43
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,655
What do you think
of Detroit at Atlanta?
44
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,156
When's that, Thursday?
45
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:34,160
Anyways, I'll catch you guys
on the flip-flop, as they say.
46
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,671
Anyway...
47
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:48,675
[♪]
48
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:18,704
Hey, Joe, who do you like
in the fifth today?
49
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,206
You don't gamble.
50
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:23,709
Oh, I dabble in the horsies
from time to time.
51
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,211
You mean the ponies?
52
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,712
Yeah.
53
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,214
Anyway, um...
54
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:30,216
looking at the old
racing form here,
55
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:32,718
and I just can't figure out
where the smart money's going.
56
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,721
The smart money's
57
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,222
not going to anywhere
near somebody
58
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:39,725
using a racing form
from 1993.
59
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,731
Joe...
60
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:48,234
Joe, teach me
how to gamble.
61
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,736
Why do you want to
learn how to gamble?
62
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,739
Because you guys
come in here every Monday,
63
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,241
and that's all you talk about
is gambling, gambling, gambling,
64
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,743
and I never
have anything to say.
65
00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:58,745
Yeah, but if I teach you
how to gamble,
66
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,246
then you will have
something to say.
67
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,248
Yeah, exactly.
68
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,249
You're not
listening.
69
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,251
Joe, seriously.
I'm begging you.
70
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,253
No. No way, man.
Get out of here.
71
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,255
Come on.
72
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,758
Look, I know I seem
a little weird sometimes,
73
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:16,763
but you would too
if you always felt excluded.
74
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,765
You know? I just...
75
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:21,267
I just want to be
one of the guys, you know?
76
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,268
Just for once.
77
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,270
It really would mean
a lot to me.
78
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,771
All right, fine.
You want to make a bet?
79
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:26,773
Yeah.
80
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,275
Okay, I'm thinking
of a number between 1 and 5.
81
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,777
You try to guess it.
82
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,280
Yeah, but it's
got to be for cash.
83
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,781
10 bucks,
84
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283
and I'll give you
100-to-1 odds.
85
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,785
Oh, that means if you win,
you get 10 bucks,
86
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,287
but if I win...
87
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,288
You get 1,000.
88
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:47,293
Wow. I'd be stupid
not to...
89
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,794
Right. You ready?
90
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:49,796
Ready? Go.
91
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:50,797
Uh, four.
92
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,798
No, three. Good try.
93
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,302
Hey, what's the story,
morning glory?
94
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,303
Hey, Mr. James.
95
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,804
Guess what.
96
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:02,809
I have whittled my list
of potential wives
97
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:05,311
down to...
98
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,812
23 women.
99
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:10,316
So you've eliminated
13 women already.
100
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,817
Yeah, well, you know,
101
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,320
flu season's been brutal
on some of the older ones.
102
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,821
I got my sights set
103
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:19,325
on that chanteuse,
Melissa Etheridge.
104
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,328
I mean, man, that woman
has everything.
105
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:24,330
I believe she's gay, sir.
106
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,332
Yeah, she is a house of fire.
107
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,833
Yeah, well, I
believe she's gay.
108
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:28,835
A lesbian.
109
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,837
A gay, lesbian-type
woman, sir.
110
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:31,838
Oh, really?
111
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:32,839
Uh-huh.
112
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,341
Well, I guess I'm down to 22.
113
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:37,343
How gay is she?
114
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,846
Oh, she's right up there
with K.D. Lang, sir.
115
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:44,851
Aw, shoot.
116
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,353
Yeah.
117
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,355
Oh, Dave, Dave, Bill's
going to do a speech
118
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,856
at the broadcasting
society tonight.
119
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,859
I told him I'd be there,
120
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,861
but now it looks like
I can't make it.
121
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,362
Could you sub for me?
122
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,363
Uh, sure. Sure.
123
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,365
Good. I got to get out
of here. God bless.
124
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,870
So, you're going
125
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,371
to a lesbian banquet,
huh, Dave?
126
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,875
If I put a plastic bag
in your jacket,
127
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,376
will you bring me back
some leftovers? Please?
128
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,877
Mm-mm. No.
129
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:12,879
Dave, please?
130
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,881
Dave--
131
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,382
Dave, I did tell you
132
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,884
that you'd be introducing Bill
tonight, didn't I?
133
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,386
No.
Yeah.
134
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,387
No.
135
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,391
Darn it.
136
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:28,894
Um, sir, what kind
of an introduction?
137
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,898
Oh, you know,
a speech.
138
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,399
A--a speech?
139
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,401
Yeah, a speech.
Make it 5, 10 minutes.
140
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,903
Remember, Bill's
the main event, okay?
141
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,906
Mm-hmm. I really have
to make a speech?
142
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,407
Yeah, and
make them laugh,
143
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:42,408
because there's nothing like
the sound
144
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,910
of 1,500 people
not laughing.
145
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:45,912
I'll see you.
146
00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,914
Okay, now, listen, Dave.
147
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:48,915
I couldn't find
a plastic bag.
148
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,416
All I had
was a condom, okay?
149
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,418
So just...
you know what?
150
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:56,422
Just get me a handful
of bread sticks, okay?
151
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,426
Haven't you had enough?
152
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,927
Come on. You've lost
five in a row.
153
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,429
I feel the need.
I feel the need.
154
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,430
Let's do it.
155
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,432
What have we got
sports-wise tonight?
156
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:07,433
There's nothing.
157
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,434
I'm telling you,
there's nothing.
158
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:09,435
What's this?
"ESPN Superbouts."
159
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,437
What's that?
160
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,938
It's boxing, but--
161
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,941
Let's do it.
Let's go boxing.
162
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:15,942
You want to bet?
Yeah.
163
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,944
All right.
Double or nothing?
164
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:18,945
Yeah.
165
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,446
All right, who do you like,
Foreman or Ali?
166
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,948
Okay, whoa.
167
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,450
Before I jump
into anything,
168
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,451
I need to, you know,
169
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,453
because altitude,
climate,
170
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,956
all that might
come into play.
171
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,459
I need to know where
the bout is taking place.
172
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:34,960
Zaire.
173
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,462
Zaire.
174
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:39,465
Africa.
The dark continent.
175
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,467
Think hot. Think muggy.
176
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:44,470
Okay, who is it again?
Who's fighting again?
177
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,473
George Foreman
and Muhammad Ali.
178
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:48,974
Um, Joe, I think, uh...
179
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,476
I think on this one
180
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:53,479
I'm going to have to go
with Big George Foreman.
181
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,481
Yeah, Big George.
182
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,482
So it's a bet?
You sure?
183
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,483
Yeah.
184
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,484
Boom! You lose.
185
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:00,486
What?
They fought in '74.
186
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,987
Ali knocked out Foreman
in the eighth round.
187
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,989
One of the greatest
fights ever.
188
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,490
You can catch it
on TV tonight.
189
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:08,494
Man, it really is
like that song, isn't it?
190
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,997
You got to know
when to fold them.
191
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:15,501
You got to know how
to hold them, don't you?
192
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,002
Joe?
193
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,507
So...
194
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,509
I hear you're opening
for the great one tonight.
195
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,010
That's right, Bill.
196
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:28,014
Tell me, where do you get
your misguided confidence?
197
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,016
It's not confidence.
It's know-how.
198
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,018
I've given hundreds
of these speeches
199
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,520
to fraternal organizations
all across this great land.
200
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,521
No kidding.
201
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,023
Yeah-- Shriners,
Rotarians, Elk lodges.
202
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,027
It's like I'm their king
or something.
203
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:44,530
Well, well, well, a kingdom
of fat men in minicars.
204
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,532
You must be very proud.
205
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:50,536
So, need any pointers
on the ancient art of oratory?
206
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,037
Uh, no, thank you.
207
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,539
I just thought
you might benefit
208
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:56,542
from a few of the old
Bill McNeal rules
209
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:57,543
of speech etiquette
and presentation.
210
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,545
Well, thank you,
but to be honest, no.
211
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:02,548
I taught a course on it
at the learning annex.
212
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:03,549
You did? What
course was that?
213
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:06,051
The "I thought
you might benefit
214
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,054
"from a few of the old
Bill McNeal
215
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,555
rules of speech etiquette
and presentation" course.
216
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:13,559
Well, you know what, Bill?
217
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,060
To be perfectly
honest with you,
218
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,063
I am a little nervous
about public speaking,
219
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:20,566
and I probably could use
a few tips.
220
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,568
Not a problem, because
I want you to do well.
221
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:23,569
Well, thank you.
Thanks.
222
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,571
I need you
to do well.
223
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,573
You've got
to do well, Dave.
224
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,074
You've just got to.
225
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,577
I mean, nobody cares how
beautiful the soufflé is
226
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,079
if the appetizer is
turds in a blanket.
227
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:39,585
Can we just jump ahead
to the pointers, Bill?
228
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,087
Okay, rule number one--
speak up!
229
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
What was
rule number one?
230
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,591
Speak up.
231
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:46,592
Pardon?
232
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,093
Speak up!
233
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,596
You've just taken
your first step
234
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,097
into a larger world.
235
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,599
God, you're an idiot.
236
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:54,600
What?
237
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,602
God, you're an idiot!
238
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,606
Let's get to work.
239
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:04,610
Come on, man. No more.
No more betting.
240
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,111
No, don't bail on me, Joe.
241
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,113
Come on, I'll bet you...
242
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,614
Listen, I'll bet you
the next song
243
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,116
that WRMH plays
244
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,619
is a really good song.
245
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,121
I'll bet it sucks.
Double or nothing.
246
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,123
Oh, you're on.
247
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:21,127
♪ I am a lineman
For the county... ♪
248
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,628
Oh, yeah.
249
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:27,132
♪ And I travel
The main road ♪
250
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,637
All right.
251
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,639
You win.
252
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,642
It sucks.
253
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:40,646
I love that song.
254
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,647
Focus!
255
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,648
Hmm?
256
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:43,649
Oh...
257
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,650
Let's go over it
258
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
yet again.
259
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:47,653
Come on, Bill.
I really--
260
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,655
Just one more time,
Dave. I promise.
261
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,156
All right.
262
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,159
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen--
263
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,660
No!
264
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,165
What have I been
telling you?
265
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:02,668
♪ Ba ba ba
Ba-ba-ba ba ba ba ♪
266
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,671
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
267
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,673
Bill, this is really
starting to resemble
268
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,174
a scene from Fame.
269
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,678
You want fame? It
starts right here.
270
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,680
Very cute, but don't you think
I should at some point,
271
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,181
you know, sit down
and write the speech?
272
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,183
Maybe in the future,
273
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,185
children will learn
to drive rocket cars
274
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686
before
they can walk,
275
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,187
but for right now,
276
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,690
let's concentrate
on the fundamentals.
277
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,191
Would you stop
doing that?
278
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,193
Look, I know how to say,
279
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,194
"good evening,
ladies and gentlemen."
280
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,695
Yes, but you don't
know
281
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,697
how to say it
with conviction.
282
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,700
This is a good evening.
These women are ladies.
283
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,201
These men are gentle.
284
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:38,704
And tonight they're going
to enjoy...Bill McNeal!
285
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,706
Okay, Bill. I think I've had
enough of the course.
286
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:41,707
Thank you very much.
287
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,709
Oh, what have
we here, a quitter?
288
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,211
No. I just really need
to write this speech.
289
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,214
Do I hear
the plaintive cry
290
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,216
of the crested North
American quitter?
291
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,217
Bill, please.
292
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,220
Quit, quit, quit, coo!
Quit, quit, coo!
293
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,721
Okay, get out
of my office now.
294
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,723
That's the attitude
I'm looking for.
295
00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:00,225
Stay in that place.
And...go!
296
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,727
Get out!
297
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:04,229
No. No. Bring it down.
Keep it real.
298
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,236
What are those?
299
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,738
Cards. Just cards.
300
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:15,741
You a little nervous about
your big speech tonight?
301
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,242
No, no. No, no.
302
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,744
No? Are you sure?
303
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,245
Yeah, I'm cool.
304
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,247
You're cool?
305
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,748
Yeah, I'm cool with it.
306
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,750
You know, I'm just hanging
with it.
307
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,252
I'm just, uh...chillin'.
308
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,255
Uh-huh.
309
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,257
Well, word to your mother.
310
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:37,763
Matthew, stop that.
311
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,264
No. No, ma'am.
312
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:40,766
I've only got,
like, five minutes
313
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,770
before Joe gets back
to practice.
314
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,271
Okay,
315
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,274
how many bets
have you lost?
316
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,276
Just like nine or 10.
317
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,278
$10 a pop,
letting it ride,
318
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:55,281
Jacking the vig,
double or nothing.
319
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,784
Do you know what
"double or nothing" means?
320
00:11:58,784 --> 00:11:59,785
Actually, it's kind of
complicated
321
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:00,786
to explain, Lisa.
322
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,287
That's cute, though.
323
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,289
Uh, well, actually,
324
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,291
it means that you
owe Joe $5,120.
325
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,292
What?
326
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,295
It's really...it's not even
about the money, Lisa.
327
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:12,298
It's about being,
you know, one of the guys.
328
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,300
Well, if you want to be
one of the guys,
329
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,302
why don't you just join
a rotisserie baseball league
330
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,803
or something?
331
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:21,306
Because I'm allergic
to chicken.
332
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:22,808
Shh.
333
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,810
Oh, Joe. Hey, listen.
334
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,813
Hey, how about, uh...
you want to bet
335
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:32,818
I can toss this
little paper ball into...
336
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,821
Oh, I don't know.
How about, uh...
337
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:39,324
Hey! Across the office
into that garbage can?
338
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,327
That's hard to pass up.
339
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:43,329
If you can't
handle it, then...
340
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,331
What the hell?
I'll do it.
341
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,833
Double or nothing
says you can do it.
342
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,836
Okay, you're on.
You got a bet.
343
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,337
He shoots...
344
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,339
and scores!
345
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,840
Yes!
346
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,841
Yes!
347
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,342
Yes! What?
348
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,345
Yeah. I win.
349
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,846
No, I got it in.
350
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,848
Yeah, and I bet
that you could.
351
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:03,849
But--
352
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,351
Nice shot, though,
dude.
353
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,354
I guess you've been
practicing, huh?
354
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,356
Look, if you think it'll help,
355
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:14,860
you may feel free to imagine
the audience naked.
356
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,361
Thanks, Bill.
Thanks.
357
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:17,863
Also, sometimes it helps
358
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:20,866
to practice in front
of a mirror.
359
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:21,867
So you're suggesting
360
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,869
I stand in front
of the mirror
361
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,370
and imagine myself
naked?
362
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,872
That's
like something out
363
00:13:26,872 --> 00:13:28,874
of Silence ofthe Lambs.
364
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:33,879
Good flick. Good flick.
365
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:36,381
Okay, We're ready
for you, Governor Cuomo.
366
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,383
Uh-huh.
367
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:39,885
Hey, Lisa.
368
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:43,388
Dave, I only threw one.
369
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,890
Right, and just
magically multiplied
370
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,391
into this landfill
over here?
371
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893
Those are not mine.
372
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,394
Look, just clean it up,
373
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,897
and try and set a better example
for Frick and Frack over there.
374
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:59,404
Uh, this really
isn't necessary.
375
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,906
No, no, Dave,
376
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:01,907
accept the applause
graciously.
377
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:03,408
Just say to yourself,
"I deserve this."
378
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,410
No, I mean this little
make-believe rehearsal
379
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,411
isn't necessary.
380
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,413
I just wanted to run
some ideas past you.
381
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,914
Oh, come on, Dave.
382
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,916
Inspiration
minus preparation
383
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,417
equals trepidation.
384
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,920
Did you take Bill's
learning annex course too?
385
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,923
No. I took the
Jesse Jackson course.
386
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,925
Oh, Milos, could you
clean up a little later?
387
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:20,926
No, no, no, actually,
388
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,427
I invited Milos
to listen to the speech.
389
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929
Oh, I'm sorry, Milos.
390
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,931
This is great. Have a seat.
This is great.
391
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,432
Thank you, Milos.
392
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,435
Welcome, Milos.
Thanks for coming.
393
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,436
Okay, let's begin, Dave.
394
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:31,437
Oh, fine.
395
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:35,441
I mean, this is
stupid, but fine.
396
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,443
All right. Ahem.
397
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,945
Okay. Um...
398
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,446
Ladies and gentlemen,
honored guests--
399
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,449
Whoo! Yeah!
400
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,952
What are you doing?
401
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:47,953
I'm hooting.
402
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:48,954
Why are you hooting?
403
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,956
Because, Dave,
you can't be thrown
404
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,958
by an overly
enthusiastic audience.
405
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,960
This is a speech
to the Broadcasting Society.
406
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,461
I doubt the members
of the broadcasting society
407
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,464
are going to behave
like the Dog Pound.
408
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,966
What? The what?
409
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,467
The Dog Pound.
410
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,469
These people over here
are the Dog Pound.
411
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,970
You know, The Arsenio Hall Show,
right?
412
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,471
Just because I'm black,
413
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,974
I'm supposed
to be an expert
414
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,976
on Arsenio Hall trivia.
415
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,478
It was a general question.
416
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,480
Yeah.
417
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,481
Next thing you know,
418
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,982
you'll be asking me
if I can get you
419
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,483
an autograph
from Sydney Poitier.
420
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:21,487
Oh, my God. You know
Sydney Poitier?
421
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,989
We're getting
a little distracted.
422
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,490
Okay,
let's begin again.
423
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:26,492
Fine. All right.
424
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,494
Ladies and gentlemen,
honored guests,
425
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,496
Members of the--
426
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,998
Okay, who threw that?
427
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,499
Come on.
428
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,503
Look, look, who--
who threw that?
429
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,004
You can't let a little
something like that
430
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,505
throw you, honey.
Go on.
431
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,007
Ladies and gentlemen,
honored guests,
432
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,009
members of
the Broadcasting Society.
433
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,011
As broadcasters,
it is our duty--
434
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,512
[LAUGHS]
435
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,015
Doodie.
436
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,517
Very funny.
Very funny.
437
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:56,021
What is he doing
in there?
438
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,522
He never locks
this door.
439
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,525
He's probably in there
doing it with Lisa.
440
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,527
Oop, sorry.
Force of habit.
441
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,029
All right, you know
what? Forget Dave.
442
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,530
I will handle this myself.
443
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:06,532
Joe, tell Matthew
444
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,033
he doesn't owe you
any money.
445
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,535
No. He said he wanted
to learn about gambling.
446
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,537
Now he's learning.
447
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,541
He owes you $10,240.
448
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,543
Well, maybe he can
pay me installments,
449
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,044
like a dollar a day
450
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,046
for the rest
of his life.
451
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:25,550
No, not the rest of his life,
but maybe the next 28.055 years.
452
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:31,056
You don't
impress me.
453
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:33,058
Look, Joe, just let him
win one, please?
454
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,060
Go double or nothing
with him
455
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,061
and let him win.
456
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,562
You're asking
Joe Garelli
457
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:38,564
to take a dive?
458
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,065
Yes, and let's not
get melodramatic.
459
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,067
AS MARLON BRANDO:
I could have been somebody.
460
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,069
I could have been
a contender
461
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,071
instead of a bum,
which is what I am.
462
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,572
On The Waterfront.
463
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,574
1954, but very relevant
464
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:49,575
to my current
predicament,
465
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:50,576
isn't it?
466
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,077
Well, yeah, it would be
more relevant
467
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,579
if Marlon Brando's
arch enemy in the film
468
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,081
had been Don Knotts...
469
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:59,084
but it wasn't,
so come on.
470
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:03,088
Going to kick
that Barney Fife's ass.
471
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,091
So, in--in conclusion,
472
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:10,095
uh, without further ado,
uh, so to speak,
473
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:15,600
please welcome...
Bill McNeal.
474
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:17,102
Well, you can't say
475
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:19,604
Dallas doesn't love you,
Mr. President.
476
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:26,111
Well, I thought
that you were fine.
477
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,612
You were fine, Dave.
478
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,615
But...But...
479
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,116
Well...
480
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:33,118
You weren't undressing me
with your eyes, were you?
481
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,120
No, no, no, no.
482
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,122
Mr. Dave...
483
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:40,625
Your speaking makes
my heart feel very big.
484
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:41,627
Well, thank you,
Milos.
485
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,128
You have my vote.
486
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,630
I will be proud for you
to be the president.
487
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,633
Uh, Milos, I'm...
488
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,134
Could I have, please?
489
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,135
Uh, sure.
490
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,137
Thanks, Milos, but--
491
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,639
Thank you...
492
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,641
Mr. President.
493
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,146
$10,240
494
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,647
divided by 10 years...
495
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,151
[LAUGHING] Doodie.
496
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,653
All right, dude.
One more bet.
497
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,656
Okay, I'm ready.
498
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,157
All right,
double or nothing.
499
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:14,659
Guess which hand
the pencil's in.
500
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,162
Huh.
501
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,164
Uh-huh.
502
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,166
Uh-huh.
503
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:25,671
Matthew!
504
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,172
Okay, okay. I'm just,
you know...
505
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,174
my first impulse is
to pick this one,
506
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:31,676
of course, because...
507
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,178
but you have
outsmarted me before,
508
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:34,179
haven't you?
509
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:37,182
Like nine or 10 times.
510
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,685
So maybe I should pick
the opposite one.
511
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:46,191
Or is that what
you want me to think?
512
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,192
That one.
513
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:48,193
You lose.
514
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,694
Oh, good lord!
515
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,696
I tried.
516
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,697
So did I.
517
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,198
You're on your own,
Matthew.
518
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:02,207
Let's try it
just one more time.
519
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,209
Now, the dramatic pause
in this section
520
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,210
lasts how long?
521
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:08,213
Oh, for crying out loud,
Bill, three seconds.
522
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:11,716
Three seconds.
Yes. Proceed.
523
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:12,718
All right.
524
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:17,222
And now please welcome
the man of the hour...
525
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,723
Now!
526
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,729
Bill McNeal.
527
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,231
No! You're too late!
528
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,732
Now they're just
going to think
529
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,234
you've forgotten
my name!
530
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,735
That's absurd.
531
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,738
Why can't you do
a simple thing
532
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:33,739
like count to three?
533
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,240
Maybe there's
such a thing
534
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,741
as over-rehearsing.
You think of that?
535
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,243
Tonight is important
to me, Dave.
536
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,244
Don't you understand?
537
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:40,745
I've been writing
my speech for months.
538
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:41,747
Look, just relax.
539
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,248
How can I relax?
540
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,749
You're going to suck
the air out of the room
541
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,752
before I even get a chance
to speak.
542
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,254
Well, thank you
for boosting my confidence.
543
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,255
Screw your confidence!
544
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,256
You're going down in flames
tonight,
545
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,258
and I'm going to end up
546
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,260
with a face full
of smoke and soot!
547
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,261
Look, settle down.
548
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,262
No, you settle down!
You settle down!
549
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:58,263
Stop screaming
at me.
550
00:19:58,263 --> 00:19:59,764
No, you stop
screaming at me!
551
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,266
Bill, you're
the most selfish,
552
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,767
insecure,
egotistical freak
553
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:03,769
it has ever been
my misfortune
554
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,270
to work with.
555
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,273
He is the most selfless,
humble, and confident man
556
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:11,276
it has ever been my pleasure
to work with,
557
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:14,779
and I realize I should probably
wrap up my remarks now.
558
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,281
AUDIENCE: Aw...
559
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,783
No, no, no. Please. Please.
560
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,285
So without further ado,
561
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,786
my very good friend
562
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,791
and the finest broadcaster
I know...
563
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:27,292
Bill McNeal.
564
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,307
RASPS: Thank you.
565
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:43,808
I strained my voice today,
566
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,311
so you'll have to bear
with me.
567
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,812
Events like this one
568
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:49,815
always remind me
of a funny story.
569
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:50,816
Speak up!
570
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:54,319
Events like this one
always--[COUGHING]
571
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,828
Oh, I heard you learned
a thing or two
572
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:03,829
about gambling today.
573
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,831
Yeah, I did.
I sure did.
574
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,333
Yeah? Who do you like
this weekend?
575
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,835
I don't like anyone,
quite frankly.
576
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:14,840
Don't like anyone or
anything
577
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,341
related to gambling,
which I suck at.
578
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:17,842
Aw, come on, Matthew.
579
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,845
The only reason
I got into it
580
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,346
was because of you guys.
581
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,847
You know, you guys are
always talking about it,
582
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,850
and I just wanted to,
you know, join the gang.
583
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,853
Listen to me.
How did you do?
584
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,355
I lost every single
bet I placed.
585
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,357
Welcome
to the club.
586
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:33,858
Oh yeah.
Back in the early '70s,
587
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:36,361
I had the worst losing
streak of my life.
588
00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:37,362
Really?
589
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:38,363
Sure. Hell, yeah.
590
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:40,865
I even lost the games
I fixed.
591
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,868
I know. That's exactly
how it was for me today.
592
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:43,869
Well, there you go.
593
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,370
Stuff like that
happens
594
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:46,871
to us gambler types.
595
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:49,875
Yeah, yeah, that does
happen to us gamblers.
596
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:50,876
All right.
597
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,377
Like today, Joe bet me
598
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,379
I couldn't guess which hand
the pencil was in,
599
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:56,381
and I guessed
the wrong one,
600
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,884
even though the pencil
was sticking way out.
601
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:04,889
You don't say.
602
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:13,398
[♪]
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