Original subtitles

Okay, one last thing.

The, uh, snack food over by the coffee machine

is for snacking purposes only.

Meaning what?

Meaning don't make the snacks

your primary dietary source.

Okay? Leave a cookie or two for other people.

Don't look at me.

Hmm?

Don't, please.

Stop it.

No one is looking at you.

Yes, they are, Dave.

Just because I earn next to nothing,

everybody assumes

that I'll eat anything that's free,

and that is simply not true.

No one thinks that.

I do.

Thank you, Bill.

You know what she has for lunch?

Ketchup-packet soup and Tic-Tacs.

I do not, Bill.

Give the girl a raise, already.

It's making me sick.

Aw.

Oh.

Well, that's all I wanted to cover today.

Mr. James, is there something you wanted to say?

Uh, yeah. Thanks, David.

As you all know,

I've been concentrating all my energies lately

on finding a wife.

And how's that going?

Oh, good, good.

I've whittled my original list of 36 candidates

down to 29.

So who'd you eliminate?

Well, with a great deal of reluctance,

I've had to scratch off Loretta Swit.

Already married?

No, not that I know of.

The problem is, no one can seem to locate her.

Sir, is that what you wanted to tell us?

Nope. No.

What I wanted to say was this--

there comes a time in a man's life

when change must occur.

Change, according to the great philosophers,

is a catalyst for--

Yes, Beth?

Uh, sir, may I be excused?

I think I may have some secretarial-type duties.

Okay. Go ahead. I understand that.

Anybody else that's got any real work to do

can go ahead,

and anybody who wants to stay here

and hear what I have to say

can just... go ahead and stay here.

So what's up?

I'm selling the station.

I'm sorry.

I thought I heard you say--

You heard right.

I am currently in negotiations

to sell WNYX,

which is why I wanted to tell you people about it

before you read it in the papers tomorrow.

Um, I think someone should check on Matthew.

Come on, sweetie.

One foot in front of the other.

Sir, who are you

in negotiations with?

Robertson Communications.

They own a whole bunch of AM stations,

but they're good people.

This is completely bogus. Completely bogus.

Joe, what exactly is so bogus about it?

I don't know.

There's something bogus in there somewhere.

This is very upsetting.

Yes. This really is a shock.

I know. I know.

Which is why I wanted to spend a moment with you people,

make sure you were okay.

Okay, good. That was a nice moment.

Where are you going?

I'm going to a meeting with the Robertson people.

You know what? I love the smell

of a negotiating room in the morning.

It smells like, uh...

"Like victory."

What?

"Like victory," Apocalypse Now.

Dave, I'd love to stand here and talk movies with you,

but I got a deal to close. I'll see you, people.

Wait a minute.

Is that it?

No one's going to... no one's going to do anything?

You're all just going to sit there and do nothing.

No, sir.

I for one am going to go get a cup of coffee.

No sale. No sale.

Come on, guys. No sale.

No sale! No sale!

No sale!

No sale! No sale! No sale!

Matthew, be careful.

Aah!

[♪]

What do you know

about these Robertson Communications people?

Nothing at all.

Are they the sort of people

that are going to come in here

and just fire everyone, or--

No. Let's just calm down. All right?

There's no reason to panic about this.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

They're not going to come in and

fire everybody. No.

They'll probably just... hold us all to our contracts,

and then change the format to soft rock of the '70s

until we all get so sick

of listening to "Afternoon Delight"

that we kill ourselves,

and then they'll hire new people to fill our positions.

That imagination of yours is an absolute curse.

Yeah. I know.

My parents wouldn't let me watch television.

You know anything about Robertson Communications?

No.

How about you? Nope.

I do. Joe?

You want to hear it? Yes.

All right. The last station they bought,

they fired half the staff

and made everyone else take pay cuts.

All right, where did you hear this?

The guy down at the deli told me,

but it's definitely true.

Okay, that's great.

They're going to fire half the staff

and make everyone else take pay cuts.

Hey, you guys? You guys?

I just bought this jacket. Should I take it back?

I don't know.

Okay. It's just that I really, really like it,

so if you know of any reason at all--

I don't know.

Okay, okay. It's just it was really expensive--

We don't know.

Okay, fine.

P.S. Did you guys hear

about the last station Robertson owned?

Yes. They fired half the staff...

And made everyone else get haircuts.

They can't do that, can they, Dave?

All right. The rumors are flying out here.

Oh, they're flying in here too.

What did you hear?

That at the last station Robertson bought,

they eliminated half-and-half

and made everybody eat cold cuts.

That makes no sense.

What are they, Dave--

some kind of dairy or meat processing conglomerate?

Well.

Well.

I recorded those promos you wanted.

I did a few different variations,

gave you a few choices. Have a listen.

I will.

Uh, Bill?

Are you not the least bit concerned

that this station is up for sale?

Well, look on the bright side.

Maybe these Robertson people

will send over some free cheese and salami samples

from one of their factories.

Aren't you worried about losing your job?

Why should I? My job's secure.

Well, what if they change the format?

Yeah, what if they don't need a news announcer?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I have other talents.

WNYX, your home for the hits in New York city.

DRAWL: WNYX, all country, all western, all the time.

Con millionas voltas, WNYX,

tiene los "hits" español de la Nueva York.

Thank you.

WNYX, ala cala moshala

ha mala shulo New York!

Okay, Okay.

You made that one up.

Ula kuru ma hayo ha kala hy amon!

What are you doing?

Black armbands.

We're all going to wear them.

I mean, I only have two right now, but...

You only have two?

Well, yeah. They're actually my socks.

Aw, get away from me, you barefooted freak.

Something must be done, Bill.

Action must be taken.

Why don't you handcuff yourself

to your desk or something?

Yeah, right.

Where am I going to find a pair of handcuffs?

Yours is not to reason why Yours is but to do and die

John Keats, 1776.

Well, what if I have to go to the bathroom or something?

Going to the bathroom is a privilege you just may lose

if you sit idly by in these troubled times, my friend.

I'll cuff myself to a chair.

Now you're talking.

Okay, listen up, people.

In protest

of the possible sale of this station,

I am now going to handcuff myself to the chair.

My voice will be heard.

Where'd you get the cuffs, dude?

Bill.

In fact, this is, uh, all Bill's idea.

Cool. Ha ha!

Ah. Mr. James.

Why, hey there, Matthew.

So, word travels fast, huh?

Nice, uh, nice bracelets.

Yeah. I got your attention now, don't I?

Well, you certainly do.

Now, uh... now what happens?

You listen to a list of my demands,

which include--

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You mean this isn't a magic trick?

No. It's a protest.

Oh.

Hey, Dave.

Well, it's about time.

Look, the Robertson people

are coming over for a walk-through.

Let's see if we can get them out of here

before Matthew sets himself on fire, huh?

I just don't understand why you're doing this.

No, no, hey. I didn't seek these people out.

They sought me out.

We started to talk, a relationship developed.

I'm just going to have to play this out,

see what happens, you know.

All right, but it doesn't make any sense.

Mr. James, there's someone here

from Robertson Communications for you.

Oh, thanks, Bethie. Hey. Hey.

Very impressive operation you've got here.

Thank you. Thank you, Jane, and you certainly...

brighten the place up.

Dave, this is Jane Robertson,

president and CEO of Robertson Communications.

Hi. Nice to meet you, Miss Robertson.

It is Miss Robertson, isn't it?

Yes. Nice to meet you too.

Miss Robertson...

would you mind giving Mr. James and I

a moment alone, please?

No.

We'll do this, and you go out and meet the staff.

I'd like that.

Oh, um, what's the deal on the kid with the handcuffs?

I don't know. I don't think he works here.

Ho ho, I don't believe you.

What?

She's one of your wife candidates.

No! Aw...

No!

Oh, yes, she is.

Well, yeah, but, I mean,

she wasn't one of the original candidates.

It's like I told you. She came to me.

We started to talk, a relationship developed...

And now you're selling her the station.

Sir, you are a whore.

I'm not selling the station.

But, you know, a few hours in the negotiating room,

I think maybe I can win her heart, huh?

Oh, sir, that is so unacceptable.

I mean, to put my staff, to put your staff--

Dave, Dave, Dave,

would you give me a chance here?

Would you give me a chance, please?

Give me...uh, give me till the end of the day.

Otherwise, you know, if I break off negotiations now,

I mean, she's out of here. I'm done.

You amaze me.

This is important to me.

I am tired of sleeping single in a double bed.

Granted, it is the largest, softest,

most expensive double bed available,

But...

it's still, uh, you know, lonely in there.

[SIGH]

Fine.

Till the end of the day?

Yeah. Thanks, Dave.

Okay. Get out there.

Oh, wait a minute, sir. Wait.

All right.

Here you go.

This is good.

Yeah, that's nice. It's a very nice tie.

Let's just brighten you up a little.

All right.

Okay. Good luck.

Check my breath?

No, that's where I draw the line.

Okay.

Hey!

Bill. Ahem. This is, uh...

Jane Robertson, Robertson Communications.

What a great pleasure it is to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Mister...

McNeal. Bill McNeal.

Nice to meet you.

So, what are you hungry for?

Well, I was hoping...

You probably recognize the voice.

I'm Bill McNeal.

No, I'm afraid I don't,

but it was nice to meet you.

Here we go.

You know who I'd like to meet is Catherine Duke.

Con millionas voltas, tiene los "hits" español

de la Nueva York!

Dios mío.

Okay, so the most important thing to remember

Is that we stick together, all right? We are a unit.

They take all of us or they take none of us.

Okay, people, let's go to plan B--

it's every man for himself.

Listen to me.

The last thing we need right now is a power struggle.

Absolutely. I'm with you.

Good.

All those in favor of maintaining a unified front

stay here.

Those of you who'd like to join my splinter group,

meet me in the men's room in five minutes.

Can I please have the floor just for a second? Please?

I just want to say real quick that I met this Robertson woman,

and she's very, very nice, and...

I just want to be unlocked.

You will stay handcuffed to that chair

until Jimmy decides to keep the station.

Bill, please...

What about your hunger strike?

I never said I was on a hunger strike.

Well, start one.

Joe, that's my chair.

I don't see your name on it.

Okay, what's going on?

Well, Matthew's on a hunger strike,

and Bill would like us

to meet him in the men's room.

And we're all going to get fired.

No, I don't think anyone's going to get fired, okay?

All I know is I'm not going to get fired.

And why not?

Because of this.

Why? What does that do?

I'm not sure, but I took it out of the radio transmitter,

and only I know where to put it back.

Now, what if we refuse to go on the air?

Good idea. Give it a try.

If it works, then I'm right there with you.

If these guys don't want to go on the air,

I'd give it a shot.

Paris fell because of people like you.

[ALL ARGUING]

You're going to end up

in a hip-hop station!

You stick with me!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Mr. James is not selling the station.

He's just using this as an excuse

to get close to that Robertson woman.

Why? What?

He's lonely, all right?

Look, the point is it's over,

and we can all relax.

All right? So Joe, please put that back in the transmitter.

Dave? Dave?

And, Bill, would you unlock Matthew?

Uh, the keys are on the top shelf.

Thank you.

Well, what top--

Can you help me with it?

What top--Bill! Oh.

Oh...

It wasn't your breath, was it?

Because I'd feel just terrible--

Dave, Dave,

she broke my heart.

Jane. Yes, Jane.

Wonderful Jane.

How could she do this to me, Dave?

I know, I know, sir, it's hard,

but, you know, there are lots of other women out there, and--

No, no, no, no, it's not that.

It's worse. She made me an offer I can't refuse.

What do you mean?

She actually wants to buy the station.

Well, that's--that's not a bad offer,

but you could--

Oh, my! Mm-hmm.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Well said.

Well, what are you going to do?

I already did it. I sold the station.

That's not exactly the path I would have chosen, but--

Oh, yes, it is.

I thought you loved owning this station.

I do, Cathy, I do,

but you know my personal credo.

Actually, you know, I don't.

It's "Never let your emotions cloud a deal."

That's rule number one.

"Never let your emotions--"

Yeah, I got it.

All right.

I got a question for you. Yeah?

Are the new owners aware of how difficult it's going to be

to run a station without this?

What is that?

I'm not saying,

but I'd advise everybody to take the stairs

instead of the elevator from now on.

I'd like to raise a practical question

at this point.

Mm-hmm.

Why, Jimmy? Why?

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah. I was just on the, uh, elevator,

and it, like, dropped 10 floors

in half a second.

DAVE: Bill, give me the damn keys.

BILL: Fine.

Mr. James, is there anything we could do

to talk you out of this?

All right. I'm all ears.

I'll give you five minutes.

Okay.

Anybody...

anything?

Just give us five more minutes.

Guys, guys, it's been, like, seven hours already.

I'm starting to feel like a giant snooze-box here.

Now, Jimmy, you know in your heart

that the best deal

is to keep this station, right?

Cathy, if I relied on my heart for business advice,

I would have gone broke a long time ago.

Probably would've put all my money

into stuffed animal factories or something.

Well, what about us? We're your friends.

Well, we'll still be friends.

Not if you sell the station.

Some friends.

I got it!

We didn't say the magic word.

Please don't sell the station.

Joe, that's just stupid.

I thought you were trying

to teach us a lesson, manners. I don't know.

All right, look. It's almost 12:00.

Is anybody going to try to talk me out of this?

Nope...

because we don't have to.

Why is that, Matthew?

Well, because I took the liberty

of turning the clock back 10 minutes.

It is actually 12:05,

which means you missed your midnight deadline.

Yes!

Matthew, that 12:00 was just a loose guideline.

I'm dealing with a corporation here,

not magical fairies.

Huh.

All right, every businessman

is essentially a gambler, right?

Yeah, gambling.

The art of getting something for nothing.

The perfect deal. Yes.

Then what do you say we flip for it, huh?

Heads, you sell the station,

tails, you keep it. Huh?

I love it. The ultimate deal. Let's go.

Okay.

Two out of three?

Okay, two out of three.

Three out of five?

All right.

Four out of seven?

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Now you know why I'm rich.

Yeah, Jane, it's Jimmy.

Mr. James, Mr. James, hang on, hang on!

Hang on for a second, Jane.

You keep the station, I will give you...

I'll give you $40.

Oh, 40 big boys! That's beautiful.

All right, I'll give you $49.

$49.

Yeah, that's almost $50 of my own money,

Which is like...

a whole lot of my salary.

But you know what?

I can go without lunches for a month,

so that's fine.

How about 60?

about 49...

.25, plus a piece of gum?

Beth--

Mr. James, that's all I got.

Now you can sell the station

for millions,

or you can keep the station,

which is worth millions of dollars,

plus you make 50 bucks.

Yeah, uh...

No, I'm sorry to keep you on hold, Jane.

Uh-huh.

Well, guess what?

Yeah, I'm going to have to pass.

Yeah. A better offer came along.

What can I tell you? I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Bethie, Bethie, pay up here.

There you go.

Thank you.

Wait, whoa, whoa--and?

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.

Oh, jeez, I didn't know it was ABC gum.

You failed to ask, sir.

Hmm. Sneaky. I got to respect that.

Tasty too.

Uh-huh.

Good night, people.

Good night, Mr. James.

Okay, seeing as the crisis is now over,

and it's many hours past normal quitting time,

what do you say we go out and get really really drunk?

Whoo-whoo!

Can you buy my drinks, Dave?

You got it.

Thank you.

No hard feelings about the cuffs?

No, no. Hey, come on. I'll buy you a drink.

Thanks. Oh, can I have my cuffs back?

Oh, I already gave them to you.

No, you didn't.

They're around your left ankle.

Good night, Bill.

Matthew!

So Joe was right?

This was some sort of a weird trick

to teach us a lesson?

No. Look. It was a better deal.

It was a better deal, plain and simple.

You still don't get the beauty of that, do you?

To be honest, I don't get it. I really don't.

All right, all right, listen up.

Getting millions of dollars out of a corporation,

that's nothing. That's done every day,

but getting almost 50 bucks out of a secretary

who's going to have to brown-bag it

for the rest of the month,

son, that's a deal you write home about.

Uh-huh.

Okay, what?

Just admit it.

Admit what?

Admit that this station means something to you

and the people that work here mean something to you--

Of course they do.

And that's why you didn't sell.

No, that's just crazy.

It was a sound business decision, and that's it.

Oh, come on. Just admit it.

You let emotion cloud the deal.

Just between you and me.

Okay, what's it worth to you?

Uh, five bucks?

$10?

$7.50? $8.00?

Done.

Okay.

These people mean the world to me.

They're not like employees. They're like family.

I can't imagine anything worse than having to part with them.

There. You satisfied?

Yes.

Great. Nice doing business with you, Dave.

5, 6, 7--Whoa!

I'm on a hot streak here. I can't lose!

See you.

Joe?

Sorry, boss.

I'm still trying to figure out where this one goes.

[♪]