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1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,071
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,073
Look, it's Santa!
3
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:09,075
Lisa, it's Santa!
4
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,576
Happy holidays,
young lady.
5
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,078
Oh, thank you, Santa.
6
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,080
Beth, a whole
dollar. Wow.
7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,582
Well, actually, I just wanted to
get 4 quarters to do my laundry.
8
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,584
Thanks so much.
9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,091
Oh, ho! Merry Christmas,
good sirs!
10
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,092
Merry Christmas.
11
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,094
And a merry Christmas
to you, Mr. Kringle.
12
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,595
Might I
call you "Kris"?
13
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,599
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
I don't see why not.
14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:36,102
Say, can I let you in on
a little Christmas secret?
15
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,604
A Christmas secret.
How very jolly.
16
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,607
You coming,
Bill?
17
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,608
Just a second.
18
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,109
Come closer.
19
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611
I am going to kill you.
20
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:47,614
Pardon?
21
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616
You heard me,
Bill McNeal.
22
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,117
I'm gonna murder you
with my bare hands,
23
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,619
you useless sack
of human garbage.
24
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,623
Oh, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas, my dear!
25
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,124
I hope you're not
gonna bring me
26
00:00:58,124 --> 00:00:59,625
a lump of coal
this year, Santa.
27
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,128
Not if you've been good.
28
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,630
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
29
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:08,134
You're a dead man.
30
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:09,135
Come on, Bill.
31
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,636
Bill,
come on.
32
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,639
That man just
threatened to kill me.
33
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140
What man?
34
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,142
That Santa Claus man.
35
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,644
Oh, yeah.
We've had our eye
36
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:22,148
on that Santa Claus
for a long time now.
37
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,150
I'm serious.
38
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,152
That man threatened me
with physical violence.
39
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:30,156
He knows my name, and I want him
out of this building now.
40
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,657
Yo, Santa!
41
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,160
You been harassing
the captain here?
42
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,163
Ho, ho, ho!
Happy holidays!
43
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,169
This is a joke,
right?
44
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,670
Who put you
up to this?
45
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,673
It was those goofballs
in ad sales, wasn't it?
46
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:47,674
No.
47
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,175
I wanna rip off
your arms and legs
48
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,676
and shove them
down your throat!
49
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,179
How's that for
a joke, bastard?
50
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,680
Ho, ho, ho!
51
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:57,183
Bill, come on, I can't hold
the elevator forever, you know.
52
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,685
Why don't you just send Santa
a letter like the other kids do.
53
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,191
I'll help you pick
these up, Bill.
54
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:06,692
Bi-- Bill!
55
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:09,195
Hey, Dave,
merry Christmas.
56
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,696
Careful, Matthew.
57
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,699
Whoa! That was
a close one.
58
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,200
Okay, here,
just take my hand.
59
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,701
No, I'm fine.
60
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,706
[♪]
61
00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:53,739
Okay. It is now my pleasure
to present to you...
62
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,742
our present
to Mr. James.
63
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:56,743
[GASPS]
64
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,244
Oh, wow!
65
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,246
A framed shirt.
66
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,747
It's not just a shirt.
67
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:05,251
It is an authentic 1927 New York
Yankees baseball jersey,
68
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,253
autographed by Joe Dugan,
Jimmy's favorite player.
69
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,755
Jumpin' Joe Dugan?
Are you serious?
70
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,759
Way to go, Lisa,
Way to go!
71
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,260
Wait a second.
72
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,263
I chipped in $75
to buy the man
73
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,765
a dirty shirt
in a frame?
74
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,769
What is this,
some kind of pyramid scheme?
75
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,270
No--
76
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:25,771
Hey, somebody starting
a pyramid scheme?
77
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,273
I'd like to
get in on that.
78
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:29,776
Mr. James?
Yeah?
79
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,278
On behalf of all
the staff here...
80
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,779
Merry Christmas.
81
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,284
Well, thank you!
82
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,785
Thank you, all,
for this--
83
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,288
this wonderful...
84
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,290
shirt in a frame.
85
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,792
[WHISTLES]
86
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,294
Look a little
closer, sir.
87
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,295
Huh?
Yeah.
88
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,796
Look just--
89
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,798
No, wait a minute.
90
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,300
Wait a minute.
91
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,301
This isn't
an autographed
92
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,303
Jumpin' Joe Dugan
jersey, is it?
93
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,304
LISA: Yep.
94
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,805
We thought
you'd like it.
95
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,809
Well, I do!
I'm really touched.
96
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
Thank you.
Thank you, all.
97
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,311
You're welcome.
98
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,812
You're welcome,
sir.
99
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,315
You know what,
it kind of makes me wish
100
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:10,816
I'd gotten
you guys something.
101
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,819
Oh, that's all right.
102
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,321
I'm kidding!
It's in the hallway.
103
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:16,822
Go on and get it.
104
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,826
Wait, Lisa, how much do I owe
you for Mr. James' present?
105
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,328
Well, just consider it
my Christmas present to you.
106
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,331
Oh, thank you! Wait. Does that
mean I don't get a real present?
107
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:28,334
Here you go, Lisa.
Beth, there's yours.
108
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:31,337
All right. Now,
everybody got one?
109
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,838
ALL: Yes.
Is everybody excited?
110
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,340
ALL:
Yes!
111
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,841
All right.
On your mark...
112
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,343
get set...
113
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,844
open those suckers!
114
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,850
Huh? Huh?
115
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,353
Baseball caps?
116
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,355
With...
117
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,856
with our names
on them.
118
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,859
Yeah!
119
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,361
Well, come on, don't
stand there gawking at them.
120
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:58,364
Put them on. Put them on.
Put them on.
121
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,366
Oh...
122
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,869
Thank you,
sir.
123
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,371
Well, you're welcome
124
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,873
Dave, Matthew, Catherine,
Beth, Joe, Lisa, and Bill.
125
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:11,878
Now, get back to work, you
naughty little monkeys, you.
126
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,379
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, sir.
127
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,380
Thank you!
128
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,381
Thank you.
129
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,385
What a colossal
rip off!
130
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,887
Come on. These are
terrific gifts.
131
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,390
Yeah, for a
little league team.
132
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,394
With attention
deficit disorder.
133
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,895
I really hate to have
to say this,
134
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,397
but it is the thought
that counts.
135
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,399
Yeah, and these
are the results
136
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,902
of a really cheap,
crappy thought.
137
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404
Well, I, for one,
138
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:41,407
intend to wear mine
with pride, so there.
139
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:45,411
Well, you've bested us
once again... Dan.
140
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,915
Gotcha! Ha, ha!
141
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,917
And this concludes
the only enjoyment
142
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:54,921
any of us will ever get
out of these stupid hats.
143
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:58,424
I have a problem. Can we
talk in your office?
144
00:05:58,424 --> 00:05:59,425
Sure.
145
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,426
Thanks.
146
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,927
And for Pete's sake,
take that off.
147
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,430
It makes you look
like a 12-year-old.
148
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:07,433
I'm sorry. I thought
it was the hat.
149
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,445
You promise
not to laugh?
150
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,447
Yes, I promise.
151
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,448
What about her?
152
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,950
No, Bill, she
won't laugh either.
153
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,454
The Santa Claus in the lobby
wants to kill me.
154
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,961
[BETH LAUGHING]
155
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:39,465
The Santa Claus wants
to do what, Bill?
156
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:42,468
Beth, what have I told you
about eavesdropping?
157
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,969
Ha, ha, ha!
158
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,473
Fine. Forget it...
159
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,475
but let's see how you feel
when I end up
160
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:52,478
with the business end of a candy
cane stuck through my neck!
161
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,986
Okay, how many stalkers has
he had this year? Four? Five?
162
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,487
No, six, actually.
163
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,989
Because remember when he thought
that one stalker was actually
164
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,992
identical twins,
stalking him in shifts?
165
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,494
JOE: I don't believe this!
166
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,995
All right, all right,
the hats suck. Fine.
167
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,497
No. Look,
it's even worse.
168
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,998
He just ironed
this patch
169
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,500
over the names of one
of his other companies.
170
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:19,505
Hey, mine, too. Look at that,
"Bayshore Sheet Metal."
171
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,006
He didn't even buy
these for us.
172
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,509
No, look, mine says
"Beth" underneath. See?
173
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,512
"Passaic Mini-Storage"?
174
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:32,518
Oh, wait, "Bethel
Lighting and Electric."
175
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,520
Look, regardless of where
the hats came from,
176
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,022
it is still the thought
that counts.
177
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,524
You know what?
178
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:42,027
That means a lot,
coming from you...
179
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,529
Rockaway Lumber.
180
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,533
Okay, this sucks.
181
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:52,037
But you know--
No. This just sucks.
182
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,540
Hey, gang, great,
great present!
183
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,041
Thanks again.
184
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,044
And thank you again.
185
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:02,048
Yeah. It was a bitch getting
this out of the frame,
186
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:07,053
but nothing fits better
than a dead man's shirt.
187
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:09,555
Sir, can I talk to you in my
office for a moment?
188
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,057
Hey, did you see these
authentic sweat stains?
189
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:19,065
Hey, what up, G?
You down with O.P.P.?
190
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,069
Well, you know me.
191
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:27,072
Um, sir, I--
192
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:30,076
Well, first, let me thank you
once again for--
193
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,577
for the hat.
194
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,580
You're-- you're
quite welcome, Dave.
195
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,583
Yeah. Um,
now, sir,
196
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:41,086
the staff, um,
while grateful,
197
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,588
while very
grateful,
198
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,590
are just a little
disappointed in what they--
199
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,591
Get to the point, Dave.
200
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:48,594
Everyone hates
the hats.
201
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,596
What do you mean?
202
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,598
It's just that everyone
put a lot of thought
203
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,599
into their present
for you.
204
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,100
And it doesn't seem
like you
205
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,103
put much thought
into their presents.
206
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,105
What are you
talking about?
207
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,107
I put all their names
on them, see?
208
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:04,110
See, "Dave." That's your name.
209
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,612
Yes, but, sir,
they're leftover hats.
210
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,614
Matthew's says
"Matthew" on it, right.
211
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:09,615
Yes.
212
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:10,616
And Joe's says
"Joe" on it.
213
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,618
Yes, sir, I think
everyone comprehends
214
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:16,121
the internal logic
of the item itself.
215
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:19,125
It's just that the gesture
seems a little...
216
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,126
impersonal.
217
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,129
Well, I don't know,
I thought these were so cool,
218
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,132
I got one for myself, see?
219
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,634
Oh, well, that's very nice,
Mr. James
220
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,636
but what does it say
underneath the patch?
221
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,139
Huh? I don't know.
Let me see.
222
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:37,143
Uh, "Jimmy James,
Incorporated."
223
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,145
See, that's not so bad.
224
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:42,148
Now, but what if you
didn't own the company?
225
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,649
Well, then,
that would suck.
226
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,150
Uh-huh.
227
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,653
Okay, all right.
I see what you mean.
228
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,154
You know what,
I'm gonna make this right.
229
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,656
I'm gonna make it right,
right now.
230
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,157
Well, thanks, sir.
231
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,160
Again, I feel really awkward
about even having to--
232
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,161
mention it.
233
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,667
Okay, you coconuts,
come on. Step lively.
234
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,169
Hey, Lorenzo, Junior,
what's up?
235
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,171
Jimmy James,
my man.
236
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,173
Above average hat,
sir.
237
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,174
Nice hat, sir.
238
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:11,677
Hey, hey!
239
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:12,678
Careful now.
240
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,680
I think the Santa Claus
over there
241
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,182
might be packing
a piece, you know.
242
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,687
Hello, future corpse.
Prepare to die!
243
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,689
Merry Christmas!
244
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:28,193
Okay, so gang, what it is,
I decided to take some time
245
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,696
and get you each
a personal gift.
246
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:34,199
But we already have
those wonderful hats.
247
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,702
Yeah. Matthew, I remembered
that you once mentioned
248
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:39,705
you liked old-time
radio comedies.
249
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,707
Oh, you bet I do--
250
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,709
from the golden age
of broadcasting
251
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,712
when they didn't have to do
all that dirty stuff.
252
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,714
Yeah. Well,
I got you
253
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:51,717
the best old-time
radio comedy of them all:
254
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,719
"Fibber McGee and Molly."
255
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:56,221
Oh, wow! I can't--
256
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,724
Oh, look at that.
Thanks.
257
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,726
I can't wait to
listen to these.
258
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,728
Well, you're welcome,
Matthew.
259
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,730
And, uh, the rest of you...
260
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,732
I got you each a Miata.
261
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,235
ALL:
What?
262
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:13,239
Yeah! Beth, that red one's
yours. It matches your hair.
263
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,741
Cathy, the blue one's because
that's your favorite color.
264
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:16,742
Which one's mine?
265
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,243
Then I sort of
got impatient--
266
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,245
Which one's mine,
mine, mine?
267
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,747
Go pick one out!
Go ahead!
268
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:24,249
Aah! You really
got us cars!
269
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,251
Yes, I did.
270
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,254
So, Dave, how--
uh, how'd I do?
271
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,757
Well, those are very
thoughtful gifts, sir,
272
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,258
and very generous.
273
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,261
It was very...
very, very--
274
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,763
All right, there's
no need for tears here.
275
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,265
It's just a six-pack
of sports cars.
276
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,768
God bless us,
everyone!
277
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,269
Drive safe.
I got to go.
278
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,271
Merry Christmas,
sir.
279
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,272
Merry Christmas!
280
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,273
Wahoo!
281
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,775
[HONKS HORN]
282
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,276
Bill, please,
enough with the horn, okay.
283
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,778
Wahoo-hoo!
284
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,780
Hey. Hey, Dave,
285
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,281
what'd you get?
286
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:58,784
Um...
287
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,288
a sports car.
288
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,293
Oh. I got tapes.
289
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,295
And we all got cars!
Wahoo!
290
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,297
[HONKS HORN]
291
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,298
Okay, well,
I gonna head upstairs
292
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,299
and I'll be in the office,
293
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,301
listening to
my old radio tapes
294
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:17,303
if anybody wants
to come up and join me.
295
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,806
Screw that! Anyone want
to take a ride in my car?
296
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:24,810
I'll be upstairs.
Listening to my tapes.
297
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,313
Poor guy.
298
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
Why do you think Jimmy
didn't give him a car?
299
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:33,819
I don't know.
He must be crushed.
300
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:36,321
I felt crushed
just looking at him.
301
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,824
Me too.
Maybe Mr. James--
302
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:42,327
Do you think these cars
have CD players?
303
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,329
Matthew!
304
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,334
I'm telling you, Joe,
as soon as I get off work,
305
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:52,838
I'm taking my baby out on the
expressway with the top down.
306
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,840
Oh, yeah!
307
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,343
I have a car!
I have a car!
308
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,845
I don't even own a TV,
309
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:03,348
but I have a car!
310
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,351
Hey, anyone besides me
a little concerned
311
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,353
that Matthew
didn't get a car?
312
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,359
Yeah, well, maybe
a little bit. Yeah.
313
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,861
JOE: Look at him,
just sitting there
314
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,863
listening to
those dopey tapes.
315
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:20,866
Don't do it, McGee.
316
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,367
Brave little soldier,
317
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,370
retreating from
the pain of reality
318
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:28,374
to his own private world
of hollow laughter.
319
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,375
Come on.
320
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,377
Yeah, Catherine,
we all feel badly for him,
321
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:36,382
but there's no need to make it
sound like The Deer Hunter.
322
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,883
Oh, no. Oh, no...
323
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,384
Oh, yeah!
324
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,887
Dave, ask Mr. James
to buy him a car, too.
325
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,889
No.
Why not?
326
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:44,890
Look, I'm no
etiquette expert,
327
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,391
but I think when someone
is generous enough
328
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893
to give you
six sports cars,
329
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:51,897
it's in bad form to
ask for a seventh.
330
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:55,400
MATTHEW: Oh, don't open
that closet, McGee.
331
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902
BILL:
What's going on?
332
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:59,404
We're trying to figure out
what to do about Matthew.
333
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,407
Oh, well, I was hoping
it would never come to this,
334
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:05,911
but I think you
should fire him.
335
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,412
No...
336
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,415
we're not talking
about firing him.
337
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,417
He's very upset about
not getting a car.
338
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:15,921
Oh, no...
339
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,423
Why don't you just ask
Jimmy to give him a car.
340
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,927
In fact, while you're at it,
I sort of wanted a blue one.
341
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930
[GIGGLES]
342
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:29,935
So Jimmy could give
my old car to the freak.
343
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,938
[MATTHEW LAUGHING]
344
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:35,941
Matthew, are you
okay, there?
345
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,442
What? I'm sorry.
346
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,944
Are you all right?
Are you okay?
347
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:43,448
Yeah. It's just
these tapes are...
348
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:46,452
There's this one part where
Fibber comes up to a closet,
349
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,954
and he goes to open the closet,
he's about to open the closet
350
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:52,457
And all the stuff in the closet
comes crashing down.
351
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:56,962
Oh, is that what
that sound is?
352
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,964
Oh, that's
even funnier!
353
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,468
Matthew...
354
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,969
Matthew?
355
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,971
Matthew?
What?
356
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,472
Are you sure
you're all right?
357
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,475
I'm sorry, am I laughing
too loud?
358
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,976
No.
No.
359
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,478
Matthew, just because
Mr. James didn't give you a car,
360
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,481
doesn't mean he doesn't
care about you.
361
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,484
Oh, I get it.
362
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,487
You guys are jealous.
363
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,990
Oh, Matthew.
364
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,992
You are because you know
365
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:29,494
that I'm gonna have these tapes
for the rest of my life,
366
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,997
and at the end of the month,
or whatever,
367
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:37,002
you're gonna have to return your
cars back to the rental agency.
368
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,508
You're it.
369
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:48,013
Matthew, the cars,
uh, aren't rentals.
370
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,516
What's that?
371
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,518
The cars...
372
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,020
aren't rentals.
373
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:59,024
What, did Mr. James
go and buy you all cars?
374
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,527
Yes, he did.
375
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,035
Huh.
376
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,538
Huh!
377
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,041
Huh!
378
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,043
Huuh!
379
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,544
Matthew, take it
easy, sweetie.
380
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,046
No, no, let me
get this straight.
381
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,047
You all got cars?
382
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,048
Yeah.
383
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:25,050
Everybody got a car.
Yes.
384
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,053
And I got some scratchy tapes
of some stupid, old, dead people
385
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:31,056
telling a lot of jokes about
junk falling out of a closet?
386
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,561
But it is the thought
that counts.
387
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,563
Oh yeah, that's
easy for you to say
388
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,064
when you're driving around
the office
389
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:41,066
in your brand-new car!
390
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,567
Okay, Matthew,
in the spirit of Christmas,
391
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:45,070
I would like...
392
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,071
to give you my car.
393
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,072
Don't want it.
394
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,073
Please...
395
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,574
please,
take the car.
396
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,577
Please, Matthew,
take Dave's car.
397
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,578
Take Dave's car.
398
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,579
Take Dave's car.
399
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,080
Good day, sir!
400
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:58,083
LISA: Oh, Matthew,
come on.
401
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,585
Ha, ha, ha!
402
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:04,089
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
403
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,091
Ha, ha!
404
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,601
All right, okay, I'm here.
Now, what's so urgent?
405
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,605
Well, I hardly know
how to put this, because...
406
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,106
Well, you've been
so generous--
407
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,608
Oh, what the hell
they want now?
408
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,611
Hard tops? White walls?
Rumble seats? What?
409
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,112
No, no, no, sir,
don't get me wrong.
410
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:28,613
The cars
are incredible.
411
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,115
Everyone
loves the cars.
412
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,616
What's the problem?
413
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,119
Matthew.
414
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,621
Oh, all right.
I'll go talk to him.
415
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,126
Matthew?
416
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,129
Matthew?
417
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,632
Matthew.
418
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,137
How you enjoying
those tapes?
419
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,638
Okay, I guess.
420
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,641
If you like
that sort of thing.
421
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,145
Would you rather
have a car?
422
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,647
A car? Why would
I want a car?
423
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,149
Everybody else
got a car except me,
424
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:06,651
which, I guess,
makes me special.
425
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:09,654
I'm much happier
with my stack of tapes
426
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:13,158
of an old-time radio show
427
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,659
that I don't even
really like
428
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,162
because the one
I do like is JackBenny,
429
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,664
which you would know if you or
anybody else in this office
430
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,167
ever paid any attention
to who I really am.
431
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,673
Matthew, I gave you
Fibber McGee and Molly.
432
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,174
I know.
433
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:32,177
Thirty-two wonderful hours
434
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,679
of crap falling out
of a closet.
435
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,182
Matthew, I don't think
you understand.
436
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,185
See, I gave you
Fibber McGee and Molly.
437
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,686
I own the rights
to the show.
438
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,188
Now I'm giving them
to you.
439
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,689
Now you own the rights
to the show
440
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,692
and all
the characters in it.
441
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,694
Really?
442
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,698
Yeah. Anyone wants to make
a TV show or movie about them,
443
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,199
they got to go
through you.
444
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,202
What about t-shirts?
445
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,704
Well, yeah, T-shirts,
coffee cups, uh,
446
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:02,207
greeting cards,
foreign rights, pay-per-view,
447
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,708
they all got to go
through you.
448
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,210
What about commercials?
449
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,711
What were you
thinking about?
450
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:11,216
Fibber McGee and Pepsi.
451
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:12,717
All right! Good.
452
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,219
Thank you, Mr. James.
453
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:18,223
Now, anybody else got a problem
with their Christmas gift?
454
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,735
[METAL CLINKING]
455
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,753
Why are you
doing this to me?
456
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:50,255
Do I have your complete
attention, Bill McNeal?
457
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,256
Yes.
458
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,758
Good. My name's
Sam Belford.
459
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:54,760
I'm a communications major
460
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,261
trying to break
into broadcasting.
461
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,766
I know this is kind
of a silly stunt, but uh,
462
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:02,768
you won't soon
be forgetting
463
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,770
the name Sam Belford,
am I right?
464
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,772
And now I'd like
to present you
465
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,273
with a copy
of my demo tape.
466
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:17,782
You did all this to get me
to listen to your demo tape?
467
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,784
Yes.
468
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,787
You're gonna go places
in this business, son.
469
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,791
All that for a demo tape!
470
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:27,292
So, you'll listen to it?
471
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:29,294
Sure, I will, kid.
472
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:30,295
You've got real--
473
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:31,296
Chutzpah?
474
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,298
I'm sorry?
Chutzpah.
475
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:36,301
I'm not familiar
with that term.
476
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:37,802
You know
what I mean.
477
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,305
Thank you, Mr. McNeal.
I really appreciate it.
478
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,806
What can I say?
479
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,810
You remind me of a young me.
480
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:45,811
Thank you.
481
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:58,323
I almost forgot...
482
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,325
Merry Christmas.
483
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,827
You know, a guy
feels like giving up,
484
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:06,331
and then he meets
someone like you.
485
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:09,334
I guess that's what
Christmas is all about.
486
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,338
Amen to that.
487
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:14,339
Thanks.
488
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:24,349
Merry Christmas, mister...
489
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:25,850
Bleford.
490
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:33,859
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING]
491
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:45,870
Hello, Mr. McNeal.Sam Belford here.
492
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,874
Remember me?Prepare to die!
493
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,879
Ha, ha. Good. Gotyour attention again, huh?
494
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,380
Because this time,I'm not joking.
495
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,382
Check your brakes.
496
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,888
Merry Christmas,dead man!
497
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:07,892
[TIRES SCREECHING,
HORN HONKING]
498
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:14,900
[♪]
34322
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