Original subtitles

To my parents, Suzanne and Armand

I'll kill you!

I'll kill you, Alfred!

Stupid cops! What will they make of this?

That you choked on a sweet,

strangled in a curtain,

drowned, shot in the back?

Nobody will think it was me!

Nobody will recognize me after all these years.

Not even you, Alfred.

It won't even be a murder!

I'll only take back what's mine.

The life you stole from me the day I was born.

My life!

My life!

God wasn't paying attention, picking his nose

and you lived my life for me!

You thief!

You've been smoking again?

It's so simple. So perfect.

I just ring your doorbell...

You open the door, and bang!

Bang!

You don't even know it's me. You don't recognize me!

You don't even know why [ fired... But I do!

I haven't forgotten a thing, Alfred.

Not a thing!

You've stolen my life and love.

I haven't lived. Nothing ever happened to me.

Nothing ever happened in this guy's story.

Nothing!

TOTO THE HERO

Once upon a time, there was a nothing

who came from nowhere...

Then he fell... splash!

A big ship found him, and took him to his parents.

That's what his mother told him.

Then he met his mum and dad.

They said his name was Thomas Van Hasebroeck.

And that was that.

His mother called him "the baby".

And baby used to sing:

Ding-dong, the firemen, going to a fire

I didn't start it

It's the little chap

Then his mother danced.

When you wee-wee, first it's hot,

and then it's cold. It smells funny.

Mum smells nicer than dad.

When you hit mum, she screams.

When you pull the cat's tail, he screams.

The plane doesn't scream.

You can throw it or kick it.

In the morning, dad kisses mum, and mum kisses her little boy.

That's me!

In the morning, dad goes behind the door.

If you look, he's not there: He's at work.

In the evening, dad opens the door. He was behind the door,

but you couldn't see him because he was behind it.

Dad is funny.

When he hides you can't see him.

At night, everything is dark. You can't see anything.

When cats are dead, they can't see either.

The nice cat just lies there.

They have a good rest.

Abracadabra!

The sweet is gone. It's working.

Daddies are misters,

There's another daddy next door.

But he's not the same as my daddy.

But he's not the same as my daddy.

I was born in a fire.

Mummy says it's not true. But I remember.

Mummy says it's not true. But I remember.

I do remember...

The boy next door is called Alfred.

He has the same birthday as me.

Hey, Alfred!

I've got something to tell you.

What do you want, Van Chickensoup?

Your parents are my parents. Not yours.

We were swapped when we were little.

Your parents are mine, and mine are yours!

No one noticed because of the fire.

That's what happened.

Your house and car are mine too.

I swear that if you tell anyone, you're dead!

Got that? I'll kill you!

Kill me then! What are you waiting for?!

The clock goes tick-tock

The birds go splish-splash

The turkeys go gobble gobble

And the bell goes ding-dong... But boom/!

When our heart goes boom!

Everything goes boom with it

It's love, love, love!

Boom! It sings love in bloom

To the rhythm of this boom

Which repeats boom in your ear

Since yesterday everything ls different

And the streets have eyes

There are lilacs, and hands outstretched

The sun will brighten the sea

Boom! The sun goes boom!

When our heart goes boom-boom, Everything goes boom with it

Here's your present!

Daddy is a plane driver.

Mummy doesn't want me to go in a plane. Because it's dangerous.

One day dad fell In mum's garden.

And stayed there.

Then mum smoked a cigarette.

Dad licked mum's hand,

and that's how Alice was born.

Célestin

was born in a washing machine.

That's why he's funny.

Hey! Van Chickensoup and his loony brother!

My name is not Van Chickensoup!

They say you fly like a bird.

Alfred and I saw you at your window trying to fly.

Go on, show us!

Fly a bit over there,

go between the two poles, and come back here. OK?

Leave him alone!

Go on, fly!

No, don't act like a bird! Do something else!

There are only old people here!

I hate old people!

I'm coming, Mr. Kant.

Take care.

All fishing boats have been told to look for the plane.

We'll just have to wait.

I think highly of your husband.

If I'd known, I wouldn't have asked him...

Is it yours?

It's very nice.

Can I see it?

Thomas!

Mr. Kant! I... Excuse me, but...

I have no news about my husband. Nobody will tell me.

I know as little as you. Go home and wait patiently.

- How can I wait patiently? - Leave dad alone!

I'm not responsible for what happened to your husband.

I asked him to fetch some goods from England.

For the opening of my shop. That's all.

I didn't ask him to take any risks.

You asked him to leave in a storm!

Your husband agreed.

I didn't ask him to be a hero.

I just asked him to transport some goods.

What kind of goods?

Marmalade.

We came to warn you... If our dad isn't found,

you'll have to answer to me!

It's going to be awful!

Mr. Kant, you and everybody will pay for it!

So, I hope for you they'll find him soon, if not...

When I grow up, I'll be a secret agent.

Everybody will say: Look! It's Toto the hero!

Young Thomas has become a secret agent!

My mum and dad will be proud of me.

And I'll protect my daddy from nasty Mr. Kant!

Thomas! Help!

Ha, ha, ha! Secret agent!

Secret agent!

- Have you seen Thomas? - He's in his office.

This machine won't leave here until the boss says so.

What about the people in 3107

They have to cross the whole building for a cup of coffee?

Yes... And we have less parking places than anybody else!

And people will say: It's young Thomas!

He's a secret agent now.

Hello, Thomas.

...and I'll marry a princess.

Take it easy, princess.

Yes, that's me?

My mother?

Yes, I'm her son...?

What?

What time is it?

9 minutes past 3.

I hadn't seen mum since...

It's silly. I would have liked to see her just one more time.

I must be home by four.

We've lots of time.

Ask me the time.

It's 9 minutes past 3.

No, you must ask.

But I know the time.

Ask me!

OK. What time is it?

The time it was yesterday at the same time.

You don't get it, do you?

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I'm going to try to change.

Did you know that cigarettes

cause 60% of all cancers.

Alice?!

Alice!

Should we decide that daddy is dead, and that he won't come back?

You think that's better?

...I can hear your heart.

You know, Thomas?

- I'm not called Thomas! - What is your name then?

Toto.

Thomas! Help!

Daddy!

I'm going to rescue my daddy from Mr. Kant.

Are you alright?

Shall I call a doctor.

No, it's alright. It will pass.

Call an ambulance!

You were warned!

You there! What are you hiding?

What are you doing, dirty old man? Don't touch me!

- Excuse me, young lady... - What do you want?

Bastard! Pervert! Sex maniac!

- Fire! - You pervert!

- Great! That's the idea. - What?

We'll burn Kant's house down!

You're crazy! It's dangerous!

Who's crazy?

You are!

- Wait! - Go away!

You want to know where there is some petrol? In the garage.

- What do you want petrol for? - The fire...

Idiots like you don't know anything about fires.

Yes?

Yes?

Have they found daddy?

His plane.

What about him?

They don't know yet.

There's been a call from Dover.

Will you go there?

- I... - You must!

- What will I do with you? - Take Célestin with you.

We'll go to the holiday camp.

You hate camps.

It's not true. I like them!

That should do.

Don't miss the bus tomorrow morning.

Your taxi!

Alice!

You can't use mum's bubble bath!

You're incredible!

Why did you unpack? We're gonna be late for the bus!

Because we're not leaving.

- What? - We're staying here.

Give me the towel.

Are you deaf? The towel!

You never told me you had breasts!

I'm sorry. I thought you'd have read it in the newspapers.

What? It's in the paper?

Poor Thomas!

Is something bothering you? You don't want to stay here?

Me? well... no...

It's OK.

And... if mummy doesn't come back?

We'll just carry on. We won't tell anybody.

We'll stay here together?

We'll never leave each other.

After the holidays, we won't go back to school.

No more trumpet lessons.

What if someone finds out mum isn't here?

We could set fire to the house, and run away.

They'd think we're dead, but we'd be alive.

We'd go far away, and they would never find us.

Nobody will know that mummy isn't here.

It'll be our secret.

I'll carry it.

Why didn't you go to the camp?

What?

The bus came for you. Why didn't you go?

Is your mother here?

Yes.

I doubt it. She'd be tidying up.

- I'm telling you she's here! - I bet she isn't!

And I bet she doesn't even know that you didn't leave!

Ma'am!

Mum is ill in bed. You want to speak to her?

Wait... I'm going to tell her.

Mummy!

She can't come down. The doctor ordered her

to stay in bed.

It wasn't important.

Thanks for dropping by.

- Alright, well... - Bye.

Do you like my nose?

Yes.

Do you think I look like a boy?

No...

Do you think my legs are too skinny?

No.

Are my hands pretty?

Which is the prettiest?

Both of them.

Which do you prefer?

I prefer both of them.

What about the mark?

It's ugly, isn't it?

You can't wash that clean, stupid!

What about my feet?

Aren't they too big?

You know what?

Nefertiti is an Egyptian queen.

So what?

She married her brother. It's allowed in Egypt.

What's that?

A flower. I made it.

- When? - When you weren't looking.

Is it for me?

Can I see it?

Later.

You don't recognize me?

Alfred.

Sit down for a minute.

Well? What do you say?

You haven't said anything.

Don't you want to know how I am?

Very drunk,

and very wealthy.

Thanks to daddy!

Don't tell me...

Married... two children...

and you take your holidays in Spain.

I'm not married,

and I'm spending my holidays right here.

Of course...

Why not?

Remember when we were kids?

You wanted to swap your life for mine.

I often wondered what would have happened.

I have a good life.

So you're the lucky one...

...Van Chickensoup.

Here is my card.

In case you want to visit your old pal.

Go away! You no longer exist!

I'm wiping you out of my memory! You're dead!

What are you doing?

How old do you think I am?

- Where are you going? - To my trumpet lesson.

I thought that was finished.

Look, Thomas... Alfred knows a fantastic dance.

Show him!

What's the matter?

You're completely crazy! What about our secret?

I haven't told him anything!

He'll guess that mum isn't here.

Even if he guesses, he won't tell anybody.

- I'm sure of it! - You're nuts!

Thomas!

The bankruptcy of the Kant Group

has led to violent demonstrations.

The company President, Alfred Kant

Just survived a shooting attempt.

His attackers

have not yet been identified.

Alfred Kant is unhurt and in hiding.

It is rumored that a gang of killers is looking for him.

No. I'm going to kill Alfred.

That's my privilege, and no one else's.

The company President, Alfred Kant

just survived a shooting attempt.

It is rumored

that a gang of killers are looking for him.

Hey! Van Chickensoup is spying!

Why are you following me?

Maybe he's going to throw his knife!

- Buzz off! - Afraid he's better than you?

Van - Chicken - Soup!

Thomas, come back!

I'm not gonna hurt you!

Shit!

What happened to you?

You wanted to set fire to their house.

But you've forgotten already.

Thomas, what happened?

You're in love with Alfred!

You lied!

You're just like the others! You'll never start that fire!

- He did that to you? - You can be in love with him,

but not with me, because I'm your brother!

You're crazy! It's you I love!

I don't care if you're my brother. It's you I love!

So why don't you set fire to his house?

- Is that what you want? - You'll never do it!

If I do it, then you'll believe me?

Alice!

Alice...

Alice!

No!

Don't cry...

We'll rebuild it.

What the hell is this?

And what studies shall it be, young man?

Surveyor.

I don't understand you, Van Hasebroeck.

I think you're making a mistake.

Take a few more days off.

Come back when you're rested.

I've been here too long.

I'm sorry. It's not your fault.

It's... personal.

The piston is a bit jammed.

I'll fix it.

Your address?

Evelyne Deschamps,

28 rue des Bouleaux.

Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you alright?

I didn't do it on purpose.

Do you know me?

No.

I'm going to fetch a doctor. You came to see my husband?

No, it's you I wanted to see.

We have already met.

But of course... I know you.

You were in the music shop.

I overheard your address. I had to speak to you.

- What do you want? - I just want to speak to you.

- About what? - About you.

- Why? - I must see you again.

I would advise you to leave me alone. My husband is home.

Please! I just want to talk!

Go and see a doctor. I'll pay.

- Where can I meet you? - Please... Leave me alone.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I'll go.

Wait.

I have some time tomorrow before the rehearsal.

What more do you want to know?

I'm 31, my parents are teachers, I'm a musician.

Where did you spend your childhood?

In Calais.

- You know Calais? - Not at all.

You see, we don't know each other.

Excuse me... I'm late.

Have a drink with us?

- Your husband? - No, my brother.

Jazz

will take over all music.

It's obvious.

What does your brother think?

I... I don't know.

I don't have a record player.

He loves joking.

Tell us a joke then!

I don't know any.

Sure... Come on!

Ask me the time.

Sorry?

The time... Ask me the time.

What time is it?

The time it was yesterday at the same time.

That's the joke.

Stop it! That's enough!

I don't want to see you anymore!

- Evelyne! Please! - Leave me alone!

- But listen... - It's over! Got it?

Please, Evelyne!

- Madam! - I'll catch her!

Quick! Quick!

- Was I good? - Not bad.

You've got talent.

Do you realize what's happening?

It's green.

I don't want to fall in love with you.

I don't want to kiss you.

Where are you taking me?

I want to introduce you to my family.

You're here. I'm happy.

I'm happy too.

What time is it?

3 minutes to 4.

Tea is at 4.

Célestin, I want you to meet someone.

She's here.

Who?

The mole.

Down there.

I'm following him with my back...

The grass tickles...

...a little... It scratches.

Meet Evelyne.

Your girlfriend?

- Bye bye, Evelyne. - Goodbye.

You can stay here. Good food, no work.

No, I...

- Come on! - Yes, I'm coming.

I'll be right back.

- You notice anything? - No.

Does she remind you of Alice?

- Not at all. - Not at all?

I often have...

that strange and penetrating dream,

of an unknown woman...

whom I love and who loves me.

And every time, she's neither quite the same...

nor completely different... and she loves me...

and understands me...

Is she a brunette...

a blonde or a redhead?

I don't know.

Her name.

I remember it's soft and melodious.

Like life's exiled lovers.

Her gaze

is that of a statue...

And her voice,

distant... calm and grave,

she has...

the inflexion of cherished voices which shall speak no more.

Thomas?

Yes.

Do you like my hands?

Yes.

Which one do you prefer?

- Thomas? - Keep quiet.

- What did I say? - Nothing.

Look at me.

I am me. I can't help it if I remind you of someone else.

It's me who's here.

Me, and nobody else!

Who's there?

I want to live with you!

I want us to leave! Far away.

You come at a strange moment.

I'm out of sorts.

Come in a minute.

Don't mind the mess.

My wife just left me.

They say it happens in the best families.

It takes years for a woman to be perfect.

And when she is...

She flies off!

Excuse me. There's no smoking here.

Did you know that cigarettes cause 60% of all cancers?

Out, out brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow

a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

and then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

signifying nothing!

Daddy!

What a surprise!

Van Chickensoup!

Van - Chicken - Soup!

My name is not Van Chickensoup!

My name is not Van Chickensoup!

No, something more ample with short sleeves.

The gentleman knows what he wants.

But I like it!

Exactly! That's it!

I can get him from here, your Alfred Kant! You let him in.

You see that second window? That's where.

When the phone rings, that's the signal.

No. I'm going to kill you, Alfred.

I know where you're hiding.

May... I help you?

Who are you?

What do you want?

Thomas?! Is that you?!

Hello, Alfred.

You haven't gotten any younger.

You too...

...you've aged.

I heard it's the best way not to die young.

So, what have you been doing all this time?

I don't know.

Probably what...

...I never wanted to do.

I heard you had problems.

I was at your place. Two guys were waiting for you.

Do you remember...

when you wanted to swap lives?

I always envied you.

Your life was so much simpler than mine.

I had the feeling you always did what you wanted.

No, I stopped smoking.

My wife convinced me to stop.

I remarried.

It is not... Evelyne.

I see her from time to time.

We stayed friends.

She missed you very much.

And I missed her too...

For a long time.

You want to see her again?

She's with a group organizing demonstrations.

Thomas?

Evelyne?

I waited so long for you.

You left...

so suddenly, without a word.

It seems life has been good to you.

I... My husband. Wait for me.

Just a minute.

The clock goes tick-tock

The birds go splish-splash

The turkeys go gobble-gobble

And the bell goes ding-dong

But boom! When our heart goes boom!

Everything goes boom with it

It's love, love, love!

Stop here.

May I come in?

- Could you make me a coffee? - Sure.

Thomas? What are you doing?

There's Alfred Kant.

We've got him. Wait for the signal.

Bye bye, daddy.

I always wanted a Chevy.

Now I've got one.

Look! I'm flying!

Alfred! I'm here.

The clock goes tick-tock

The birds go splish-splash

The turkeys go gobble-gobble

And the bell goes ding-dong

But boom! When our heart goes boom!

Everything goes boom with it It's love, love, love!

Boom! It sings love in bloom

That's all!

To the rhythm of this boom

Which repeats boom in your ear