Original subtitles

The digital restoration was carried out using the best elements available today,

a lavender print and a duplicate soundtrack,

which had been preserved together at Cinecittà Studios.

The images were scanned at a resolution of 2K.

After scanning, the images were stabilised and digitally cleaned

to remove the marks of time: spots, lines, scratches and visible splice marks.

Due to the element's state of preservation,

many hours were spent digitally cleaning the images.

The new version has attempted to restore

the brightness and the richness of the original photography.

After the film was acquired, the soundtrack was digitally cleaned

and the background noise caused by use over time was reduced,

but the dynamic nature and particularities of the original sound were preserved.

The restoration was carried out by Cineteca di Bologna

at L'Immagine Ritrovata laboratory in 2011.

THE MACHINE THAT KILLS BAD PEOPLE

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to present the prologue to our story.

What we need is a clear day, a calm sea

and white clouds up in the sky.

Next, a cardboard mountain, deserted, bare and sad,

which I'll cover straightaway with houses.

And here's the town hall with its fountain

and the grand old houses where the rich people live.

Now that I've set the scene, I'll introduce you to the characters.

Layabouts, schemers, boasters,

scoundrels, sluggards, sly foxes and fools,

wretches and bullies, grumblers and curmudgeons...

in the end, handsome or ugly, they're all pretty much like us.

Let the tale start here in all its glory.

Listen and you will all laugh together from the bottom of your hearts.

Here's the gold mine. This is the place.

This is the exact place where I... Sorry, darling.

This is the place where Joe and I came ashore

with thousands of other Americans to drive out the Germans.

- That's right. - Weren't you nervous, Corporal?

Me? What about you, Sergeant?

If I hadn't pushed you up, you'd still be down there.

- So where's the gold mine? - There it is, over there.

You're crazy! That pile of rocks?

Yes, that pile of rocks.

Listen to my idea.

50,000 men came ashore along this coast

and another half-million Americans claim they did.

Now add their wives,

their mothers, their fathers and their girlfriends

and you've got two million people who'd love to come here.

- Two million customers. - Customers for what?

For our hotel. Listen, this is the plan.

We buy that castle and tear it down.

We build a hotel with swimming pools, terraces,

cafés, games rooms, dance halls

and a massive tower where you can see for miles.

Are you sure you can get the land?

I'm sure. I've been working on it for years. I just need permits now.

The mayor's my friend, you know.

We just need the OK from the government, the Arts Council,

the Home Secretary and the Archbishop.

- Anything else? - It's a done deal.

Why so many permits?

It's because of the cemetery.

- What cemetery, Bill? - You see, darling...

There are a lot of rocks here and not much land,

so they put the dead bodies there first

and then move their ashes to the castle.

What? You're real criminals, the pair of you.

You want to dance on top of corpses?

No, don't be silly.

The corpses will be dealt with. Joe's explained it all to me.

The bodies will be moved.

Moved where? Into the sea?

Listen, I've already got another place.

The bodies will be just fine there. No one will disturb them.

I'll show it to you.

"Long live St Andrea."

St Andrea is the town's patron saint. It's his feast day today.

Hurry up or we'll be late.

I hope the mayor will remember me. Many years have gone by.

Of course he will. He'll be keen to do business.

He'll be in a good mood because of the festival.

He's supplied bands, lights, merry-go-rounds, processions, everything.

It's big business, you'll see.

Joe, what have you done?

Why? Here of all places!

It's like I said, you're a pair of criminals.

Be quiet!

- Look under the car. - There's nothing there.

- He's gone over the wall. - No...

Can you see anything?

He was a ghost from the tower.

Come on, let's go. Get in, quick. Let's get out of here.

Don't get all worked up.

- We're in a crazy land here. - I know.

Celestine!

Celestine, hurry up! The saint's coming out.

Bring your camera. They're bringing St Andrea out.

I'm coming. Just a minute.

- Listen, the bells are ringing. - Right.

It's always a big occasion.

Even the bishop came to bless the boats. Did you see him?

Donna Amalia, the Americans are here.

They're staying at Joe's house. He's come back from America.

He can pay back what he owed your father.

- There's the saint. - That's St Andrea.

The whole town owes me money, but nobody's paying up.

I'll send them all to jail, even the mayor.

The town's money...

Look at Donna Amalia, that old money-lending witch.

- Dad... - Watch the procession.

And the deputy mayor. He owes us money too.

Dad, look. It's the Americans who arrived today.

- Where? - Over there. Look.

What a pretty girl.

Hello!

They're staying at Joe's.

- Stop it, Dad. - We know, Giulietta. Look at St Andrea.

That's right, pray to St Andrea.

You'll still all go to hell. You're all scoundrels.

- Move away from there. - Why should we?

Come on, get out of here.

I'm here to take photographs.

- I'm taking photographs. - I'm in charge here.

Understand? I'm in charge here. Move on.

Get out of here!

What do you want at this time of night?

Are you Celestino Esposito?

Yes, why?

I'd like to stay here tonight. The hotels are all full.

I don't have anywhere to put you.

Just give me a chair for the night. In the morning I'll be on my way.

- All right. Come in. - Thank you.

We don't stand on ceremony here.

- Well, if you don't mind. - Be my guest.

If you're busy, don't worry about me.

- If you'll excuse me. - Of course.

Did you hear those fireworks?

They spent 200,000 lire but the saint didn't wake up.

Celestine, saints don't sleep.

Let's hope not. St Andrea has completely forgotten us.

He doesn't think about us anymore.

Our lemons are rotting and nobody's picking them.

No one wants to buy our fish any more.

The rich only think of themselves.

If things carry on like this, we'll all die of hunger.

Celestine, I'll be the first one to die of hunger.

If St Andrea doesn't perform this miracle for us...

- Miracles have to be deserved. - Sure.

The people are bad and the saints have turned miserly, and quite rightly so.

There are bad people but there are good ones too.

What do the good ones do? Nothing.

What can they do?

And so, bad people will always be bad.

Good people have a duty to do something, otherwise they're helping bad people.

On Judgment Day, the Lord will punish them.

- What should they do? - Good people must kill bad people.

Who's that?

Who could it be this late?

- Hello, Celestine. - Good evening.

Are you crazy? At this time of night?

Be quick. You'll ruin my reputation one of these days.

- Don't worry. - That's what you say.

But her father might see you.

Quietly! You'll wake the whole building up.

- Do you smoke? - No. Who's that young man that came in?

Romeo Cuccurullo. His father's one of the richest men in town.

He owns the fish shop,

he sells lemons and he's got ten lorries and an ice factory.

The son's in love with Giulietta Del Bello.

Since the two families don't get on,

they meet in secret and I help them out.

In return for cigarettes.

No, I do it out of sympathy.

Celestino, remember that you must honour your father and mother,

if you want to live happily on earth.

You're right.

Are you interested in those? There are photographs of two generations here.

My dear departed father was a photographer too.

Really? I'm interested.

Tell me...

Why did that policeman move you on during the procession?

Oh, that stinker Agostino.

He thinks he can be a dictator just because he wears a uniform.

He hates me because of a woman. But he's rotten to the core.

He's a bully, not just to me but to the whole town.

Yes... The time's come to sort this Agostino out.

- Do you have a photograph of him? - I certainly do. In uniform.

- Let me see it. - I keep his ugly mug in here.

Here, look at this piece of work.

Is that Agostino with his arm raised?

That's the one. Talk about double-crossing us.

Really?

Come with me.

What are you going to do?

Listen carefully to what I'm going to tell you.

You need to take a picture of this photograph.

- There! - Will you tell me what you want to do?

- Do what I say. - All right.

This town really needed me.

It's St Andrea that we need. St Andrea.

Are you ready? Come on, Celestino, hurry up.

It's ready.

Done. All done.

I wouldn't say "done". It's more like the opposite.

- What have you done? - Look at him!

- What's the opposite, then? - To undo.

To destroy bad people. Go and see.

Agostino!

What's going on?

Agostino, turn around!

Agostino!

He's not moving.

Agostino, what have you done?

He's dead!

- Dead? - Dead...

Where is he?

Where is he?

He's vanished.

Oh, God... The plate!

What's happening?

What are you doing? Where are you going?

Come on. Hurry up, darling. Come with me.

- Wait a minute. - Come on, Giulietta. Let's go.

No, you can't go out this way.

No one will ever know. We're going away forever, Celestino.

No. Go home.

You must honour your father and your mother.

Celestino, please help us and let us through. Do it for our love.

- You were in love once. - You're going to ruin me.

- You suffered too. - And some!

Will you ruin our love like they ruined yours

when the poor girl married Agostino?

All right, go on.

- Come on, Giulietta. - Let me kiss you. Thank you.

- Thank you, Celestino. - Go.

And may God go with you.

St Andrea...

It was him. He was St Andrea.

St Andrea...

Jesus...

Jesus...

Jesus...

I've seen St Andrea.

What a night!

Anchovies! Come and look! We've emptied the whole sea.

Hurry up! The boats are full of fish.

- Hey. - What is it?

- What's going on? - Loads of fish.

- St Andrea's performed a miracle. - A miracle?

Don Gaetano, how much do you want for this fish?

Cuccurullo, you tell me how much you're willing to pay.

- Me? Are those fish yours? - They're mine all right.

Let's say 300 lire.

- 300 lire? Are you drunk? - Drunk?

Anchovies cost 200 lire per kilo at the most.

- These are special anchovies. - For pizzas.

- Special anchovies... - I'll give you special!

- Where's the mayor? - He's not here. What is it?

There's a letter from the ministry. From Rome.

- What ministry? - Public Works.

- Where's the mayor? - At home? In his office?

He's gone to Agostino's funeral.

Let's go to the cemetery, then. Come on, lads.

The miracle with the fish... Agostino dead...

Oh, St Andrea! It wasn't a dream.

- Lean on my shoulder, Mr Mayor. - Thank you, Baldassare.

I'm the same size as poor Agostino. His uniform would fit me perfectly.

But he's taken his uniform with him.

No, only his shirt.

- Which shirt? - The white one, Mr Mayor.

Just as well.

The idiot died with his arm raised. They had to make a special coffin.

In Amalfi the new policeman's almost six feet tall.

So?

When Agostino was directing traffic nobody could see him.

We don't even have traffic here, just a few little vans.

- Mr Mayor, tall people eat a lot. - And short people don't?

Mr Mayor...

Mr Mayor, wait a minute.

A letter from Rome. From the ministry.

Ah, yes. All right, thank you.

Hold on. You need to read that letter straightaway.

- You think I'd eat it? - Yes.

As deputy mayor I have a right to know what it says.

- We all have a right. - I was doing it out of respect...

Go on, read it.

All right.

How can I read if you're all on top of me?

Go on.

"Dear Mr Mayor,

"following your office's many requests to the Ministry of Public Works,

"we are pleased to inform you that your request has been accepted

"and a special payment of 11 million lire has been granted."

11 million!

"Your town can allocate these funds according to the needs of..."

11 million!

Mr Mayor! What about a speech for the dead man?

What do you want from me? This is no time for speeches.

But his blessed soul...

What if it was just a coincidence?

No. No. I have the power.

Now's my chance.

What if I tried...

Whoa! Hold on.

Get moving!

Jesus! Dead!

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

- Don Gaiella! - What is it, Celestino?

Step outside a second, lad.

I need to speak to you.

I don't even know if I'm dead or alive. Something incredible has happened here.

I already know everything, my dear Celestino.

- The Madonna performed a miracle. - It was St Andrea.

Fine. St Andrea too.

Celestino, this is manna from heaven.

We can tear down this old church at last.

I'd had enough of this fake baroque.

We can restore the ancient Byzantine basilica.

A new church with columns of porphyry and genuine mosaics on the walls.

Sorry, Don Gaiella, which miracle are you talking about?

The 11 million lire.

I wrote to the archbishop asking for the council to spend it on this sacred work.

Oh, the number of prayers I said for this gift!

Do you understand, Celestino? Yes or no?

Of course. I completely understand.

Goodbye and all the best, Don Gaiella.

COUNCIL CHAMBER

What do you want?

- Where's the mayor? - In a meeting.

I need to speak to him now.

Today's a bad day. He's not seeing anyone.

- Be quiet! - Let me speak.

You have to agree that I'm a prophet. I told you those millions would come.

And at last we've...

Calm down, ladies and gentlemen.

I understand your state of mind and your enthusiasm

about the fact that the government has finally granted our request.

But we mustn't forget the work of our member of parliament.

No...

Now's not the time for arguing.

I'm sure that our civic responsibility and the love we have for our city

will bind our intentions together

regarding the best use for the funds kindly donated by the ministry.

I object to the word "donated". It shows an old-fashioned servile mentality.

- Outdated. - Exactly. Outdated.

Let's talk about how to use these millions instead of insulting ourselves.

Well said. Let's talk about that.

Let's talk about it. We need to be clear.

I will be clear. The clearest of all.

Listen to him. We need to be clear.

Let Del Bello speak.

I'm a practical man. I don't know how to make speeches.

And so I say,

friends, gentlemen, comrades, let's welcome these millions.

Let's welcome these millions

that will finally allow us to start building a dam

to protect our poor fishermen's boats from the fury of the sea.

The poor fishermen's boats? They all belong to you!

- All the same... - Forget the poor fishermen!

To hell with...

Councillors should use more appropriate language.

Everybody is free to express their own opinion with dignity.

- I think... - You think too much, Mr Mayor.

There's not much to think about.

Those millions will complete the work on the tunnel,

linking the coast with the interior and facilitating transportation.

Transportation? We need hospitals for children.

- All right. - Did you hear him?

- You own all the transportation. - Mine's an honest business.

Calm down. Keep calm.

Calm down.

We need to help unemployed people.

- What about the theatre? - Don't talk rubbish!

Excuse me, I'll be right back. I just need to deal with something.

- We'll do the sums. - Whenever you want.

- Where are they? - Outside.

Mr Mayor, I have a miraculous weapon that will let justice triumph.

- Celestino, don't be stupid. - Mr Mayor...

- Forget it. - You need to listen to me.

Mr Mayor...

Hello. How are you?

- Do you remember Sergeant Bill? - Of course.

I've brought you a present.

- A nice tie. - Like the ones I used to wear.

- So kind. - He's my partner in that castle business.

- Ah, the castle business. - That's right.

Come with me so we can talk...freely.

- He's so ugly when he laughs. - Scoundrel.

- Crooked. - Corrupt.

- Bastard. - Complete bastard.

My dear friends, if I can call you that, your plan is magnificent.

But we have to tread carefully. We've got a fight on our hands.

I'm up against a band of criminals.

Depraved individuals, opportunists, bigots...all corrupt.

- I'll see you soon. - Goodbye.

- We shall win. - What does he mean?

With the castle. We shall win.

"We shall win."

That's what was written on all the walls when we landed.

- It was written there? - It wasn't a good omen.

Do you like her?

- I'd take her home! - Oh, yes.

Friends, let's make the most of this tranquil moment...

What do you mean, tranquil?

Make yourselves comfortable.

Let's discuss our problems with a smile on our lips and in our hearts.

I don't believe anyone understands our town's problems better than I do.

In my view, the most important thing is the water supply.

The water supply? What are you talking about?

Water's not a problem for me because I don't have any barrels of wine.

- You people have no civic responsibility. - Civic responsibility?

- The tunnel! - Hospitals for children!

- A theatre. - A theatre?

I've heard, because I always know everything,

that 11 million lire is coming from Rome.

Don't go making any plans

because that 11 million must be used for my late husband.

- To build a monument to him? - To build a monument to him.

To my esteemed late husband.

The great poet.

Yes, the great poet who lent you all money and did so much for the town.

Right, by ripping us off like you do.

If you don't build him a monument I'll call in all your loans,

whether they're for 100 or a million lire.

- That's all we need. - Was he really a poet?

He wrote a postcard in verse when he was doing his national service.

You may joke but she could send us all to jail.

What do you want?

Mr Mayor, I need to talk to you. It's urgent.

- Get rid of him. - Throw him out.

How dare you come in here, you scoundrel?

He had a nerve, coming in here.

Some people want to spend the 11 million rebuilding the church,

Cuccurullo wants a tunnel, Del Bello wants a dam.

They'll grab it all, use it up

and we poor beggars will carry on starving.

You know what I think?

We should decide where that 11 million goes.

We lemon-pickers are the town's slaves.

The rich people that we serve will put the money in their pockets

and forget about us.

We'll stand up to those rogues.

They all just think of themselves.

We fishermen are always exploited.

They should give all those millions to us.

- Look at that! - She's one of the Americans.

She should be ashamed of herself! Look at that hussy!

- Celestino, come down to the harbour. - I'm on my way.

- Get a move on. - You lead the way.

- Can you keep an eye on the shop? - Of course, off you go.

- What do you want? - We need to take a picture of her.

Have you ever seen such a gorgeous woman around here?

- Go on. - Go and get your camera.

- Take a photograph, Celestino. - What do you want?

- Hurry up. - Get out of here.

- What are you doing in that chair? - Is sitting forbidden?

- In that chair, yes. - I'm staying put.

What a cheek. That chair's for customers only.

- Aren't I a customer? - You're a customer? What do you want?

Donna Amalia sent me. She wants her husband's photograph enlarged.

She says it's urgent and you need to do a good job.

We don't need anyone's advice.

- She wants it life-size. - To display in the square?

It'll be a model for the monument.

We need to spend those millions on the sewage system, not on a monument.

Donna Amalia only cares about the monument.

Sure, because she lives up there.

If she lived down here she'd smell the stench.

I pay a lot of taxes and I expect our sewage system to be fixed.

Sewage system! Sewage system!

You're so ungrateful.

Donna Amalia's wish should be your command.

You haven't paid rent for 34 months.

Look, sweetheart, I pay 600 per cent interest, all right?

You've got the nerve to say that in front of other people?

In front of other people?

What's going on?

They've caught Giulietta and Romeo.

Giulietta and Romeo!

Go away!

Leave us alone!

Where did you find them?

- Giulietta! - The shameless hussy!

Be quiet. You don't understand anything.

She's a good girl. They love each other.

Giulietta! Giulietta!

Romeo! Romeo!

- You shameless hussy! - You have no shame, the pair of you!

Romeo!

Giulietta!

Giulietta!

Giulietta!

Come on, quickly. We're here.

Right.

You go in this way.

I don't think that's the American girl's window.

- No, it's the other one. - Are you sure?

- All right, go on. - They said it was that one.

Take the trap.

- Give me your hand. - Keep playing.

Look, it's that window.

Come on.

Keep going.

Yeah, they're here.

- What do we do now? - Look, there's a ladder.

Let's get the ladder. Lean it up against the wall.

I'll bring all the mice in town if it'll make them come and stay at my house.

- Why not my house? - Be quiet. It doesn't matter.

Don't make any noise.

- Lads, can you see her? - I hope she takes off her dressing gown.

Let's hope so.

She's gorgeous.

She really is.

Look, lads. Just look at that.

- Is the mouse there? - Yes, he's in there.

Remember, don't let him out too quickly.

Easy does it.

What is it?

Joe, wake up! Quick! There's an animal in here.

What's going on?

Joe, you said your ancestors have lived here for four generations.

- Five generations. - Five generations?

Joe, this is a zoo, not a house.

- What's he saying? - That our family lives in a zoo.

You're the ones that should be in a zoo with your shameless women!

- Take back those insults. - Don't mind him. He's old-fashioned.

Curse him!

What's going on?

Let's get out of here.

Do you really think mice are insects?

Is that crazy old man for real?

Ah, yes.

Even a monument!

- Who's there? Thief! - A thief!

I've come to take back what's mine.

Give me back my IOUs or I'll...

Donna Amalia? Donna Amalia?

Donna Amalia! Donna Amalia!

Donna Amalia? Donna Amalia!

Donna Amalia! Donna...

She's dead! She's dead!

Come quickly! Donna Amalia's dead!

She's dead! She's dead!

Come quickly! Hurry!

Doctor! Come quickly!

Hurry! Come quickly! Doctor!

Come quickly!

Doctor! Doctor!

Doctor! Doctor! Doctor...

The doctor's sleeping. He's not to be disturbed.

She's dead. She's dead. She's dead!

She's dead!

She's dead!

- Why are you shouting? - He wants the doctor.

- What is it? - I want the doctor.

- Where's the doctor? - He's sleeping.

Doctor, come down. Someone's looking for you.

- Doctor! - What?

- Who wants me? - Donna Amalia's dead.

- Who? - Donna Amalia.

If she's dead, you need to call the priest.

- How did she die? - She was killed. Her eyes are open.

Let's go see, Doctor.

Zina, bring my jacket. Caterina, bring my bag.

- Go back to bed. - We need to hurry, Doctor.

My one early night and I get dragged out of bed.

Doctor, she's dead and her eyes are open.

What goes on in this town?

- Complete psychomotor paralysis. - Really?

Caused by nervous trauma.

Maybe the fear of being robbed.

The rich person's fear. Take her over there.

You take that side, Luigi.

Take it easy or you'll hurt yourself.

Poor Donna Amalia. Poor thing.

Look at the state she's in.

Come on, quickly. Cry, you idiot. Cry.

Poor Auntie Amalia. What a terrible thing to happen.

Celestino, go and ask the pharmacist for these injections.

Right away, Doctor.

It really is a disgrace, waking us in the middle of the night.

I really hoped that...

I mean, I thought I'd find her dead. But no...

- Are you saying it's my fault? - It's no joke, Doctor.

Do you think she'll survive?

Who knows? She could live for a day or she could live for 100 years.

Right.

You wouldn't have anything to...

- To kill her off? - What do you mean, Doctor?

- Poor Donna Amalia. - There's no need for all that.

- She's not dead. - What?

- She's not dead. - See, she's not dead.

- Really? And so... - Nobody inherits anything.

- For now nobody inherits anything. - But we were told...

Total psychomotor paralysis.

- She can't speak. - Or hear.

She can't speak, hear, or move. Go in.

Poor thing.

- After you. - No, after you.

Poor thing.

They're such hypocrites. They make me sick.

Poor Donna Amalia.

What do you think? Are there any other relatives?

- She's dying. - Really?

Poor Auntie. She's suffering so much.

It would be better if the Lord were to call her.

Don Felice, you've got chalk on your trousers.

- Ah, yes. Thank you. - How come?

And you've got chalk on your sleeve.

Oh, yes.

Don Gaetano, you were here earlier tonight.

- Yes, just like you. - Just like me.

- We have to act like men. - Business is business.

Let me do it.

You're even more of a scoundrel than I am.

This is it.

"To be opened after my death."

- Her will? - Yes.

"I leave all my possessions and property to the three poorest people in town."

To the three poorest people in town!

- Wretched moneylender! - I hope God punishes her!

We're just in time to prevent this injustice.

Watch out.

- It's a disgrace. - What do we do now?

Mr Mayor, could you take care of Donna Amalia's affairs during her illness?

Of course, that wouldn't be a problem.

But only if her relatives and heirs agree.

- Who's better qualified than you? - Nobody.

Please go ahead. Whatever you do is absolutely fine with us.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go now.

My boats are about to come in. Good evening.

- Celestino! The injections. - Sorry, Doctor.

I'm such an idiot.

Don Gaetano, stop.

- Don Gaetano, stop. - Let me go. What do you want?

Don Gaetano, turn around right away and put Donna Amalia's will back.

What are you talking about? Are you out of your mind? What will?

You know very well. Go back.

I don't understand. Will you let me through?

Don Gaetano, listen. Robbing the poor is dangerous.

Sure, it's dangerous.

I'll teach you a lesson, you scoundrel.

Don't you agree?

No. Listen to me. Garlic, oil and chilli pepper.

- Tasty. - Some add anchovies and oregano.

Hey, who's that? Oh, it's Celestino.

Looks like he's hurt.

He must have slipped. Let's put him near the tap.

Put him down here.

Wake up, Celestino.

How could it have happened?

He's always running like a madman. And with all these damned stairs...

- I've always said this town was cursed. - You're right.

As soon as you leave your house you have to go up or down.

- How are you feeling, Celestino? - Robbing the poor is dangerous.

Robbing the rich is more dangerous.

- Am I right, Brigadier? - Absolutely.

Keep still.

There we are.

The Americans are here. They've moved again.

This way, follow me.

Ask them for a cigarette.

- Just a few more stairs. - More stairs?

We're almost there.

And now we go down, which is easier.

I've never seen so many stairs.

My dad wanted to fix these ones, but it was tricky with the Germans here.

Maybe it was the Americans. I can't remember.

So many stairs to remember.

They took so much stuff, so Dad thought it wasn't worth fixing the stairs.

Are we there yet?

Come on in.

- No mice here. - Really?

This is the cleanest house in the whole town.

- It even has two entrances. - It's a lovely house.

It's beautiful. Careful on the stairs.

- What's going on? - Concettina, you're fired!

- Make yourselves at home. - Come on in.

Look at these. They're all from the 17th century.

Very special.

We're going into the green room here. Look.

Look at these paintings, the piano.

You haven't seen anything yet. There's even a private chapel. I'll show you.

- See how beautiful it is. - Wonderful.

- Very special. - It's a work of art.

We've even got "The Flight Into Egypt". Look.

It's from the 17th century.

Excuse me, do you also have a bathroom?

Ah, the toilet. The loo. It's on the terrace.

- Where? - On the terrace.

It's much better here. They've got a bathroom with a terrace.

- Come with me. Look at this painting. - It's lovely.

It's a genuine painting by the artist D'Amato.

This is an original radio. It's a German brand.

Or American. I can't remember.

Here there are plenty more paintings, as you can see.

Come closer so you can see better. Look.

The ladies can sit down, if they're tired.

Look, over there.

Now we'll go into the big drawing room,

where there are even more paintings.

We've got a lot of paintings but very few pennies.

Come on in. Make yourselves at home.

Look at this.

That's my father's grandmother. Those are my uncles.

The room's full of ancestors that I don't even know

because they were around centuries before I was born.

We've got more old paintings here.

Grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents.

They're all here. It's like a cemetery.

- Oh... Dad... - Pleased to meet you.

- Come in, Doctor. - After you.

- So you came too? - You were more useful.

It was God's will.

- What are they waiting for? - Who knows?

The young gentlemen brought them. They speak like the American soldiers.

Would you like a coffee, Reverend? A glass of something, Doctor?

A cup of coffee? Make yourselves comfortable.

- Good morning, Reverend. - Good morning.

This way. Come on.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Something must have happened here too.

- Please don't leave me on my own. - Giulietta, try to be strong.

Good morning.

I can't get away from them.

Good morning.

This way.

What's wrong with you? Don't cry, you idiot.

- Poor Mr Del Bello. - Nobody's inheriting anything here.

- Open the door. - Who is it?

- The carabinieri. - Where are the carabinieri?

Where's the will? Hand over the will right now.

What will? I'm going to live to be 100!

This is no laughing matter. You stole Donna Amalia's will.

You're either a fool or a swindler. I should call the carabinieri.

Cuccurullo, I'm giving you until noon tomorrow.

- Dad, the Americans are here. - The Americans? Good.

- Come in. - Make yourselves at home.

- Hey! Hello. How are you? - Very well, thank you.

You and I have a lot of business to discuss.

Busy-ness.

A lot needs doing in this town. We'll become partners.

I can offer my expertise and you can offer all your pennies.

- Pints, eh? - No, pennies. Lire.

Dad, you got a moment?

Dad, they've got to go or else I will.

- You're an idiot. - We brought them all the way here.

Aren't you a friend of Americans?

Of course I am, more than ever. But it's your niece...

Maybe you don't like my niece.

Of course I like her, but I'm engaged.

- You're an idiot. - Please excuse him.

"Cavalleria rusticana".

Don Felice, I've given you until noon tomorrow.

If you don't give the will back you'll end up like Don Gaetano.

What are you doing?

Horns to ward off the evil eye.

The man's a jinx.

There, St Andrea. Justice has been done.

My house is very peaceful, don't worry.

There's just a couple of children but they're very well-behaved.

- Yes. - Are the Americans homeless again?

Did you say your house was near here?

- Yes, we're almost there. - Thank goodness.

- Just 20 or so steps. - 20 steps?

- Yes. - All those steps!

Oh, well... Keep going.

Here we are. You can stay here for 100 years.

No one's planning on dying. Just a few more steps.

I wanted you to stay as soon as you arrived.

But everybody would have said I was abusing my position as mayor.

You've no idea what people dare to think and say in this town.

Especially about me.

There's no respect for authority anymore.

The Americans are here!

Make yourselves at home.

These are my children. They're very well-behaved.

- Where's your mistress? - In her room.

Call her. Our visitors are here.

Quiet! What did they say?

- Celestino's in the drawing room. - Send him away.

- The photograph... - What photograph?

He wants to speak to you and says he'll sleep here.

Him too? Show our visitors to the guest room.

- Excuse me, I'll be right back. - Of course.

- With respect, Mr Mayor... - Come to the town hall tomorrow.

Please wait. It's a very urgent matter.

- Tomorrow will be too late. - What is it?

Mr Mayor, do you know what's in here?

Is this a riddle? I don't know. A letter?

- Donna Amalia's will is in here. - What? Her will?

- Why have you got it? - Please don't ask why it's in my hands.

You could kill me but I still wouldn't speak.

Why is this will in your hands?

They wanted to destroy it, but I stopped them.

- Well done. - I'll hand it over to you.

You need to make sure that Donna Amalia's last wishes are respected.

Do you understand? When the Lord calls her...

Of course. When the Lord calls her...

Celestino, you've read the will?

Of course. It's amazing.

Who would have expected her to be so generous?

No, you're right.

It's a beautiful thing. Think about it, Mr Mayor.

The three poorest people in our town will suddenly be rich.

Rich! They won't suffer anymore. Isn't that wonderful?

Yes, it's wonderful. But don't get so excited, Celestino.

- You're all worked up. Sit down. - Thank you.

Providence has brought you to my house, see?

St Andrea cares for us.

Have you ever heard of economics?

All the time, sadly, since the day I was born.

I don't mean economy in the home. I'm talking about the science.

Sit down. I'm talking about the science called economics.

This science demonstrates that when capital is divided up it goes to waste.

- I don't understand. - Let me explain.

If Donna Amalia's money were to end up in the hands of three paupers

who, through lack of experience, didn't know how to manage it,

what benefit would our little town draw from it?

None at all. Is that clear?

But if...listen carefully...

if the money were managed

by somebody able, intelligent and honest,

above all honest,

it could be a source of wealth for everyone.

Do you understand, Celestino?

Yes, I understand. You're as bad as the others.

Celestino!

- Excuse me. - Just a moment.

- Where's the bathroom? - What?

- Bathroom. - What's a bathroom?

- Toilet. - Ah, toilet.

- In the bedside cabinet. - Bedside cabinet?

- Yes, by the bed. - By the bed?

Celestino! What?

- No way. - No way? Use the balcony, then.

- Celestino. - Goodness me!

Celestino, where are you running to?

- Let me kiss your hand. - Bless you, my son.

Sit down with us. Where are you going in this heat?

Sorry, Doctor, I've got urgent business.

And the Reverend and I don't have urgent business?

Someone about to be born is waiting for me.

Someone about to die is waiting for him.

It's a win-win situation for them. Sit down.

Doctor, you like joking, but I can assure you that now isn't the time for jokes.

Celestino, my son, what's got into you?

I'm sorry but I can't even tell you.

You baptised me and you must believe me

when I say I'm working for justice,

for the good of everybody and against the evil of a few bad men.

I believe you, my son. I believe you.

You're lucky, Celestino, if you can tell good from evil.

I still can't after all these years.

They always walk side by side and it's easy to mix them up.

Am I right, Don Schiavone?

Your intentions are what count.

God can see into your heart and he will judge.

And meanwhile, bad people triumph and good people always lose.

We have to do something, Doctor. Fight.

We have to kill off all the bad people.

Only then will we be fit to enter the kingdom of heaven. Only then.

- I have to go. - Celestino, take a laxative.

You're always making fun of him.

Celestino's a simple soul.

It will be easier for him to get into the kingdom of heaven.

Come on, Reverend.

Otherwise you risk... Cursed stairs!

Otherwise you risk arriving after the christening

and I risk arriving after the patient's funeral.

Stairs... So many stairs in this damned town...

Here, Donna Amalia. I've brought back your will.

Those scoundrels wanted to destroy it,

but I saved it for the good of everybody, Donna Amalia.

Let me kiss your hand.

Leave everything to the poorest people in town.

That way you can die happy. And we'll build you a monument, I promise.

No... No... Burn it. Burn it.

I'm not giving anybody anything. I want to take it all with me.

Damn you all!

Jesus! Jesus! It's a miracle! Donna Amalia's speaking!

Donna Amalia's speaking!

Say something. Speak to me.

All right... I'll put the will back in its place for now.

Cursed old witch! Damned moneylender!

There. Now she's taken care of too.

Damn those flies! When will they fix our sewage system?

Cursed creatures! They make everything dirty.

Hey, Celestino.

Doctor, please close the door. All the flies will come in otherwise.

How's your head, Celestino?

My head's fine. It's other people's heads that are a problem.

Everybody says that, even the madmen. But who isn't mad in this world?

Oh, this heat!

Don't you notice the heat and the stench?

Donna Amalia's relatives said she's taken a turn for the worse.

Doctor, a wicked life always deserves a bad end.

She's a tough old bird.

Doctor, she's dead.

Dead? At last!

Don't get me wrong, it's a shame,

but I could do without going all the way up there.

They can pick up the death certificate from my house.

I climb far too many stairs

for the pittance the town pays me.

It's so hot, Celestino.

I love the poor, not because I have any democratic feelings,

but because the poor live down below and the rich live up above.

Too far up above, Celestino.

Let's have our photograph taken!

- What do you want? - A photograph.

- Who's paying? - He is.

If you don't stand still he can't take your picture.

One, two, three.

Keep still.

Done! Next.

One, two, three.

Keep still. Salute.

Done!

- Lots of money! - Who did you steal it from?

Don't move.

One, two, three.

Done.

- There goes Donna Amalia's coffin. - And Cuccurullo's.

- Where are you going? - The cemetery.

Turn back. We need to stop bringing our dead to the tower.

It's a barbaric custom.

I'll tell you what's barbaric.

Our stinker of a mayor selling the cemetery to the Americans.

Have you heard the news? They've sold our cemetery!

Have you heard? The mayor's sold the cemetery.

The mayor! The mayor's sold the cemetery with all the dead bodies in it.

To the Americans. It's a disgrace! They're selling everything.

Have you heard the news?

What's going on?

The mayor's sold the cemetery to the Americans.

I'll sort it out.

In the name of the law, I, Girolamo Fulchignoni from the district of Amalfi,

summoned by the heirs of the late Amalia Scapece, will read her will.

Wait. I have an objection.

The envelope containing the will is torn.

Mr Mayor, we've got a record of it.

You can appeal to the authorities.

- Let's just get on with it. - It makes no difference. Read it.

"These are my wishes.

"L, Amalia Scapece, being of sound body and mind,

"leave all my possessions and property

"to the three poorest people in town."

Calm down!

Hold on. Keep calm. Let me speak.

Sir, this will was written by a madwoman.

She was mentally unbalanced. We can prove it.

Do as you please, but this is her will.

Mr Mayor? What's wrong with him?

So how much do you want for these anchovies?

You need me to tell you? You're the one who wants to buy them.

- So? They're your anchovies. - Sure.

- Let's say 300 lire, then. - 300 lire?

- For those? - They're special anchovies.

Special? They're tiny.

Ah, now you get it! Now it's my turn to rip people off.

We ripped you off? Without us everybody would have starved.

Great benefactors!

Your father was the one who ripped people off.

- Watch what you say! - What's going on?

I won't let you insult my father, you scoundrel!

See, Celestino? You said we have to kill off the bad people.

But as soon as the Lord takes one, two more appear.

You laugh too much, Doctor.

It's nothing but steps in this town.

Just a few more steps now.

Hello. Welcome back.

- I'm tired. - You can rest now.

Hello, Helen dear.

Look.

- Straight on, Bill. - Don't worry, I'll see to that.

Poor things, they've moved house four times in four days.

They're a jinx. Wherever they go, somebody dies.

- Nonsense! - No, they've all died strange deaths.

- They're casting the evil eye. - That's rubbish.

Death is always strange.

I'm always amazed when I see somebody

who was living, talking and thinking only a short while before,

and then suddenly they're no more.

Hurrah for Donna Amalia! She's left her money to the poor!

Did you see that?

Now Donna Amalia's dead, everybody speaks well of her.

Sure. Everyone's running after the filthy beggars who have inherited her fortune.

They of all people have ended up with all that money!

It's the only good thing she did in her life.

At last those poor people will have a decent life.

The three poorest people in town will have proper food and clothes.

Poorest? Luigi and his gang were the biggest thieves in the whole place.

- What are you talking about? - He stole Donna Amalia's money too.

Not him as well? Nobody will be saved!

I'll deal with you, you scoundrel.

Hurrah for Luigi!

The poor have inherited!

We want the will! We need to have the will!

Out of the way!

Let me through. Out of the way!

- Luigi's rich! - He's rich!

He's dead!

- Celestino! - There's a jinx on this town.

Celestino! Celestino!

Open the door, Celestino! Open up!

Celestino!

Celestino, what have you done?

You don't believe in miracles, do you? Only in science.

But let me tell you that Celestino Esposito, the lowest of the low,

is more powerful than the atom bomb.

Look, Doctor. See these hypocrites, misers and sycophants.

- I have the power to kill them off... - Celestino, stop!

What are you trying to do? Are you out of your mind?

You're mad! You're a criminal!

No!

Doctor?

He's dead.

I did it.

I'm a criminal.

No...

Damn me!

I'm a criminal.

I'm worthless.

I'm an evildoer.

Yes, I'm an evildoer.

But I'll punish myself with my own hands.

Here...

But first I'll have to destroy the person who gave me this power to destroy.

You were my ruin.

- You called me, Celestino? - You cursed creature!

Who are you?

- Forget about it. - I know.

You're not St Andrea. You can't be. You're the devil.

Could I have been a saint if I taught you to kill?

Damn you! Damn you! I'll destroy you.

You can't destroy me. I'm already dead.

Really? The machine will destroy you.

Be gone with you!

The devil. Satan.

Yes, I'm the devil. A poor, lonely, wretched devil.

I never get anything right.

They'll never send me to earth again.

They told me, "You're too old."

I had such high hopes for this invention of mine.

I hoped to destroy the whole town.

What a wonderful invention! You've already damned six people.

Their souls won't be saved.

Don't talk nonsense, Celestino. Nobody goes to hell anymore.

The one up there is so good, he saves everybody.

As long as you do one good thing and repent of your sins,

he forgives you straightaway.

Really?

He pardons you.

With this invention

I hoped to get ahead and make a name for myself.

Because even in hell there are people with friends in high places.

I'm going back down now.

Wait. Listen for a moment.

Could you bring my victims back to life?

I'm a poor devil but I do have that power.

Of course I can do it.

But when I go back down, I'll be in trouble.

So don't go back down there.

- What do I do, then? - Stay here.

If I stay here, I lose my right to immortality.

And I'm so old. I'm 113,000 years old, you know.

So you'll lose your devil's immortality, but then...

Come on, make the sign of the cross.

No, not like that. Hold on.

Ah, they haven't taught you the sign of the cross. Do it with me.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

What's that?

It's a miracle.

- Tell me how much you're willing to pay. - Me?

That's Del Bello's voice, and Cuccurullo's. So they're not dead?

Of course not.

The doctor! Where's the doctor?

- Hadn't he come too? - No, the doctor hadn't come yet.

- What about the others? - Celestino...

You can't stay here. Move on.

- The policeman too! - You're blocking the trafiic.

Thank goodness. Would you like a cup of coffee?

I'll tell everyone you're an old relative of mine.

A relative, that's right.

On Cain's side.

They're taking down the set, ladies and gentlemen, now the story is over.

Here's the moral.

Do good, but not too much.

Avoid evil if you want to be saved.

Don't be too hasty to judge others.

And think twice before you punish anyone.

I'm going now, but before I leave

I'll take a bow and say goodbye.