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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Knock, knock.
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What do you want, Bill? .
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No, Dave. Knock, knock. .
4
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,574
Oh, okay. Who's there? .
5
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:09,575
Bill McNeal. .
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Bill McNeal who? .
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That's really
all I have so far. .
8
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Dynamite there, Bill. .
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00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,582
Actually, that was just
a cheap trick to get into your office.
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I need to talk
to you about something. .
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Okay, shoot. .
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00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:23,088
My agent's been talking
with some publishers,
13
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and apparently, there's
more than a little interest
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00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,593
in me writing an autobiography. .
15
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Oh, well, that's great, Bill. .
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Thank you. .
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00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,097
Anyway, I need you
to sign this release. .
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00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,099
Uh, sure. What is this? .
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It's just a legal form
granting me permission
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00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,103
to work on an outside project,
blah, blah, blah. .
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Okay, I'll
look it over, all right? .
22
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Take your time.
All right, thanks. .
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00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611
Can you sign off
on my editorial? .
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00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,613
Uh, oh, sure, yeah. .
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00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:48,614
What's this? .
26
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,115
Bill has a deal to write a book. .
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What kind of book? .
28
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An autobiography,
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sort of like the
Howard Stern thing, I guess. .
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You mean about the ins and outs
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of lesbianism
and sport-spanking?
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I certainly hope so. .
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Yeah, I'm sure you do. .
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Just hungry for knowledge. .
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Uh-huh.
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I'm sorry, Bill,
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I haven't had a chance
to sign it yet. .
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That's all right, chief. .
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You know, I was just thinking,
40
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could you kind of keep
this book thing under your hat? .
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Sure, why?
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I would just rather
not have it be public
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until we finalize negotiations. .
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You haven't
told anyone, have you?
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I mentioned it to Lisa.
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I asked you not to tell anyone.
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I'm sorry, Bill.
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I didn't realize this was
like the Pentagon Papers. .
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What?
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I'll talk to Lisa. .
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Um, Lisa, can I talk
to you for just a second? .
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Yeah. Thanks. .
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But first, I believe
congratulations are in order. .
54
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No, they're not.
What's going on? .
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Bill just signed
a deal to write his autobiography. .
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Congratulations, Bill. .
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Thank you, Lisa,
for that wonderful reception,
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and, more importantly,
thank you, Dave, buddy. .
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00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:31,717
Well, you didn't tell me
it was supposed to be some big secret.
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I didn't know myself
at the time. .
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Hey, Bill, look,
I'm really sorry,
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but, you know, Lisa had no idea you
wanted to keep this thing a... .
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It's okay. I'm glad
you told them. .
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The excitement and enthusiasm
I felt out there just now,
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well, it was the shot
in the arm I needed. .
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Really? .
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No, I'm being
incredibly sarcastic. .
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What is this,
the Pentagon Papers? .
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What? .
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Look, I don't know
if you've tried to write a book,
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but it's not easy. .
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Look, Bill, if you're asking one
of us to ghostwrite the book,
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then ask us. .
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How much have
you written, Bill? .
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Just the outline. .
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Okay, well, how long is it? .
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Two words... "the outline." .
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There's a big, blank sheet
of paper underneath it. .
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Well, how long have you
been working on it? .
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Three months. .
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Oh. Okay. .
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You know what. .
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You're probably
just overwhelmed
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by all the stuff that
you want to get in there. .
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Yeah. .
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You should just pick
one point and take off. .
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Yes, start with radio. .
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What's interesting about radio? .
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Well, I think it's
a fascinating medium. .
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You're from Wisconsin. .
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Artificial light
is fascinating to you. .
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Did you know that
when Dan Rather was 19,
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he was the youngest photographer
for the Associated Press? .
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Okay, what were you doing at 19? .
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Drinking. .
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How about talking
about how hard it was
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to break into
the industry, you know? .
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All the struggles. .
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My aunt owned a radio station. .
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00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,310
She hired me to try to
get me to stop drinking. .
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00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,814
Staff meeting. .
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Lisa, would you
care to go out there
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and warm them up for me again? .
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Okay, let's get to it.
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Matthew, Matthew, Matthew...
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do you have the New Hampshire
piece ready for me? .
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Yeah, yeah. I finished
that yesterday. .
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Do you have a title yet?
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00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:26,832
I'm awfully good with titles. .
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It's not really
at the title stage yet, Matthew.
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Matthew, Matthew...
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do you have the tape ready
or just the hard copy?
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I got the tape. .
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Hey, how about
The Camera Never Blinks? .
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Uh, that's the title
of Dan Rather's book, honey. .
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Oh, yeah, yeah. I read it. .
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How about
"The Microphone Never Blinks"? .
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That makes no sense at all. .
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Yes, but it is catchy. .
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00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,356
People? People, please,
can we just focus on the work at hand? .
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00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:54,860
Now, Matthew, do you have
that tape for me or... .
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00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:55,861
"Radio Bill." .
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That's not bad.
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I appreciate
everyone's enthusiasm,
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00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,868
but it's important that
we not let personal endeavors
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00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,369
interrupt our daily routine.
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Dave? .
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00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:06,872
Thank you, Bill.
Now, for the local update... .
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00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,874
Radio Days.
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00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:09,875
Woody Allen movie. .
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00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,377
But if you spelled it D-A-Z-E,
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it would have, like,
a Spike Lee feel. .
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00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,882
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. .
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00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,885
"Give me 12 minutes,
I'll give you my life." .
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People, please. .
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Hang on, Dave. .
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That one's
actually intriguing me. .
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Wh... what was it again, Matthew? .
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"Give me my life..." .
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What was it again? .
141
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,398
"And I'll give you 15 minutes." .
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No, no. Yeah, yeah. .
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"Give me 12 minutes
of my life... " .
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"Time of my life." .
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Meeting's over. .
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Why doesn't everyone just...
Just go back to work. .
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00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,769
Hey, that includes you, Matthew. .
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So, how's the book
going so far? .
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00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,414
Fantastic! Yeah?
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00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,417
I never knew the writing process
could be so invigorating.
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00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,921
I can't believe
someone's letting you write a book. .
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You mean, you can't believe
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someone's paying me
to write a book. .
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00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,928
Bill, guess what.
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00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,429
I keep a diary. .
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00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,931
Do you you now? .
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00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,432
Yeah, so I guess in a way,
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00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,935
me and you are doing
something similar. .
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00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,437
Sort of, except
my book will be sold
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00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,941
in bookstores
and airports nationwide,
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while your diary
will be tucked alone
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under its mattress
with other baubles and trinkets. .
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00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,450
Exactly. .
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00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,954
Sometimes, I write, like,
20-25 pages a night. .
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00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957
Yeah. I have my slow days too. .
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00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:37,462
He's strutting around out there
like he's Norman Mailer. .
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00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,965
Hasn't punched anyone out,
has he? .
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00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,968
No, not yet, but he's
totally out of control. .
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All right. Beth! .
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Boss. .
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00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:49,474
Tell Mr. Hemingway
I'd like to see him. .
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00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,977
No problem. Hey, Ernie, .
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00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,980
F. Scott and Zelda
would like to speak with you. .
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00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,982
You know,
he just overcompensates
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00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,983
because he feels insecure. .
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00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,484
So does Norman Mailer. .
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00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:03,989
But at least he manages
to get a few words on the page. .
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00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,491
No, I really prefer
writing in longhand.
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00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,493
I find it to be more intimate. .
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00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,997
Computers can be so...
un-intimate. .
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00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:16,001
Hey, really, I just want
to thank you both once again
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00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,503
for getting everyone
really excited
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00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,505
about my impending failure. .
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00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,507
Settle down, Bill. .
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00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:25,510
You know, I think I have
a solution to the problem. .
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00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,012
Here, take this tape recorder. .
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00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,513
Just carry it with you
through the day,
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00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,515
and just talk into it
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whenever anything
pops into your head. .
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00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,019
It can't hurt, I guess.
How's this thing work, anyway.
191
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,520
♪ I've been throughThe desert ♪
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00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,022
♪ On a horse with no name ♪
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00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:41,526
♪ It felt goodTo be out of the rain... ♪
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Let me get you a fresh tape. .
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00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,033
What is your obsession
with that song? .
196
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,534
It wasn't me. .
197
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,536
It's just the tape
that this thing came with.
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00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:54,539
I'll give it a try.
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00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,541
I just wish...
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00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,543
I just wish you hadn't
told all of them about the book. .
201
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,545
Oh, look, come on, Bill,
lighten up.
202
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,547
I know you may find this
hard to believe,
203
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,049
but not everybody
204
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,550
spends their whole day
thinking about Bill McNeal. .
205
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,053
You're a true source
of comfort, Lisa. .
206
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,057
Bill! .
207
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:15,560
Get over here,
you old son of a biscuit eater! .
208
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:16,561
Hi, Jimmy. .
209
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,563
Hey, I heard about your book. .
210
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,065
Let me tell you, I am pleased.
211
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,567
I am pleased
as Christmas punch. .
212
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,069
This is going to be
great for the station. .
213
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,570
You really think so? .
214
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:29,074
Oh, I got my own publicist
working on it. .
215
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,577
Yeah. We're going to spread
your kisser all over this city. .
216
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,080
You are going to be big,
my friend. Bigger... .
217
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,081
Than, uh...
218
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,083
Dave, who's
that really big guy?
219
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,584
Andre the Giant? .
220
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,087
The one that's not dead yet. .
221
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,088
Oh, Hulk Hogan. .
222
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,589
Bingo! .
223
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,092
So, when can I see
some pages, big guy? .
224
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,095
Well, I'm still at
the outline stage, Jimmy. .
225
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,596
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I understand. I understand. .
226
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:52,597
No pressure. No pressure. .
227
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,099
But, as a little surprise,
228
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,601
I had something
made up for you. .
229
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,103
You ready? .
230
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106
Ta-dah! .
231
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,611
I said, "Ta-dah!" .
232
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,613
Yeah, sir, that
really is something. .
233
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,116
Ain't that a pisser? .
234
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,117
Indeed. .
235
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:15,120
Bill, I thought of
a great story for your book. .
236
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,122
Yeah, yeah.
Remember when we were
237
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,624
sitting at Tavern on the Green...
238
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,127
this was a few years ago...
239
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,628
and Ross Perot comes in? .
240
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,630
And Ross Perot...
241
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,132
Ross Perot comes in,
242
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,634
and he says he wants
to re-enter the presidential race. .
243
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,137
See, Bill,
that's a great story. .
244
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,638
Yeah, it's perfect. .
245
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,141
When was this exactly? .
246
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,643
Oh, what the hell
am I thinking about? .
247
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:41,146
That wasn't you.
That was Dan Rather. .
248
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,648
Yeah, that was me
and Dan Rather. .
249
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,150
That's a great story, though. .
250
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,152
Yeah, the best. .
251
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:50,155
Yeah, that Rather...
"Courage." .
252
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:51,656
Had a million of them. .
253
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,160
Of course, you got
a million and one, huh? Attaboy.
254
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,167
Chicago, 1968.
255
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,169
Democratic convention. .
256
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,671
Hippies and yippies alike
fill the streets,
257
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:10,175
waging a war of peace
against Mayor Daley's thugs. .
258
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,676
There I was...
259
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:15,681
watching it on TV
in my dorm and drinking. .
260
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:28,694
Hey... looks like somebody's been
burning the candle at both ends. .
261
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,697
Well, you know,
262
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,700
they say a lot of writers
do their best work at night. .
263
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,702
Me, I'm a morning person,
264
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,704
but whatever works
best for you, Bill.
265
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:42,707
I think I've got a title. .
266
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,209
What is it?
267
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:49,714
"I suck...
The Bill McNeal story." .
268
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:52,217
Hey, hey, Dave, look, look. .
269
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,219
That's very good. .
270
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,220
Thank you. .
271
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,721
Hey, Bill,
272
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,224
how's the book going? .
273
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,226
Oh.
274
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:05,230
I guess the tape recorder
didn't help, huh? .
275
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,731
See for yourself. .
276
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,734
Right.
277
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,736
♪ You can'tRemember your name ♪
278
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:15,240
♪ 'Cause thereAin't no one for... ♪
279
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,242
That helped me
get to bed last night. .
280
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,244
My stuff's on the other side.
281
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,747
I recorded my thoughts
282
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,249
while I drove home
from work yesterday. .
283
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,750
Bill... .
284
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,752
Shh. I'm almost to the part
285
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:32,257
where I get so depressed,
I swerve into oncoming traffic.
286
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,262
Listen, Bill...
287
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:40,765
this book is obviously causing
you a great deal of pain,
288
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:43,268
and I think I have a solution. .
289
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,770
Does it involve a gun
with a built-in mouthpiece? .
290
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,272
Don't write it. .
291
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,273
Hey... .
292
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:52,777
Hey, Bill,
that is an excellent suggestion, huh? .
293
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,279
Yeah. .
294
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,281
Just give up. Who cares? .
295
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:57,782
Just give up.
296
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:01,786
I'll tell you who cares...
Those people out there. .
297
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,289
Sure, they'll be
disappointed for a little while... .
298
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,790
Disappointed?
They'll be overjoyed. .
299
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:08,793
This is just what
they've been waiting to see. .
300
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,795
Bill McNeal falling on his ass. .
301
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:11,796
That's not true. .
302
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,298
Who cares what they think? .
303
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,802
Yeah, that's not true. .
304
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,804
Yeah, those people
have always been very... .
305
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:22,307
Tolerant... Supportive. .
306
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:25,810
Are you telling me
you have never once
307
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,313
wished for the day
you could see me fail
308
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
so you could laugh
and laugh and laugh? .
309
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,320
Not once. .
310
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,322
You're laughing right now...
311
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,324
on the inside.
312
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,326
I am not. .
313
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:42,827
No, she really isn't, Bill.
314
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:45,830
I've seen her
laughing on the inside,
315
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,332
it looks nothing like this. .
316
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,337
I don't believe you. What? .
317
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,339
You are laughing on the inside. .
318
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,840
No, I'm not. Yes, you are. .
319
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:58,843
Now, you're doing it
on the outside now. .
320
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,846
Okay, all right, come on. .
321
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,848
Look, uh,
Beth... Beth, come here.
322
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,350
Matthew? .
323
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,352
What's up? Come here. .
324
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,354
Look, we need
to have a talk, okay? .
325
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,857
Shouldn't we wait until
Bill and Catherine are off the air? .
326
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,359
No, no. This is about Bill. .
327
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,860
Don't look, don't look. .
328
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,362
What's up? .
329
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,364
We're playing some kind of game
330
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,366
where we can't look at Bill. .
331
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,868
Now, I just wanted
to let you guys know
332
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,371
that Bill is feeling very vulnerable
right now, so it's really important... .
333
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,873
What's going on, you guys? .
334
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,375
We're talking about
what's bothering Bill. .
335
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,377
Don't look, don't look.
336
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:35,380
I don't get it.
What's wrong with Bill? .
337
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:39,884
Well, he's having certain difficulties
in... in writing his book. .
338
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:44,389
He hasn't written
a word, has he? .
339
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,391
Yeah, that's pretty
much the case.
340
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,892
I knew it. .
341
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,894
And he's very afraid
you're all going to laugh at him,
342
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,397
which I'm sure you won't. .
343
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,899
Look, look, what's so funny?
344
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,401
Beth, come on. .
345
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,902
What? .
346
00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,904
Oh, my God. .
347
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:03,908
Nothing, nothing's funny. .
348
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:07,412
Oh, it's all so sad. .
349
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,415
No, it is...
No, it's not funny. .
350
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,417
It really isn't.
Come on, seriously. .
351
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,919
Yeah, Bill can be
very, very arrogant, but...
352
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,924
to see him fail
so publicly is... .
353
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:23,428
Okay, okay, I get it now. .
354
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,431
All right, this isn't just
embarrassing for Bill. .
355
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,933
This is a real
life-crisis for him. .
356
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,935
And as crazy as it sounds,
357
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,437
Dave thinks that it's important
358
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:33,438
that we stand behind him. .
359
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:34,439
Okay. Yeah. .
360
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,940
We'll all stand behind him. .
361
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,442
Thanks. .
362
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,943
Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill. .
363
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:43,948
Hey, how's it going,
you big loser? .
364
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,949
Come on, guys. .
365
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,451
Ahem. .
366
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:53,458
Hey, guys, let's make a real
effort when Bill gets here
367
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,460
because he's really
feeling down. .
368
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,462
Well, he sure hasn't
been acting down. .
369
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,464
In fact, he's been
cockier than ever.
370
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,965
Catherine. .
371
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,967
What? He has been cocky. .
372
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:06,471
Oh, I thought you said
something else. .
373
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,473
Hi, gang. Sorry
to keep you waiting. .
374
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,975
It's not a party until
you get here, Bill.
375
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,978
I was just finishing up
the section on my college years. .
376
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,480
It wouldn't have taken me
so long,
377
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:18,983
but I was just laughing myself silly
over some of those old stories. .
378
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,486
That's just terrific, Bill. .
379
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,488
Good work there, Bill. .
380
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,989
You don't have to tell us
381
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,491
what the stories
are about or anything. .
382
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,992
We totally believe you. .
383
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,994
Don't try to butter me up
384
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:32,497
so you can get on
the dedication page. .
385
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,999
Who are you going
to dedicate it to? .
386
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,000
My mother. .
387
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,503
Oh! That is so sweet. .
388
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:42,507
Or maybe the guy
who invented the microphone. .
389
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,008
Good choices, good choices. .
390
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,510
Mm-hmm. Yeah. .
391
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,512
You know what? .
392
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,014
That tie looks
really good on you.
393
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,517
I've been meaning
to tell you that.
394
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,519
I like your haircut. .
395
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,021
Yeah. Not too long,
not too short. .
396
00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:01,025
It's just perfect. .
397
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:04,028
You told them, didn't you? .
398
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,030
Told them what? .
399
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,032
That I haven't written a word. .
400
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:12,036
That my life couldn't fill up
a haiku much less a book. .
401
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,037
Bill, come on. .
402
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,039
Hey, everybody. Hey, Bill. .
403
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,542
Hey, man, I just
wanted to tell you
404
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,546
the way you read
the weather today, it was just great. .
405
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,048
You know,
it was, like, the best weather
406
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,050
I've ever heard you do. .
407
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:30,054
Oh, come on, Bill.
A man like you. .
408
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,558
You must have a ton
of fascinating stories. .
409
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,561
Just how exactly
would you describe a guy like me? .
410
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,564
Well, okay, a guy who...
411
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:42,066
you know...
412
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,569
works in radio... .
413
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,070
And has a great voice... .
414
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,573
Great hair... .
415
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:52,076
Um, great tie, great clothes... .
416
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,078
Um... .
417
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,580
God, this is hard. .
418
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,582
It's tough. .
419
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,584
The problem, as I see it,
420
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,587
is I have absolutely
no personality of my own. .
421
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,088
No. No. No. .
422
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,090
Bill, come on. .
423
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,592
Seriously, I envy you people. .
424
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:11,596
There's something distinct and
individual about each one of you.
425
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,097
Beth...
426
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,600
the red-headed firebrand
with a lust for life,
427
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:20,104
despite her go-nowhere job.
428
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,606
Joe...
429
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:25,610
two-bit hood manqué
with a can-do attitude
430
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,112
that borders on
delusional psychosis.
431
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:32,617
Matthew...
432
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,118
I don't exactly know
what you are,
433
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,120
but there aren't many like you. .
434
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,623
Wow, thank you. .
435
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,124
Okay, well,
what about me, Bill? .
436
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:44,128
Now, all I have is
a good radio voice, just like you. .
437
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:47,131
Just like me,
except you're a woman, and you're black. .
438
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,633
Ooh, what I wouldn't give... .
439
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:52,637
It's not everything
it's made out to be, Bill. .
440
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,140
Sorry I had to play
the race card. .
441
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:57,642
Okay. .
442
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,143
Where you going, Bill?
443
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,645
I need a drink. .
444
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,647
Well, have a drink with us. .
445
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,150
Sometimes, a man
just has to drink alone. .
446
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,152
Wow, right there, there you go. .
447
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,155
That is a perfect
opening line for a book. .
448
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:16,160
"Sometimes, a drinking man..." .
449
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,162
How did that go again? .
450
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,164
"Needs to be alone
with his drink." .
451
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,667
"A drink needs..."
Where'd he go?
452
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,168
I don't know. .
453
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,671
Exactly how depressed is he? .
454
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,673
Well, he's still not in yet. .
455
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,675
Yeah, I'm getting worried. .
456
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,177
This isn't like Bill
to be this late. .
457
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,179
God, you don't think
he killed himself, do you? .
458
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,180
That is so morbid. .
459
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,682
Who killed himself? .
460
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,683
Bill. .
461
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,184
Wow. .
462
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,185
Maybe... Probably not.
463
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,187
I wish you guys had told me
464
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,690
he was having trouble
with the book. .
465
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,191
We didn't know ourselves.
466
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,694
I probably made
the poor guy feel worse, you know,
467
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:53,698
with all the huzzahs
and hooplas about the book deal.
468
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,199
I mean, this...
This stupid thing.
469
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,702
I've got to get it out of here.
470
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:01,707
I don't want him feeling
any more miserable than he already is. .
471
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:08,713
Et tu, Jimmy? .
472
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,715
Just kidding, of course. .
473
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:13,718
Are you feeling better, Bill? .
474
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:14,719
Better than better. .
475
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,220
Well, what happened?
476
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,722
I'm glad you asked.
It's quite a story. .
477
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:18,723
Hey, Bill. .
478
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,725
Come on over here, sweetheart.
479
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,727
I'd like you to hear this. .
480
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,228
Last night, I...
481
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,229
Beth, move over here
482
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:28,232
so you can better see my face. .
483
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:31,736
Last night, I hit
my emotional bottom,
484
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,738
and I have you people
to thank for that. .
485
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,741
We're really sorry, Bill. .
486
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:37,742
No, you're not. .
487
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:38,743
Yes, they are, Bill. .
488
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,745
Whatever, it's not
relevant. Anyway... .
489
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,246
After I hit the bottom,
490
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:45,249
I looked up,
and you know what I saw? .
491
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,251
The top? .
492
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,252
That's right! .
493
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:50,254
So I started climbing
494
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,756
toward the top. .
495
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:56,761
Slowly, but surely,
climbing, climbing... .
496
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,763
Dude, can you hurry this up? .
497
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,765
Climbing, climbing,
climbing, climbing. .
498
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:04,268
And when it was over,
I had this...
499
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:08,272
the first three
chapters of my book. .
500
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:11,776
So for those of you who have just been
waiting to see me fall on my ass...
501
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,278
get comfortable,
because it's going to be a long wait. .
502
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:18,282
Bill, try to remember
that everyone here put in a sincere effort
503
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,785
to help you through
a difficult time. .
504
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:24,288
Right. Thanks for
your help, everyone. .
505
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,290
Look, Bill, don't go
getting cocky again. .
506
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,792
It's hard not to. .
507
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,294
You'd be cocky too,
if you had this,
508
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,797
because it's that good. .
509
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,299
Okay. That's it. That's it.
You're not writing your book. .
510
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,301
Lighten up, Dave.
He's just overcompensating
511
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,303
because he's a little nervous
about finishing it. .
512
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,305
He wishes, my dear. .
513
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,307
Look, Bill, I'm sorry,
but it's getting disruptive. .
514
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:47,311
We can't rush off to a bar
every time you get writer's block.
515
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:48,813
I could.
516
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,315
I'm writing the book.
End of story. .
517
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,316
You can write
all you want, Bill,
518
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,818
but you're not going to publish
519
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,820
because I'm not
signing the release. Remember this? .
520
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,822
Issue's closed.
521
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,823
Dave, that's not fair.
522
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,324
I don't care, Catherine. .
523
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,326
Oh, don't worry,
this isn't over. .
524
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:05,329
Heck no. You get in there
and fight for your rights.
525
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,332
I think I'll do that. .
526
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:15,840
Do you think they bought it? .
527
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,842
Yeah... yeah, I think they did. .
528
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,844
Oh, thank you, thank you. .
529
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,345
You don't think
I overplayed it, do you? .
530
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:24,348
No. It was a thing of beauty. .
531
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,851
Thanks. What did you use
for your manuscript? .
532
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:29,353
Oh, this is just
an old term paper of mine.
533
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:32,357
I guess that explains
why it smells of beer.
534
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,362
Dave, on behalf of the staff,
535
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,864
I'd like to say
536
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,867
that we think you're being
very unfair to Bill. .
537
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,870
Well, I'm sorry,
but the issue is closed.
538
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,873
I'm impressed.
I was sure you'd tell her. .
539
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:49,874
Tell me what? .
540
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,375
Nothing. .
541
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,878
Nothing I can do
will change your mind? .
542
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,379
No, Bill. .
543
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:59,383
What? Wait a minute.
Tell me what? .
544
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:00,885
Very good. That was
very convincing. .
545
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,887
Very good. That was nice. .
546
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,388
Do you think he bought it? .
547
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:06,391
Of course, I didn't.
39704
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