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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,200
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
2
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,600
Brilliant! Found you!
Sergeant Morrision, is it?
3
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,240
Yes, ma'am. Captain Ellen Best.
4
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,720
I'm the new ATO with
Bluestone 42 who are...
5
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,040
Oh.
6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,360
THEY PANT
7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,480
Come on, Mac!
8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,680
We tabbed it over.
Which was...informative.
9
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,960
Thirsty!
10
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:36,160
They're a work in progress,
but excellence takes time.
11
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,320
As does fitness...
12
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,840
trust...
13
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,480
and everything else.
14
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:45,480
So, you found a stash of home-made
explosive? Just over here.
15
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,360
You lot are slower than my nipper,
and she shuffles on her arse.
16
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,160
You got here last!
17
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,760
I was bringing up the rear!
The fastest goes at the back.
18
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,480
The fastest gets there first.
19
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,040
I don't think you understand
what a race is, Towerblock.
20
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,840
It wasn't a race.
You're just saying that cos I won.
21
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,280
You didn't win.
The fittest brings up the rear!
22
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,520
Back me up here, Bird.
Oh, whatever.
23
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,320
Fight your own battles.
24
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,080
Not really how the army works,
but thanks, Bird.
25
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,680
OK, team!
26
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,280
Let's see some fives and twenties,
set up an ICP and...
27
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,080
HE PANTS AND GROANS
28
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,840
Simon, are you OK?
Totally ready, ma'am.
29
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,920
Good.
30
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,760
Can't believe she made us
tab it all the way back.
31
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,160
It's called leadership, Mac. Is it?
32
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,360
Nick would've sorted out
transport...
33
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,040
..somehow.
34
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,400
Or got us to carry him.
35
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,200
Oh, I think she's the kind of leader
we've been crying out for.
36
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,680
You fancy her. What? No.
37
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,280
It's called the chain of command.
38
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,840
Ah, got you!
39
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,360
"Oh, Captain, tie me up
with your chain of command.
40
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,880
"Oh, ma'am! Oh!"
41
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,960
OK, guys. Take a seat, take a seat.
42
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,200
Right.
43
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,280
Why did we join the Army? Go!
44
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,600
Don't think about it. Go.
45
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,200
Shoot people. Free food!
46
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,560
Blow shit up. Annoy my parents.
47
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,680
Do you want to know
why I joined the army?
48
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,560
I joined the army
because I wanted to...
49
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,360
Er, boss? Oh, sorry.
Yes, Simon. Go ahead.
50
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,560
I wanted to be the best.
51
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,360
Great, yes! Me too!
52
00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,160
I wanted to be the best.
53
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,720
And I want you to want
to be the best.
54
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,320
So that's why, after Ops, my teams
always have coldies and PMA.
55
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,840
Great!
56
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,400
What is that?
57
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,600
Cold drinks and a Post Match
Analysis of the last operation.
58
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,600
A totally non-judgemental chat about
all the mistakes that were made.
59
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,800
What? But we found the HME
and blew it up.
60
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,200
SHE GASPS
Oh, was that wrong?
61
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,920
No. But I've seen
the way you operate.
62
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,960
Or the way you've been
allowed to operate.
63
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,880
"Allowed to operate"?
64
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,000
Look at this. This is
six months out of date.
65
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,440
This hasn't been current
since Herrick 14.
66
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,440
And this is smeared with what
I can only hope is chocolate spread.
67
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,320
Are we really being the best?
68
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,960
At putting up posters? Probs not.
69
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,720
Ma'am, let me volunteer
to sort out the notice board.
70
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:53,920
There it is.
71
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,840
And the storage system in the team
ISO needs to be rationalising.
72
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,240
He wants to sort out
your box, ma'am.
73
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,840
OK. Thank you. So, I put some cans in
the evidence fridge before we left.
74
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,760
I'll get them! Mint. Gleaming!
75
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,600
Cold drinks help with alertness.
76
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,560
Alertness leads to
a positive attitude.
77
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,000
I call it alertitude.
78
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,160
The fridge... It's gone!
79
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,200
ALL: What?
80
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,360
See? No fridge!
81
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,080
My cheese was in that fridge!
82
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,800
BOTH: No, it wasn't.
83
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,560
Bloody hell.
84
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,680
OK, guys. Very funny.
85
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,680
This is the Bluestone 42
I've heard about!
86
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,520
So where's the fridge?
Fuck knows.
87
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,640
Ma'am.
88
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,120
OK. Great!
89
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,320
Humour!
90
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,360
Wind up the new ATO.
91
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,760
But humour can get in the way
of best practice
92
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,680
and that is what's
happened here. So...
93
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,200
Boss, we didn't nick it!
Everyone wants a cold drink.
94
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,400
So where's the fridge?
95
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,120
Or will I have to check
your quarters?
96
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,160
OK, then.
97
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,200
Right. So where is it?
98
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,560
Am I really going to have to tell the
colonel there's a thief on base?
99
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,160
Oh! Is there?
100
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,800
Humour again. Good.
101
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,880
We didn't nick it.
102
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,920
OK, if none of you are
going to admit it...
103
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,200
No?
104
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,120
..I'll go and see the colonel.
105
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,720
No?
106
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,680
OK, I'll go.
107
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,240
Nice! She thinks we're
a bunch of thieving bastards
108
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,280
and she basically just
called Nick a dick.
109
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,840
How we've been "allowed to operate"?
110
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:47,960
In all fairness,
Nick was a bit of a dick.
111
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,720
Mmm, Nick was the best.
112
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,840
To me, all the Ruperts just meld
into one massive Rupert.
113
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,040
Yeah! There's a new
broom in town, Bird.
114
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,840
She's cleaning up.
115
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,760
She's cleaning us. She's...
116
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,440
Never mind!
117
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,400
Fancies her! Too right!
118
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,800
Come on, let's go and get a brew.
Oh! Race you to the cookhouse.
119
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,000
First one to get there wins,
just in case you'd forgotten.
120
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,120
For fuck's sake!
121
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,240
I'm as fit as a butcher's dog, me.
122
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,240
A butcher's dog on steroids.
123
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,040
The kind of steroids that
make you weak and slow?
124
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,920
Beep test. Jerrycan test.
125
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,920
I'll beat Rocket at anything!
126
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,680
Do both! In Catterick our sergeant
made us do a beep test
127
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,920
carrying jerrycans after we put
a Thunderflash down a toilet.
128
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,800
Rocket still got an 11.
129
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,240
Aye. And covered in shit.
130
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,160
Come on, then.
131
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,320
Ah, Captain Best.
132
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,720
Putting your team
through their paces, I see.
133
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,040
Oh!
134
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,880
Great! Always good to focus
on fitness and appearance.
135
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,640
Look smart, think smart, fight smart.
136
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,040
Hm. I had no idea those three
separate things were linked.
137
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,640
Illuminating. Well, got to raise
the standards after...
138
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,520
You know. Do go on.
139
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,080
Nick Medhurst...
140
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,280
..is a great ATO,
but I do things my way.
141
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,800
Which, you'll be pleased to hear,
is the Army way.
142
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,720
Oh. Is it?
143
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,680
Yes, sir. He gave them
a lot of leeway.
144
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,800
Practical jokes. Humour.
145
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:33,960
Oh, no...
146
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,720
Is that your fridge, sir?
147
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,280
Yes, got to keep the gazpacho cold.
148
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,360
It's just that it says
Bluestone 42 on it.
149
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,680
Does it?
150
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,800
Well, I never!
151
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,680
I suppose you'd better
have this back.
152
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,840
Thank you, sir! The team will...
153
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,280
I'm sure it'll be just as effective
on another fridge...
154
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,360
Oh. ..should you need one.
155
00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,120
You're not really collecting
DNA evidence any more, are you?
With the drawdown.
156
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,360
No, sir, but...
What's the first rule?
157
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,120
Finders keepers. What's
the second rule? Losers weepers.
158
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,400
Carry on. Yes, sir.
159
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,960
Beep! Beep!
160
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,720
Beep! Beep!
161
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,760
What are you? Roadrunner?
162
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:20,640
Beep! Beep!
163
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,760
Erm, hi.
164
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,480
Turns out the colonel has the fridge.
165
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,000
So, good news -
you guys didn't steal it.
166
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,440
Apologies in order. Issued.
Tick. We all move on.
167
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,920
Er, do we, boss?
168
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,560
I mean, you falsely accused
your team of stealing,
169
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,320
but I'm sure they'll learn
to trust you again.
170
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,760
Eventually.
Bird, it's only a fridge.
171
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,480
A fridge that Nick got them.
And that was not easy.
172
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,480
Oh, he was brilliant.
173
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,120
Well, it's standard issue, isn't it?
174
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,480
DNA evidence?
I'll just requisition a new one.
175
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,240
Good idea, ma'am.
That'll definitely work. Mm.
176
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,640
One more thing.
177
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,680
I've been looking at what Nick
probably thought of as his paperwork
178
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,960
and there's no record
of refresher training
179
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,760
on Battlefield Life-saving Skills,
Health and Safety...
180
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,920
Oh, we didn't have time for that.
What with this, erm...
181
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,240
..war.
182
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,800
Sure. But you didn't do any
Rapid Response training?
183
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,480
Situational Awareness?
Oh, we did Situational Awareness.
184
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,920
Yeah, Rocket got confused. Thought
we were playing hide and seek.
185
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,320
So we played hide and seek.
Which was awesome.
186
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,440
See you later!
187
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,920
Beep! Beep!
188
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,480
Beep! For fuck's sake!
189
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:38,000
Scotland, the fittest nation
on earth! Beep!
190
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,080
I don't fucking believe it.
191
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,840
Great work, guys!
192
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,560
Hands in the air. I've let you down
on the fridge.
193
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,400
Nick's fridge. The team fridge.
So I will get you a new one.
194
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,600
Promise. Beep! Is he all right?
195
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,480
He's fine. Beep!
196
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,400
Probably needs new batteries.
197
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:57,640
Beep!
198
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:14,320
Ah, ma'am. Would you like to
inspect your new, tidy Iso?
199
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,680
Sure. And do call me Ellen.
200
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,600
I've been wanting to do this
for ages, but Nick was all,
201
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,760
"Don't bother, Medal."
202
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,440
Ah, sorry, I should explain.
203
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,640
Sometimes the guys
like to call me Medal.
204
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,720
Oh, have you got a... No, not yet.
205
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,000
Nick wrote me up for one, but
the committee's probably deciding
206
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,320
what "no regard for his own safety"
means in medal terms.
207
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,560
Anyway...er...
208
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,200
Wow!
209
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:53,280
That is, er, a bit tidier
than it was before.
210
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,640
Thank you, Simon.
211
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,040
I've left space for the fridge,
212
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,800
if some bloody clown
owns up to stealing it.
213
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,200
Well, actually the Colonel has it.
But we're getting a new one.
214
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,800
No, you're not! What?
215
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,720
I can't possibly
allow this requisition.
216
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,640
By the time a new fridge gets here,
the Afghans will be in charge.
217
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:14,000
As I think I've shown, the only way
to get a fridge is to steal one.
218
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,640
Sir, I hope that's not... Carry on!
219
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,480
That's fine.
I will get a fridge somehow.
220
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,160
That is a Captain Best promise.
221
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,320
Oh, yes, ma'am...
222
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,840
Ellen.
223
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,240
Are you OK?
224
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,400
Oh! Yes! It's just the sun.
225
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,920
This tent's actually
been set up all wrong.
226
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,680
It should actually have been
oriented ten degrees that way.
227
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,960
You want me
to move the Det by ten degrees?
228
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,200
Could you?
229
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,720
THEY LAUGH
Sure.
230
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,800
Great! OK! And I will check!
231
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,240
Jasmine!
232
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,960
Where the fuck did you come from?
Are you stalking me?
233
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,280
I need help beating Rocket
234
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,720
and you've got something
other people just don't have.
235
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,320
Drugs? I'll get the price list.
236
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,960
No. Not that. Come here.
237
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,440
Touch me again
and I'll cut your nuts off!
238
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,800
Beep! Faster, you piece of meat!
239
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,080
Is this the sort of level
you're after? Yeah...
240
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,280
Beep!
241
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,200
I will take a razorblade
to your fucking perineum!
242
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,000
Aaargh! This is fun!
243
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,880
Fuck your enemy!
Fuck him in the eye!
244
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,960
Right, better make this
the last hand of the night.
245
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,000
We have got work to do.
246
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,680
C'mon, Rocket. Bling!
247
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:40,320
Hmm? Oh! I still think we should
have invited Ellen to play.
248
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,080
Oooh, Ellen!
249
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,280
What? She said I could.
It's her name.
250
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,720
# Ellen and Medal up a tree
251
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,880
# W-A-N-K-I-N-G H-I-M O-F-F. #
252
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,320
W-A...
253
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,000
"Waking him up"?
254
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,480
Hi, guys. Ooh, cards.
255
00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,680
Yep.
256
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,600
Kicking back with a bit of poker
and some nice warm drinks.
257
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,560
When life doesn't give you a fridge,
drink warm lemonade. Mmm!
258
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,880
Bird, can I have a word?
259
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,920
Yep. I fold anyway.
260
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,760
OK, a-hem...
261
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,560
The Colonel.
262
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,760
Is he always so, erm...
263
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,120
I...
264
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,120
He's nuts, isn't he?
265
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,680
Yeah. Pretty much.
266
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,320
He said the only way to get
a fridge is to steal one.
267
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:31,680
Interesting.
268
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,680
Do you think he wants me
to steal the fridge back?
269
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,080
Erm...
270
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,800
Probably.
271
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,080
Yeah, yes.
272
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,680
You should totally do that.
273
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,600
I could get into so much trouble.
Mm.
274
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,840
Still, you did promise.
275
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:56,360
Guys, I am going to steal
the fridge back.
276
00:13:56,360 --> 00:14:00,080
From a Lieutenant Colonel.
For you. My team.
277
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,720
All right.
Ma'am, I volunteer to be lookout.
278
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,120
No. I think this is something
I have to do on my own.
279
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,680
Got it!
280
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,600
"Wanking him off"!
281
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,680
But why up a tree?
282
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,000
TENSE MUSIC
283
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,160
DOOR CREAKS
284
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,880
Oh, shit it!
285
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,120
You want fridge?
286
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,080
Yes. No. Yes...if you can get
one by tomorrow morning.
287
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160
50 dollars. It is agreed.
288
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,480
Wait, 50?
30. Half off for first order.
289
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,320
Well, I haven't seen the...
Half off is 25.
290
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,560
Five dollar booking fee. Bye-bye!
291
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,760
Towerblock, are you OK?
292
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,120
You look like my mum
after my Uncle Rab's been round
293
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,840
for his afternoon lie-down.
We are having a Beep Test rematch.
294
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,800
1600 hours. Out there.
And I'm going to beat you!
295
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,640
Are you? OK.
296
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,400
Notice anything?
297
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,720
Yeah, your chin is on my shoulder.
298
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,800
The Det.
299
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,560
No?
300
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,120
We moved it. Ten degrees.
301
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,960
Why?
302
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,200
Captain Best didn't like the way
the sun was coming in.
303
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,640
Typical Rupert!
304
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,880
Surprised she didn't get you
to move the sun instead!
305
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,440
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Towerblock.
She's not insane!
306
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,520
Oh, is this about Simon moving
the Det because he fancies Ellen?
307
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:08,040
THEY LAUGH MOCKINGLY
No. She gave me orders,
so I obey them.
308
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,480
That's why ye fancy her.
Ye like being ordered about.
309
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,240
Your old fiancee used to order
you about and you liked that.
310
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,280
No... Aye.
Captain Best, the new Charlotte.
311
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,720
Ha-ha-ha!
312
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,240
She is not the new Charlotte.
313
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,720
Morning, Boss.
314
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,120
Morning!
315
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,280
Notice anything?
316
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,880
The Det, we moved it as ordered.
317
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,720
Simon, I was joking!
318
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,000
Yes.
319
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,320
I knew that...
320
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,760
and we moved it as part of the joke!
321
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,960
For fuck's sake! Eh?
322
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,120
Erm...funny!
323
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,240
And we'll be moving it back.
324
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,320
So...
325
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,040
..the joke's on you!
326
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,200
Or us...
327
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,760
Or someone.
328
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,720
Ah-ha! One Captain Best
promise delivered.
329
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,360
Faster than requisition!
Cheaper than Dixons!
330
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,600
Faruq, that's a wooden box,
painted white.
331
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,520
Yes. You put a block of ice
in the top,
332
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,840
will keep the contents cold
two, three hours.
333
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,640
Where am I going to get
a block of ice from?
334
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,640
You want freezer?
Oh, you've got a freezer?
335
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,600
No, it's just another box, isn't it?
336
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,240
Well...
337
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,720
No, just...
338
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,400
OK. Hands in the air. I'm sorry.
339
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,920
I have failed on the fridge front.
340
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,600
But can we just get on with
analysing yesterday's operation?
341
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,000
But we need coldies.
You did promise, Boss.
342
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,800
This is pathetic! We're soldiers.
343
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,840
We should want to be the best
with or without coldies.
344
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,040
I'm trying to create a different
mind-set here but you know what?
345
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,240
Just fuck it!
346
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,120
Let's just muddle along
until someone else gets blown up!
347
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,600
Er, Boss, you know Nick's injury
wasn't his fault?
348
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,360
You've read the report.
I know, I know. No respect.
349
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,600
Fine, Bird, I'll say it.
I don't respect Nick Medhurst.
350
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,600
Why? Because he didn't respect you.
Any of you.
351
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,440
Because he didn't push you.
352
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,880
I extended my tour for you,
353
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,640
because I heard that you could be
the best team in Afghan.
354
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,040
Potential operator.
Potential chief bleep.
355
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,520
Potential Army 100.
356
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,680
Special Forces.
357
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,120
Very tidy.
358
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,440
But in order to do that,
you have to work at it, hard.
359
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,600
So can we forget
about the stupid fridge?
360
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,680
Nick would've got it back.
361
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,360
No, he wouldn't! How?
362
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,520
I don't know, Boss.
Maybe he'd have just asked.
363
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,800
Ask? Genius! I have actually...
364
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,360
I haven't specifically...
365
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,080
I will ask. Meeting postponed.
366
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,400
Follow me, bitch.
367
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,680
Oh, not again. It's beast o'clock.
368
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,400
Sir.
369
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,560
Ah, Captain! Like the new Det.
370
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,040
Jaunty.
371
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,880
Er, yeah, thanks. Can I ask...
372
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,000
It's not really orthodox,
using basil in gazpacho,
373
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,440
but I find it just works.
374
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,120
What's the first rule?
375
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,520
Do what works.
376
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,160
I'm not really a recipe
kind of a girl, sir.
377
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,800
I just eat what's in the tin.
Anyway...
378
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,200
Yes, but sometimes,
you have to think outside the tin.
379
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,040
Fresh fruit and things like that?
380
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,440
I mean let go of the tin.
You don't need the tin.
381
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,480
Approach the problem
in a less tinny way.
382
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,000
Sir, about the fridge.
Should I talk to the CQMS or...
383
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,720
No.
384
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,000
All the fridges you need...
385
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,160
..are already here.
386
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,320
Sir, can I have the fridge back? No.
387
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,600
Right. OK.
388
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,360
Sir. Sorry, Boss, shout on.
Transport in ten.
389
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,640
Sir.
390
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,880
Ooh, gazpacho.
391
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,320
Mmm!
392
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,760
PEOPLE CHATTER
393
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,680
Faruq.
394
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,320
Do you want to come and take
a look once I've rendered it safe?
395
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,320
You'll need experience
at the business end
396
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,680
if you're going to be an operator.
Oh, mint. Cheers, Boss!
397
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,080
Bumlick!
398
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,720
We've got a new Ato, Bird.
Get over it. Everyone else has.
399
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,720
Yeah, at the exact moment
she blew smoke up our arses.
400
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,920
So, standard procedure.
I want you 30 yards back, OK?
401
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,800
Yes, ma'am.
402
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,240
MIMICKING HIM: Yes, ma'am!
Have you got a hard-on?
403
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,080
No, it's the constriction
of the blood flow with the bla...
404
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,120
I haven't anyway! Eyes on!
405
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,960
Actually, Bird, can we widen
the cordon to 150 metres?
406
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,040
Really, Boss? Why?
407
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,880
I don't like the atmospherics.
408
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,240
Because the device feels rushed,
like it's a come-on.
409
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,880
And because, Corporal, I'm a captain
410
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,320
and a highly-trained Ato
on my second fucking tour!
411
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,800
Yes, Boss.
412
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,600
Charlie Charlie One, this is
Bluestone 42. We are extending
413
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,080
the cordon to one five zero metres.
414
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,360
Diamond 21, acknowledge. Over.
415
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:29,640
Diamond 21. Roger. Out.
416
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,520
Check this guy out.
He looks about 160.
417
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,600
Keep your eyes on him.
He could be a threat.
418
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,440
Ha! Him? What's he going to do?
419
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,160
Come up close and piss hisself?
Ha-ha-ha!
420
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,720
OK. Cordon secure, Boss.
421
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,200
Thank you, Bird.
422
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,600
Observation, anticipation, control.
423
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,640
Boss on the move!
424
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,560
That guy's really lost it.
425
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,120
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Get back!
426
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,440
Boss, get back!
427
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,880
Cover!
428
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,680
FARUQ SHOUTS IN OWN LANGUAGE
429
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,640
Wadrega!
430
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,760
Hands in the air!
431
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,040
Hands in the air!
432
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,640
SHOUTS IN OWN LANGUAGE
433
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,400
Everyone down!
434
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,600
EXPLOSION
435
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,480
Fuckin' hell!
436
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,760
Fuck me!
437
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,440
Everyone OK?
438
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,920
Skip? Skip? Are you all right?
439
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,000
Yes.
440
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,200
You all right, Towerblock?
You all right, Bird?
441
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,560
Yeah!
442
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:58,040
Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.
Contact, suicide bomber.
443
00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,440
Sitrep to follow. Wait out.
444
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,200
His fuckin' head came off!
Did you see it?
445
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,800
That was fuckin' mingin'!
446
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,920
I thought he was just
some old stoned guy.
447
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,560
He was. They get guys that are about
to die, they drug them
448
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,080
and they talk them into it.
449
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,400
That is fucked up!
450
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,840
Yeah, well, that's the Taliban.
451
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,600
First suicide bomber?
452
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,080
Yeah. I think so.
453
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,000
We had a couple in Kandahar.
454
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,960
You always get traumatic
amputation of the head.
455
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,000
SHE MAKES BURSTING SOUND
456
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,320
No, it's not nice.
457
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,640
Sorry, Nick Medhurst would probably
say something humorous now
458
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,040
to get you all laughing but, er...
459
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,720
Well, I'm just going to get the job
done and get you home ASAP, yeah?
460
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,720
It's a shame we're not
collecting forensics.
461
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,960
There's a bit on Mac's face.
462
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,200
Eh?
463
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,280
Urgh! Fuck!
464
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,640
HE RETCHES
465
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,920
I think I'm going tae boak!
466
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,840
DNA evidence! Bird, that is genius!
467
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:01,800
Bloody hell.
468
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,760
Yep, that'll do it.
469
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,480
Could you find Captain Best for me?
Yes, sir.
470
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,200
# Where's your head at?
471
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,680
# Where's your head at?
Where's your head at? #
472
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,360
The race is ready to begin.
473
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,800
Will the players
take their jerrycans!
474
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:27,800
If you lose, I will catheterise you
with a bendy straw!
475
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,320
What have I done?
476
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,960
Here's yours, Towerblock.
477
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,560
No! I don't fancy running
with these English cans.
478
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,680
They're way heavier. You what?
479
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,520
THUD
480
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:41,920
LIGHT ECHO
481
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,200
You cheating bastard! That's how
he beat me the first time.
482
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,720
So I am the fittest.
483
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,640
Oh, forget it. Test's off.
484
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,800
Oh, test's off? I thought
we could all do it together.
485
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,920
Team bonding.
486
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,640
Bonding? With that cheating bastard?
487
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,160
Chill out, Towerblock.
488
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,120
Literally...with a cold drink.
489
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,560
Fuck me, it's the fridge!
Ooh, is there ice cream?
490
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,240
How did you get it back?
491
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,280
Well...
492
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,000
That is mingin'!
Jesus, Boss!
493
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,120
I double-bagged it!
Basic food hygiene!
494
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,800
Had to get the fridge back somehow.
495
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,160
And I thought, what would
Nick Medhurst have done?
496
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,360
Not that! He wasn't a psychopath!
497
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,680
Not sure he'd have bothered
to get it back at all.
498
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,000
Or he'd have got it
and just stuck it in his quarters.
499
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,240
Yeah, thinking about it, he'd have
probably just told us to fuck off.
500
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,760
Aye. Yeah.
Well, I'm sure he wouldn't.
501
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,480
Anyway, why don't we all do the test
and work up a thirst?
502
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,720
Work up a thirst?
It's 36 degrees in the shade!
503
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,280
Tell me about it.
504
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,240
I just finished moving
the bloody Det back.
505
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,880
Simon, you didn't have to...
506
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,280
Good! Great work!
507
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,600
HE BABBLES
508
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,480
OK, is everyone doing the test?
509
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,160
THEY AGREE
510
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,000
Bit tired, but I suppose so,
Charlotte.
511
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,640
THEY LAUGH MOCKINGLY
512
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,560
Captain. Charlotte?
513
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,560
I said Captain, Boss, ma'am.
514
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,880
OK...Grab those jerrycans,
everyone.
515
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,960
Um, Jasmine, will you do
the honours?
516
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,240
I would be fucking delighted.
517
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,440
Beep!
518
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,720
MUSIC: The Final Countdown
by Europe
519
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,600
Ha-ha! Yes!
520
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,080
Hey, Mac, now who's the fittest, eh?
521
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,400
Who's the fittest?
522
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,480
Uh, fucking hell.
That woman is a machine.
523
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,520
Beep!
524
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,560
Beep!
525
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,080
APPLAUSE
526
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,720
Great work, everyone! Coldies!
527
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,240
Nice one, Boss!
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
528
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,800
PMA first thing tomorrow morning.
529
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,840
Now though, we need
to return the...
530
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,520
DNA evidence,
so they can have a proper burial.
531
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,600
Towerblock, can you run it back to
the village for me? What, now, Boss?
532
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,640
Ma'am, I've got this.
533
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,040
Pick it up...and fucking run,
you tapeworm!
534
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,440
Pick it up, pick...
Run, fucking run...
535
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,280
Run, you fuckwit, fucking run!
536
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,880
Everyone else, situational
awareness training in 15 minutes.
537
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,560
Situational awareness! Brilliant!
538
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,640
I'll count to 100
and you all go and hide.
539
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,520
Best team in Afghan. You know it.
540
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,520
Three...four...five...
541
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,000
six...seven...eight...
542
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,600
er, nine...
543
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,960
ten...11?
544
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,320
Uh...
39049
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