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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,040
This programme contains strong
language and contains adult humour.
2
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,320
Boss. Do you know what's going on?
3
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,920
100 soldiers...
4
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,520
..are running about.
5
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,920
Do you need more detail than that?
6
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,680
Why are you so perky?
7
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,000
Well, when you've had a kid,
0500 feels like a lie-in.
8
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,360
Don't know why we have to clear
compounds at 5am.
9
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,480
You know the drill - it's a time
of our own choosing.
10
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,160
Not a time of my choosing.
11
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,440
I'd chose tea-time.
12
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,720
After a wank and a scone.
13
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,000
Boss, I know you went
to boarding school
14
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,920
but that's not what a cream tea is.
15
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,400
HE KNOCKS
16
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,240
Tired, boss?
Been up all night reading?
17
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,360
You what?
18
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,080
The books I lent you.
19
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,120
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
trilogy.
20
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,760
Enjoying them?
21
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,040
I'm enjoying not having
bothered to read them,
22
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,640
despite your continual insistence
that I should.
23
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,400
Right. Can I have them back then?
24
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,440
What, now?
25
00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,360
We're on an operation, ya knob.
26
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,120
He's in one of his moods.
27
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,200
Shite. We need him sharp
for the pub quiz tonight.
28
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,040
We have got to win tonight!
29
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:18,240
Cos then we get to keep
the Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge!
30
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,680
He hasn't been himself
since Mary left.
31
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,400
Yeah. He just called me a knob.
32
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,000
But that's normal, Simon.
33
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,440
It was the way that he did it.
With real contempt.
34
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,200
But that's normal, Simon.
35
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,920
ATO! ATO!
36
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,280
Boss! Boss!
37
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,600
Cat A! Head high tripwire.
Room five.
38
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,880
Another day, another unfucking.
39
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,480
Tatty bye, darlings.
40
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,000
And Simon.
41
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,280
HEAVY BREATHING
42
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,120
Where the fuck is he?
Where the fuck is he?
43
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,920
Wait, don't get too close!
44
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,880
Shit! Shit! Shit! I'm going to die!
45
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,720
OK, everyone, calm the fuck down.
46
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,040
There's a fucking tripwire!
47
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,040
Yes. Breathe.
48
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,440
I'm the ATO, this is what I do.
49
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:22,920
OK, you two, out!
50
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,880
Me and Mr Pissy Pants here
need some privacy.
51
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,640
What's your name, Private?
52
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:43,680
Alderton, sir. Pete. Pete. Pete.
53
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,200
Listen, Pete.
54
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:58,800
You're going to be just fine.
55
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,080
But you will shit yourself every
time you hang up the washing.
56
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,600
HE MOANS
OK, now, Pete,
57
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:10,680
I need you to keep...your head...
still.
58
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,440
Yeah. Don't nod. Don't nod.
59
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:15,840
This wall...
60
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,720
It's full of explosives.
61
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,880
So don't move your fucking head.
62
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,440
I'm going to let go
as I have to gag the peg.
63
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,920
Oh.
64
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,080
No! No, no, no.
65
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,600
Let's just...we'll do it this way.
Yeah?
66
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,280
Oh, Pete, you are making
this really difficult.
67
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,240
Maybe we'll finally get a round
on genital deformities?
68
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,800
OK, OK. What's it called
if you've got three balls?
69
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,360
Freaky fucking shit?
70
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,000
The medical name.
71
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,080
Medics would call that
freaky fucking shit.
72
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,000
This is not helping. We need...
73
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,240
EXPLOSION
74
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,080
It's Private Alderton. Wait!
75
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,280
And Nick! Shit!
76
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,520
Fucking hell! You stupid bastard!
77
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,880
OK, you need to go in.
What's your threat assessment?
78
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,720
The route is clear. I'm going in.
OK. Go, go, go!
79
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,160
Whisky 54 Bravo, this is Bluestone 42
number 2's on his way in.
80
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,560
Come over here. Now drop that.
81
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:45,680
I need you to focus.
82
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,760
OK, hold that.
83
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,000
Boss! Boss!
84
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,920
Oh, you stupid, stupid bastard!
85
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,560
I didn't fuck up.
86
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,600
What? What happened?
87
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,200
I didn't fuck up.
88
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,200
Boss! Get back! Boss! Get back!
We need space. Get back!
89
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,720
Putting in an airway.
90
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,120
Hello, Zero Bravo, this is
Charlie One Alpha. MISTAT Over.
91
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:22,520
Charlie One Alpha, Zap Number
Mike Echo 1828. Mike. IED 1460...
92
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,200
Sierra, Alpha...
93
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:28,920
Nick!
94
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,280
Is he all right?
What do you fucking think?
95
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,520
OK, OK! Did he say anything?
96
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,240
"I didn't fuck up."
97
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,400
That's not how it bloody
looks though, is it?
98
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,800
We're being stood down.
99
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,960
Fuck!
100
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,880
Sir, any news?
101
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,040
Just heard from Bastion,
he's still critical, I'm afraid.
102
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,840
You're offline for 48 hours
to see the Padre.
103
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,960
Simon, Bird, get his kit packed up.
104
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,640
Towerblock, the SAT is inbound.
He'll want a full report.
105
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,840
Mac, Rocket, bone up on your
trivia, ready for the quiz.
106
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,280
It's still on, sir?
With Nick in hospital?
107
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,720
Of course. The questions
are sitting on my desk.
108
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,200
I presume you want to win the
Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge
109
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,200
once and for all, fair and square?
110
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,800
Nick would have liked that.
111
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,200
Aye.
112
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,920
We will win that cup fair and squ...
113
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,640
We will win the cup. Good.
114
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,640
So quiz tonight. Five rounds
of questions which are,
115
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,440
as I say, on my desk.
116
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,640
Carry on.
117
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,320
Thanks, Padre.
118
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,360
So you've been working
together for a while now.
119
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,080
I expect you've grown quite close?
120
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,160
Yes, very.
121
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,280
I liked him.
122
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,480
Not sure he liked me.
123
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,480
And he was quite rude to me.
124
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,080
So not close at all, really. I see.
125
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,040
No, he was a good ATO,
126
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:32,040
but if you lent him, say, a book,
127
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,920
or a trilogy of books,
you wouldn't get them back.
128
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,920
Sorry, no, this is no time
to speak ill of the...
129
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,120
Actually, do we...is he...
Do we know, is he...?
130
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,480
Still critical as far as I know.
131
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,720
Good. I mean not good.
132
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,560
Good. I mean, good as in...
133
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,840
It's good that he's not...you know.
134
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,120
Sweetie? Please!
135
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,560
Corporal House.
136
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,600
SAT. Sir. Sorry.
137
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,800
I was miles away.
138
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,200
Call me Mike.
This is the WISWO, Edgeways.
139
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,600
Edgeways, Corporal House.
140
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,000
Edgeways?
141
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,720
Cos he can't get a word in edgeways.
142
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,920
Is there any word from Bastion?
143
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,720
Well, Sheffield Wednesday
got stuffed 3-0,
144
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,840
but I suppose you're not
asking about that.
145
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,480
Nick's still in theatre.
146
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,640
So we'll need a first look
report today,
147
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,440
and then a full report
in a couple of days.
148
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,720
But I haven't...
149
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,560
I know this is your first one,
so I'll hold your hand through it.
150
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,200
But not like that, I'm not a Marine.
151
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,760
So let's start with
the layout of the room.
152
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,120
Well, he must have fucked up,
mustn't he?
153
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,520
He cuts corners.
154
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,920
He's not been himself
for the last few weeks. He...
155
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,400
Yeah, he probably thought, "Sod it,
I'll just not bother today, ey?"
156
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,720
We don't let the cowboys
become operators.
157
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,400
Except Edgeways, fucking chancer!
158
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,280
Sometimes it's just back luck.
159
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,440
It can't just be random.
160
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,960
I want to be an operator
not play Russian Roulette.
161
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,280
He must've done something...
162
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,480
Well, deal with this incident
like an operator.
163
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,200
And that'll be a big
tick in the box.
164
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,800
Or you can deal with it
like a daft twat.
165
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,360
And that'll be a tick
in the box marked 'daft twat'.
166
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,000
So, do the plan.
And then we'll get the witnesses in.
167
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,800
We need the quiz questions.
168
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:44,080
You want quiz questions?
Afghan version of Trivial Pursuit.
169
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,080
Fun for all the family.
Except the women, of course.
170
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,800
We need the actual questions, Faruq.
171
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,400
Ah!
172
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,840
Didn't the Colonel say that
he'd left the questions on his desk?
173
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,800
I think he's just made a
very silly mistake.
174
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,200
Yeah. Great.
Stick it with the others.
175
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,000
Bird. Go and see the Padre.
176
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,200
Fuck off!
177
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,640
I'm not having some sky pilot
telling me that this
178
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,760
was "all part of God's plan."
You must be feeling that every...
179
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,840
I don't know how I'm feeling!
So how'd you know?
180
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:18,960
Fine.
181
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,800
So who are we going to get?
182
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,360
New ATO, I mean.
183
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,600
Bloody hell, Bird,
you move on quick!
184
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,680
Nick's not even cold
in his...hos-hospital bed.
185
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,280
Wow, and I move on quick?
186
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,960
People get replaced, Simon.
The Army's kind of set up for that.
187
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,160
Well, at times like this I think
Nick would want us to...
188
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,880
Oh, brilliant! My book!
189
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,800
Oh, well, one of them at least.
190
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,760
Fuck's sake.
191
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,600
He's ruined it!
192
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,120
No respect.
193
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,000
Yeah, let's focus on the
real tragedy of today. Your book.
194
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,360
JAUNTY MUSIC
195
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,640
What's it say?
196
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,600
It's a to-do list.
197
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,120
One - wash socks.
198
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,920
Two - place quiz questions in safe.
199
00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,760
Three - place keys in pizza oven.
200
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,160
So we need to wash our socks.
201
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,680
Interesting.
202
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,560
We had a boy like you in my village.
203
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,160
We left him in the mountains.
204
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,920
Nice.
205
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,080
I like mountains.
206
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,560
We won't get Stephens, too young.
207
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,120
Or Best, she's going home.
Thank fuck!
208
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,560
It will be Moncur.
209
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,240
Mmm shame, it would have been nice
to have a woman in the team.
210
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,000
You've already got one!
211
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,160
Yeah, well...
212
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,440
I suppose so.
213
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,600
What do you mean, "I suppose so"?
Do you want me to get my tits out?
214
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,920
Urgh! No!
215
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,680
What do you mean, "Urgh! No!"?
216
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,520
It's... Oh, great, Towerblock!
You alreet, lad?
217
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,360
Any news?
218
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,080
Has Nick shuffled off into...
219
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,320
..into the recovery ward?
220
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,760
Still in theatre.
221
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,200
What about a new ATO?
SAT said anything?
222
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,120
I think his exact words
were that he won't know
223
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,760
until he's waded through
a river of Army shitocracy.
224
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,720
Right. Anyway, we're going
back to the compound
225
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,400
but I said you wouldn't want to come
cos you must be feeling...
226
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,720
Will people stop telling me
how I must be feeling?
227
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,400
Why? Does that make you feel angry?
228
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,640
HE SNIGGERS
229
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,560
Let's go.
230
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,440
So what's it looking like?
Did Nick fuck up?
231
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,600
Did someone else fuck up?
232
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,040
Dunno. The SAT says it
was just bad luck, but...
233
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,640
But what?
234
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,160
It can't be.
235
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,960
If it's just random then this whole
job's just a roll of the dice!
236
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,440
If no-one's fucked up then
we're fucked, aren't we?
237
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,200
What makes you think
we're not fucked?
238
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,680
Does paper beat key?
239
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,040
Paper beats rock, numpty.
240
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:07,040
And this must be a combination lock.
241
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,120
Paper does not beat rock.
242
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,400
I think you have never
been to a stoning.
243
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,560
Well, this is it.
244
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,400
If you need to take a moment, Bird.
245
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,040
I am actually fine, OK?
246
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,080
I just...
247
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,120
Um, I need to take a moment.
248
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,720
Oi, we should get to work.
249
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,440
Yeah.
250
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,680
Yeah, let's find what's
left of this device.
251
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,720
What?
252
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,360
Device. Singular.
253
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,120
At the risk of sounding like Yoda,
open your fucking mind you must.
254
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,920
That's in the Director's Cut, is it?
255
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,120
Sorry.
256
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,280
You're assuming that there
was only one device
257
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,880
that Nick was working on,
that Nick must've triggered.
258
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,720
Because you're
assuming he fucked up!
259
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,720
Because nothing we've found out
so far has suggested that he didn't!
260
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,720
Or that he did!
261
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,280
Could be two devices.
Could be two triggers.
262
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,840
You know this stuff!
263
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,120
Heading for the daft
twat box, you are.
264
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,520
Get out, reboot and
fucking come back in again.
265
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:40,800
You too, eh?
266
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,120
Yeah.
267
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,560
I've got to clear my head.
268
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,480
Just don't know what's up with me.
269
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,600
I do.
270
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,600
You've got a kid.
271
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,960
Eh?
272
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,200
You're thinking you don't want to
be an operator if you can do
273
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,800
everything right and still
get randomly turned into pink mist.
274
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,400
Not fair on your sprog.
275
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,840
Yeah...
276
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,000
Maybe that's it.
277
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,520
So the moral of the story...?
278
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,240
Keep an open mind.
279
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,560
No!
280
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,080
Never have kids!
281
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,920
HE LAUGHS
282
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,520
Better get back in.
283
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,240
How are you feeling?
284
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,120
I'm feeling like I really don't
want to talk about it.
285
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,560
Personal.
286
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,960
Work.
287
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,360
Work.
288
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,240
Very personal. God!
289
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,000
Personal. Oh, God!
290
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,040
You're kidding me!
291
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,280
Oh, for fuck's sake!
292
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,480
Bloody hell!
293
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,600
Everything all right, Corporal?
294
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:21,160
This is...
This is a medal. He's uh... Medal?
295
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,760
Yes. He was writing you up for one.
296
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,480
For the night-time ambush.
When you fixed bayonets.
297
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,760
Medal.
298
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,640
Yes. You'll find out in a month.
299
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,960
So till then,
keep it under your hat.
300
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,240
Or helmet, I believe they're called.
Carry on.
301
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,560
HE CHUCKLES
302
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,480
4-3-6-2.
303
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,720
X marks the spot.
304
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,960
A plan of the base!
305
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,120
My cousin in the Taliban
has this map.
306
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,240
Don't worry,
it's probably not for work.
307
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,360
Oh!
308
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,720
And then they have to find
a combination lock.
309
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,120
Keeping them busy.
310
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,920
What's the first rule?
311
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,760
Keep them busy.
312
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,720
I once spent ten hours sitting
in a boiling ISO in Basra
313
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,040
waiting to hear if my Sergeant
Major would pull through.
314
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,760
Didn't enjoy it.
315
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,840
Good to give them a run-around.
316
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,360
So, when they have the map then
they can find this key.
317
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,160
Oh, shitsticks! Already?
318
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,560
I've got ten seconds before
they realise they've got the map
the wrong way round.
319
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,600
ALL: Ah!
320
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,800
Padre.
321
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,000
Sir.
322
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,600
Sir, it's taped up.
323
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,480
He had rendered it safe.
324
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:56,720
So?
325
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,040
He didn't fuck up.
326
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,400
So what did happen?
327
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,520
Um...
328
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,760
OK, a...
329
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,480
A secondary, or two triggers.
330
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,200
Two...trip wires.
The head high one here.
331
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,760
And then the other...
332
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,800
It must've been here.
333
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,560
So Nick gags the peg, he sorts
the head high wire but Alderton's
334
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,280
so all-over-the-place that he
goes for the wrong door,
335
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,200
hits the second trip wire and...
336
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,600
And today's special is
the shit sandwich.
337
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,120
Ah.
338
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,960
Thanks for coming here, Padre.
339
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,320
Cos this has to be in
total confidence.
340
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:04,400
So, I went to see where it happened,
and do you know what I felt?
341
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,840
I felt glad. Like Nick deserved it.
342
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,000
Only for a moment
but I thought,
343
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,600
"Yeah, yeah,
this feels like God's plan."
344
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,280
I'm not sure that's... Not finished.
345
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,400
Ever since me and Nick shagged...
346
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,800
You as well?
I mean, sorry, do go on.
347
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:20,960
Thank you.
348
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,800
He's cast this lanky,
condescending shadow over me,
349
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,120
my place in the team, my career...
350
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,640
So, you feel glad?
351
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,400
Not now, sicko! For a moment!
Obviously I'm not glad he's hurt.
352
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,360
I just think not seeing him
for a bit's going to be good for me.
353
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,400
Let's just hope he pulls through.
354
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,240
He'll be fine. Always is.
355
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,720
As soon as he comes round
356
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,160
he'll be trying to fuck a nurse
with his 'Best Mate Steve' story.
357
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,760
Cheers, Padre.
358
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,200
What? Where are the questions?
359
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,640
Ooh, hello, chaps,
didn't expect to see you here!
360
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,920
BOTH: Sir!
Erm, no, we were we just...
361
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,000
I presume you're here to help
me ball my socks?
362
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,880
Aye. No.
363
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,160
I mean...aye!
364
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,720
Right!
What's next on the old to-do list?
365
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,560
Hide quiz questions in safe.
Ooh, that slipped my mind.
366
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,040
Here they are on the desk,
under the to-do list.
367
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,480
Stupid! Ah, right!
368
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,480
What the hell are you doing? You
were leading us to the questions!
369
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,600
No, I was keeping you busy!
If you're going to win
370
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,240
the Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge,
you win it fair and square.
371
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,800
Now finish balling my socks!
372
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,240
So it wasn't an error of drill
or an error in drill.
373
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,720
It was just some guy - panicking.
374
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,080
Bad luck?
375
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,720
Kind of. But bad luck
that you can understand.
376
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,000
And not random.
377
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,320
Anything else?
378
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,960
Just some paperwork for the WISWO.
WISWO.
379
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,720
Couple of IED reports,
requisition forms and oh,
380
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,120
an honours nomination form.
Now, that's gone in the wrong pile.
381
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,840
What? Someone's getting a medal?
382
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,080
Oh, must be.
383
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,200
Nick was writing YOU up for a medal?
384
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,680
What?! Oh? Was he?
385
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,160
Oh, yeah!
386
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,120
Probably best not to
mention that to anyone.
387
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,320
You just mentioned it. Medal!
388
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,000
Yeah. Medal.
389
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,400
I haven't got one yet so...
I think we're done here.
390
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,080
OK, lads. I spoke to Bastion.
Nick's lost his leg at the knee.
391
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,400
Fuck!
But he's going to make it, right?
392
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,160
Still a bit touch and go.
393
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,880
He's back in theatre.
More internal bleeding.
394
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,520
We should know more in an hour.
395
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,880
Let's go get a brew -
wait this out together, hey?
396
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,840
I stabbed someone in the
eye that night.
397
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,720
Why didn't I get a fucking medal?
398
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,520
I can't believe we are seriously
doing the fucking pub quiz.
399
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:00,840
What else are we going to do?
400
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,680
Sit in the Det
and wait for him to die?
401
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,520
He might not die.
Fucking hell, Simon!
402
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,880
C'mon, Medal, leave it out!
403
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,760
I can say that
because he respected me.
404
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,320
So, quiz time!
405
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,460
Quizwo!
Sir, do you think we really should...
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