All language subtitles for Bad Monkey S01E04 - Nothing s Wrong With It I Just Don t Need It Anymore (

[Caitlin] Just say it, Eve.

Tell me you killed my father.

All I need is for you to admit it.

I'm never gonna tell you that
I killed your father because I didn't.

[gasps]

Dad?

[breathes shakily]

[crying]

I told you! Oh, my God,
you should've seen your face.

[imitating Caitlin] Dad?

[Caitlin] I love you. [crying]

[Nick] I'm here.

[Keith] Family reunions
can be complicated.

That's why in our little story,
before we move forward,

we need to go back a little bit
to see how we got here.

Sam?

[actor] Molly.

I can hear you.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

I love you, Molly.

I've always loved you.

Ditto.

[crying]

Okay, cut. Cut.

Eve, this is Ghost.

You're finally getting to see your dead
husband before he leaves for heaven.

Where are the tears?

It's so weird 'cause when I rehearsed--

I mean, it was just--
I was total waterworks. [chuckles]

Well, you have to
be able to do it on the day.

Yeah, no, I've worked professionally.

You think because you booked
a rental car commercial, you're hot shit?

[exhales sharply]

You're not.

And great work, by the way, Aidan.

[Keith] Eve had what you'd call
a go-to response when she felt attacked.

Would you think Aidan's work was so great

if he wasn't sucking your
cock before every class?

[audience clamors]

'Cause I can literally
smell your balls off his breath.

Get out!

Fuck you.

[exhales sharply, sniffs]

[Keith] You gotta understand,
the only thing that got her through

her whole shitty childhood
was what she felt deep down in her gut.

[whispers] I'm gonna be a fucking star.

[Nick chuckles] That's you.
That's you in a magazine.

- Oh, my God, I'm so proud of you.
- [chuckles] Oh, my God.

[Keith] As a single dad,
Nick was doing the best he could.

I love you too, Dad.

[Nick chuckles] Look at that.

What I would do is maybe
button that there 'cause that's--

It's just boobs.

Yeah.

[Keith] Unfortunately, this was Miami,
and Caitlin was only 17.

So everywhere Nick turned,
there were new mistakes to be made.

[Keith] He wasn't thrilled about taking
her to the magazine's launch party

and hoped she wouldn't get seduced
by all the cologne and bright lights.

- How cool is this?
- [Nick] Pretty cool.

[groans]

- [bartender] Here you go.
- [Nick] I got you a drink.

Thanks.

Ew, Sprite?

I'm not a kid.

- God, Dad.
- [Nick groans]

You know, I think I'm gonna go hang
with the other models

and brand reps over there.

- Is that okay?
- Oh, cool. Schmooze time.

Hold onto my mustache.

Wait, um, do you think I can go by myself?

It's not you, Daddy.
I just-- I w-- I-- I wanna--

- Yeah. Y-Yeah. Yeah, go get 'em.
- Okay, I love you.

Love you.

["The Motto" plays]

[Keith] Maybe it was because
he felt his little girl slipping away,

but our good-natured, two-bit con man
seemed even more vulnerable than usual.

Whoo! Thank you.

[Keith] You can call me a romantic,
but I believe in love at first sight.

I just wouldn't say
that it's always a good thing.

Stop staring at my fucking tits, dude.

I've had a really shitty day.

Okay, I'm sorry for staring,

but are you from the Avis commercial
where you're driving the convertible?

[chuckles] Yes!

- You're so good in that.
- Thanks.

I-- I haven't ever been recognized.

- Really?
- Yeah,

I've been waiting to be recognized.

I mean, you're, like, a star.

What are you doing working here?

I know, right? I feel the same exact way.

What was your favorite part?

Uh, you-- When you turn around
at the camera and you're like...

[stammers] It was like this.

Oh, so sexy.

- Sorry.
- [exclaims]

[both laugh]

D-Did I blow it?

Not yet, but you have time. [chuckles]

He just made me feel like such a loser.

I swear, I think he
got off on, like, humiliating me.

Look, if that asshole had any talent,
he'd be acting himself.

He wouldn't be teaching
classes in a strip mall.

I just-- I was always one of those people

who thought that their life
would be really beautiful and special.

But maybe it's time I looked in
the fucking mirror and realized, like,

I'm a shot girl and my life might just
be, like, a big fucking "fug-o," you know?

Hey, you're gonna have
a beautiful, special life.

I guarantee it.

[Keith] Eve had been waiting
for someone to promise her that

for as long as she could remember.

I love this song!

You can look at my tits now.

- Okay.
- [chuckles]

You want me to dance with you?

No.

I want you to watch.

[Keith] I don't suppose any daughter
loves watching her dad

get a lap dance from a shot girl.

Luckily for Caitlin, she had plenty
of her own bad decisions to make.

Hey, everyone. I'm the best man.

- Hi, honey. That's my wife.
- [laughs]

[Keith] It had been less than a year,

but it made sense that Eve chose
her dog as a bridesmaid over Caitlin.

- This is bullshit.
- [guest shushes]

Nicky, when I met you,
I'd really lost my way.

You're the best guy I know,

and that's why I chose you.
To give me the life I always wanted.

And I just know one day
you're gonna be the most amazing father.

One day?

[Eve] I love you, Nicky.

- [chuckles] I love you.
- [chuckles]

- I love you. I love you. I love you.
- [chuckles]

Eve, I promise to love you
every moment of forever.

- [squeals]
- That's from Twilight.

- [laughs]
- [chuckles]

Baby. That's my favorite movie.

- Tilly. Tilly.
- Check it out. It's awful.

- [guests laugh]
- [chuckles]

Um, I never, um-- [breathes shakily]

Oh.

I never knew
what love was until I met you.

- I will always take care of you.
- [sighs]

I promise.

[Tilly whimpers, barks]

I now pronounce you married.

- You may kiss your bride.
- [laughs] Yeah!

Whoo! [chuckles]

[moans]

Ew.

Mazel tov!

[Nick, Eve laugh]

- Baby!
- [chuckles]

[exclaims] Whoo!

[Keith] As far as Yancy's past goes,

back then he was still
a detective in Miami.

[siren wails]

[Keith] The only thing he didn't love
about it was wearing a suit.

Miami PD! Freeze!

[Keith] He especially hated
chases in suits.

- Dipshit.
- Go, go, go.

[pedestrian 1] Hey, what the hell?

["Pump It" plays]

- [robber] Move! Move!
- [screams]

[robber panting, grunting]

[pedestrian 2] Damn, man.

- [grunts]
- [grunts] Oh, fuck man.

- [Yancy grunting]
- [robber grunts, groans]

[Yancy] All right. Come on. Get up.

- [straining] Get up. Give me your hands.
- [grunts]

- [breathes heavily, grunts]
- Stop moving. Slow down. Let's go.

[grunts] I didn't do anything.

Yeah, that explains
all the sprinting away.

We have video of you robbing a nail salon.

And you know what the biggest
problem is, living a life of crime?

If you're always running from the law,
you never have time to stop

and appreciate all
the art that's all around you.

I mean, look at this wall here.
I mean it. Look.

It's all right.

All right? Fucking beautiful.

You know what, you need some time
to sit and think about your choices.

Sport mode. Oh, squared away. Yeah!

[Keith] Over the next few months,

Nick and Izzy entered the heyday
of their Super Rollie scam.

[laughing] Oh, how'd that feel, baby?

- What's the score?
- [Nick] Four-three, you, my ball.

[tires screech]

- Hey, babe.
- So this is work?

Oh, no. W-we've-- we've-- we've
been selling like crazy this morning.

We're just-- We've-- We've been so busy.

- We're just taking a little break.
- You can cut the crap.

This is a medical supplies company, right?

I've never actually ever
seen a shipment come in or out.

Well, that's 'c-- that's--

- [both] Well, we outsource, the--
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we take the orders
and then the sources out.

- That's out-- Yeah, so--
- Oh.

- Thank you for explaining it to me.
- [O'Peele] Outs--

This whole fucking thing's a scam.

Doctor dipshit over here
is writing fake prescriptions

for patients that don't exist.

You fuckers wanna be low-life criminals?

That's great. Live your life.

I'm not getting burned.
I'm calling the cops.

[stammers] Eve, honey.
Let's talk about this.

Oh, you wanna talk?

You wanna fucking talk, Nicky?

I go to jail,
who takes care of Tilly, huh?

Eve, please. I have a son.

Should've thought about that before.

Eve. Eve, please.

Hello? [inhales deeply]

Did you pee yourself?

'Cause he used to piss himself
when he got scared in high school.

[laughs]

- We're fucking with you, man.
- Oh, my God.

- Baby, we got him so good.
- [sighs]

- [laughs] Jesus Christ.
- God, you should've seen your face.

- Let's get drunk!
- [laughs]

So, of course I told Eve.

If Marisol found out we were breaking
the law, she would lose her fucking shit.

Yeah, well, she's lame.

- That's my wife.
- In a cool way.

So listen, I get patient names from
clerks at Broward and Dade hospitals.

Cut them in, everybody wins.

Really smart, baby.

But sometimes I'll run into,
like, a holier-than-thou type guy

who I think might be more easily persuaded
by a smoke-show such as yourself.

So I'm wondering, would you maybe
be interested in helping us out?

[inhales sharply] Put me in, coach.

Do you think it will bum people out
if we made love on the table? [chuckles]

- [laughs]
- [O'Peele] Not me.

I promise to look away...
[chuckles] ...for the first part.

- Just kidding. Here she comes.
- [laughs] You're so gross.

Shut the fuck up. Hey, baby, look at you.

- You look so gorgeous.
- Thank you. Oh. Thank you.

[Keith] Around that same time,

Yancy was making another enemy for life.

- [speaks Spanish]
- [employee speaks Spanish]

Uh, one for me too.

In fact, maybe one for everyone
in line on, uh, this guy here.

[sighs] I'm sorry. Who the fuck are you?

Officer Mendez, right?

You run the, uh, Crime Busters tip line?

I'm Detective Yancy. Nice to meet you.

Okay.

What's your problem, Detective?

Oh, I don't have a problem per se,

but I do have a story you might like,
also per se.

See, last week I arrested some
asshole who was robbing a nail salon.

And then I read in the Herald
that a bus driver got $4,500

from Crime Busters for providing
information that led to the guy's arrest.

But here's the hitch.

You know, I didn't get any tips.

- Fine. I will buy your coffee.
- Too late.

I already talked to the bus driver.
He's married to your cousin.

Seems like you're
recruiting friends to report tips

for crimes that have already been solved.

Now, how are you liking my story so far?

It really depends on
when you get to the part

where you realize it's
none of your fucking business.

Oh, that's way in the end,

and there's a whole middle section
where I'm a huge pain in your ass

and then you and I
fall in love with the same girl.

We both grow personally.

It's crazy.

Don't fuck with me.

[Keith] Unsurprisingly,
that was the exact moment

that Yancy started
thinking of ways to fuck with him.

So, Detective Yancy, you called
Crime Busters specifically to extort

Sergeant Mendez for the sum of $50,000?

No, I didn't.

Hey, Crime Busters. It's me again.

The guy that runs your tip line
is a total sketchy shitbag.

So you didn't say,
"He should give me $50,000"?

And for this crucial information,
I think he should give me--

Well, I think it should be around $50,000

'cause it's super brave of me
to come forward.

Yes, I did, but you're
not getting the tone right.

I have a very specific vibe
that's sort of playful and sort of coy.

I'm-- I'm kinda doing that
tone now if that's helpful to you.

Are you serious?

Have you done any research
into this guy's backstory?

I mean, he's as dirty
as a sock on the highway.

That's not a real expression.

None of them are real
expressions until someone says them, okay?

So, I'm a groundbreaker.

You understand the analogy.
This guy is filthy.

Gentlemen, for the record...

Oh, God.

...I have no idea what Detective Yancy
could possibly be refer--

Please don't.

So this is what's gonna happen.

Oh, y-- you're the main guy.

You know, this whole time,
I thought it was him.

Not to take away from you,

'cause it takes a non-main guy
to make a main guy great,

and, um, every main guy knows
behind every main guy

is a guy that's not the main guy.

So together, you guys are a main team.

Mendez, you covered your tracks,
but I'm not an idiot.

You're off the tip line.

Unfortunately,
digging into this any deeper

would be an embarrassment
to the department.

I did see that you're
up to make detective.

- Yes, sir. Next month.
- Yeah, it's not gonna happen,

and I wouldn't bother
trying again next year either.

- Way to go, main guy.
- [exhales deeply]

You brought a swift hammer
and a-- and a-- and a strong decision.

Could've gone further, but you did it.

I think my work is done here.

I brought sunlight to a very dark
situation, and I'm gonna head out.

So thank you both for your time.

Both of you. Thank you.

Yeah, one more thing.

So why the fuck did they transfer you?

Well, they said I was consistently
reckless, inappropriate and glib.

- [chuckles] Well--
- I mean, glib, maybe,

but the rest of it's bullshit.

[Mendez] Fucking prick.

You just couldn't
leave it alone, could you?

You wanna keep your teeth,

- I wouldn't say another word.
- Whatever.

Enjoy the Keys, asshole.
I hear that's where all the action is.

Murph, tell the detective
somebody stole my flip-flops.

- That's it. [grunts] Prick. [groans]
- [Mendez laughs]

- There it is. There it is. Oh, yeah.
- Fuck you.

It's a keeper. I'm gonna frame it.

Watch your ass, Mendez.

They're gonna hire me back in a week.

[Keith] They did not hire him back.

Fucking Mendez.

He's one of those cops
that make all of us look bad.

It's like that chimp
that ate that woman's face,

and so now no one can
have a chimp as a pet.

Nobody should be allowed
to have chimps as pets.

You're no fun today, Dad.

Look, you're not the cop of the world.

Forget Mendez.

If you keep thinking it's on you to fix
every injustice, you'll never be at peace.

I was the same when I was young, then I
started listening to the world around me.

Wind, trees, nature herself.

Here we go. The magic manatee speech.

Just listen.

One day, I was swimming
over at Blue Springs,

and this manatee looked at me--

No, she looked into me.

And that's when I heard her say,

"Follow me, Jim.
I'll teach you how to let it go."

Yeah, something's been
bugging me for a long time,

- so I just have to ask you about it here.
- Uh-huh.

Have you ever had sexual
relations with a manatee?

[chuckles]

You know what, don't even answer that.
I don't think I wanna know that.

You know... [stammers] ...no one likes to
see their parents in those situations.

No, you know what I mean?
It's uncomfortable, Dad.

- [chuckles, laughs] Yuk it up, Andrew.
- [laughs]

[chuckles] Nature's magic.

Animals have messages for you.
You just have to be open to hearing them.

Oh, God. We gotta get inside.

A storm's coming.

Just don't tell me that those
birds told you that, all right?

Well, not all of them.

Just that one guy.

[chuckles]

[Keith] Over the next year,

Yancy got used to the fast-paced life
of being a detective in Key West.

[Ro] You actually
bought that little house?

Well, I can't keep renting forever.
Besides, this is home now.

How'd it go with Monte?

You were gonna meet his kids
this weekend, right?

- Yeah.
- And?

I met 'em.

Ro, when you decided
to divorce Tanya and come out,

I was happy for you. 'Cause I thought,
"Finally my guy's gonna be joyful,"

you know, "Maybe even
emotionally open and vulnerable."

What's your point?

I mean, have you ever seen someone be
this sad while they're eating ice cream?

I'm just being.

Miserable.

Being miserable.

If anyone hears you talk about me,

they think I'm--
I'm, like, some serial killer.

I don't talk bad about you.
You're my friend. I say it to your face.

I poke you from the front
'cause I love you.

- Thank you.
- I don't tell them that

I need back surgery 'cause
I'm carrying the whole relationship.

I say it to you.

I might get another scoop.

You should take Monte's
kids out for ice cream.

Maybe even try smiling while you do it.

You're so complicated.

- Another one.
- [vendor] Sure thing.

"The last taste of
sweets is sweetest last."

[chuckles] What now?

Shakespeare.

Richard II.

Oh, my favorite of all the Richards.

- Interesting choice.
- [Yancy] That's it?

Well, it was nice almost meeting you.

I bet our paths will cross again sometime.

We can meet then.

[Keith] This was the first time
Yancy had ever seen a bad decision

in an orange dress.

Who was that?

- Trouble.
- Did you get her number?

I did not get trouble's number.

What'd you go for the second scoop?

Same.

I mean, really? Could you try
answering it just being excited about it?

What'd you get for a second scoop?

Same.

[Keith] With all the money rolling in,

Nick, Eve and Izzy celebrated
with their first couple's trip to Andros.

- You ready? Three, two, one. Whoo-hoo!
- One. Whoo!

[laughs]

"Looking good, Billy Ray!"

"Feeling good, Louis!"

Why do you guys say that? I don't get it.

Oh, it's Trading Places.

You know, with Eddie Murphy.

Norbit?

And other movies
that were just as awesome.

- Come here.
- Mmm.

This is so beautiful.

Baby, it really is everything
I ever dreamed my life could be.

I mean, things are
going pretty well at work.

I mean, maybe-- maybe we
could get a little bungalow here.

A bungalow?

Nicky, you gotta dream bigger.

You see right there?

That will be the lobby
of our exclusive island resort.

- [chuckling] A resort?
- Mm-hmm.

[Keith] As Eve seduced Nick

with visions of casitas
with beach decks and plunge pools...

Fuck, I-I love a plunge pool.

...he still couldn't believe his luck

that this amazing woman had chosen him.

[speaks indistinctly]

[Keith] Though Neville had never seen
this mismatched couple before,

he still had a strong sense of foreboding.

It's a pretty good dream. [sighs]

[Keith] Nick should've felt it too.

Baby, no.

[Keith] You see, he always
gave Eve whatever she wanted.

What do you think?

Uh, all right, maybe I can
try to increase the cash flow,

and then m-maybe-- Yeah,
we could... [stammers] ...buy some property.

Really?

You don't think it'll be too risky?

What's the worst that could happen?

[shrieks, laughs]

[agent] The Department of Justice
checks out any abnormal activities.

The sheer volume of orders for
Super Rollies alone is a red flag for us.

Hey, I get it. Yeah,
with the volume we're doing--

[clears throat] I mean, at this point,
we even have to outsource.

Outsourcing is where it's at.

'Cause you don't wanna run
your business out of a barn.

I know. [chuckles, stammers]
Where are you gonna put all the scooters?

You guys are smart. We
don't need to explain it to you, I guess.

You-You source it
and then it moves out the door.

Nevertheless, we're gonna need to see your
prescriptions against the order invoices.

S-So, the only problem there is, uh,
that we keep our records off-site.

We outsource that too.

[Nick] Hey, guys. Come on.

The only thing I'm guilty of
is poor organizational skills, okay?

I promise to get you the records
as soon as I have access.

[Keith] Nick was a big,
hairy man. He had one tell.

You got till tomorrow.

Awesome.

[Keith] Izzy, on the other hand,

wondered if they could
actually hear his heart pounding.

- [lock clicks]
- This is bad, isn't it?

It's not great, Izzy.

What are we gonna do?

Get rid of every trace of
this place and get out of Dodge.

What am I supposed to tell Marisol?

What if she tries to take Sam?

Why you messing with that shit?

Because it's the only fucking thing
that calms me down!

[stammers] Y-You, you seem calm.

I am not made for this.

This is not my-my thing.
I can't-- I can't--

Just take a breath and,
uh, don't pee your pants.

I'm sorry. I love you.

I love you too.

It's gonna be fine.

[breathing shakily]

[Keith] Nick hoped Eve
would take it just as well.

Honey, but we've got money saved.

I mean, we can go on
the run, live hand to mouth.

I-It might even be fun.

Fun?

What the fuck are you talking about?

What about our plans?

What about the Bahamas and all
the fucking shit you promised me?

You fucked it up.

[breathes heavily] Jesus, Nicky.
I come from nothing and you know that.

[Nick sighs]

And I'm not going back.
I'm not going back. I'm not going back.

- I can't live like that. I can't.
- [mouthing] Baby.

- I can't.
- Well, I can't go to jail for 20 years.

You promised me you'd take care of me.

I need someone who takes care of me.

[Keith] Nick realized,
if he wasn't careful,

he could lose Eve forever.

But I have a lot to think about.

[Keith] She wasn't the only
borderline sociopathic woman in the world.

I mean, there's certainly a higher
concentration of 'em in Florida.

Some more damaged than others.

Why won't you tell me what happened?

[chuckles] Would you stop?

I know it wasn't a pickup basketball game.

Cliff do that?

[sighs]

Her husband's a pill-pushing asshole.
You really surprised he smacked her?

There's nothing we can do
if she won't go on the record.

I don't wanna talk about it, so we shan't.

Shan't it is.

Mmm.

[Ro] And yeah,
I know what you're thinking.

Your impulse is to do something stupid.

[Eve whispers] You promised me
you'd take care of me.

[Ro] But believe me,
it's only gonna feel good in the moment.

[exhales heavily]

And when that feeling wears off,
you're fucked.

[Ro] Those decisions
follow you around forever.

Stop! Stop!

[Ro] And you got to live
with the consequences.

So be smart.
Don't do anything you'll regret.

You'd be dead?

"Dead."

No more Feds after me, change my name,

we go to the Bahamas,
we're living free and breezy.

How?

We sink the Summer's Eve.

Aw.

I know, but you'll report me missing.

They'll learn that the boat
went down and then "done-zo."

You get the life insurance money
and start building our resort on Andros.

Babe, come on.
People are so much smarter than that.

One of my crime podcasts was
talking about something like this.

You actually can't declare,
like, a person dead

without physical remains or whatever, so.

I'm way ahead of you.

I'm gonna cut off these two fingers.

So, say bye-bye.

Nicky.

Only two finger-- I mean, that's so lame.

People have done that to get, like,

a free fucking sub sandwich
down at the deli.

Come on, babe, no one's buying it.

[Keith] They say love
can make you do the strangest things.

But whoever the hell they are,
they didn't have this in mind.

Um.

Uh, well then, I'll go fucking bigger.

I mean--

I mean, everybody will buy that.

And baby, I would give up
anything to be with you.

Say something.

That is the most romantic thing
that anyone's ever done for me.

Hey, uh-- [sighs] Yeah,
I know we haven't talked in a while, um,

but I'm going on a fishing trip,

and I, uh, just wanted to say goodbye.

So, uh,

bye, sweetie.

Oh, so we talk to each other
about our vacations now?

Okay, uh, Simon
and I went to Epcot last month.

He got hammered
and punched Goofy in the face.

[Nick] Simon. Who--

Who's Simon?

Simon's my fiancé.

- God.
- [Nick] Yeah. Yeah.

You told me that. [chuckles] Sorry.

Well, uh... [sighs]
...how'd you meet this guy?

I met him at church.

- Simon helped me get clean, Dad.
- [mouthing words] I love you so much.

[Nick] All right. Well, then, um,

tell Simon, uh, I owe him a-- uh...
[stammers] ...s-- handshake.

You know, Caitlin, you know,
I know that we've drifted apart,

but you're still my little girl...
[sighs] ...and I love you.

Whatever.

[Keith] Nick knew
he had let his daughter down,

and he vowed right then

that, if he got through this,
he would find a way to make it up to her.

[Eve] It looks amazing in here.

It looks so professional.

I did the best I could.

So, are we really doing this, guys?

It's showtime, buddy.

I'm gonna be
a fucking legend, right, baby?

You're gonna be such
a fucking legend, Nicky.

[Nick] Mm-hmm.

Now, talk to the hand
and say bye-bye to it.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

Um, I'm actually gonna need you to come
and hold this hand down.

- What?
- Yeah, I can't do this alone.

You have to come hold the hand down,

otherwise this thing's
gonna go flying out the window.

- I didn't think I was gonna be assisting.
- Well, I didn't think any this

- was gonna be happening, but here we are.
- I would've worn something different.

Just look the other way. You're not gonna
exactly love the picture you see.

Is it too late? Do you think
we could maybe, like, put him under?

That is way too dangerous without
an anesthesiologist. Are you crazy?

- Is he gonna feel it?
- I don't want my best friend to die.

- I don't-- [stammers] Hey, relax.
- We're already taking an arm--

Relax?

Jesus.

Is he gonna, like, you know, feel it?

Um, I-I would say yes,
he will f-feel a slight tingling.

- Okay. Just a tingle, baby.
- [Nick] Okay.

- [O'Peele] You ready, buddy?
- [groaning] Uh-huh.

[apparatus whirs]

- [Nick screams]
- [Eve] Oh, God.

[Keith] Izzy had been
a good doctor once,

so Nick pulled through.

[exhales heavily]

[Keith] Eve, on the other hand,
bounced back quicker than both of 'em.

Ugh, it's so muggy out here.
It's like Florida gross. [inhales sharply]

[sighing] Yeah,
it looks like the pain is back.

Oh, okay. Um, he can take two of these.

[Eve] Thanks.

Well, I might as well, since it's open.

Do you wanna...

Mmm, thank you.

- [Eve sighs]
- [sighs] I was just sitting out here

thinking about my father's face
the day I got into med school.

He was so proud of me.

[Keith] Sometimes a man can
sink so low, he'll just go and drown

if someone doesn't pull him up.

Hey. Only a really great friend
would've done that for Nicky.

[Keith] That didn't do it. [sighs]

[gasps] Oh, my God.

- What?
- Oh. [sighs]

Almost forgot his watch.

Ew. Ew. Gross. Gross. Fuck. Ew.

[groans, sighs]

I actually do need to
use your bathroom real quick,

because that does not
look like a boating accident...

["You're Gonna Get It" plays]

...yet.

[groans]

[grunts]

[gags]

[O'Peele] Merry Christmas.

This is for you.

[chuckles]

You party?

Go on.

- So you're a fisherman, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

I'd like to try that.

- [burps] Really?
- No. I hate boats.

I get seasick.

Can't even go on a canoe.

[both chuckle]

You remind me of my son.

He used to think I was funny too.

Here you go.

Shots.

Cheers.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[inhales sharply]

[sobbing]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

I didn't nail the crying.

I tried everything, and I even thought
about Tilly getting hit by a car,

and nothing.

Fuck.

[Keith] Even in Andros,
having one arm sucked.

Breathe, okay?

You're gonna get the hang of it.

See. Mmm.

I gotta pee, I'll be right back.

Hey, mister, how you lose your arm?

[Nick] Oh, thanks for asking.

I was climbing a coconut tree,
and I slipped and fell

and landed in a big pile
of mind your own fucking business.

[clicks tongue] All right,
I don't love that.

I'd show a little respect if I was you.

Her magic's still strong.

Oh, yeah?

See if she can saw herself in half.

Hey, Egg, take care of these nutjobs.

I gotta get some ketchup.

[grunts]

[Keith] Most of Egg's
relationships ended with standoffs.

This time it started with one.

Your boss is a one-armed asshole.

[clicks tongue] Maybe.

He bring any shit to my Ya-Ya,
I'm gonna fuck up his world.

Yeah, I don't see that happening.

Oh.

[chuckles] You don't?

[chuckles]

Good to know.

You ain't from around here, eh?

'Cause if you were, you'd know better.

[chuckles]

That's enough circling for today, Ya-Ya.

[stammers] Don't. No, don't you dare.

[smacks lips]
What are you circling me for?

This stupid thing.

What?

That's a text from that Phinney kid.

[clears throat] He wants more money.

Tell him you're not an ATM.

It's just 500 bucks.

[sighs] He, uh,
wants to buy his lady an engagement ring.

[chuckles] She's a very lucky girl.

Yeah, I'll just wire it to him.
Be done with it.

Okay.

Do you really think
that's gonna make him stop?

Hmm? [sighs]

Did you ever read that book
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?

Yeah, of course I read it.

I have a kid.

Why did you read it?

I just-- I don't want us to spend
the rest of our lives

waiting for this
"sketchball" to blackmail us again.

What would even be
the point of you losing your arm?

Well, what would you have me do, Eve?

[Keith] That's
the problem with obsession.

You have to fight to hold on to your soul.

Eve, that's not me, all right.

And I need you to understand that.

I know.

It's not me either.

[Keith] Like I said before,
anything Eve wanted.

[engine revs]

[gunshots]

[moaning]

[gunshots]

[screams]

Dude, are you gonna
give me an ETA or what?

- I'm sorry. I'm distracted.
- [sighs]

[sighs]

He was just a kid.

I get it.

I do.

I love you so much, Nicky.

All the bad stuff is over.

I promise.

- [Keith] The guilt weighed heavy...
- [phone chimes]

...on Izzy too.

[Keith] He hoped talking to Yancy
would help him sleep again.

[knocking]

Nick.

[chuckling] What a surprise.

What are you-- What are you-- Is it
safe for you to be in Miami right now?

No, not really.

I wouldn't think so. It's crazy.

- So you mind if I come in?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry. Come on in. The place is
a mess. My maid killed herself.

So, uh, how's it going?

How is-- [stammers] How's, uh,
the whole o-one-arm thing?

I gotta be honest.

- I don't miss it.
- Really?

[laughs] What do you fucking think?

- Uh, I wasn't expecting you, you know.
- Huh.

[chuckles] It's so cool that you're here.

So Iz... [sighs]

...have you given any more
thought to Andros?

I know Eve spoke to you.

Yeah, yeah, she did, man.

[stammers] And, um,
I-I think I'm gonna stay local.

I do. Because I don't-- I don't--
I don't really get to see Sam that much.

[stammers] It's like you and Caitlin.
I'm sure you get it.

So I wanna--
I wanna see him as much as I can.

Yeah, I get it. [sighs]

- So, Iz...
- Uh-huh.

- [sighs]
- ...did you talk to this Yancy guy?

The food cop.

[stammers] I did talk to him,
but I didn't say anything.

Attaboy.

But then I texted him and told him to
come over and I would tell him everything.

Fuck off.

- Jesus Christ, are you serious? When?
- Yeah, yeah.

He's on his way over here right now.

And... [stammers]
...I can't handle the guilt, man.

I didn't know people
were gonna fucking die.

That was to protect us, all of us!

Well, I didn't ask for that, did I?

Look, look, look, look, look.

[stammers] My-My-My conscience
is not your problem.

[stammers] I'll tell him--
You know what I'll tell him?

I'll tell him it's about
the insurance scam thing, you know?

That you-- That's maybe why you died.
I won't-- I won't tell him anything.

You know I love you,
and you know I have your back.

Yeah, I do.

[sighs]

I'm gonna use the john.

[O'Peele] Okay.

[Keith] Izzy hoped
his friend hadn't turned all bad.

And Nick, well,
he was hoping the same damn thing.

[O'Peele] I mean,
thank you for inviting me to Andros.

It's-It's a very generous offer.

Sure.

[Keith] The problem
with going down a bad path,

whether it's drinking
or drugging or any other vice,

it's a lot harder to stop
than it is to keep going.

[sighs]

You okay back there?

[Nick] Never better.

"Looking good, Billy Ray."

"Feeling good, Louis."

Did you see anybody else just now?

Only you.

Great. [sighs]

[Eve] Oh, I wish you could speak, Tilly.
We'd talk all day.

Oh, you know Mommy. You know Mommy.

You're always so hard on yourself.
Why do you do that?

Hi. Hey, how'd it go?

He's dead.

Oh, sweetie.

We gotta get in the car, Nicky.

Nicky, we gotta get-- [sighs, mumbles]

Come on, Tilly. Come on, baby. Come on.

[kisses] Go pee-pee.

Go tinkle. Go tinkle.

Oh, honey.

I'm so sorry,

but we knew that this might happen.

Izzy can be so stubborn.

D-Do you remember that time we were all
driving to Orlando and he wanted Wendy's?

I was for real starving
and we had passed, like, McDonald's,

Chick-fil-A, like,
but no, we had to have Wendy's.

He's lucky that we
didn't have a gun back then. [chuckles]

What's wrong with you?

[stammers, sighs] You know I always joke
at the wrong times. I mean-- [sighs]

I-I-I'm-- [sighs] I'm just saying, I don't
want you to beat yourself up over it.

Beat myself up?

He was my best friend.

[sighs]

- What the fuck did I do?
- Baby, we gotta go.

It's like we always say,
we really have to put ourselves first.

We didn't say that.
[inhales sharply] You said that.

All your "we" talk.

So far, it's only been me.

It was me who lost my arm.

It was me who shot that kid.

And it was me who just
killed my best friend.

[keys jangle]

Well, that must have sounded bad.

[chuckles] Hi.

Oh, my gosh, don't freak out.

[chuckles] I'm so sorry.

We were over there rehearsing

'cause we are doing a little play
at the Coconut Grove theater.

It's a cute little theater.
It's right down the street.

Wait, you look so familiar.

Oh, my God,
you're Heather from the Weather!

I love you!

Babe, it's Heather from the Weather.

It's very fun for us to meet
fellow entertainers.

Can I get a pic?

- Actually I have to go.
- Oh, come on, please, please.

It'll absolutely make my day.

It'll only take a sec.

Just I'm a really big fan and--
Sorry, my purse. Us girls, right?

We're always carrying
too much shit in our bags.

[Heather grunts]

[chokes]

This woman.

Thank you. Jesus.

There.

How's that for "we"?
Now put her body in the trunk.

Get in the fucking car.

Tilly.

[laughs]

Oh, my God. Bad, you silly, silly girl.

No. That's icky.

You're so helping me give her
a bath when we get home, mister.

[Keith] For the first time
in as long as anyone could remember,

Heather did not do the weather that night.

There, you're all caught up.

One big, happy family.

[Eve] How long are you gonna hug?

I'm standing right here. Fuck.

[sirens wail]

[Keith] Over in the Keys, Yancy and Rosa

were still cleaning up
the mess they'd made.

[Rosa] Are you gonna be okay to get home?

No, I'm totally freaked out.

Just because I said you
were gonna get murdered?

Okay, now I hear it.

Hey, Pestov, do you mind walking her home?

- She wouldn't want me to.
- Yeah, he's right.

Fine.

- Let's go get some cof--
- Don't touch me.

[Pestov speaks Russian]

I'm shipping those two.

Cool, whatever that means.

Look, I know why I'm here in my pajamas.

How'd you get sucked into this?

Do not let his negativity bring us down.
That's what he wants.

[speaks Spanish]

[speaks Spanish]

[laughs]

Okay, Telemundo, I'm standing right here.

Let's use a language
that we can all understand.

[chuckles] Bro, this is South Florida.

If you don't know Spanish, that's on you.

Ooh, I like her.

- Well, I'm glad you two get along.
- [chuckles]

- [Ro speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]

Yes, I'm here at the scene where our
own Heather McNally was brutally murdered.

And as you can see,
the garage has been sealed off

as police continue to search for clues
as to who could have committed

- this heinous crime.
- [phone chimes]

- [speaks Spanish]
- [Alex speaks Spanish]

This is Detective Burton.

- Detective Mendez here.
- [Ro] No way.

Finally made it to detective.

What?

I used to partner up with
Andrew Yancy here in the Keys.

Okay, well, fuck that guy.
He was full of shit.

I'll let him know that.

Listen, you can close
the Charles Phinney murder.

Uh, we got a suicide up here in Miami.

The ballistics match, plus the poncho.

The guy that iced the kid,
he was wearing an orange poncho, right?

Yeah.

Hey, you sure about all this.

It's the same ol' story.
You got a sketchy doctor.

There's a bunch of Oxy
laying around the house.

This kid was probably
just pushing pills for him.

So how'd you figure this all out?

You get it off of your tip line?

Fuck you.

[Keith] Eventually everyone reached
the same conclusion about Mendez.

Asshole.

[Keith] Nick
was still laying low in Miami,

wishing things could be
the way they used to be.

Hey, do you remember when we used to go to

the boardwalk at Daytona Beach
and play Skee-Ball?

[Caitlin chuckles] Yes.

And I wouldn't let you have the tickets
that we won until we both said,

[both] "Booyah."

- [chuckles] So embarrassing.
- [chuckles] Mmm. For you maybe.

Booyah. [chuckles]

Hey, um, I know
I wasn't always a great dad.

Yeah, I was thinking that at your funeral.

I, uh...

[sighs] I want to tell you
that I'm-- I'm really sorry,

and I think I could do a better job now.

You know, if you need me, I'll be there.

- Thank you.
- [sighs]

So, uh, tell me about this Simon guy.

[chuckles] He's great, but you'd
probably think he was a total dork.

He's, like, in love with Minecraft,
and he wears sandals way too much.

Whoa. Sounds like a fucking loser.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

[Keith] Nick couldn't
believe how it felt to be happy again.

He hoped nothing would ruin it.

[phone buzzes]

[Caitlin scoffs] This dude keeps calling.
Should I be worried?

Oh, you know, it's nothing.

- So, does Simon like to wear hats?
- [chuckles] Enough.

[Yancy] Come on, Izzy. Who shot you?

Not talking to me. You try.

[Rosa] Bro, the entry wound
is behind his ear.

You know that they're trying to say
that, after he murdered Phinney,

he killed himself.

Well, that makes no sense.
We were gonna meet up.

Right. Because,
I mean, who would kill themselves

if they were gonna get a chance
to sit down and talk to you later?

Okay, let's not turn on each other.

- I wasn't.
- You at least had the turn signal on.

You definitely had the blinker on, and you
were starting to go down that road,

because it-- the-the tone shifted.

Okay, I agree with you. There's
no fucking way that he killed himself.

Nick was such a low-level con man,
the Feds were gonna put him away,

so no one really
gives a shit that he's dead.

This one here is
supposedly a murder-suicide,

so everything's wrapped up in a bow.

[tuts] Fuck.

[Yancy] Yeah. [sighs]

What if I bullshit to keep the case open?

Say I looked at the body and saw
something that pointed to murder?

I love that idea,
so I know it's a terrible one.

[chuckles] Don't do
something that you're gonna regret.

[sighs] God, who cares?

This job is eating my soul.

Wow, that's just a little bit heavy.

I mean, let's go with it, right?

Let's get some OxyContin,
crank up some death metal...

[chuckling] ...and really
bring this party to the ground.

- [chuckles] Here.
- You're not gonna have one?

That's the last one.

And like you said,
your soul's going away or something.

So, I figured we'd throw a Popsicle on it.

Ah. I was hoping you would do that.
I knew you would, my friend! Cheers!

[laughing]

[Keith] Rosa couldn't remember
the last time she sat with a man

who cared more about
what he was putting in his mouth

than what he was trying to put in hers.

You know, I did-- I didn't always--

[sighs] I didn't always hate this job.

It's just, lately,
it feels like it owns me.

[smacks lips] Rosa "Campensino,"
nothing can own you.

Campesino.

Well, look, at this point,
you know it's not on purpose, all right?

And the correcting
doesn't seem to be helping,

so maybe just let me find it on my own.

So many vowels right next to each other.
Beautiful name. Hard to pronounce.

What's happening?

It depends. You know,
people keep telling me

that I should stay away from you
because you'll drag me down.

Is that true?

Well, unfortunately, I can confirm
that, without a doubt, that is 100% true.

- [smacks lips]
- [sighs]

[Keith] Rosa knew the answer.
The question was a test.

No more Popsicle time?

[smacking lips]

Do you have any idea how sexy it is
for a man to be honest for once?

[breathes heavily]

This is so fun. I just have one thought...

- [shushes, sighs]
- ...not to slow down the train,

but maybe we could go
somewhere a little less disturbing.

Yeah, I'm cool here.

[chuckles]

- Hey, Dad!
- Hey!

Ow, fuck!

[chuckles]

[groans] This Yancy guy
could cause us trouble.

I know. I know.

Maybe-- Maybe Caitlin too.

What do you mean?

I don't know, it's just she knows
a lot now and she can...

[stammers] ...you know,
she's-- she can be such a live wire.

- Go on.
- No, it's just,

you-- you didn't see her at your funeral.

She was pointing at me, she was
like... [grunts]

..."You're such a bitch. You killed him."
I mean, it was ins-- insane.

Maybe that's 'cause her dad had just died.

I know that.

I just-- [stammers]

Come on, babe, we're talking about
people that can cause us trouble. I'm--

Let's say she did cause us trouble,
what would you want me to do?

Why are you getting mad?

You saying I should hurt my daughter?

- That's not-- God.
- What the fuck is wrong with you?

That's not what I'm saying, Nicky.

Jesus! I would never do that.

I love Caitlin.

She's my stepdaughter.

Get the fuck out of here.

[sighs]

Is that what you think of me?

You're breaking my heart right now.

- Oh, shit, I'm sorry, I got it wrong.
- [sobbing]

Come here, honey.

Oh, baby, I love you.

I love you.

Ditto.

Whoa, what's the drama, Obama?

Oh, hey, buddy. How's the water?

[Keith] Eve always knew
she had it in her.

She would have called her old acting coach

if she hadn't framed him for pedophilia.

Well, as amazing as that was,
it was not all me. You were there too.

[laughs]

- Have you done that before?
- [sighs]

Yeah, I fuck people at work all the time.

[chuckles]

No, honestly, I haven't had a lot
going on since I broke off my engagement.

Engagement! Wow, what happened?

Short version, I met a guy as we were
both walking out of the Philharmonic.

I have this weird rule.

If you like classical music, you must
be in touch with yourself, emotionally.

- Well, I hate classical music.
- [chuckles] Yeah, that-- that tracks.

[chuckles]

So, yeah, after three years
of living with this guy,

I find out that he's cheating on me
with his paddleboard instructor.

But the kicker was that,
when I was throwing him out,

he admitted that he had
never even seen the symphony.

He was there because
he had to use the restroom.

So basically, I wasted a chunk of my life
for some guy who needed to take a shit.

Yeah, oldest story in the book.

- [chuckles]
- [phone rings]

- Hey, Mel.
- [squeals]

Bro, listen, listen, listen,
you are not gonna believe this shit.

- It's been a--
- [mouthing words] Sorry.

- [Mel] You're never gonna believe...
- No worries.

Ok-- Relax. What happened?

[Keith] For a second,

Yancy considered leaving
without making it weird.

Hey, I love you.

[whispers] Just go.

[chuckles]

[sighs] Heather's dead.

- What?
- Yeah.

And guess who's
filling in for her tonight?

- Shut up. No way. Are you serious?
- [chuckles] That's right! Me!

[chuckles] Oh, my God,
I'm kind of nervous. My armpits are wet.

- Okay. I love you. Bye.
- I love you too.

- Hey, Mendez!
- Yo.

Some lady wants to talk to you.
I put her in your office.

Bro! I got HEAT tickets, man. Come on.

Fine.

[speaks Spanish]

Okay, ma'am,

so my colleague tells me you saw someone

- outside of Dr. O'Peele's residence.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, so this has already been ruled
a suicide, so we can make this quick.

Just tell me what-- what did he look like?

- He was tall.
- Okay, he was tall.

That is actually perfect.
That's-- That's all we need.

Thank you. Thank you.

Wait, it was him. That guy right there.

- You sure?
- That guy.

[Keith] Mendez had
never been so glad to miss tip-off.

[Evan] Hey, hey!

Hey, hey, what in the fuck
are you doing, dude?

I'm throwing away the trash that
magically appeared on my property.

What? [scoffs, chuckles]
The trash can is right here.

Oh, shocker.

You actually know what a trash can is.

[chuckles] Dude,
I don't know how that shit got over there.

It's fucking birds and pelicans and wind.

Yeah. Well, next time I'll just
throw it in the big, yellow trash can.

[imitates Yancy] You're a big,
yellow trash can, loser.

[Yancy] I'm wearing white, genius.

[Mel] As excited as I am to be
filling in for Heather McNally,

everyone here is
heartbroken over this loss.

Even when someone is rude or mean,
you're still sad when they're gone.

[Keith] Yancy just wanted to unwind

and forget all about Nick
and Eve and the dead Dr. Izzy.

But sometimes the universe
has other plans.

Ah.

[Keith] Maybe it was the familiar
sight of blood in his shower drain.

Or maybe it was crossing paths
with the little friend he had rescued,

who, Yancy had to admit

seemed to be getting along just
as well with three limbs as with four.

He imagined a person
could do the same thing.

So they found Stripling's arm, right?

And we made the assumption
that there was a murder.

I mean, it's just like
the assumption you made

with that shitbag fiancé
liking classical music,

which by the way, no guy likes.

But answer me this, what if Nick
wasn't murdered, you understand?

And what if Christopher
is actually fucking Nick?

I mean, this is exciting.

Anyway, call me back
when you get a second.

Oh, uh, really did enjoy the sex.

Um, I probably should've led with that.

Bye.

Fuck you.

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