Original subtitles

(siren wailing)

(mellow melodic music)

- One move and it's your brains

all over the SteriWipes, Loz.

- I don't want no trouble, ma'am.

I just want a suction tube, some cloth tape and...

Some saline solution.

(Jo imitating gunshot) Ah!

(Jo imitating gunshot)

Why?

(Jo imitating gunshot)

You just shot yourself. - Yeah,

I'm not doing time for you, Loz.

- Ow! (groaning softly)

- Oh, Loz, are you alright?

- Yeah, just a little posterior thigh strain.

- Oh.

- June's into pony play, she spent the evening

mounting me as a palomino horse called Mr. Major.

My fault, 'cause I didn't properly brace for impact.

- Jesus, that's messed up. - Not as messed up

as you're gonna be, Little Missy Lady.

- It's not even loaded.

- Oh, really? (tongue clicking)

Never turn your back on the Lozenge of Doom.

(door clicking)

- Well, hello, Lawrence.

- Oh, hi, George.

See you, Jo.

- So REACT training?

- Reactions like this, I don't need training, George.

- Or I could just tell your boss

that you're refusing a mandated mental health scheme.

- Fortunately, George, I've got some real training to do

with the new re-stocker, so I don't have time.

(door thudding) (door locking)

♪ Oh, ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Oh, allow it, Jo, man.

- You're not taking an ambulance

to a knife crime workshop, they're too valuable.

- And we are not? - Exactly.

Now don't take all day, but try to inspire these young minds

to stop knifing each other

and get me some new paramedic recruits.

- Wendy, this is the whitest car ever made, blood,

I can't go to no hood school in this.

You are proper violating me, man

and I'm too hungover for this. - Oh good night?

- Worst, yesterday would've been my dad's birthday.

- Oh, you never said, you haven't spoken about him in ages.

- It's not that deep, bruv.

I did this little thing for him at the pub for his mates,

but they just kept rinsing me out,

because I still live at home with my mother.

They're like, "Puff Puff, you are a blight

on the hallowed memory of your father."

- Puff Puff, why do they call you that?

- I didn't say Puff Puff. (Wendy laughing)

I said Puff Puff. - Ooh!

- They're calling me a fried dumpling, blood.

They think 'cause I don't have enough money, I ain't shit.

- Well, I hope you told them where to flipping go.

- Are you mad? I'm Nigerian and they're my elders.

I paid the bill, bowed my head and asked for their blessing.

But it's cool, 'cause today I'm gonna smash it

and I might even ask Jo for a promotion.

- [Wendy] Right, well, get in the car, Puff Puff.

- Look, I beg you take the back roads, man,

(car door thudding) this car is crap.

- Oh, come on, get in, it's gonna be great.

(melodic upbeat music)

♪ What up ♪

- Tasha's had her bone marrow transplant,

apparently her pick line's a bit dodge.

- Okay, so we go in,

no eye contact, no sudden movements

and I know this is gonna be hard for you,

but please give her no reason to attack.

(ambulance doors clicking)

- Thank God you're here.

(ambulance doors thudding)

- I thought you'd be cross,

seeing as we flambed Tasha's comics on our last visit.

- I don't care who they send,

it's just nice to have someone, anyone else here.

We've been stuck in isolation together since the transplant.

(Claire sobbing)

She hates me.

- It happens, she's just lashing out at the caregiver.

She doesn't hate you. - Oi!

They're here for me, why are you leaving them out there?

I could be literally dying up here.

What's wrong with you?

(window thudding)

- Well, she definitely hates you.

(melodic orchestral music)

- Oh, it looks gorgeous, wowser, so posh.

Wake up, Puff Puff, we're here.

- Hm.

- Oh, I can't wait to do my rap.

- Oh God, no please, please.

These young brothers are going through

a knife crime epidemic, they've suffered enough.

- There's no brothers here.

- What, away, are you sure this is the right place?

- It's lovely, isn't it?

Oh, can you imagine me in a place like this

fumbling about in Hugh Bonneville's breeches?

- Ugh! - I haven't had a good fumble

since Spencer got here, not even with myself.

- Hey, please.

- No one's been down my abbey for a long time,

I can tell you that. - No, do not tell me,

I don't wanna know.

Why are we even doing a workshop here?

Posh people get everything, man,

we can't even have our own crime

without them taking that too.

- We treat without judgement , remember?

- These lot don't need me.

Ain't no duke shanking up some next duke in a postcode war.

- [Girls] Good afternoon.

- Afternoon.

♪♪

♪♪

- Okay, Jo, as I said before, REACT,

recognise, engage, actively listen,

check risk and talk are a framework

for a mental wellness conversation with your staff,

which is why I think it's so important,

that you've added words of your own.

- Got it, George.

- Okay.

Great, Jo.

- Thanks, George. - Really mature.

- Sorry I'm late or whatever.

No one would give up their seat for me on the bus.

Pensioners can be so entitled, don't you think?

(Spencer clears throat)

I'll be fine, I just, I just need somewhere to decompress.

- How about the stock cupboard,

where you should've been hours ago?

- Indoor voice please, I'm an HSP.

- What the fuck's an HSP?

- Highly sensitive person. - That's not a thing.

- I self-identify as one.

- Yes, we will happily make reasonable adjustments

to accommodate your needs.

- Needs? I don't do needs.

So get off my udders, let's get to work, you melt.

(Spencer sighing)

Christ!

(mellow upbeat music)

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

- If she gets violent, I'm throwing this over her head.

(Gary knocking)

- We're just gonna take a look at your pick line, alright?

(door clicking)

- Hi, guys, ready to go?

- It's not the Tasha I was expecting.

- What are you doing here?

I'm entitled to confidential medical care, so go away!

- There she is.

- Well, we can't have this, can we?

Stop all your lovely meds coming through.

Kareshma, I might need a hand here.

Oh, I think we might need a doodah from the van.

(door thudding)

There are no doodahs.

- No shit, you're literally couldn't have made it more

obvious we're speaking about her?

- I don't know, I'm quite good at subterfuge.

- Okay, okay, okay.

She knows how much she needs that line,

but she's obviously pulled it out herself.

The question is why? (door clicking)

- Hey, you guys ready to go

or do you need more time to talk about me?

(melodic upbeat music)

♪ Get it, get it, get it wherever I can ♪

- Wait, sorry, can you just show me again?

- I just showed you a minute ago, you twassock.

- Yeah, but I was texting, so I didn't really listen.

- It's not cryptic, mate.

You're a re-stocker, you grab the medical shit,

you take it to the neenaws, you get the old shit out,

you put the fresh shit in.

- Okay, put the fresh shit in, okay, got it, thank you.

(door thudding)

(camera clicking)

(school bell ringing)

- Please wait here, sir will be with you soon.

- Oh, thanks, duck.

I got my level one BSL on Wowcher.

- Another language for you to beg for innit.

Here, have you seen how much it costs to come here?

I can't inspire these kids,

they're already making more money than me

and they're only 12.

- You're a right "Les Misérables" today.

- Yes, this place has got me shook.

They don't usually let men that look like me

in gaffs like this.

- Eric Ubercama, headmaster,

really pleased to meet you both, please follow me.

- Bet no one calls him Puff Puff.

- Just tell us what you did.

- I was having a Zoom disco with my mates

and they got stuck when I was dancing.

- Oh, I love a boogie, my kids are always filming me.

- So that they can put it on the internet

for strangers to laugh at, Gary.

So do you really expect me to believe

you can't keep a pick line in?

- You have to get me out of here, it's my mum,

she's in deep fucking denial

and she's a Keep Calm and Carry On mug in jeggings.

So I'm not calm, I am fucking furious and nobody gets it.

Uh!

- I think I'm starting to.

(melodic suspenseful music)

- You are going to have to speak at some point.

- Will I though?

- You're speaking now.

- Am I though?

- If I were leading a wellness conversation with my team,

I'd start with some personal disclosure.

You'll find your own way with this,

but I'll just model the language for you.

You could start with something like,

I'm George, three years sober,

biggest fear, people find my insights annoying.

- I'm Jo,

got totally rat-arsed last night

and I can confirm you are a total ball ache.

(Darrell knocking)

- I'm busy!

- Lads, come on in.

(door clicking)

- We've got a question for you, well, Darrell does.

- Jo, I need a wife and I couldn't think of anyone lovelier

or more cleverer or more legally British to marry.

- Absolutely fuck, no.

- George, I need a wife and I couldn't think of anyone

lovelier or cleverer or more legally British to marry.

- Oh, she's tempted, Darrell.

- Please, it'll help my mental health.

- You know, one knife wound can kill you.

Well, not yous, 'cause you're not really

about that life, innit? (laughs)

- Could you turn on the hearing loop so we can all hear you?

- What, this thing? - Yes.

(switch clicking) (feedback whining)

- Thank you.

- Anyway, as I was saying, people under a-

- Jennifer,

ah, can you put the music on please?

(Jennifer sighing) (switch clicking)

(soft melodic music) Thank you.

♪ Selector, selector ♪

- Jesus!

♪ Into selector ♪

(audience laughing)

♪ Man up in the whip with a bally on ♪

♪ It takes one ♪

- [Maleek] What are you doing?

- Rapping, what's it look like?

- That is not rap. - Would you do it then?

- Look, just give me the thing, man. (tuts)

This is shit.

♪ Yo, if you've got your own, that's three times more ♪

♪ More time before the knives get drawn ♪

♪ Stay safe, stay in school ♪

♪ 'Cause that's what the really real Gs, them do ♪

♪ Bread Roman ain't got nish ♪

♪ Not nish, but big, bad news ♪

♪ Fit in there with your Gs ♪

♪ Your only Gs should be your GCSEs ♪

♪ So please take this message from me ♪

♪ It takes one ♪

♪ Yeah, that's right, it takes one ♪

♪ Yeah, that's right, it takes one ♪

- Yeah.

♪ Yeah, that's right, it takes one ♪

(audience applauding unenthusiastically)

Questions?

Yeah?

- How much does a paramedic earn?

- 34,000. - 30,000.

What?

- I'll pay you 35,000 pounds,

if you promise not to rap again.

(audience laughing)

Sir, are you gonna let her talk to me like that?

- Maddie. - I'm sorry, sir,

but I find it patronising, reductive and try hard.

(audience laughing)

- Your mum's patronising and reductive.

- Ssh! - That's why

they should beat kids in school though.

This is you and this stupid rap.

(mellow upbeat music)

♪♪

(Jo humming)

(files thudding)

- There's no point doing this,

I'm never gonna get you on side with this, am I?

- There you go, something we agree on finally.

- I'm going to use some direct language now, Jo.

I underestimated you. - It's alright, George,

so did my army PT, she's twice the bloke you'll ever be.

- If you won't take the mental health

of this depot seriously, then I'm afraid

Regional will find someone who will.

Am I making myself clear?

- Are you saying that I don't have to do

this mental health toss at South Hill?

Result.

(students chattering)

- Bye.

- That was a bit savage, wasn't it?

- I told you this was just a waste of time.

- All the kids, they say stuff,

you don't normally let it get to you.

- Yeah, but that's the hood kids,

it's hood kids, it's different.

You let them cuss you out,

'cause you know you're saving lives there,

but we're just a joke thing to these lot, man,

ain't none of them gonna be paramedics.

Posh pricks, like little dickead, Maddie.

What's she know about rap?

Fool, this is bullshit, man.

(feedback whining) - Maleek, the hearing loop.

- Oh, I'm not stupid, it's off.

- Maybe she won't tell anyone.

- She's gonna snitch.

- I'm not even angry, I'm just really disappointed.

(school bell ringing)

- Look, sir, or sire, whatever,

this whole thing was just a big mistake, yes?

So we're gonna leave you to your marking and that.

- Hold it, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.

Now you're going to finish this little workshop,

because I happen to think it's important

our students are prepared for anything life throws at them.

But first an apology.

Maddie.

(door clicking) - Oh.

(door thudding) Crack on, Maddie,

it's your time you're wasting.

- I think he means you apologise to her.

- But sir.

- Now.

- (tuts) Sorry, Maddie.

- Whatever, just no more rap, yeah.

- Hm.

Can I go now, sir?

- Off you go.

♪ Give it ♪

♪ Oh, ooh ♪

♪ Give it ♪

- It's bit of a dick move taking your anger out

on something you need like a pick line.

- Not my best work obvi.

- And obvi, as an NHS professional,

I would never encourage you to destroy anything

or smash anything up.

- No, no, crikey, no.

- But I wonder what would happen,

if you ripped the literal shit out of this schoolwork.

(paper tearing)

There you go.

(paper tearing)

And what about that shit over there, how about that?

- Come on.

(objects clattering)

(Gary laughing) - Yes!

- Tasha, what the heck is going on?

- I'm fucking angry, Mum,

not hacking, really fucking angry.

Aren't you?

- Of course I'm fucking angry.

- It's like good to show it sometimes,

you don't need to act like everything's okay.

- Fine.

(kick thudding) (objects clattering)

- Yes, Mum!

(melodic upbeat music) - Tasha, the bear.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

(bag tearing) - Aw, poor bear!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

(Tasha shrieking) (guitar thudding)

- We should leave them to it.

- Hm.

(Tasha shrieking) (guitar thudding)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

(audience chattering)

- Can we have some baba baba?

Ah, thanks.

Yo, Jennifer, hit the lights please, my G.

(Jennifer sighing) (switch clicking)

Nice, okay, so remember, guys, BPN.

B, leave the blade in,

P, apply pressure to the wound.

Now you can use anything, clothes if you have them.

And finally N,

call 999. (laughing awkwardly)

This is... Wendy?

- Right, well, these might look like a horror film,

but they're actual photos of knife wounds.

(girls screaming)

- Wendy, what are you doing?

Those aren't school slides, those are surgeon's slides.

- They said they didn't want be patronised.

- Yeah, but they don't want bloody PTSD either.

Look what you've done to the poor kids then.

(girl vomiting) - Oh.

- Oh, she's being sick, uh!

(mellow upbeat music)

♪♪

- [Darrell] Ah, Spencer, how was the first day?

- Do you know what, actually amazing.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was wondering if you knew any chicks

you could set me up with to marry?

- Ugh, heteronormative.

- It's just so Darrell can stay in the country.

The person just needs to have a British passport.

- Wow and racist.

Do you know what, you both disgust me.

- I'm so sorry for being a racist.

- [Darrell] That's it then.

- Only one option left.

- I'm gonna have to marry your mum and become your stepdad.

- Could you teach me how to ride a bike?

- Sure, kiddo.

- Welcome to the family!

(belt clicking)

- Thanks, Kareshma.

- Hm, literally just doing my job.

(ambulance door thudding)

What?

- Nothing, it's just you don't want to get

too close to the patients.

- As if.

(drawer thudding)

(plastic rustling)

- [Lawrence] Alright, Jo.

- Alright, Loz. - How did it go with George?

- All sorted. - Why are you doing this?

Where's the new guy?

- He's taking a daylight break.

- Oh. - What a twat.

- Hm, good, 'cause I don't want any witnesses to this.

(Lawrence imitating gunshot)

.44 to the face, yeah.

- Oh, you'd be out the door, if you shot that in here.

- Not if I stayed soft through the knees

at the point of release.

- [Jo] No, kick like a mule on that.

- [Lawrence] Hm.

(mellow upbeat music)

♪♪

- Oh, Spencer, how was your first day?

- Do you know what?

I'm so tired, I can't even talk about it.

There is a long hours culture at this place,

that's very unhealthy.

- Wenders, ah, I thought it was weird a mama bear like you

would walk out on her only son, totally get it now.

- You could do us both a favour and sack him.

- Well, I could, but I'm not a quitter.

I've bested worse grunts than him, I will break him first,

then hand his arse back to you in pieces.

- Right.

(mellow upbeat music)

- [Darryl] I'm scared.

- You're doing really well, son.

- Don't let go.

- I won't.

- Don't let go,

please. (bicycle whirring)

- That's my boy.

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

(hammer thudding)

(man thudding to floor) - Uh!

(light melodic music)