Original subtitles

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

You know, I'm really looking forward to meeting Gus Dolan.

You know, his book "babes and bullets"

is really a good thriller.

And a great success too.

26 weeks on the bestseller list.

Not bad for a first novel.

I really love these detective action stories.

I'm gonna get him to autograph my copy.

Here's your chance.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Dolan.

Captain.

Gus is the handle.

This is Kathy, my niece and secretary.

- Kathy. - Hello.

Hi.

I like to keep the loot all in the family.

[Laughing]

- Well, this is Mr. Washington. - How do you do?

- Washington. - And Dr. Bricker.

How do you do?

Gus, this book is really terrific.

Is it true that the detective character, jocko mcguire,

is based on your own life as a cop?

Why, I'm still a cop.

In my case, crime pays.

[Laughing]

And how about the sexy parts.

Uh, are they from real life too?

I can tell you some are, but if they were all true,

I'd never make it to retirement.

[Laughing]

Julie, Julie, Julie.

Well, if it isn't Paul Reese, the Cary Grant

of the publishing business. Hi.

Hi.

Mm.

Mm.

I never could resist a sailor.

Uh, gopher Smith, Paul Reese.

Hi.

Oh, Paul, with you and Gus Dolan on board,

this is going to be a real literary cruise.

And lucrative too, I hope, if I can nail Dolan to a contract.

That's why I'm here.

Well, he's already got a publisher, hasn't he?

I know, but that deal's almost up.

And if I could sign a writer of his promise, Julie,

it's going to really give me a boost at my company.

Can you help me get to him?

Well-- uh--

oh, come on, Julie.

Remember any of those passionate nights at acapulco?

We never had any passionate nights in acapulco.

If I can sign Dolan, we could.

You're incorrigible.

I know.

I'll see what I can do.

Without the passionate nights.

Uh, Paul, why don't you wait here.

Really, set up a table and give me a stack of books,

and I'll sign autographs.

Great.

Excuse me, Mr. Dolan.

I'd like you to meet a friend of mine who's

in the publishing business.

Come on, uncle Gus.

We should get settled.

Uh-- um-- oh, yes, of course.

I'm-- I'm not here to talk business, young lady.

I'll see you gentlemen later.

Yes.

Sorry.

Well, I think Gus made himself quite clear.

He doesn't want to be disturbed with any outside business.

But look at the bright side.

At least he didn't shake your hand.

Ooh!

Oh, hi, dad.

Julie. - Ah!

[Whistling]

Well, well, well, don't we look glamorous.

What's the occasion, honey?

Oh, nothing.

I just like to look nice for the passengers.

Oh.

Oh, that's ideal.

Thanks.

Vicki, just between us girls, is

there any particular passenger you wanted to look nice for?

No.

Why would you say that?

Hmm, the expertly applied lipstick,

eye makeup, new hairdo.

I know an ambush when I see one.

I'm so glad you notice.

It took me hours to get it just right.

Julie, you'll never guess who's sailing with us this cruise!

Who?

Scott Nelson?

You're right, I never would have guessed.

Who's Scott Nelson?

Only the cutest boy in my old school.

Oh.

Do you think he'll notice how much

I've changed in three years?

Of course he will, unless he comes

in here wearing a blindfold.

Oh, there he is!

Scott!

Hi!

Oh, Vicki.

I didn't even recognize you.

You look so different.

You really think so?

Yeah.

What's with the weird clothes?

I'm part of the ship's crew.

We have to wear a uniform.

Oh, bummer.

Do they make you wear that guck on your face too?

No.

Ah.

Vicki, I've been thinking about you a lot.

You have?

Yeah.

We haven't had a decent third baseman since you left.

Well, I better go find my folks.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Listen, Brian, I still think you're crazy.

Blowing all your savings on this cruise just because

of this stupid treasure hunt.

Treasure chest.

It's the super bowl contest.

It's the only one I ever won.

But I know they've hidden the key to the treasure

chest on this boat.

Sure, just like you knew where the key

was hidden the past four years.

No, no, no.

No, this year the $25,000 prize money is mine.

I have solved the riddle.

"Where romance floats I will be found."

Where romance floats.

The love boat.

Romance floats?

Could be my waterbed. - Hmm.

What makes you so sure you're on the right track?

To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure till now.

That girl is lenore pitchford.

I've seen her at every one of these hunts.

Pretty nice.

Pretty, yeah.

But definitely not nice.

She does not play by the rules.

Well, how do you know?

In 25 words or less, I don't play by the rules either.

You sure you won't come along?

Oh, not this time.

Have a good trip.

Thank you, my friend.

You are in luck, Ms. Pitchford.

These are the last two plans of the ship.

Oh, and you may want this too.

This is a key to the activity schedule on board.

Uh, no thanks.

That's not they key I'm looking for.

She probably means the key to my heart.

Heart.

She doesn't know the meaning of the word.

[Horn blowing]

[Music playing]

Gus, I really want to be a writer.

What do I gotta do to get started?

Pull out a pencil.

How long you been trying?

Three years.

But people don't seem to like what I write.

Well, then buy an eraser.

Don't worry about it, kid, you'll get there.

Gus, you said you'd tell us about how you

took care of the lassiter gang.

Oh, sure.

Doc, you stand right there.

Come out here, Isaac.

Chop chop.

All right now, you don't have to pull any punches with us,

you know.

Speak for yourself.

All right, now you both got heaters, see.

I'm standing there with my hands up like this.

And I knew they wanted to blow me away.

So I fake a sneeze to distract them.

[Sneezing]

Gesundheit.

Then I move to the right.

[Glass shattering]

That's all there was to it.

That was great.

Wasn't it, Isaac?

You all right, Isaac?

Sure.

I was coming back here anyway.

Yeah, you want me to show you how I captured another--

both: No, no, no.

Thanks, it's fine.

We appreciate it.

[Gus laughing]

Well, Gus, you must have had some fascinating life.

Yeah, amazing, Gus.

Well, it's so true, but--

it's getting late, uncle Gus.

We have to work on your new book.

Oh, Gus, before you go, I wanted to ask you.

What do you think of the work of Truman capote?

Never heard of him.

He must have worked in another precinct.

I'm sorry I couldn't help you get to Gus Dolan, Paul.

It's ok, Julie.

I think I found another way,

"where romance floats I will be found.

Once foreign bound, look around.

Proof's in store behind the door.

Of the president two you must--"

explore, huh?

Brian.

Nice-- nice to see you.

What a nice surprise.

The last time we met, you were on one of those silly treasure

hunts.

Oh yeah.

You don't do that anymore, do you?

No, no, I gave that up.

Lenore, I can't fool you.

You and I are both on the love boat for the same reason.

To get to puerto vallarta to find the key

to the treasure chest, right?

Right, puerto vallarta.

No, I can't fool you either, Brian.

Like the clue says, foreign bound, right?

I knew you'd figure that out.

[Yawning]

Excuse me, story.

It's the sea air.

I-- I think I'll go to my cabin and have a little nap.

I want to get all the rest that I can before we

get to, uh, puerto vallarta.

What a dummy.

Hi, Scott.

Would you like going for a swim?

Uh, I don't know.

I'm kind of interested in the Dodgers right now.

Ok.

Gee, you know something?

You're not such a skinny little shrimp anymore.

Oh, thanks.

You must eat an awful lot.

Scott, don't notice anything else about me?

Well, yeah, but I didn't really want to say anything.

Well, that's ok, you can.

Well, you know that perfume you're wearing?

Yeah?

It reeks.

Hey, Vicki.

It's incredible, I can still smell it.

Vicki.

Hey, what's the matter?

Julie, I'm a failure with men.

I don't think Scott even knows I'm a girl.

Oh, it's not you.

That's just a problem of being 15.

Boys your age just aren't as mature as girls.

Well, when do they catch up?

Well, when they're about 60.

Right now, you just need somebody

a little older to appreciate that you've grown up.

Well, I just hope they notice i'm

older while I'm still young.

In store-- proofs--

galleys-- galley store?

That's it!

Julie?

Yeah?

Uh, I'm doing a crossword puzzle.

What would galley store be?

Galley store?

Uh-- ship's pantry?

That's it!

Thanks, Julie.

Sure.

[Music playing]

Hi.

[Banging]

Hey!

Is anyone out there?

Oh, please, I can't get out!

Brian: You can't get out?

That's terrible.

Brian!

Would you let me out of here?

Don't worry, lenore.

Considering where you are, somebody's bound

to come along sooner or later.

Lenore: Brian, you can't just leave me in here.

Have a nice day, lenore.

You know, I really feel like working today.

Good.

The new book is due at the publisher's in two weeks.

Look at that!

Who'd have figured a year ago Gus Dolan cop is now

Gus Dolan bestselling author?

It was hard work, but it was worth it.

Ready to start, uncle Gus?

The juices are really flowing, sweetheart.

All right, let's do it.

Chapter 17.

Chapter 17.

Jocko mcguire's coiled body hit the floor, rolling as he

unleashed his .357 Magnum.

The .45 blasted from the corner, and hot lead

whispered past mcguire's eyes, his Magnum

belching an orange ribbon of vengeance in return.

Sensational!

I love writing, I love writing!

Don't tell anyone, but I think Vicki's

been replaced by a robot.

I thought if I gave you something to do,

it'd help pull her out of the dumps.

Dumps?

What happened?

Well, it's what didn't happen.

She made a play for that boy Scott and came up empty.

Aw.

Now she's feeling ugly duckling-ish.

Poor kid.

Yeah, her ego's pretty badly bruised.

Well, maybe a little first aid would help.

(Singing) There she is.

Prettiest woman on the high seas and

getting prettier all the time.

I wish somebody else I know thought so.

Well, anybody who doesn't is crazy.

You're the best catch on this whole ship.

Well, the only catch he's interested in

is a long fly ball.

Ah, well.

His loss.

I'll tell you this though, Vicki.

Something I never told you before.

Personally, I think your irresistible.

You do?

Mm-hm.

Maybe it just takes an older man to appreciate a woman like you.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

Shades of Houdini.

You escaped.

You alone?

I am, and I intend to stay that way.

You really are a rat.

That was a rotten thing to do, locking me in the men's room.

Relax, relax.

It turns out I locked you in for nothing.

The key wasn't in the ship's pantry?

No.

I tore the place to pieces too.

What a dummy.

Do you know, I thought I really thought

I had that riddle solved.

I did too.

Hey, why don't we take a break, huh?

No more searching for tonight.

Friends?

Friends.

For now.

You really did forgive me?

Sure I forgive you.

All's fair in love and treasure hunts.

What do you say we have a nice meal and then we go out

and tear up the old dance floor?

Why, you think the key may be under it?

Delicious.

Well, good evening.

Good evening, gopher.

Good evening, gopher.

Boy, Scott.

The way you're shoveling that stuff in,

you're gonna need some exercise later.

I got an idea.

Why don't you ask Vicki to dance later on?

Dance?

Ugh.

What are you trying to do, ruin my appetite?

Good evening.

Group: Good evening, gopher.

Vicki, you look sensational.

Well, thank you, gopher.

How come you never say those things to me?

Gopher's right, honey.

You look so lovely, I'm afraid someone might try to steal

you away from your old dad.

Yeah, Vicki.

Maybe Scott will ask you to go dancing with him tonight.

Oh, gosh, I was kind of hoping Vicki would

go dancing with me tonight.

With your permission of course, sir.

Permission granted.

I think you two make a very handsome couple.

Oh, excuse me.

I'm terribly sorry.

Are you all right?

What a clumsy thing to do.

Say, young fella, come join us.

My niece here can stand some youth around for a change.

Well, thank you.

Hi.

I'm Paul Reese.

Hi, I'm Kathy Dolan.

This is my uncle Gus Dolan.

Gus Dolan, the writer.

"Babes and bullets."

Top of the bestseller list for 26 weeks.

I'm sorry, the name's not familiar.

I'm not much for violent books.

But have you read "ship of fools"?

That's the one about two people on a cruise who are immediately

attracted to each other?

That's not the plot of "ship of fools."

I know, but it could be.

[Music playing]

You know, I'm beginning to like this almost

as much as treasure hunting.

When I think of all the hunts we've been on together--

maybe we should have spent more of our time like this.

It's never too late.

You know, gopher, you didn't have to ask me to dance.

I know I didn't have to.

I wanted to.

Really?

And truly.

Well, then how come you never asked me before?

Well, Vicki, you know, underneath this dirty, macho

exterior is a very shy guy.

You?

Mm-hm.

At first it's very hard for me to show a woman how I feel,

but eventually I find a way to let her know.

I think I know just what you mean.

Gus, you ever have a problem with writer's block?

I never use one.

I like to work on a table or a desk.

You seem tense.

Aren't you enjoying yourself?

Oh, yes, very much.

Oh, would you excuse me a minute?

Gus, could you give me a little inside information

on jocko's next adventure?

Uncle Gus, if you tell everybody about the new book,

they'll know the whole story and no one will want to buy it.

Are you kidding?

You haven't told me how it ends yet.

That is to say, uh, even I haven't

figured out how it ends.

You gotta keep yourself guessing, Isaac.

That is the sign of a good writer.

Maybe you oughta turn in, uncle Gus.

You want to start work bright and early tomorrow, remember?

Right on.

Goodnight, Isaac.

Goodnight, Gus.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Would you like to dance?

I'd love to.

[Music playing]

You know, Brian, it's been a great night.

But I'm getting a little tired.

I think it's time to go to sleep.

Lenore, if you were an actress, you'd starve.

I'm not gonna go to bed and let you get a head start on me.

I was hoping you'd join me.

Why not?

Ok.

I'll meet you in my room at 11 o'clock.

I'll go with you.

Brian, don't be silly.

Don't you need to get a robe or a toothbrush or something?

Yeah.

Uh-- all right, uh--

11 o'clock.

I'll meet you at 11 o'clock.

Let's synchronize our watches.

Don't be silly.

I don't have a watch.

Now, if you're not in my room at 11 o'clock sharp,

I'm coming to get you.

And don't bother to knock.

I'll leave the door open.

Oh, beautiful flowers.

Don't tell me another helpless male

has fallen under the magic McCoy spell?

No, doc, they're not for me.

In fact, I don't know who they're for.

There's no name or cabin number on the card.

But get a load of this card.

"My passion flows like a river true.

Let each petal show how I love you."

Hmm, a regular Romeo.

Yeah.

Too bad we can't find Juliet.

- Hi, gang. - Hi, goph.

Gopher, could you do Julie a favor and deliver these?

Yeah.

Where are they going?

We don't know.

Remember, Julie.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can get gopher to do today.

What am I gonna do with these?

Oh, Lou.

Uh, take these down to the galley

and put them in cold storage.

We don't know who they're for.

Oh, what a shame.

These sure could brighten up someone's day.

Hmm.

Well, Lou, wait a minute.

Um, on second thought, why don't you take them to Vicki?

Ho-ho!

She'll love that.

Ok.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Here, Vicki.

These are for you.

Well, thank you.

They're beautiful!

Well, who are they from?

Gopher.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Oh, gopher!

11 o'clock on the dot.

[Water splashing]

Lenore: Brian, is that you?

Come on in.

I'm in.

Lenore: Just make yourself comfortable.

I'll be right out.

Take your time.

We-- we have all night, you know.

Lenore: Why don't you take off your things?

Just relax.

You'll find drinks on the dresser.

Ok.

Scotch.

Uh, lenore, where's the ice?

Lenore: I'll just be a little while.

But I promise you, it'll be worth the wait.

Yeah.

I'm sure of that.

But where's the ice?

Lenore: Brian, is that you?

Come on in.

Just make yourself comfortable.

I'll be right out.

Why don't you take off your things?

Just relax.

You'll find drinks on the dresser.

I'll just be a little while.

But I promise you, it'll be worth the wait.

She's done it again.

[Music playing]

Oh, Kathy, I'm really enjoying this evening.

So am I.

I do believe the lady is beginning

to relax a little, hmm?

Your neck and your shoulders.

Hmm?

And your back.

See?

All the tensions are gone.

I wonder if your lips are still tense?

You'll have to check them.

What's the result?

I think the condition's more serious than I thought.

What do you prescribe, doctor?

I want you to take two more kisses

and then call me in the morning.

Goodnight, Kathy.

Goodnight, Paul.

I'll see you tomorrow to get a refill on my prescription.

Good evening, Kathy.

Oh, hello, captain.

How are you and your uncle Gus enjoying the cruise?

Oh, very much.

I came on board to work, but it's turned out

to be more of a pleasure trip.

I'm glad.

I was a little concerned that Julie's publisher

friend might be pestering you.

Julie's publisher friend?

Yes.

Uh, Paul Reese, I believe his name is.

Julie said he'd do anything to get close to your uncle

to get him to sign a contract.

He hasn't bothered him, has he?

No.

He hasn't bothered my uncle at all.

Good.

Goodnight, Kathy.

[Music playing]

Don't bother.

I already looked in there.

Oh, I'm not looking for anything.

I-- I've been up all night.

I'm gonna take a shower.

Besides, how do I know you're telling me the truth?

How do I know you're not tricking me like always?

I'm sorry I ditched you last night, Brian, I really am.

Anyway, I didn't find the key.

You didn't?

Uh-uh.

Yeah.

Neither did I. But, uh--

if i-- if I could just figure out that door of the president.

Oh, I know.

The president.

It's driving me crazy too.

Oh, I'm so tired.

Yes, you are tired.

Sleepy, very sleepy.

You can feel your eyes getting heavier and heavier.

Tough luck, lenore.

Isaac.

Do you know where I could get a cup of wake up coffee?

Oh, sure.

There's breakfast on the starlight deck.

I'm on my way there now.

Come on.

When you go with Isaac Washington,

you get the best service in town.

Washington-- ah, like--

like the president Washington!

Yes, but I don't think I'm a direct descendant.

Thank you, Isaac!

Can you keep a huge secret?

Yeah.

I'm in love.

And the best part about it is he loves me!

Oh, Vicki, that's great!

See?

Some guys just take a little longer to come around.

Well, Julie, what do you think I should do?

Play it cool or hard to get?

Well, I don't know.

These days it's perfectly all right for a girl

to take the initiative.

If I were you, i'd do something to let

him know how I really feel.

Oh.

Thanks, Julie.

Sure.

Julie, did you know that if you twist the stem of an apple

while you recite the alphabet, it'll break off on the initial

of your future husband?

Sounds pretty scientific.

A b c d e f g. G.

Good morning.

Ready for the relaxation check?

I think I'm going to start right in on the lips.

I was just leaving, Mr. Reese.

Mr. Reese?

Yes, Mr. Reese, from the publishing house.

Mr. Reese who wants to get Gus Dolan's name on a contract.

The same Mr. Reese you used me to get to my uncle.

You're despicable!

Kathy, that Paul Reese is despicable,

but he's not the same Paul Reese that discovered that he

cares for you very much.

- You don't give up, do you? - No.

Now I found a lovely girl I'm not about to give up.

Let's forget about your uncle.

Can't we start from the beginning?

We've already had a beginning, a middle, and an end.

You're really gonna love Gus' book.

I'm really anxious to read it.

[Shouting]

I want to be ready next time he acts out a chapter.

I don't blame you.

[Suspenseful music]

Wait a minute!

Looks like you may have to forfeit

your "good housekeeping" seal of approval.

Why would anyone want to ransack my cabin?

I don't have anything of any value.

Hold it.

Did you ever return gopher's chipmunks album?

Hi, dad.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm fixing this antique Mexican vase

an old friend of mine gave me.

It's worth a lot of money.

Getting a gift from someone shows they really care for you,

doesn't it?

Mm-hm.

But it's better to give than to receive, right?

That's right.

Oh, good.

Dad, can I borrow $20 from you to buy a gift

for someone I really care for?

I think I've been set up.

Well, who is this lucky someone?

The neatest guy in the whole world.

Well.

Remember, I wear a size 16 collar.

Thanks, dad, but it's not for you.

There's another man in my life now.

Oh, that's right.

Julie told me you were interested in the young man.

I'm not interested, I'm in love.

Oh, that's nice, honey.

Tell me, what's, uh, the name of my future son-in-law?

Gopher.

[Glass shattering]

Come on, Kathy.

You ain't said a word in the last 15 minutes.

I'm sorry.

What was the last thing I said?

Chapter 18.

Give me a little time, uncle Gus.

Time?

Kathy, the world is waiting for my book.

Johnny Carson is hot for me.

Say something, anything!

I'm not in the mood.

Anything but that.

What am I gonna tell Carson?

I'm really sorry, uncle Gus.

I just can't concentrate.

It's a personal problem.

You got a problem?

I told big ed McMahon i'd have a few bouts with him

after the show.

I can't help it.

I'm just too upset.

Lovers' spat, right honey?

You know the best thing to get over that?

Hard work, and lots of it.

Get your mind off it.

Not today, ok?

All right, sweetheart.

I understand.

[Laughing]

Dames.

Well, who needs 'em?

I'll write it myself!

Hi, Scott.

You all alone?

It looks like it.

There's a good movie playing, and I know a girl

who'd just love to go with you.

Don't you think i'm a little young for you?

All right.

Apple-pie order.

Thanks for helping me clean up this mess, doc.

I'd better report this to the captain.

Hey, listen.

When you get finished, I'll buy you a drink.

I hear this place has a great bartender.

Julie (on pa): Welcome to beautiful puerto vallarta.

While we're at port, we recommend

you sample some of the fabulous restaurants,

or listen to the rhythms of a local mariachi band

on the gorgeous Sandy beach.

Hi, Reese.

How you doing?

Oh.

Lousy.

What's the matter with you two?

Between you and Kathy, I feel like I'm on the Titanic.

Well, it's my fault. I made a play for Kathy

just so I could get to you.

Me?

I was out to get you to sign this contract here

for the publishing company I work for.

And, well, that's how it started and--

that's not very nice.

What are you offering?

Twice the deal you had with your old publisher.

Well, that sounds great to me.

You give me this contract, and I'll give you the best

five pages I have ever written.

[Laughing]

You've got me, pal.

Great.

I've got you.

I've lost Kathy.

Wait a minute!

Not again!

Hey, Isaac-- looks like you're on a streak.

I'm beginning to think there's ghosts on this ship.

Messy ghosts.

Try treasure hunters.

What are you talking about?

That's what I came to tell you.

It seems some magazine has a yearly treasure hunt,

and two passengers think the treasure is hidden on board.

And they think that it's in my cabin?

I guess so.

But don't worry, the cabin's having a talk with them.

They won't be tearing apart your cabin anymore.

Well, that's a relief.

Can you imagine anyone thinking

there's $25,000 hidden in here?

$25,000?

Halfsies?

60/40, it's my idea.

- It's my cabin. - Halfsies.

Halfsies.

Well, I guess that little lecture from captain stubing

means that our treasure hunt is officially over.

Mm.

Well, I was ready to quit anyway.

I don't like losing.

Hey, losing once doesn't make you a loser.

Lenore, I'm sorry I played all those terrible tricks on you.

Well, that's all right.

I wasn't exactly Clara clean myself.

It was fun, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was more than fun.

You know, you're quite a guy, Brian.

You're quite a girl.

Maybe we're a winning team.

For treasure hunting?

For life.

Look, if you're not busy later, uh,

what do you say we get married?

Tonight?

Puerto vallarta is perfect.

You won't find a more picturesque or romantic place.

8 o'clock, the chapel at Santa Maria?

I don't know what to say.

I think the usual answer is yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Gopher!

Oh, Vicki, hi.

Haven't seen you all day.

Oh, I know.

It's been torture for me too, darling.

What?

Oh, I almost forgot.

For my knight in shining armor.

Ah, Vicki, wait a minute.

What are you doing?

What is this?

Showing the man who adores me I feel the same about him.

Uh, Vicki, wait a minute.

I didn't--

au revoir, mon amour.

Julie (on pa): Attention, please.

Nightclub tours of puerto vallarta

will leave the dock area in 15 minutes.

Hmm.

You look like a leading man, kid.

Hmm.

Actor.

The proof's in store behind the door of the president two.

Two.

Washington, president number one.

Adams, president-- Adams.

The ship doctor, Adam bricker!

The key's behind Adam bricker's door!

Oh!

Quarter to 8:00.

I'll make it up to her.

I'll make it up to her.

[Music playing]

Mrs. Burl Smith.

Nah.

Victoria stubing Smith.

No, that's not right either.

Mrs. Gopher stubing Smith.

Smith, I have some questions I want some answers for.

Answers for what, sir?

About what's been going on with you and Vicki.

My daughter thinks she's in love with you.

How do you account for that?

She has great taste in men, sir.

This is no time for a joke.

I hope you realize how much Vicki means to me.

Gopher: Sir, she means a lot to me too.

Merrill: Look she wouldn't throw herself at a person

without a reason.

You must have done something to encourage her.

Well, I have been extra nice to her lately,

but that's because Julie said she needed cheering up.

Does cheering up include sending her

a bouquet of flowers with a card so

hot you could fry an egg on it?

I didn't know there was a card with those flowers.

And if I did anything to lead Vicki on,

it was purely unintentional.

Is that the truth?

Well.

Here comes the hard part.

Telling Vicky the truth.

Ah, well, sir.

I'm sure you'll do just fine with that.

Oh, no, no, I won't.

Because you're going to tell her.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Gopher, do you like working on this ship?

I'll be gentle, sir.

[Music playing]

Julie (on pa): Attention, please.

We hope you enjoyed our stop at puerto vallarta.

Remember, passengers, the night is still young.

Kathy.

Please, don't leave.

I love you.

Listen to me.

You have no limits, do you?

You'd say anything to get my uncle to sign with you.

He already has.

Kathy, do you know how important it is for me

to have Gus Dolan signed?

It means $1 million for my company,

it needs a vice presidency for me.

You deserve everything you're going to get.

Please, stand still you think this contract is

worth more to me than you are?

I'd throw this away in a second.

Yes, I'm sure you would.

Kathy.

I love you with all my heart.

I guess I lost a writer and I found something more important.

Do you mind if I rewrite that?

What do you mean?

Found something important, but you also found a writer.

I wrote "babes and bullets."

Gus only posed as the writer because no one

would buy hard-boiled fiction from a woman.

They'd rather believe he did it.

You're the author?

That's impossible, Kathy.

Gus gave me these pages.

He just wrote them.

Oh, really?

I'd love to hear them.

One day at night, jocko mcguire drove to the old house.

Rusty and covered with cobwebs, he busted the lock.

"Hey, you punks," jocko yelled under his breath.

[Laughing]

You shoulders look a little tense.

You need to relax.

[Laughing]

Lenore.

Lenore, wait, please.

Look, before you say anything, let me explain why

I didn't show up at the chapel.

This I can't wait to hear.

Well, you see, I figured out where

the-- where the key was hidden.

And all I could think about was--

was using the treasure for a down payment on a little house

for you and me.

Really?

I swear.

For us.

Well, if it was for us, I guess

I can't be too angry with.

Where's the key?

I don't know.

I-- I couldn't find it, but I don't care.

I care about you, lenore.

Really, Brian?

Is that the truth?

The truth.

And no more tricks.

Nothing will change that?

Nothing.

I wasn't at the church either.

But I was a little luckier than you.

The key! I don't believe--

ah.

I'll make the down payment on the house.

Vicki.

I think you and I had better have a little talk, hmm?

Hey, Vicki, I think--

gopher, i--

why don't you go ahead.

Gopher, I've been thinking.

And, well, you're just not what I'm looking for in a boyfriend.

I'm not, huh?

No, I'm sorry if I led you on.

Oh.

Gosh, I don't know what to say.

I certainly wasn't prepared for this.

Don't worry, you'll over me someday.

Yeah, I guess so.

Rejection is never easy though, huh?

I know.

(Crying) Oh, gopher.

I heard you and dad talking.

I feel like such a jerk.

I could just throw myself in the ocean.

Oh, Vicki.

If all of us who did jerky things when we were growing up

threw ourselves in the ocean, there wouldn't

be any room for the fish.

Well, possibly a sardine or two.

Does that mean we're friends again?

Hmm, no.

We never stopped being friends.

[Music playing]

Come on, Gus.

I can't wait to see what happens with the new jocko

mcguire novel.

Well, why wait, doc?

I'll show you right now.

No, no, thanks.

I'll buy the book.

[Laughing]

Bye, thanks for sailing with us.

Thank you.

Oh, Kathy.

It's good to see you.

Well, you might be seeing us again real soon.

My uncle Gus is sending us on a cruise for our honeymoon.

Well, you went after the writer

and you got the secretary, huh?

Actually, I got both.

I'll explain it to you someday, Julie.

Well, if it isn't my favorite wrecking crew.

Hey, we're sorry about messing up your cabin, Isaac, really.

Yeah, we are, but we finally found the key.

Oh, that's great!

But where was it?

In your office, doc, taped to the bottom of your desk.

Yeah, we're sorry, doc, but we're gonna love

spending that $25,000 prize.

You know, dad, I've learned an awful lot

about the opposite sex on this cruise.

Not too much, I hope.

Vicki.

Someone here want to say goodbye to you.

Bye, Scott.

Bye, Vicki.

Hey, that was nice.

Here, gopher, you can keep the 5 bucks.

I enjoyed it too much to take your money.

[Theme music]