Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Gopher: We are now sailing through the inland passage

called "Alaska's marine highway" --

one of the most scenic waterways of the world,

with mountains and forests on both sides.

And all this is clearly visible here throughout a summer's Eve,

because this is "the land of the midnight sun."

Skip?

I think I'm getting cold feet.

Dave, I'm sure you'll do just fine.

You're a nice guy, and you've got a lot going for you.

This'll just give you a little boost of confidence.

Open wide.

Now get out there and get her.

Hi.

How's it going? Nice cruise, huh?

I'm sorry, folks.

Look, there must be something wrong with the formula.

It's not the formula -- it's him.

It needs some help.

It can't start from zero-minus.

Skip...

I'm gonna go run another lab check.

I'll prove the formula's right. Excuse me.

I-I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded.

He's probably right. I'm a zero-minus.

Dave, please don't.

I hope he succeeds.

For guys like me,

popping a pill may be our only hope.

We have to come back to Alaska and go camping some time.

I l-o-ove camping.

And you know what?

There can be all kind of wild animals all around.

They don't frighten me a bit.

But you know what scares me?

Go ahead, guess.

I-I don't know, Ellen.

Do you want to play some more cards?

Unh-unh.

You're sure?

Yes.

All right, I'll tell you...

Butterflies.

What could possibly scare you about a butterfly?!

I don't know.

It's the way they flit around here and there...

Eww.

Oh, they make me so jumpy.

Oh...ah...oh...

Well, I told you it was kind of crazy.

Well... You know what they say --

"cleanliness is next to, uh...

Sexiness."

[ Giggles ]

We'll play cards.

Well, hi, Dorothy.

Oh, hello.

Not tonight, doctor. You're dining at my table.

Oh, merrill, have a heart.

We're discussing strategy for the ketchikan race.

I need you to help me find Julie and trig.

Excuse us, Mrs. Meechum.

It's all right, Adam.

I'll be home later and alone if you care to drop by.

I'll be there.

No pun intended, merrill,

but aren't you going overboard with this thing?

No! We've got to do better.

Two ladies just stopped me

and said if I run my ship the way I run my team

they'll wear their life jackets to bed.

Sounds kinda kinky.

Captain nordquist: All passengers are invited

to our daily show in the tivoli lounge

to celebrate the victory of the sun Princess athletes.

Heh heh heh heh.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Mm.

Mm?

Don't you think we should be getting to the show?

Oh, if it's entertainment you want...

Mm.

Oh! Uh, would you like the last peanut, brita?

[ Laughs ] Peanut brita. [Brittle]

Oh.

You're still thinking about your wife, aren't you?

I'm sorry. I-I keep seeing Dorothy with that doctor.

You forget them.

You come with me.

Hmm?

Ja.

Please, sit down.

Brita will give you a good massage.

Oh...no, thank you.

Uh, i-I'm still sore from the last one.

Say, how long have you been giving massages?

You are my first customer.

I really am a gym instructor.

You're a professional?

Ja.

I-I-Is that why the captain hired you?

Oh, no, he doesn't know.

I heard about the carnival...

Uh...

...and thought it would be good publicity to win.

Oh, uh...

And I got jobs for other athletes aboard

so that we would have a really nice team.

Oh, I...

Lie down, Harry.

No...

Relax.

But I --

take it off.

No...

Take it off.

Oh, my goodness!

My goodness, would you look at the time?

D-Don't you athletes have a curfew?

[ Sighs ]

All right, Harry.

I get the message.

Enjoy your last peanut alone.

[ Sighs ]

Good night.

[ Ringing ]

Yeah, would you get me the radio office, please?

[ Soft oboe music plays ]

Oh, Adam...

This is perfect.

I feel so relaxed.

A glass of wine...

Soft lights...

And I hate this music!

[ Sousa's "stars and stripes forever" plays ]

There...that's better.

John Philip sousa?

[ Telephone rings ]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Harry! It's Harry.

Oh... Yes, as a matter of fact,

you are interrupting something.

What is it?

I knew it. I just knew it!

Oh, yes.

I accept your apology.

Good night.

[ Receiver clicks ]

What's up?

He finally apologized.

After all these years, he actually apologized.

He said my suspicions were correct.

About what?

About brita.

S-She's a pro.

She hired a-a bunch of athletes

to -- to be on the sun Princess crew.

That's where I'd seen her before --

on a television show. She's a champion.

No wonder we took such a beating!

Oh, I better tell the captain now.

Excuse me.

[ Music continues ]

Thanks, Harry.

Well, that tears it, sir.

There's only one thing to do now.

When we get to Juneau tomorrow, we notify captain nordquist

that we are withdrawing from the marathon.

No!

I won't give him that satisfaction.

But they're professionals. We don't have a chance.

In two days, we get to ketchikan and the final event.

There must be some way to outfox him.

And you can bet your life I'll find it.

Julie: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Won't you join us on the starlite deck

for our early bird breakfast buffet?

Well, you're sure the early bird.

Oh, hi, Megan.

Yeah, it's my favorite time of day.

And I didn't want to miss any of the inland passageway.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Is skip still sleeping?

No, skip's back in the room

having coffee with his bunnies.

Is there anything wrong?

No. No, I'm just being petty.

Somehow I resent skip working night and day,

although I'm sure it will probably benefit

a lot of people.

Yeah, he's okay.

It's very unselfish of him to help the rest of us

find the girl of our dreams.

Well, obviously, he's already found his.

You know, Dave...

I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with you.

You just haven't found the right girl yet.

Well, when I do, you can bet she'll never be alone

on a lovely morning like this.

Eureka! Success! I was right.

The formula does work...

Except it was in the wrong form.

It has to be taken internally to get into the bloodstream.

Ladies and gentlemen, and world, I give you "macho mints"!

Dynamite!

I think our deciding to stay in the cabin

for the whole cruise was a super idea, don't you?

We've really gotten to know each other.

Right.

But, uh, maybe we could bend the rules

just a little...

Start wearing regular clothes...

Get out of our jammies -- uh, pajamas.

What's the point, Helen?

Oh, just to break the monoton--

oh, something different.

What do you say?

Oh, you're rubbing your nose again.

I know!

We could pretend that we're meeting for the first time.

But it almost seems like that anyway,

doesn't it?

Man: Attention -- all members of the marathon team,

please report to the lido deck.

Pedal, pedal, pedal!

Get those juices going! Juices -- juices flowing!

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump!

We have to win that marathon tomorrow!

Do you call that pedaling?!

You look like a bunch of old ladies!

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump!

Keep those muscles moving!

[ Whistle blows ]

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump!

[ Whistle blows ]

Pedal, pedal! Keep those juices flowing!

Pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal!

Gopher: Good morning!

The pacific Princess welcomes you to Juneau,

Alaska's oldest town and now its capitol.

Land tours are available in the purser's lobby.

Be sure to see

a major attraction and a natural phenomenon,

the famous mendenhall glacier --

part of a gigantic 4,000-square-mile ice field.

Or visit the famous gold mines, which, in their heyday,

produced millions of dollars in gold.

We sail for ketchikan at 5:00.

Captain nordquist: The sun Princess welcomes you to Juneau.

Passengers may go ashore or visit our worthy opponent,

the pacific Princess, at the next berth.

Harry!

What are you doing here -- checking up on me?

Now, why would I do that?

Because you're jealous, that's why.

Admit it.

Jealous?! Ha!

What's the matter --

miss arctic circle giving you the chill?

For your information, I came here with miss arc--

with brita.

She had to see that doctor of yours.

She's probably sick... Of you.

Listen, don't worry about me. I'm doing just great.

And so was I until last night when you called.

Okay, let's make a deal -- from now on,

you stay out of my vacation, and I'll stay out of yours.

Deal. Shake.

Deal.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Excuse me -- doc?

Hyah! Hyah!

All right, no rematch. No rematch.

Relax, doc.

I just want to speak to you for a little while.

Uh, it's too late, brita.

After all that exercise,

I'm donating what's left of my body to science.

Oh, ja.

Here, let me help you.

[ Bones crack ]

Just a little Swedish humor.

Ja.

I understand you've been seeing a lot of Mrs. Meechum.

Oh, not as much as I'd like.

Every pass I've made

has either been fumbled or intercepted.

I had a feeling it would be the same with you.

We are both involved with the meechums...

...but it is a very uninvolved involvement.

That's very perceptive of you, brita.

Ja, I am not dumb --

just blond and beautiful.

I couldn't agree more.

I have an idea, ja?

I'm beginning to get a few of my own.

Maybe we should put our heads together, huh?

At the very least.

Suddenly, life seems to be worth living again.

You can say that again.

Suddenly, life seems to be worth living again.

Gopher: Your attention, please.

The pacific Princess is now proceeding to ketchikan

by way of glacier bay.

Captain stubing: Hi, sweetheart.

This, uh, half day/half night is fascinating, isn't it?

What's bothering you?

Nothing.

Come on, Vicki.

I know you better than that.

What's the matter?

It's no fun anymore.

What isn't?

Everything --

this whole cruise.

I wish this contest never happened.

Don't worry, Vicki.

We'll win tomorrow.

Daddy, you've changed.

All you talk about is winning.

In the last two days,

you've yelled at the crew, you've called people names...

You're acting like a sore loser.

Now, if I behaved that way, you'd send me to my room.

You're right.

I would.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm really sorry.

I refuse to believe these mints don't work.

Skip, look, we've tried them with 100 guys.

I'm sorry, but your "macho mints" are El busto grande.

Well, it's not a total loss.

If nothing else,

you've come up with a great-tasting little candy here.

Megan, try one.

No, thanks.

Really, they're good.

Look,

I didn't go through all this trouble to open a candy store.

Somehow, there has to be something.

Megan, forgive me -- I-I don't know what it is,

but I can't resist you.

Dave!

Dave, what's the matter with you?

I need you.

Skip!

Holy cow, it's the mints!

You gonna do anything?

Darn right!

Hold still. I want to take your pulse.

You -- you jerk!

Oh!

Excuse me!

Ah!

Excuse me!

Which way did they go?

It works!

I will be rich and famous before I'm 30.

The only difference is, it works on women!

I thought the marathon race was tomorrow.

Adam, take it easy.

The time for "easy" is over, and now's the time for action.

Oh!

Always wanted to do that.

Oh, Adam, please.

Well, what's wrong? I thought you wanted to live!

Oh, I-I do. It's just that i'm, uh --

I'm a little out of practice at living.

Well, practice makes perfect.

[ Telephone rings ]

I can't believe it.

Oh, i-i-it's probably Harry.

Dorothy, he's got to be made to realize it's over.

You are free, available, ready to spread your wings.

Wait! Adam!

Hello, Harry?

Yeah, this is Adam bricker.

Yes, Dorothy is here.

Well, she has no interest in talking to you.

Now, look, Harry,

the lady has made it very clear she's liberated.

Her life is her own now, Harry,

and she's busy living it...

And very well, I might add.

So, Harry, why don't you stop calling

and let us get on with what we were doing?

Okay, bye-bye, Harry.

Now...

Where were we?

How dare you speak to my ex-husband that way?

But you told me you were through with him.

Harry meechum might have his faults,

but he is a loving and forgiving and dear man

who is obviously still very concerned about me.

Wait a minute, Dorothy.

You told me you were tired of --

Adam, you better leave.

Well, if that's how you want it, sure.

Dorothy, you know, this is --

damn.

What do I want?

Trig, can I talk to you?

Well, Julie, I was --

well, I was just going to turn in.

You see, it's, uh -- it's almost curfew time, and...

You remember what the captain said.

There you are!

I want to talk to you two about the competition tomorrow.

Captain, if you were counting on me to run in the marathon,

I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you.

My father and I --

well, I -- I mean --

trig, I understand.

This has been rough on you.

It was wrong of me to ask you to compete, and I apologize.

In fact, I intend to apologize to every member of our team

for allowing a childish rivalry to go so far.

I promise you, it will never happen again.

Are we backing out of the race, sir,

because of all their professional athletes?

Absolutely not.

The pacific Princess will never forfeit.

No, there will be a race tomorrow,

but none of you will have to participate.

Then who is going to race for the pacific Princess?

I am.

Captain stubing: Good morning, passengers!

Welcome to breathtaking glacier bay --

truly a wonder of the beautiful northwest.

When captain cook sailed these waters,

he never saw this sight because it didn't exist then.

The entire bay you see here was formed completely

within the last two centuries.

This giant glacier melted

and retreated into a valley of the St. Elias mountains,

leaving in its place a newborn inlet now called glacier bay,

which reaches almost 80 miles inland.

The Indians called this "thunder bay"

because of the roar of falling ice towers,

which continually shear off and crash into the sea.

We've sent a boat to collect a treat for you.

From the glacier, we bring you chunks of pure crystal ice.

These pieces of ice, each a century old,

will cool our dinner wine.

And strangely enough,

glacier ice lasts much longer than other kinds.

It's well worth a snapshot to show your friends back home

the phenomenon of nature's automatic ice maker.

This glacier you see here is only 1 of 20 glaciers

comprising a national park that is 1,000 square miles larger

than Rhode Island and Connecticut combined.

Glacier bay --

isn't it wonderful?

You know, it defies every known rule of science,

but obviously,

it was the female sex scent my formula reinforced.

Dave couldn't resist you.

You know, I could use some of that in an ice bag.

I still have a headache from last night.

Skip, could you get me some aspirin?

Sure, right away.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, she's fine --

uh, just a headache from all that running around.

You really did chase her.

I'm sorry, Megan.

No, hey, forget about it.

Hey, um, why don't I buy a bottle of champagne,

and we'll celebrate the success of my experiment?

Skip, I think you better forget the champagne.

It wasn't your experiment,

and it wasn't very successful.

What do you mean, it wasn't my experiment?

It was mine.

I rigged it.

I faked that phony play for Megan.

But why?

I was hoping those useless "macho mints"

would serve some purpose after all...

Like making you a little bit jealous

so you'd wake up to what a wonderful woman you have here.

You mean it was all phony?

Yes, it was a bummer idea all the way.

Well, it was worse than that.

Sentimental idiot.

Why would you do such a thing?

Why would you make a mockery

out of everything Megan and I wanted?

I thought what you wanted was to be together.

I guess my experiment failed, too.

I'm sorry, Megan.

There's no point in getting upset.

It's just a minor setback.

It might even be helpful.

Now I know what I'm looking for.

So do I.

As we say goodbye to glacier bay,

we set our course for our next stop -- ketchikan, Alaska.

Brita: Welcome to ketchikan.

Oh, while you are here, be sure to see the totem pole museum,

which features a carving of Abraham Lincoln

made over a century ago.

Buses are waiting to take you on the city tour

and then on to the marathon race with the pacific Princess.

Gopher: Ladies and gentlemen, good morning,

and welcome to ketchikan, Alaska.

There's good news.

The weatherman has promised us a bright, sunny day

for our big marathon race against the sun Princess.

Festivities begin at noon at the old town square,

so everyone come out and cheer us on to victory.

Dorothy!

Harry! Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

I wanted --

glad, huh?

You couldn't resist, could you?

You had to stick your nose into my life one more time.

What are you talking about?

You know darn well what I'm talking about.

Last night, brita and I were on the threshold

of a meaningful relationship

when your nosy call ruined everything.

My call? I didn't call you last night!

Yes, yours!

Oh, no? Then tell me, who was it

that brita was screaming at over the phone?

She screamed at me?

Yes.

Last night?

Yes.

On your phone?

Yes.

And what did you do?

Well...15 years deserves some loyalty.

I defended your honor and threw her out of my cabin.

And I threw Adam out last night, too...

Right after you called.

Me? I didn't call you.

Yes, Harry, I know.

Oh, I think we've been had.

And we were having so much fun, too.

[ Laughs ]

Dorothy...

Hmm?

Would you like to go someplace and talk?

Unh-unh.

I'd like to go someplace and not talk.

Your ship or mine?

My cabin's closer.

[ Sighs ]

Everyone's gone ashore for the big race.

Do you wish you had?

Of course not.

Now, Ellen, we agreed to stay in this cabin

to prove we get along great, and we'll stick to it.

Now, I've got my camera all set up.

Come on, sweetheart, let's take a picture together

and send it to all our friends at home.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Oh, darling, uh,

do you happen to have another tie?

What's wrong with this tie?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Uh, it just doesn't exactly go with that jacket.

I paid a lot of money for this jacket.

You don't think it's good enough for your snooty friends!

It's not that.

It's just wrong --

wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Just like your pajamas!

Well, maybe you'd like my clothes better

if you dusted them like you dust everything else around here!

Maybe you wouldn't be so colorblind if you ate your vegetables!

You mean "veggies," don't you?

I suppose you'd rather have your picture taken

with some guy in a pretty white uniform

like your friend on the crew!

Oh!

Ah-ha!

Oh!

Oh, you can just take a picture of yourself...

Rubbing your dumb nose!

Take it easy on that door!

They'll have to kill another tree to replace it!

Aah!

Steve: Welcome to the grand finale

of our cruise competition --

the fabulous marathon race!

And here come the sun Princess runners,

led by their captain, Gunnar nordquist!

They were the winners in Vancouver.

Another win today, and the trophy is theirs.

Brita: Hut! Hut, hut, hut!

My runners are ready.

Where's stubing?

Oh. Oh, he'll be here.

He's, uh -- he's very dependable.

They, uh --

they say he's one of the best cruise captains afloat.

This is nice, isn't it?

I thought it would be cold up here.

It is cold up here.

He won't face me.

He's afraid of the shellacking I gave him in Vancouver.

He won't show up.

Don't say that.

I've got over 300 pompoms to sell.

There's some of his people now.

But they're not dressed for the race.

Huh -- just like I said, there won't be any.

No race?

Attention, everybody,

I have a special announcement to make.

Pompoms are now half-price!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well...where's your team?

Who's running?

Well, uh, you see, we, uh --

well, well, well, well, well?!

[ Horn honks ]

Uh, he'll explain.

[ Honking continues ]

What's going on? Where are your runners?

I want to talk about that.

I had an idea.

This is no time for ideas, stubing!

The klondike carnival should really reflect

the special character of Alaskan life --

its charm, its heritage.

I don't like anything about this.

So, I propose that we turn the road race

into a real Alaskan event --

a dog-sled race!

[ Crowd cheers, marching-band music plays ]

[ Dogs bark ]

Those aren't real sleds. They've got wheels.

They use wheels in the summertime,

but it's the same thing.

Yeah.

All right, the committee accepts your change.

We'll call it, uh...

"The ketchikan catch-me-if-you-can."

Well, it was just a thought.

I-I do have my choice of driver.

Olaf!

He, uh, worked sleds in Norway.

And who's your driver going to be?

Trig, I suppose?

No.

I'm driving.

The way I see it, a captain shouldn't ask a crewman

to do anything he isn't prepared to try himself.

Brita!

Never let it be said that I took unfair advantage.

I will race you, stubing.

It'll be my personal pleasure to beat you personally.

[ Clears throat ]

Yay, captain stubing!

Hear, hear!

[ Cheers and applause ]

National enquirer is gonna eat this up!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please!

We are about to start the big event!

There's a slight change.

It is now called

"the clash of the captains

in their Yukon husky dog sleds!"

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?!

Be sure you have your pompoms!

[ Crowd moans ]

Are you ready?!

Are you --

yes, yes!

[ Dogs bark ]

Go!!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hee! Haw!

Come on, dog!

Haw! Haw!

Haw! Haw!

[ Dogs barking ]

Haw! Gee! Gee! Haw!

Haw! Haw!

Haw!

Hie, hie, hie!

Hie! Hie!

Hah! Hah! Hah!

The sleds have just passed the half-mile Mark!

They're still neck and neck!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Come on! Come on!

Haw!

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Gee! Haw! Gee! Haw!

[ Laughs ]

Great idea of yours, stubing!

Ha ha!

Haw!

Haw! Haw!

Eat my dust, stubing! Ha ha ha ha ha!

[ Coughs ]

[ Laughs ]

At the one-mile Mark,

captain nordquist has taken the lead!

[ Cheers and applause ]

See you back at port, stubing!

Wahoo!

All right, keep the finish line clear, folks.

And remember, it's not a race without a pompom!

[ Crowd moans ]

Gee! Gee! Gee!

Way to go! Let's go!

[ Laughs ]

Ah -- oh! Ah! Oh! Ugh!

[ Dogs whine ]

I'll give you a hand.

On three -- one, two...

Ugh!

Well, that does it.

Go ahead, you win.

First, my son betrays me, and now this.

Trig hasn't betrayed you.

He's been trying to talk to you since you left Los Angeles.

You won't give him a chance.

Talk to me about what?

He'll never command a ship, nordquist.

It just isn't in him.

Nonsense. I raised him to be a ship's captain.

Maybe you should come on my ship and look at his navigation charts.

Well, your sled's all right.

Uh...

If trig can't be a ship's master,

what do you -- what do you suggest he do for a living?

Anything he wants to.

He'd make a great cruise director.

Cruise director?

I will not have my son playing bingo...

Or teaching fat ladies to mambo --

never.

Go ahead.

After you.

We'll pick up right where we left off.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You stopped. Go ahead.

Haaaaah!

Hie! Hie!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, captain!

Go! Go! Go!

Let's go!

You can do it, captain!

Hie! Hie!

Hang on to your hats, everyone!

I think we're going to have a very close finish!

Hah!

Hie!

It's captain nordquist and captain stubing!

It's nordquist and stubing!

It looks like nordquist is the winner!

Yes! nordquist wins it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

The winner --

captain Gunnar nordquist of the sun Princess!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Congratulations, captain!

Have you got anything to say on this happy occasion?

No.

Uh, uh, come in.

So this is where you've been hiding.

Oh, I haven't been hiding --

not really.

Well, I've been looking everywhere for you.

I figured I'd messed up your cruise enough.

Well, in that case, uh...

Why don't we do something about fixing it up again?

What about skip?

Skip has another date...

With his rabbits.

We broke up last night.

You did?

Sorry to hear that.

The hell you are.

Gopher: The pacific Princess offers a hearty "welcome aboard"

to the passengers and crew of the sun Princess.

The gala awards ceremony is now about to begin

in the acapulco lounge.

This will attract women to men like bees to honey.

Now, if you'd like to volunteer for this very interesting experiment,

just fill out this form, hmm?

Hey, you two...

Best of luck.

No hard feelings, really.

Thanks, skip.

I could never be the husband you deserve.

I guess I'll always be married to my research.

Well, good luck with it.

Thanks.

Oh! If you'd ever like to improve --

what am I saying?

I need more help than you do.

[ Soft lounge music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll all take your seats,

it's time for the moment we've all been waiting for.

Now, if you'll put your hands together

and give me a nice round of applause

for the captain and crew

of the sun Princess and the pacific Princess.

How about it?

Big hand!

[ March plays ]

[ Music stops ]

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the cruise ship association,

it gives me great pleasure to present this handsome trophy

to the men and women of the sun Princess!

How about it?

[ Fanfare plays ]

And to its Valiant captain, captain Gunnar nordquist,

for winning the klondike carnival challenge match!

How about it?

[ Fanfare plays ]

Thank you.

I'd be pleased to accept this award

if I believed I deserved it.

But since the pacific Princess team

won one event the first day

and should have won the sled race today...

The trophy rightfully belongs to captain merrill stubing.

And I'd be proud to offer this trophy,

prouder still to shake his hand.

Careful, sir, it might be a trick.

I don't think so.

It's an honor

to shake the hand of my oldest adversary...

And my newest friend.

But I can't accept this award

for a competition I didn't win.

[ Crowd mumbles ]

Oh, come on, fellas, somebody has to take it.

Well, I don't want it.

No, I don't want it, either.

Then here, you take it.

We've already won our awards.

Besides, who needs another tin ice bucket?

I completely agree with you...

For once.

Well, I'll send for my luggage

when I get another cabin.

Maybe you'll find a girl at the party

who's more your style --

someone in an orange-and-purple dress,

drinking out of a snoopy mug.

Maybe you'll find your prince charming --

some nut dusting all the ashtrays

and running away from butterflies.

Where is everybody? Where's the party?

I thought you wanted to --

where is it?!

Acapulco lounge -- two decks up!

Oww!

So it didn't work out.

It sure didn't.

And yet, in a way, it did.

We did get to know a lot more about each other, didn't we?

Mm-hmm.

We already knew the super things

we really liked about each other.

And now we know the things we don't like so much.

Crazy thought, Ellen --

could it be just possible that now that we do know

the ornery side of our dispositions,

our chances of making it are even better?

Oh, I don't know, Jesse.

See, I really care about you.

But I need a relationship

with a whole lot of forever in it.

And I don't know if we can change enough

for that to happen.

Well, we wouldn't necessarily have to change a lot...

Just understand a lot.

Whatever you decide, Ellen,

one thing will never change --

I'll always think of you

as the best thing that ever happened...

To Jesse dobson.

Oh! Heh heh heh.

You know what?

With a little time,

I'll bet I could get to like "snoopy."

Uh-huh. Come on.

Good night.

Captain stubing, I have that report that you --

dad, what are you doing here?

I had a little talk with your captain.

I had him send for you.

I see.

I was just looking at your charts.

You're a terrible navigator.

Well, I figured if I just kept plugging away that it --

no...

Don't bother. It's hopeless.

Thanks, dad.

I knew I could count on you for your support.

You should do something you're good at.

Like what?

Like being a cruise director.

Stubing said that you'd be a very good one.

And that's what you'd like to be.

I wish you'd have told me.

Dad, I was afraid to.

Ah, well...

Yes, well, you see, that's what I am good at --

you're good at making people happy,

and I'm good at making them scared.

Hmm -- my crew, your mother...

Now my son.

What would you say if I told you

that I'm more scared than you are?

Scared of what?

Of losing you.

Dad, does that mean you want me to sail with you?

Yeah...

But -- but not as a navigator.

I still have my passengers' safety to think about.

Dad, you actually made a joke.

I mean, I never heard you do that before.

Yeah, well, every 25 years or so,

I do get a good one off.

Well, I'm glad to see somebody's enjoying the cruise.

Oh, are we ever.

In fact, it ended up so good that on our next cruise,

we're both going to sail on the same ship.

Really?

In that case,

on behalf of the international alliance of cruise ships...

Here.

W-W-Why'd you give this to us?

It's a loving cup for a loving couple.

Besides, nobody else would take it.

[ Clears throat ]

Adam, brita...

Harry and I are so grateful to you.

And we wanted to thank you.

And we want to thank you.

For what?

For kicking us out of your lives.

And letting us into each other's.

Aw.

Isn't that romantic?

You two deserve the loving cup.

Mm-hmm.

But whatever you do, don't let her give you a massage.

[ Sighs ]

Well, what are we going to do with this?

Fill it full of mud.

Mud?

Just a little Swedish humor.

[ Bones crack ]

Ugh!

Gopher: All visitors ashore, please.

The sun Princess and the pacific Princess

will sail for Los Angeles in 30 minutes.

Well, merrill, it's time to leave.

Although I must admit,

I'm afraid to go back to the sun Princess.

Why?

Well, my new assistant cruise director here

insists he's going to teach me to dance.

Why does that frighten you?

Well, if I dance the way he navigates,

I'll be a worse menace to my ship than icebergs.

[ Laughs ]

Gunnar, that's a joke.

Well, yes.

Well, that's two in two days, dad.

At that rate,

you won't have to get off another one

until the year 2000.

Aha! I saw that wink!

Goodbye!

So long!