Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh!

Did he call you?

Yeah. Did he call you?

Yeah. Did he call you?

Yeah.

He even called me, and I'm his own kid!

I didn't like the sound of his voice at all.

What's this about? What does he want to see us for?

I don't know, but my guess is

he isn't giving us any medals.

I think you're right there.

Come in.

You wanted to see us, sir?

Yes. I have a little question for you.

What's this about a cruise show?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

We were hoping to surprise you, sir.

You did.

It's gonna be our first annual cruise show.

Your last annual cruise show if it isn't good.

Oh, it's gonna be great, sir.

It's a real razzmatazz musical revue.

Oh, and wait till you see the script

that gopher and Isaac came up with.

Gopher and Isaac?

Yes, sir -- "the love boat folly!"

"Folly" seems to be the right word.

Don't worry, sir.

This show is gonna be terrific.

Why, heck, the opening number is gonna be just like

those old Mickey Rooney, Judy garland movie musicals --

well, you know --

where Mickey says, "hey, let's put the show on

right here in this old barn."

We don't have a barn.

Even better, sir, we've got a ship!

♪ Ain't got a theater, who needs a theater? ♪

♪ Let's put the show on right here ♪

♪ ain't got a band ♪

♪ who needs a band? ♪

♪ We play the greatest kazoos in the land ♪

[ Kazoo plays ]

♪ We ain't got no costumes ♪

♪ we'll make our own costumes ♪

♪ the sets won't be chic, but sincere ♪

♪ to Broadway we go, but we ain't got the gold ♪

♪ let's put the show on right here ♪

All right, all right!

Now, who's going to perform in this extravaganza?

We are, sir, and some very special talent.

Remember the way my mom wowed them

in the acapulco lounge when she was onboard last?

Well, I invited her to be in the show.

And I invited my mom.

She quit show business to raise a family,

but she can still belt a song.

And my aunt Sylvia's gonna come back.

Remember how everybody loved her when she sang on the ship?

And we've got my ex-mother-in-law Connie carruthers,

the big Broadway star.

I'm impressed.

A cast like that should be playing the palace.

Who needs the palace?

♪ Light the proscenium ♪

What's a proscenium?

♪ Let's put the show on right here ♪

You ain't got a star.

♪ Hardy har har ♪

♪ what kind of bums do you think that we are? ♪

♪ Collections we'll take up ♪

♪ props and full makeup ♪

♪ we oughta be doin' "king lear" ♪

♪ we're ready to go, ready and sold ♪

♪ what do we care if the palace is gold? ♪

♪ Let's put the show on ♪

♪ right he-e-e-e-re ♪

Guess who we're gonna ask to be the male lead?

Burt Reynolds.

But he's gonna say no, so we want you to do it.

Well, who could play the part of the captain

better than the captain?

Thank you, Adam, thank you, but I have a ship to run.

And may I remind you, you have a ship to run, too?

Oh, gee whiz.

Oh, gee whiz.

All rehearsals will have to be done on your free time,

and I warn you -- there must be no letup

on the way we look after our passengers.

Is that understood?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Dismissed!

♪ To Broadway we go, to put on a show ♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

the pacific Princess is now ready for boarding.

We will sail at midnight.

I love these midnight sailings.

They're so glamorous!

You always expect a glamorous crowd

when you're opening a great, new show.

Absolutely.

Oh, there's the star of our show, my aunt Sylvia.

Excuse me.

Aunt Sylvia!

Julie! Oh, my little niece Julie, baby.

It's so good to see you.

It's good to see you.

Oh, you remember Isaac Washington.

Isaac, how you been?

Welcome back, aunt Sylvia.

Oh, thank you.

Let me take a look at you.

I haven't seen you since you got married.

You know, marriage agrees with you.

It surely does.

But even more than my outward appearance,

marriage has changed me here.

Really?

Wouldn't a sweet little trinket like this

change you?

Uh-huh.

Oh!

Must be great being married

to one of the richest men in the world.

But, Isaac, I love him.

See, I didn't marry Mr. Bantam because he was rich.

I married Mr. Bantam because he was nice.

That's the kind of man that's always appealed to me --

one who's nice and rich.

Make way for the star of my son's show.

Mom!

Hi, mom!

My baby!

My, fantastic. You look great.

Was everything all right?

Everything is just wonderful, just wonderful.

Julie, you remember my mom.

I sure do.

It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Washington.

I'd like you to meet my aunt, Sylvia bantam.

How are you, Mrs. Bantam?

Delighted to meet you.

I'm so pleased you're gonna be in my show.

Uh, there is only one star in a show,

and when Millie is in it, Millie is it.

Oh, lucky us.

Who is this broad?

Welcome!

Aunt Sylvia, hi.

Mrs. Washington,

your son and gopher really wrote a great script.

Well, talent just naturally runs in our family.

I'm sure I'm gonna like it.

Well, I don't care if you don't. He's not changing a word.

Oh, isn't she sweet?

Ta-da!

Connie!

Hi! How are you? [ Laughs ]

Connie, I'm sorry, but we don't allow dogs on the ship.

Oh, that's okay. They just came here to see me off.

They hate to miss a good party.

Give them each a glass of champagne and take them home.

Goodbye, Harold.

Goodbye, Marvin.

Drive carefully, rover.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's morse code for "glad to be aboard."

We're so glad you could come.

Everybody, I'd like you to meet

my favorite ex-mother-in-law,

Connie carruthers, the belle of Broadway.

Wow!

Hi!

Oh, "the belle of Broadway" --

that's got a great ring to it.

Listen, is Trish checked in yet?

Little Trish is coming?

Yeah.

There she is -- Trish!

Hi.

Oh, no. It can't be. You're not --

hi, doc.

Trish? When I married your sister,

you were missing your two front teeth.

Now she's not missing a thing.

Careful. That's my little sister you're talking about.

I think I'm gonna enjoy this cruise, mom.

Please don't call me "mom."

How are people gonna mistake us for sisters

if you keep calling me "mom"?

Go to your cabin.

See y'all later.

Bye!

♪ With a song in my heart ♪

Here comes my mom!

And there goes my hearing.

Oh! My baby!

Mom, you look fabuloso! Wow!

You remember all my pals.

Oh, yes. Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

I want you to meet all the other ladies in the show.

Yes! I'd love to meet my supporting cast.

I'll give her a supporting cast on her leg.

Now, let's not be violent.

On second thought, let's!

Girls, you wouldn't dream of laying a hand

on another trooper.

However, I do have the name

of a good hit man in Detroit.

Oh, come on, girls. I'm only kidding.

Let's be friends.

Who picked your mother to be the star?

Well, it's only natural. She's the most talented.

Hey, wait a minute.

My mother-in-law can dance circles around your mother.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let's face it, folks.

There's only one star, and that's my mama.

I've got a few words...

It seemed to me...

Excuse me. Pardon me.

...the belle of Broadway!

My mama is not crazy!

Doesn't anyone work around here?

I'm sorry about that, sir.

Victor.

I'd like to be directed to my cabin.

Or do I keep opening doors till I find the right one?

Please accept my apologies, sir. My daughter will help you.

Yes. Your name, please?

Oh, my goodness!

You're Victor moncrief, the famous movie star!

I'm surprised someone so young knows me.

Oh. Well, I watch a lot of old movies.

Oh, I'm sorry --

it's a pleasure to have you aboard, Mr. Moncrief.

Well, being retired 10 years, I'm surprised anyone remembers.

Here we are, sir.

Promenade 350, the best on the ship.

Naturally.

Uh-oh.

Something wrong?

Well, Julie put a note next to Mr. Moncrief's name,

and his check bounced.

Oh.

Come on.

And your aunt -- your aunt comes in a red outfit...

Ex-- excuse me!

A gentleman just came onboard and asked,

"doesn't anyone work around here?"

Oh, yes, sir, we've got a lot of work to do

before we put the show on right here!

♪ We're ready, and so one thing I know ♪

♪ if we're a hit, then to Broadway we'll go ♪

♪ let's put the show on ♪

♪ right he-e-e-e-e-re ♪

[ Air horn blows ]

Can I get a little service here?

Yes, ma'am. What would be your pleasure?

The bartender to go.

Mom, you don't know how happy I am to have you here.

You can't be any happier than I am.

I get a chance to see you,

and I get away from that terrible pest at home.

Are you breaking somebody's heart again?

I do not understand it.

I am not a spring chicken.

I am not even a summer chicken.

But this Turkey is chasing me

like I was the queen of sheba with an expense account.

What kind of a guy is he?

Well, he's wealthy, owns a big hotel back home.

His name is --

Lionel j. Bigelow.

I do not believe this.

You must be part bloodhound.

I told you, Millie.

I'd follow you to the ends of the earth.

Well, you should've checked the ship's itinerary.

We're only going to acapulco.

Oh, no, Millie! I can't even swim that far.

Go away!

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Isn't it amazing not to have changed in all these years?

Why, thank you.

I meant moi.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Well, little sis sure has changed.

I can see I'm gonna have my work cut out for me,

keeping her out of trouble.

Now, now. That's her mother's job --

I mean, big sister's job.

Just the same, there are a lot of guys on the make

on this ship.

Well, if anybody should know about that, it's you.

What does he think he's doing?

Looks like he's being a very polite young man.

Are you kidding?

That's my old -- I mean the old towel trick.

Why, thank you, gopher.

Not at all. I'm in charge of towels on the ship.

Looks like the old towel trick is rubbing you the wrong way.

Moncrief.

Yes, captain?

I'd, uh, like to talk to you

about this check you gave us, sir.

Can you imagine our modern everyday banks?

They install computers, which are supposed to make

financial transactions more efficient.

Instead, the computers confuse my name, moncrief,

with some poor slob named monteath, who was overdrawn.

So the problem was a computer error?

Exactly.

Well, then I'll just redeposit the check.

Now, don't yell at the computer.

You know how sensitive they are.

Good afternoon, merrill. Lovely day.

Yes, isn't it?

And with passengers to match.

Roz, I'm sure you recognize the famous Victor moncrief.

This is Mrs. Rosalyn Smith, one of my favorite people.

It's easy to see why.

Well, I have some business to take care of.

If you'll excuse me...

...and I'm sure you will.

It is you, isn't it, roz?

Yes. It's me.

Of course. Those same twinkling eyes, they haven't changed.

And they're about the only things I have that haven't.

It's been a long time, Victor.

June 1953.

That's right. You remember.

How could I forget?

For someone who left me waiting at the train station

with my bags packed,

I should think that forgetting would come easy.

Oh, roz, I've dreamed about this day when we'd finally meet.

And I had all sorts of wonderful speeches prepared --

witty, sensational, sincere --

and all I can say now is that that was a foolish young man

who thought that an acting career

was the single most important thing in my whole life.

And I was a foolish young girl

who thought she'd never live through another day.

Roz...

Oh, it's all right, Victor.

We got through it -- both of us.

The young actor became a star,

I had a wonderful marriage.

You had a wonderful marriage?

Yeah, I've been a widow for over two years now.

I'm sorry.

To think that the two of us after all this time...

Look, let's have dinner tonight.

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. Not tonight.

I promised the captain.

Then after dinner.

We've got so much catching up to do.

Please.

Okay, it's a date.

But I'm not packing my bags.

Roz, I let you get away once,

but never again.

5, 6, 7, 8.

5, 6, 7, 8.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 --

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 --

shuffle ball change, shuffle ball change, step.

Shuffle ball change, step, shuffle.

Off to buffalo.

Off to buffalo.

Isaac, gopher...

Sir?

Sir?

Don't you think you should shuffle off to work?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Not bad.

[ Indistinct singing ]

Good evening.

Good evening, Mrs. Washington.

Good evening, Julie.

My, my, this is cozy, just like my dinette back home.

Right this way. The captain's expecting you.

Thank you.

Okay, miss, I'll take her to her table.

Wait for me. Wait a minute.

Will you please leave?

This happens to be the captain's table.

Okay, I don't mind eating with the help.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Oh, thank you.

Well, isn't gopher joining us?

I don't think so.

Looks like he got lucky without us.

They surely look cute together.

Yeah, real cute.

Well, it's certainly my good fortune

to be dining with such lovely ladies.

Where's -- where's Connie?

Oh, believe me, merrill, when she gets here, you'll know it.

She's coming!

♪ Dear lady, I adore you, I would swim the ocean for you ♪

♪ will you sign my book? ♪

♪ Not now, boys ♪

♪ your radiance is thrilling ♪

♪ I am ready ♪

♪ I am willing ♪

♪ will you sign my book? ♪

♪ Not now, boys ♪

♪ you're more than a mortal could ever express ♪

♪ oh, what is this magic I seem to possess? ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ how I admire your taste ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ don't let it go to waste ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I lo-o-o-ve you ♪

♪ how cute ♪

♪ It's the wrong time and the wrong place ♪

♪ though your face is charming, it's the wrong face ♪

♪ it's not his face, but such a charming face ♪

♪ that it's all right with me ♪

♪ it's the wrong song in the wrong style ♪

♪ though your smile is lovely, it's the wrong smile ♪

♪ it's not his smile, but such a lovely smile ♪

♪ that it's all right with me ♪

♪ and you can't know how happy I am that we met ♪

♪ I'm strangely attracted to you ♪

♪ there's someone I'm trying so hard to forget ♪

♪ don't you want to forget someone, too? ♪

♪ Well, it's the wrong game ♪

♪ with the wrong chips ♪

♪ though your lips are tempting ♪

♪ they're the wrong lips ♪

♪ they're not his lips ♪

♪ but they're such tempting lips ♪

♪ that if some night you're free ♪

♪ dear, it's all right ♪

♪ yes, it's all right ♪

♪ it's all right, all right ♪

♪ all right, all right ♪

♪ Simply magnifique ♪

♪ elegant and chic ♪

♪ yeah, it's all right, all right ♪

♪ all right, fellas, with m-e-e-e ♪

Just dropped in for a bite.

[ Big-band music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

Oh, we had such fun that summer.

Yeah, I remember those long walks after the show.

You would never take off all your makeup,

used to leave a little bit right here around your neck

so people would think you were an actor.

You were wise to that back then,

and all that time,

I thought you were just an innocent little small-town girl.

I was.

And I believed everything you told me.

Oh, but that's all gone and forgotten.

Say, what is this business about you retiring?

You're still in your prime.

That's very kind of you, roz,

but I got tired of all that phony Hollywood life.

I even sold my big Beverly Hills house

so I could live among the real people.

Here you go.

Two special champagne cocktails for two very special people.

Thank you, Isaac.

Put that on my tab, Isaac.

I'll catch you later with the tip.

Thank you.

To the old days -- the good old days.

Hope you don't mind, I'd rather drink to something new.

Fair enough -- to us, a new beginning.

Julie...

What's the matter, aunt Sylvia?

I'm worried about your uncle.

Oh, excuse me just a second.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, please don't stop dancing.

I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't worry.

I haven't been married to your uncle for long,

but I know him like a book,

and you can believe me when I tell you

that when he hung up that phone and said goodbye,

it was one of the happiest goodbyes that I have ever heard

in my entire life.

Aunt Sylvia, let's sit down and talk about it.

And spoil your dancing? Never!

Anyhow, Julie...

Your uncle's goodbye was definitely a --

well, it was -- it was, so to speak, as you might say,

it was a "I think I'll mix myself

"a couple of double martinis and go out

and see what's happening around town" happy goodbye.

That's what it was.

I'm certain of it!

Gopher, do you mind?

Hi, mom.

Hi, Mr. Moncrief.

Hello.

Hello, burl. Where's your girl?

Oh, doc's dancing with her.

Thinks he's her father or something.

Excuse me, Victor.

I think it's time for me to play mother.

Oh, excuse me, dear.

But you look much too healthy

to be spending any time with a doctor.

[ Laughter ]

Well, what I did in the dining room wasn't all that marvelous.

I just danced a little --

you know, the way Luciano Pavarotti sings a little.

Oh, what a wonderful performer she is.

She certainly is.

Why don't you ask her to dance?

Who, me?

Yes.

No, I'm too clumsy to dance with someone so professional.

Dad, you're not clumsy.

Well, anyhow, I'd feel clumsy if I was dancing with her.

Besides, she's the greatest.

Dad, you're not clumsy.

And why don't you ask her to dance?

You really think I should?

Yes.

Okay.

Excuse me, miss carruthers.

I wonder if you'd like to clumsy with me --

I mean, dance with me.

Why, captain, I'd be delighted to do either one or both.

Thank you very much.

Well, this is the first time I've ever danced with a captain.

Really?

Yes, I usually only dance with admirals.

Well, what a fabulous experience this is --

dancing with someone so professional.

I feel as if my feet haven't touched the ground.

Well, they haven't.

They've been on top of mine most of the time.

Oh, not to worry. The admirals do it, too.

Uh, perhaps, uh, we should, uh, sit this one out.

All right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Enjoying your champagne?

Oh, I love it.

Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm trying to get away from that terrible pest, Lionel.

Oh. Well, if you're trying to get away from that terrible pest, Lionel,

you better move away real quick, because here he comes.

He's coming. He's coming. He's coming.

There you are, dimple puss.

You weren't trying to avoid me, were you?

Avoid you?

That's like trying to avoid the shark in "jaws."

Ooh, ain't she something else?

You know, she's not only beautiful, but she's funny.

And can that gal sing a song!

Well, you don't have to tell me. That's my mama.

Come on, Millie. Sing a song for us right now.

I don't feel like singing a song right now.

Can you understand that?

Just like a woman -- wants to be coaxed.

Hold the music! Hold the music!

May I have your attention, ladies and gentlemen?

Tonight, the fates are smiling upon us,

because we have in this very room

one of the greatest singers of songs

you've ever laid an ear on.

I'm gonna kill that man.

And when he's laying down there dead,

I'm gonna really put a hurtin' on him.

...round of applause, and she'll come out and do a song for us.

Now let's hear it for Millie Washington!

Go ahead, mom. He's got you trapped.

Now go up there and give them a good show!

Um, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not gonna sing alone.

Isaac, get up here.

Mama, I can't sing. I'm working.

I-I-I can't, uh...

Uh, this is my son, ladies and gentlemen.

Get up here, Isaac.

We're gonna do that song I taught you

when you were 8 years old.

Do you know "you make me feel so young"

in d flat, please?

[ "You make me feel so young" plays ]

♪ You make me feel so young ♪

You're still in your prime.

♪ You make me feel so spring has sprung ♪

♪ and every time I see you grin ♪

♪ I'm such a happy individual ♪

♪ the moment that you speak ♪

I never run out of words.

♪ I want to go play hide-and-seek ♪

The boy's unique.

♪ I wanna go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon ♪

♪ you and I are just like a couple of tots ♪

♪ runnin' across the Meadow ♪

♪ pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots ♪

♪ you make me feel so young ♪

Just a babe in the woods.

♪ You make me feel there are songs to be sung ♪

♪ bells to be rung and a wonderful fling to be flung ♪

♪ and even when I'm old and gray ♪

No matter what people say.

♪ I'm gonna feel the way I do today ♪

♪ because you make me feel so young ♪

Come on and dance with your mama like I taught you.

♪ And when my bones begin to creak ♪

You'll still be at your peak.

♪ I'm gonna feel the way I do today ♪

♪ so giddy and girlish, so juvenile ♪

♪ just be like your mama, my honey child, because ♪

♪ you make me feel so young ♪

♪ so young ♪

♪ so... ♪

♪ ...young ♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Connie, I've been looking for you.

I was wondering if you and Trish might like a late snack.

Oh, no, thanks. I gotta stay in shape.

I gotta keep my taps tiptop.

Well, where's Trish? Maybe she's hungry.

Oh, I don't think so.

Anyhow, gopher's taking her for a tour of the ship.

At this hour? I'll bet.

Oh, relax, Adam.

They're just a couple of kids having a great time.

You remember how you were at that age.

Yeah.

I'll kill him.

Beautiful, isn't it?

No, it's just pretty. You're boyful.

I mean, you're bitiful. I mean, you're be-- oh.

♪ When I look at you ♪

♪ I start to stammer and to stutter ♪

♪ each word I try to utter comes out da da da da-da ♪

♪ you come into view, and all my insides melt like butter ♪

♪ I mumble and I mutter things like da da da da-da ♪

♪ but there's a song on the radio ♪

♪ it's moving up the chart ♪

♪ when you hear it, you'll know what I'm getting to ♪

♪ 'cause that song on the radio, it says what's in my heart ♪

♪ it's the one that goes da-da da ♪

♪ da-da da da da da da-da ♪

♪ da-da da da da da da-da, I love you ♪

♪ yes, that song on the radio, it says what's in my heart ♪

♪ it's the one that goes da da-da ♪

Yeah. ♪ da-da da da da da da-da ♪

♪ da-da da da da da da-da ♪

♪ I love you ♪

Uh, little sis...

Doc.

Isn't it past your bedtime?

I guess it is getting kind of late.

It's been such a big day.

Mm-hmm.

Good night, gopher.

Good night.

Now, this is just great.

My best friend turns out to be a wolf in purser's clothing.

You're making a big deal out of nothing.

We were just having a little talk.

Yeah? Looked more like lip reading to me.

Doc.

From now on, you confine your talks to the telephone.

If you want to reach out and touch someone,

make sure it isn't my little sis.

Hey! Get off my case! Trish is a big girl!

And who are you to tell me who to see and what to do?!

You're right, gopher. I won't tell you what to do.

I won't tell you anything

'cause from now on, I'm not talking to you.

Yeah?! Well, the same goes for me, too!

And if I were talking to you, I'd tell you to bug off!

But since I'm not talking to you, I can't!

So I won't!

Ha ha ha. That was fun.

Yeah, I had a real nice time.

Listen, I want you to go to bed and get a lot of rest, okay?

Wait a minute, now. Don't you worry about me.

You're the one who needs the rest.

You're working too hard.

Once a mom, always a mom.

Good night.

Good night, honey.

[ Humming ]

[ Cork pops ]

Isn't it fine?

Just in time for the wine.

You're going to make me

have to give the chambermaid an enormous tip

because she's gonna have to clean you up off the carpet.

Lighten up, Millie.

You don't want to mess up your future husband, do you?

My what?

Look, Millie. I bought this for you.

Say you'll marry me and it's all yours.

It is a big one, isn't it?

3.5 carats of perfect blue white diamond.

Mnh-mnh. It ain't perfect. It's got a flaw.

What are you talking about? That diamond don't have no flaw.

Yes, it does. You go with it.

Now, you take it and get out of my cabin.

Oh, think it over, Millie.

I'm not always gonna play this hard to get.

Outta here. Out. Out. Out. Out.

You know, I could make you a very happy woman.

I know. I'm beginning to feel better already.

[ Knock on door ]

What do I have to do to get rid of you,

call an exterminator?

Oh, Millie, don't you ever want to be somebody?

I am somebody.

Millie, listen to me.

♪ You're nobody ♪

♪ till somebody loves you ♪

♪ you're nobody ♪

♪ until somebody cares ♪

♪ you may be queen ♪

♪ you may possess the world and all its gold ♪

♪ but gold won't bring you happiness ♪

♪ when you're growing old ♪

♪ the world is the same, you never change it ♪

♪ as sure as the stars shine above ♪

♪ you're nobody till somebody loves you ♪

♪ so find yourself somebody to love ♪

♪ the world is still the same, you never change it ♪

♪ as sure as the stars shine above ♪

♪ now, you're nobody till somebody loves you ♪

♪ so find yourself somebody ♪

♪ and I don't mean anybody ♪

♪ just grab this gorgeous body ♪

[ Scatting ]

Hi-De-hi-De-ho.

♪ To love ♪

Lionel, go home and go to bed.

I'm not tired.

Well, I am!

That man is sickening.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Knocking continues ]

Julie.

Aunt Sylvia.

Julie, I just phoned your uncle Elliot, and he wasn't in.

But that's not the worst part of it.

The worst part of it was

that the reason that I phoned your uncle Elliot in the first place

was because I had a terrible dream

in which I tried to phone your uncle Elliot

and he did not answer the phone in my dream, either. See?

Well, I'm sure uncle Elliot's all right.

Don't worry.

But I do worry about it, Julie,

because, you see, there's something else

that I haven't told you about, either.

Besides your uncle Elliot not answering the phone in my dream,

i also dreamed that he was out with another woman.

No wonder he wouldn't answer the phone.

That philanderer!

And I thought once out of show business, life would be easier.

But taking care of investments with boards of directors,

making decisions --

supporting ex-wives. Ha ha.

You know, I've kept track of more than just your movies.

Yes, I admit it. I've made mistakes -- a lot of them.

But I think now I finally know what I want.

Roz, our meeting like this couldn't have just happened.

It's as if it was meant to be.

Oh, please, Victor. Slow down.

We're not kids anymore.

I know. And I've changed so much since those days.

I've not only grown older, I've grown up.

Have you really?

Yep. And to prove it,

I'm gonna exercise unbelievable self-control

and bid you good night, pleasant dreams.

I can wait for you, roz.

♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪

♪ the sweetness and the sorrow ♪

♪ wish me luck ♪

♪ the same to you ♪

♪ and I won't regret what I did for love ♪

♪ what I did for love ♪

♪ kiss today goodbye ♪

♪ and point me toward tomorrow ♪

♪ we did what we had to do ♪

♪ won't regret, can't forget ♪

♪ what I did for love ♪

♪ won't regret ♪

♪ can't forget ♪

♪ what I did ♪

♪ for ♪

♪ love ♪

[ Knock on door ]

Yes?

I just wanted to say good night.

Well, I should hope so. It's after midnight.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Dad...

Mm-hmm.

Are you sure you won't be in the cruise show?

It won't be half as much fun without you.

[ Sighs ]

Vicki, everybody can't be in show business.

Someone has to run the ship.

Besides, I don't think it's very dignified

to see a captain running around singing and dancing.

I guess you're right. Good night.

Good night, darling.

1, 2, 3, 4. Ta-da!

No.

No. No. No. No.

[ Singing scales separately ]

Ladies, it sounds wonderful!

How are we gonna whip these four prima Donnas into shape?

Use real whips.

Ladies...

Ladies, I just --

ladies, ladies, ladies!

Ladies!

Ladies, the big number in the show is called

"I want to sing a show tune."

Now, when I wrote the scene, I saw it as a ballad.

Very light, very low-key, very --

now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, gopher.

Gopher, when I wrote this scene,

I saw this particular number as up-tempo --

you know, somewhere in here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ladies, it's a ballad. Trust me.

Ho-- hold on, gopher. This is not a ballad.

This is a big number in the show.

It's not a Stevie wonder revival.

Boys, boys, boys, boys.

What?!

Why don't we get Mr. Moncrief's opinion?

After all, that's a song he did in one of his movies.

Good idea. Mr. Moncrief, listen.

Would you show us how you would do "want to sing a show tune"?

Oh, no. It's been ages.

I don't even remember how it leads.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Just this one.

Well, okay. I'll give it a shot.

But remember, you asked for it.

♪ Want to sing a show tune ♪

♪ good old Broadway show tune ♪

♪ nothing that has no tune ♪

♪ something that has heart ♪

♪ something you can strum or can hum by the hour ♪

♪ something kind of light that's as bright as a flower ♪

♪ something with a tune you can croon in the shower ♪

♪ to help the day start ♪

♪ you can keep those rock songs ♪

♪ I don't need those schlock songs ♪

♪ only summer stock songs ♪

♪ set me tappin' my toe ♪

♪ from "cabaret" to "carousel," let me tell you how fond I'm ♪

♪ of anything by Berlin or Rodgers or sondheim ♪

♪ want to sing a show tune ♪

♪ a lerner and a lowe tune ♪

♪ gotta sing a show tune ♪

♪ from a Broadway show ♪

All right!

Oh, you're great!

Oh, beautiful.

Great.

Hey, listen! Hey, wouldn't it be terrific

if Mr. Moncrief helped us put this show together?

Yeah!

Great idea!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I came on this cruise for a rest.

Come on.

We need you.

Well, you're all very kind,

but if that's what you want, okay.

All right!

Yeah!

All right!

Come on, I'll fill you in on the show.

You girls just keep on rehearsing --

it couldn't hurt.

I believe we have a new director.

Yes, and the new director has a new director.

Ladies, let's take an hour for lunch.

Meet back in the acapulco lounge at, uh, 2:00.

All right.

Bye.

Okay.

Isaac.

Yes, sir.

There wasn't a rehearsal scheduled for this hour.

We have a ship to run.

I know, sir. This is all my fault.

I thought we needed an extra rehearsal.

Isaac, perhaps what we need is an extra barman.

I just left the pirate's cove. The place is a mess.

Does he always speak to you like that?

No, sometimes he says the acapulco lounge is a mess.

Wow, this looks great.

It's just a little something we throw together.

Oh, gosh, I'm starved.

Yeah, but I still don't see why I have to apologize to doc.

Right. We were just having a little fun

and all of a sudden, he starts acting like my father.

Oh, come on, now, Trish.

Doc's only doing that because he loves you.

Well, he sure has a funny way of showing it.

Hmm, come to think of it, that's what your sister said.

That's why she divorced him.

Good afternoon, Connie, Trish.

Hi.

Hi.

Dining alone, I see.

No, but now they are.

Mom, uh, is something bothering you?

This is not the right job for you, Isaac.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the way that captain stubing

let you have it before.

Oh, that. Well, sometimes he talks like that,

but he'll be all right.

My son deserves better.

Wouldn't you rather have a job where you're giving the orders

instead of receiving them?

Well, sure, but, you know, as chief bartender --

I'm talking about an executive position.

That's what I want for you.

Mom...keep the faith.

I'm sure somebody will discover me.