Original subtitles

[Theme music]

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Hi, I'm George boggs.

This is my partner, irwin budge.

And, um?

Oh, this is Ms. Peterson.

Gopher: Welcome aboard.

Ah, Mr. Boggs and Ms. Peterson, you're in fiesta

cabin 130.

And Mr. Budge, aloha deck, cabin 340.

I hope you enjoy our cruise.

Thank you.

George, I really think I should

stay home and watch the office.

Forget the office for a while, will you?

We worked very hard to make that big $200,000 commission.

And I'm not going to celebrate it without my partner.

You're a good friend, George.

Ah.

Go change your clothes.

See you later in the bar.

Ok.

George, that was really nice.

I've been your bookkeeper over a year,

and I never realized you felt that way about him.

Hey, inside I'm a marshmallow.

As a matter of fact, I'm doing something even nicer for him.

You can help. - Sure.

How?

George: Well, there's a tax man coming to the office today.

I'm going to duck back and handle a meeting.

It's nothing, but I don't want to bother irwin with it.

You mean I'm going to be on the love boat all by myself?

We've got to keep irwin happy.

He's had a big offer to go to the Phillips company.

I'll catch a plane, get back on the ship at the mazatl n.

And remember, not a word to anyone that I'm not on board.

Put that in my cabin, will you, babe?

[Music playing]

Excuse me, Ms. Peterson, did you lose something?

Boy, I sure did.

Hi, I'm Pam rhodes.

Well, hi.

Welcome aboard.

Uh, I'm Dorothy may.

We're with the sunrise club.

Gee, I hope they'll be some interesting men board.

Well, there's usually one, sometimes even two.

Pam, Dorothy!

Ahoy.

Doug: Hey, this ought to be a, uh, swell cruise.

Uh, I hear there's even going to be a pool party

right after we leave port.

Let's-- we better get unpacked.

Come on.

[Music playing]

Hi, I'm Doug Bridges.

Uh, that Pam is really something, isn't she?

She's the whole reason I joined the sunrise club.

You know, I'm counting on the old love boat magic

to win her over.

[Scoffs]

If it doesn't happen, I guess I'll just jump overboard.

[Laughing]

I hope the magic works.

I hope he can swim.

[Laughing]

Are you sure Ms. Bradley's suite is ready?

It's perfect, captain.

There's fresh fruit everywhere, and there's more plants

and flowers than jungle land.

Still, I think you better double check.

[Music playing]

There she is!

Linda!

Hi, Vicki.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

So good to see you.

I missed you.

It's good to see you again, Ms. Bradley.

Hi, Isaac.

Uh, listen, Vicki, we've done a lot of work to do.

Come on.

What work?

Oh, right.

See you later, Linda.

Ok.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh!

I missed you so much.

I want to cram a whole lifetime into the next few days.

I'll devote myself to it.

Who's going to steer the ship?

What ship?

[Music playing]

[Ship's horn blaring]

[Music playing]

Line to port.

[Music playing]

Hi, Pam.

Oh, hi.

Hey, this is a great party, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, listen, uh, if you're not busy tonight,

maybe you and I could, uh, go to the dance--

I'm kind of tied up.

Excuse me.

[Sighs]

[Music playing]

Who's that guy Pam's with?

I've never seen him at any of the club meetings.

Oh, no, he's not a member.

That's Paul Murphy-- the Paul Murphy.

No, I've never heard of him.

You must have.

His name is always in the columns

dating models and actresses.

Huh.

He doesn't look like anything special.

What's he got that I haven't got?

Publicity.

Hey, listen, are you ready for a great idea?

As long as you're having a lousy time

and I'm having a lousy time, why don't we

plan the rest of the afternoon together,

and make it a total loss?

[Scoffs]

No, I'm really not in much of a party mood.

Hey, Doug, don't let it bother you.

A lot of nice guys get along just great

without phony-baloney notoriety.

Yeah, but, you know, it does seem to help, doesn't it?

[Music playing]

[Water splashing]

[Music playing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Have a seat.

Isaac, oh, we're ready.

Just like you ordered, irwin, a special

drink for a very special lady.

Is that what you said, for a very special lady?

Well, you are.

That's funny.

I don't think you ever noticed before.

Oh, I have.

I-- I do.

I look at you all the time in the office.

Well, not that way.

Well, that's ok.

After all, you are a bachelor.

How did you know that?

Well, remember me?

I'm the one that fills out the w-2 tax forms.

Irwin budge, no dependents.

That's right.

Irwin budge, no dependents.

That's what I've always wanted, a dependent.

I really would like to put something

besides a zero on that form.

There sure are a lot of things to do

here, shuffleboard and movies.

And there's a big dance tonight.

Dance?

Mm-hmm.

I do love to dance.

Do you?

Uh-huh.

Well, then maybe you and i--

ugh, do you think George will be up on his feet by tonight?

Not a chance.

That's too bad.

No, I mean, it really is too bad.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Yes?

Message for captain stubing.

That's captain stubing sir.

Oh, sir, yes, sir.

[Laughing]

Gopher knew I was coming up, so he asked me to deliver it--

obviously, a passionate cable from a lovesick lady.

[Laughing]

Oh, it's from the commodore.

I'm surprised he remembered.

I'm celebrating my 10th anniversary with the company.

Well, congratulations!

An anniversary, huh?

That's nice.

There are other anniversaries that are much nicer.

I've cleared the entire day.

What would you like to do?

Just be with you.

That you can be for a long, long time.

[Laughing]

I've got to write up some reports.

See you later.

Ok.

Whoa! Whoa!

Wait a minute. What happened to you?

This wild, crazy person.

- Oh no. - I never had a chance.

Don't talk. Go easy now.

Hey, doc!

Doc, get in here fast!

Doc, this guy has been mugged.

See if you can stop the bleeding.

Ju-- that's not blood.

It's lipstick.

Lipstick!

The guy who did it wore lipstick.

He shouldn't be that hard to spot.

It-- it wasn't a man.

It was a girl.

A girl?

How could a girl mug you?

Well, she didn't exactly mug me.

She-- boy, this is embarrassing.

All right, just tell us what happened.

Yeah.

And don't leave anything out.

I-- I was walking down the passageway.

And she grabbed me from behind.

Wait a minute.

He do you know it was a she?

Gopher, let him tell his story.

She pushed me in the closet and started

hugging me and kissing me.

But you're ok?

Well, of course he's ok, doc. He's fine.

Now look, could you identify her?

Did she say anything?

What?

What did she say?

Do I have to tell you?

- Well, not unless-- - stay out of this!

What did she say? She had to say something.

Come on.

Feel so cheap.

She just kept whispering, [Breathing heavily]

You're irresistible.

I can't keep my hands off of you.

Whoa, doc-- sex-starved female loose on the ship attacking

men in broad daylight.

Has anything like this ever happened to you before?

No, never.

Me neither.

[Music playing]

Ok.

If this report is accurate, just sign right there.

Oh, sir.

I was just going to look for you.

Yes?

Uh, sir, one of our passengers has been attacked.

Attacked?

Uh, well, maybe that's too strong a word, sir.

I guess you might call it more of an emotional mugging.

[Phone ringing in background]

Here's the young man involved, sir, Mr. Bridges.

Good work, gopher.

I want you to know, sir, we will prosecute this

to the full extent of the law.

Sir, no, no, no, no, no.

You got it all wrong.

A girl did it.

Mr. Bridges is the victim.

The victim?

Yeah, you might say, uh, he's the violatee not the violator.

A girl threw you in a closet and called you irresistible.

[Scoffs]

Yes, well, um, I must make sure this doesn't happen again.

No chance.

You've got 20 crewmen patrolling that corridor.

Well, why did you assign so many?

I didn't.

They volunteered.

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Look, I'm going to hole up in my cabin for a little while.

Curious, hm.

Gopher.

Hm?

When you apprehend the young lady who did this,

I want to see her.

Well, you'll have to take a number.

So does everyone else.

Ah, right away, sir.

You'll be number one.

I mean, you'll be the first to know, uh--

[music playing]

[Knocking]

Yes?

Hi, Vicki.

Come on in.

Let me see you.

Ah, don't you look nice.

Oh, so do you.

I can see why the captain--

[laughing]

I have a feeling you know something I don't.

But I can't tell you.

It's a secret.

Oh.

Well, if, uh-- if I guess it, then it won't

be a secret anymore, right?

Will you tell me if I guess right?

Well, sure, but you'll never guess.

Ok.

Is it about somebody I know?

You?

No.

Oh, your dad?

Ah, something special?

Mm-hmm.

I think I know what it is.

You do?

Well, I had a little hint earlier.

Oh, then you know he's going to propose.

[Music playing]

Wasn't that your guess?

Uh, oh, I thought it was a--

a surprise something for his anniversary.

Oh, well, you would have guessed it next anyway.

Isn't it the greatest?

Yeah.

Vicki, sweetheart, would you do me a big favor?

I have a lot of things to do now, ok?

Do you mind?

Hm, sure.

See you later then. [Kissing]

Bye, sweetheart.

Bye.

Oh, and don't worry.

I won't let dad know that you know.

[Music playing]

Three hours.

The news should have gotten around by now.

Hi, Doug.

Is everything ok?

Yeah, not too bad.

Uh, Doug, we had to inform the security people.

So word may have leaked out about you

being dragged into that closet.

I'm sorry, but--

well, I guess the story was bound to get around anyway.

Gopher: Still, I don't think the passengers will

make much of a fuss over it.

The story must be true, all right.

He was with the doctor?

Poor guy.

There must be something about him I missed.

I always thought he was kind of special.

I'll let you know if you're right.

I'm sure they'll forget about it soon enough.

Don't worry about it, doc.

Everything's working out just fine.

Pam: Doug?

Hi, Doug.

Gosh, I haven't seen much of your around tonight.

Well, I have been kind of busy.

So I hear.

Say, there's a moonlight party up on the lido deck tonight.

Would you be interested?

Sure.

Oh, good, so would I. Come on.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, the judges

have unanimously agree that the winners

of the pacific Princess dance contest

are Marge petersen and irwin budge.

Congratulations!

[Applause] - Thank you.

Congratulations.

What-- what? Did you hear?

We won.

Yes!

I've never won anything in my life, all thanks to you.

[Scoffs]

[Kissing]

I'm sorry.

Please, forgive me.

I didn't mean--

[scoffs]

I'm sorry.

[Music playing]

Irwin?

What's the matter?

I know what you must think of me.

I don't think you do.

I don't know what came over me.

I'm-- I must have gone crazy.

Well, I don't think it's so crazy.

It won't happen again, Marge, I swear.

I won't touch you.

I won't even come near you.

[Music playing]

[Laughing]

Well, I want to thank all of you.

Because of people like you, I've had a wonderful life

for the past 10 years.

And it just keeps getting better all the time.

Now is the time to hit into for the raise.

[Laughter]

All right.

Julie, handle this, will you?

Uh, be sure to save a slice for Vicki.

Oh, sir, sir, sir.

All these telegrams came for you--

what?

--And Linda.

There's one for you.

For me?

Oh, it's from sven laarson, captain of the venture.

We'll be passing you tonight.

Don't celebrate too much and bump into me.

[Laughing]

Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing, just a belated bon voyage from some

envious friends.

[Laughing]

Well, we can handle this later.

There's a full moon out.

[Applause in background]

Let's inspect it.

Um, that music sounded great.

Why don't we dance?

Dancing it shall be.

Excuse us.

Mm-hmm.

[Music playing]

Did, uh, she seem a little upset?

Well, there must have been something on that cablegram.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Isaac, what's the strongest drink you've got?

Well, I make a special Martini,

but it's by prescription only.

If it will help me forget, give me one.

Mm.

Things that bad, huh?

You're looking at a no-good, double-crossing heel.

I've been on the ship one day.

And already, I've tried to steal my best friend's girl while he

lies sick and helpless in bed.

What do you think of that?

Well, um, not much.

But it's a start.

Here you go, a Texas Martini.

Can you give me some advice?

Yeah, don't drink it.

Irwin, nobody can tell someone what to do.

But why don't you try being honest with him,

and tell them how things are?

I can't go near him.

He's got the flu.

Use the phone.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

This is irwin.

Oh, hi, irwin.

Irwin (oh phone): Uh, let me talk to George.

Oh, well, i--

I can't.

He's sleeping.

This is important.

Wake him up.

All right, but he is going to be groggy.

(Deeply) Yeah?

George, this is irwin.

I know you're sick, so you don't have to say anything.

I-- I have to get this off my conscience.

I've been seeing a lot of Marge lately.

It wasn't her idea.

It was mine.

Because I fell in love with her.

I'm sorry, George.

I just couldn't help myself, but I

promise you that I'll stay away from her from-- from now on.

But that won't be easy, because she is so wonderful.

Well, I hope you feel better.

[Receiver clicks]

[Sighs]

[Music playing]

Gopher (over loudspeaker): Ladies and gentleman,

welcome to mazatl n.

Land tours will be leaving in one half hour.

[Music playing]

Mazatl n, it's a great place.

Yeah, I remember.

I was here a while back with some sailor.

Oh, was that you?

Mm.

It had better have been me.

I wonder if that guitarist is still at that little place

near the beach.

It might be worth looking into.

Give me a minute.

I'll check with the bridge.

Merrill, I'm sorry I was so out of it last night.

[Scoffs]

I guess it was all the excitement.

You're feeling better today, huh?

Oh, much.

All I need now is a--

is a little quiet and a handsome sea captain very, very close.

[Music playing]

[Sighs]

Well, the anniversary cruise is starting to look promising.

I'll meet you on the gangway.

[Kissing]

[Birds squawking]

Did he propose just now?

Huh?

Oh-- oh, of course not.

Well, it never happens in broad daylight.

Don't you read all those trashy novels?

I can't wait.

It's going to be so neat having you here.

I couldn't wish for anything more.

Oh, sweetheart, don't let your wishes run away with you.

What do you mean?

Well, some of the things we wish for

aren't the things that happen.

I mean, sometimes, all they can be

or really should be are wishes.

[Music playing]

[Water splashing]

[Music playing]

What's the matter with irwin?

Well, a hangover, among other things.

Oh.

Well, I'll take that to him.

Uh, forgive me, Ms. Peterson, but I

don't think that's a good idea.

Let me check with irwin first, ok?

Ok.

Julie (over loudspeaker): Attention, please.

The buses to the mazatl n tour will be

leaving the dock in 15 minutes.

Irwin, here's the coffee that you ordered.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, listen, there is a very special lady

that'd like to see you.

[Music playing]

Marge?

Marge?

[Music playing]

Boy, mazatl n was sure a lot of fun, wasn't it?

Uh-huh.

You know, I've been thinking.

When you get back home, you should try to sell your story

to one of the magazines.

Oh, no.

I don't want to embarrass the girl wherever she is.

I'll get us some drinks.

The first round's on me.

[Chatter]

Yeah.

Uh, two margaritas, please.

Sure, coming right up.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Hey.

What's with you?

You look terrible.

Ah, I've been up all night trying

to catch the lady love bug.

I don't know, doc.

I gave her every chance in the world, hung

around all the dark corners.

She never even laid a finger on me.

It makes you lose your faith in human nature.

You may be losing your sleep over nothing.

That's what I said.

Oh, no, what do you mean?

Well, things don't just fit right.

Doug's story doesn't quite ring true.

Yeah, but why would he make it up?

Who knows, maybe a pathological

need for attention.

But my guess is it's a put-on.

It never really happened.

No female on the prowl, huh?

So much for equal rights.

There you go.

Forget it.

[Music playing]

Where are the margaritas?

Get them yourself, you phony!

[Music playing]

[Door shuts]

Marge: Hi, George.

Hey, what kind of a greeting is that for someone you're

crazy about?

[Laughing]

What's the matter with you?

We're going to have to have a talk.

All this time apart and you want to talk?

I think I'm in love with irwin.

Ir-- irwin?

[Laughing]

That loser?

He is not a loser!

He's honest and kind--

and broke.

What do you mean broke?

The company just made a big commission.

George: And guess what?

Last night, the office was robbed.

The dough's all gone.

So that's what this is all about.

You went back and stole $200,000.

I did not.

Half of that money was mine.

I only stole $100,000.

I'm telling irwin.

Ok, if you want to go to prison.

What do you mean?

I didn't do anything.

That's your story.

You convinced irwin that I was on board ship

while that safe was being robbed.

That makes you an accomplice.

Baby, you're as guilty as I am.

[Music playing]

Oh, come on.

This thing with irwin, it's just the moonlight.

Besides, he's not going to want to have

anything to do with you when he finds

out you helped clean him out.

Come on.

Forget the dummy.

Stick with a winner.

[Kissing]

I guess I don't have a choice, do I?

Wh-- wh-- what are you doing?

Well, I won this with irwin.

Since I have to get rid of him, I might as well

get rid of the doll, too.

Uh-- uh, leave it.

You know, I kind of like it.

I'll keep it.

I'm going down to the ship store and get a brand-new tuxedo.

We've got a lot of celebrating to do tonight.

[Growls]

[Music playing]

Gopher (over loudspeaker): Attention, please.

We will depart mazatl n in 20 minutes.

Quick, guys, get something long and cold for the lady.

Oh, forget the long and cold.

Just bring me two new feet.

We must have walked to the border and back.

The regular for me, please.

Right.

One iced coffee and two new feet.

[Laughing]

Listen, captain, you've got more cablegrams.

Uh, congratulations, I suppose.

Uh, well, listen, will you open them, and leave

them on my desk for me, please?

Certainly.

Hey, doc.

Hm?

You know the captain and the lady?

She's, uh, really doing great today.

That is, from the ankles up.

[Laughing]

I'm glad to hear it.

Yeah.

Well.

Oh, no.

What is it?

Doc, you know I'm not the kind of person to read

other people's messages, right?

But I just couldn't help myself.

I mean, this word just jumped right off the page at me.

What word?

It's in a message to her.

It must've got mixed in with the captain's by mistake.

I don't want to see it.

Doc.

Well, one little word won't hurt.

Husband.

It hurts.

(Whispering) She's married.

[Laughing]

But the question is, do we tell him?

[Music playing]

Marge!

Marge?

[Knocking]

[Music playing]

Hi, Doug.

Hi, Dorothy.

I spoke to Pam.

Yeah, I guess I really blew it with her this time, didn't I?

What really made her mad is that she

fell for your little trick.

You, uh, made her take a look at herself.

And I don't think she likes what she saw.

Yeah, now I'll probably never get another chance.

Are you sure you really want another chance?

Dorothy, of course I do!

You know the way I feel about Pam.

All right, buster.

I'll get you your chance.

You will?

Hey, Dorothy, that-- that's great.

You don't know how much this means to me.

Thank you.

Forget it!

I'm beginning to think you two deserve each other.

Irwin?

Oh, George.

Feeling better?

Where is she?

Did she come running to you?

Who?

Marge, you dummy!

Where is she?

Have you seen her?

No, not since we docked at mazatl n.

What a stupid broad.

George, you can't talk about Marge like that.

Oh, shut up, you meat head!

You're a perfect match.

When she told me she was in love with you,

I should have tossed her tail out of the cabin myself.

She's-- Marge--

you make me sick.

You've been making me sick for 10 years.

At least that's over!

She loves me.

[Scoffs]

She told me that she loves me.

If she loves me, why did she leave?

[Music playing]

Pam, I've been waiting for you.

Bug off, Charlie.

Didn't Dorothy talk to you?

Gopher: Hey, hey!

Great news!

We caught the lady love bandit, the one who attacked you.

You caught her?

Well, not exactly.

Um, she came in and confessed-- same thing.

Kind of makes a guy believe in Santa claus again.

Listen.

She's up in the captain's office now.

I thought you might like to go up, and see what

she looks like in the light.

So it did happen.

I apologize, Doug.

You go ahead.

And when you finish, I'll be waiting for you in the bar.

Uh, Doug, we've got to-- come on.

[Music playing]

Ok.

Now be prepared to defend yourself.

Remember, she finds you totally irresistible.

Dorothy?

You know her?

I'm sorry, Doug.

I tried.

But I couldn't help myself.

I lost all control.

The animal took over.

What?

She says she's sorry she tried--

I heard what she said.

Dorothy, why did you do this?

I can't talk about it.

It's, uh--

Dorothy.

Would you stop all this, and tell me what you're doing?

Look, you wanted another chance with Pam.

You got another chance.

And it serves you right!

You actually went and told the captain that you--

that must have been humiliating.

Mm, not too bad.

And they're not going to do anything about it.

They just think i'm some kind of kook.

Dorothy.

Look.

Aren't you wasting your time here?

You got the killer reputation you wanted--

go knock her dead.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Doc.

Linda, uh, may I come in?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Thank you.

What's wrong?

Is it the captain?

No, no, he's fine--

or maybe he isn't.

What do you mean?

Well, a message came for you, and, uh,

Isaac opened it accidentally.

Now please believe me.

It was totally by mistake.

It was with some other things that the captain

asked him to open.

Um--

go on.

Well, I don't know quite how to say this.

Then let me say it for you.

It probably mentioned a husband, didn't it?

I have no wish to pry.

Well, then why did you?

It's because you're shocked thinking a married woman is

having an affair.

If it was a married man, you'd be

laughing and buying him drinks.

We think an awful lot of the captain.

And don't want to see him get hurt.

Why are you all so protective?

Why shouldn't he get hurt?

Why should he be immune?

What is he, some tin god in a sailor suit?

Can't he take his chances in the deep end of the pool

like the rest of us?

Now, I only wanted to--

oh, to you, I suppose, only a vestal virgin would

be good enough for his majesty.

Linda, it wasn't easy coming here.

Linda: Oh, but you sure did, didn't you?

Because you wanted to hear it from me.

Well, it's not exactly what you think.

[Gasps]

[Sighs]

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Captain: Linda, are you ready?

Here he is, the man I'm hurting so terribly.

Well, tell him if it will make you feel any better.

Go on.

Tell him!

Sorry, I'm late.

What is this?

The latest news.

Here, read all about it.

[Slams door]

[Music playing]

Don't tell me you blew it again.

Well, I hope not.

So do I. I'd hate to waste that

four-star performance I gave him in the captain's office.

Well, I'm afraid it was wasted.

I already went back and explained to him exactly

what happened in that closet--

nothing.

And I also told him what you had to do with it,

which was also nothing.

I'm beginning to wonder what's going on in

that tiny little head of yours.

Well, isn't it obvious?

Look, i-- I started all this trying

to be the irresistible man.

And instead, I ended up discovering

the irresistible woman.

You know, Dorothy, it may not be big enough news

to make the papers.

But the fact is, i--

I've found that it's you that I care

for very much with all my heart and with all

my tiny little head.

Wow.

Is that all you're going to say, wow?

I think so.

Except for this.

Hey, I have a great idea.

Let's go back to the closet.

[Laughing]

Only this time, let's not tell the captain.

He's confused enough already.

[Music playing]

Marge: Don't turn on the lights.

Margie?

Marge: I have something to tell you.

And I don't want to see your face when I do.

I have something to tell you, too.

And I want to see your face when I do.

I love you, Margie.

I told George about it last night on the phone.

Now I'm telling you.

Irwin, don't.

It doesn't matter.

Because I know you love me, too.

George told me.

But he thought you left the boat at mazatl n.

Well, I was going to.

But I had to see you and tell you.

You're going to hate me.

[Scoffs]

What is it?

Irwin, you don't have a dime.

George robbed the office safe.

Well, he couldn't if he was here.

No, only I was here, except I was supposed to convince

you that he was, too.

Well, he told me he had to leave the ship

to talk to some tax man.

But instead, he-- and I'm an accomplice.

Easy.

Easy.

You didn't know.

He won't get away with it.

I'm going to tell the police everything,

so you can get your money back.

Forget about the money.

But it's $100,000!

I don't care if it's a billion zillion.

If having you with me means being broke and starting

all over again, so be it.

Let George have the dough.

I don't regret a penny.

Why'd it take me so long to fall in love with you?

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Merrill, may I see you for a minute?

There's really no point.

Please.

I'm sorry I made such a scene with the doc.

But these last couple of weeks, I've been under such a strain.

I guess something had to pop.

Is it true you do have a husband?

An ex-husband, an ex-husband.

I started to explain to doc.

But there really wasn't any point.

Because merrill, in effect, I am committed to him.

I don't understand.

About a month ago, he came back.

He's very sick, an alcoholic.

He's fighting it desperately.

Well, you can understand that.

An old enemy I well remember.

Oh, I couldn't refuse him.

He had no place else to go, nobody else to turn to.

And we had been married for 12 years.

I mean, some of those years were pretty good ones.

But what about our good years, the ones I want to give to you?

Oh, please don't try to make me change my mind,

because you can.

But I wouldn't like myself much if I did.

[Sighs]

I was going to tell you all this before I left.

Will you please believe that?

I do.

I do.

But I just--

I wanted to desperately to be with you.

I really needed you.

(Crying) And I wanted to--

I wanted this one last moment in time to together.

And I know that's so selfish, because i--

I didn't realize that you needed a deeper commitment, marriage.

I-- I mean, if that's what you have to have, then--

then we don't have anything.

Linda, maybe, in time, you'll change your mind.

It's a no-win situation for the two of us.

Don't you see that?

You know, before he came back, I hoped to be

the captain's lady for life.

But now I can only be his love for-- for an evening.

So it's up to you.

It's not everything, but it's all I have.

[Music playing]

Oh, I know you have to check with the bridge, right?

Well, couldn't you call from my cabin?

Linda.

What?

First, indulge me.

I've been practicing this question so long,

I just have to ask it.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

No, I won't.

But I love you, too.

[Music playing]

George!

George?

Oh, you're still on board.

Ha ha.

Couldn't give me up, huh?

I'm with irwin.

I told him everything.

Irwin: Relax, George.

You can keep the money wherever it is.

I came out better anyway.

Oh, yeah, well, good luck.

But I have decided to keep the doll for sentimental reasons

since we won it together.

We thought we'd take the stuffing out of it

and make it into a lamp.

St-- stuffing?

Bye bye, George.

Mr. Boggs, did you enjoy your cruise?

If you weren't a dame, i'd--

I'd punch you in the mouth.

Stuffing?

$100,000.

I don't know what you see in that guy.

He's a perfect flake.

Oh, I wouldn't say perfect.

But he does have possibilities.

Gopher: Well, Doug, I hope you come cruising

again with us real soon.

Thank you.

And next time, try to stay out of the closet.

[Laughing]

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

Bye.

I'm certainly glad there isn't any truth to that story.

What kind of a world would it be with aggressive women

going around grabbing men?

It would be terrible, doc.

It would be just terrible.

You'll say my goodbyes to the others, will you, and to Vicki?

[Sighs]

I'm going to miss her.

I still hope you'll come back maybe in a few months.

It is possible.

You know how I feel about you.

It wouldn't be fair.

I gotta get out of here right now.

Linda.

You're a very [Sighs] wise woman.

One thing you're dead wrong about--

you said you could never be the captain's lady.

But that's how I'll always remember you.

Oh, merrill.

[Music playing]