Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Hello.

Hello.

Hi. Emily Parker.

Miss Parker.

Oh, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 127.

Thanks.

Oh!

That's my kind of a book -- "passion at dawn"!

I'm an early riser.

It's not my book.

No, really. I'm a teacher, and one of my students gave it to me.

What do you teach?

Sex education.

You can certainly get an education in that area on this ship.

Well, I'm afraid I confine my studies to the classroom.

My students do all the extracurricular activities.

"Passion at dawn."

Tell me, uh, is this as exciting as they say?

Nah, it's trash. Don't bother reading it.

Won't have to. I'm Michael Scott.

I wrote it.

I hope it's not an autobiography.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing, and this is my daughter Vicki.

Hello, Vicki. How are you?

May I show you your cabin?

Oh, you needn't bother. We know where it is.

Oh! You've already taken a cruise?

Why? Is there one missing?

[ Laughter ]

Howard, I will die without those cold pills.

Search your pockets.

I will, dear.

I'm sure I had it here somewhere.

I know I didn't pack them in my bag.

Hello, I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

If you need anything at all, just ask me.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you very much.

Here's a little something for your thoughtfulness.

Thank you!

Thank you very much...

Mr. and Mrs., uh --

oh, just call us Zeke and Zelda.

It makes us feel much younger.

If you have any trouble figuring out which one is which,

remember, the one with the girdle is Zeke.

[ Laughs ]

Well, Zeke and Zelda, can I point you to your cabin?

Oh, that won't be necessary.

A nice young lady named Vicki already checked us in.

Oh, well, then enjoy your cruise.

And thank you for the fruit.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

I don't understand it.

I thought I put the basket right there.

There it is.

Howard, you are so irresponsible.

Oh, gopher, would you mind taking over for me

for just a few minutes?

I want to take my fruit down to my cabin before it disappears.

Oh, Fred, oh!

Don't you think the ship is beautiful?

Looks like any other ship to me,

except a cruise on this one

is costing me three years of hard-earned savings.

Oh, come on. It's not costing that much.

Listen, Nancy, I'm the one who has to be at work

at 7:00 every morning of my life, not you.

All right, all right, but we've already paid for it,

so why don't we just try to enjoy it?

You enjoy it.

And when you are through enjoying it, I'll take you home,

which is where we should have stayed in the first place.

Mnh-mnh.

Hello, folks. Can I help you?

Oh, uh, yes. Where do I go for the cabin key?

That's Julie McCoy. She'll be happy to help you.

Okay. Thank you.

You stay right here, Fred. I'll be right back.

How's it goin', buddy?

Nice day, sir.

Yeah.

Hey, guys...

Yeah.

Fred?

Fred, how are you?

What the hell do you care?

Tell my wife I'll be out there on deck.

Adam!

Nancy!

Yes!

Did you get the key to the cabin?

Yes. Did you s--

let's go to the cabin.

Doc, how'd you ever get to know a sourpuss like that?

My mother introduced me to him.

He's my brother.

[ Air horn blows ]

Well, well! Still reading that trash, I see.

Oh! Mr. Scott, hello.

Please, call me Michael.

And, uh, what should I call you?

I already know you're my favorite literary critic.

Emily Parker.

Hey, um, look, I'm sorry about what I said about your book.

Well, it can't be that bad. You're still reading it.

Well, it's not exactly Ernest Hemingway,

but all my students are reading it,

so I figured I'd find out why.

And did you find out why?

Yes. It's a very hot book.

Well, now, you know,

Ernest Hemingway wrote about sex, too.

Uh, yes, but Ernest Hemingway wrote about it

in a very artistic way -- not sensational.

Hey, look, Mr. Scott, I'm really trying to teach my students

that sex can be beautiful with someone you love,

not just a one-night stand.

Lovely, lovely values,

but, uh, a bit old-fashioned, don't you think?

Well, do you think that good writing

is a bit old-fashioned, too?

[ Clears throat ]

"Making his heart pound and his blood race wildly,

she pressed her firm, young body against his."

What's wrong with that?

That happens to be very passionate, erotic writing.

It also happens to be very sloppy writing.

It has lousy syntax.

Yeah, well, the people who read my books

don't care about syntax.

I know -- just sin.

Right. Thank you.

Thank you very much for the lesson, teach.

Hi.

I see you and the author are still not getting along.

I don't know what it is, Julie.

It happens every time --

whenever a man mentions sex, I get defensive.

That seems strange coming from a sex-education teacher.

How do you talk to your students?

That's different.

The only thing they want from me is good grades.

Zeke, what's gonna happen

if they find out we didn't pay for this cruise?

Zelda, baby, relax.

The worst they can do is put us in jail.

At least then we'll have a roof over our heads.

I still can't believe we got evicted.

Forget about it, honey.

That drafty old room wasn't good for your health, anyway.

This is what you need.

This -- sunshine, fresh air, good food.

I know, but that still doesn't make what we're doing right.

Oh, wouldn't it be great if we could do the act again?

Oh, Zeke, I miss performing.

What are you talking about? We're still performing.

Only this time the audience doesn't know it.

Well?

It's nice.

[ Sighing ] Oh.

If you were going to be like this,

why did you even stay on the ship

when you saw Adam was here?

Because I wasn't sure they'd give us our money back

once we'd already come onboard.

Oh, I might have known.

The reason behind everything with you is always money.

That's because I had to earn every penny I ever got.

My father didn't give me a lot of money to go to college

like he did my dear brother.

Please don't start with your father again.

Your father was a nice man.

To my brother, he was nice.

To me, he wasn't always quite so nice.

Fred, can't you forget things that happened 20 years ago?

I thought if you saw Adam again --

you swore to me five minutes ago

that you didn't know Adam was on this ship.

You did know!

You knew!

Yes, I knew, and you know what else I knew?

I knew that your bitterness towards your brother Adam

has poisoned your whole life!

But now you're letting it poison your son's life.

Because I won't send him to some fancy college,

I'm poisoning my son's life?

If Danny wants to go to college, he can work for it.

Can we go up on deck now?

Yeah. Sure, we can. I paid for this cruise.

I'm not gonna let my stupid brother

keep me from getting my money's worth.

What a life.

I break my back six days a week working in a warehouse,

my medical-school brother earns a living

giving aspirins to pretty ladies with no clothes on.

Fred, that's enough.

Adam never in his life did anything to hurt you.

The only thing you're mad at Adam about

is something your father did -- or you think he did.

Look, I don't want to talk about it.

Well, I want to talk about it.

And I want you to talk about it with Adam,

so I invited him to join us for a drink.

Then I'm going back to our cabin.

If you do, I promise you'll spend the rest of this cruise

in that cabin by yourself.

[ Sighs ]

Here comes Adam.

Hi.

Hi!

Adam, sit down.

Oh, thank you.

Enjoying the cruise so far, Fred?

Yeah, I was, so far.

It's been a long time since we've seen each other.

Yeah.

Well...

At these prices, I might as well get some sun.

Well, you tried, Nancy.

However, sibling rivalry is one thing,

fratricide is another.

Adam, please don't go.

He thinks that I don't know

that fratricide is killing your brother.

I do the crossword puzzles just like the upper class does.

Anyhow, fratricide isn't always that bad.

Sometimes it's the only chance you have

to become an only child.

We should have more of these family reunions.

They're really fun.

Mr. and Mrs. Botworth, you're at table 27.

Enjoy your dinner.

Zeke, only the registered passengers

have their names on that list.

How are we gonna get a table?

Honey, will you stop worrying so much?

You'll spoil your appetite.

Just leave it to me.

Hi, Vicki.

Hi.

Uh, would you happen to know if anyone on this ship is ill?

You see, I, uh, I'm very susceptible to germs,

and I want to keep away from anyone who may be contagious.

Let's see. Oh, there's Mrs. Van buren.

She has the flu, and Isaac just brought her a hot toddy.

But don't worry, because she and her husband

will be having dinner in their cabin tonight.

Van buren?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you very much, Vicki. Thank you.

Got it.

[ Humming ]

Hello, Julie.

Oh, hello, Zeke and Zelda.

Would you be so kind to show us to our table?

Oh, I'd be happy to,

but I'm afraid I still don't know your last name.

Van buren.

Van buren, okay. Let me check.

Oh, yes, here you are. Van buren --

promenade 216.

Right -- 216.

Yes. You're seated at table 7. Enjoy your dinner.

Thank you very much. You're very sweet.

You haven't lost your touch.

You're still the greatest.

Hey, with you as my partner, how can I miss?

Hi. Sorry about this afternoon.

Oh, no. It was as much my fault as it was yours.

I had no right to give you a critique.

May I join you?

Sure.

Well, I already know how this one ends --

I always read the desserts first.

I guess I'm just too sensitive about my work.

I'm thin-skinned myself.

Your skin may be thin, but it's very pretty.

You seem to have some definite opinions about writing.

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind hearing this page

and giving me some constructive criticism.

Now, tell me what you think.

I will.

"He could feel her hot, steamy breath against his neck,

sending tingles of excitement down his spine."

[ Clears throat ]

Well, it's not exactly my cup of tea,

but, uh, I think that would work better as dialogue.

"Does my hot, steamy breath against your neck

send tingles of excitement down your spine?"

I don't know about him,

but I'm gonna have to take a cold shower.

[ Laughs ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Clears throat ]

Well, Mr. Bricker, this must be quite an experience,

seeing your brother after so long a time.

It really isn't that much of a thrill, captain.

See, the reason I haven't seen my brother all these years

is because I haven't been looking for him.

Is this the proper fork to use for the salad?

I didn't go to college, and...

Would you excuse me?

I've got a bit of a headache.

Headache came on awfully suddenly, didn't it?

Not really.

I've had this one for a long time.

Excuse me.

[ Soft piano music plays ]

Zeke, don't you think you're getting a little carried away,

buying all of this champagne?

For you, baby [smooches] only the best.

I'm sorry to spoil all our fun, but I'm tired.

We still don't have a place to sleep tonight.

I've been working on that little problem,

and I think I've got it licked.

Son, allow me to shake your hand.

You are truly a master at the game of love.

I mean, the way that you toyed with that woman is pure genius.

You've got her eating out of your hand.

W-What woman?

The woman who has been staring at you all night.

Don't look. Don't look.

So you see, it's really a very sad story.

But he spends so much time with his oil Wells,

he doesn't have any time for any fun.

Don't -- don't look.

You know who she is? She is the former miss November.

She is?!

Yes, she is.

Don't look. Don't look.

As he was saying to me earlier,

"what's the good of having a few million dollars

if you don't have anybody to share it with?"

Sure.

Oh, oh, he's coming.

[ Gasps ]

Don't -- don't look. Don't look.

Now, don't tell him I said anything.

Okay?

Mm-hmm.

Hi.

Hi.

Would you like to --

I'd love to.

Did you get her room number?

Promenade 138.

138? That's terrific.

He's just down the hall in 133.

I bet one of those rooms will be available tonight.

You know, you can really tell a lot about a person

from the way they dance.

Oh, yeah? What can you tell about me, that I'm a klutz?

No. I like the way you move.

Very sexy.

It's no wonder you teach sex education.

[ Chuckles ] You kidding? Those kids could teach me.

Um...look, it's been a long day.

I better go.

I don't want to let you go. One more dance?

Are you kidding? I'm so tired.

One more dance, I would collapse in your arms.

I wouldn't mind.

I would.

Still want to edit my manuscript?

Sure. Why don't you bring it by my cabin?

Look, please, put it in a plain, brown wrapper

to protect the innocent.

You really all that innocent?

Good night, Michael.

[ Door closes ]

Now we gotta find 133.

Yeah, 133.

That's 135.

Here it is -- 133.

It's locked.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

We seem to have misplaced our room key.

Would you mind, uh, opening this door for us?

Fred, you're all wrong.

I'm not on Adam's side against you.

It's just that I want you to start living your life

instead of resenting it.

What are you talking about? I like my life.

I've got a wife who loves me, right?

Of course I love you.

And I've got a great son in Danny.

Danny will be great whether he goes to college or not.

I just had a brilliant idea.

What?

Danny is going to go to college.

Oh, Fred!

And you know who's going to pay for Danny's college education?

The money's going to be put up

by the only other college graduate in our family.

Why would Adam pay for our son's college?

Don't worry about it.

Oh, and speaking of the public benefactor,

there he is.

Adam...

Could I see you for a minute?

I'll catch up with you in just a minute.

Good evening.

What is this, Fred, round 3?

Adam, um...

[ Sighs ]

I feel like a real jerk for the way I've treated you.

I mean, you're my one and only brother.

I just wanted to ask you to forgive me.

You don't forgive a brother, Fred.

You just hug him.

[ Knock on door ]

Yeah, who is it?

Michael: Michael.

Michael, hi.

Uh, I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

Well, I thought I'd drop off the first chapter

of my latest masterpiece.

It may help you fall asleep.

One thing about your books -- they're never boring.

Sordid at times, but never boring.

Mind if I come in?

We could discuss how sordid this new one really is.

Um, at this hour?

Patience was never one of my virtues,

particularly where beautiful women are concerned.

Please?

Well, maybe for a little while.

So...

This is how a prim, proper schoolteacher lives, eh?

It's funny.

It looks exactly like the cabin

of a decadent paperback writer I know.

Did I say something wrong?

No. I guess I am a prim, proper schoolteacher.

On the outside...Maybe.

Deep down, I see a wild, passionate,

Michael Scott heroine.

You do?

Emily, I'm crazy about you.

Your hair and eyes, the scent of your perfume...

Um, Michael, look, um, I've never --

Emily, Emily...

I'm crazy about you.

Hey, listen, you guys want to stop reminiscing for a couple hours

so I could get some sleep?

Go to bed, Isaac. We got 20 years of catching up to do.

Adam, I want to show you this picture of Danny

when he was younger, where he looked exactly like you.

He looked like me?

Well, see for yourself.

He did.

I looked exactly like that at that age.

[ Chuckles ]

Got your brains, too.

Poor kid.

But...

But what?

He can't go to college

'cause we just don't have the money.

Isaac, can we have a couple more of these

before you go?

Certainly.

Adam, remember the time we chipped in

and bought our first old secondhand car together,

the one that wouldn't turn left?

Hey, uh, Fred,

does Danny really want to go to college?

Well, sure.

But why do you ask?

Well, maybe something can be arranged.

Cheers?

Cheers.

Michael: Emily, I was right.

You are a wild, passionate Michael Scott heroine.

See you later -- Michael.

How about some more orange juice

for two of my favorite passengers?

Thank you, Isaac.

Here you go, my friend.

There it is.

Fantastic.

Honey, you, uh, you go ahead and finish.

I've got to go. I've got a pressing engagement.

A pressing engagement?

Yeah -- your dress and my suit.

Mrs. Van buren?

Uh, Mrs. Van buren?

Oh -- oh.

Sorry. Uh, j-just call me Zelda.

To tell you the truth, nobody ever calls me Mrs. Van buren.

Okay, Zelda.

Uh, could you put your cabin number down here?

Your husband forgot to write it down.

Sure.

Sure.

[ Laughs ]

Works every time.

[ Laughs ]

Must be a lot of trouble keeping these bills straight.

Oh, I can't afford not to.

Any mistakes come out of my pay.

We're the Van burens.

Would you please tell the maitre d'

that my wife is feeling better...

And we'll be at dinner tonight.

Dinner tonight. Thank you.

[ Whistling ]

Zeke?

Huh?

I want to have a serious talk.

You go ahead. I'll be at the pool getting some sun.

Can't you stop clowning around for one second?

Sure!

I want to tell you about this --

time's up.

[ Laughs ] Get it?

It's a big joke -- time's up.

I'm not laughin'.

I just found out that Isaac might have to foot the bill

for our drinks -- out of his own salary.

Ah, don't worry.

When we get ahold of some money,

we'll send him a little something.

No, Zeke. No. That's not good enough.

There comes a point

when you have to assume responsibility for your actions.

I know, honey,

but thank heaven I haven't reached it yet.

Well, I have.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means if you don't care how many people you hurt,

then maybe we ought to break up the act.

[ Laughing ] So anyway,

Adam, who hated liver, said to mom,

"if Fred has to go to his room without dinner,

why can't I go to my room without dinner, too?"

Fred, you've got to tell me, now --

was doc always the first in his class

the way he keeps telling everybody he was?

The only time Adam was first in his class

was the day that pop dropped him off to school an hour early.

Come on, you know I was valedictorian in my class.

I was chosen valedictorian in my class

because I was the only one who could spell it.

He doesn't mean he could spell "valedictorian,"

he means "class."

Well, of course.

Hey, Fred -- hey, Fred?

Do you want to steer this ship?

You're kidding me.

Captain's a pal of mine. Huh?

Well, sure.

Follow me if you can keep up. Come on.

Come on.

Good morning, Mr. Scott.

Hello, miss Parker.

You left before I woke up.

Yeah, I wanted to freshen up.

Well, why didn't you come back after you changed?

Where'd you disappear to?

Well, I did some writing. I like to write in the mornings.

Me too. In fact,

i edited the first chapter of your book while I was waiting for you.

It's very good.

Thank you.

You're a fast worker.

So are you.

So...what are we gonna do today?

Well, uh, I thought I would check out the ship a bit,

uh, do some more writing, and maybe see you later.

Maybe see me later?

Yeah.

Well, Michael, what about last night?

Last night was terrific,

but what's that got to do with today?

Didn't it mean anything to you?

Sure it did. It meant a lot, and I like you a lot.

But that doesn't mean we have to spend

every second of the day together.

Well, it obviously didn't mean the same thing to you

as it did to me.

To me, it was something special and beautiful,

like I always dreamt it would be.

Emily, you're acting like

this was the first time you ever slept with a man.

It was.

Now that you're better,

let's just enjoy the rest of the cruise.

Easy for you to say.

You didn't have to suffer through that awful flu.

I wouldn't say that.

Anytime you suffer, I suffer for you, dear.

Hi, Zeke. What can I get you?

A new mouth.

This one always keeps saying the wrong things.

Having problems with the missus, huh?

You got it. How'd you know?

Oh, the usual way -- the long face, the sullen look,

and the fact that this is the first time you two

haven't been together on the cruise.

Bartender?

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's funny.

This guy just signed your name on his tab.

I wouldn't worry, Isaac.

There's probably two Van burens onboard.

In the same cabin?

Oh.

Hi, gopher?

Yeah, do we have two Mr. and Mrs. Van burens

registered on the passenger list?

I didn't think so.

No, some guy just tried to run

the old slink-a-drink scam on us.

Yeah. Okay, thanks.

Isaac, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna report them to the captain.

Oh, I-I wouldn't do that.

Of course you wouldn't.

But I would, because you're too nice a guy

for me to let someone like that take advantage of you.

Captain?

Yeah.

Emily?

Emily...hi.

We have nothing to say to each other.

How about "I'm sorry"?

Emily, how was I supposed to know you were a virgin?

I never met one before. Why didn't you tell me?

What am I supposed to do, Michael, wear a badge?

You know, you're just like everybody else these days.

It was just casual sex to you.

Loving and caring don't mean anything anymore.

Wait a minute. This has nothing to do with my values.

It's yours that are mid-victorian.

A kiss meant you were engaged.

And if a man and woman should sleep together,

why, that meant they were married.

You sound like my grandmother.

Yeah? Well, you sound like a little boy

who's got a lot of growing up to do.

[ Light music playing ]

Hi.

Feel like some company?

It depends upon who's asking --

my husband or Mr. Van buren.

Zelda, I know you're upset,

and you've got a right to be,

but believe me, I never meant to hurt anyone, especially you.

I believe that, Zeke.

But ever since we've been on this cruise,

you act as if life is just one big game,

and nobody wins but you.

Is that what you think?

Honey, the only reason I went through with this charade

was to make you happy.

When we got married, I...

I promised you'd have the best of everything.

[ Sighs ]

Well, I haven't been able to give you all I wanted to.

So when I saw a chance for us to really live it up for once,

i...guess I just got a little carried away.

But if I did...

It's only because I love you.

Oh, Zeke...

I love you, too.

But that doesn't change anything.

I still feel the same way.

[ Chuckles ] I know.

I give you my word --

if we can just get through the rest of this trip,

I'll never try to freeload again.

We'll make it somehow.

Emily!

Is anything wrong?

Aw, I'm just having some romantic problems.

Oh, gee, and you write all those wonderful love stories.

I may know how to write 'em,

but I sure don't know how to live 'em.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Here's...to finding the wonderful brother

I thought I'd lost forever.

[ Voice breaking ] Adam, you must forgive me...

I'm just suddenly not feeling well.

Hey, Nancy, wait a minute. I am a doctor, you know.

Adam, just sit down. I'm fine, honestly.

I mean, I just don't feel so hot, but I'm not sick.

You know, I'm just going to go back to our cabin

and lie down for -- excuse me.

Fred, should I go after her?

No.

Uh, no. She'll be fine. Sit.

Well, okay.

Anyway, here's to finding the wonderful brother

I've always --

Adam, uh, maybe I'd better go check on her.

I'll be right back,

or else I'll see you in the morning.

Here's to finding the wonderful brother who'll be right back,

or else who I'll see in the morning...

Or something.

Hello, Emily.

Goodbye, Michael.

Now, wait, wait. Don't -- don't go away again.

I-i-I've written something, and I'd like to read it to you.

I want to know how you feel about it.

Look, Michael, my editing days are over.

Why don't we just leave well enough alone

and forget the whole thing, okay?

No, it's not okay. You said you'd help me with my writing.

I'm gonna hold you to that promise.

Oh, I don't believe you.

Now, listen to this.

"He'd never felt this way before.

"He'd experienced something with her

"he never dreamed existed, and it was so simple.

"All it was...

"Was loving and caring for someone,

"wanting to share with her,

"give to her.

"He wanted to be with her always.

"'I love you,' he said,

and there were tears in his eyes when he said it."

It's beautiful, Michael.

I'm glad you like it.

In fact, it may be the nicest thing you've ever written.

It'll make a wonderful book.

No, uh, uh, this... This isn't a book.

I...wrote this about you.

[ Sighs ] I felt the same way you did this morning.

I-I was just afraid.

Okay, it might have been your first time,

but it was a first for me, too.

It was the first time I ever felt this way about anybody.

I love you, Emily.

Nancy?

Yes?

Hi, honey.

What's the matter?

Someone from the ship's office called.

So what's so terrible about that?

Unless they called to tell us we're sinking.

No.

They called because they wanted information about Danny.

Why would the ship's office want information about Danny?

Apparently because your rich brother,

the brother who's rolling in money, according to you,

has applied for a loan to send your son through college.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

You're kidding.

You're kidding your own brother.

Honey, look, I've got a brother

who's been married a lot of times,

so maybe he has to pay a lot of alimony.

Anyway, they wouldn't even give him a loan

unless they're sure he could pay it back.

It's the wealthy people

who make all of the loans from banks for tax purposes

and things like that.

It's the poor people like us

who are afraid to ask the banks for anything.

It's true.

Zeke, there's something else you have to take care of.

That's the business with Isaac.

I was thinking of the same thing.

I'll go and talk to him

and make some arrangements to pay him back.

That's the Zeke I love.

Pardon me. I'm -- I'm sorry.

I'm terribly sorry about this mix-up.

Isaac, if these are the real Van burens,

then somewhere on this ship, there are two imposters.

Zeke and Zelda?

I can't believe it. They're such charming people.

But they're stowaways,

and even charming stowaways cannot be excused.

I'm afraid they will have to pay the Piper.

Knowing them, they'll probably just sign his tab.

Zelda...

Uh-oh. What happened?

Forget it. It's too late.

I guess the show is over early, huh?

Excuse me.

It is.

Maybe -- maybe not. Maybe not.

Uh...

Do you -- do you guys know, uh, "for me and my gal"?

You do? Hit it, please.

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

♪ The bells are ringin' ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ the birds are singin' ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ everybody's been knowin' ♪

♪ to a wedding they're goin' ♪

♪ and for weeks they've been sewin', ♪

♪ every susie and sal ♪

♪ they're congregating ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ the captain's waiting ♪

♪ for you and your gal ♪

♪ and sometime we're gonna build a little home for two ♪

♪ or three or four or more ♪

♪ in loveland ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

[ Instrumental solos ]

[ Applause ]

♪ And sometime we're gonna build a little home for two ♪

♪ or three or four or more ♪

♪ in loveland ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

[ Applause ]

[ Laughing ]

I'm sorry.

That's okay, Zeke.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

You know, it's been over 30 years

since we've done that number.

Yeah, she's right.

And we would especially like to thank captain stubing,

this gentleman here,

a man with a heart of gold.

[ Applause ]

Not only -- not only was he generous enough

to let us perform for you tonight,

but he also invited us to travel free

as guests of the cruise line.

So let's, uh -- let's hear it for the captain.

Let's hear it, folks. Come on.

One of the greatest captains in the whole world!

For the captain.

That's it, take a bow.

Take another bow.

One of the great captains.

You're dynamite.

Dynamite.

[ Applause continues ]

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, boy.

Mm...be right there.

Hold on.

Oh, gee.

Fred. Is Nancy all right?

Oh, she's fine.

Can I come in?

Yeah. Please come in.

Oh, boy, what time is it?

It's 4:00 in the morning.

I couldn't sleep.

That's funny. I could.

Adam, I've got to talk to you.

Yeah. You want to sit down, Fred?

No, no.

Sit?

W-What's the trouble?

The trouble is me.

First of all...

I just want to tell you that the last two days,

being with you...

Have been the greatest days of my life.

They've been two great days for me, too, Fred.

I know.

That's why I feel so ashamed of myself.

I've been playing you for a sucker.

What?

I wanted you to pay for sending my son through college

because I thought that you and pop cheated me

by sending you to college and not me.

I know.

You knew all this time that I resented your going to college?

Oh, Fred, if your only brother won't talk to you for 20 years,

it begins to sink in something's wrong.

The truth is...

I thought I wasn't a success in my life,

and I wanted somebody to blame it on.

And you were the closest one.

I just hope you'll always let me be one of the closest ones.

[ Voice breaking ] You are, Adam.

And I love you for wanting to do it,

but I'll send my own son through college.

Mr. and Mrs. Van buren, allow me to apologize again

for the inconvenience we've caused you.

Oh, that's quite all right.

At least the sea air cleared up my cold.

[ Sneezes ]

Oh, am I going to have to put up with that

all the way home?

Sorry, dear.

Well, miss Parker, did you ever finish reading that book?

No, gopher, I didn't have time.

But I did start something much better.

Looks like you were able to patch things up after all.

Our story had one or two rocky scenes,

but, uh, we decided to try a rewrite.

And this version has a very happy ending.

Well, good luck to you guys.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

So long.

Skipper?

Yes?

Captain, uh, we're awfully sorry

we pulled that fast one on you last night.

We had no right to do it.

And, Isaac, we owe you an apology, too.

And we're willing to accept the consequences

for everything we've done.

I'm afraid it's out of my hands.

I've already sent my recommendation

to the cruise line.

I've decided to go along with Isaac's suggestion

that you two should be booked...

As a regular act on one of our ships.

You -- you mean you want us to work again?

You don't think we'd let an act like yours slip away, do you?

No...no, we --

oh...oh, Zeke, ain't it wonderful?

It's terrific.

I-I don't know what to say, captain.

I really -- we owe you so much.

Don't worry.

We'll just take it out of your first paycheck.

[ Both laugh ]

Bye.

Thank you. Thank you.

Adam, I can't tell you how happy I am

that you and Fred have made up --

I mean really made up.

I'm happy, too, Nancy.

The first chance I get, I want to meet my look-alike nephew.

I want him to meet you, too,

because I'm proud of both of you, Adam.

You know, it just occurred to me --

because I've been so jealous before,

I have never called you doctor.

So goodbye, doctor.

I usually like to maintain my professional dignity,

but...since you are my brother,

call me "doc."

So long, doc.