Original subtitles

♪ Love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard it's love ♪

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Mrs. Johnson, and this is my sister, miss larabee.

Hello, welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Oh, yes, you're in the promenade suite, cabin 342.

Oh, is that a nice one?

It's the most luxurious suite we have.

[Agnes] Ah, well, that ought to be nice enough!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Forgive me, but I can't help but admire your taste in luggage.

Oh. Thank you. Why, it's the same as yours.

I know. That's why I admired it. [Laughs]

May I introduce myself? I'm Henry whitewood.

Well, I'm Gladys Johnson, and this is my sister, Agnes larabee.

How do you do?

Miss larabee. I'm Mrs., but a widow.

May I atone for the collision

by offering you champagne after we sail?

Oh, I'd love to-- I, I mean, we'd like that very much.

Splendid, I'll see you later.

Oh. Well, there can't be any harm in it.

I mean, he seems like a perfect gentleman.

Well let's look at it positively,

the sea air may be able to cure him.

Hi, we're the vitellis. With a "v."

Uh... vitelli.

Here we are, fiesta deck, 283.

Thank you. Would you believe

that exactly 20 years ago tomorrow night

we met and were married on a ship just like this?

Really? What ship was it?

The Titanic.

Stop, Tony. This is going to be so romantic!

Everything to her is romantic.

On the way here, the taxi was sideswiped,

she thought that was romantic.

Our kids got us these tickets

so we would have a romantic cruise,

and that's what we're gonna have.

Me, I hope we have some fun instead.

Oh, whoa, slow down. Why the suit? Who died?

Nobody, I had to go into town to see the dentist,

my tooth was killing me.

Listen, has Patty Phelps checked in yet?

Patty Phelps?

Yeah, she works in the flower shop in the terminal.

She is so beautiful.

I can't think straight whenever I run into her.

All I can do is, well, talk silly.

Real silly.

Which gets nobody nowhere.

So I've been trying to sell her on a cruise.

And she finally agreed.

Now, maybe she can get to know me better.

And to know you is to love you.

Or somethin'. Oh, there she is.

Oh, this is gonna be a real cozy cruise.

Patty.

Oh, Isaac.

I almost didn't recognize you without your uniform.

Oh, I had to change into this because my tooth hurt.

[Laughs]

Um...

Allow me. Please. I'm Brandon ames.

Thank you very much, but we're-- ames? Yes!

The ucla track team, wasn't it? About five years ago.

You mean you actually came to the meets?

How on earth did I miss you?

Oh, my goodness.

I'll see you later, Isaac.

Well, you were right, it is going to be a real cozy cruise.

For the three of you.

[Ship horn blowing]

Most pleasant, a welcome change from English weather.

Oh, I like English weather.

Oh, you've visited?

Oh, just once. Devon. I loved it.

Do you know that we actually stood right on Plymouth hoe

on the headland where sir Francis Drake

first sighted the sails and banners of the Spanish armada.

It was thrilling.

Agnes gets carried away sometimes.

Not at all, it's most refreshing.

Especially these days when people tend to mask their emotions.

I trust that the champagne is of satisfactory quality for the Earl of dunsbury?

Isaac.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.

It's fine, thank you.

Did he say "Earl"?

Yes, I'm sorry about that.

I told Isaac not to say anything.

Do you actually have a title?

Totally through the deeds of my ancestors.

One of whom stood with Drake and lord Howard

on that very headland you visited.

Then put to sea in her majesty's good ship ark royal

to face the armed might of the Spanish armada.

Oh, how wonderful.

However, this is a different world.

And I'd be most pleased if you would call Henry.

Henry it is.

Oh, I say, I'm terribly sorry, I have a call to make

to england. My son, you know.

May I look forward to the pleasure of your company

at dinner this evening?

Oh, that would be lovely.

Fine.

Oh, Gladys!

Slow down.

He may be a total phony.

But you heard him.

One of his ancestors actually

sailed against the armada in the ark royal.

Let's check with the captain

to make sure it wasn't the good ship lollipop.

Mr. and Mrs. Vitelli?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

Oh, hi, Julie.

Dr. Bricker told me that this is your 20th wedding anniversary.

That's right!

It gave us an idea.

We thought you might like to have a wedding ceremony.

If you're also the house detective, Rose and I are already married.

I know, but couples sometimes like to go through the ceremony again on their anniversary.

I'm sure the captain would love to officiate.

You put her up to this.

I did not put her up to it.

Listen, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Tell the captain yes.

Tell him no. Forget it, Rosie.

I'd feel silly.

Tony, just once I want to do something

only because I want to do it, okay?

And I would love to do the ceremony again.

So tell the captain yes.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it, Mr. Vitelli.

But we're already married. Who needs reruns?

It would be so romantic.

Make up your mind, you want romance or marriage?

Tell the captain yes.

Okay.

Rose...

If I sell our coin collection,

will you go see a psychiatrist?

Oh! There she is, and Mr. Dynamite nowhere in sight.

All right. Get in there, killer.

Right.

But nothing silly.

Right.

Hi, Patty.

Uh... can I get you something to drink?

Sure.

What looks good at the bar?

Me, I just got a haircut.

Same old Isaac, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I'll settle for a ginger ale.

Great idea.

Hey, you got a big laugh out there.

I couldn't-- listen--

doing the funnies again or what?

I couldn't help it, this dumb joke just popped out.

I was going right--

[lively music]

Do you hear music?

Yep. No. It's gone now.

But it sort of sounded as if it was coming from inside my head.

Is this another routine?

No, honest.

Probably just a band rehearsing or something.

Well, come on! Back to beautiful.

Mm!

Yeah.

Hi, Patty, here's your ginger ale.

You know, uh... We're having a dance tonight

and there's this really great orchestra,

and I thought that, well, you know--

[lively music]

Do you hear that music?

You're making it! [Laughs] Oh, Isaac.

Well, hello.

Oh, Brandon,

you want to hear the funniest thing?

Isaac can imitate a whole orchestra.

Go ahead, do it for him.

Oh, come on!

Some other time.

[Music starts, stops]

[Music starts, stops]

Did you speak to the captain?

Henry is legit.

He's a widower, one grown son, and he is a real Earl.

[Screams] Oh, I knew it!

I know, aggie. Now, about dinner. Why don't just the two of you--

oh, no, you don't. That's sweet of you, Gladys,

but I'm not going to let you do it.

Now, we agreed to spend mother's insurance

and have a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, together,

and we're gonna have it together.

Besides, I wouldn't even enjoy myself knowing you were sitting alone.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Mrs. Johnson, this is gopher.

Well, hello there, tiger.

Uh, no, not tiger, gopher. A much smaller animal.

[Laughs] Seriously, we found your suitcase that was mislaid.

You're a persistent little devil.

What are you doing on this ship anyway?

Well, ma'am, I seldom leave it,

especially when we're this far out in the ocean.

Why don't I just send it down to you. Okay?

Tonight? Well, you know that I am with my sister.

What? [Laughs]

Would you stop that?

What cabin? I'll call you back.

Who was that?

Oh, that was gopher. About, about some luggage.

Gladys... come on now, tell me.

All right. I met this man, you know, at my lawyer's.

He is so handsome, but he's such a scamp.

Oh!

Anyway, I ran into him when I was talking to the captain.

And he wants to see you.

Well--

oh, you sly puss, that's why you wanted me to be with Henry.

Well, it's perfect, we can have dinner together, all four us.

What he has in mind was dinner alone...

In his cabin.

Dinner alone?

In his cabin?

I don't think I should.

Gladys Johnson, this is your sister, Agnes, talking.

Now, did I ever steer you wrong?

It's later than you think. Go for it.

Can you believe it!

Our first day aboard,

and already each of us has a handsome man.

Hey. This is gonna be a cruise to remember!

Music... From inside your head?

It's not my imagination, doc,

other people have heard it too.

Yeah, but in all my experience,

I've never run across...

Wait a minute. Have you had any dental work done recently?

Yeah, just this morning. How'd you know?

A new filling? Silver?

Uh-huh.

I'll tell you what, I read somewhere

that occasionally the crystalline structure of a filling

vibrates in sympathy with radio waves.

That could account for it.

I'll just see something.

Yeah, you might just have a case of radio mouth.

[Mumbles] Radio mouth?

It's possible.

But it's a one in a billion chance.

That's me, one in a billion Isaac.

My tooth is now a radio receiver?

Well, it can't hurt you.

That's what you think. Doc, there is this very fine,

foxy lady who I'm trying to get serious with.

I sure can't do that with a mouth full of led zeppelin.

Well, maybe it stopped.

I don't hear anything.

It comes and it goes, always at the wrong time.

Uh, wait a minute...

[Radio noise]

I'm getting something...

...late night and early morning clouds.

And now turning to the kbex wall street report.

If the general upward trend--

financial news.

...some selected stocks. Newport Strauss is down five...

Newport Strauss is down five.

What am I gonna do?

Sell.

But look, there is nothing you can do till you get back to your dentist.

What a time for me to turn into a freak.

Wait a minute. I recognize that announcer.

That's the San Diego station. They go off the air at midnight.

Midnight, huh?

Can you wait till then?

Yeah.

But the question is... Will she?

And tell doc if he has time,

I need a best man for a wedding ceremony.

Yes.

Nine o'clock, my office.

Right, sir. Okay.

My, my, don't you ladies look lovely?

Mm, mm, mm.

Oh, thank you, captain.

[Laughs]

He's right.

You look absolutely marvelous.

You look like a duchess.

[Laughs] But I don't feel right wearing your pearls.

Well, there's no sense in my wearing them

because the guy I'll be with would just bite them off.

[Agnes laughs]

You stay out just as late as you want, 'cause I'll be even later.

I'm going to have a real fun night!

Oh!

Good evening, ladies.

Oh, hello, Henry.

How fortunate I am to have such twin aphrodites.

[Laughs]

My word. I've never seen more magnificent pearls.

Oh, thank you. I mean, Agnes has superb taste.

Well, shall we?

Without me, I'm afraid.

I had forgot I had a previous commitment.

Oh, I am sorry.

Well, perhaps we'll see you later.

Have a good time.

[Clears throat]

Excuse me?

Yes?

What's playing at the movies tonight?

Uh... it's an educational film on the life of the elephant seal.

Is it this way?

Yes, ma'am.

I'm going over there and I'm gonna dance with her,

because the orchestra's playing loud enough to drown out my filling.

Don't chance it.

I gotta make some kind of move.

Don't--

may I?

[Sighs] Momentarily.

Well, no jokes?

[Band stops playing]

[Orchestral music]

Don't you ever stop clowning?

May I reclaim you now?

Being a one-man band may be funny to you,

but I don't like being embarrassed.

It's not what you think, honest.

Can I talk to you on deck after the dance?

[Sighs] What, more jokes?

No. It's very important.

Please?

Well, all right.

Henny youngman blew it again, huh?

No, goph, it's gonna be all right.

She promised to meet me on deck after the dance.

And when San Diego goes off,

the charming Isaac Washington is gonna come on!

...let him speak now or forever hold his peace.

Do you, Rose, take Anthony to be your lawful wedded husband,

to love, honor and obey?

Obey?

No.

What?

Love and honor, yes.

But obey? Nah.

Rose, what is this?

Look, the word "obey" isn't necessary.

We don't need it.

But you said it last time.

Captain, start over with the "do you take" stuff. Rosie made a mistake.

Uh, captain, no, there's no mistake.

Look, why don't you just say, "love, honor and respect"?

Very well.

[Tony] Hold it! Hold it!

It's not supposed to be "respect."

[Rose] I'm not gonna say "obey."

They are leaving it out of a lot of ceremonies these days.

Hey!

Then again, they're leaving it in a lot too.

I'm not saying "obey."

Yes, you are.

I'm not.

You better if you know what's good for you.

Don't talk to me--

I'm talking to you right now!

I think you're both pretty excited, maybe if you just talk it over--

i don't have to talk over nothing. No "obey," no wedding.

No wedding?

[Rose] Okay, we'll have it the way you want.

No wedding. No nothing.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means it's over.

I want a divorce!

Good evening, Mrs. Johnson.

Hi, Julie. Sit down.

Thank you.

I'll tell you all you want to know but were afraid to ask

about the mating habits of the elephant seal.

Are you all right?

Oh, I'm tired.

But I can't go to bed until after my sister does.

Oh, I see. No I don't.

I have had a lovely marriage.

But Agnes has never had anything.

She spent her whole life looking after mother.

That's finally over.

And now, sweet Providence has rewarded her

with her first love.

Aw!

So I just want to do everything I can to keep the romance going.

Of course!

There they are! [Gasps] She mustn't see me.

[Agnes] So your son doesn't live with you?

No, no, he prefers London.

He's a fine boy.

Struggling scholar.

He's going to be a teacher.

Oh!

Good evening, Julie, any chance for a refill?

Oh, gee, the bartender will be back any minute.

Oh, guacamole, I love it.

Well, perhaps we can find another bar.

Oh, no, no more for me, one Brandy's my limit.

Oh, now, that hardly seems civilized.

[Agnes] Well, it takes away my inhibitions,

so it's better I stop with this.

One is enough.

Well, you know, that's the way it is with Brandy,

it always looks like more because of the shape of the glass.

Well, tell me more about your home in england.

Pemberly grange, it's been in the family for over four centuries.

Ever since Charles I knighted the first Earl of dunsbury.

But, um, it's not a large estate, but it's, it's very lovely.

The main house is set away from the Lane, and...

And there are hedges and lawns and dogs.

Horses.

Oh, it sounds like heaven.

Well, it is, except for one thing. I...

I've been a very lonely man... Until now.

Oh, Henry.

Oh, darling.

[Clatters]

[Groans]

Now, don't worry about that.

I'll take care of that, yes.

Listen, why don't you two go to the lounge?

I'm sure that that other bar is open, okay?

Don't worry about this.

I'm so sorry.

Don't worry about it.

[Agnes] Oh, that was so awful.

Gladys.

How did she do? I couldn't hear it all.

After "Henry, darling," I got a little guacamole in my ear.

Rose, Rose, I've been looking all over for you.

Rose, I'm talking to you!

Pardon me, I don't talk to strangers.

What are you doing?

Packing.

Packing? Where are you moving to?

We're on a ship.

I'm not moving anywhere. You are.

You said the marriage was off, right?

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah.

See, I am not in the habit of sharing cabins with single men.

I'm no tootsie.

Come on, this is crazy.

Why don't you say, "obey", huh?

Hey, hey, I've come a long way, baby.

Now you're doing commercials.

I blame this on marlo Thomas.

Marlo Thomas?

I caught you watching her on merv Griffin.

This women's equality stuff's got you wacko.

Women are not equal.

I hope not.

Because if women are only equal to you, I don't want to be one!

What do you expect me to do with this?

Practice loving, honoring and respecting it, huh!

Hey, hey, come on, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey.

Okay, cinderella, midnight.

Tooth is off the air.

Yeah, I know.

They just finished playing "the star-spangled banner."

All right, hey, I'll see you in the morning.

Uh... can you set that for a wake-up alarm?

[Footsteps approach]

[Knocking]

Hi.

Hi.

Thanks for showing up, this means a awful lot to me.

Oh?

Yeah, there's so much I want to tell you.

Like, you know, how I always buy flowers from you

whenever we're in port?

Mm-hmm.

For my aunt?

Well, I don't have an aunt.

Oh, you devil, they're for your girl?

No. From my girl.

And I'm not joking.

And you know how I left you those cruise brochures?

Oh, yeah, after reading them, I just had to buy a ticket.

Well, aren't you starting to get a message?

Was there supposed to be a message?

Oh, there sure was.

Tell me... I'd love to hear.

The message is simply this--

[morse code]

Why don't you just put a funny lampshade on your head?

And leave me alone!

[Morse code continues]

[Julie on pa] Ladies and gentlemen, our fun tour of acapulco

will leave the dock area in 15 minutes.

You know, I'm really worried about Gladys,

that new boyfriend of hers is rather strange.

You know, this morning her bed was full of guacamole.

Oh, my. What?

I told her to forget about him,

that you and I would take her

on the acapulco tour with us.

Sure.

Dear Agnes, tiger boy and I left early.

Went into town on our own.

Love, Gladys.

Thank you.

Oh, tiger, stop. You mustn't!

[Giggles, squeals]

You're just all animal, aren't you?

Oh! Ah! [Indistinct]

Oh, hi... you just should go on without us because...

We've made other... plans!

Isometrics.

What'll we do?

I wouldn't worry, my dear.

She seems quite content.

But, uh... I believe that a tour

of the old Spanish churchyard

would be of secondary interest to them.

Hey, Isaac, come here.

Could you find a dentist ashore?

Three of 'em.

And they all said the same thing.

"No es necesario."

"Not necessary."

That's what they said...

Right after they finished with a lot of heavy Spanish laughter.

They didn't believe me. The radio in the filling never made a peep.

Now look, you won't pick up any radio signals till this evening,

so why not go after your foxy lady now?

Oh, let's see, that gives me four hours to live,

and then I start spouting "ring around the collar" commercials again.

[Julie on pa] We hope you enjoyed your stay in acapulco.

Our next stop is the port of Los Angeles.

I tried to explain to Tony.

I said it's not necessary for me to say the word "obey."

What's important is that we respect each other.

What did he say to that?

He said, "I'd respect you more if you obeyed."

You really miss him, don't you?

Half the time he drives me crazy,

and the other half of the time I want to kill him.

But he's warm, sweet, comfortable, you know, like an old slipper.

Tell him that.

No, I know my husband, Julie.

Tony would never let me forget that I begged him to come back.

This time he's gonna have to meet me halfway.

Think he's gonna do that?

I don't know.

I saw him earlier up at the pool,

with all those young girls.

He seemed to like it. A lot.

I don't understand why we haven't met this gentleman friend of yours.

Well, he's very shy.

Shy?

[Laughing]

Look, all I want to do is say hello

and take one quick look at him.

And I'm not gonna leave you alone until I do.

I mean it.

Oh, all right.

He said he would be out here on the deck someplace.

I'll go find him.

Good.

Uh, excuse me?

Yeah?

Could you do me a very great favor?

What sort of favor?

Well, uh, I was trying to learn to play shuffleboard,

and I just, you know, can't seem to get the knack of it.

Could you just give me a minute to...

Sure, sure, sure, be glad to.

Oh, excuse me, this is my sister, Agnes.

It's nice to meet you.

How do you do?

And this is Henry whitewood.

How do you do?

Excuse us--

Henry white... yes, you're the Earl of dunsbury.

The captain told me you were aboard. It's a real pleasure.

I'm father Brendan Riley of the Mexican mission.

Father Riley?

It's a reformed mission.

Gladys Johnson with father Riley?

In a bed full of guacamole?

[Both laugh]

They took the banners out.

[Laughs]

You head over there, I'll be right back.

Promise?

I promise.

Okay, now's your chance. Go ahead.

How can I get a girl to feel romantic when the sun is shining?

It's been done. Why do you think there are so many eskimos?

Anyway, listen, did you send her the candy and the flowers?

Yeah.

Then go nail it down. But no jokes.

You're not Milton berle, you're pitiful Pearl. Now, come on.

Hi.

Oh. Hi.

Did you get my flowers?

It was quite a surprise.

They didn't explode.

I haven't tried the candy yet,

but I suppose it's full of hot peppers.

Oh, come on, Patty, I can explain if you just give me a chance.

Please, I don't want you to think I'm just interested in playing jokes.

See, I got a filling in here, and once--

oh, Isaac, what else can I think?

Come on, follow her. The important thing is to keep talking.

[Announcer] Hoy presentamos El capítulo "las vacaciones De pepito."

That's not bad, but you'll have better luck with her

if you speak English.

That wasn't me.

[Announcer continues in Spanish]

It's probably a Mexican station on the same frequency.

All right, don't worry.

I'll take care of it.

Thank you.

[Spanish stops]

[Resumes, stops]

[Resumes]

Good evening.

Hi, Henry.

Agnes will be here in a minute.

Yes, well, I'm delighted you could join us for dinner.

But I'm sorry to take you away from the good father tiger Riley.

Oh, no, I should apologize to you about my crazy shenanigans.

I understand.

You love your sister very much.

A feeling we both share.

It's a dream come true.

A life with someone I care for dearly,

and a chance to restore pemberly grange.

Restore?

Oh, yes, the estate is quite run down.

As a matter of fact, I thought I'd have to sell some of the land to pay back taxes.

But now I can fulfill my trust and it can all remain intact

as a legacy to my son.

I know Agnes will Cherish it as I do.

And I promise you her money will be well spent.

Her money?

Oh, Henry, Agnes doesn't have any money.

I beg your pardon?

Neither of us has.

This cruise is just one big splurge

on, on the insurance money that our mother left us.

I, I see. Uh...

I assumed...

Well, it's my fault entirely.

I have been so obsessed with my duties and I...

Please believe me, I am not a fortune hunter.

But I, I vowed if I married again it would be

to a lady of means that would help me save dunsbury.

You haven't actually...

Proposed to her?

Perhaps that's just as well.

She would soon find out that marriage to her had destroyed your plans

and that would also destroy her.

But life without her, I...

My dear Agnes...

Would you apologize about dinner?

I, I don't think I'm up to it.

Gladys, I have a feeling tonight's the night. [Giggles]

Can you imagine me lady dunsbury?

It's just like our gal Sunday, remember?

And lord Henry brinthrope, england's richest and handsomest bachelor.

Agnes, uh... Henry can't make dinner,

so it's just you and me.

Oh, well, he probably has to call his son.

He usually does about this time.

Oh, Gladys, I never thought life could be so wonderful.

[Upbeat pop music]

I hope your plan works, doc.

You really think it'll send Anthony back to his wife?

Oh, believe me, total exhaustion is the best cure for playboyitis.

I'll send in some fresh troops to finish him off.

[Ends]

[Applause]

Nice work. You're going great.

All the chicks want to dance with me.

That last one, she was only 19.

Nineteen! I got ties older than that.

You want to go for an older women?

There's a 20-year-old panting in your direction.

I gotta get some air.

Oh, you can't quit now, the night's young.

Yeah, but my feet ain't.

[Upbeat pop music]

How long can he keep going?

Only his cardiologist knows for sure.

He's gone! It worked! He couldn't keep up and ran off.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another job for some other little darlings.

Oh, a doctor's life, busy, busy, busy.

I don't think you'll have any more trouble, Mrs. Vitelli.

Anthony's gone. He's probably scouring the ship for you right now.

But suppose he just went down to his cabin

and took one of the girls with him?

Hope you're feeling better, okay?

How is he?

Oh, he's really down.

He even got another bartender to take his shift.

He had his heart set on being with Patty this cruise.

Well, be of good cheer, kindly Dr. Bricker

has come up with a wonder drug to cure him.

Uh, doc, I don't think a wonder drug is what we need here--

don't say till you see.

Okay, girls.

Wait here.

Oh, friend, you're looking at this thing all backwards.

A musical tooth is not a liability, it's a big plus.

Not to Patty.

Oh, there are plenty of other fish in the sea,

including some remarkably great wigglers.

Oh, I'm not interested.

And when I told them about your

talented mariachi molars,

they went crazy and insisted on hearing for themselves.

[Women giggle]

You've got to get real close to him to hear it.

[Music playing]

[Women giggle]

Excuse me, which is Isaac's cabin?

Oh, there it is.

Yeah, but he's not feeling well. He's really sick.

Yeah, the other bartender told me.

Oh, poor guy, you know, I really haven't been very fair to him.

Well, the least I can do is try and cheer him up.

Oh, you don't have to do that!

[Women giggling]

Oh. Well, excuse me. I thought you might be lonely.

Obviously, I was mistaken.

Hey, doc, you know that wonder drug you prescribed?

I think you just killed the patient.

Is that you, Tony?

Hi.

Oh, hi, Rose.

I thought sure you'd be at the dance.

I was just on my way.

[Groans]

I'd go, but I only like the real slow dances.

You remember.

Yeah, I remember.

Well, listen, enjoy, enjoy.

Okay. You don't have to say "obey."

You mean it?

Yeah.

So we can have the ceremony.

Why?

Tony, if you could say to me what you just said, who needs ceremonies?

Look, we both lost our temper.

Let's forget about it and just be together again, huh?

Good idea.

I mean, two people shouldn't

throw 20 years away just because

one of them was a little stubborn and wouldn't say "obey."

[Both laugh]

Tony?

Yeah?

You love me?

[Laughs]

What kind of question is that?

It's a question!

For 20 years we shared the same bed, raised four children,

been together through good times, bad times,

all kinda times, and now, you're asking me do I love you?

Yeah, that's what I'm asking. Do you love me?

I guess I do love you.

Hey, hey.

I love you too.

How about that?

How about that?

We're romantic.

[Laughs] Yeah.

Happy anniversary, Rose.

Happy anniversary, Tony.

What is it, honey?

Honey, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?

No, no, no, it goes away. Then it comes back.

You wrote her a letter?

Yeah, I told her there was never anything between us,

and I have another girl anyway that I'm engaged to.

So it's finito for sure.

Why would you do a thing like that?

Pride, I guess.

Plus, writing it helped me

get used to the idea of losing her.

So there's nothing more you can do, goph,

why don't you go on to the dance without me?

Okay.

[Patty] I, i'm, sorry, Brandon.

I... oh, I don't know, I guess I lost the party mood.

Well, if it was the crowd that bothered you,

we can continue without them.

I'm just tuckered out. We didn't miss a rumba.

Oh, we haven't tangoed yet.

Brandon, now, be nice.

That's what I'm trying to be.

Now, go away.

We've had fun, let's leave it at that.

I could think of a better way to leave it.

Brandon! Now, stop it!

Brandon, please!

Okay, you heard her!

[Brandon] Hey, Isaac, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

If you don't count the broken jaw, I'm fine.

I think that you've done just about enough.

So, Mr. Track star, get running.

Patty, I didn't mean to--

good night!

Is everything all right?

My filling. He knocked out my filling.

Oh, that's terrible!

No, that's great!

Look, I think you should put some ice on that tooth.

Come into my cabin.

That's even greater.

You know, now maybe I'll get a chance to tell you

what I've been trying to tell you for days.

Yeah, maybe you will.

[Isaac] You know, they say that Brandy also does wonders for a tooth.

Well, I guess Henry must have had some packing to do.

I suppose.

Oh, neither one of us really took it seriously.

It was just a love boat romance.

There'll be other men.

Oh, well, of course.

I mean, wasn't I silly, anyway, thinking I was gonna be lady dunsbury.

[Laughs]

We'll both look back on this and have a good laugh.

He was just being nice to me.

He really was so nice.

And I do love...

Hedges and lawns and dogs and horses.

We were just ships that passed in the night.

Like the Spanish armada.

Oh, aggie, just let it all out.

Oh, don't be silly, Gladys, there's nothing to let out.

I've practically forgotten him already.

Good evening, ladies.

Oh! Oh, hello, Henry.

Oh, I'm so glad you found us,

because I was afraid that we'd miss each other tomorrow,

and I wanted to thank you for such a lovely time.

Well, I've just been talking to my son.

It seems there may be a new lady of the manor at pemberly grange.

Oh, well, isn't that nice? Congratulations.

Well, that may be a bit premature.

You see, I haven't asked her yet.

I'm going to now.

Will you... Will you have me, Agnes?

I love you very much.

Henry--

my son and I also agreed to sell what land we can.

This will enable us to make the manor house comfortable

for its lovely new mistress.

New mistress.

It seems my boy is brighter than I am.

Uh, I thought we needed the land, but he said...

Having love again at pemberly grange is a more important legacy than land.

You, uh, you haven't answered my question, Agnes.

If you'll excuse me.

I'll go look for father Riley.

There may be a job in this for him.

Good night, milady.

Milady.

Oh, Henry, is it really possible?

I do hope your son likes me.

He's a whitewood, he can't do anything else.

Anyway it seems he's not all that much brighter than I am.

After all, I found you.

Oh!

Well, how you doing? You all right, Isaac?

You didn't lose a tooth, did you?

Oh, just a part of one.

But the tooth fairy left a little Brandy under my pillow for it.

Look at this, it's Isaac's filling,

I'm gonna hang this on a necklace.

Just think, once that could talk.

[High-pitched voice] You're terrific, Patty.

[Normal voice] Just a silly joke.

Sounds more like a paid political announcement.

Mm.

[Laughs]

Boy, I sure am glad you and Mrs. Vitelli got back together.

Well, I finally decided she doesn't have to obey me.

Respect is more important nowadays.

Good thinking.

Oh, excuse me.

Tony, I need ten bucks to tip the maid.

You got it.

Honey, and take this and get us a taxi,

and don't forget to thank the captain.

Thank the captain.

And when we get home, you know, I don't want you just running off,

'cause you promised to move the piano onto the sun porch,

and then I want to hang those terrific masks we bought in acapulco.

You got it, baby.

Okay, good.

Now if somebody could only fix it so I don't have to obey her.

I trust you enjoyed your cruise, Mr. Whitewood.

That, my dear captain, is the understatement of the year.

Then I hope we see you again.

Only if you take dogs and horses.

[All laugh]

Did she say, "dogs and horses"?

Oh, she can't hear you, sir.

She's got guacamole in her ears.

[All laugh]

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Thank you for sailing with us.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Guacamole?