Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

(birds chirping)

- So... How do you know this guy?

- He teaches yoga at one of the seniors homes I work at.

- And he has two wives?

- Anna, they're practicing ethical non-monogamy.

It's a beautiful thing.

- Couldn't we have just listened to a podcast on polyamory?

- C'mon! Co-Parenting apps aren't working.

We need to be inspired.

- By sister wives?

- We are so grateful for this moment

to share what we're about.

- The nuclear family has failed.

- Takes a village, right?

- I can tell you're a healer.

- Mm-hmm.

- I feel so seen.

- Oh.

- Hi.

(chuckling)

(sucking)

- Okay. You're popular.

- Mm-hmm. (chuckling)

(baby cooing)

(gasps) - Oh.

(inhales deeply)

- Mmm...

I can't get enough of this.

(speaking Spanish)

- What?

- Paco loves being a father.

- Being a dad is the greatest.

- You seem like a natural. - Well, if I could,

I would father 100 children.

(baby cooing)

- I thought that this would be so complicated,

but you all make it look... easy.

- It's a lot of talking things through.

- Sharing feelings. - Lots of going deep.

- Right...

- Making sure everyone's needs are met.

- I love getting my needs met.

- Hmm. (sighs)

- This home,

this vibe, it feels really good.

- We've been on some pretty bad co-parenting dates.

- We've been loafed. - What?

- She means "breadcrumbed." - Oh...

We were "cat-fisted." - She means "catfished."

- There were guys that just wanted threesomes.

- Not that I'm against threesomes.

- Anyhow, it's just, it's so great

to see people making an alternative family work.

- Well, we are very excited for you to take this step.

And we wanted to support you on your journey.

So...

- We have a surprise for you!

(inhaling sharply)

- Ooh... It's kind of warm.

- It's supposed to be warm. - I don't know if Coopy Gwyneth

made for it to be this warm.

(bowl dings)

- We were wondering

if you would like for us to do a sacred chant.

- It really helped us

with our preconception yoni steaming.

(guitar strumming, dinging)

- ♪ Welcome ♪ - ♪ Welcome ♪

(ding)

- ♪ Welcome ♪ - ♪ Welcome ♪

- ♪ To the spirit ♪ - ♪ Spirit ♪

♪ Of the womb ♪

- ♪ Welcome ♪ - ♪ Welcome ♪

- Is my yoni supposed to be this overheated?

- Shh. - I mean, it's really hot.

- It's just the pathways opening.

- I think my pathways are open enough.

- Okay.

(sighs, dinging)

- ♪ Welcome ♪ - ♪ Welcome ♪

(harmonizing "Welcome")

(heavy breathing)

- ♪ To the spirit... ♪ - Okay, it's really hot.

- ♪ Spirit ♪ - I'm burnt!

- Are you okay? - No, I'm burnt!

- She's burnt! - Is everything okay?

- My vagina is burnt.

- Your vagina is burnt?

- Is it bad? Check!

- Um...

- Will I ever be able to have sex again?

- It's pretty red.

- Oh, no! - And it's pretty big.

- Big? - I don't know.

- I mean, maybe it's swollen?

Or maybe you just have a big vagina.

- Yoni. - I'll have you know

that I've been told by everyone,

everyone I've slept with, that I have a tiny,

perfect, lime-tasting vagina.

(wives): Yoni. - Lime?

- It's because I'm plant-based.

- You had bacon at brunch this morning.

- Bacon doesn't count!

Ow, it really hurts.

- We have aloe.

- Oh, thanks.

- I can apply it. - Sure.

He... He can apply it.

(gasping in pain)

- I'm a registered massage therapist.

- That feels better already.

- I also practice sensual massage.

Did you know that there are seven

different ways that a woman can orgasm?

- Seven?

- What's happening right now?

- This is not part of our agreement.

- Definitely not. - Babes.

- Non-patriarchal terms of endearment.

(sighs)

- My "heartmates." - This isn't cool!

- Let's just process this tomorrow.

- No. - No, we'll process it now.

- Yeah. - What is wrong with you?

- I am burnt!

- Okay, let's just remember

non-violent communication, everyone.

- Mom! - Not now, honey!

Would you like to start with a repair?

(sighs)

(sighs)

(dinging)

(serene music)

- You're right.

My desperate need for women to love me

all goes back to my mother.

(exhaling sharply)

- It's okay. - This is a safe space.

- Oh, my God.

- What happened? Is it over?

- I did the thing.

(gasping in pain) - The thing?

- The thing.

Where I get distracted by some douchey guy

just because he likes kids and he's marginally hot.

- Hey... - Oh, yeah, she does that.

- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

- You can't help it. She's a very high libido.

- It's a liability.

Let's get out of here.

- Thank you for your hospitality.

- I think this is just a little too alternative for us.

(gasping in pain)

(beads rattling)

(exhaling)

- Hey, that's my placenta!

- Rosa!

- You told me to get you something cold from the freezer.

(soft music)

Subtitling: difuze