Original subtitles

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING POLAND

Music!

IN PREVIOUS EPISODES

Since I got the Green Stick I cheat on my wife.

You seem to like it rough.

Get up!

A laugh was committed.

-Oh, no! -No!

Please sit and calm down. Look at me.

And now we'll have a shower of cards.

Welcome to our show

sponsored by...

-No! -It's obvious, this one.

Piotr, yellow card.

It was very funny.

Really cracked me up.

I have no idea why farting does it to me.

Now we can still laugh, right?

Yes, you can still laugh, but I am not finished.

Please see another piece.

Oh, my!

Zosia is obviously laughing here.

Zosia, with great affection and love.

I was totally upset about the yellow card.

I didn't get it for farts, I got it because of Piotr.

He was laughing so hard.

I sat next to him and it finished me off.

Now go ahead and laugh.

-Now you can. -Now I don't feel like laughing.

Sonia, to make two people laugh at once? Congrats.

-Thank you. -You are the best.

Thank God I didn't break.

-I don't know how you did it. -Your snorts and my ass over my head.

My dear friends, from now on, no laughing again.

Can you open it?

Strongman!

See. I went to the gym once.

Mostly to return my membership card, true,

-but it did something. -It's amazing.

You buy this membership card,

they make you pay for three months, and you go once.

When I went to return this membership card,

boy, I never sweated so much.

Some of it was my lack of assertiveness.

Let's take this crowd for a spin.

Please welcome Olga Łasak.

Jesus.

I knew it will be dangerous.

She's got what it takes to crack you up.

Very much so.

-Hello. -Hello.

Did I say that the person should speak?

Has anyone been involved in ballet?

I have, but...

Don't make me laugh, girl.

It's clear that you haven't.

"Girl."

Let's try a mini-casting.

Everyone get up, please.

On your toes.

Hands up.

-Good. -Adam, don't worry.

-It's gonna be all right. -Ballet skirt.

You better not. Ballet skirt.

Ballet skirt.

Quick. We haven't got all day. Let's move.

Darn it. I broke it. Excuse me, ma'am. I broke it ma'am.

-Calm down. -Yes?

I knew, it was bound to happen.

I will help you, boy. I can see you are pretty but a bit overwhelmed.

"You are pretty but a bit overwhelmed." Excellent. Check!

The overwhelmed part of course.

Let's approach the ballet bar.

If you know what it is.

I know what is a ballet bar.

Well, we've got a know-it-all. Good.

Look at Adam.

It's silly.

I had no idea why, but he did something like this...

I don't know. Is it about restraining blood circulation, so you don't laugh?

Is this some kind of a trick?

Let's go. Position one. We stick our heels together.

Beautiful. And off we go.

Relevé.

Hold on, hold. Relevé, please.

Up.

Boy, show me how you suck.

-Show me how you suck. -Like everybody.

How come you suck at your footwork.

-I can do that too. -Higher up. Good.

Very good, let's hold on.

Now pay attention. We'll bear a womb.

Here we go.

What?

It means that from relevé we move to demi plié.

-Let's repeat it together. Demi... -Demi...

-Plié. -Plié.

-Demi plié. -Demi pliè.

I thought it would be better if I danced with them.

I wouldn't have to see it.

All right. Question for couch potatoes.

What position is "butts lie here and there"?

-Butts lie here and there... -It's the position...

You begin with two legs,

then one goes up.

Then here and to the side.

You think so, right?

-I think so. -Me too.

What about "Fox has a den"?

I didn't have it in physical education class.

There is no such position.

You can do nothing and know shit.

Fine, answer the question.

Where does a leg come from, when from position "Gelly paper"

we move through position Jean Reno

to the battement tendu?

-Where does a leg come from? -From the ass.

-From the ass. Very good. -Always.

Always comes from the ass.

I thought that the jokes about sucking would be the worst,

but the worst was to come.

Music!

Please not Swan Lake.

I cannot look at Adam.

I love dancing.

I'm always ready to jump in.

Sorry.

This requires certain experience.

I think they've got it in the third year of a ballet school.

Zosia really can stretch.

She must practice a lot.

Look...

Shoot. This is difficult.

I started twerking right under Blowek's nose.

In a ballet skirt. Bravo, Zosia.

With her butt under my nose to make me laugh, and I just sat there...

Apologies, my dear husband.

Beautiful!

You can do something.

Thank you for participation.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

Good bye, madame.

I try to avoid physical activity

and this finished me off.

Well, my friends.

I want to see their faces when I'll pull out the card.

Do you know who?

It wasn't me.

I did not laugh.

It's me.

It was hard.

Zosia made it so hard.

-When she started... -Twerking?

Really?

-It was terrible. -Great.

I am here for a reason.

Look at the recording.

Well, Kasia.

Kasia, it was my fault.

Even this counts.

-Kasia, your first yellow card. -I was hit in the face.

-You were hit in the face? -Unintentionally. Slightly.

Adam, during his beautiful ballet pas,

suddenly touched me...

His hand somehow got stuck to my face.

And this cracked me up.

You guys have fun. Bye.

-Bye. -I'll see you soon.

During the last several months, I don't recall having to move so much.

-Kasia? -Really?

I saw you yesterday. You were walking on the street.

Let's get back to business.

Piotr is holding up, right? He concocts there...

He already tried all known movie genres.

And a few new ones.

Can you unclog a sink?

Look.

Holy cow.

How do you do it?

It's very simple.

I think you must be male.

Kasia, don't do it.

Sorry. Ow! I got clogged.

It happens.

Watch out, a performance.

Do you know what lifehacks are?

Jerzy, what are lifehacks?

"Lifehacks"?

Lifehacks are things which are supposed to make our life easier and more pleasant.

Let's begin.

He could have changed his shirt in the changing room. Not here.

Piotr seems a little jealous.

-The other way. -Backwards.

It's backwards, right? So what do you do now?

What do you do when you put your shirt on backwards?

-I take out my arms and turn it around. -Me too.

It's smart, but there is a better way.

-You cut off the tag. -Simple. And you are all set.

Brilliant.

What's interesting, you don't even have to...

-Christ, your fingers! -...put this on...

See? And everybody carries a stapler, right?

Now it makes sense.

Fricking amazing. In a jungle...

Piotr is not impressed,

because he saw me doing it at the gym.

First he was a bit surprised, but later considered it normal.

It's so stupid.

For sure, in your life you had this situation...

For sure.

...that your charger cable got stuck in a cup.

What do you do then?

-It happened to me once. -We smash the cup.

Not a bad idea, but I've got a better one.

I take out this tool.

-Monkey wrench. -You hold it like this...

Groovy.

Then you do this...

-You were right. -Wow, it can be done.

And we still have the cup.

Karol's got some cool lifehacks.

You can tell he's a smart fellow.

And now the king of lifehacks. Really powerful.

We are eating, for example, popcorn or chips.

What do you do to keep your hands clean?

-Don't eat? -Eat with your feet.

You can put on gloves.

It's a prototype. Fricking awesome.

You just put it on this way...

And your hands are clean.

It's brilliant, I strongly recommend it.

Each time I use it in a movie theater, the staff go up the wall.

"Too loud," they say. Imagine.

It was so stupid, yet funny.

-Which lifehack you liked best? -The shirt.

-Me too. The shirt. -Because I took off shirt?

-The shirt is amazing. -Good. Thank you.

-I hope you liked it. -Chill!

Wow!

Like some people say, "Wowmazing."

I feel so emboldened, that I think I'll take off my shirt.

-Do it, Adam. -I've got this feeling

-that I haven't got what he's got. -Adam!

But I've got something too.

Today, it's easy to show them packs or whatnot, right?

But it's much more difficult to stand up and show

my concept for the so-called six-pack.

I came up with the idea, that on a beach I will walk like that.

That's fricking cool.

So handsomely.

There is something in it.

I go on...

And there is this second that everybody...

-Darn. -Is this Woronowicz?

Is this Adam Woronowicz?

He was suntanned in some places, and in some places, not.

I don't know if he did it on purpose for the show.

Adam modestly walked around in a T-shirt all summer.

Went to solarium in a T-shirt.

Why not?

I realize, you know... I am not Czarek Pazura.

Obviously.

I am not taking off my shirt.

I've got this too. Look...

Look, Adam. Look.

The guys are bulking, right?

All they need to do is turn it into muscle.

I can't bend like this, my belly drags me behind.

-Oh, yes, you can. -Look what I've got.

-You can't, indeed. -I can't.

Later it will narrow down or...

It will narrow down and will move kind of forward,

then it will collapse

and move a little lower.

Here you will have kind of a cyst, but no worries.

At this point you put on a belt.

-Right. -Get it? And you are cool.

You go on a beach wearing only slips and push it inside.

And everybody says...

Flat stomach and a huge tool.

It's time for a special guest.

The winner of the first season of LOL returns in his role of the Art Professor.

Christ and Holy Mary.

Michał Meyer.

Attention.

Oh, no.

Christ and Holy Mary, young man.

-Jesus, I'm so ashamed. He is here. -Something happened.

I realized that it wouldn't be easy. I know what he is capable of.

He is funny, focused and he is the winner.

I hate him.

My student. The perfect boy.

"Shining Forehead," I called him.

-"Shining" because he is enlightened. -He's running away.

-Adam, sit down here. -Adam!

Excuse me, I startle young people at the time when everybody is happy.

-What happened? -It's really bad.

Thirty years. Do you understand, young man clad in vegetation?

Thirty years serving the education of the young.

Infecting the young, infecting with love.

With love for the arts?

And how it feels when suddenly they just let you go?

He got canned.

They fired me, man! You know why?

One moment of weakness.

Just a single moment. I am like you. Like a beautiful woman.

She affects me, I affect her, for I am an animal.

I am an animal for God's sake.

My Lord. I am half animal, like you.

You've got all this hair here.

So aren't you an animal?

-Who fired you? -The university.

For thirty years I was teaching students.

And listen what happened.

The water gurgled, the animal bristled, you understand?

-And went for a pant leg. -And with Leszczak's wife, the dean's...

My luck. They installed cameras,

because students were stealing books.

This one doesn't read. Sneezes at it all. You smoke this shit.

But I love you youngsters.

Still, you know what?

I've got something of my own. I've got something...

Something the Lord gave me.

If only I went my own way then.

I'd have it all...

I'd have women,

I'd have papayas, pineapples, marmalade.

Aruba, Jamaica, I'd have been everywhere. Listen.

I don't know.

I put in the whole of me.

This is all I've got left, now.

Jeez, I know you.

That's Meyer for you.

When he sees even a hint of weakness in you,

he'll take the opportunity to finish you off.

I've seen you somewhere. I've seen you in the movies.

He's seen it in my eyes. He sensed it, I sensed it, and I was done for.

You are pure blood and balls!

-What? -"Blood and balls."

-There is no soft play. Come with me. -No.

Come both of you. Come.

Come here, young man, because you are... Take the puff,

you'll have something to sit on.

Come closer, all of you. Come, Shining Forehead.

My dear...

A woman shouldn't stand. Sit down, woman.

Sit, woman.

-This is all I have left. -What is it?

Be honest with me, brother.

-Is this good? -Good. It's beautiful.

It's very good, you think?

-What's it's name? -Gosh!

It's name is Tomasz, because it's a cat.

Listen to me. I put...

You listen to me too. I put...

Into it...

the whole of me.

And not once, mind you.

What is it?

-What is it? -Why does it not say anything?

-Because it doesn't have... -Because it's stuffed!

I can't say anything, and besides...

Listen to me, brother.

-Could you swing... -What?

-Some kind of a deal. -To eat Tomasz?

Some way to sell it, you understand?

-I don't know... -We can make a deal,

you'll give me some dough. By the end of the month.

We'll set up this profile and make money together.

I know what you mean.

Come here. You moved back.

-Come. -Certainly.

Come to me.

What have you done? What's this on your head...

Does the cat stand by itself?

-Gosh! -It's so sweet!

I'm all for it... The closer to nature the better, right?

You fart on me with your mouth?

-I'm sorry. -You are afraid of it's energy?

No.

-It's too masculine? -It's okay.

Listen. This is... Hey! Don't.

Does it like under the belly?

-What under the belly? -Cats like it.

-Like what? -Tickling.

-Tickling? -Yes.

This cat is dead.

-It does not live anymore. -Look at Adam.

Listen. Can we perhaps...

Because there is more. I can pawn it with you.

Just give me 100, 200 zlotys. I need money.

-May I? -You may not, cause it's...

Hello, no.

Listen.

-What's its name? -Per aspera ad astra.

It always reminds me this proverb. What's the name? Iza.

It is a marten.

Iza Marten!

Jesus.

It was terrible!

Adam, I remember you.

I remember you too.

For me it's always been an insurance policy.

Something like, "Andrzej, do not jump."

Andrzej...

Beltway of Białobrzegi is not suitable to play a game of badminton.

You do understand?

Game of badmin...

Where does he get those lines?

Listen, there is plenty from the whole...

It is.

It is, listen to me... I didn't tell you what it is...

It's not fair!

Listen, it's very important.

These...

All these...

-The specimens were obtained ethically. -No!

I won't take it anymore.

-That's how I practice my art. -It is not fair.

Here was some fungus, and it still is. Why? Because Lord wanted it here.

Lord wanted it, and I'm not going to improve nature.

That's the primary rule. We do not improve nature.

These specific animals were obtained

at the Warmia section of the expressway S7.

They are from July and August, so they are quite fresh.

Initially seasoned in the July and August sunshine.

They may contain traces of allergens.

Sagebrush, grasses, various smuts,

-goldenrod, if anyone is allergic. -Could they have contact with badgers?

Everyone, at some point, had contact with a badger.

Okay, kids. I didn't expect

that I'll ever experience so much good among young people.

You have restored my faith, that it's still worth it.

I am most grateful. I will thank you.

With my most valuable possession.

Smell of your armpit? No.

-One more animal. -I want you to have it.

It always led me to the light.

It always led me to where it's warm.

I wish you, that it should take you into the outer space.

It's yours.

Wait a second.

He went for the French kiss.

See his tongue.

I'm gonna... Go crazy.

I am uniting you...

with Monika.

Who always led me where there is light.

Listen to me, young people.

Butt-headed?

When you meet Dean Leszczak,

tell him he can eat my ass!

He killed me.

We cross our fingers.

Bye.

I won't miss any of your lectures!

Terrific.

No animals were harmed in the production of this show.

You've got my word.

-Oh, my. -Darn.

-Jeez. -What a...

Now we can laugh. We can laugh it all out.

It was extremely funny!

-Terribly. -Monstrously.

-Not a good time. -Come on over.

Czarek, you don't have to say anything.

You tell me, how did you like the lecture?

-Chill. -The professor is a genius.

-It was too much. -Deep and substantive.

The way he stuffs these animals. They look so real.

-I even thought they were alive. -Because he stuffs them with love.

Most importantly he put the whole of him.

-And that he came. -Attention, dear friends.

I am about to present you...

a film.

-Plenty of hot scenes. -Film no. 1 with my favorite actor.

Here we go.

Bubble...

I cried when I watched it. Really.

-Adam Woronowicz. -What?

Sorry, that was a really tough one.

How many times I laughed there? Wow.

But it's not the end of the presentation.

Hold on a second. We will have a double goodbye.

I think a lot was going on here.

Piotr. We knew it.

Piotr Stramowski.

Bravo!

It's a red card, my friend.

He fell, but it was a heroic fall.

And I am happy about.

I am thinking, "Yes."

Well, I lost, but with the best there is.

It's still not the end, though.

-Kasia. -Look at Kasia now.

-Kasia laughed. -Kasia.

Young guys lost it.

"Young guys lost it."

Here you go.

Karol.

-It was a struggle. -It's Karol?

-There is a smile. -A real struggle.

Karol, yellow card.

-Thank you. -Congratulations.

I am not even sad. To get a yellow card in such a company

feels really like an award.

Adam, Piotr, come on over

-to my control room. -Let's form the guard of honor.

-Adam... -You guys hold on.

-It's been an honor. -Hold on, bye.

The show will not be the same now.

Guard of honor!

Bye!

See ya.

The moment when he pulled out the fox.

I was finished.

-We will see you. -Come back you guys!

Meyer pwned. He simply pwned them.

Fuck.

-Listen, you had no chance. -The thing that I escaped unharmed...

I can't believe it.

If I survived this one, there is a chance I'll win.

Adam, I really felt for you.

Darn, it was...

The more, the merrier in the control room.

I can't say that I mind.

It was incredible.

And we continue.

-Give me "L." -Give me "L."